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 Author Thread: Is trafficking cocaine a deal breaker?
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Is trafficking cocaine a deal breaker?
Posted: 10/4/2013 12:08:58 AM

I don't want to drag anybody into anything.


The sad reality, is that while you may consider your offense "non-violent", it is certainly not "victim-less". The people that you were selling to may have made the initial choice to use the drugs you sold, but guaranteed not all of them were going to the bank after their 9-5 job to get the money to pay you for product.

How many people had their homes or businesses broken into by someone looking to get cash to pay YOU. How many people buried their loved one because of an overdose of product they bought from YOU? or were killed in a car accident by someone who was high off product bought from YOU?...just a few examples.

While it seems like just a little laugh and inconvenience to you right now, see what happens when you try to visit another country and are rejected because of your conviction. Your profile says you coach sports...if you coach sports in this province (BC) you have to pass a criminal record check...isn't it the same in Ontario?

Yeah, it's not just the house arrest that's a deal breaker. It's also the crime that took you that point.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Is house arrest a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/29/2013 12:12:20 PM

Keep in mind I live in Canada, there are no ankle braclets or check ups,


You're going to have people thinking that you've been confined to an igloo with this statement.

Of course there are ankle bracelets and monitoring in Canada. My relative's son lost his license for a year AND was on house arrest WITH an ankle bracelet and monitoring (allowed only to go to work and back home) for six months. He had a ridiculously bad driving record. No impaired charges...but so many tickets, and pages of driving offences that they wanted him off the road.

Absolutely a deal breaker for me. Likely a deal breaker for most women.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Do I end a toxic relationship even though we still love each other?
Posted: 9/23/2013 8:03:53 PM

Do I end a toxic relationship


absolutely yes.


even though we still love each other?


This is NOT love. It's manipulation and mistrust...and possibly some ugly STD's if you're not being careful.

You're embarking on a career that requires having your brain in the game. WHY would you accept a partnership with anyone who is attempting to derail your future rather than encourage your success?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Confused by my Friends with benefits behaviour
Posted: 9/23/2013 7:54:22 PM
Personally, this type of relationship would always be confusing for me; and from reading the forums, it might be confusing for most.

The most consistent thing I read about FWB and FB is that

it seems that it's always fun until someone loses an "I" and
wants to be a "we"....

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
6 months talking, still haven't met
Posted: 9/22/2013 1:23:53 PM

Any advice would be appreciated.


This is a girl that you're never going to meet, so it would be wise for you to cease all contact.

She is not going to leave her boyfriend for you, and she will be under no hardship financially because there are likely more than a couple of men who have been sending her money.


Question is, if there wasn't anything there, why would she continue to keep calling? You would think because of the $ right? but I mean the amount of $ I've given is nothing compared to what it cost for her to live


She DOES and WILL continue calling for the money. There are NO funerals, expenses for looking after relatives, car accidents, etc. These scenarios are created to gain your sympathy and pull at your wallet strings.

I hope that you WILL cease contact and block this person from your life.

Look for someone who is willing to meet and spend time getting to know you in person.

Don't give ANYONE money. If they ask, or hint, let them know that you don't have extra funds to give away...and move on.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Is it reasonable to expect women you meet online to share the driving?
Posted: 7/20/2013 4:47:24 PM

I don't think it's fair to expect one person to do all the ....


Then communicate that to the lady up front. You can set as many boundaries as you want around what you find as "reasonable", "fair", "expectations". The lady may counter with a few of her own.

The reality, is that you are the one that lives in the rural area, hence fewer online dating possibilities. If your potential date lives in a more populated area, and has more potential dates to select from, deciding what is "fair" or "reasonable" may mean something entirely different her.

Most relationships/friendships/partnerships have some aspect where one gives more than the other. It's not just about driving distance and who pays for what, those are really small parts of a whole as far as a relationship is concerned.

Expecting a "fair" or even split in every aspect just creates resentment. Decide what's most important to you. Figuring out if you're compatible in the "whole" picture is what "dating" determines....yes?

And yes, on a personal note, I will drive half way for a first meet.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Can't read this gal
Posted: 6/18/2013 10:51:07 PM
Next time, call a woman with a plan. Don't text her, don't ask what the "odds" are that she's free...invite her to join you for a specific activity on a specific day.

