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 Author Thread: fake profile bots and spam
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
fake profile bots and spam
Posted: 2/18/2019 9:57:22 PM
It actually looks like POF is facilitating the fakes. I find that if I refresh the page (which makes me appear "online", I guess), I am immediately inundated with notices and messages from the fake profiles. Either the spammers are doing continuous refreshes (which would cause a big load on server and should be easily detected and blocked) or they have found a way to get POF servers to notify them when users come online.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Message To Mutual Meet Me Not Showing Up In Sent Messages
Posted: 7/12/2016 3:35:46 PM
I would guess you got caught in the "short message" filter. In Mail Settings there is an option to require first contact message to be at least a certain size. Options are 50 characters, 100 characters, 200 characters, and 300 characters. I would expect this to be set by many if not most young women.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Username search
Posted: 7/5/2016 5:34:13 PM
More reason not to update the app unless it actually stops working.

I stopped updating the IOS app when the Android app started reporting "Someone wants to meet you" instead of giving the username. My version of the IOS app still has a username search. On the Android app (which auto updates), this feature is gone. And, of course, it is gone from the web site too.

When was the last time that an update to a POF app or the web site was actually a positive experience?
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Meet Me Count Doesn't Change
Posted: 10/13/2015 4:57:01 PM
Baring bugs, it mostly likely means that one your Meet Me's hid or deleted their account. It could even be the same one that generated the notification. My Meetme list goes up and down all the time because of this even without any new notification activity. Occasionally this happens concurrently with a new notice. Or it could be scammer account who was removed before you had the chance to check. That actually happens more often.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Mail order brides, take 2
Posted: 10/5/2015 12:55:49 PM
To paraphrase a radio ad that has been running a lot lately: getting a mail order bride is like choosing your wife like you would a pair of shoes.

In my mind it is a direct solution to an oversimplified problem.

1) Problem: man wants to get married and probably have kids. (Why? because society tells him it is the thing to do)
2) Man does not not want to hassle to searching and dating
3) Ergo, mail order bride save a lot of trouble.

Most people in this thread are hung up on #2 and #3 but, in my opinion it already off the rails at #1. With the structure of marriage is the goal, rather than a progression after meeting someone special, strange solutions can seem quite logical.

A friend of mine from high school has a mail order bride. He is very traditional and it very clear who is in change. Makes me cringe a little but they have been together close to 20 years now. It seems to work for them.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Now that POF is owned by the Match Group
Posted: 9/23/2015 5:09:01 PM

I gather we will begin to see some changes. I have noticed some subtle changes since POF was bought. I wonder what will happen in the near future.


OKCupid has been in the Match fold for much longer. I expect here much the same as happened there: gradual decay. Maintenance mostly to remove troublesome features. New features seldom added. Functionality generally declines.

In other words: not much different then before the acquisition.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Meet Me Question
Posted: 9/22/2015 12:28:29 PM

'm still getting the usernames in the (non-updated) Android app, but no longer in the emails. However, whenever I've msg'd one of these women, NONE have replied. So it's clearly POF sending out random 'meet me' emails/notifications, same as when Facebook games send out "(Friend name) has asked you to play (game name)" when no human intervention has taken place.


Not really clear at all. Some other possibilities:

1) They clicked the wrong button and are not actually interested in you at all.
2) They saw something they liked when they clicked the button, but upon closer inspection decided that they are not interested.
3) Your message landed in mailbox stuffed with many other messages, most of which they never read.
4) They changed their mind and are no longer interested.
5) Between then and now life got busy.

Meetme and similar apps on other sites are very superficial. While your odds of a reply are probably better then if you messaged someone who never indicated interest in anyway, it far far from guaranteed.

And, for the record, even I have declined to message mutual matches due to #1, #2, #4, and #5. I almost almost always respond to messages sent to me but that is because I am male, and thus, get very few.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Meet me question?
Posted: 9/17/2015 12:26:46 PM
Curiously, I found that since the change, all "want to meet me" peeps have shown up on my "viewed me" list. Before it was maybe one in five or ten.

