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 Author Thread: Size Matters...
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Size Matters...
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:00:29 PM
The responses are what I would expect to see....

EVERYONE has different ideas about the physical and mental attributes they like in another person. I used to think I had a "Type" because I generally dated very slim girls with small breasts, bum and long legs. But then as I got older I found that I was more attracted to an attractive face and smile - The rest I could accept in most shapes and sizes within reason.

I have dated girls with boobs that blot the sun out and girls that are almost flat chested. I have been with girls almost anorexic and girls who are very curvey.

Some people though just decide that there are certain characteristics they like in aperson and never deviate from that - I am glad I did.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Sex so good it makes you cry ...
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:08:11 PM
All I can say is that when that singular moment happened and my partner at the time started crying during lovemaking I felt so many emotions run through me. Even now five years on I can picture the time and it has to be one of the closest deep experiences I have ever had.

Totally agree with you Hearton with what you said earlier about seperating sex as a bodily function and sex as an emotional, loving experience. I would guess most of us who have been around a few years have had several slam against the wall, rip your clothes off and just fvck for the moment experiences.

But without doubt for me the best times have been when its been almost a joining of minds, emotions and senses. When that connection is perfect then there is nothing like it in the world. For a guy, when that happens then you really appreciate everything that is a woman for all that she is and its an awesome feeling and compliment to know that she has experienced that with you.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
HE CANT KISS!!! for the love of God.HELP!
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:30:20 PM
Its all about personal chemistry -- If you enjoy 90% of what you do together you can get past the 10% you dont ...Depending on how important that 10% is to you...over time as you get used to each other that 10% goes down to 0% and your both 100% happy
:)

Oh and if you think you might "Make it" with this guy then just perhaps you might show him a little respect by changing your status for now. Cos right now it looks like your keeping your options very open :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
HE CANT KISS!!! for the love of God.HELP!
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:19:26 PM
Thats really tough Lamour and unless your able to find a way of letting him know that the kissing needs work without him feeling silly then its just going to be the killer.

See we think everything is ok unless we are told. and the paradox is that some guys if they ARE told feel hurt and offended instead of thinking "Oh thats ok I want it to be good for you, I will try XYZ and stop ABC cos I want you to enjoy my kisses/touches etc".

Personally if I was mad keen on you then I would be happy for you to tell me. when I was younger I was really into a girl and having a great time giving her oral of a more intimate nature and thought she was loving it as she was gyrating her hips - truth was she was moving because she was doing her best to get my tongue and her body into a better position so she enjoyed it more. Eventually she said "This is nice but can you get your curl your tongue a little and get a bit deeper" Instead of being offended I was glad she was able to tell me so I could please her better.

And spot : I think punk is answering lamour NOT you ...just as I am :)
Note: Punk I hardley think she is blasting him and anyway whats the worst he might think IF he was to find this post?..."Wow I need to ajust my technique here "
She is seeking a solution and advice rather than talking to him first because she does not want to rock the boat.

I can see how his moaning would put you off - I love kissing and prefer them to be deep but quiet. I would also feel stupid if I moaned while kissing a girl.

Good luck with how you decide to handle it.....

Spot: ...Punk is answering lamour NOT you :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
stopping weight gain when not active
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:27:13 PM
Every movement you make can burn calories ....Any doc will tell you that to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you take in. There is no arguement about that its a fact.

There has to be "some" form of excersise you can take no matter how light it is - eating foods heavy in capsium is really good as capsium is a natural fat burner. Chillies being the best. There are also capsules that are extremely high in Capsium. Do ggogle it and you will see what I meam - Its then up to you if you go for one of the products.

There are also believed to be a number of food items that are NIL calories ...I might be wrong but they sayeating celery burns more calories than it contains!!

I really hope your condition improves and you become more active again
Good luck.

Side comment -- I so totally love that Barbie pic hahahahaha so funny and cute
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Losing attraction to your other half
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:08:33 PM
In the 20+ years of marriage I had we argued and fought sometimes over trivial things, sometimes out of fustration but they were not violent fights, just rows that got heated and the odd time my wife would chuck something at me..
Its been said that kind of thing is heathy and the time to be worried is when that stops completely.

There is a well known soul song that just about summed up my marriage that just about hit the nail on the head with us; "Guess its over, the kids are gone, whats the use of pretending we can go on....Too much to little to ever try again"

We built the house brought two lovely kids up, had fantastic holidays, hosted great parties and had some amazing times that I wish we could re live again But, all through those years while we were chasing the big house and career and appearing to be Mr and Mrs perfect we were slowly losing touch with each other, we were doing different things and, the interests that brought us together were replaced by other hobbies that the other had no interest in. I would go to football, she would go round her friends, She took up an interest in social issues I took up with a local theatre company.

Our work schedules clashed more often. I would come home, an hour later she was going to work. all manner of social change was taking place within the marriage but we never thought about splitting because hey thats what its like in every house.

As the girls got older we clashed on parenting issues. I was very direct if there was an issue, she was more pragmatic . Resolution regarding certain aspects of our kids development were not just rows, they were a sign that we were moving in different directions and our perspectives were changing about so many things.

Of course those early days of eventful lusty sex at the start of our marriage to seem a distant memory and it slid into "Darlin I have to be up at 6am" Like many established couples you feel you can have sex when you want if your in the mood, then thats what you do but then when you are in the mood the other person isnt so the frequency becomes less and less. The "Do it out of duty" does not help that aspect of a marriage.

There is that one defining moment when you sit down one day and realise that you two are so different now and what you both wanted so many years ago you might have got but then let other things get in the way and forgot about it all, taking it all for granted.

We had a BBQ one day, must have been 60/70 people in the garden. It was a great day, sun shining etc.. I looked down from the patio, cold beer in hand and it dawned on me the lack of ineraction going on - There were my friend and over there were hers. In days gone past the people we knew all had similar things in common. It was clear that as we had slowly drifted apart we had both moved into different circles...

I love my ex wife so so much and I would do anything for her without thinking about BUT...I am not IN love with her ...We lost that somewhere. Its gone and you cant get that back . Its really sad when that realisation dawns on you but so many people stay together who are not in love .... Its harder to leave that comfort blanket with the hope of starting again and hoping to fall in love with someone else, experience those feeling you lost years before.

Sometimes I sit and wonder if there is something I could have done. I look in her eyes and remember how it was at one time and its annoying because there probably WAS a time when you both could have reignited the flame ...But you both just took it all for granted and didnt recognise the fading until it was too late.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Fella went back to his ex
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:26:26 PM
Tah I think its pretty common knowledge that Charlie and Camilla were never that far apart anyway. Di was the perfect brood mare accepted into the royal family to produce pretty children, provide great PR for the monarchy during a period when the English - I just think it was very well hidden but even Di said during an interview that there were three of them in the marriage - She was aware of what was going on but decided one day that she didnt want that situation anymore - From then on the conspiracy is a subject of conjecture ...Dodi Al Faheed, possible pregnancy, muslim child in the lineage - Not good for the bloodline....

