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 Author Thread: Would it be wise to loan my girlfriend money?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Would it be wise to loan my girlfriend money?
Posted: 1/17/2011 9:21:01 PM
Wow, I know times are tough, but seriously, all that for $40? Sure you don't want to get a blood sample too, to make sure the signature on the note is authentic?

She does seem to be down on her luck right now, do you really need to humiliate her further by writing up a repayment schedule for $40?

Does she honestly not do anything that enhances the quality of your life enough to make you want to just give her $40 in her time of need?

If you truly see her as some kind of deadbeat, do her a favor and stop dating her. Nobody deserves to be with someone who looks down on them in such a way.

But if this is the same one you told you loved her on New Years Eve, cut her a little slack, will you? You don't want people to hear that tight ass squeaking when you're walking around. Those elementary school kids can be brutal about that kind of thing.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 185 (view)
 
Why do men pay the exsbills?
Posted: 1/17/2011 8:55:20 PM

Yes no one has to clear why they divorce their wonderful wife or divorce their decent husband, when they are giving their opinion on their post.

There you go. You CAN understand it.


and no one too should attack some one



I understand that he have to help support the kids that is a mandatory law,but helping you a few times after the divorce,paying your bills and food for the table ? or fixing the lawn mower ect.? That means you can't stand on your own????? What I don't understand is why some women are c0cky to divorce their husband to be out in the life, but still needs his help/money....

I don't need to see your ex to know all the details why she divorced you, your words project your character, that she can't live with you but she needs your help/money..


I agree, no one should attack some one.


You are riled up of my being 58 and a dancer (hip hop dance, I can do ballroom too) and my stupid joke of Rich and Handsome
Riled up? Nah.... just pointing out that none of us really have room to be judging others. Enjoy your evening ms vannili
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 178 (view)
 
Why do men pay the exsbills?
Posted: 1/17/2011 6:16:59 PM

I don't need to see your ex to know all the details why she divorced you, your words project your character, that she can't live with you but she needs your help/money..

I answered the question the way I want to answer with few questions, to enlighten me, why a decent guy that means he is a good family guy that his wife will divorce him ????

I bet that question is a crime to you huh!!!!

I am speaking for all the women in the world , that no woman will let GO a good man....
Yes, your posts project your character as well. That's why the harsh judgemental attitude in your post seemed so inappropriate. How miraculous that you are able to know all the detail of my divorce, and indeed speak for all the women in the world. .... That must be some amazing skillset you have there. Mr. Rich and Handsome must be blind not to have found you by now.

People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. You couldn't possibly understand the circumstances surrounding every divorce. And no one needs to answer to you for the decisions they make in their personal lives. If it doesn't make sense to you, stick to trying to figure out the less complex things in life. There's no shame in that. We all have our limitations.

Some people understand that the world isn't black and white. There's good and bad in everyone, and people grow and change. Sometimes letting each other go is the most loving thing two people can do for one another. That doesn't mean they can't still care about the other, or be willing to do things to make each other's lives a little easier. I've helped her in a lot of ways, since we divorced. And she's done the same for me. It took some adjusting, redefining boundries, but it was well worth it. Sure beats drowning in bitterness and hatred. Besides, it's my money. I think I have the right to use it as I see fit. I send plenty to various organizations, to help people I don't even know. Why wouldn't I use some to help out the people I do know?

And thank you Welsh. You're quite the gem yourself.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 173 (view)
 
Why do men pay the exsbills?
Posted: 1/17/2011 2:49:30 PM

If he is a decent person in many ways ,why did you divorce him?
I understand that he have to help support the kids that is a mandatory law,but helping you a few times after the divorce,paying your bills and food for the table ? or fixing the lawn mower ect.? That means you can't stand on your own????? What I don't understand is why some women are c0cky to divorce their husband to be out in the life, but still needs his help/money....

I have not experienced divorce or people that I know in my circle....
If you don't understand the question, why are you answering it? What circle do sixty year old hip hop dancers looking for rich and handsome men run in, anyway?

There's no law that says people who divorce have to hate each other. I helped my ex out when she had to take some time off work while her father was dying. She had done the same thing when my parents were in their final days. I felt it was the least I could do. Then again, she didn't burn me when we got divorced. If she had, I probably would have felt differently. Not all exes are money hungry mongrels. I would have done the same for any other friend, or person I felt worthy of my assistance.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Gf sending provacotive texts to friend
Posted: 1/16/2011 8:30:44 AM
That's a tough situation to be in, OP, but there are a couple of things about the way this post is worded that make me wonder what else there is to this story.

First of all, you happened to wake up while she was in the shower, and then you happened to scroll through her text messages out of boredom and mild curiosity? So innocent on your part, eh? I smell one of those self proclaimed 'nice guys' who justifies his own dishonest behavior by keeping the focus on other people's bad behavior. I'm sure there's other reading material in your home, to alleviete your boredom, and 'mild curiosity' could just as easily be satisfied with a conversation. If you don't trust her, and you felt the need to snoop around to see if your hunch had any merit, then at least own that.

Secondly, if you still have all these lingering doubts about this other guy, why are you not being honest with her about that? Being 'supportive' of her going out with this guy and 'not displaying' the jealousy you're feeling is another thing that doesn't quite make sense. Sure, it may project an image of being a 'nice guy' but if you're not being honest and straightforward with her about how your feeling, that's not really all that 'nice' now is it? Why aren't you taking her out to have a good time, instead of just sitting around being 'supportive' while other people do that, then checking up on her after the fact?

But the thing that really makes me wonder what's really going on here is this:

Im Jason btw, there was also something right before these texts about how he was honry and she said "youre not the only one who's horny" This was particularly hurtful as I tried to make an advance on her before she went to bed before me (and apparently stayed up to have this conversation).
You allude to some discussion between the two of them about being horny, but don't disclose that part of the discussion. Puts her in an awfully bad light, that does. You share the rest of her conversation, but leave that part out.... Makes me wonder if she was sharing with him the reasons for her dissatisfaction in her relationship with you, that keeps the distance between the two of you and makes the idea of being intimate with you unappealing?

I mean, you say you made an advance on her, as she went to bed before you. Were you planning to just take her in the bedroom and boff her, then jump back up to do whatever it was you stayed up to do? Was having sex the only reason you wanted to spend your time with her? You didn't want tot take her out to have a good time, and you didn't want to go to bed with her, unless she was willing to have sex with you. That doesn't indicate much effort on your part to create or maintain a strong emotional connection with her. And most of the women I know are much more enthusiastic about being intimate with a person they feel strongly emotionally connected to, than someone who shows little interest in them other than sexually.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's hurtful to feel that your woman is developing an attraction to someone else. But it's been my experience that they don't typically look for that if their needs are being met within their current situation. Are you doing your part to keep things strong between the two of you?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Getting out of a difficult and public situation...
Posted: 1/15/2011 11:05:19 PM
Unless this thread is strictly ladies only, I'd like to second Plursty's idea. A suggestive singing telegram from, say, an over the top kinky s&m male (or maybe richard simmons, in those sparkly short shorts) could deliver your message with an dose of embarrassment equal to the one he gave you. Any eye for an eye, and all that.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Guys, harassment complaint at work?
Posted: 1/15/2011 6:53:30 PM

I was being sarcastic. You very clearly are a self-hating man, willing and eager to believe anything about men, as long as it's bad. Hateful, hurtful comments like those don't even register on your radar...
Actually, it didn't upset me for the same reason your senseless blather doesn't upset me. I'm an adult, not some reactive child. If someone tries to insult me, and I know what they're saying isn't true, I don't see any reason to get all bent out of shape. You proved what she was saying has at least some merit, by responding in such a neasy and dismissive way. Not only do you not know how those situations affect women, you don't care either. Your attitude is stfu and deal with it. Yep, those laws had to be made specically because of people like you.