[As previously mentioned, I can check this because my non-updated IOS app still gives me notifications with the username attached]
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Flagging non-repliers
Posted: 9/11/2015 3:24:27 PM
Putting aside whether the message sender or recipient decides to take issue personally, having a response ratio is potentially useful. If recipient's response ratio is low, the odds of a favorable response to your message are also low. You may want to reconsider whether your message and match are exceptional or whether your time is better spent pursuing someone else.

It matters hardly at all *why* the response ratio is low. Whether the person is rarely interested, spends little time here, or just gets way too many messages, it means that a message/match is not not exceptional is unlikely to get you what you want.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Meet me question?
Posted: 9/11/2015 3:03:16 PM

Unpaid members used to be able to see the name of the other member who wanted in meet them, in the email notification. Sometime in the last week, POF has changed email notifications for MEET ME. Now it only shows "someone" wants to meet you. It looks like you now have to pay for a membership to use this option.


For the near term, there is another solution: don't update your app. The web site does the "someone" nonsense as does the POF app on my Android phone, which updated a few days ago. My ipad, though is not updated. I still get the user name with my notification. It is bit of a pain but I am going to try to not update the IOS app for as long as I can. Eventually OS or site updates will break the old app but until then I get to deny the overlords their ability to take another feature away from me.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Whats it going to take for a dating site to work for everyone?
Posted: 6/4/2015 6:16:42 PM

I think the main issue is that woman get too many messages and guys get none. Whats the solution to that? I really want to fix this.


I think Tinder hit on a good idea. Men can only message women (and vice versa) if there is a mutual match. Since the effort required to select is small and women know they will not get messages otherwise, women are encouraged to actually do the selection. Unfortunately, Tinder also cultivated a culture of minimalist profiles and superficial selection usually based on only photos and often just the primary photo.

Some traditional dating sites, including this one in the form of Meet Me, have similar facilities. Unfortunately, they don't really work because women have little motivation to use the match function and even if they do, messages from mutual matches land in the same heap of cut and paste rubbish as everything else.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I have to pay to see who's viewed me now?
Posted: 5/25/2015 10:33:21 PM
Most likely, this is just another software update botch. It has happened multiple times before. Just wait a few days and the viewed me data will be back.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How to clear notification in IOS app?
Posted: 12/22/2014 2:12:50 PM
The iPad app is "POF HD". The layout and colors are different than the iPhone app. I did stumble onto an alert button under "My Matches" and managed to clear "all alerts". However the icon still shows a red "1". Looks like a bug.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How to clear notification in IOS app?
Posted: 12/22/2014 7:31:12 AM

Yes, in the blue bar at the top of the screen


Blue bar? I don't see a blue bar or any red numbers inside the IOS app. The web page has both but clearing notifications on the web page doesn't clear on the iPad app.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How to clear notification in IOS app?
Posted: 12/17/2014 7:44:05 PM
The old version had an annoying feature: A notification would appear for any number of reasons (new matches, meetme, etc) but could only be cleared by reading mail. It did not matter if the notification was about mail or even if the mail had been read before. Clunky, but it worked.

Recently, there has been an update. I still get the notice for (worthless) "new matches" but reading mail will not clear it. Nothing else clears it either. That includes the obvious one of clicking on "matches". The red "1" is just stuck there. Has anyone figured out how to reset it?
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
What are your feelings about same day meet invites?
Posted: 7/21/2014 4:55:42 PM

I find it really unrealistic to expect that someone you don't know will be available to you at your beck and call or to get upset when someone can't make it on a spur of the moment invite. However, this might just be a pet peeve of mine and totally kosher in online dating (and NO, it doesn't matter how hot he is ... if I'm busy, I'm busy for everybody).


If they are demanding to meet on the same day then that is a problem. But, I think making demands about anything is a problem. That includes demanding that the meet not be on the same day.