Just my 2 pence worth feel free to get back on track with this thread :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Fella went back to his ex
Posted: 3/22/2013 8:04:27 PM
If you want some positives from it:

1. Better he went back to her now then when your three months pregnant with his child

2. If he left her once then he will leave her again - is that the sort of bloke you want anyway.

There is also two sides to a story - His ex might have some storys to tell about him too, I doubt very much that he is Peter perfect.

3. You are now one schmuck less, free to hang with your mates again and keep your eye open for a much nicer chap.

One chalked up to experience for you, a little ride on the learning curve - hang in there girl there a lot more twists and turns in your love life to come :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
My lover ran off because my ex husband Scared him
Posted: 3/22/2013 7:38:52 PM
Your ex is totally not on this planet - Have the police seen this notice he wrote??? Has a Doctor?

I can smell your fear in your posts - No wonder your lover backed right off. Your ex is a loose cannon. He is a total horror story with more issues than a jerry Springer series.

If I were you I would move so far away from that guy - Anywhere far away enough to keep that guy from coming anywhere near you or your kids. If that means a family refuge in another city 2/3 or 400 miles away I would do it.

Sorry but with everything thats happened and what is still going on I think the last thing you should be thinking of is dating another bloke - And if you do then your not doing the new guy any favours either !!!

Priority: Safe living environment for you and kids
Finding support and a good lawyer that will get that RO for you and get this man certified.

Relationships - Should not even be on your mind right now - I think you want one just to give you some time out from the madness going on around you. Not the best of reasons.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
My lover ran off because my ex husband Scared him
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:18:33 PM
I guess the guy decided he just didnt need all the drama. Perhaps your ex is three times the size of your lover and a real thug. If your lover isnt one for fighting , or thinks he might end up in hospital then he is clearly going to think about where its all going. Thats commons sense.

He is thinking of the years ahead and the fact that your thug of an ex is going toe be sticking his nose in your life at least until the kids have left home or matured. He is weighing up all the possible drama, rows etc in future.

If you think your ex is still a danger to you or your kids then you need to get that restraining order back. You also need to make it clear to your ex that you will be dating or looking for a new relationship. You know hes a thug but you still need to aware of how he will deal with you seeing other blokes. You dont want to discover that your ex is a violent, jelous man when a lover is hospitalised with a punctured lung, three broken ribs and a busted jaw.

Most men who date dont mind them having kids but will run a mile if they think there is a nutter or violent ex on the scene.. Not because of fear but simply because they dont need the crap
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Sex so good it makes you cry ...
Posted: 3/21/2013 2:57:46 PM
Wow thanks for the tips jensen...I am always indebted to the love gods for passing on their life times experience of love making so I can improve my lack of sexual prowess.

I think you find bud that everyone responds differently to sexual stimulation. Whilst during your lengthy relationship you found that what you did worked. It might do nothing but result in you getting a slap from the next woman you make out with and bring to the point of orgasm several times then pull back.

But then perhaps you watched a TV programme or read a book about it lol :P
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 848 (view)
 
Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/21/2013 6:50:38 AM
There are way to many generalisations being made here that cannot be supported by evidence bar personal experience - Even that isnt valid because what a person is looking for can change depending on what happens when they meet someone

A girl I know from work who was on POF had "Dating" as her intent. She told me that she was just looking to get out and have some fun after a long relationship. What happens? Within 3 months she is seeing a guy and after 6 months they have just moved in together. What happened to the "I dont want to get tied down again for a long while" bit???

As an "Older" guy I am looking for someone to share my life with. That does not mean I have a wedding ring in my pocket it simply means that I am not just out there looking to date and have sex with as many women as I can. I did all that prior to a long and generally happy marriage. Some people want to do that now, having got into a very long term relationship or marriage at a young age, or just not having had so much "Fun" when they were younger, I can respect that but we are all looking for different things and depending on who we meet and when it happens that can change.

I accept that in order to find someone that I can share my life with in a monogomous realtionship then I need to date and see where it goes if anywhere. I am not looking just to get laid or get involved with someone who really just wants a FWB. I am very fussy where I park my penis thank you very much, even at my age.

The good thing about POF and dating sites is that you can sift through profiles and just contact those who are looking for the same as you. You can chat and get to know more about them before meeting up.

We are all different - The one fact about POF or any dating site is though is that we are totally reliant on the other person telling the truth - But then thats the gamble we take no matter which way we look for someone.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 842 (view)
 
Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/20/2013 7:43:53 PM
"Thus, when the typical over-50 guy reads a profile where a woman proudly proclaims her desire for monogamy, commitment, marriage and the like, the instinctive male response is "WHOA. NO THANK YOU." Those are not warm fuzzy words in the male vocabulary."
-------------------------------------
Speak for yourself mate!

I would so love to meet someone that I was attracted to AND really got on well with - Commitment, marriage? Sure why the hell not. Cant arrange that next week as I am busy and I am sure the church is booked up anyway, :)

But, IF someone came into my life and there was a mutual spark then hell I am not looking to extinguish that spark. I am looking for it to grow and blossom - Then when the time is right I will happily give up the several nights a week I spend having dinner for one and get back to sharing fun and interests in a good solid one on one relationship - If that means sticking a ring on a finger then so be it.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
what is a gift exactly?
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:12:41 PM
I believe its a virtual gift like flowers or a drink - Shows the recipient that you are more than just interested in them
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Sex so good it makes you cry ...
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:09:16 PM
Only once.
It was at a time when we had finally overcome a lot just to be together. The first night when we could shut the door and know that there was nothing now but us. When she started crying I could not believe it, it was probably the closest, most connected, warm, intense love making experience of my life. It was beyond tantric and even now I cant really convey the feeling - There are, to coin a cliche, no words to describe that moment in time. The cuddles and total oneness that followed as we lay together afterwards is something I will never forget.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 838 (view)
 
Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/20/2013 5:50:50 PM
Just about given up...

Like most I guess when I joined I contacted lots of women with polite emails just complementing them on either their profile, looks or both. I asked open but not too personal questions. I was optimistic that I would at least get a few dates friom POF. Alas thats not how its turned out. At first I had several responses but nothing came from it. A few emails, the odd chat, even the odd phone call but you get to the point where you think its not worth bothering anymore.

I dont think I am a bad looking bloke for my age but the realisation dawned a good while ago that there are so many guys out there that are good looking, in good shape and very successful career wise that the average guy has little or no chance on here. You cant blame women for that, why should they settle for less than they can attract.