I will agree that her wording was poorly chosen, and that's what triggered your misogynistic response. Since about 16% of sexual harassment complaints are file BY men, it's clearly not true that NO man understand what it's like to be sexually harassed. As I pointed out earlier, I think the point was that a person who had never experiences something could never truly understand what it felt like to be in that position. And I know you agree with that point, Arlo. That's why you posted this in another thread recently:

I always enjoy when someone who will never suffer from a certain condition, can so blithely dismiss it.

Until you can understand what a man feels when he suffers from ED, you should really curb your words...


You really need to learn how to take your own advice.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Told her off, got a different response than expected...
Posted: 1/14/2011 6:30:54 PM

I expected 2 responses:
a) Fine/Whatever
b) No response

but in turn I got a third response that I didn't expect:
Yep, that's what happens when you step away from the predictability of the IT world, and allow for the human variable. I would stop trying to pin everything down, and just let things flow however they do. Expect the unexpected, and you'll never be disappointed.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why are the Birds and Fish dying .
Posted: 1/14/2011 6:00:52 PM
^^ I was thinking that too, but wouldn't it be a more gradual and ongoing thing if that were the case, as opposed to sudden mass deaths, then right back to normal for awhile? And why does it seem to be affecting one species at a time, in so many cases?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 160 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/14/2011 5:54:39 PM

I implore you read the OP once again and see if the end justifies the means.
I don't really want to hijack your thread, and I certainly don't want to dismiss the way you feel about this issue. I was following it silently for awhile before I posted, and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to share my perspective on this issue, particularly because my thoughts were so different than many of those being posted by men. It's interesting that you make the remark that you find my spectrum to be overly narrow. That's actually a thought that occurs to me many times while I'm reading through these threads, in regard to much of what's posted. Of course, I respect your right to have that opinion, it just hadn't occurred to me that perhaps I was the one with such a limited scope. I think that's the one thing I appreciate the most about these forums, is having the opportunity to peek into the minds of other people, and see where they're coming from. If there's one thing the people on these forums can be counted on to do, it's speak their minds openly. That being said, I doubt if you'll be too impressed with my thoughts as to the original post, but since you asked, here goes.

Your opening statement seems entirely reasonable, and I actually agree completely. I don't believe in accidental pregnancies either. I've seen far too many couples make a conscious decision not to have children immediately, and manage to avoid doing so, until such time as they decided they were ready.

Unfortunately, that's pretty much the extent of the similarities in our perspectives. I gather from the OP, and the subsequent posts that what you really meant was that you don't believe WOMEN ever become pregnant accidentally, but that men are incapable of having any control over whether a pregnancy occurs or not. I just cannot, in good conscience, agree with that premise. Even considering my own situation. I could take the position that she 'did that to me', and for awhile, I did. But after some brutally honest reflection, I had to admit my part. I knew I was dissatisfied with that relationship, and I knew she felt that from me. I watched her do things that were totally out of character for her, and I was fully aware that she was using manipulative tactics, to try to feel a little more secure in our relationship. I could have spoken up, taken a step back from the relationship, asked for some space to sort my feelings out, but I didn't. I just went through the motions, trying to pretend everything was status quo, while I tried to sort my thoughts out without having to deal with the way I felt she would react, if I had tried to share those thoughts with her.

One of my main sources of dissatisfaction in that relationship was the way we interacted sexually, which she knew, so I wasn't necessarily surprised when she stepped up her efforts in that area. Ironically, the harder she tried at that point, the more I just wanted to get away from her, because I knew it was a game. I'm pretty sure the night my kids were concieved, I was fantasizing about one of the secretaries in my office, just trying to stay hard long enough to get it over with. How fvcking stupid was that? I knew she was playing games with me. I should have had the nuts to just say no. That part wasn't her fault. I didn't protect myself, and I got burnt. That's the way the world works. Blaming someone else doesn't change that. Unintentional? Most definately. Unpreventable? Not even close. And that was within a marriage, where there was at least some reasonable expectation of mutual consideration. The idea of leaving that much to chance with someone I had no real commitment with, no solid reason to feel comfortable leaving my fate in their hands? I'm sorry, but I call that recklessness, and that's not something I consider accidental.

Anyway, I agree that opting to have a child sired by a man you know has no intention of stepping up as a father to that child is probably not the best thought out decision a girl can make. But I don't see it as being any more foolish or reprehensible than opting to risk creating a child with a woman you have no desire to raise a family with. Neither one is an innocent victim, in such situations. The only innocent victim is the child, and I find it practically impossible to muster any respect or sympathy for anyone who would allow a helpless child to bear any consequences for their own reckless behavior.

As far as being ejected from a child's life after the fact, I know the painful reality of that situation is all too real for many, so I decline from making any generalized statements regarding that issue. My personal experience has been something along the lines of 'where there's a will, there's a way', but I understand that's not a realistic possibility for everyone. What I will say is that every situation is different, as far as that goes. So while there are times when a woman decides to do so as a vindictive strategy, I think there are also times when a man will imply that's what happened in order to deflect the 'blame' for what's really going on: He's looking for a plausible excuse to bail. When we start rationalizing and blaming other people for things to avoid feeling a sense of shame about it, we already know deep down that what we're doing isn't right. We just haven't admitted it to ourselves, yet. Sometimes, the only people who will ever know the truth of the matter are the two people involved. There are definately people in this world who drag that denial right into their grave.

I also think however a relationship turns out is a direct result of what's been put into it by both parties. One person is rarely ever the sole cause for a split, no matter what the other says. I think a lot of people walk away from a potentially salvagable, even satisfying relationship, because they simply aren't willing to do their part to sustain it. We enter into things, expecting to get our needs met, and barely give any thought to what our partner might need (and deserve) from us. Then we blame our partner when they get tired of being in a situation where thy don't feel as though they matter, and walk away. I think most of our problems could be easily resolved if we were somehow able to look inward with the same brutal honesty that comes so easily to us when we're looking at other people.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Rant / LFMM
Posted: 1/14/2011 3:32:22 PM
Well, I predict you're in for a pretty brutal beating here in the forum after that post, so I hope you at least feel a little better for having gotten it off your chest. I agree, it's inexcusable that some people behave that way, but you do know that many are going to continue to do just that, don't you?

So here you are with a serious warning to other women, that men are not to be trusted, or at least some men are not to be trusted, which is a legitimate concern, and excellent advice. But what exactly does 'be careful' mean to you? Have you given any thought to what specifically your 'mistakes' were, and what, if anything, you would do differently in the future, to avoid finding yourself in such unhappy circumstances again?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 157 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/14/2011 1:14:59 PM

Seriously you will deny that most men don't think that way? If so maybe you haven't been paying attention or you're not a guy.

You participate in these forums quite a bit and you can't see the patterns?
Shocking, I know, but once you get outside of your own neighborhood, you suddenly realize that there are all kinds of new concepts out there, just waiting for us to be able to grasp them. Not everyone that looks like us thinks like us. I've absolutely noticed the patterns in these forums, but I also have enough life experience to understand that these forums hardly represent the entire array of attitudes towards this issue.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy participating in these forums, but you have to admit, this venue tends to attract people who share some specific similarities. Through my work, I have the opportunity to interact regularly with people from both extreme ends of the spectrum. I have clients who represent three generations of the same families. Believe me, those families mean EVERYTHING to them. There's nothing they wouldn't do to support and aid in the growth of their children. They're thinking in terms of creating legacies, not wondering how they can skip out on child support, and avoid being part of their children's lives. I don't say that to be judgemental. We all offer the best we have, and that's all there is. But it's important to keep in mind that there ARE people who view these issues in an entirely different way. And a man is in no way 'less of a man' because he doesn't view his offspring as an unwanted burden, and their mother a worthless whore. In fact, I know many many people who feel exactly the opposite. Frankly, I think that kind of attitude is just as detrimental to our society as children being raised without fathers.

