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 Author Thread: Why no interest/support in your partners interests?
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Why no interest/support in your partners interests?
Posted: 12/2/2011 6:27:13 PM
It would depend on the type of relationship. If my "partner" had no interest in my interests/hobbies/work or whatever then I'm not going to really try to display interest either. I probably will in the beginning but with casual dating and that initial getting to know you time frame I want to know about the person. But if its one sided then my interest in listening will stop. It usually goes downhill from there also.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
waiting period
Posted: 12/2/2011 5:59:36 PM
I'm going with mermaid on this one. Its smarter to forgo a rebound. Dealing with feelings and getting over the person will put you in a better place than running to the next available person. Rebounding doesn't get you over someone, it just delays it and uses someone who you could possibly hurt because you're not emotionally ready to be with someone new. Being alone isn't the end of the world. Being happy with yourself goes a long way towards having a better relationship in the future.

As for a time out I haven't a clue. It's easier to just have a clean break than to drag it out.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What did you do with the diamond that wasnt forever.?
Posted: 12/2/2011 10:34:44 AM
I think it's in a jewelry box but I'm not 100% sure of that. It's been a couple years so I'd have to actually look for it to know for sure. This is the first time I actually thought about it to be honest.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Do you have to be always kept in the loop while in a relationship?
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:12:34 PM
I don't think so. The other person may have been able to give an unbiased viewpoint that I wouldn't have or may be more knowledgeable about whatever the issue is. But it may depend on the personal issue too. If it'll effect me in some way I may be hurt but he would by no means have to discuss it with me first.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Has Anyone Here Found Love on POF?
Posted: 12/1/2011 2:34:50 PM
Nope. But my aunt (who is a few months older than me) met her husband online about 9 years ago and they're still married. It's not unheard of, just rare.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Short about me section
Posted: 12/1/2011 1:24:50 PM
Mine is short but it was longer when I first came on this site. I got the same questions asked that I had already put in the about me and it didn't make a difference. When I unhid my profile recently it hasn't made a difference that it's short.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
guy with girl friends
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:28:59 AM
I worked in a male dominant career before I was a nurse so male friends I have in abundance and I keep in touch and joke around with them constantly. I would tone it down if asked but I won't give them up. And I do not talk to my ex's except for my ex hubby since he is the father of my kids. Ex's are ex's for a reason. As long as I'm being thrown to the back burner for a bf's "girl" friend's repeatedly, I don't care if he has female friends. Especially since I'm going to keep mine.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why do women run back to their ex?
Posted: 11/29/2011 3:25:21 AM
Because she has mistaken infatuation with love. It's not a word to be said lightly and is like pulling teeth to get me to say it. Love takes a long time to develop and I would take it with a grain of salt if said to me with less than a year in a relationship. I'd wait for the "honeymoon" to wear off for me to possibly believe it.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Do women really talk about everything?
Posted: 11/28/2011 5:06:52 PM
I don't but that's just me. I may admit to seeing someone to my best friend but anything more than that isn't their business. I like my personal life to stay personal. I also hate talking about feelings and it's hard for me to open up. Talking about a relationship opens the door for someone to ask questions and I just don't want to deal with the inevitable questions and the hedging I know I'll do. My best friend knows me well enough to wait until I talk or not... Now my kids are fair game on a conversation.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Is saying you're cold sometimes a trick to get close?
Posted: 11/26/2011 12:30:40 PM
You're how old and asking this?
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 681 (view)
 
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:02:04 AM
I make my own money and I'm continuing my education to make more. It's annoying to have someone tell me how much they make, what their assets are, etc. It's why I have a job and make my own money. I like being financially independent. As long as the man works and can pay his bills then why does the question of who makes more have to be an issue?
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 35 (view)
 
finally left a sexless marriage.
Posted: 11/25/2011 12:21:39 AM
That was one of the reasons I divorced but at that point I just didn't want to risk catching what he may have picked up along the way.