Oh, and don't wait a few days for the followup text...if you're both interested, she'll be pleased to hear from you the next day.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
I was losing interest, then he called.
Posted: 6/18/2013 10:39:17 PM

I think you should phone him and apologize to him for your high-maintenance, passive-aggressive, princess-like behavior---and for expecting him to be clairvoyant.


+500

You've met 3 times. If you're not interested in carrying it further, put your big girl panties on and let the man know. For goodness sakes, he's made every effort to contact you to ensure that you're actually not in distress of some sort.

I am revoking your woman card for callous behaviour towards another human.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Ex is getting married, and he never told us
Posted: 6/18/2013 10:28:25 PM
Oy vay. I could fill a book here. I am a "birth" mother, as well as ... yes, I'll say it ... the dreaded "step"mother...

Here are some bottom lines from my experience.

Whilst your child is with her father, he makes the decisions for her care and you have to learn to trust in his love for his daughter and that he will do his best for her.

Most children go through a period of resentment and confusion when they realize that mommy and daddy are not going to get back together.

Please be the mother that encourages her child to have a happy fun relationship with her stepmother during those times they are together. What a gift to have another woman to love her and encourage her.

Part of your job is to instill in her that yes, daddy has a wife; however, that does not reduce the space in his heart for her...in the least. Things will change, but there will always be change in other aspects of her life as well.

Do not continue building resentment towards her daddy for the breakdown of YOUR marital relationship. No matter who is/was at fault...the ONLY thing she needs is the knowledge that she is unconditionally loved in BOTH of your homes.

Her dad and his wife-to-be have created a place of honor for your shared daughter in their most special day. Teach her to embrace that...and help her to put together some special gifts to take with her ... help her to be excited about the day and how wonderful it is that she is going to play such a special and central role.

It's up to you to arm her with as many positives as you possibly can. Encourage her to talk to the "bride" on one of those web-cam conversations, so that she can ask questions about exactly what her role will be on the wedding day. Let her be excited about it, and build her up so that she isn't feeling awkward or anxious.

You don't have a say in what their family life will be when she is with them. Expect the best for her, and allow her to enjoy the first of many journeys she will take without you...there will be more as she grows.

Your job is to strengthen her and lovingly encourage her to fly.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Uhm.... yea.
Posted: 6/18/2013 12:14:57 PM
How very nice for you! Your schedule isn't difficult to figure out...but it's likely a friend who's enjoying helping you out AND enjoying watching you try to solve the mystery.

What is the saying about not looking a gift-horse in the mouth?...and he's already taken the credit. Go on, send the lad and his horse a couple of pies!!

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Fridge running cold....ideas?
Posted: 6/18/2013 12:09:30 PM
I was going to suggest it might have something to do with having teenagers who like to stare inside the open fridge, waiting for something "good" to assemble itself, or jump into their hands...

multiply those occurences over the course of a day and you may have at least part of your answer to the ice build-up!

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Will he change?
Posted: 6/18/2013 11:10:31 AM
^^^^
LilliMarleen is dead on with this statement.


I was at the point of just breaking up with him


Find your way back to this place and just do it.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Is she playing games or am I overthinking it?
Posted: 6/18/2013 10:14:37 AM
I'm interested to know how you "inadvertantly" found out about the visit. If she didn't tell you...what's the real story here?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How to Win Him Back
Posted: 6/18/2013 10:11:11 AM
SPA-LASH!!

Now re-think your responses where you said "no thanks". Unless you're seeing real progress with someone, and you've verified that it's mutual AND you agree to only see each other, you are under NO obligation to justify or explain how or where you spend your time.

You answer only to yourself.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
emotionally damaged
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:59:25 AM
Is there a way i can spot a emotionally damaged women kind of like a red flag?


^^^^
bwah ha ha ha ha!

Well ladies, should we let him in on the magic marker on sale at Walmart that uncovers the forehead "flag" of emotionally damaged women? Or that it doesn't just show red (worst case), it shows all levels of damage (by color), and a green check mark for "good to go"?? FFS

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Why don't some guys get it when you say 'I only see you as a friend'?
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:53:24 AM

Why don't some guys get it when you say 'I only see you as a friend'?


Quite possibly because those are not the words you used.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Can't figure her out
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:51:45 AM
Just stop it. You're enjoying the role of white knight, but she's no damsel in distress.

If she's been in a rocky relationship for a long time, she's getting SOMETHING out of it, or she'd bet getting OUT of it.

