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 Author Thread: need constructive criticism
 BerserkLegend
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
need constructive criticism
Posted: 10/18/2011 9:44:51 PM
Dude! Look at my profile! Idk how I found you call it a twist of fate w/e. Any girls wanting to give it a thought are welcome too as that's what I want is girls. Preferably not egotistical.
 BerserkLegend
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The most Romantic poem
Posted: 10/18/2011 10:29:51 AM
Do you remember me, I'm just a shadow now
This is where I used to be
Right here beside you
Sometimes I call your name
High on a summer's breeze
What I would give
To feel the sunlight upon my face
What I would give
To be lost in your embrace
I'm fallin from a distant star
Come back compelled because of love
I'm caught between two distant worlds
I long for one more night on earth
Do you believe in dreams
That's how I found you
But I can't be revealed
Till you take a leap of faith
What I would give
To feel the sunlight on my face
What I would give
To be lost in your embrace
I'm fallin from a distant star
Come back compelled because of love
I'm caught between two distant worlds
I'm fallin from a distant star
Come back compelled because of love
I'm caught between two distant worlds
I long for one more night on earth

That comes from me who is basicly a nobody. you saying I got more potential than guys that made it into legacy? o.o
 BerserkLegend
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 149 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:25:28 AM
Do you remember me, I'm just a shadow now
This is where I used to be
Right here beside you
Sometimes I call your name
High on a summer's breeze
What I would give
To feel the sunlight upon my face
What I would give
To be lost in your embrace
I'm fallin from a distant star
Come back compelled because of love
I'm caught between two distant worlds
I long for one more night on earth
Do you believe in dreams
That's how I found you
But I can't be revealed
Till you take a leap of faith
What I would give
To feel the sunlight on my face
What I would give
To be lost in your embrace
I'm fallin from a distant star
Come back compelled because of love
I'm caught between two distant worlds
I'm fallin from a distant star
Come back compelled because of love
I'm caught between two distant worlds
I long for one more night on earth
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 148 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 7/1/2011 11:33:32 PM
I know you can't help the way I feel
It's like everyday I go without knowing
I see you right there by my side
And I don't know what to feel inside
I feel like a shooting star
Falling like everywhere goes
I wish I could be close to you
Feeling your heart
So close to mine everytime
But what if it doesn't turn around
And if I fall idk what I'll do
Just baby to be this close to you
And I do not know what to say
What if stars had eyes to take my breath away
Becareful till the spring
If you know what I mean
I wish I could be close to you
Never meant to feel this way
Feel you everytime
But the sky won't tell me what to do
I want to be close to you
And for you to feel the way I do....
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 147 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 3/4/2011 12:43:11 AM
Deep crimson velvet leaves ruffled at the shifting of feet of wolves. If all that mattered was staying alive.... than today that day must count for something. Quickly he lit a fire hundreds of them. This would keep the wolves at bay from the gnarling of tender flesh against the grain of snow. Blood flows like a river when bit by a wolf. With quickly fastened hands he stacked pyres of wood from his rifle stocks like a cage around himself. They were getting closer and he could hear the shrill of the wolves dead beat hearts focusing around him. In his silence he had forgotten one thing. Hell hounds do not fear fire! With a rush of a gust of wind the hell hounds ripped apart his fortress and tore the man limb from limb leaving only a skull as proof that he once had a soul.

Moral of the story: If you're gonna build a palace don't burn down your security
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 193 (view)
 
stepping stones in the ocean . . .
Posted: 12/24/2010 10:13:03 PM
It's quiet cause VisualDistortion isn't here to raise hell for ya :P

Anyway knew you when I was lberserkerl, Eyes

Woke up the other day
And I can't express the way I feel
So I decided to post this to let you know I feel
If love can't take us up and show us everything
Then let me know if you feel the same
...Every once in awhile I think of your smiling face
My heart's over-run with emotions I just can't face
So if you can't show me just what it is to live
I'll give you my heart my soul and anything mine is yours to give
So if priceless antiques or gold from afar won't win your heart
I give you these words and hope it's a start
Of things to come and things that'll be
Maybe then you'll know why I do things the way I do for me
If love has wings I hope you fly above the stars
I only know I can't give you things that come to pass by far
But if you can only know I'd give it all for you
Then baby you'd know I can't help the way I feel
Then you'll know my love is real
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 146 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 12/24/2010 10:08:39 PM
ty Revs it's amazing how one woman can stay on your mind while the rest pass by like dust on the folded leaves :(