Wait to date until you're ready. It can take time after a failed marriage. Don't rush it.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Getting Off POF
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:50:34 PM
If he didn't have an acct too and was bothered by my being on here then yes. I'd close the acct. I just find these forums intersting and I post some. Its something I can live without though. Since that's not the case for me, I'll continue to read and post occationally.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Girls in the Military
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:45:02 PM
Hang in there. I had the same problem when I was active. I was TAD constantly and it's hard I know. I did untimately date and marry but not everyone wants to be with someone that is gone half the time. It makes it really hard to meet and get to know someone.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 71 (view)
 
are some people non-datable?
Posted: 11/20/2011 3:08:57 PM
^^ as someone told me, thebugisback, that's not un-dateable. It's you not wanting to date. There's a difference.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Dating advice: You've found the one so keep dating. What? Where do the guys stand on this one?
Posted: 11/19/2011 3:58:40 PM
Buckets... I completely agree with this and found that happening to me. It makes you want to cut the other person loose so they can find what they want.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Do the Holidays add an extra yearning ?
Posted: 11/17/2011 9:06:06 AM
" Yes, unless your name happens to be Ebenezer Scrooge."

^Is there a female version of that? If it wasn't for my kids, I would just sleep in that day and enjoy a nice cuppa. X-mas is for the kids and family. I just don't think it's much different from most any other day otherwise.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Do the Holidays add an extra yearning ?
Posted: 11/15/2011 3:27:15 PM
This is going to sound bad probably but it's business as usual. I hate trying to figure out what someone else would want and wondering if what I pick out is what they would want. Definitely less stress knowing I don't need to do that.

It probably helps that I haven't had to buy for a S/O in 4 years.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 49 (view)
 
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 11/15/2011 9:50:49 AM
"I do believe a person can be in search of a serious LTR but have a FWB to satisfy their temporary needs. I've never seen them as one in the same. In my experiences/observations I've noticed that when one of the parties becomes involved in a LTR, the friends part usually disappears along with the benefits.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with somebody who is on POF exclusively for sex. There is a status for that. It's when people lie about, that's when it bothers me. Have some integrity and don't state that you're looking for a LTR when you're just looking to get laid. The guys who lie about it make it harder for men like me who have a sincere desire to meet somebody special and build a relationship that means something."

^^I agree. That kind of relationship usually ends completely with no friend status either. Just the risk people take when having that. And the guys who put "dating" and "ltr" with wanting a relationship half the time have no intentions of anything more than a one-nighter or just a long term fb. It takes time and patience to weed out the ones who are sincere. There's enough bullsh!tters where I live that I'm having more fun reading the forums now instead of looking at the possibilities on here. FWB only take care of a physical need. There's no companionship, emotions on both sides, or a future to this type of relationship. It can be empty, lonely, and grows old fast. No wonder she's looking for a ltr. If OP doesn't agree with it then he can hop on along. She isn't forcing him to consider dating her. We all still have free will.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 61 (view)
 
are some people non-datable?
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:27:58 PM
"are some people non-datable?"

Sometimes being non-datable is a choice. I was after my divorce. I was completely content to enjoy my single status for quite a while. It was wonderful. I didn't want to date anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing and hang with my kids. I really didn't want to jump into a new relationship. Meeting new people was ok but I wouldn't agree to go on dates with anyone back then.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 71 (view)
 
what is the deal breaker in any relationship, would you leave or try to work it out first?
Posted: 11/13/2011 10:56:07 AM
" Cheating, lying constantly, and physical abuse. All are non-negotiable"

^^ I completely agree and it is non-negotiable! If he does it once, he'll do it again. I'd leave and not look back.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 202 (view)
 
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:54:52 AM
"Whether you want to be believe it or not... more military wives cheat then do the men. Men talk a bit game about doing this and that, but when it comes down to it, most would never actually act. The wives are much worse. Everyone wants to feel sorry for them while their husband is deployed... yeah right. More than 50% of them are at the clubs two weeks after he's gone. That's the reality of it."