If you are busy or don't get the message in time then you don't meet at that time. No big deal. But there is no really point in throwing up arbitrary obstacles to meeting. With busy lives, there are enough of those. If you have two way communication on the first day, that may be your best opportunity to meet.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Meet Me - To see all the people who want to meet you Upgrade Now
Posted: 6/12/2014 9:29:15 PM
IMHO, the biggest flaw with Meetme here is that there is no "skip" option. It just keeps showing you the same profile until you hit yes, no, or maybe and "maybe" is the same as "yes".

Curious thing, I just noticed today that I don't get "Upgrade Now" if I use the app. I can see all the users that want to meet me, just like before. This abomination has only been, so far, inflicted on the web interface.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Is POF sending automatic first contact messages?
Posted: 3/1/2014 3:13:35 PM
I received an initial contact message from a woman yesterday that was character for character identical to a message sent from another woman earlier in the week.

Now, granted, "Hey there :)" is not exactly _War and Peace_ but even short, generic, messages vary and it very unusual for me to receive first contact messages so close together. Neither profile appears to be fake and at least the first one is real because we have exchanged follow up messages. (This is contrary to my usual practise of ignoring short, generic messages)
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
When a woman won't give out her phone number at the first meeting
Posted: 7/20/2009 1:01:20 PM

How in god's name do you not exchange numbers before you meet someone in-person?! What if something happens the day of and you need to postpone or just say that you'll be late?


There are services that provide temporary phone numbers that redirect to your real phone. Jangl.com comes to mind and I think a similar service was offered here at one time. Less generally, CrazyBlindDate provides a temporary number for texting your blind date.

Lots of people have email on their phones, too.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Online dating vs Social groups
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:04:39 PM
sestruth, I searched Meetup.com and there are 33 meetup groups within 50 miles of 65804.

You might want to try the hiking groups. Even in ludicrously male dominated Silicon Valley, most hikes have more women than men.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 238 (view)
 
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:30:57 PM
Because my career is a jeopardy, I may travel soon, and I just can't call forth the necessary confidence from a position of extreme uncertainty and insecurity.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
For nevermarrieds...what do you think of the question, Why haven't you been married?
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:34:06 PM
azureorb, it is the same thing. In order to determine whether someone has had a long-standing relationship, you must first define what "long standing" means. That inevitably means an arbitrary number. Objecting to being measured against some one else's 2 year rule just means you think that your number is better than their number. Or, in relation to the original issue, that your unstated number is better than their checkpoint (getting married).

In either case, it amounts to judging people for presumed consequences of insubstantial data points. If I am to be judged, I would rather be judged on a rumor. At least it has the color of fact.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
For nevermarrieds...what do you think of the question, Why haven't you been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:35:44 PM

It's a very different question than "What's prevented you from getting into a long term relationship?" if someone's never really been in one.


Disagree. It is an age adjusted escalation of the same and both are simply special cases of the general form:

"What is your excuse for being different than me and people I call 'normal'?"
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
The stigma of online dating...
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:43:41 PM
Maybe the stigma isn't about online but about using a dating service. I think we all, at some level, want to think of ourselves as so desirable that romance should come to us without us having to work for it. Admitting that you met online carries with it the uncomfortable admission that it wasn't happening naturally and we were forced to take more direct measures.

People generally don't like to admit they met a bar either. But, at least with a bar, you could plausibly say you were there for other reasons.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 181 (view)
 
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:30:02 PM
Because I don't know how to make it work. Until I learn some things about myself, about others, about the process and how to adapt it to my own quirks, any sort of direct approach is a waste. I don't think the outlook is hopeless but the time is not now.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:05:36 PM
In msg3, HiltonVIP said:

hear you sister! Well over 70% of the men who have contacted me (what's the matter with men in Ottawa, Canada?) were married. Of course, they NEVER said that right up front (not that I would have been interested anyway). They usually lied that they were separated, and some even pretended that they were single.