Woke up the other day
And I can't express the way I feel
So I decided to post this to let you know I feel
If love can't take us up and show us everything
Then let me know if you feel the same
...Every once in awhile I think of your smiling face
My heart's over-run with emotions I just can't face
So if you can't show me just what it is to live
I'll give you my heart my soul and anything mine is yours to give
So if priceless antiques or gold from afar won't win your heart
I give you these words and hope it's a start
Of things to come and things that'll be
Maybe then you'll know why I do things the way I do for me
If love has wings I hope you fly above the stars
I only know I can't give you things that come to pass by far
But if you can only know I'd give it all for you
Then baby you'd know I can't help the way I feel
Then you'll know my love is real
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 144 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 12/12/2010 9:05:05 AM
As I lay dying you open up the doors of flame
When you soar above the skies you'll never know my name
And if you seek to find mr. right look at me no further
You'll never find the king you deserve the worse
I wake up everyday it's all the same
Why
Why do you keep pressuring me to take your hand
Can't you see I'm the one to blame
Can't you see in this all this hell I'm the one and we're all the same
And in the sky there's no escaping from the times I've played
You're like the only prescription for a drug I always need
And if you can't see I do it all for you
Then maybe you can never see my point of view
I wake up everyday it's all the same
Why
Why do you keep pressuring me to take your hand
Can't you see I'm the one to blame
Can't you see in all this hell I'm the one and we're all the same
And you're doing this to me
You're doing this to me
And I can't let you go
I can't let you go

(C) Brandon Lee Murphy
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 225 (view)
 
i long for the moment...i hope he understands why
Posted: 12/3/2010 9:03:34 PM
Never I asked of you but never I gave
These trials these sins I long to hold you this I take to my grave
Now that I'm coming home I may not be all you wish to be
I need your arms to welcome me but these stones of road I may not wish to see
Each of us walking upon a stick on the ladder walking the rope till we fall
I cannot catch you if you don't save me first just give my name a call
If we all are bound to be damned let my mark of the beast be your name
Is this boundless poetry to me it seems pretty lame
But for those who listen those of us with ears
It reflects the times we've all faced behind shadows on the wall for ears
So if you walk this journey of this through life
I think he understands and is meant to make you his wife
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 141 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 10/9/2010 10:43:33 AM
not getting older just more beautiful :D and I got a tad chunky :P
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 139 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 10/1/2010 11:44:00 AM
Atleast if I give up on one there's a chance at finding love again
Why is it I must endure a life ashame meadlessly frosting words hoping somone finds me as talented as I should be
Maybe life should go on for eternity
So I can finally figure out who everyone wants me to be
Maybe if I found one person out of a million I would treasure her forever
Vast knowledge
Ancients sects
Of vast pillars
Built in honor of her
Yet if all the fortune of the world can't buy love
I'll settle for a few honest words from my lips to her ears
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 1380 (view)
 
~lost in thought or flight of fancy~
Posted: 8/5/2010 10:23:29 PM
Rose I know you've been eagerly patiently awaiting to buy my book it's just it's taking me forever to type it up from notebook. Basically I've been trying to offer $50,000 real us cash to friends to type it up and they're too busy? That's aLOT of money for thier position and idk I just go with the flow and spend my time elsewhere than on my work. I need to buckle down but I promise results and it'll be worth the wait ;)

Deep sleeping ambrosiantic rose
Sleeping in the valley
Rise from your stem
Soak in your beauty pores
Accept the world will never be as beautiful as you and your core
And branch out and help someone rise when they're down
And always smile
Keep smiling
For the world is never a cruel fate with love near
So spread your petals of kindness
And love like no other
So that the world returns the favor one soul at a time
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 571 (view)
 
Infinite Memories
Posted: 6/17/2010 12:36:50 PM
Sorry but I read your profile you got my vote :D even though your name may be important to me ;P
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 569 (view)
 