After so long in a marriage or relationship where you have put your all into it only for it to end it comes as a shock to find that getting back into dating is so hard. Unless your super confident about yourself then its easy to start to think you will spend the rest of your life alone. Its not only women that look in the mirror checking themselves out and wondering if they can hide a line or a blemish - You only have to see the number of guys over 45 in the gyms working their butts off to rid themselves of excess fat. Using mens hair colourants and cosmetics to try and turn back a couple of years.

Of course your location can be a problem. I live on an island 10 miles off the South Coast of the UK - You would think it was off the coast of Australia the way some people talk - Its a 15 minute ferry crossing!

Then of course there are trust issues - So many people have been decieved and let down by people they have met online. People who say they are single and are in fact married. People who have pics that are 10 years old. Peopple who simply tell down right lies or embelish parts of their profile - Some think thats all in the game, catch the fish, see how it goes then feed the truth in gradually.....Not nice.

Given up? ...On second thoughts I probably havent but I am pretty much resigned to having dinner by myself for the forseeable future ...But we live in hope.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
First time dating as a single mother
Posted: 3/13/2013 11:17:15 AM
I totally agree with the above.... In years to come you reap what has been sown. Your kids will respect you all the more and even be that much more protective towards you having seen with their own eyes how their feelings were always first in your mind. You never get a second chance to bring your kids up but you always get a chance of another relationship.

As and when a new relationship becomes serious then let your kids know, let THEM decide as and when THEY want to meet the new guy in your life. You HAVE to compartmentalise and keep your relationships seperate from your main role of being a great mum.

SimpleCltMan has experience of dating women at a similar phase as you are going through so although yes every situation is different he has learned the same as you will just what is acceptable and what isnt. My guess is that he himself will have had the odd date cancel because the woman in question has a sick child or a sudden parential obligation come up.

In the UK there are several one parent groups, the major one being Gingerbread - I dont know if thats world wide but there must be similar ones in your locality?

Its clear your not quite ready yet to commit yourself to another guy fully ( I bet its the times when your kids are in bed and your on your own with thoughts running through your head that drives you nuts) But joing a single parent group and just having coffee one morning a week will get you mixing with people, both male and female who you can talk to, get support from and establish new friendships with - Why not give it a go?

Well done for putting your foot down a little ,.....keep it pressed to the floor girl :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Can you form a relationship after sleeping with on 1st date
Posted: 3/12/2013 4:45:07 PM
Message 15:
"You are right...if it happens the first time it becomes nothing more than f buddies"
------------------------------
Says who? You spirited? That's your opinion based on your own history or from what your friends have told you of theirs. Several people have said already (Including myself) that first night sex has lead to a long term relationship and that's just in this thread.
------------------------------------------------------------
"There is no seriousness nor does any commitment come from it....if it does it's quite rare."

Again who says its rare? You? Not all first night sex is just about meeting someone with just the intention of getting their pants off for a night of no strings lust.

Granted many of us have gone out with that intent and enjoyed it for what it was but equally many dont go to bed with someone on a first date with a definate pre conceived decision made that in the morning we won't want to see that person again.
Whatever happens on a first date dictates what happens after and. should the relationship not work out then sex is just one factor out of several. You cant say that because a couple have sex on the first date and dont see each other again its because they were not serious or looking for commitment thats a silly statement.

A couple go to bed together on a first date simply because they have enjoyed being with each other and have decided to have sex ...We are allowed to do that :) Neither of us are expected to stress how commited we are or how serious we are about the other person when we are climbing the stairs or lay on the beach - That comes a little futher along the relationship path if all is bobbing along sweet.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
women: would you date a big guy?
Posted: 3/10/2013 2:02:47 PM
Dont assume fat means unfit !

I played rugby for years and while I am overweight (And look it) I will be walking 26.5 miles up and down hills in May for a cancer hospice. Not only will i complete it but several so called fit and average guys will flake before we get half way :P
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Can you form a relationship after sleeping with on 1st date
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:58:58 PM
Met a girl at a club, had a few drinks and slept with her - We got engaged three months later, married four months after and were married 25 years having raised two gorgeous daughters. Sex and love are two different things but there is as much chance of a relationship lasting after sex on the first night as there is sex after several months of dating.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Premier League Football...There are 92 clubs in the league!
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:37:52 PM
Yes Shawn there are many players in the lower leagues that could play at a higher level. Jose is young and wanted regular first team football and chose to come to us rather than languish in the reserves at Goodison - I think he impressed several scouts in the games against Notts Forest, Liverpool and Everton but when he does move on at least we will get some money for him.

Matty Smith gave a very good account of himself against Liverpool and Everton - Three goals I think proved that he has the capabillity of playing at a higher level.

The problem we have is that great young English players will never get the chance to play in the Premiership as the biggest clubs prefer to wave their cheque book and buy established players in from abroad. How many French, brazillian, Argentine, Portugese players are plying their trade in the Premiership? Is it any wonder that our national side has not won a trophy since 1966 - And we invented the bloody game!! There is so little money finding its way down to the lower reaches of the game in England that we stand no chance of EVER winning a Worls Cup or European Championship...Here on the Isle of Wight several yout teams have had to disband because they can no longer afford the fees being charged for pitches.

There are so many people Shaun on this forum that have never even been to watch their team. Their idea of being a supporter is to buy an Arsenal, Man United, Man City, Chelsea or Liverpool shirt from Tescos and switch on Sky TV - These people dont even buy official merchandise bI have said before and I say again that isnt support - Its Telly watching. Support is getting off your back side and travelling to games in wind and rain. Support is about being there in the ground sharing ever good and bad moment with other supporters.

On the way back from the home game against Portsmouth we stopped at a service are and met MK Dons fans who had been to Carlisle and Leicester fans who had been at Blackpool - Add up the combined miles we had travelled to watch our teams that day Shaun - THAT'S being a football Supporter.

When I was at Yeovil just before Christmas, our game was one of only a few on in the lower leagues. Several lads turned up with Exeter shirts on who had been hoping to see their team play at Plymouth but the game was called off. Did they go in a pub to watch Sky TV? No they went and found another match to go and watch - That to me is a football supporter.

While you might want to be picky with the use of words. The English league system consists of 92 clubs which includes the Premiership. A name change does not alter the structure unless relegation and promotion is denied. It isnt so Oldham, Brentford, Blackpool are valid members of the English league structure whatever label you want to stick on the top division.

So yes Shaun there are many lads playing lower league football that with coaching at a higher level would make it in the top flight but.. Just like the kids turning out for their school teams week and week out now .. Very few will make it because while people go on here go on about Messi, Suarez, Tevez etc they just promote the view that its better for English football to have them than invest in our own youth and look to a future where we can produce a generation of English born players that CAN win a trophy.

That of course will never happen but then hey as long as Man Unted and co are on sky every week who gives a shit about the England team?, Who gives a monkeys about the lower league and grass roots football.?