In all seriousness, even if a woman is so low that she somehow 'tricks' a man into getting her pregnant, does it not occur to anyone however low she is, you were still the one that decided to sleep with her? Do we honestly not think we need to bear ANY responsibility for the decisions we make? And regardless of what circumstances this child was born under, does there never come a point in time where the fact that they are our own flesh and blood take on more importance than our bitterness and hatred towards their mother? It wouldn't appear so from reading these forums, but I can assure you, for many, it does.

And just so you know, I'm not talking out of my ass here. I got married at twenty, thinking it was the right thing to do. I was quickly coming to the conclusion that it was not, and my wife knew that. Lo and behold, her birth control suddenly failed, and I became the father of twins at twenty four. I was so angry I went directly to the doctor, and got my vasectomy. And of course, was guilted into staying, for awhile, in a dead relationship. The kids were ten when I reached the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. But as angry as I was at her, I never blamed my children for that, and I fought that b!tch tooth and nail to maintain my presence in their lives. Do you know, she actually said to me when I told her I was leaving "I'm gonna make sure these kids divorce you too". And by God, did she try. There were some hellish years in there, especially when I married my second wife. I work in sales, and get paid on commission, so there were some lean months back then. There were times when we used my wifes paycheck to send child support to my ex wife. Don't think that didn't burn her ass. But she always understood where I was coming from. She kept her focus on the bigger picture, our bigger picture. If she hadn't been able to do that, she wouldn't have been the right partner for me, and I would have had to let her go. As it turned out, she decided to let me go anyway, a few years ago, over something completely unrelated to the kids. I wish she hadn't, but at the same time, I recognize that I made it necessary, and so I wish her well, most days. As far as I'm concerned, part of being a man is being able to look at yourself honestly, and recognize your own faults, and God knows I have a few. But I also have the love and respect of my children, and on some level, even that of the women I've loved. And most importantly, I have my own. So if a guy on a dating site mistakes me for a woman because my attitude is different than his, I can live with that. My children are adults now, married, and one is even getting ready to give birth to my first grandchild. They tell me all the time how much they appreciate the family structure I created for them, something they never really felt they had at their mother's. And they're still very close with my ex wife too, because they recognize the contribution she made their their lives. And I'm ok with that, because as much as I might have preferred things had worked out differently between her and I, she still deserves to enjoy the relationships she built with my children, over all those years she sacrificed, right beside me, for their benefit. Some people have the capacity to see the bigger picture, my friend. And yes, I'm really a guy.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 154 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/14/2011 11:30:07 AM

Plus you are also the only one's granted the legal right to end life.
Ha, ha, I get it.... I'm a woman now.... good one. You're right, only the person who's body contains the new life has any right to make decisions like that. But no one can rob us of our right not to contribute to that life in the first place.



Men are weak and predisposed to seeking out sex.
Please tell me you're not seriously trying to use this as the platform for your position? Does that also mean that mentally unstable people are weak, and predisposed towards violence against other people, and as such they should be given a free pass when they violate or harm another person? Wow, what a scary world THAT would be.



Women are predisposed to to want kids, it's not a fault but controlling that desire is at issue. I doubt very much we need to worry about population levels.
We need to worry about involvement from the male gender, it can't be forced and it is quite obvious that many are not volunteering be it from selfishness or a myriad of other aspects.
So we men are helpless victims, at the mercy of our desires, but women need to be working a little harder to control their desires? And if they can't or won't, then they need to accept more of the responsibility for their their failure to do so? And that's in addition to them alredy accepting all the responsibility for our failure to control our desires, right? And you don't have any problem saying that out loud? Your balls must be made of solid brass, that's all I can say. Hey, while we're at it, can we pass a law that says they have to squirt beer out of their breasts as well? Man, that would be so great.

I wonder what would happen if we were to channel some of that selfish instinct towards our sperm, and be a little less generous in volunteering it to random women?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 152 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/14/2011 10:21:42 AM

The increasing number of children being raised without fathers is detrimental to our society. It isn't about whether those single moms can love those kids enough but whether or not that is enough.
Money isn't a substitute for fatherhood.
I completely agree with this. I just don't understand why the responsibility for this is being dumped on the women? I can't cite any statistics, but it seems to me that in the vast majority of single mother situations, the child's biological father would have the option to be an active particioant in the child's life, if he so desired. And I don't think there is anyone doing more to make it easier for women to become single mothers than the men who are siring their children. The answer seems pretty clear to me.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Why are the Birds and Fish dying .
Posted: 1/14/2011 10:08:04 AM
We recently had a similar issue in the Chesapeake bay, which was the first I ever heard of something like that. (Aside from the damage to the Louisiana waterways, following the oil spill). http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/01/05/national/main7216597.shtml
This article cites colder than normal water temperatures. I try not to subscribe to conspiracy theories, or doomsday predictions, but that explanation just doesn't sil well with me.

Brazil is reporting tons and tons of mysterious dead sardines, and Sweden has had the dead bird incidents as well. (The explanation we got locally was that it must have been New Years eve fireworks that caused the bird deaths, but that one doesn't sound too plausible either).

I'll be very interested to hear people's thoughts on these phenominon.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 148 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/14/2011 9:05:16 AM

Yeah, just WIC or getting a student grant. Not wanting to have to pay [as much] for those children or that education all by one's self.
Not any more relevent this time than it was last time.

This is congruent with the women that are siring these children when they are not in the financial position to raise them. But at least the gub'ment will throw money at them for their choices, right? Just so long as they hide behind the "best interest of the child" argument, it's just fine and dandy.
Actually, children are "sired" by their male parent. I assume you mean women 'bearing' children they are not in the financial position to raise? I realize you think it's a simple solution to just run right down to the clinic and zap that problem, but I think that's a misconception on your part. I'm not a woman, but I've been around for a very long time, and have known many women over the decades. I can assure you, something about the realization that there's an actual life growing inside one's body has a massive impact on that viewpoint. Even the women I've known who have had abortions have done so under immense distress. I realize you can't fully grasp that concept, because you never have, and never will, be faced with that decision, but for most women, it's just not that simple. Imagine a woman telling you your testicles serve no valuable purpose, and you need to go have them removed. How would you feel about that? Multiply that feeling by a thousand, and that's about how most women feel when a man suggests they have an abortion.

Has it occured to you that the gub'ment wouldn't need to step up with the cheese, if boys like you didn't feel entitled to create children then abandon them? Because you DID have a say in whether or not you sired a child. It was only after you made your decision that any further control was placed into someone else's hands. That's why it's so important to be selective about who you choose to offer that control to.


If women didn't complain about how unfair thing are, we wouldn't have had a women's rights movement. Or should we just ignore those few years in history?
Another red herring, but even if it weren't, it still wouldn't be a legitimate comparison. There were no logical biological reasons for the inequality that existed back then. Just ignorance, and lack of opportunities. In this matter, neither of those is a valid excuse.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 146 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/14/2011 2:35:02 AM

That is acquiescence with suggesting that we get rid of programs like, student grants, welfare, and WIC. These are all things that are government funded and they level the playing field. But to hell with those people too, right? They should play with the cards they are dealt and not be able to seek outside assistance.

Yep, they're still throwing out the pre-conception red herring when it's the post-conception argument that is being pressed. So much for that whole "logic" thing.
Student grants, welfare and WIC are completely irrelevent to this topic, which actually makes that diversion the red herring.

Preconception options, on the other hand, are the most logical and humane answers to the issue being pressed. In fact, they have the power to virtually eliminate the problem entirely. How is that NOT relevent?