Infinite Memories
Posted: 6/17/2010 12:25:30 PM
When we stand behind the ideas of our forefathers
The idea of freedom, redemption and legacy
Why did we listen to a man that used to do blow
Or elect a man who doesn't know wtf he's doing
When we learnt to points guns
While they drifted thier hands to their gods the suns
and as we finally accepted thier way of life
We sometimes married took on a husband or wife
Each day rotting between the battlefield of the gods
Are we merely just forgiving souls
We'd rather hurt ourselves than others
What if the land devided and the civil war started up over love
Helen of Newyork and Paris of Louisiana
Would we not fight a loosing battle
Just for someone else to be free?
And as each day follows behind a trail of birds picking up crumbs
We meagerly forget for awhile to give food upon the slums
We created in the midst of our hate
Our love of blood
Brother to brother
Tonight I lay down my life for you
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 138 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 6/17/2010 11:43:58 AM
Deep sheltered heart
Why do you always fall apart
If love is so bliss
Why'm I putting up with this
Each day I cry upon sunken shoulders
No harm wasting away in the mould
Each one has a soulmate
Yet divorce is so cliche between lover mates
As the sky turns and pours rain
Is god crying or has the old **stard gone insane
Why do people love without trust
For there is no empieness of emotion with a must
Need
To the souls feed
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 137 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 3/18/2010 11:36:20 AM
Each glimmering hope
A sunshine reflects the day
No tender moments
Without a partaking of trust
Do you trust me
Fall into me
Let me guide you back
The sky is calling
Open your heart
Empty your smile upon precious face
Let me know just once you're happy
If love can conquer a demon
Can you cleanse my soul of worry
A hagrid man I stumble upon thee princess
A lonely sailor upon midnight midst
Across an ocean I stumbled baffled for air
Across the path of the windwaker I stumbled baffled for a drink
All to much for a man alone to think
Let me rest
Eyes to eyes
Nose to nose
Let all worries nourish
Let this time rewind
Till you're finally bliss
Within the shadows of epcorny
As life begins with a single drop
I won't let my hate out
I'll cover it in my heart
Where I should never part
Last remaining words
Left to impart hope
Give yourself a chance don't give in to desire
You deserve more
Wait
It'll come around
Just one more moment in eachother's arms as the pedastool of the piano plays
Just one single emotion let all music pour out hope in sky
Let all evil perish as shall I
I have played my sin for not showing you
How to live
How to give
How to recieve God's true gift
Human embracement
You're powerfuler than you can ever know
You're just too ashamed to proud to show
How much you can give to eachother
So you walk the journey's fate
Upon a cross till it's open late
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 136 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 3/18/2010 11:25:39 AM
Grim claspse shadowy edge
I walk upon the gates of eternal lost
Crisp to the Reaper's woes
I strike out against the larger foes
A man who cares not if he dies
A man who could care less if his soul split to a million deminsions
After all
What have I to fear?
Your yells to bring me back to sanity?
Or your b.itching that I deserve life?
Alas I think I'll just take the world as it is
As myself
This world is already worse than all these thoughts
So who's to blame
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 135 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 3/18/2010 11:21:31 AM
Dwindling darkness
Naked to the candle's wax
Feeling immortal
To die today as a marque
Atleast my name would live forever
To die a cobbler
You're just a footstand to the peddling meager gods
Open up a casket of knowledge
Forget the serpent's promise
Find your own knowledge
From a sacred apple
Call me a sinner
I'll rip out your rib
Now you're just another p.ussy
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 134 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 2/26/2010 5:41:44 PM
Seek me out in the euphrasia
Across a silken road laid out with diamonds glistening pearls on the rocky outcrop
Do you still love me or am I afraid to let you go
You're always out there smiling under a sunset blue
Skies in abundance welcoming the presence of a life gone by silken by tears
Of course we're together I told her
But when does the sky end in one's eye
At first glance it never does
But when love fades like a memory that's bound to fail
One must remember to wipe their eyes and welcome the balance of the fall
And when I awoke from my dream of another
There the true one waited
Like an opening of a jar of molases opening the heart strengthening the cord
Watching the weather of broken hearts and unjust deeds
She never blamed me as I fell apart in her arms
Opening the new balance of faith
Just to remember one person in your whole life
Who would it be
A fragrant emotion of kindlement
Or the one who took your breath away
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Insanity and Depravity - post em!
Posted: 2/12/2010 9:29:55 PM
yes i read your profile :P jk lol