There is though the consolation sometimes when the likes of Swansea win the League cup and hold down a top 10 place in the EPL . Its also great when you get that rare year the prima donna footballers tumble from the FA Cup at the hands of MK Dons and Oldham. Its games like that when you see REAL grit and determination overcome pretty football that brings a smile to your face.

We will lose one, perhaps two players to a higher league club at the end of the season - Deals I believe have been pre signed. We took £1,000,000 from the FA Cup which is peanuts to an EPL side but it will keep us ticking over.

The English game as we know it though is slowly dying. In the summer several other top players will be signed for silly money from Europe and many English born kids will be told they are not wanted and end up playing for level 5 or 6 pyramid clubs never to be seen again or coached at the highest level. England might make it to the next World Cup and might even scrape through a group before going out once again.

What a great future the game in England has.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 142 (view)
 
Interracial Dating
Posted: 3/10/2013 4:03:53 AM
I am amazed this thread drags on and on and on.

Everyone has a right to date whoever they want without having to justifie it to society - If I am racist its my business not yours, If I am not racist then I dont have the right to moan at people who tell me they wont date blacks, whites, asians etc just because it does not agree with my own thoughts.

Race like gay rights is an issue only because people make it one. I am sick to death of the race or gay card being waved at every opportinity. It purvades every aspect of life and if I dont like you its not cos your black, its not cos your gay, its not cos your fat or cos your old or very young - Its simply cos I dont like you so get over it and move on!!!

A guy I worked with had come over to the UK from Africa - Now he is black and he was a Masai warrior so he really did come from the mud hut village, engaged in tribal wars and was as culturally removed from the UK as could ever be concieved. He met an English women who was doing missionary work, married her and came to the UK. The marriage failed after a year or so but he chose to stay.

This guy would wave the ruddy race card at every opportunity - You only want me to sweep the floor because I am black. You didnt send John to the warehouse to unload the van because he is white, instead you sent me beacuse I am black. He is eating bananas and looking at me - I know he thinks I am a monkey. My god this guy even took a girl to a disciplinary because she brought the DVD Jungle Book to work to lend to a friend whoes kids wanted to watch it. She just happened to leave it on a staff table - So of course he decided it was a racist slur against him.

I personally will date who I want regardless of colour or creed - I have only ever been attracted to one black woman but I have dated girls from other cultures. I dont go out to look to date someone from a specific creed culture or of a particular colour I just take life as it goes.

There is nothing that pees me off more though than banner waving, rampant left wing fruit cakes that moan on and on about every facet of human nature. Ther will ALWAYS be racists. There will ALWAYS be homophobics and there will ALWAYS be people that are not interested in you for a miriade of reasons. BUT there will always be peiople who ARE interested in you -

As I said...Nothing is an issue unless you make it one ...And hell this forum sure has made it one !
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
First time dating as a single mother
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:50:03 AM
Crystal I am sorry but he is hedging his bets.... He wants the single life and to be able to go with who he wants when he wants. At the same time he wants you on the back burner so that if he feels like it he can pop back into your life a and when it suits him. Thats no good for you at all but while he feels you are in love with him still and knows you will take him back in an instant he will do that.

Your relationship as you want it to be is over and accepting that is hard for you. Its like a death, you are all over the place emotionally for a good while and you ponder on the past and all the good times but there comes a point where you have to look to the future. Like a bereavment you have to allow yourself time to grieve before you move on into a new phase of your life where you are no longer clinging to aspects of your previous life with him.

Its also not fair on guys. One might fall totally in love with you and then you patch things up with your ex and he gets dumped. Your not over your ex so any new man is really just being used as a comfort blanket and plaster to help you heal - Then what?

WHEN the time comes when you ARE ready to move on then, with regards meeting other blokes, there are many places you might meet one - Even if you can only get out one night a week. There must be single parent groups near you - Guess what? guys go there too! You never ever know where and when you might meet someone new. It could be the park, the shops, on a bus. Its not all bars, clubs and beaches.

What many people fear is that they will never ever meet someone again to share their life with. They worry that no one will want them or find them attractive ever again. They NEED to be in a relationship to prove to the world that they are wanted by at least someone. Plus its that fear of being on your own, the lack of cuddles at night, the meals for one et etc.

As long as you give off the signals that you are always available to your ex then he will always feel he can pop in and out of your life whenever it suits him or whenever things go pear shaped with a girlfriend.
My guess is that as and when you DO meet someone else then then he will throw his rattle out of the pram, start telling you what you can and cant do, tell you that he does not want his child involved with your new and surprise surprise he may even suggest you give it another go ...
And then of course once the new guy is gone he will start to feel "its not working once again and step out of your life ...Until another guy comes into it. The old "I dont want you but I dont want anyone else to have you" phrase comes to mind.

In short:
He wants his freedom
He wants to be a dad as and when it suits him
He does not want you to move on and get another bloke
He wants you there just for times when he needs a friendly fvck or at a loose end
While he dont want to be with you he sure as hell dont want another guy with you

Crystal ..Take your time getting over him, start getting involved in activities that will get you new friends (male AND female) . The more you fill your life with people and things to do the less time you will have to dwell on the past. IF by some chance you bump into a guy and have a date then take it as just that. Dont look for the next long term relationship right now. Instead look at recapturing your confidence and self belief. See guys as potential friends first, lovers second and long term potential partners last.

Time IS a great healer girl so just accept that perhaps right now this is something you have to go through - Just like the rest of us :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
First time dating as a single mother
Posted: 3/7/2013 4:17:16 PM
I can only speak as my daughter finds it. She has a two year old and at 21 has to handle the fact that her ex is now with someone else. She herself is dating a nice guy so both have moved on relationship wise.

I think its natural that you both should be concerned about who comes into your childs life and at what point they start becoming involved. Its also easy to make judgements on the person your ex is seeing and come to instant conclusions about wether they are the "Right sort of person" to be part of your childs life.

My daughter was wise enough to find a baby sitter when she started dating her new guy until she felt comfortable about introducing him to my grandson. Only you can decide when that time is right and no matter what your ex might think or you might think of his choice of girlfriend you both have to accept that its not what you think that matters - You each have to trust each other enough to make sound sensible decisions with regards your childs welfare.

My daughters ex wasnt happy when she started dating a new guy and became very insecure when she finally introduced him to her son. He became even a little petulant when he discovered that my daughter was allowing her new man to stay over sometimes and have fun with my grandson. Thats just his insecurity and for him to deal with.

Your child at some point will have a step dad and a step mum. In a perfect world both parties accept that but of course there is always the odd bit of parential petty rows about need to be dealt with.

If you can actually talk to your ex then there is no reason why you cant ask about who he is dating and if he intends to introduce them to your kids. You have every right to be assured that she isnt Cruella De Ville or some child hating vixen that despises them for being part of your Ex's life.