It's true, biology keeps things from being 'fair' when it comes to procreation. Just like biology isn't 'fair' when it predisposes certain individuals to adverse health conditions that limit their potential, or shorten their lives. That hardly relieves them of their obligation to perform whatever additional tasks are necessary to maintain their health to the fullest extent that they can. If they fail to do so, their health suffers as a result of their negligence.

This entire argument is based on a desire for less accountability one's own actions. More than a desire, actually. It actually sounds like some people feel entitled to that. Why? Pregnancy prevention isn't rocket science. It's common sense, and self discipline. Being horny is not even close to reasonable justification for suggesting such extreme measures as forcing abortions on women, (the very same women you expect to acquiesce to YOUR desire for sex) or having the option to walk away, leaving yet another child to face the disadvantages that come with being fatherless. I mean, can you HEAR yourself making these statements? Do you honestly think there's even a shred of dignity or respectability in the concept that other human beings should be forced to bear these burdens because you felt like getting laid, and simply didn't feel like taking any precautions in doing so? Is that really what you think 'being a man' is all about?

If anything, that attitude demonstrates brilliantly the precise reason why boys DO need a father in their lives. To help them grow past that "the world revolves around me'"attitude, and develop some integrity. Men don't sit around and whine and complain about how unfair things are. They face reality, and accept it as such. They figure out how to work with what they've got, to create what they want.

I can't even fathom how a person would have the audacity to call themselves a man when they're thowing fits because they can't offload the burden of the responsibility and consequences for their own actions onto the women and children of their society. The very women who they look to to fulfill their desire for sex, and the very children who never asked to be born, and wouldn't even exist, but for that desire. Utterly bizarre.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 142 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:28:22 PM

There are plenty of sexually active men that want kids -eventually-, and don't want some woman pressing the fast-forward button. Or do you want to be yet another person wants to take the Roe v Wade argument of, "If you don't want kids, then don't have sex" that was used against women and just pit it against men?
Sex is a wonderful thing, but it's by no means an entitlement. It's like anything else, people have to understand the pros and cons, and make their decisions accordingly. You're acting like a helpless victim who has no control over whether he becomes a parent or not. That's simply not true. Today's condoms, when used properly, are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy, and birth control pills are 95% effective. When used together, the risk of an unwanted pregnancy is so miniscule, it doesn't even warrent discussion. So if you're being responsible on your end, and she's being responsible on her end, you're not going to have an unexpected pregnancy. If you're not willing to do that, then you're taking the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, and if it happens, then you need to accept the responsibility for it.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 137 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/13/2011 8:22:34 PM

"Blah blah blah biology blah blah blah." And we are huge advocates for not leveling the playing field because of things that we're born with(out). Derka Derka
If you want to level your playing field because you feel screwed over by biology, there's an operation for that. Derka Derka
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Guys, harassment complaint at work?
Posted: 1/13/2011 6:21:03 PM

Have I suggested anywhere, that sexual harrassment is a fun thing, and that we should decriminalize it? What I take exception to, is the constant harping about the Bad Old Days, as if NO IMPROVEMENTS WHATSOEVER have been made in male/female relations. I admit that it's a little frustrating, and gets to me sometimes. So?

How was she harping? She was responding to a direct statement in post 27, by outlining her own personal experiences. And apparently you missed this paragraph in her post:
I did have one nice thing regarding all this happen last winter. I got a 30 year pin from my local and some of the guys there, for the first time in all these years, acknowledged that I was treated really badly by some of my fellow workers. They told me that they tell their female apprentices now that they do *not* have to put up with any cr@p from anyone and they tell me I was a real model. That made me feel good that they finally admitted that stuff happened.
where she not only noted that there have been improvements made, but also expressed appreciation for that fact. So you're rationalizing your asinine comments by blaming them on your frustration over a situation that did not exist, at least not in that post. Interesting....

And while you did not make the statement that sexual harassment should be decriminalized, you did say


I think a lot of instances of "harrassment" can be more properly classified under "cluelessness, but the offender will behave properly when given a clue")

In other words, pull up your big-boy/big-girl undies and deal with other people as if *MOST* of them are reasonably-functioning adults.

The implication, in all too many cases, tries to equate some guy telling a funny, and slightly off-colour joke in 2010, with how women were routinely treated in the 50s and 60s. Get off it.
These statements clearly convey your attitude that 'all too many cases' are situations that complaints shouldn't be made at all. So, whether your goal is actual decriminalization, or simply minimizing the experiences, and attempting to shame or bully women into refraining from seeking relief under the existing laws, the outcome would be the same, wouldn't it? That's a pretty transparent ploy.


I notice that you're strangely silent on arwen's statement about men "not knowing". Odd, that..
Why is it odd? There are over two dozen posts in this thread, and neither you, nor I, nor anyone else broke each one down and responded to every thought presented.

Did that comment in particular strike a nerve for you? Did you assume the 'boys club' would rally together and bring down a shitstorm of self righteous indignation upon her head at the implication that men are incapable of grasping what she's saying? Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not a big fan of that kind of mob mentality. In fact, I think she makes an excellent point. It's difficult for ANY human being to truly understand the suffering of another, unless it's something they've experienced themselves. You can read books, talk to experts, and learn every logical fact about any situation, but until you LIVE it, you'll never fully comprehend all the subtle nuances, and the full impact it's had on that person's soul. I'm sure you'll agree that slavery was wrong, and that changing the laws to rectify that situation was the right thing to do. I'm sure you'll agree that it must have been really horrible to be in that situation. But do you honestly think you have any concept of what it FELT like to be owned by another human being? More importantly, do you think the people who actually had that experience would agree that you felt their pain? Your dismissive attitude sure wouldn't come across as very convincing.


pull up your big-boy/big-girl undies and deal with other people as if *MOST* of them are reasonably-functioning adults.
Reasonable functioning adults wouldn't be acting like creeps in the first place.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Make a good wife????
Posted: 1/12/2011 11:50:11 PM

I can't resist the urge to point out how many women seem to be quick to make light of something like this, but then want to make it a federal case, if they should be on the receiving end of the most innocent joke by a man.
Ok, how many?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 131 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 1/12/2011 10:27:57 PM

Unless you don't know that you've been accused until after the child support companies start garnishing your wages. Courts send out a subpoena, but they send it to her house because she doesn't know his address. She throws away the subpoena. He never shows up to court. Now he has to pay child support. It happens.
Hmm.. I wonder how she'll find him to collect the support, if she couldn't even find him to deliver the subpoena?


If I go to a sporting event. I shouldn't be imprisoned because I was sitting next to the guy that decides to open fire on a bunch of people in the crowd. The only tie that I had with him is that we were at the same event.
Now this one cracked me right up. If there's any possibility that you might have fathered the child, you weren't sitting beside the guy that fired. You were shooting too. You just won't know until the tests come back which bullets were who's.

You were making a somewhat plausible argument, up to that point. Except for this

In the court system a criminal is "innocent until proven guilty." This is no different. If she wants to -prove- that he is the father, she should have to go through the necessary processes to do so. Pointing a finger doesn't prove anything.

Yeah, I've read cases where burglars injured themselves in someone's house after breaking and entering, then sued the family and won. I wouldn't be surprised if you were on the side of the burglars too.
Why wouldn't 'innocent until proven guilty' apply to the mother? And as far as the court system goes, if there's proof, or an admission, that the criminal was at the scene of the crime, it does become his burden to provide reasonable doubt that he 'committed the crime'.

Claiming a woman you willingly had sex with burgled your sperm, though? That's a little over the top, don't you think?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Guys, harassment complaint at work?
Posted: 1/12/2011 6:47:31 PM

And... it all hinges on the definition of "harrassment". The implication, in all too many cases, tries to equate some guy telling a funny, and slightly off-colour joke in 2010, with how women were routinely treated in the 50s and 60s. Get off it
Get off it? Could you possibly be any more dismissive? Sexual harassment is addressed in the Civil Rights Act, meaning it's a FEDERAL CRIME. If you honestly believe that judges have repeatedly ordered multi million dollar judgements over an occasional off color joke, then yes, I'd agree that your IQ has taken a road trip to the south.