It is more accurate to say that 70% of the men that you responded positively to were married. You don't know what the ratio is among those you rejected. I bet it's lower. A lot lower. Success breads success in the dating game and being already married is a form of success.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
are u tired of relationship experts telling u how u should act or live a relationship?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:11:29 AM
I don't really have an opinion about relationship experts but, I think the attitude that they must be not know what they are doing because they are divorced is nonsense.

Being an expert does not mean you never fail. An "expert" who has never failed is more likely lucky than knowledgeable and lacking in critical experience. A relationship expert who has divorced has critical personal experience with a relationship that could not be saved. People are complex. Even the best advice can not be expected to work all the time.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
What kind of profiles do you like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:35:38 PM
I like profiles that inspire me to write and give me something to write about. Questions begging to be asked with possible answers that I might actually find interesting. It's a tricky thing and I'm not even sure mine really does it all that well. So often I find profiles that suggest an interesting person but I can't find an "in".
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Math of romance
Posted: 4/19/2008 4:43:07 PM
packagedealx3 in msg 25:

Most people seem to find their match when and where they weren't looking so maybe it's not the math but the eyesight that is the problem.


The eyesight is a big problem for a lot of us, but also:
1) People spend more time not looking than looking. A chance encounter is more likely to happen in the not looking time.
2) Looking for an extended period makes people a little crazy and more likely to turn off or turn away those chance encounters.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:24:57 PM
burleybabe writes in msg 30

I still stand by my point though. If you want someone to respond favourly to your email, give them something to work with.

That applies at every step. In your case, your profile might get something better than "wanna chat" if you gave the men something to work with. I don't know if you have done your updates yet, but what I see is just a wish list for your guy. Very little about you or why a guy would want to get to know you.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 266 (view)
 
Men Blacklisting Women??
Posted: 4/4/2008 10:53:10 AM
GandmaBooBoo:

oooooo, here we have it......we have NO choice in being added, but if we delete we're petty and insecure....and not going to get dates no matter which option we choose. LOL! Girls....I think we should STRIKE!!!!!!

Who would anyone notice?
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Men Blacklisting Women??
Posted: 3/28/2008 1:08:40 PM
superlaf said in msg 4:

I prune my list regularly... usually if someone added me as a fav w/o even a single communication. How could I be a "fav" if we haven't even said "hi"????


You are reading too much into the word "favorite". It's just a book mark. For me and, I suspect, most guys, favoriting almost always occurs *before* messaging. It means I found potential in your profile and now I need time to come with a good opener. If you were to delete my favorite before I sent my message, I would interpret that as a preemptive rejection and not bother.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Dating Co-workers
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:04:37 PM
Angel, I don't agree at all that not running into this person outside the work place is a sign of nothing in common. In a large city, people can enjoy essentially the same activities at different times and places and thus, never meet. And that doesn't even account for activities that are only similar or only being done actively done by one side (but the other side is interested in).
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Dating Co-workers
Posted: 3/12/2008 10:51:09 AM
I don't see a problem. If someone asked me out while I was working I would be a bit startled. Probably best to catch your fish at the end of the day when his mind is already drifting away from work.

Conventional wisdom is that the one who asks is the one who pays. Dutch would be fine for simple coffee date. Expecting him to pay for yours would be a bit crass.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Extroverts have no trouble dating
Posted: 3/8/2008 10:35:03 PM
Even dictionaries can be wrong.

Introversion is most commonly defined as preferring to draw energy from within. Extroversion is preferring to draw energy from social interaction. When an introvert interacts with many people, they feel drained and must have alone time to recharge. When an extrovert is energized by social interaction and drained by alone time.

That's about as simple as it gets. It is complicated when you account for "extroverts" with poor social skills and "introverts" with good social skills.

And there are people who don't fit at all. I switch back and forth. Sometimes, I'm all internal. Other times, I'm all social. My biggest problem at social gatherings is being isolated from the interaction. I go internal and can't come out again.

