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 Author Thread: So my profile sucks I guess?
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
So my profile sucks I guess?
Posted: 12/31/2016 8:02:44 PM
First, I'd consider tightening that age range. Do you *really* want to date a 21 year old, who is probably several levels of maturity behind you?

Your pictures are ok, although I'd suggest adding one with a bigger smile.

Your interests are fine - no need to change those.

The 'About Me' needs work. You should add a line or two about why you're a good choice for a date... describe why a guy will want more than a one-and-done. You're looking for a relationship, so explain why you're relationship material, and not just a hang-out partner.

Unfortunately, the pervs and jerks are out there and they're good at hiding themselves until they convince you to meet, so don't worry about dismissing them when they show their true colors. Just have a list of things you want to rule out when you contact a guy to try to weed out the players.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
I am no good at profile making
Posted: 12/20/2016 1:11:38 PM
If you're physically unable to work, there is no shame is using "on disability" as the occupation. "Pensioner" leaves too much doubt in someone's mind as to how a 30 year old is on a pension. You may even find that "on disability" will attract a more compassionate person who is willing to be more patient.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please Review My Profile
Posted: 11/14/2016 12:47:20 PM
Agree with FullMoonGuy. Your About Me comes off as very defensive - mostly, you announce what you don't like and don't want. That alone makes you very unapproachable. I often recommend people think about "selling" themselves in their personal ads. Would you ever consider buying a car if the ad listed all the things that are wrong with it? Or a house where the ad mainly discussed how bad the neighborhood is? Your profile has to make the "buyer" want to purchase.
Scrap the whole About Me and start over. Discuss what you like to do. Tell men why you're the grow-old-together type. Hobbies, leisure activities, what's your weekend usually like - things that make men say "Hey, I like those things too!" You'll get responses when the readers see something that interests them, not a long list of reasons why you're upset at the whole process.

The headless pictures are usually not a good idea. Have someone take a picture for you if you don't have a camera and tripod. Lots of people have privacy concerns about photographing children or grandchildren, so that picture is almost pointless to include since it doesn't show your face either.

Being picky is fine, but be picky based on the responses you receive - don't dismiss people before they even have a chance to correspond. And, contact men you fiond interesting - don't just wait for them to find you.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Profile review please :)
Posted: 11/7/2016 12:06:51 PM
All the pictures are headshots - men want to see a full height picture to determine your definition of "average" body type vs their own. Use the blue hat picture as your main - the rest of them have you partially or mostly squinting.

The interests list is fine - leave it alone. :)

The About Me needs a bit of work. Give some insight into your personality and why you're a good catch. Everyone's profile says what you have (make me laugh, treat me like a lady), so there's nothing that makes you stand out. Lose the last line about Siesta Key beach - if your heart belongs to anyone/anything but your man (or your kids if you had them), then you'll come across as unfocused or disinterested. You're not looking for "serious" at this point, but you're also likely not looking for just anyone who uses the men's room either.

Once you have that done, start messaging guys you like. Don't sit around and wait for them to find you.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I need help. not attracting what I'm looking for.
Posted: 8/10/2016 2:58:13 PM
1 - "death" is never an attracting word in a user name, no matter the context. Most people over 50 don't want to think about that.

2 - the main photo is too revealing. That's the picture people see in the index, so yes, men who see that much skin/cleavage will message you looking for even less clothing. If that's not who you are or what you want, a more appropriate outfit that better represents who you are and what you're about is needed. A skin/cleavage picture like that tells most guys "I don't have much else going for me, so here are my breasts!" I get the impression that's not you, so killing off that picture is mandatory.

3 - At this age group, MOST men are going to look like the "couch potato" type... most men in their 50s are not interested in being anything they not already are, physically or emotionally. Message the guys YOU find attractive and see if they respond.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Can I get a profile review? I want to know how it makes me look
Posted: 7/31/2016 9:20:51 AM
It's not a bad foundation as far as ads go.

The first two pictures (purple top, headphones) don't show a smile - I'd ditch those. Women who look like they are too stoic or disinterested are general turnoffs, especially at your age range. And please add a full height picture... "average" body means different things to different people, so a full body shot eliminates misunderstandings. A few of your pictures are in Broncos gear, but you mention absolutely nothing about liking football or sports - nothing wrong with captioning one of those with "I'm a big Broncos fan and will be on the couch next to you every fall Sunday yelling at the TV!"

Noting your longest relationship is less than 1 year may be honest, but it's also a bit of red flag that you may be flighty, lose interest quickly, or can be difficult to get along with. Be prepared to explain that in conversation if it comes up.

Your text is just a list of likes - nothing about your personality and why someone should actually go out with you. Tell the reader want kind of person you are when you're in a relationship, what traits make you the one for him, why he should not even bother with the next ad. Let guys know you're a faithful devoted partner who stands by and supports them. You're here to "sell" yourself - make the "buyer" take notice.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Asking for male feedback on the profile?
Posted: 7/29/2016 8:45:29 AM
Let's see...