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm

There's a link to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's website, that clearly outlines what is considered sexual harassment under the federal guidelines. You might wanna brush up before you demonstrate any further ignorance on the subject. And just to be clear, these criteria were developed specifically for our country, by our GOVERNMENT, as an expansion of the guidelines laid out by the UNITED NATIONS to address civil behavior between human beings WORLDWIDE, and not just a bunch of petty complaints from a gaggle of whiny old hens who couldn't take a joke in the office. Frankly, I think attitudes like yours are the exact reason guidelines like these are necessary.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Guys, harassment complaint at work?
Posted: 1/12/2011 6:59:59 AM

Thanks for responding. Just curious if there's any guys out there that went through this and how it worked out.
Guys that went through what? Are you being falsely accused of sexual harassment, or held accountable for sexually harassing someone? I'm thinking there would be vastly different outcomes.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is this an acceptable question?
Posted: 1/12/2011 6:41:00 AM
Eh, I wouldn't say that's always the case. Sometimes people just click and connect, and they both feel it really early on. My most meaningful relationships all began with a pretty quick connection.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Sex and affection issues
Posted: 1/12/2011 6:34:20 AM
I don't think there's enough detail here to give you a solid answer. Are you saying the young men didn't like public display of affection, or were they like that in private as well? Everyone has their own preferences as far as how comfortable they feel making out in public.
Without a doubt, you're a stunning young lady Britney. Is it possible that the young gentlemen are finding you intimidating? Some people just aren't that comfortable with that intense focus, and prefer to play things a little more relaxed and casual. Also, we're from completely different generations, so I'm not sure if this applies, but some men prefer to be the one making the moves, and they're not quite sure how to take it when a woman is more assertive than they are. Are you dating that type of young man?

You may want to research something called KINO. It kind of explains how to guage another person's comfort level as far as physical intimacy through the use of subtle body language. It may help you be able to interpret the signals you're getting more accurately.

I'm not saying you should try to change your personal preferences as far as being affectionate. I'm saying you should keep looking until you find the young man who is on the same page as you. And don't let a couple of awkward reactions from young men turn this into a bigger thing in your mind than it actually is. Most men really appreciate and enjoy physical affection from a beautiful girl, as long as it's not constant, or overwhelming. It's possible those particular gents were just the exceptions to the rule.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is this an acceptable question?
Posted: 1/12/2011 5:55:51 AM

Until my faceb00k says "In a relationship with x" everything is fair game to me.
Oh, no, has it really come to this? Is facebook the ultimate source of truth for the new milennium??? If I don't have a page on facebook, does that mean I don't actually exist??? Tell me quick, I can already feel myself fading away....
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is this an acceptable question?
Posted: 1/12/2011 5:09:12 AM

I am not saying you are promiscuous but
Kind of like saying, I don't think you're an ***hole, but.....

I agree rocketsinflight... no speech necessary. Just let her know that you only date or sleep with one person at a time, and ask her what her thoughts are on that subject. It's not desperate or needy to know what your values are, and want to know what hers are as well.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Taking the wrong lesson from Dating and Love (a lighthearted misinterpretation)
Posted: 1/12/2011 4:32:21 AM
I would agree with Colt. Call it shallow, but more attractive people don't seem to have as much trouble finding your replacement when you go, they know they have plenty of options, so it makes sense that they wouldn't take it as hard.

Then again, it could be that the 'looking beyond the surface' resulted in a deeper emotional connection, which was more difficult to let go of. What do you think? Is it possible the hotties were just using you for sex all along? The nerve!

Are we really waxing philisophically here, or are we just rationalizing superficiality? Not that it matters. We're all entitled to preferences. I'm just curious.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 118 (view)
 
Wierdest things Dates have done!
Posted: 1/12/2011 4:07:33 AM
This thread has been a great read, partly for the humor, but mostly because it makes me appreciate the relative normalcy to my experiences. I've met some very nice people, just no spark. But I did go out with a girl many years ago who would come out of left field every so often. We left a bar one night far too obliterated, and as I'm driving home, I realize she's got her jeans pulled down, fiddling around in the passenger seat. So, (always the gentleman), I ask her if I can help her out with anything, and she asks me if I really really want to, and at that point, I was pretty sure I did. So she says, Sure, why not? and hands me a tampon. Apparently, she was changing it right there in the car. I took a rain check. Some people just ain't right, but man that chick was a great dancer.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
getting to know someone
Posted: 1/11/2011 6:37:00 PM

I would really like a chance to get to know him and to see if something could happen from there
Why not just start out with getting to know him, without the added pressure "seeing if something could happen from there"?

I read your posting history, and it seems like you're putting a lot of pressure on every situation to be more than whatever it is. Sometimes, it's better to plant a seed, and just relax and see if it grows or not. You're a young girl, with plenty of time. You don't have to have a 'relationship" all mapped out with every guy you talk to. Honestly, it's been my experience that the very best stuff in life kind of sneaks up on us, while we thought we were doing something else.

If this guy is in your classes, that's the perfect opening to chat him up about what's going on in class, then let the conversation develop from there.

And sweetie... I don't care how cute he is. If you've never spoken to him, you have no idea if you 'like' him or not. You just know you like the way he looks. Big difference.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
New Girl same name as EX!
Posted: 1/11/2011 4:17:35 PM
Eh, it's one of those little pieces of useless trivia that you should mention casually, at some point. She'll probably find out eventually, when she meets your friends or family. When she does, if you haven't mentioned it, she'll wonder if there's some reason you're keeping it a secret. I don't think it's something that requires "Sit down, we need to talk" ... that would be wierd too. Just randomly toss it out there in a casual way, then leave it at that. It you don't see it as a big deal, chances are she won't either.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 442 (view)
 
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/11/2011 4:08:06 PM
I would be surprised if he hasn't been banned. He had himself all worked up a few days ago, hot and heavy in several threads, then just went silent. I'd say he's either on a mandatory vacation, or his poor little brain exploded. Is the first warning a three day ban? If so, he'll be back soon.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How Many Chances if a Man Doesn't Keep his Word
Posted: 1/11/2011 3:51:36 PM
I would think one time should be enough to let him know how much you didn't like it. It's just as easy to say "I'm not sure when I'll call again" as it is to say "I'll call you tomorrow". People either understand the concept of basic common courtesy, or they don't. I can't speak for you, but at my age, I have way more interesting things to be teaching someone.

Don't second guess yourself, my dear. You have no reason to settle.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
He is marrying the other woman today, and I don't know how to get over it.
Posted: 1/11/2011 3:27:44 PM
That must be a bitter pill to swallow. I'm sure there's nothing that can be said that would even seem adequate at this time.

I know what's happening feels bad, but I imagine it would feel worse to realize you had actually married such a callous bete noire. You've seen his true spirit, and it sounds pretty hideous. She's still trying furiously to pretend it's something else, selling herself on an illusion. The hardest part is over for you, but her darkest days are yet to come.

Hurt and angry? Who wouldn't be? But my dear, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You expected another human being to treat you decently, and this one was obviously damaged in some way that prevented that from happening. That's not a reflection of you.