Unless the guy you date is involved in your kids life then your ex has no business knowing all the details about who you are seeing - When the time comes when your new guy is a potential step dad then of course you need to be more transparent. Until then dont get hung up on dating as a single parent. You are as entitled to date just as any girl without kids is - Your only problem is baby sitters :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How to Propose to a Man
Posted: 2/20/2013 2:43:01 AM
Its not rocket science ...Maje a nice dinner then over wine tell him how good you feel about the relationship, how happy he makes you and then take his hand in yours and ask him?

Dont go down on one knee he will think you have dropped something lol ...hold his hand, look into his eyes and make sure you fill them words with deep sincerity
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Past sexual history
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:11:08 PM
Its the person's past that has made them the person you are attracted to right now so there should not be any problem.

The older you get the more chance there is of one or both of you having had more partners. As regards STI's there is just as much chance of you catching an infection from someone who has had just a few partners as there is one who has had many. Its not about the number of partners they have had but how careful they have been and the precaustions they have taken.

I am not interested nor jelous of a womans sexual history - I am only interested in the here and now. That is all that matters afterall :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Inconclusive sex shaming
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:02:18 PM
Agreed and..............................................................................?
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Hey (: What do you think?
Posted: 2/5/2013 2:22:36 AM
Your young attractive with a range of photos that show the kind of person you are - Fun, considerate, caring with a vibrant personality....

Great profile, great pics - I am sure you will get loads of mail :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why manly when a woman works out?
Posted: 1/28/2013 11:57:27 PM
I think the point is being missed here.
Everyone has a preference to what they see as attractive. Some men are attracted to a woman who pumps iron, takes protien shakes and looks every inch a body builder. Some guys just dont like that at all.

I dont find the likes of Fatima Whitbread in the slightest bit attractive or any women that have a six pack, large pecs or bicepts - It does nothing for me to see a ripped muscular woman - I am not being offensive, there are many many guys who will say the same.

A woman can be really fit and toned and look fantastic, you see women every day that are jogging, cycling and doing all the things needed to keep themselves in good shape and trim.

I really am not being sexist, neither do I have any problems with women that choose to do that. I am not intimidated in the slightest (Why would I be? that woman isnt going to have any effect on my life) Women that choose to work out and build muscle are not always fit and healthy. I know of body builders that could not ride a bike for 20 mins without stopping for breath. Pumping iron isnt as good for you as goood all round cardio work - And we all know that.

As I said its just peoples preference. I prefer to see a woman that looks slim and attractive and not packed out like the hulk. But then beauty is in the eye of the beholder so they say :)

If you enjoy wotrking out with weights then you should just enjoy it and carry on and not worry about how others think about you - Guys who like that in a woman will be attracted to you ..And for pushing the big 60 you must be aware that you look great anyway :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 44 (view)
 
how times have changed!
Posted: 1/28/2013 11:35:59 AM
You really are rude and arrogant - You dont know my dating history and to be honest your a mess its no wonder your a total failure with women with your attitude.......And your pic and profile sucks as well you know :)

PS Even at 54 I reckon I am a far better catch than you - Your just getting stressed because thats dawned on you :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 36 (view)
 
straight men meeting women at gay bars? good/bad idea?
Posted: 1/28/2013 11:19:01 AM
The sexuality that a club is aimed at does not dictate to me wether I should go in or not. Its more about the music, atmosphere and general ambiance.

On the odd occasion I have gone to a gay club or bar I have never worried about if I guy would hit on me? Why would that be a big deal anyway? All you have to do is let the guy know your straight and just there having a good time with your friends. You dont need to be rude or make a big deal of it.

The way some guys talk about gay bars they seem to assume that if your straight and you go into a gay club or bar then you are going to get hit on every five minutes by lycra clad blokes looking like something out of the Village People.....Just like straights dont fancy every person they see ...Neither do gays.

So dont worry guys you dont have to slide round the walls with your butt glued to the wall. You can go to the gents without fear of being molested and if your at the bar getting a beer and the bar man looks at you its not cos he haas the hots for you its more than likely cos he can tell your desperate dan looking to pull a girl in a gar bar
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 43 (view)
 
how times have changed!
Posted: 1/28/2013 11:06:13 AM
Dettroiter
Your just a bit bruised mate cos your not getting shed loads of messages. If she sets her bar high and only wants to date the best looking blokes she can find then why not? Dont tell me that when you dont go in a bar /club and see a very attractive girl you think "mmmm I bet she has a lovely personality" - Yea right! its her cute face/bum/boobs/legs that initially attract you.

Behave ...IF you thought you had the looks and persona to attract really hot looking women then 1. You prob wouldnt be on POF and 2. You would be of the same mindset as her
-----------------------------------
Hey gramps do you have a point? May wanna re-think of what you just said
--------------------------------------
Now why would I want to do that ?
Yes I am a grandad and if you were trying to offend me by having a dig at my age then you need to grow up a little. You mention that one of Robs photos is horrible and yet you need to do something about the naff "I love my i phone pic" . Your own profile is the kind that must have been copied from a Junior high school friends facebook.

So little boy when you come on a forum and someone rattles your cage by not agreeing with you then perhaps you need to think a little more before posting on threads for grown ups :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 102 (view)
 
Premier League Football...There are 92 clubs in the league!
Posted: 1/28/2013 10:41:50 AM
Dont patronise me Frank just because you dont understand the difference - :)

Been a great weekend for the prima donnas in the Premiership.....Of course Liverpool fans will say they didnt have their strongest side out at Boundary Park.....Even though six of the starting line up are week in and week out regulars and the rest have had more than a few first team appearances ....Incidently our club captain Dean Furman is away playing for South Africa right now and Derbyshire returned to Forest several weeks ago ...Those are two big holes to fill for a club like us.

I see talk sport were going on about Premiership clubs not liking the "Long ball game of the lower leagues" nor the cold wet windy weather ??? Funny really they must have been watching the game on the radio to miss the fact that we passed the ball around, there was little hoofing done. Wabaras goal was 2 good passes, a Robbie Simpson run then a gorgeous cross met with a brilliant header. Our passing was statistically better than Liverpool's and while Gerard hit the bar we had chances to finish the game before they got their second.

As for the wet and windy weather hahaha....We played Liverpool from the North West not a club from the tropical shores...Stupid comment from a pundit

No Frank you may NOT see us in the Champions league but unlike Villa (Going down this year) you WILL see us in round 5 of the FA Cup .....
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
how times have changed!
Posted: 1/24/2013 5:51:49 PM
Young lady you sound like a teenager. ......Says the guy with the " Arnt I a cool person taking a pic of myself with my phone in a mirror" As many teens do on facebook :-)

Dettroiter
Your just a bit bruised mate cos your not getting shed loads of messages. If she sets her bar high and only wants to date the best looking blokes she can find then why not? Dont tell me that when you dont go in a bar /club and see a very attractive girl you think "mmmm I bet she has a lovely personality" - Yea right! its her cute face/bum/boobs/legs that initially attract you.