You've got a fantasy in your head. It's YOUR motivations that you have to "figure out". This is a woman who has shown you who she is when she's unhappy in a relationship...don't think that she's going to change her m/o if she becomes unhappy in a "newer" relationship.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Relocating For The Over 45 Crowd.....
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:25:02 AM
I love where I live, and those that I love, live within an hour's drive. I'm not seeing relocation as part of my future plans.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Why are there so many women my age who want a biker?
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:16:32 AM
Not a matter of wanting a biker, or that owning a bike is necessary, in lots of cases.

It's an enjoyable mode of transportation on a nice day, and you're rarely unable to find parking even at well attended events.

Personally, I enjoy a cruise to the ocean, lakes or a pretty drive up the windy mountain roads. All are close by in my area and make a great day trip!

Oh, yeah, and I have cute riding gear...because I can.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Is this guy dateable?
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:02:50 AM

has no ambition to do anything else except "win the lottery so he can start his own band"


Meh, then he met you and he didn't even have to buy a ticket. Oh that life should be so effortless. Then again, if you are interested in a partner that makes no effort, maybe it's a win/win....no?

Just remember, once you get tired of that lazy a$$ hanging on your couch, try digging it out....that type of weed grows quick roots and is stubborn as he11 to get rid of.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
How do I stop being extremely Jealous and overly insecure?
Posted: 6/14/2013 6:47:31 AM

How do I stop being extremely Jealous and overly insecure?


Decide if you're willing to add disrespectful, sneak and liar (by omission of not telling that you've checked her phone) to your repertoire.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
New love advice.
Posted: 6/11/2013 6:26:53 AM
You definitely need to take a deep breath and slow down.

Over the past weekend you spent alot of time together in a condensed period of time. She may just need to get things done that were put aside, or is just needing a bit of a breather.

Leave off the messaging for a day or two...stop blowing up her phone.

In a couple of days, invite her to your local for a pint and dinner. Keep it casual, no pressure and fun. Let her take the lead as to whether it's going to be an early night...or you are invited in...after your meal.

Is it possible for you to let the relationship develop without attaching labels like girlfriend or boyfriend? at least for a while?

Instead of stressing and obsessing, can you just focus on the enjoyment of each others' company? You've definitely let her know that you're interested. It's nice that she doesn't have to wonder about that...however, you need to relax a bit in your communication so that she doesn't feel smothered.

It's okay to miss each other a little so that you can look forward to seeing each other again...ya know?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How do I get over an uniterested friend?
Posted: 6/9/2013 11:48:18 AM
Easiest thing? I don't know about that.

If you have feelings of self-loathing because you're seeing this person, what is your motivation for saying "yes" when he calls? The reality is that you are using each other for SOME purpose, or you wouldn't keep getting together.

The BEST thing you could do is take control back and delete him out of your life permanently. You are not obligated to spend time with someone if the result is negative feelings within yourself.

Being single does not mean that you are "alone". You have choices around how you spend your time, and the people who you spend your time with. Choose positive people who have the same interests, for a start.

MrsF

Edit: If he is saying ugly things to you and you keep going back, you are allowing him input as to how you feel about yourself. That's just sickening.

Stop it now and remove him from your life.

 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Did I blow a date I didn't know I was on?
Posted: 5/31/2013 2:25:42 PM
If she's a friend, as you say, and you've noticed a change in your communication, just ask her if you've said or done something to offend her.

She can choose to answer honestly, or not. Then you decide how you should proceed.

Sometimes people have other things going on in their lives (or their heads). You don't know what you don't know.
Unless you ask.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/27/2013 12:45:44 PM
Why all the haste?


MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
We don't use condoms anymore.. But she keeps her stash
Posted: 5/27/2013 12:38:27 PM
...OP has closed his account.

Maybe the girlfriend was checking HIS online history....karma...


MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Am I being scammed?
Posted: 5/14/2013 1:45:56 AM
SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM



this is what you will do, as soon as you get the check get it deposit into your bank account immediately and as soon as the fund is available so you can deduct $180 for gas and running around from the money and send the rest of the money via Money Gram Money Transfer or Western Union Money Transfer. to our newly created office.


SCAM. The cheque will bounce, and you will be out $1800.00 (plus any charges for the transfer and penalties for depositing a cheque with insufficient funds).

A REAL company would NEVER ask a stranger (you've only been "pretend" hired. you don't really have a job) to deposit any type of cheque and then send a money transfer to one if its OWN COMPANY'S branches.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 38 (view)
 
I'm a damn mess-sucked into the drama, need help out. (Long)
Posted: 5/13/2013 7:28:13 PM
Bottom line...you're both addicted to the chase.