I think you should go buy your intuition a ring, or something equally fabulous, as a thank you for watching out for you, and a reminder to trust yourself above all others in the future. Even with the painful aspects, you still have something to celebrate. Someone else sold their soul to the devil today, but you? Yours was released from the shackles that kept you locked into dysfunction with a man that treated you like shit. Freedom's never free, my dear, but in your case, a few tears is a small price to pay.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Make a good wife????
Posted: 1/11/2011 12:31:31 PM

So my question is this. Are men still seen as incapable of managing home economics?
Should they be offended ? Would a woman be offended by the same comment?
Wouldn't it just be appropriate to leave out the good wife part?
Does this phrase also indicate that a husband doesn't do these things?
Really? All that? Obviously is was nothing more than an age old cliche, a tongue in cheek reference to "traditional" roles that were expected of men and women back in the fifties. Just like people say women who earn more than their husbands "wear the pants in the family".

It didn't mean she saw you as incapable, or that she thought there was something wrong with you managing household economics. It simply meant she thought you were a good cook, and she felt close enough to you to give you some good natured ribbing. I think the only people (men or women) who would be offended by this comment are people who are looking for something to be offended about. Is there something about her that bothers you, and gives you the inclination to nitpick?


In my many years of working around food I have witnessed guys who cook for a living yet shy away from doing it at home.
In my line of work I meet people in all types of professions. As a general rule, most people don't want to come home and do the same thing they've been doing at work all day. I know mechanics who won't work on their own cars until they leave the wife sitting beside the road a few times, cleaning ladies who would be ashamed to let you into their own house, and professional musicians who get annoyed when everyone who comes over expects them to break out the guitar immediately. I also know many high level executive men who are magnificent cooks, which their wives not only acknowledge, but appreciate very much.

It's not a stigma, or another saga in the war between the genders. Some people enjoy cooking, and they're really good at it, and others don't, and it has nothing to do with their genitalia.

When I met my wife, she was a single mother (her husband had been killed in a car accident when their son was just a few months old). She had a high school girlfriend who was still in college, staying in her spare room. My wife was working full time, and her friend helped out with her son, and did most of the cooking and laundry, in exchange for room and board. When she first introduced us, she said "I'd like you to meet my wife, Melanie". I thought it was adorable, and it was a running joke between us through the years. I always thought it was unfair that Mel wasn't my wife too, by virtue of our marriage ?!

But seriously, it was simply a corny way of giving you a compliment. I wouldn't try to turn it into something else.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 438 (view)
 
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/9/2011 5:04:58 PM

I've often wondered what would happen if divorcing couples had their children taken into custody as wards of the court, and placed in institutions,with BOTH parents required to contribute financially to the childs' keep, what would happen to the divorce rate. Would kids be better living in an institutional setting with other kids from divorced couples, rather than being pawns in the middle of an ongoing battle between their divorced parents???
Oh, I know this will never happen but wouldn't it solve the whole child custody/support/visitation thing? EVERYBODY gets treated the same, no battles won not on merit but on who can afford the better lawyer/legal tools, or who can YELL the loudest or is the better liar.
And that's the crux of the issue, in a nutshell. When two people decide to bring a child into the world (and make no mistake ~ EVERY biological parent has made the decision to be that) there's no going back. We can walk away from the people we've slept with, lived with, or even married, and that's the end of that story. Once that connection's been severed, what they do, or who they do it with, is none of our concern any longer. We simply take whatever belongs to us, they take whatever belongs to them, and we each become seperate entities again, each free to make whatever choices we damn well please.

But what about the children? They can't be tossed in the trash, with all the old photos, and remnants of a liason that doesn't exist any more. The can't be cut in half, so we can each take our "fair share" of the pleasure and the responsibility that we obliged ourselves to by creating the child. It seems Cindy may have pointed out the only "fair" course of action: remove the child from both parent's 'possession' and divide the responsibility exactly in half. No one would be contributing more, financially or emotionally to the child than the other. No one would have any advantages over the other in terms of more access, more free time, or whatever strikes them as being 'unfair' about their custodial arrangements. Everything would be perfectly equal. And the child would recieve a specified amount of benefit, nothing less, which is good, but also, nothing more, which to me, kind of sucks. What would make a person begrudge the fact that their child was able to have a bit of an advantage here or there? It just makes no sense to me.

It's an unrealistic scenerio, that's for sure, and I think the harm to the children would far outweigh the benefit the parents would recieve from having the peace of mind of knowing that the entire situation was "fair". It's humorous, actually, that people would demand, or even expect "fairness" in such a complicated circumstance. If it were "fair", it woud likely be the only aspect of their lives that were. Life isn't a kindegarten classroom, with a kind and compassionate overseer, smoothing out all the little toussels, and keeping everything all wonderful and fair. We each get our own set of imperfect circumstances, some that get handed to us, and some we create for ourselves, and we figure out how to work with it, and that's it. Our end result will be based almost entirely on what we're willing to work to achieve.

So when we split from a previous partner, and our biological child or children are involved, what we need to be working out is what each partner needs to be contributing to keep the situation as fair as possible TO THE CHILDREN. Whatever the combined resources of those two parents are, is the only thing that has any relevence in that equation, as far as I'm concerned. And since those two parents are no longer a single entity, one of them needs to be designated as the child's custodian, and the one holding the bottom line responsibility for that child. I agree, it's far more common that this designation has gone to the mother, but I don't think that's an ironclad destiny, and men who would prefer an alternative custody arrangement should absolutely seek one. I hear a lot of bitterness from men who feel the system is slanted against this, but I don't think blaming women, and seething in impotent rage over this inequity serves any valuable purpose. If you think the system is flawed, then you need to be getting involved, lobbying your lawmakers, or better yet, run for office, and get yourself into a position where you have some power to make the changes you feel are necessary to reconcile the inequity. If you're not willing to DO anything about it, then stfu and accept things as they are.

Once the custody has been determined, and each parent's contribution has been established, it doesn't really matter what else the other partner opts to do, because it's no one else's obligation to support other people's children, even if they do share time and space with the child's parent. Additional income in the household of our child's other parent is irrelevent. The child still has TWO biological parents who are obligated to contribute to their well being. If the ex hits the jackpot and moves in with a billionaire, that might result in some additional financial benefit to the child, but it hardly negates the obligation on the part of the child's other biological parent. Why should it? That relationship has nothing to do with him/her. It's not the responsibility of the new love interest to ease the hardship of a biologocal parent. And whatever goes on in the life of a personwho is no longer your partner is simply none of your business. The obligation to the child remains, and is the only thing that's relevent.

And if a non custodial parent has a new child with a new partner, or moves in with a person that already has children of their own, that doesn't change the obligation either. Demanding more under the premise that 'if they can afford to support all those other kids, then they can afford to be giving me more' or demanding to pay less under the premise that 'there are more people looking to me for financial support now than there were then' are weak arguments. The appropriate amount for each parent's contribution to their biological child/ren's support is determined prior to any new developments in either partner's lives, and does not fluctuate based on criteria that comes into play after the fact. If a certain amount was acceptable before whatever new relationships develop in either party's life, those new developments don't change what the biological child is entitled to from their bio parent. And subsequent relationships should be entered into with the knowledge that that obligation exists. If one can't afford to support additional children and uphold the obligation to already existing biological children, then they shouldn't be bringing additional children into the world. If you choose to, then you need to do so with the full understanding that those children may be offered "less" because there was a smaller amount available to offer when they were concieved.