^^ This is complete bull. I was active duty and went TAD and spent a lot of time away from home. The number of men that cheated on their wives while they were TAD was rediculous. The wives (or husbands) who are left at home may cheat but the active duty guy/gal does too. It's discusting.
I dated and married a military guy while I was still active, I can hope that he didn't cheat but I couldn't say for sure. We both were sent TAD often. I can only say that cheating is stupid and why stay together if you can't wait for the one you're supposed to love.
Maybe the active duty women should be shying away from the men. They're just as bad. It takes a strong individual to handle the seperation and then having to share the responsibilities after up to 6 months (or sometimes more) of taking care of everything while the spouse was deployed. I found it easier to be the one sent TAD than being the one at home. But then my trips were short (1-3 months) and I had a job to do and focus on and some great sites to see in new countries.
A military spouse does need a support system and people to talk to. It helps them to handle the seperation and give them a way to vent/get their mind off the initial seperation. Having enough of independent interests outside of the relationship can help. It does get a little easier as time goes by but that initial couple of weeks/month can be hard. And not all people are cut out to be a military spouse.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/12/2011 6:31:53 PM
How is this a competition? If she's not exclusive or intimate with anyone, then going on a date with this other guy shouldn't be an issue. She wouldn't have accepted a date with you if she wasn't atleast somewhat interested in getting to know you. This is what "dating" is.
I wouldn't expect someone to assume, after being setup by friends to meet someone at a party (no matter how long it took to be setup), that I would now have to be exclusive with that person. It was just a way of getting two people to meet who may not ordinarily meet each other otherwise.

"We hit it off and talked on and off for a few hours and I left with a big hug."

^^ The date is to continue getting to know each other and you can have a conversation between just the two of you without the interruptions that apparently happened on your "meeting." She probably went on a date with the other guy first because she and he had free time sooner than Monday and you didn't. Simple as that. If she's what you're looking for and you're attracted to her then why not go on the date and really start getting to know her?
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 61 (view)
 
As the FWB turns...
Posted: 11/12/2011 2:29:28 PM
" You would never tell your friend you cared?

Yikes.

I guess the friend part's open to discussion hu?

If he died beside you; would you call the police or ambulance; or would you merely roll him into the ditch, and leave?" <-- A code status would be helpful in this situation.

^^I phrased that wrong apparrently. Would saying that I wouldn't tell him that I care more for him than just a friend make more sense?
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Friendly words...
Posted: 11/11/2011 9:25:53 PM
"Babe" is my teeth grinding, irritating, can't stand it word. But that's just me. Find one special for her.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
ladies just wonder what you prefer loving man who are not good at sex,or the god of sex with nothing
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:56:11 PM
I'm selfish because I would like both. But if it came down to it I'll take the loving guy. We wouldn't be able to have sex forever and when we finally get too old I'll want something atleast. Providing that I actually meet this person at some point (or recognise I've met him).
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 37 (view)
 
As the FWB turns...
Posted: 11/9/2011 9:54:13 PM
" Maybe I am afraid to go further than FWB. I'm "comfy" now without that commitment. Ya know? I just don't want to get into a relationship and it go bye bye for some reason. I like knowing I can get that companionship that I crave sometimes..then go home. It's just something that I have to figure out little by little."