You need a full-height/full-body picture. Men are visual; we tend to think the worst when women specifically leave out what's below their shoulders.

"Next Chapter" is a cliché - everyone is here to find their "next", so it's unnecessarily stating the obvious.

Underlining "SCUBA diving" seems a bit odd - your screen name notes it, you have a picture underwater... we get it.

The Me and You sections of your text don't match. In the "You" section, you're descriptive of traits and features, but your "Me" section is just a long list of comparisons... this BUT not that. I don't see anything there that tells me why I should pick you over the next woman's ad... I should see the reasons why I would want to grow old with you. The buts, nots, and "deal breakers" present negativity. Unify those paragraphs to be a little more equitable in style. (By the way, "lose" is the opposite of win, "loose" means not tight.)

The disclaimer... c'mon. This is the same lame "disclaimer" that has been on Facebook at least a decade and means absolutely nothing. This is not your website, thus you have no legal right to claim what can be done with any content. See the bottom of every page? It says "Copyright 2001-2016 Plentyoffish Media ULC" - that is the only entity who can make a disclaimer, and you already agreed to *theirs* when you accepted the Terms of Use upon registering. (As someone who was employed for 15 years as a forums moderator for a well-known site, it was part of my job to enforce those terms.) That TOU is in fact a legally-binding contract between POF and you, and by using their site, you agree to their rules, not your own.

You have the basis of a good ad... just needs a little refinement.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Profile Review Please!
Posted: 7/14/2016 9:53:20 AM
Men are visual - no picture means you're not proud of what you look like, and thus men won't be either.

Your "I'm 5'5" and 203 ATHLETIC lbs" line is clearly defensive, trying to justify high weight. There is a big difference between being active and having an athletic body type. A man who reads/hears "203 ATHLETIC lbs" to describe a woman expects her to be at least 5' 10" (and likely well over 6') and ripped. No matter how active you are, 200+ is too heavy for your height, and men won't care if you *live* at a gym. (The US CDC says the average American adult female is 5' 4" and 165.)

If you really want to take this seriously, you need to sell yourself. This is an ad just like for a car, a house, or the latest smartphone. Why should a man "buy" you over the woman in the next ad? What features make you grow-old-together material? And again, that's where the pictures come in... these aren't the newspaper personals from 30 years ago where a picture was impossible to include. When you search ads here, you're drawn to the pictures of guys that look nice to you, then you read the text to see if they are your type. Guys do the same - ads with no pics get no meaningful hits, so you're just going to get the trollers who think you're cheating, "seeing what's out there", or are desperate for any man. If you want a good man, you'll have to put forth some honest effort to attract one.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Girl That Knows What She Wants Review Me?
Posted: 6/9/2016 2:53:27 PM
Either one will work. Those are traits men want to know about... guys don't want to deal with jealousy, smothering, indifference, or anything like that. That description shows you'll be an honest devoted partner - and make sure the guys who show interest say something similar in return.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Need some profile help please
Posted: 6/8/2016 11:31:52 AM
Remember, a personal ad is to "sell" yourself. There's nothing currently there that makes someone want to "buy".

The pictures you have are good, but always have at least one full height picture. Men are visual - if all we see are headshots, we think there's something below the shoulders she's trying to hide or isn't proud of... that usually becomes "is she REALLY 'slim' or fudging that body style a bit?"

For the text, briefly explain why you're a great catch. A guy reading your ad should be able to say "Wow, she's someone I could settle down with long-term!" Unless you're just looking for dates that will only last a month or two, you need to describe why you're "grow old together" material.

From your posts here, it's clear you're a little nervous, and that's ok. But your profile has to show confidence. You must project some level of strength or guys will think you're a pushover. A sentence or two describing something you're very passionate about will help.

Hope that helps - good luck!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Girl That Knows What She Wants Review Me?
Posted: 6/7/2016 6:52:46 PM

A guy should pick me over anyone else, because I am loyal, faithful, trusting, I won't cheat, I am honest, respectful, always there for them, care and love them, accept them for who they are.
...
You can always count on me. I will always be there to support, care, and love you. Making you laugh, cry, while being very loyal, honest, and accepting of you being who you are.


Bingo! Don't put it here, put that in your profile! You currently say nothing like that... a guy needs to know you're more than a concert companion - you're someone he'll want long-term.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Too ho hum?
Posted: 6/7/2016 12:35:21 PM
Your ad looks very good. Your description is clear, well-written, and not angry or defensive. You may want to consider adding an age range and/or the 75-mile notation for responses, since you're not looking for distance or age disparity. The only thing I'd consider adding is a full-height picture - it will give a good impression of your height and figure (guys ARE visual creatures), so potential suitors will have a better idea of what you look like. When all the pics are headshots, men tend to get the impression "if she's not proud of what's below her shoulders, I won't be either."

Best of luck!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Girl That Knows What She Wants Review Me?
Posted: 6/7/2016 12:15:56 PM
I'm way older, so I'm looking at this from a dad/uncle standpoint looking to help his daughter/niece find a good guy.