I don't think a non biological parent should ever be financially obligated to a child. Even if they did spend time living as a stepfamily unit. Children have TWO parents, and if one of those parents is a deadbeat, well, that's just the hand they were dealt. Maybe that sounds a litle harsh, but it is reality. Children are far better served if their parents are aware of the importance of being discerning in regard to who we choose to have children with, than they are with the hope that a step parent can be found to pick up the slack in the situations where we're not discerning enough. In all reality, anything offered to them by anyone other than their own two parents is a gift, and should be considered such, freely given, at that person's discretion. The expectation of an ongoing emotional obligation after the fact for children that are not ours is extremely unrealistic, in my opinion. People invest their energy, their emotions, and their finances in whatever they're building in their lives NOW, or for their futures. A child that never was our, and never will be, is simply not part of that. That doesn't mean we couldn't still know them, or care for their well being. But any financial contribution at that point is more of a charitable donation, than an investment in our own lives, or that of our family. And in my opinion, NO ONE should be obligated to that.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 421 (view)
 
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/8/2011 1:50:28 PM

Gr8magic you get a gold star for sitting on your computer on a friday night, while I was out banging.
Out banging, huh? Well, considering the comment you just posted in the other thread:

all women have to offer is a smelly, stinky hole, as often as not it's infected with some dread disease.
it must really suck to be you, right about now then, huh? Best be headin down to the doc, to get you one of them there perscriptions, don't ya think, cowpoker? Git R Done
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Wierd Love Letters
Posted: 1/8/2011 11:40:33 AM

If a woman is dating a guy, wouldn't she know where the guy lives,
Not if he's smart, being as how she's off her meds.

Ok, that was mean, I didn't mean it. But seriously, we don't know what her deal is. Have you pissed anyone off lately, and given them motivation to mess with you? Give one of the neighborhood kids a few bucks to keep an eye out for her, and snap a pic with their cell phone if you want to see who's dropping them off. Or just tape them to the box, with a little note telling her she got the wrong guy. (If she was taking your mail, she'd probably already know it was the wrong box, don't you think?)

Or maybe just go with it for a little while, get your own real life soap opera going on. Write a little note back, and tell her you'd like to forgive her, but you just don't know if you can, the pain is just too raw. Make a heartfelt confession about what happened that time in Vegas. Slip in a little something about the illegitimate love child you had with her sister, while she was away at college, and maybe the life threatening medical condition you just found out you have... you could actually have a lot of fun with this, if you wanted to.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Keys locked in running car
Posted: 1/8/2011 11:10:44 AM
Hmmm, I suppose this will piss you off, but I disagree. The carjacker's goal is simply to seperate the keys from the owner. I imagine if they can manage it with a sweet little smile, and maybe a little peep of cleavage, that would just make things that much easier. It's not out of the realm of possibility that she would have tried to slip the keys discreetly to the kid, while she was fiddling around with her car, and for him to wander off unnoticed to deliver them to another party. Not saying that was her plan, but stranger things have happened.

Last October, there was a kid in VA that simply walked up to a woman's car in broad daylight, and told her to get out. A few years ago, two young ladies approached a man in a restraunt parking lot, directly across from the police station, and forced their way into his car, and actually kidnapped him, made him drive them to the liquor store, then forced him out and went joyriding. Back in February, a 19 year old kid was carjacking a lady, and he just decided to go ahead and rape her, right there in the parking garage, before he kicked her out of the car. Then the little fvcker had the nerve, to drive that same stolen car, back into the same parking garage a week later, to have sex with a 13 year old he had kidnapped. Seriously, who does shit like that? Who would even THINK to do shit like that?

With all due respect, I say never underestimate the criminal element.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Keys locked in running car
Posted: 1/8/2011 10:31:36 AM
According to Bureau of Diplomatic Security, carjackers try to find or get victims into vulnerable situations.

•Stalled or disabled vehicle -Carjackers park on the side of the road or a low traveled area, pretend to have car trouble (usually at night), and wait for someone to stop and offer help. Some even stage an accident and simulate injury. They then force the good samaritan to hand over the keys to their own car.
•Panhandling, fundraising, -Carjackers will sometimes pose as a lost person that needs directions, a homeless person in need of money, someone putting flyers on your car window, all examples of how they can get your guard down and take advantage when no one else is around to help you.
•Bump and Run- Running into a victim’s vehicle from behind, in a pretend “accident“. Victims get out to assess damage or exchange insurance information, carjackers take your car instead.
•Flashing lights- The carjacking driver will flash lights or wave to get a victim’s attention and indicate there is a problem with the victim’s car. When the unsuspecting driver pulls over to inspect their car, the thieves overpower them and take the car.
•Trapping you in your driveway or garage-Many carjackers follow victims home. The thieves will block access to a garage door, home or even sneak into the garage as the door closes.


According to Yelena Pawela, who sits on the Board of Directors of the Police Officers Safety Association and is widely recognized as a personal safety expert:

•Most occur between 8:00 PM and 11:00 PM, half on weekends
•27% of all carjackings happen in December.
•Parking lots are the most common place, followed by city streets, rural areas, residential driveways, car dealerships,and gas stations, especially in high crime areas.


Who knows what new strategies thieves are coming up with these days? But rest assured, they ARE coming up with some. Maybe she wasn't a con artist, and it was just a fluke situation. But there are too many things that are strange about the way she aproached him to say that for sure, in my opinion.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
No more sex???
Posted: 1/8/2011 9:46:11 AM

Then came the time where I married her... k-n-o-w-i-n-g that sex would not very much part of the relationship. Doing this showed me that indeed I loved her for who she was and not what she did :)
When I read this, I get the impression that you felt you did her a favor by marrying her, even though there was already obvious sexual incompatibility. It's as if you percieved her as somehow 'flawed'. I wonder if she sensed that at all? It would be difficult, I think, to maintain a strong level of desire for a person you knew viewed you that way. Sleeping in a seperate room definately indicates that she was not feeling very close to you, emotionally. Have you given any thought to why that might have been? Or do you just attribute that to whatever her 'flaw' was as well, and not give it much thought?

Were X, Y, and Z specifically sexual in nature, indicating that she wasn't getting enough physical stimulation, or were they more like requests for a little more emotional closeness?

I'm not trying to be obnoxious. It's just been my experience that women require a much higher level of emotional intimacy, in order to maintain a strong desire for physical intimacy. There were a couple of periods of time during my marriage that my wife would 'accidentally' fall asleep on the couch, and never make it upstairs, for a few days at a time, and in retrospect, those were definately times when I wasn't making much effort to stay connected to her. I don't think she did that as a manipulative thing, either. I think she just genuinely felt lonely and empty, and at the time, I wasn't really hearing her when she was trying to tell me that, so she would just zone out in front of the tv to distract herself, and end up falling asleep. There's a very strong correlation between emotional connectedness, and sexual desire, for most women, in my opinion.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Can women REALLY get laid whenever they want?
Posted: 1/7/2011 5:48:14 PM
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to agree with your friend on this one, especially since he used the wording "get laid". Getting laid does not carry any qualifying criteria, as far as meeting the standards one would require to consider an ongoing relationship with another. It simply means you're here, I'm here, neither of us has any more pressing obligations at this moment, the necessary genetalia is available on each party, and neither is opposed to doing the deed.

The line of reasoning isn't necessarily that women are in a perpetual state of being propositioned for sex, but more so that vast numbers of men are in a perpetual state of being willing to provide nsa sex, if requested. For nsa sex, the requestor doesn't even need to be particularly attractive, just not hideously repulsive.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Keys locked in running car
Posted: 1/7/2011 5:26:38 PM

I'm pretty sure she was trying to jack the truck, but innocent until proven guilt, eh?
Color me cynical, but I have no doubt she was trying to jack your truck. Why would she think your keys would help her open her car? Why would she ask you for help, but not want help from a security guard, who's been hired specifically for the purpose of helping people? Why would the car's security system be designed to UNLOCK upon sensing that there is no one in the car? None of that makes any sense whatsoever.

Con artists count on people's desire to see the good in others, and give them the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. In doing so, they end up using our very best human instincts against us. Mix that together with the instinct to fix a problem for a damsel in distress, and her poor helpless child, and it's a recipe for disaster.