Behave ...IF you thought you had the looks and persona to attract really hot looking women then 1. You prob wouldnt be on POF and 2. You would be of the same mindset as her
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
rights to warn
Posted: 1/23/2013 11:21:26 AM
Im not denying your experience dynamite and perhaps hes a total ***hole but he will get found out.

If CRB checking was a process that could be carried out as part of the sign up on sites such as this then it would remove sexual offenders and the convicted of crimes against people - That isnt possible and even if it was then it does not prevent you meeting drunks, serial cheats, married men etc etc.

I cant imadgine how you must feel and my heart goes out to you, he does sound like a vile man but really you know yourself that the idea of some forum where people could warn others of such people just wont work. There will be totally innocent people trashed in the most vile manner just because they had the nerve either not to show up for a date, decide to end a relationship - It might possibly be simply because they choose not to reply to someone who sent them several emails.

In the meantime I would suggest you contact admin and tell them about the fact he says you wrote his profile - I am sure that can be dealt with. Also change your telephone number - You may feel you shouldnt have to but it would seem a sane solution - Then you wont get those calls.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
straight men meeting women at gay bars? good/bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2013 11:06:03 AM
Uh ya. Studies have proven the men most arroused by gay porn are those with declared homophobic views. So, the ones saying how a guy must be gay to be in such an enviroment are more likely merely projecting their own fantasies. Ones without an issue are the ones secure in their orientation and thus not threatened by what'd amount to flattery from men with unusually high standards. If a gay man flirts with you, a straight man, take it as praise from Caesar. :)

100% Jeff!
When living in Adelaide we wanted a night out which included caberate and dancing and my girlfriend suggested the Mars Bar club which was a well known gay night club.

I have to say it was one of my best nights out ever clubbing. It wasnt full of guys getting rat faced and leering a girls. There were no aggressive nutters looking for any excuse to cause a fight. The floor wasnt full of testerone and alcohol fuled guys crowding around attractive girls. At one point she went to the loo and after a few mins this guy started talking to me - To be honest I didnt realise he was hitting on me until the girlfriend returned and he apologised saying he didnt know we were together. We laughed about it and talked with this guy along witha couple of his male and female friends. A totally relaxed chilled night out - Even saw a hen party and the women seemed to be having a great time.

If by going to a gay bar people want to assume that I must be gay then as Jeff said, it just shows how stupid and arrogant as well as immature some people are. While I am straight I have friends of varying sexual orientation who frequent both straight and gay clubs. Where you choose to eat or seek out entertainment is not a statement of your sexuality.

As for the poster who thinks going to a gay bar increases his chances of attracting a woman - Jeesh he needs to address his insecurities and grow up a bit more before throwing himself on some poor girl who would prob have to delete every male number from her phone and social networks to curb his paranoia that she might find someone better than him
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
rights to warn
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:38:44 AM
"I wouldn't name and shame him I am sure he will be found out with his antics . I was talking to a chap on here who wanted me to warn any other guys I was in contact with about a woman in Newport .He e mailed me and said she had stole £40 out of his wallet and at first I believed him .Although I sympathised at the time , I said to report it to admin and the police.
I went on a date with him but he wasn't my cup of tea but wouldn't take no for an answer became quite a pest. It did cross my mind was he turned down by the other woman and then started these rumours , especially as he never reported it ."
-------------------------------------
That is such a good point. You only have to look on other social media sites and see the amount of lies and mudslinging that goes on. You cant have that going on here, if you did the forums would be littered with it.

I bet there are more than one or two here that have been dumped by partners or spouses because of THEIR infidelity or THEIR alcohol or substance abuse. Just perhaps they have changed their behaviour, gone through detox or rehab. Perhaps they are still the same but just maybe they see this as a chance to start again with a clean slate - You have to take people at face value and use your common sense. People cannot hide their true personality forever behind a profile and the truth always comes out.

There are some very malicious people about and while we should be wary about people we meet online we should not pay too much attention to poisenous tittle tattle
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
what impression do you get?
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:21:09 AM
I usually enjoy doing things in solitude; a hike, motorcycle ride, movie and beer at home.

Lose that for a start !
You dont seem very keen on sharing your interests.... Hiking alone, no room for a pillion rider, single movie ticket buyer and only one beer glass in your house.....

Do you actually WANT to have fun dating or just the odd deep meaningful conversation in the dark corner of the bar ?
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How to Romance HIM...chocolate and flowers? lol
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:09:18 AM
You know what .?..If you want to get him flowers or a box of Belgian chocs then go for it. We are not all so pumped up with testerone that we couldnt accept that as a romantic guesture,

I am assuming you have worked out what his music tastes are?

I remember being invited over for dinner years back and she had an album by Stevie Wonder playing (Songs in the key of Life I recall) I remarked how much I liked that album and was thinking of getting it....After Dinner and cuddles the time came for me to go home...As we kissed goodnight she slipped the album into my hand and told me she had bought it for me ....

That was a lovely touch in more ways than one :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Put a stop to the bubbly...[suggestion]
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:02:06 AM
You start of this thread talking about a filtering process that needs improvement but then you digress into profile composition.

The idea of a profile is to sell yourself and while that does not mean it has to be a profile that throws a wide a net as possible. It needs to be punchy and at least attract the interest of the kind of women you want to meet. If that isnt so then why bother writing a profile. Its the same profile concept you use on a CV when applying for a job. You are looking to generate interest in the first couple of paragraphs and create the desire for the reader to look at the rest of the page in detail.

I just love the following statements you made:

"Well that assumes that people left to their own devices are good at creating profiles which accurately represent themselves in a way which makes them stand out among the other users, a lot of people are actually very bad at this, so much so that POF provide both written and video guides to profile writing".

Writing a good profile is a skill like anything else because it's not enough to simply describe yourself, just like building a website today isn't enough, it has to be SEO friendly so people searching for it can find it easily. It's not any different for profiles".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You come across very arrogant Frost. To be honest your profile isnt creative at all, it does nothing to "Catch someone's eye. It is similar to many many profiles simply which list what you like and dont like. The cheesy pic of you holding a phone to take a pic of yourself in a mirror is one idea that has been around ever since it was possible to upload a pic - Not very original.

I would stop worrying too much about the mechanics of being able to type in specific words to narrow down the vast number of profiles to a number you find easy to search through and put your profile up for critique in the forums. You maybe clever with a computor but your not that smart at selling yourself.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Put a stop to the bubbly...[suggestion]
Posted: 1/22/2013 11:00:06 AM
I think you need to not worry too much and "Get a life" (To coin a well worn phrase).....Or perhaps your now excited and want to work out how many people use that term ?
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
how times have changed!
Posted: 1/22/2013 9:22:25 AM
Rob
There are so many women out there that have set their bar way high. They want someone with money, looks like George Clooney and a masters degree. Funny thing is that while they want all that when you look at their pic and profile they dont exactly look quite as good as they think they do.