Weeping away at an old flesh wound
Inflicted madness at the though of you
Cursing screaming in the corner
I'm so beautiful yet so hideous so confused
Running through the tunnels of my mind
Escape just to end up in hell
You won't forget me
Scatter all the pieces of my soul
My puzzle will remain the same
Drop a pebble into my soul
It doesn't fit the space of my confusion
Thus never alone and deprived of air
I struggle to cut the cord
Hopeless I fall flat on the floor
Becoming a shell for other's amusement
Becoming nothing
No matter how beautiful I truly am
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Insanity and Depravity - post em!
Posted: 2/12/2010 9:22:56 PM
Believe it or not I usually write love poems picasso ;) but is this not about deep dark twisted inventions of past scars? :P
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 133 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 2/12/2010 7:48:57 AM
I looked back at the clock
tick tock tick tock
and all around the chasmic void hit my soul like a rough wall against a fine blade
sharpening grinding as they descended down my stairwell
thus alone in abandonment
I'm empty dead is my home
shrubs of life poured out with no tommorow of a new pine
sap
boiled in embundance
thus alone and afraid I never grow
cold of the heat
burning up in the frost
I'm lost and afraid and no one can find me
a riddle for time
what am I
I'm you
when you abandoned me....
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Insanity and Depravity - post em!
Posted: 2/12/2010 7:35:45 AM
walls
does anybody hear my screams in my head even if i do not shout
do you see the pain in my eyes
do you wish you could walk down that path atleast once to know how f.ucked up inside you gotta be to hate yourself over someone else's comments
all around me is a garden
a garden of slaughter
roses trimmed black corpsed blood painted crimson scars across my head
Like Jesus I sometime wear a crown of thorns and nail myself upon a f.uck stick for my own amusement
is this just a game to you
to see how much I bleed before I bleed all of you
if I could have one wish it'd be for you to feel my pain for eternity in hell
your bismer sorrow
are you sorry now
I left you all alone
while you left me in tears of rage hoping I could kill you one day
alas
just is the cause
I'm a better person no matter how wretched I've become
you immoral maggot taste the stench of death you've caused upon my decaying corpse
in school you thought you were unstopable
Are you keeping up with your payment
how's your wife
sleeping around on you
or are you cheating or beating on her too
it matters not
in the course of wind
i'll find you again
end your suffering with a shattered soul
thus you never existed in my life
nor I in yours....
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 324 (view)
 
Paren-tales
Posted: 2/12/2010 1:46:40 AM
Well Tonya he is a sure genius for sure. Don't forget even Eighnstien was diagnosed with major depression and was considered a lunatic in his days for example. Now we look at him as the brightest minds ever! Point is it's stressful living everyday no respect and no chance to prove how smart your son can truly be and everyone just wants to make money off a cause of how to satisfy their own needs. Those who don't know I am diagnosed with schizophrenia paranoia no one could help me till I helped myself then everything just clicked. I've been through so much stress I could feel my hands gripping my heart from the pain that stigmitized from there. So much stress on my head that I felt my brain on fire at times. And sometimes so much stress in my chest I had to go to the ER cause it felt I was having a heart attack. Luckily just stress. But so much pain and frustration it brought forth of suicide and murder I didn't want to live I just wanted to go out the hard way. Joined the Corps for a day regardless of my condition to kill or be killed. That's when they shipped me away back home after finding phychotrophic drugs in my system. Basically it made me more bitter more depressed and I tried constantly to slit my throat. I needed help!

It wasn't until I found strength through poetry I found such beauty in myself and others I found on Plenty of Fish for example. Thank you all for all you've done and I can never repay your generosity. Truely thank you Tonya for taking me under your wing and sharing my story with you and now others can see my frustrations I endured. I only hope I can save another life out there.