Just out of curiosity, did you do any research to see if there had been any other carjacking attemps in your area using this type of mo?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Help! What does he want?
Posted: 1/7/2011 4:40:39 PM
No worries, nessy dear... I'm sure he'll give you a little kissy upstairs in his room while he's slipping your shirt off. He can't do it outside on smoke break, silly girl.... other people might see. He won't be wanting any witnesses to be able to speak up when his girlfriend comes around asking questions about who the side dish is she's found texts from on his phone. Think darling. If you're going to step so willingly into the world of the indiscriminate, you'll need to get with the program and assimilate yourself accordingly. You're incognito now, darling, so the only affection you can expect to be well recieved is that which you deliver behind closed doors. In public, you're just the luvstruck teenager, and he, the object of your unrequited idolization. His most trusted confidante may be regaled with the sordid details of those scandalous deeds you're doing when the panties drop, but to everyone else, your schoolgirl crush will simply provide fodder for an endless stream of off color jokes.

The ladies, should they catch wind that there might be any truth to the rumors, will be delighted to have a new subject to gossip about. Don't expect to hear anything directly from the hens, as 'proper' ladies don't make it a practice to associate themselves with young 'harlots', just know from the tightlipped smiles, and the disapproving glares burning holes into your back as you pass, that the whispered exchanges that stopped short as you approached were, indeed, about you, as were the giggles that erupted after you passed.

The men, on the other hand, will be falling all over themselves to have a few laughs with you, heady with anticipation at the possibility that the rumors may be true. Prepare yourself for a dramatic increase in your popularity, because there's never any shortage of willing volunteers to give a lonely young girl some much needed clandestine affection, once they learn she's on the market for such. Of course, they will assume that you understand the 'rules of engagement' so don't expect any pda's when you step out for a ciggy with them either. Romantic gestures that others might notice are strictly reserved for their wives and girlfriends, the women they aren't ashamed to take home to meet their family, the women they deem worthy to raise their children, and engage in respectable relationships with. The little bit on the side, not so much... Your purpose will be very limited in his life, and the consideration shown to you will most definately reflect that.

It will be difficult, after demonstrating such a lack of self respect or integrity, to find a young man who could seriously consider a long term reltionship with you, as most men view other men's cum dumpsters as 'damaged goods', and don't want their children to be raised by such women, but you should have no trouble filling your schedule with a series of short term liasons, as many will still see fit to put your skill set to good use, on a short term basis.

If you decide to do this, I hope the young man reems you senseless, and absolutely rocks your world, because otherwise, I can't see how it would possibly be worth what it's likely to cost you. The question you need to be asking, young lady, is what do YOU want, for yourself, then make sure whatever action you take is in line with that desire.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 416 (view)
 
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/7/2011 2:55:18 PM

gr8magic you have to be the most toxic, self-hating man i've ever met.
Somewhat delusional, don't you think, to refer to a stranger who happens to be posting in the same forum as someone you've 'met'? I guess that's not too surprising, considering some of the other bizarre notions you've cooked up in that twisted little mind. FYI, I have a family, and my ex wife is one of the most amazing people I've ever known. I date women from time to time, I'm simply exploring another avenue at this time. I have no idea what gave you the impression that I would actually give a flying fvck what you think about that, but let me assure you, I do not. Even if we had actually ever 'met' , your obvious mysogyny and homophobia belies so much irrational hostility and narrow mindedness, it would negate any potential credibility or value to whatever sludge makes it's way out of that gaping hole peeking out from under that masculinity quantifier you're lugging around. It does make one wonder who it is you're feeling the need to convince of your superior machismo, the ladies or yourself? But again, the answer is irrelevent to me, so if it makes you feel like a 'real man', rock it, the best you can.

I noticed you didn't dispute the information in my post, or say anything at all in defense of those 'polite, traditional' women you profess to adore. How profoundly sad for those third world women, that even the 'men' who place them on their pedestals as superior to anglo women, acknowledge that they do so simply because these women accept their 'traditional' role as subservient, and acknowledge their inferiority to any piece of crap with a penis. A refusal to do so constitutes proof in your mind that men are hated in this society? I can see how that theory might be easier to swallow than the idea that it's you, personally, being rejected universally by the female population of an entire country, and I highly doubt that you could find a single woman in this country who would feel they were adversely affected by your removal from their dating pool, so you there's no point in any further debate. So have a nice trip, pimp daddy, and I sincerely hope your $24 an hour therapy does miracles to ease your suffering, and restore your battered ego. God knows no one could ever be a rock star like that in this country for that price.

Just out of morbid curiosity though, how does such a vitriolic rant from a childess tool who freely acknowldedges that he can't even get laid in this country, so there's zero possibility that he would ever be in a position to experience the issue that is the topic of debate, have any relvence to this thread?


you hate women more than anyone!
says the same genius who so brilliantly deduces that no woman will sleep with him because they're all such indiscriminate sluts. I am humbled to have "met" such legendary intellectual prowess.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 110 (view)
 
When your date is a clepto!
Posted: 1/7/2011 4:58:58 AM

It's not like she was gobbling his schlong......
Perhaps that's why he stole her necklace?

Just kidding, OP. But honestly, unless you actually saw him take it, it's extremely unfair to make an accusation like that. I was at a gathering once where the hostess went ballistic when she noticed one of the guests wearing a pendant that belonged to her. She demanded the guest remove it and return it to her at once, which of course, the guest refused to do, and left amidst a lot of tears and screaming. A lot of gossip ensued, judgements were passed, then lo and behold, the hostess discovered her pendant in the sink drain, while she was rinsing off some dishes. Apparently it had slipped off while she was preparing the hors d'oeuvres. Guess who the hens are gossiping about now?
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Hints are NOT synonymous with being straightforward!
Posted: 1/7/2011 4:35:01 AM

Funny, considering the roughly dozen people who know about this situation in person have all agreed with me
Of course they did, Sweetie.... They know you know where they live....


Your lives are exemplary of why this is not advice to be taken seriously
Yes, ladies, you should all be taking notes, to guide you towards experiencing the extraordinarily successful results our young OP has.

And here we thought our own children were the only ones who noticed our profound stupidity.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What would you consider worse???
Posted: 1/7/2011 1:32:15 AM

She of course blames me for me the whole thing.... Can somebody or anybody find the logic in this??
She also felt boinking other people was perfectly acceptable. Clearly, her logic is distorted and self centered. Once someone reveals that little tidbit about themselves, there's no sense in trying to reconcile anything else that comes out of their mouth. Their credibility is completely shot.

People of integrity don't deserve to have their privacy invaded, but these days, it's getting awfully hard to determine who those people are. Trust, but verify is a safe rule of thumb, especially with a new relationship. But once someone's trustworthiness has been verified to your satisfaction, it's time to place your confidence in that trust. It's not healthy to spend a lifetime digging through trash cans. If they've earned your trust, give it to them freely, and have a little faith in your own judgement.
 gr8magic
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 409 (view)
 
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/6/2011 4:16:45 PM

Women outside the anglosphere tend to be polite and traditional, not whores like here.
Hmmm, I suppose that's why 80,000 women in the philippines are treated in hospitals every year for complications from induced abortion ~ and that's just the ones who are brave enough to go to the hospital, given the fact that abortion isn't even legal there. I wonder what will happen to that number now that the US has stopped supplying the country with birth control, as we have for the last thirty years? But hey, at least they're 'polite' enough to murder them, rather than raise them as single moms.

Another fun little factoid: the number of prostitutes in the philippines is equal to the number of people employed in the manufacturing workforce of the entire country. That's right people, over 500,000 'polite, traditional' little sweethearts to choose from, at any given hour. No wonder it's so popular, when a week long 'adventure tour' highlighting the local 'culture' can be purchased for the paltry sum of $1695, air fare and accomodations included. The entertainment costs extra, but at $24 per hour, it remains a fabulous bargain, well within the range of affordability for even the most budget conscous of joebleauxs. Now THAT'S a polite tradition!
 
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