Also there are so so many sites out in internet land that have emerged over the last 7 years that people can be registered on several sites. POF is getting more and more like a site for furum posters rather than people looking to really meet someone and get into a relationship.

The young guns and pretty young things seem to do well on POF as do those with plenty of money, As for the rest of us well, the older we get, the more lines that appear the less responses we get.

A lot depends of course where you live and the number of people who lie within travelling or dating distance but your right in some ways when you say that internet dating has become so saturated that it may have peaked and perhaps people are looking more and more to more conventional ways of meeting a prospective partner once again such as shared interest clubs, social clubs, bars, etc

Just my opinion of course - George Clooney or katey Price might think different
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Premier League Football...There are 92 clubs in the league!
Posted: 1/6/2013 1:10:42 PM
Actually Frank where do you get "I leave my family from to go travel to Oldham" Actually four members go to watch them. Also you right sigh I dont have a 55 inch telly ...I only have a 42 inch one.

I wonder how many matches you have actually been to in your life Frank? All your football watched slumped on a couch with a six pack by your side is it lol.

Who says the money I spend is wasted ? Who says we dont actually enjoy the trips we go on. The buzz on match day, stopping off for lunch somewhere and dinner on the way back. The banter in the social clubs at different grounds. The whole atmoshere of a match day - Something you clearly havent any idea about. When we were at Crawley for a game our captain rang across and gave my 6 year old grandson his training top, He autographed it at the Yeovil game......Can you get that sat on your back side in the pub or in your living room?

As for Oldham only getting £20 How on Earth would you know what we spend? We buy thre replica shirts - And kits for the boys for a start from the club shop. We pay for the website feed on the official site, programmes, food/drink in the ground. From time to time we buy other items like leisure wear, mugs, towels etc from the club.

My grandson will lead the club out at some point this season just like his mum and aunt did many years ago - Get that from being sat on your ass can you Frank?

And you cant seem to grasp that its not the level of football that matters? A REAL football supporter understands that. Sure it would be great if some rich Russian came in and threw millions at Oldham and we ended up in the Champions League one day but thats not going to happen.....Just like supporters of Fulham, Southampton, Aston Villa, Spurs, Liverpool wont be seeing a Champions League trophy either :)
-------------------------------
"u could support your own team x4 more effectively if you watched it on television,guess thats why barcalona and all the other clubs do so well with money,there fans buy there tops and stay loyal to them because of that reason and that reason only :) either way i see you and your grandson in the champions league battling with the other heavyweights of football or not" -- Lol I have never read such a paragraph of rubbish in all my life Frank.

You clearly havent any conception about teh experience of watching football travelling around to SUPPORT your team ...You waffle on in the pub with your mates knocking back the beer while your local club would probably benefit with you throwing a few quid there way and have you in the ground SUPPORTING them.

PS ....Had a good day at Nottingham Forest yesterday....0-1 down against a side chasing promotion to the Premiership then a brace of goals from Robbie Simpson as well as one from Jose Baxter - A free from Everton that a few Premiership sides are sniffing round (You wont have heard of him cos you just watch the Telly)

Now go on Frank do your bit from English football...throw another lump of wood on your log burner and turn your telly up....The game is safe with lovers of the game like you hahaha
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Premier League Football...There are 92 clubs in the league!
Posted: 1/3/2013 10:55:47 AM
Anyone can be a "fan" you miss my point ....Classing someone as a supporter of a club they never watch is a false definition and an insult to those that actually go and pay money to support their team.

Simple explanation: There are actually three other guys on the Isle of Wight I know who, some here might class them as Oldham supporters. In my eyes they are not, they maybe "fans" but they never go to see them play.

I personally find it laughable when someone claims to be a big SUPPORTER of a club and yet has never been to the ground. Their knowledge and and opinions come from watchin TV and reading tabloids.

I recall being in the pub one evening having a beer with a Bouremouth SUPPORTER friend. We had just returned from a game Kings Park and we were discussing the match. A couple of guys decided to put their 10 pence worth in and within 5 mins were pouring scorn on both clubs.
One said he supported Southampton so we asked if he ever went - Its a ruddy hour on the boat to Southampton and in 20 years he had never seen a game!! As far as we were concerned his credibillity was down the plug, - He was no more a supporter of Southampton than my dog is. Just like many Man United "Fans" who claim to SUPPORT them and yet when asked about the clubs history dont know jack about them prior to Fergie taking over - Sorry I cant take such people serious when they discuss the team.


You want a current definition of a supporter Frank?

How about the Portsmouth Supporters that rathan see their club fold have gathered together, run a difficult and arduous campaign to try to save their club from maladminstration?. Who turn up to every home game and pour thousands into the club coffers? - THATS what a football supporter IS Frank.

Yes I can be a fan of Messi/Ronaldo . I can be a fight fan or a horse racing fan ....There is a huge difference in definition between a fan and a SUPPORTER.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Universal Credits !!
Posted: 1/2/2013 8:04:25 AM
Just had a lovely surprise myself.....

Took a job end of March after being out of work a long time...Job was to cover maternity leave, should have ended October but end of November boss said we want to keep you but can only give you 30 hours....

Nooo roblem I thought, I will get Working Tax Credits....So I apply and they want to know what I earned LAST tax year not what I am on now? I spoke to them and said look im on xxxx an hour for 30 hours, last year I was for thge most part on benefit. That was my situation THEN not NOW.....Sorry thats how it works they said..

So Ive been awarded WTC credit on the basis of what I earned in 2011/2012 and it adds up so I am much better off than I would be on the dole ...Brilliant.....

But come April thats a different ball game because then they base it on what I earned 2012/2013, Now I had no idea id be kept on so while I put a little money aside I expected to be out of work or rather looking for work. Instead Ive taken the 30 hours at minimum wage. Come April they will base my WTC credit on that tax year which of course will have 8 months on a full salary and 4 months at part time. That will take me over the threshold so despite the fact I will continue to be on 30 hours a week I will lose all WTC.

That of course is stupid because I dont live in reverse. I dont fill my tank to drive to work LAST week. I dont buy shopping to feed myself three months ago We live in the NOW, the PRESENT and just like you dont know what your health will be like in 6 months time you cant possibly know what you will be earning in 6 months time unless of course your in a solid regular full time job.

You should get WTC on the basis of what you earn NOW not what you earned last year.....Now IF i dont get full time work or secure 10 hours work elsewhere then come April with the way WTC is calculated then I wont be able to work because I simply wont be able to afford to BUT catch 22....I leave cos I cant afford to live. Sign on and then get suspended for leaving my job voluntarilly?