Once more Tonya in 8th grade I scored a 14 on the ACT in 8th grade! :) Sometimes it takes a brilliant mind to endure the strengh the weak minded can't handle. Again thank you I only hope to make everyone happy that I can. thank you.
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 279 (view)
 
Haiku Connection CONTINUED - Post here !
Posted: 2/4/2010 6:57:13 PM
with every step
watch out for that cornerstone
it is slippery
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 3563 (view)
 
The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:26:41 PM
Twivering words crossed the man's lips close to midnight
If the angels fall why no skies of clouds to catch them
If the moon shines why cross beams with the eclipse
Sun and moon combined yet all's in disaray if you stare at both at the same time
Eternal spotlight of the non seeing eye
Yet all you see is light in the first place
The very essence you stared at to lose your sanity
Now wavering at the tip of your nose
Your guide dog sees in black and white
Shame we all place so much value on colors
The color of money
The color of skin
The color of flags
The true color of your god's ideals
Yet at the end
We see one color
The same we see right now
Hope in the bright lights
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 320 (view)
 
Paren-tales
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:07:48 PM
I did everything to get in trouble and the worst I recieved was banned from the bus and it was a pretty aggressive decision of mine to urinate in a glove and fling it at a wanna be gangster who thought he was the s.hit. Turned out he was the s... wait he was just p.issed off but all he called me was a phycho :P.

But it got me thinking how many chances I recieved to turn my life around and these pricks at a school board get more prickish by the second at the good kids. Hang in there momma. Your other son, Brand

better to be pissed off then pissed on? Or both haha

With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping
The moment calls can she hear me
Can she hear me
If I calls her name
Would she know me
Would she feel my shame
Your tears don't fall
They crash around you
The sound may cause
But the memories deny you
Your tears don't fall
They crash around you
Everyday
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
fragile
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:50:33 PM
Kitten as most know I'm almost done with my first part of my first book Final Dream but it's going to be published soon when I find out how. If you want a critic friend but honest opinion keep my name and and message me if I sound worthy? ;)

Time the relinquishing ghost
Here tonight is it here tomorrow
If we get held on till tomorrow is tomorrow's light gone or vanishing
If night skies tells us the answer do we really know
Do you seek the eternity or just what's in life to know
If you seek out your dreams wake up
This is your reality and the answer's right in front of you
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Me and my best friend.
Posted: 1/23/2010 4:53:06 PM
I really liked the last two posters advice. Problem is dreams exist. Thing is when you are around this girl right? Do you feel the spiritual connection? I know there's alot of "New souls" out there. Do you feel happy around this girl and talk to her about anything? Or are you simply connected to her body?

If it's just the body move on plenty of fish on plentyoffish or on the streets. If it ain't the body then look her in the eyes and tell her how you think you met her in another lifetime. I think that's the best I can do for now. Take it easy brother -B-
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 1284 (view)
 
winter winds
Posted: 1/22/2010 8:05:18 AM
my brother's wife is canadian lol so is his son cept for his murphy blood running through him so coming from his wife's dad "eh?" :P

Government frootloops
make me a bowl of weed please
Don't smoke it myself anymore
But I can sell to people in need
If time loves me sell me a hood rat
I can get my freak on and love a ghetto girl
and make then I'd be happier
O god I hope you're not reading this babe :O sorry sabby just teasin :P
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What do you think of a pushy, tenacious woman trying to catch you?
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:51:57 AM
if you like talking to her try her approach back and say "by golly maam you tenacious vixen I will try a date with you" ;)

Honestly you gonna tell my girl who is what you would call normal to stop dating me cause I've got a mental diagnosis? would that be fair to me? think about it now... peacez :)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
First Line, Last Line (Part Deux)
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:46:47 AM
stalk em all you want rosie but jot down yo numba if you glance my way ;) hehe

or if the negatives will come out any better
what's the deal with the teenage mutant ninja turtles and a human samarai named shredder
If negative emotions post synthesis
let the outcome be a new variety of sea monkeys in this

In a small petstore my army will bloom like children of a **stard son
each day warming to the next one
and each day i rest will become a memory in time
simply fading each dying soldier like a cat with nine

As each tear falls back i become focused
I'll start impregnating women by the masses grab em by their carouses
should i sound like a pervert in a poetry thread
i don't shut up and spread

Rosie knows I'm foolishly humorous or try to be but give me a chance to write something sweet sometime weare1 i'm good friends with tigerlily too :)

just to name a few :P
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
what can I do at the gym with a girl?
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:22:57 AM
This isn't always true but you never get a second chance to make a first impression

First off my mom is a fitness instructor for a gym so she's taught me a few things when I was younger about dating rules around the gym...