Being chased makes you feel desired, wanted, needed. You just don't like what happens once you're caught by him.

He enjoys the chase, getting what he wants from you, then loses interest.

Until you're tired of the merry-go-round, there's not much to be done.

You can ask people to push you off the ride, but you're going to keep jumping back on, bloody knees and all, until it stops being fun.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Dont know what to do
Posted: 5/9/2013 5:52:03 PM
Your heading "don't know what to do" isn't true. You've joined this dating site in the last few days.

You've already decided that you're moving on, which is right choice.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Soo I feel like I want to cry but somehow I cant even get my eyes to respond
Posted: 5/9/2013 12:01:58 PM
I had a peek at your profile, and the "following of the principles of Zarathushtra" struck a chord.

I recently watched a very interesting documentary about Zoroastrianism and came to understand that there are very tight communities around the world with this belief system.

Is it possible that you would have greater success in meeting someone within the community that shares and understands your beliefs?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Should I date yet?
Posted: 5/8/2013 9:08:52 AM
I would agree that dating should be on the back burner for you...for quite a while.

There is more that has to change than "activity" in your addiction. You have to spend some serious time in sobriety with really strong, stable, sober, MALE mentors so that you can learn to completely change your basic thought process and develop new mechanisms to assist you in coping with day to day life and life's challenges.

Yes, I said Male mentors. I'm not talking about a Male sponsor in your AA program. I'm talking about someone completely outside of the program that you can respect and take direction from, when it's offered...without excuses.
This someone is going to have expectations from you that are not wrapped around the AA program. These are the expectations that will befall you in the world outside of AA. This person can help you navigate OUTSIDE of addict thinking.

Don't get me wrong. AA can be a great support program. It just can't be your ONLY support...just like your Mom and Sister can't be your only non-AA support.

I'm telling you this because I was married to an alcoholic, who abstained from alcohol, but because he refused to work on his thought processes, behaviours, and coping mechanisms, he eventually traded his addiction for hard drugs. You note I said WAS married...

Friendships are great, inside and outside of AA. Develop those, and practice healthy relationship behaviour with them.

Successfully gaining and maintaining employment is also more important than a "love" relationship. This is a huge factor in your own stability...meeting expectations, having independence, gaining self-confidence are going to take serious focus.

Once you have your basics covered, and if you work on developing new skills and thought processes you will actually have YOU to offer in a relationship. THAT will be the real gift you offer...be patient so that you can offer the BEST you.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Guns, guns, guns..
Posted: 5/8/2013 8:05:25 AM
If you enjoy going to the shooting range, then by all means show a picture of you at the shooting range.

Your picture shows you in the KITCHEN with a gun thrown over your shoulder. Ever heard that song...one of these things just doesn't belong here?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 27 (view)
 
How does one let things go?
Posted: 5/8/2013 6:16:06 AM

Anyways, this all stemmed from her going out for drinks after school with her TA and the guy that the TA dates who just so happens to be this dude.


This is confusing. ^^^

Are you saying that your girlfriend went on a date with her TA's boyfriend? ... and the TA's boyfriend is texting your girlfriend?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Mother abducting child
Posted: 4/28/2013 10:49:57 AM
There is a BC family where the mother moved with the children, hundreds of miles from the father and paternal grandparents, without notice.

Those children are now back (per court judgement) with the father, who along with the paternal grandparents took the matter to family court. The court decided that it was to the benefit of the CHILDREN that they be returned.

Your son will have to prove himself and his case in court, and it is definitely a benefit if you (grandparent) are present and offering a visible and viable supportive role to his parenting of the child.

Definitely a lawyer specializing in Family Law will be your best ally in this situation.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Young adult children from his/her marriage
Posted: 4/28/2013 9:57:51 AM
Given that when my past husband and I were together we had a similar family dynamic when we started (he with 2 kids, me with 1), I would do the following:

1. Check the financial laws regarding common-law relationships. If your common-law partner passes and has incurred debt whilst you are together, you may find that you are responsible for the new mortgage and/or other debts incurred to put this newly purchased home together. In my province the laws have recently changed, and at a certain point in the relationship, all debt incurred becomes "family debt".