^^ Now that I can understand. It's nice to know you can have the best of both worlds and not have to deal with the baggage. Just be upfront with him. Spend more time with him getting know him if you think you may want more. If not then either cut it off or tell him you'd like to just keep it the way it is. Just don't string him along. It's not fair to either of you. I for one would never tell a FWB that I cared, but that's just me. I'd just enjoy it while it lasted if the feelings were one sided (aka my side only).
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Are Grand Gestures ever wise ?
Posted: 11/9/2011 12:20:21 PM
A grand gesture like that after only one date would weird me out. Maybe after I had been dating the guy for awhile but I try to keep my personal life seperate from work. Save the gesture for down the road. A call telling me he enjoyed the date and making plans for another one will get a better reaction from me. And skip the chocolates since I'm not a chocolate lover.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Bareback Sex!
Posted: 11/7/2011 4:52:57 PM
" Committed relationship, and no condoms for me!!!
sleeping around with people, not for me,......
not saying that that is a bad thing, its just not for me"

^^^ As long as my partner is not sleeping around. It's a dicussion that has to be had and agreed on though. If he has no intention of keeping it in his pants then it's a "not going to happen" regardless of how attracted I am. Guess that's why I'm not into one nighters. STDs scare the hell out of me.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Need a womans opinion on this...
Posted: 11/7/2011 10:17:16 AM
I agree with daynadaze. You can't get demoted if all you were was just two friends who decided to have sex. FB/FWB is just that.. Scatching an itch until one of you decides you want to get back into the dating scene. If you're this bothered by this then you probably need to steer clear of NSA stuff. Start dating again and accept that you are back to being "just friends." If you're too attached then you may want to take her off your facebook and off your phone. FWB/FB rarely work because eventually one of the two will get attached. Granted it's usually the female, but even guys can mistake something casual as more.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Would You Relocate?
Posted: 11/3/2011 1:16:32 PM
Sure. If I felt that he really was the right guy for me. But that's not a decision I'd take lightly since I do have family to think about too. I'm just lucky that I have a job that would give me that kind of flexibility. Hell, I came close once to agreeing to live in a different country but that was before children.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Why can't women be more like blokes?
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:46:36 AM
Since I don't like games like that, it's anyone's guess why someone (male and female) do it. If I'm showing someone attention it's because I want to be with that person. I'm not going to show attention to someone otherwise. I don't have time or patience for it.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How many do overs should a Woman Get ?
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:33:03 AM
I would think however many she wants. She's entering into a marriage with someone new and to her it may be her way of signifying that this marriage is just as important, if not more so, than the previous. Granted, it's not my thing but to each their own. I was content to have my one wedding with a judge. So I may not be the best one to answer this.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
When a guy gets distant...
Posted: 11/2/2011 8:38:46 AM
I agree with Lilli, a guy who actually cares will still make time for you if he really wants to be with you. Don't change who you are or cause yourself to lose your self-respect.

I have a busy schedule just as any guy does. If I find that I'm the one putting in all the effort with him giving no indication that I'm nothing more than an after thought, then it's time to move on and meet someone who WANTS to be with me. It doesn't matter how much you may care, if the feeling isn't reciprocated then it's a stress and constant worry that you don't need. Easier said than done though.

You can try talking to him about it too. Let him know how you feel without placing blame. It can be that he really is busy and everyday life had to be a priority for right now. Don't ignore it and drag it out until you feel resentful though. It'll make anyone go on the defensive when you finally do say something.

Good luck.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Men who think women who like sex are nymphomaniacs. Double standards.
Posted: 10/31/2011 6:23:29 PM
" HELL, THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY, I have not met any man, that complained that the woman he is with really loves sex!!!! I think the double standard is long gone, it is for me!!!"

I've only heard one guy say that "sex isn't important," but then again he also was not into any form of experimentation and that's just plain boring. Definitely wouldn't have been a good match for me.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Hearing problems-Does anyone else deal with this?
Posted: 10/31/2011 5:48:31 PM
I deal with a hearing problem too. It's a pain but I don't usually say anything right away unless I'm dealing with a patient. I don't think it's bad enough for a hearing aide but a friend of mine does have to use them and she's 29. Go with what you're comfortable with. I have noticed people are a bit more understanding and patient with me once they know though.