1 - Definitely kill off the long "interests" list. 10-12 maximum. The longer the list, the more a guy will feel you're flighty or unfocused.
2 - The portions of the text referring to your home life are probably better for when you actually agree to meet someone. But do leave the note that you don't drive, as that is important... a potential mate needs to understand you probably can't/won't travel much further than a bus will take you.
3 - One thing that's missing is why you're a good catch for someone. This is a sales ad - you want someone to "buy" you over what's in the next ad. You talk about what you like to do, but not why a guy should select you over someone else like you.
4 - The long list of music groups is unnecessary. Someone into the same type of music will know at least some of them, so just a brief note about the type with one or two examples is sufficient.
5 - The quick plug about your website comes off as defensive/defiant. That is also a subject for a phone call or in-person meeting, not the ad.

You have a decent foundation for a successful ad, but you need to edit it down a bit. Too much detail means less to talk about when you do meet - leave something to discuss in those opening conversations.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Should guys >45 wear spandex cycling jerseys and shorts?
Posted: 2/28/2010 4:57:14 PM
If you're in shape, you can get away with wearing "athletic clothing" as long as you want. (See Jack LaLanne.) It's when you're out of shape and trying to squeeze into those bike clothes that you look bad.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Just wondering....
Posted: 12/25/2009 2:56:03 PM
Wowza... I agree with the previous comments... this is a VERY negative profile... comes across as complaints rather than a dating profile. Your annoyance with the process definitely came through with what you have there now.

What you want to do in a profile is make a potential mate want to contact you. You need to mention what you like to do, some hobbies and interests, show your sense of humor, and "write with a smile". What you put forth should make a guy think, "Hey, she sounds really nice - I'd like to know more!" Always use that as a guideline if you want to know whether a phrase should stay or go.

I agree about the cat picture... even the biggest animal lovers in the world want to know about you - men aren't here to date your pets. Do add a casual/outdoor picture if you can - let us see the "casual you" as well as the "dressy you".

Good luck!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
General question - how to take a decent self portrait?
Posted: 12/23/2009 6:20:38 PM
Basic full-size tripods are pretty inexpensive... in the US, they're available for about $25, and Kodak's UK site shows them for about £20. I've had one for almost 9 years, and it comes in surprisingly handy - it's a very simple investment. All my profile pictures are taken with my camera on timer and a tripod.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 55 (view)
 
You aren't a knight, that is just feaking tin foil!
Posted: 12/19/2009 8:11:40 PM
Unfortunately, there are a lot of pretenders out there. They will tell you what you want to hear to get what they want from you - it could be money, shelter, networking (you know someone they need for advancement), or just the physical romance. It's the situations that you describe that flush them out, though. Family barbecue vs a big-wig party? The former should be a relaxed good time with people you know, the latter is usually an awkward "peacocking" affair where you're judged on how well you show off. If they'd rather spread their tail when you just want to toss on jeans and a t-shirt, they're not interested in being all they should be in a relationship.

I let people know up front I'm a "foil" kinda guy. My friends have no problem inviting me to their family get-togethers, and I enjoy going. There are two dozen children around the country who lovingly call me "Uncle" and I have no blood or marriage relation to them whatsoever. I find it far more fulfilling to be considered part of someone else's family than to spend an evening trying to impress the boss or the clients. I don't even own a suit or a tie. The whole "knight" thing - it's just not who I am or who I even pretend to be.

aaamm, if this has happened to you, send the guy packing. He misrepresented himself. He can't have just you and not all you come with. If he's not interested in being part of your entire life, he doesn't deserve just the portions he wants. Look for someone who recognizes that there's more to a serious relationship than just the one-on-one.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Role reversal
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:11:46 AM
It will probably depend on the "why" of it. Example... one of my uncles was always the breadwinner and my aunt did the housewife thing. He was injured in a car accident and was put on permanent disability. This forced my aunt back into the working world, and she was able to make a solid career for herself as an executive admin assistant at a large bank, while he stayed home and handled the 2 sons and the house. He didn't let it get him down, understanding his new limitations.

And for couples who mutually choose such an arrangement, it's probably not a big deal.

The situation where it can become a problem is when the man loses his job, can't find one, and because the woman isn't as skilled or advanced, can't match his former income - resulting in the entire household having to "downgrade". This can lead to depression, fighting, and breakup. If the man had that "head of the house" ego, then he probably does feel like less of a man (to himself).

It's really a case-by-case thing.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:21:29 AM

If this is the case, I find that silly. In high school, I had a friend I'd known since before kindergarten and once we got to high school, well I was often hanging out with alot of black girls. Yeah, we picked up each other's way of talking and sometimes we cracked racial jokes at each other; BUT I never took that into another group where I didn't know the people well! And this goes for any type of joke - some people don't like dirty jokes. Not many of us meet a new group and start spewing off the dirty jokes. Common sense and tact. I never once thought of my friends as animals so I'm not sure exactly who he could be hanging out with?! We all came from the same neighborhood!


wild heart, that's my point. This guy clearly doesn't have common sense or tact. Why else would he make blanket defamatory statements about various ethnic groups of men to the OP? People like him actually believe they're right, and they say stuff like he did under the guise of "honesty".
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Random compliments not a good thing?
Posted: 12/9/2009 8:03:44 PM
NotElvisJunior:

"Madam, I do truly apologize for misjudging you so. I truly regret my compliment, and was sorely mistake, because, as it turns out, you are in fact an incredibly offensive, unpleasant b!tch, whose inner ugliness mars any sort of external, superficial beauty you possess. Good day."