2. Sell the old family home and purchase a new home together that belongs to both of you. If one of you passes, the other still has a home. It's ridiculous, in my mind, that you would create a home together, that you will both contribute to, and not have a better end-plan. Yes, there should be an end-plan...we couldn't forsee at the beginning that my husband would pass at 52. The family home should be a place of security for BOTH of you if tragedy strikes.

3. Each of you purchase an insurance policy that becomes the inheritance for your child/children if you pass. This way the family home stays intact, and because the children have an inheritance (again check the laws), it makes it difficult, if not impossible for any contesting of the will(s).

4. If the 22 year old has been put on notice that he has to move out, then it makes sense that he and the 21 year old, who both have a lifestyle that conflicts with yours (drugs, etc) are told that they must find their own place(s) to live. You can certainly help them out by filling up their pantry now and again, inviting them for meals, and assisting with "feathering" their nest without allowing them to create havoc in your home. This type of support can also help create a more positive relationship between the parents/young adults...as long as you don't start paying their bills.

5. You and Dad have to be on the same page regarding ALL of your children ... period. At this point, you are not dealing with children, you are dealing with adults.

Best to all of you,
MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Once a cheater...
Posted: 4/21/2013 11:33:21 AM

I'm just worried that he will fall into the same patterns when time gets tough.


Unfortunately, once you "know" something, you can't "un-know" it.

You mention being worried a number of times in your post. Will you be able to let go of the worry over time, or are you willing to have a worrisome relationship?

If he does earn your trust, will you be forever worried that he will cheat and betray that trust?

Dunno what you'll decide. This situation wouldn't be for me though.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Cuddle vs. Snuggle
Posted: 4/20/2013 1:17:25 PM
Interchangeable words in my view.

How would you feel if your S/O asked if you wanted a snog? Would THAT put you off?


Noun 1. snogging - (British informal) cuddle and kiss
caressing, cuddling, fondling, hugging, kissing, petting, smooching, snuggling, necking - affectionate play (or foreplay without contact with the genital organs)


MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is this guy being genuine with me?
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:18:02 PM
That "feeling" you have that something is "off" is your intuition. Trust it.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
exclusive talk on first date
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:57:12 AM
I don't know that you're actually "hearing" what's been said in the other posts. No-one has told you to stick with him and see where it goes, nor have they said to forget about meeting others, if that's what you'd really like to do.

What *I* am hearing, is that
a. if you are unclear about his meaning when he said "tell them you're seeing someone"... maybe you should clarify that with HIM.
b. if you're not ready to be exclusive with someone, don't agree to it.
c. if you still want to meet other men, in addition to continuing to date him, you may want to be honest with him about your feelings.

Did I get it right posters?

I hope so, because I agree that one meeting should not equal exclusivity, especially if that's not what you want. What's a shot at an LTR, if he's not "checking your boxes"...so to speak? Send out the photos to the other men you are in contact with. You've met this fellow once. It does not a relationship make.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why favorite me, call me, then stand me up?
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:26:59 AM
^^^ ummmm, that's actually the TV remote, isn't it?
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why favorite me, call me, then stand me up?
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:50:39 AM
"I" think he was on his way to the phone to ring you, and in his excitement slipped, fell, and is now in traction in the hospital.

Give him a few days, once he regains conciousness, the first thing he'll do is call you from his hospital bed.

Or maybe not. But it's a better story than the others.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Would being a virgin / inexperienced to dating matter?
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:26:53 AM
If you search the threads here, you'll find that you are FAR from being the only (or oldest) person in your situation...which really isn't a "situation" at 20.

You're at just the right stage in your life to start dating...because you're ready.

Virginity isn't abnormal...it's a natural state that changes....when you're ready.

Any jitters you have on your very first date, could easily be attributed to the fact that it's your first date with THAT person, and they may be feeling the same way.

Anyways, there's no need to declare your dating or sexual status to anyone. Just be open to meeting new people and always be prepared for safe sex.


MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
First date at her friend's birthday.
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:01:54 AM
If you're set on going as you've mentioned in your follow-up post, ask her to meet you a little earlier than the others will be arriving. It'll give you a chance to chat a bit, and then you can determine if you'd like to stay to meet the friends.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Wandering eyes
Posted: 4/12/2013 4:46:31 AM

I feel somewhat annoyed at her behavior. i find it rather confusing and somewhat belittiling to myself?


^^^from your original post.