As for public settings/noisy environments, I try to focus on the person speaking. It helps me figure out what they're saying. It's when I can't "see" someone say something that I have more of a problem. Dunno if this helps any.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Sexual Repertoire ...slow play or show your hand?
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:08:54 AM
" I think oral is expected in round #1. The ropes and toy bin should probably wait till a later round."

^^^I agree!
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is it me or him?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:34:45 PM
Let's see if I have this right. You have no non-intimacy, he's unwilling to give you what you need and all you really have is exclusivity. You don't know his friends or family except for maybe what he tells you and neither of you stay over. It's a type of relationship but not one that will lead to anything. Unless you're ok with it only being a booty call, you may be better off cutting your losses and finding someone else. It'll save you some heartache atleast. JMO
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Friends With Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2011 1:57:28 PM
I agree with shybutsassy91. Cut your losses and get your ring back. It does sound like she's stringing you along. If she wanted to get back together with you, she would have already.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
misdirected email
Posted: 10/28/2011 1:52:16 PM
I think chatting with 10 may be a lot to keep up with but she's not committed to anyone from what you've told us. Chatting/going on dates with more than one person isn't a crime. It's actually smart. Until both people agree to date exclusively, there's nothing wrong with dating/talking to more than one person I wouldn't think. If there isn't any kind of exclusivity and you haven't even met, I don't see why this needs to be an issue.

As for drama, that's up to you if you want to deal with that.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 106 (view)
 
What are some of the times you most miss a relationship-(not the obvious ones)
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:58:57 PM
I miss having someone around to just talk to. Even just the quirky, meaningless kind of conversation and knowing it's just that. Friends are good as a substitute though.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Which is HARDER for you.. to give away your body or your heart First
Posted: 10/16/2011 8:00:18 PM
My heart is harder. My body is a physical response and it won't necessarily cause me to feel something for my partner more than attraction. There's more I need in order for me to give my heart to someone. Physical gratification isn't enough.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Why do woman think an hour away is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:50:26 AM
" howing a pic with your son in it, is nt a good idea. Being a single father is a deal breaker for many...."

That's like saying it should be a deal breaker that a woman is a single mom. A guy who takes responsibility for their child/children should never be a deal breaker.

I would do the distance if I was interested enough. But with my crazy work schedule, I know I wouldn't be able to see him often. My kids live with me and are very seldom gone (2-3 times a year) and since I wouldn't introduce my patner to them until I felt the relationship was serious, it wouldn't be fair to someone who didn't live closer.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 70 (view)
 
When do you tell your lover your kinky?
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:13:46 AM
" Amusing. Sensuality is the first thing that attracts people to lifestyle. It isn't only about ropes and chains. D/s relationship target primal level of sexuality. I can go into details but it is far more sensual then most realize."

^^^ Well said.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Stalkers, Creeps, and Assorted Scum...
Posted: 10/1/2011 9:09:49 PM
I don't think everyone are creepers but some have creeped me out. Most have been normal for the most part.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
How would you interpret this?
Posted: 9/30/2011 2:05:56 PM
Yes, there's a difference. Wanting to date before getting serious seems reasonable to me. I prefer taking things slow rather than jumping into something serious right away. But that could just be me.

If she's ignoring you after you respond to her then why not just stop responding? There are plenty other females out there. I wouldn't waste my time with someone who doesn't respond back.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How do you ladies deal with jealousy?
Posted: 9/30/2011 1:36:55 PM
I think it would depend on what the issue is. I've dumped a guy because I didn't want to deal with his jealousy. It also would depend on how far they guy takes the jealousy.

Jealousy to me is a two-way street. But if it's something my partner is doing or saying that's causing it then I'll address it. If I trust him then it's not a real big issue for me. If he's given/shown me reasons not to trust him then I don't need to be in that kind of relationship.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 73 (view)
 
New, specific question about squirting
Posted: 9/21/2011 9:50:09 PM
I'd have to say it's better and different. A regular O is good but, for me anyway, squirting is so much better.
 
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