I would say this:
"I guess no one is simply nice to you very often... and now I see why. Good night."
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/9/2009 3:42:41 PM

I don't really know either way what he was going for. He say's , he has black friends and
plays basketball with his buddies, which are black too... That is what kept throwing me off personally... How can he call black men animals and then in the next breath say he has black friends??? It was too strange... I can't imagine him calling his buddies animals to their faces or to them... Maybe, he was trying to be funny...but he should have stopped, when he noticed the phone on the other end got really quiet....
Maybe, he forgot he was talking with a black woman or something.... who knows, It was wacko...


Lolamac, this statement clears a lot up - this is something I've seen before. This guy is hanging out with a group of blacks, and I'll bet he may be the only white around when they're together. Thus they accept him as "one of the group" and behave as if he was indeed black. They probably use language and tell stories they wouldn't if the group was more balanced ethnically. Unbeknownst to them, the guy you met is likely taking mental notes about the group and thinking that they indeed are behaving "like animals" based on what they say around him.

What this has done is reinforce the prejudices this guy has heard in his past, so he feels it's ok to discuss (with you) since he has seen it firsthand. He may also be assuming you feel similarly in that you note in your profile that Germans are a bonus - that may give him the impression that you would prefer a white over a black... and possibly for the same reasons.

Granted, that doesn't make him right, as he clearly is showing his ignorance and insensitivity. As others have said, you certainly can do better and should. But if you want to give this guy a "couple of nice parting gifts", tactfully tell him that his comments offended you, and he needs to understand that broad stereotyping based on a couple of things he may have seen or heard will get him nowhere fast.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Communication Skills
Posted: 12/8/2009 3:35:59 PM
yoyoyola, post 13:

I find it incredible that the people who rant about how others are needy and have low self esteem issues are the very ones who speak to other posters without any sensitivity or compassion. I'd love to see how their kids turn out.

Sensitivity and compassion on a message board? C'mon. We don't know each other and have little/no emotional investment here. That's the nature of the beast... someone will not respond to an internet post with the same tone as they would in person to their best friend of the last 20 years. As a result, what you DO get is far more honest than one of your friends who is trying not to hurt your feelings.

Landra2 has it right in post #2. Mature adults in a committed relationship should be comfortable enough with each other to speak freely. It's one of the first things the two people should accomplish. As soon as the "I'm mad/upset but I won't say why" starts, then the problems ensue. Mind reading and body-language interpretation were never subjects in elementary school... spelling and grammar were.

If you're uncomfortable fully and completely expressing yourself to your SigOther, then you're not in the right relationship.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Good reliable web hosting company ?????
Posted: 12/2/2009 1:29:23 PM
I switched to HostMonster in Sept 2008, and have no complaints. They've always been a top 10 company at http://www.top10hostinglist.com
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Feedback please?
Posted: 12/1/2009 9:31:46 PM

I don't hunt, fish,or ride motorcycles. Other than that, i'm game to almost anything that isn't illegal, immoral or life-threatening.
This line should probably go - it's a pretty negative statement, and the second part makes it sound like you've been contacted by a lot of Clydes looking for a Bonnie.

The rest of it is not too bad, although some of the wording is a little repetitive (two paragraphs start with what you're looking for). And don't be afraid to show off that sense of humor - inject some of that wit into the prose... for example, add a laugh/wink face to that very first line.

Good luck!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I Could Use Some Profile Help Please
Posted: 11/28/2009 7:22:09 PM
Men are visual creatures. We tend to look at "head shot only" and think A) we won't like what's below the neck or B) SHE doesn't like what's below the neck. A few more pictures, including a full height shot, are a must.

In your text, please delete that first sentence. If we all liked writing about ourselves, there'd be 300 million autobiographies out there. It's also a negative sentence, which should always be avoided when discussing yourself... see item B above. You want to show positive feelings and self-esteem.

A few things to add:
- why you like your job
- what gestures you appreciate from a partner
- little things that make you laugh/smile
- a subject that you're very passionate about
- something you haven't tried yet but would like to with someone special by your side

Not suggesting give your whole life story, but present enough forward-looking details to let a guy make an informed decision to contact you. Your messages should come from men who are already interested based on what they've seen in your profile - if they're asking basic questions to decide if they're interested, then you probably don't have enough there.

Good luck!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Microsoft Office Picture Manager: How do I get rid of it?
Posted: 11/28/2009 2:30:21 PM
If there's a specific program you wish to use to view images, just set the file associations to that program.