First don't come across as needy that's desperation and honestly wouldn't work in the hottest whorehouse in texas ;)

But say hi can you help me? I'm new to the gym. I was wondering how to use this equipment? And by then you're in even if they refuse they'll recommend you to a training technician and yea they're better than the women haha :P

JUST STAY AWAY FROM MOMS lol jk she's 60 and still married so luck :P

And if after awhile and i mean awhile they got strict rules both of you like eachother then you can ask them out for a coffee bar would be a no no depending on the gym and the girl's tastes of course
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 1282 (view)
 
winter winds
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:10:36 AM
If I leave you time to think what I'm trying to say about stuff don't read my posts in dating and love advice section... there is no doubt beyond my mind I wanna beat up that player punk David Deangelo lol xx B

Log out of plentyoffish and read his advice makes me sick everytime and how is he helping people but making them into players to excuse me but whores :)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Unwritten rules of the phone
Posted: 1/22/2010 5:37:04 AM
ok just only read the OP's write about being introverted

If she's talking and I'm just listening I just go "mmmhmmm..." like I'm cool and they know I'm listening. But honestly try it works great even if you don't haha :P

Also open up don't plan girls like fun guys talk about how you caught a big and literally put it "A nice bass and I wish I could've caught you in my arms instead" sucker me all you want like I'm a dork it works ;) and guys who say it don't like that smuck David Deangelo can suck me lol honestly if I paid 10 bucks for his books I'd be hopeless and hope to become the ultimate "player" you got knives in your back now David? Shoulda coulda but you didn't C the B Dawg! woof! just playen but I seriously hate the mother f.ucker. If you all don't know who David Deangelo is read his literal advice on how to supposedly get women it's a player's magnet it's gold for sad men who don't know what love is and if you're a fan you don't belong here GTFO NOW! :) have a nice day
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Me and my best friend.
Posted: 1/22/2010 5:20:03 AM
Just remember bro that anybody man or woman gets freaked out by the love word you gotta find a girl who accepts you for you.

Now I've been in the same situation right? I stared at the moon like I was love sick wondering if she'd ever call or write back. Heck I even found her yahoo address cause no one even in my hometown made me feel the same.

Bottom line. It may work different for you but it was a waste of effort trying to catch up with someone who didn't want me back... I know you like the girl let fate play it's role you'll end up with someone just be happy in the end :)

Keep in mind after.. even after 11 years of not seeing this girl yes online thing was popular in 96 :P but anyway even after every relationship I was in I felt miserable until someone recently showed me what true love was. I'm very lucky I found her and you'l find your too ;) count on it it happens when you least expect it and usually from who you least expect it :).

Ok i've rambled on long enough here's the point... be honest be open share your feelings guys who say that doesn't work don't know what a relationship is. A relationship is struggles and hardship and truth and reasoning.

Hope I've been of some help man good luck with her :)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 132 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 1/22/2010 4:03:46 AM
Silence
Whisper to me now dear soldier
Your deeds your warcrimes do you suffer?

Yes I repent of my sins my lord

Sins?
No my child do you suffer?
It matters not what you did for a king sitting on a throne
Alexander the great led his troops and fought on the frontlines not as a soldier but as an emporer
Yet in all greatness he couldn't stop crying that day
In all of time no greater a man has existed in command of an army
What he accomplished in 20 years with only himself took the whole Roman Legion a thousand years
Yet he still cried when he had everything... wives, childre, and the very world around his very finger grasp
Like he was missing everything

What was he missing my lord?

He didn't have true love and thus he came back and was known henceforth as the true prodigal son in the afterlife

Not many Magians out there I know. Only me in America ;)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 1280 (view)
 
winter winds
Posted: 1/22/2010 12:18:40 AM
I want everyone to trully picture this statement....