To account for their particular flavor, people are constantly redefining the terms. It becomes more barrier to communication than help.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
getting to know.... what?
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:22:10 PM
saoirse 7 in msg 28:

Do they diss their exes, mother, or family.A man who has issues or anger with his Mum has them with all women.

That's a little presumptuous, don't you think? Nice, balanced people sometimes come from families that are neither nice nor balanced. We don't get to choose our families and some families can try the patience of saints.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 137 (view)
 
30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 5:18:34 PM
dportait:

Well unless these guys are going out with other guys then an equal number of men and women are having sex on their first date.... its something they do together.


True, if all men went on the same number of dates.
Which is not true at all.

A few men date a lot more women than the average. It is at least plausible that those extraordinarily successful males are also more successful in getting their women to have sex on the first date.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 113 (view)
 
beware statistics; be VERY ware.
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:05:15 PM
The lack of a condom sounds horrible if you assume that these women are still and frequently having sex on the first date. However, that seems unlikely. More likely that are recalling something from their past: perhaps a single incident when they were young and foolish. In that case, it makes perfect sense. They were out of control, not thinking at all. If they had the self-control to remember the condom, they probably wouldn't be having sex with a stranger.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 2/26/2008 10:43:25 PM
It's a silly statistic. All it means is that at sometime in their lives, at least 30% of women have had sex on the first date. It doesn't mean that that they have sex on every first date or even that they've done it more than once. The fraction of first dates that turn sexual could still be very small.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 2/24/2008 9:08:26 PM
eagleericw:

The American societal scene is like no other on earth. With a divorce rate approaching 60% (compare this to Japan's 2%), Americans are facing increasing social alienation in their daily lives in a rapidly deteriorating dysfunctional culture.


Like no other? It looks pretty middle of the road for Western industrialized countries.

Percentage of New Marriages which End in Divorce, in Selected Countries (2002)
Country Divorces (as % of marriages)
Sweden 54.9
Belarus 52.9
Finland 51.2
Luxembourg 47.4
Estonia 46.7
Australia 46
United States 45.8
Denmark 44.5
Belgium 44
Austria 43.4
Czech Republic 43.3
Russia 43.3
United Kingdom 42.6
Norway 40.4
Ukraine 40
Iceland 39.5
Germany 39.4
Lithuania 38.9
France 38.3
Netherlands 38.3
Hungary 37.5
Canada 37
Latvia 34.4
Moldova 28.1
Slovakia 26.9
Portugal 26.2
Switzerland 25.5
Bulgaria 21.1
Slovenia 20.7
Romania 19.1
Poland 17.2
Singapore 17.2
Greece 15.7
Croatia 15.5
Spain 15.2
Israel 14.8
Albania 10.9
Azerbaijan 10.3
Italy 10
Georgia 6.6
Armenia 6
Turkey 6
Bosnia and Herzegovi5 na
Macedonia 5
Sri Lanka 1.5
India 1.1

(Source: Americans for Divorce Reform)
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Is Height an issue to Men?
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:49:30 AM
Four inches is a lot. As much as women look at shoes, I don't see how they could miss it, unless they just didn't want to know.

I find it really bizarre that someone who is 5'10" would do this. He's just about the ideal height for an American male. He's tall enough that average and slightly above average height women can wear heels and still be shorter and he doesn't have to deal with very awkward height differences, fitting issues, and other problems that come with membership in the over six foot club.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Is Height an issue to Men?
Posted: 2/20/2008 2:46:41 PM
I'd like to see someone try to conceal a four inch heel.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
George Foreman Grill Idea's
Posted: 1/29/2008 6:32:54 PM
The original Champ (the one with the clamp) is really good for cooking sausages. Tasty Italian sausage in my pasta sauce without the grease.