In XP:
1. Open Windows Explorer by right-clicking the Start button, and then click Explore.
2. Click a folder that contains a file of the type that you want Windows to open in a program that you select.
3. Right-click the file and, depending on the programs installed on your computer, complete one of the following steps:
* Click "Open With" to choose the program that you want.
* Point to "Open With", and then click "Choose Program" to choose the program that you want.
4. The "Open With" dialog box is displayed. Use one of the following methods to select the program that you want to use for this file type:
* In the Programs list, click the program that you want to use.
* Click "Browse", locate and then click the program that you want to use, and then click "Open".
* Click "Look for the appropriate program on the Web" to browse the Internet for the program that you want to use.
5. Click to select the "Always use the selected program to open this kind of file" check box if it is not selected.
6. Click OK
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Men over 45 who dye their hair
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:54:54 PM
I'm not dying my hair mainly because of my mom. She's 70 and has a full head of silver hair that looks terrific. I won't have the full head of it, but I'll take the silver over the dyes/gels/liquids/creams every day of the week.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Nero 9 Lite For Free.
Posted: 11/10/2009 1:52:13 PM
I gave up on Roxio and Nero a couple of years ago.... they get more bloated with each new version (I have software for photo editing and mp3s, I don't need it in my burn software - and I am not "burning" my vinyl 33s and 45s anytime soon).

I stumbled on CDBurnerXP a couple of years ago, and it does all you could want from burning software - burns everything from CDs to BRs, makes flawless ISO discs (I used it to make my Win7 beta and RC installation discs) - and yep, it's 100% free.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Tech Support Firm Recommends to Wait with Windows 7 Upgrade.
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:48:31 PM
Been running Win7 Beta and RC on a machine that met the bare minimums... AMD Athlon 64 X2 3800, 1.5GB of PC3200 RAM, on board audio and video. Neither the hardware nor the OS have flinched all year. In fact, some software runs better on the Win7 machine than on the XP machine (Athlon-64 X2 5200, 2GB of PC2-5300, on board video, separate 7.1 audio card).

As for software, I am running as much on the Win7 RC as I can match up with the XP. If there wasn't a Win7-approved version or it wasn't Windows-universal, running the installation file in compatibility mode for Vista took care of it.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:14:19 AM
In the teens and twenties, people are still essentially Play-doh... they are still experiencing things that will mold/shape the way they behave as adults.

In the thirties, the clay has stiffened a bit but can still have the general shape refined. We've generally become who we'll be, but are still willing to respond and adjust to other ideas.

But for the most part, once you clear your 40s, the clay is pretty hard, and there's not going to be too much change, save for a serious incident. We have become the "round holes" and the square pegs that come along make look nice, but it's up to us to admit - to ourselves and the others - that the square peg won't fit.

There's no excuse for "accidental misrepresentation" on POF. Yes, some of the data you enter must be edited within a short time frame or it becomes permanent, but anyone can easily edit their text to say "sorry, I missed the edit window regarding X, and I'm really Q." If someone's profile seems vague or overly general, then one should politely inquire for specifics before making a decision... there's a very polite way to do that - "Hi! I was reading your profile and was wondering if you could answer a question I have..." - anyone with some semblance of civility will answer such an inquiry just as politely.

If their answer shows the shoe won't fit, then you thank them for their time and move on. If their answer continues to exhibit generalities and misdirection, then you definitely move on.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How many of you have DISABLED Microsoft Updates?
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:01:47 PM
I have never allowed automatic updates. I check for them manually once a week with my regular maintenance routine, and on Update Tuesday. I select what I want and install them.

In fact, the only auto-update I have activated is my AVG anti-virus because it's completely non-disruptive. Every other auto-update is disabled on both my WinXP SP3 and Win7 RC machines.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Too much baggage to start a new relationship ???
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:05:28 PM

You TELL Me how a grown man is supposed to live on $1000 a month ???

Rent
food
vehicle maintenance
gas
utilities

What's left ? Oh wait........nothing !!

Im not making excuses for him. I"m not an idiot. I can see his quandry

Simple answer: Get More Jobs.

I have had a second job for over 10 years. If I found myself in a situation where I needed even more income, Walmart and Home Depot are just 10 minutes away - damn right I'll stock shelves at 6 am! "Woe is me" doesn't get the bills paid if you're that far behind... getting off your butt and working 16 hours a day, 7 days a week does, if that's what it takes.

This guy needs to look himself in the mirror and get his act together - either alone or with the help of some counseling. He's got children all over, so he's clearly not responsible with sex. If he's that damaged from past relationships, he should have sought help a while ago. Having your employer go under is not an excuse for money problems... I worked for the same company for 19 years - my primary job - they went under in April of 2008 with just 10 days' notice; I had a new job making the same money in 1 week. And if that job hadn't come along, I'd be working 3-4 places if that's what it took. You say this is the kind of guy who will "do the right thing"... well, the "right thing" is to dig out of the hole he's in, THEN he can think about dating.