"If God created us from simple primate millions of years ago and we evolved into free willing thinkers what's our future evolution?" Yes i made it up :P

But what's our next transfer GODS ourselves? Is my personal lord Magi trully right? He spoke once of mankind becoming a lil bit powerful than any god yet still not as powerful. Human Imagination trully is a creator's wonder ;)

Take care all :) B
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 1279 (view)
 
winter winds
Posted: 1/22/2010 12:13:18 AM
honestly bearwoman i'm honoured :)

I write poems alot on forums like this and yet I don't post often

I know I'm trully a gifted poet not many really notice but I know I'm a blessed individual :)

Deep in space are you with your suitcases
Planning a trip or planning for fall
Don't fall in space
You'll only float
Each layer of space suffocates but breathes in beauty of life
There's no need to tell anyone
They only hold us down for anyone
You take my hand we'll see how close to the moon our love will take us
If time shows us the moon within our glide
Plant a new flag a seed of rememberence in the moon's heart
And watch that flower grow like our love

NO i'm not hitting on anyone THIS TIME! :P lol was written about Sabrina who Rosie kinda has met to an extent through my help ;)

Yes I won't forget how true love is through compromise and companionship growing together to see our goals are met :) ty for telling me xx B
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 1276 (view)
 
winter winds
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:30:11 PM
holy grail
a literal pail
of a sacred blood carrying our savior
what if time is what encourages us to live
like each son and daughter we bare is of christ's own lineage
king of kings of ancient father
we only know for certain when it's too late
is darwin correct we have no souls just simple vessels
or did god intend us to make us both
yet we struggle on each day working job to job
while we forget why we even still breathe
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 517 (view)
 
Infinite Memories
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:26:38 PM
hard memmories
vaccant thoughts
what's the difference if we forget what makes us stronger
each day a breath more fragrant than the last
for each day that stings
two better day it brings
yet nothing is as good as it seems
when tommorow comes as it will
if today was a good day don't frown on any upset no matter how hard
live with a smile
and make today like yesterday

hope you're feeling better miss bird :)
 final dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 56 (view)
 
for my love, my love may refer to God, to a significant other, to an x, to a family member, etc...;)
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:17:30 PM
Time after reason falls knowledge partakes the sin
What's wrong with learning when that's what we adapt for
In the wrong hands a weapon makes a heroic soldier into a homeless man
F'n government
When do heroes of today not be given a choice of a new tommorow
Like Rambo was in charge of million dollar equipment now he can barely hold a job
Is my fate of a fallen warrior proud to serve his king so wildly disrupted
When that same king won't repay the kindness I showed him with my own heart and blood
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 44 (view)
 
for my love, my love may refer to God, to a significant other, to an x, to a family member, etc...;)
Posted: 1/14/2010 7:51:29 PM
no maam I know it wasn't about me but I made a good point that in talking to eachother we opened eachother's eyes? :P Heck you know I'm odd but make a very interesting story. Most geniouses are eccentric. I don't think you're odd but you are smart and I don't know your past. Sorry about your mom that's a horrible way to go. My mama cute name for grandma on my mom's side suffered a horrible stroke. For two years she was on life support we just couldn't say goodbye ya know. But we let her go one day my aunt said "mom it's time to go to dad" and they all saw a tear like she was with us aware the whole time but she couldn't talk or anything just lie like a vegitatable. So I'm glad she passed when there was no hope and she was suffering but I'm sad cause I still dream she's at her house telling me stories. :)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
for her
Posted: 1/14/2010 11:28:06 AM
Tink the stranger you mentioned in your last story was me :). Not literally but through me kinda you saw the gentler side of man and thus found your true for what he is. Maybe I'm mistaken? :( Whether I'm relishing in absolute foolishness or whatever I think your love is a great lucky guy for having your heart. Just we found another through knowing eachother...... You and I ;)

Strattered time
Show me the river that repeats
If history has to why did Castro not keep his promise
Nothing's perfect and no one is
As time goes on you find out God has made a million mistakes in all his existance
And thus we are as perfect as we can be
You and me in the immortal fields -together one- perfectly united with the angels and gods

Take care M ;)

I will be back lol
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
for her
Posted: 1/14/2010 11:20:51 AM
usernamewastaken: Good inspiring poems man I feel for your mother. As a close distant-travelwise friend of singing lily's you might have just made a new good friend with her and me. Us regulars are looking for talent to talk to and just have fun. So welcome and visit often. my thread is give me a gander or just hit the history on me since you're how we say a "newbie" sorry lol just how it is for new to a new site :). No offense man seriously just we'll teach you what you want to know given our limited understanding. Just stick around. :) B

Silence falls
Vast abundance of gold and no empty treasures
A passion for knowledge ignites a flood of intelligence
Thus igniting dreams and no more silent thoughts