If you indeed have accepted that you are only friends, and will remain only friends, why are you annoyed, CONFUSED and feeling belittled? If you were out with a male friend would you feel the same way? If so, why?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:15:53 PM
^^^
...and we're off! Popcorn anyone?
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
I was wondering when you get the feeling that you're being taken for granted
Posted: 4/5/2013 5:31:04 PM
There are two sides to being taken for granted....good and not so good.

There is an assumption, expectation or a "given" that certain things or people will be available when we want or need them.

Often times there is a precedent set in the relationship or over a lifetime with regards to these assumptions.
1. Some we have grown up with, and they provide a sense of security. (eg. parent will always love me)
2. Some we have seen repeatedly, so we expect it will always be that way.(eg. paycheck arrives on time)
3. Some we set up ourselves and allow others to expect (eg. preparing Sunday brunch every week)

Bottom line for me is, there are some times that our efforts aren't appreciated...just expected...and others where we have to set boundaries...and have them respected.

I think that it's awesome that my family will take it for granted that I love them. They have a sense of security around that, and that's a good thing.

I wouldn't be so happy about my children taking for granted that I will be available to babysit on a weekend and make plans around such without talking to me first....because they are NOT respecting that my time is my own and that I may already have plans...not a good thing.

Setting boundaries and expectations seems to be the best way to avoid feeling that we're being taken for granted, or to address the times that we begin to feel that way.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Help from Ex wife
Posted: 4/5/2013 5:04:32 PM
This is definitely an exact reincarnation of a thread that must have been deleted.

OP, your boyfriend explained what his business was with his ex-wife...that it was about a business matter she was assisting him with, and you chose not to believe him. That's your choice.

You can't control who others speak to, or who contacts them. Going through his phone would have been a deal-breaker for most people. It would have been for me, if I was in his shoes.

He's right. You are his girlfriend, not his wife. He has laid down a boundary that there are some things that you are not entitled to know at this point in your relationship. Carry on with your jealous nature, and you will find yourself without this guy, while he enjoys his new cabin on the lake.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Will he call me again or ask me out?
Posted: 4/2/2013 6:06:49 AM
^^^continuation from another thread by the OP re the same guy.

OP, why not invite him to meet you for lunch ? He's called you, so turn-around is fair play.

Oh, and Wolfie looks like he's offering up a date...NOW what are you gonna do?!?

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
ex common-law stepfather
Posted: 3/29/2013 1:46:38 AM
As of this month there have been some major changes to family law in BC. Have a look at this link

http://www.bclaws.ca/EPLibraries/bclaws_new/document/LOC/freeside/--%20F%20--/Family%20Law%20Act%20SBC%202011%20c.%2025/00_Act/11025_07.xml#section147

and search stepparent. A family resource centre is NOT going to be your best place for advice. If you are really serious, contact a lawyer who specializes in family law.

You would be wise to note that you may be in the fight of your life with regards to access...from the mother as well as the father. He may not have a significant role in their life at this time, but he has every right to have a say and put the kybosh on your request for access.

I understand the connection when you've developed a relationship with a child, but what happens if next month you meet another woman with children and date HER for three years. Are you going to fight her and the father for access in that case as well?

When you break up with someone, it's pretty normal to have to break up with their family as well. Sometimes (like in your instance) you have a real connection and it sucks, big time, but you have to also look at it as if you were in her situation. Would you want a forever relationship with an exgirlfriend over access to the children you fathered with another woman? Especially if you had no desire to maintain a friendship with her? When does it get to be too much for everyone, including the children? How will they feel if you father children of your own? Will they fit into your life then?...they'll feel it because your priorities HAVE to change.

The court will make a decision based ONLY on what is in the best interest of the children. It has nothing to do with your connection to them, or the fact that they are sad when they have to go home. They may be a bit sad for a little while, but in all honesty if you had moved away for a job, they would have to say goodbye then, wouldn't they?

I wish you the best, I don't think your "wierd" for wanting to maintain your connection, and I would encourage you to rethink this matter and the long-term repercussions for the children.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dating Ex-Spouse
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:59:03 PM
If you can agree to casual dating, knowing that it won't go any further, then enjoy each other's company.

He has set his boundaries very clearly. If he decides that he wants to adjust his boundaries and develop something more with you, then you'll have to have a serious heart to heart, right?


I have told him that it's all up to him now and that I can't and won't call him ...he asked if he could call me? ... yes


Excellent response by you. Just remember, that if the casual dating is never going to lead to more, that you have to make it clear that it is not cheating on your part to date others (as he already has issues over trust, and if that's what you want).

MrsF
 
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