Cyn, your thought process is clearly clouded by the fact that you're in love with him. He can do no wrong in your eyes. You come up with a reason for every time you feel hurt and confused (which apparently is more often than anyone should put up with). You don't like most of the responses you've gotten here, but happily point out anyone who agrees with you. This man has not demonstrated that he can be a stable person capable of a strong relationship... you only HOPE he can. These are the clearest signs of someone who has chosen heart over head, and simply dismiss the possibility they made a poor decision.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Too much baggage to start a new relationship ???
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:47:51 AM

The next day I called him, no answer. I texted him, no response. Then at 7 pm he calls me and says and I quote, "we're not dating, we never were. We were just hanging out" Dont contact me again. Bye

Abrupt endings like this are usually the only clue I need to consider them gone... especially when they come up with an excuse for why "there never was" a relationship.

His mistake was leading you on prior to this point. Your mistake was taking him back after this point - especially getting back in bed. As soon as you recognized feeling hurt and confused a second time, he needed to be shown the door.


He lives 2 hours away.

That's definitely more in the area of F-Buddy distance than relationship distance. It's far enough to be an excuse if he doesn't want to show up ("I'm too tired to drive 4 hours total") and will keep you from making a spontaneous/surprise visit as well. You also didn't mention ever making the trip to his place for one of these scheduled get-togethers, which means he was holding the cards.

If this guy really has all the issues he claims, then he should make himself a hands-off zone and get his life in order before he tries to share it with anyone else. One doesn't have to dispose of all their baggage, but it should be lined up neatly in the closet.
 roadtrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Should I Prefer Daisies?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:03:09 PM
Photographically, you are outnumbered by your pets, and the one picture of you is an extended head shot. My usual advice applies here: would you be interested in a car if the only picture you saw was of the grille? That's not an anti-pet or anti-dog comment, but the purpose of your profile is you're looking for someone to be interested in you.

There's also a bit of negativity in the text... the classic "if you're (this), I'm not for you". It comes across better if you simply point out your preferences instead of detailing the undesirables... it makes a more positive impression.

Otherwise, you're on a good path!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Meeting in real life
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:00:58 PM
I LOVE being asked out by women... even if it's just to lunch with no expectations.

OP, since you see this guy at the gym, the best way to strike up a conversation is to use your surroundings as the icebreaker. Say something like "I'm using this equipment on this setting - should I turn it up a notch?" That will get him talking and will probably ease the pressure both of you may be feeling.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Talking Dirty, Finances and Dating
Posted: 5/31/2009 3:50:53 PM
Unfortunately, finances do matter, although the relative cost of living in any given area does come into play. Someone in a major metro area making $80K is just getting by; that same salary in West Nowhere could have them living quite well. I'm not looking for a millionaire, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable with someone who can't keep up with the monthly necessities, like keeping the electricity on.

And because of the circumstances involved (and the resulting connectivity to finances), I also find someone's health important. Back in February, my cousin died of a massive heart attack just three weeks after his 40th birthday. There was a history (his father died the same way in 1996), and he was being treated for heart risks, but it was still unexpected, even to his cardiologist. His younger brother is also at risk, but because he's a free-lancer, has no health insurance whatsoever - if he gets a similar diagnosis, he's finished financially. I'm not saying it's a failing criteria for a partner; I dated a gal who had leukemia (under control). And I certainly wouldn't kick a partner to the curb if she developed a chronic condition after we were together. But if they're indifferent about their health and health care, that could become a financial crisis too... and it says something about their priorities.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Review me?
Posted: 5/31/2009 3:26:50 PM
The two pictures you have posted are a little non-descript. They're taken at unusual angles and you don't get a clear look at your face. Think about what position someone would have to be to see you from that angle - crouched and with their head tilted - a little strange, right? You should always have one full-height body shot, too.

The text is a little choppy. Break common thoughts into separate paragraphs - musical interests in one, lifestyle in another, and so forth. You also probably want to expand a little on what you're looking for... "cuddling and reflecting on life" is a little vague and is limited in how often you can do it. What are some of the things you hope to do together? Are you looking for another musician, or someone completely opposite?

Otherwise, I think you're on the right track - good luck!
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Windows7 Rc, have you got yours?
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:49:08 AM
I ran the 32-bit beta from January, and now run the 64-bit RC. My backup PC is below minimum standard (low grade on-board video and only 1.5GB of PC3200 RAM), but it's running just fine. I installed as much of my old software as possible (some required Vista compatibility mode, as they could not figure out what OS I was using), and I've only run into very minor glitches - most of which are the software' issue (when 3 programs can open mpgs with no sweat but the 4th can't, that's not Win7's fault). Only security/permissions issue I've encountered is my Atomic Clock program isn't allowed to update the system clock... yet. I'll work on that when I have time.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Best Free Applications/Software???
Posted: 5/14/2009 5:20:17 PM
Two of my favorites right now:

CDBurnerXP - completely free burning software, burns everything from CD-R to Blu-Ray, makes excellent ISOs, and doesn't bloat your puter with all the stuff Roxio and Nero have been adding lately

FLVPlayer4Free - great movie viewer, not only handles FLV files, but WMV, MPG, AVI, and MP4. Makes decent screen-caps too.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
If we could Rewind?
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:32:32 PM
November 1985... my junior year of college.