:)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 131 (view)
 
give me a gander
Posted: 1/10/2010 11:53:29 AM
The unforgiven stranger walks alone day by day night after night
Each day a sunken tear crosses his face
Where do the lonely go unbridled by temptation void of light
In each shadowed symphony the orchestra plays
Do you forgive me now father
I have failed at everything now
Do you still love me mother
As the bread begins to rott
Each golden treasure is an empty trashsack of busted dreams
As such the man walks down the path of dispair
Hoping for a new beginning in the arms of the lost
Search for seas of nothing
And drown when you used to have everything that never mattered now
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
something new i wrote.
Posted: 1/10/2010 1:23:22 AM
I stole your heart for you to see
Sometimes you don't mean that much to others but you mean more to me
You hated
What I created
My mind, your soul, trapped together in a lie
Together we created what we thought was beautiful at the time
Others said I was crazy for dealing with a phychopathic individual with so many faces and only a few scars
I wanted to see what was more to you, so I stayed to see what else you are
How many suns and stars burnt out of orbit while I existed holding my breath for air
All this time waiting hoping you'd show up. You were never there
You just wasted my life
I threw away the ring I promised you to be my wife
With all those memmories gone like ash
Take one last look at the monster you created as I turn around kiss my ass

Nice poem Death can't say you need any improvement :)
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
for my love, my love may refer to God, to a significant other, to an x, to a family member, etc...;)
Posted: 1/10/2010 1:14:41 AM
16 chapters x 15,000+ words per chapter sometimes only 2500 for short chapters, in summary: 3 short chapters times 2500+ words + 13 x 15000+ words = x : solve for x?: :P

Don't let us part ways
Live
A new tommorow will lead the way
Whatever happens know I'll always be by you
Whether you venture out my life out that door to the wide open world
I'll be by you
Even if separated lost at sea the mommento of your treasure your picture in a heart shaped trinklet of glass I look unto and remember the bad times but usually the good
No matter what rains down from the skies there's always a rainbow of your love
Colors are all that matter
Your blue eyes to my brown as we get swept away into the cosmos dancing under the stars
Your heart to mine chest to chest
Never felt so blessed to just knowing another woman
Not just another woman - My other half
My very soul in the fragrance of my love
To love someone you have to be equal to them
Thus you are me
So let yourself free
Think for awhile and let it be
I'll be here waiting under the stars for you to see
How much you trully mean to me
And thus a thousand days become an eternity
When you finally arrive at the door to my heart
The suffering and longing will be worth the wait
So is fate
Like a dust in the wind
Joining us again
As the leaves fall branches pouring in new life
Welcome to my world will you be my wife
I felt so confused but now I know if only for a day in a spot of a thousand years
There'd be absolutely no one else I'd spend eternity with
So you to me ear to ear let out your heart tell me once dear
Let me hear the voice I've come to love
Like a harmony of angels sent above
Shine down your winding grace
And present yourself to my lowly face
Where I can show you happieness of heart
Let it be with times of trouble and times of joy
Let's explore the world together
Forever.....
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
for my love, my love may refer to God, to a significant other, to an x, to a family member, etc...;)
Posted: 1/8/2010 12:12:10 PM
well shoot cowgirl saddle up and plug away at my mind someday? indulge me in your ideas and show me the talent i've seen in a million stars with only you being the moon :) take care B

My arms can't hold back from what holds my hands
I've lost since I lost you
My arms can't hold back the lonlieness
Somebody hold me down and fight back the lonlieness
And bind my hands and make me understand
I don't want to understand
Please God don't let me understand
 Final Dreamz
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
just friends
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:35:11 AM
You said we'll be with eachother just not as close
If we stick together we'll be with eachother
I wanted more though
I wanted to kiss your soft feminane lips
Open my hearts and thoughts to you
It's not everyday we get to see a new fresh beginning
Send me an angel then
If you're not the one and you believe in God so damn much send me someone else as special as you are to me
If I was parted without your kiss
How would I know what I'm not missing
Is that what you want
A special guy a special girl separated and end up alone after a rocky marriage in other lover's arms
I wanted you for me and you for me
So spit out my soul you are no longer me
You only did it to save yourself
I guess even angels lie to hide themselves of who they are
Show me who you really are
Even if you're the essessnce of love to my frail eyes

My words this time
 
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