This system makes it seem your better off not taking a part time job because if you do then in the long run your penalsed.....Madness
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Are You Confident?
Posted: 1/2/2013 7:43:30 AM
I know how you feel Hams as I am sure many do.....

Before I married I didnt have a care in the world. I always went out assuming that if I asked a girl to dance or said hi to her then shed either start dancing or say hi back and conversation started. If she said no or wasnt interested then I just put it down to the fact ok she didnt like me or was in a realtionship - I saw no poit in taking the rejection to heart because law of averages said to me that the next girl who took my eye might say yes.

I might be wrong but I think most women like confidence in a man as long as hes not too arrogant with it. Now I am much older its different. I am very conscious of my age, every wrinkle, grey hair etc and also while you might be the same bloke as you were at 21 (Altho wiser) on the inside you sure as hell are not the same on the outside. I accept that attractive women close to my age also attract attention from younger guys - We live in the age of the "Couger"
so you cant help feeling even less confident.

Due to the nature of my work I am talking all day long with people and on the phobne I can be a little flirty because thats my nature but then that person cant see me so I dont feel insecure about my looks.

I havent really been getting out as much as I should but I have decided this year to join a few groups with similar interests so that if theres a lady there I like then, over a period of time, I will not have any confidence issues talking to her because we have a mutual interest that gives good reason to start talking :)

Interested to see how the ladies respond to your post ...Trust me tho Hams theres shed loads of us out here that understand you

NB Welshduck ...Your profile had me in freaking stitches mate ,, I almost fell over when you mentioned the SAS bit hahahahah I was in tears crying with laughter ...Good luck
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Are You Confident?
Posted: 1/2/2013 5:09:13 AM
One more ear and one more eye than a mouth.....Totally agree light..

Less mouth more listening and observation .......
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
How to improve Call Centres?
Posted: 1/2/2013 4:56:44 AM
1 The most knowledgeable reps can take 2 or 3 times the number of calls a new rep can, and their callers are more satisfied. Therefore, people who take more calls and offer a better service should get much higher wages (high enough that they can afford to buy a house *gasp*).

ANSWER: Will never happen you cannot pay someone on the volume of calls. If you are a travel agent in a call centre you might spend an hour with someone who has no idea what they want and a long and protracted conversation might take place. Your colleague might take half a dozen short calls in that time...and you pay the first guy less? Same for a complaint. One call might be complex while the next in the loop might be easy. Also you would get inexperienced staff passing on calls to experienced staff and cherry picking easy calls to up their call rate.
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2 No obnoxious sales targets for things like PPI.

Targets and KPIs are here to stay. All staff in a sales envoironment are measured on many aspects of their work and targets are set high in order for those of the highest calibre to be rewarded for achieving them. If you lower the target then you lower the effort - Also Like it or not for all those that moan about PPI there are countless thousands that have been glad of an income protection policy that has enabled them to pay credit card interest, bill payments etc when ill or out of work.
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3 No having to ask permission to go to the toilet or similar rules.

If you do not advise your call centre team leader that you need to log off then that puts undue pressure on the rest of the team. Also your supervisor is equally accountable for centre call rates and log out time. No one who works in a call centre minds asking to log off to use the loo or anything else important because they know the impact of logging out can make.
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4 Make it easy for reps to report the cause of calls so that changes can be made swiftly.

Of course regular problems flag up and are passed along to the correct department to pay special attention to but depending on the product or service it can take a long time to deal with product problems. Also sometimes the call centre works on behalf of several companies at once so they have no control, nor do they have the infrastructure to deal at that depth.
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5 No list of options to press if people are available to take the call as soon as someone first rings.

Who says someone is available? and if you want a list of options just what are you expecting ?
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6 Close accounts of abusive customers (this rarely happens now).

Thats because your cutting your nose to spite your face. Most call centre staff with experience get used to dealing with nasty, patronising, loud mouth, crap talking clients and just let it go over their heads. Might as well take the call, let them have their rant then either deal with the issue. sell them the product or pass it up the ladder.
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7 Use online chat as well as telephone calls.

Then you open a new can of worms :)
You start to get loads of calls saying "They cant access chat " "Chat isnt working proprly for them" They want then to be able to leave offline messages to get a call back and moan if they dont get one. Smaller centres would have to increase product prices just to bring in a chat facillity. If your talking about a public forum then like most of them they just become biatching rooms. No merit to that idea, more cost and no better service...Make the call to the centre and wait to be answered thank you.
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8 Hire upper level employees from within the call centre whenever possible. Many call centre reps have degrees masters or relevant experience from previous jobs.

And? You can have a ruddy doctorate but it dont mean you are fast and efficient on the phones and can actually deal with people in a professional manner. I have trained enough graduates that have shown as much commonsense and abillity as a dead fly.
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9 Listen to feedback from reps and act on it.

Sorry talking to the wrong team - Most major companies have feedback forms, have letter boxes and you can usually email the MD or Production. Call centre staff dont have the remit to change policy or producyion methods...You might as well complain to your paper boy that the news was rubbish today :)
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10 A decent note adding system

Most have that, its called transaction notes or client review screen. Its in the operators interest to make notes so that if another call is recieved then the person who answers has a transaction/customer service record they can refer to. Thats why Thomas Cook alo know that your a difficult person to deal with, have made several insurance claims and need handling with kid gloves or you will go off on one ...Its ALL noted :)
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Seven Day NHS?
Posted: 1/2/2013 4:18:10 AM
And thats where nominal fees for doctors/out patient visits would come in. And just what is happening to all the National Health Lottery going? Is it making up the shortfall of funds the government has cut back on?

Get rid of several tiers of admin and management and just perhaps there might be enough in the purse. Start refusing to treat health tourists without a pre paid bond from their country of origin or valid travel insurance then perhaps we will have enough in the pot...

The NHS was for the benefit for this country and its citizens not there to provide assistane to every bugga that arrives here with no medical cover....If I go abroad I pay so should they.

NHS sucked dry by parasites
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Premier League Football...There are 92 clubs in the league!
Posted: 1/2/2013 4:06:42 AM
If your referring to me FCB then call me old fasioned I dont care but I believe there is a difference between a ressult watcher and a supporter :)

IE my grandson comes with me and supports Oldham even tho we live on the Isle of Wight...Most if not all of his mates have never seen a game so when one says "WHo are Oldham they are rubbish?" He has the very valid comeback " And you support Man United? ...and You last saw them when? )

A supporter by definition is what it is: Someone who actually DOES support then by paying money at the gate, buying programmes and merchandise. Not someone who sits every week in front of TV following it on Sky TV :)
Anyone can do that.

Nothing beats the excitement of a match day and getting on the ferry chatting to other club supporters off to SUPPORT their team .. When we were off to Yeovil 22nd December there were fans of several clubs making long treks despite the shocking weather.

THAT defines a Supporter from the rest ....Or perhaps the English Oxford definition is wrong ?
 
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