A 12-ounce bag of nacho cheese Doritos and a slightly-warm 2-liter bottle of birch beer... essentially consumed in one sitting. That set off a 4 month chain of health events that I'm still paying for in 2009. It didn't cause the health issue, but certainly kicked it to redline at a time when I could have taken care of it while it was still very mild and sporadic. It actually knocked me out of college, and I'm sure I would have been on a very different path of life than what actually came to pass.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Am I old fashion or are guys better looking in jeans and a tee?
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:30:23 PM
Sapphireeyes, post 19:
It is funny but my favorite thing to wear is jeans, but so many men want to wear dress slacks to meet you...I would prefer them in jeans but they say it is a sign of respect when they dress up...unfortunately they resemble my father when they show up with the dress pants and a button up shirt ...normally some sort of plaid or stripe....

It's partially out of respect that a guy will attempt to dress a little better on a first meeting - the real answer to that is, women will badmouth the guy to all her friends for the next 6 months about how much of a lazy slob he was to just wear jeans on a first date, even if they were appropriate (amusement park, outdoor activity, etc.).

I'm lucky in the fact that I work from home and thus wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. Since I'm in a chair at a desk, they have to be comfortable, so I make sure they fit properly. There's no point in wearing clothes I constantly have to adjust. And since weight does fluctuate occasionally, I also don't toss the jeans that might be too snug in the waist this year, or too loose next year - I may need them again. I keep about three sets of them in three general waist sizes depending on how much I'm weighing at the time... and I have at least 4 general shades (light blue, medium blue, dark blue, and black). This way, I know I have a good fitting pair of jeans to wear in public should the need arise that will go with any shirt or occasion. Heck, I went to my 25th high school reunion (2007) in a navy blazer, a white dress shirt, and some light blue Levi's 505s. All my old friends said I looked great. I don't even own a tie, let alone a suit... and the dressiest pants I have are Dockers-type casual slacks - so I know most of the time, my first impression on someone will indeed be in jeans, so they better look and fit properly.

And once they're too worn down to be presentable, they become the jeans for cleaning house or working on my truck.

They work for me.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Why would someone say they want to be friends?
Posted: 2/22/2009 7:16:04 AM

I'm friends with all but 2 of my ex's. Now we aren't best friends but I do know that if I see them in public, we chat briefly and if I ever needed help, they would help me.

I'm friends with more than a few women I've been involved with from girlfriend to friends with benefits because I like them as people and there's no reason to throw them out when the romantic (or physical stuff) stops.
I'm with loft222, FormulaG, and Helen1967. I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriends... why? Because not liking each other was never the reason the romance ended. Maybe that's because I'm not a "one-and-done" or a serial dater. The "date" won't happen until after we have connected on several fronts, so she will be someone I'd be interested in talking to anyway. So for me, friendship is not an "alternative relationship" to dating someone; it was there in the first place.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
who should do the calling?
Posted: 2/17/2009 10:32:06 AM
I find it amazing that people are sophisticated and tech-savvy enough to want to meet via internet dating/meeting sites, then somehow revert to the days of "Leave It To Beaver" as far as calling each other.

You can't say that relationships should be equal - except for telephoning each other. If I want to talk to her, I will dial her number... but I would also expect her to call me when she wants to speak to me. Sitting around waiting for the phone to ring is not the sign of maturity and confidence I would expect from someone I was involved with.

If I find myself making a severe majority of the phone calls, I will "call" her on it.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 5:01:56 PM

I really do appreciate the time you all took to further explain your situations.

And your perspective is appreciated as well.

And racism does occur internally, meaning from within the same group. I've been called an "Oreo" plenty of times by other blacks.

One of the points I had hoped to make from my initial post - in referencing my thoroughly integrated school classmates, the 6 year old at the same location as the elderly woman, and my godson drawing the picture of me - is that children generally don't "see" race. It's usually something they will be taught by an adult or a peer who learned it from an adult. So until that generational thought process is stopped, racism will continue.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:58:05 PM

Unless you know for a fact by speaking to her, that it wasn't because she was elderly and you were a young, strong man, but in fact because you were black, then yes, it's still an assumption. There are too many possible reasons for that having took place to assume it was because you're black.


We were the only two people on the sidewalk at the time. This was not Broadway we were on, but a quiet suburban street in a residential neighborhood near the college campus.


Where did I ever imply any of the above? // Please show me where I did this.


From your earlier statement:


It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt.


That is your assumption based on what you have read. You are assuming that I was assuming. "It sounds to me" implies your opinion. I could take up a lot of bandwidth explaining the details of what I initially posted, but there's no reason to do so.

Your life experiences are such that you haven't seen the behavior that some of us are referencing, and that's fine. But to suggest that other people's experiences and conclusions are "assumptions" because of your interpretation is shortsighted. As I noted, I was lucky enough to grow up in a town where background was a non-issue - but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced racism elsewhere, and thus don't recognize it.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 1:50:23 PM
Only1DayWalker:

Some things are just human nature, and I wouldn't assume that she crossed the street because you were black, unless you were able to speak to her.

This was not a bad neighborhood (quite the opposite), and I was going to an expensive university. The fact that she looked at me, crossed the street, went ONE BLOCK, and crossed back to continue walking where I had been, is not "an assumption" - and her actions were sufficient for any reasonable person to make the same conclusion.


It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt.

If your client had been black, would you have drawn the same conclusions? How about if she was hispanic?

I haven't taken issue with anyone. I am reporting my observations and making very reasonable conclusions based on actions. I didn't go into all the details of conversations that transpired between myself and that client before and after we met in person, but there was a MAJOR change in her tone after meeting me. Where did I say ALL of my white clients are like this? Where did I say EVERY elderly white woman avoided me on the sidewalk? For that one woman who did, I can say with pride that 20 others have asked me to help them cross a busy street or reach a high-shelf item in a store.

The assumption being made is YOURS, as you imply I am against many people because of the actions of a handful.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/9/2009 8:50:01 PM
I was lucky enough to grow up in a thoroughly integrated town. We kids didn't care what color/race/nationality/religion/gender you were... and our high school reunions have reflected that attitude decades later - we're all genuinely happy to see our old friends again.

The most important lesson I learned about racism came in college. After my freshman year, I had a small apartment and walked to the campus every day. On my way, I passed an all-girls academy, grades K-8. One morning, I was walking to the college campus, and had just passed the academy. An adorable little girl (white), couldn't have been more than 6 years old, was walking towards me on the sidewalk in her school uniform with her book bag. As she approached me, she flashed a huge smile, said a bright bubbly "Hi!", and kept walking. I was so surprised, all I could think to do was smile and wave. On that very same block not that much later, I watched in dismay as an elderly white woman chose to cross the street, walk one block on the opposite side of the street, then crossed back so she wouldn't have to walk past me on the same sidewalk. Taught me all I needed to know.

My 4 godchildren are white (three brothers and a sister). When he was about 7, the second oldest had a school assignment to draw someone he admired. The teacher noted he drew a man with a lot of brown crayon. Inquiring who the person was, he promptly replied "My uncle!" (This is how the children were introduced to me.) The teacher actually called their mother after school, concerned over this situation and wondering how a white boy could think he had a black uncle. Their mother promptly began laughing, but explained who I was in relation to the children.

While I have not been turned down in the manner the OP was, I have certainly had my share of "I don't date your type" replies in other settings... one of which was when I was simply talking with a woman in a chat room - said nothing about ever meeting, let alone dating - but apparently upon seeing my profile picture, she felt the need to send an email noting I was not her type. (Ooooookay...) At my previous job, one client who had only dealt with me over the phone, took a liking to me so much that she said she was considering introducing me to her daughter because I seemed like such a great guy. Our companies then had an in-person conference, and upon seeing I had a "year-round tan", never mentioned her daughter again.

Personally, I wouldn't be here without interracial relationships (we have traced the Native American and Dutch lines in our family back to the mid 1800s) or teen pregnancies (my paternal grandmother conceived all her children before she was 20). So I have never had an issue with either. Race has never been a concern of mine - I have been attracted to women of all ethnicities, just as I have been unattracted to women of all ethnicities. It's the individual that matters, not their categorization.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Would you break it off with someone you like?
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:20:35 PM
I can't/won't force anyone to like me. As a result, I will move on when they don't.

If I'm not doing cartwheels in my head over her, I shouldn't waste her time or emotions either.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:06:55 PM
As a never-married guy, I have to say I wouldn't decide based on previous marital status.

I have met women who finally gained some maturity and independence after their divorce. They're more than ready to love someone, but also recognize that they don't have to put up with the crap any more.

I have met never-married women who are seemingly clueless to what a solid relationship involves. They're all but living the lyrics of those 60s songs like "I Will Follow Him" or "Johnny Angel"... I had a co-worker some years back who thought her bf was the man of all men despite the fact he more than occasionally treated her like something he stepped in on the sidewalk - that would result in a loud screaming match, but the next day, who was dropping her off at work?

Even with the expansion of the fish pond (thanks to the internet), the odds of finding one's ideal/dream mate are still really low. The ability to accept and compromise are just as important to a successful relationship as sticking to your standards and beliefs.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Windows 7 to come in 6 editions
Posted: 2/6/2009 10:22:16 PM
Been running the Win 7 Ultimate 32-bit beta for a while on my backup computer... remarkably stable for a beta. Found all my hardware right away, and so far, all of my software that I added is working. When the next beta comes out this summer, I'll try the 64-bit (the processor is an Athlon 64 X2 so no worries there).

In release, I would definitely use Win 7 Pro instead of Ultimate... I'm considering a dual OS though... Linux/Win 7 combo, because I have some apps that have no Linux version. But I'll worry about that in 2010.
 
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