The newer ones don't have a clamp. They aren't nearly as effective.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Do you fear short distance relationships?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:47:21 PM
While there may be a few that fear that a nearby relationship may be just a little too real, I think, for most it's just a matter of numbers. Statistically, your better matches are most likely to be near the limits of your acceptable dating range. There's just more people there.

It's a variation on the "too picky" problem. People cast their nets wider than they are actually able to sustain a relationship. They then judge those within reach by the standards of the unreachable and find them wanting. Everyone stays frustrated.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How far in advance should you make plans?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:02:56 AM
It sounds a bit like my family's Christmas gatherings. Most of my family lives in driving range. I live several states away and need to book my flights two months in advance. For several years, it was a real pain. It'd try find out what everyones plans were so I could book my flights and they never knew. They always waited until the last minute because they didn't need to do any better. Finally, I decided I had had enough. Now I book my flights at my convenience. I tell them when I'm going to be there and they work around my schedule. Problem solved.

If you want a plan, make one to your liking and tell him how it is going to be. If he doesn't like it, he will have to come up with plans of his own.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
What does it take to be successful on POF?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:30:04 PM


Guys who really don't care what a girl looks like, as long as she is female of legal age


The better looking you are, the more attention you get, the more choices you have. Simple fact

You just contradicted your first statement.


I see no contradiction. Your "pond" is the intersection of people you find acceptable with people who find you acceptable. Success come easiest to those who are very attractive and like everybody. It is most difficult for very unattractive people who are picky. In between are attractive people who are picky and unattractive people who are accepting.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How far does ithave to be to be a long distance relationship
Posted: 1/23/2008 4:18:13 PM
What makes a long distance relationship different is not distance but time: Time required to travel and, more importantly, time apart.

To my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where even weekend meetups are usually infeasible. If you are able to come together multiple times per week then your relationship isn't long distance. The actual distance traveled is not important. If that is your case, then maybe the men you talk don't fully understand your situation.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Cop shot, followed by show of force
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:30:39 PM
I disagree.

The signal that "show of force" sends is: "you do *not*, under *any* circumstances, shoot cops". That's a very important message to send. If the police have to watch their own backs, they can't protect us nearly as effectively. Your already understaffed force becomes nearly useless.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 106 (view)
 
What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:54:06 PM
That a couple of reasonable assumptions that I had about online dating when I started, were completely wrong.

1) That participating in online dating would result in significant real dating. I was actually concerned that having too many first contacts outstanding would result in awkward scheduling/time problems. Seems kind of silly now.

2) That some writing skill and a good profile would be a significant advantage.

The forums have been enlightening. Some of it useful. Some entertaining. A great deal is depressing. Narrow minded attitudes, particularly the notion that anyone who has lived their life differently is broken and, therefore, undateable are much more prevalent than I expected.

More from viewing profiles than forums:

1) Racism is alive and well. Excluding people with marked racial preferences seemed like a good idea until I noticed how many people this excluded.

2) Discrimination based on religion or lack of religion is far more common than I expected, even in California. I expected this in the Midwest. But California?

Silly things like the average female height being two inches shorter than I thought. Kind of a bummer for tall guys like me.
 subhacker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
what are you supposed to say?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:50:14 PM
larissan04:

it is okay to lie and say that you just met someone etc. because that way you aren't hurting thier feelings, and you won't make them feel bad.


No! No! No!

It is not OK to lie. That is worse than not responding at all. You spare their feelings by giving false hope. In the short to mid term, they learn that their approach is fine but their timing seems to be off. In the long term, they learn that women are liars are not to be trusted.

Always tell the truth. You don't have to brutal about it, but the essential truth must be there. If the best you can manage without being brutal is "Sorry, I'm not not interested", then that will have to do. Don't make stuff up.

And it usually possible to do better while remaining honest and sympathetic. There is nothing brutal about: "Sorry, I'm not into older men. Good luck!" It not even excessive to say "I don't think so. I keep in shape. It is important to me that my mate do the same. Keep fishing."

I admit, though, I don't see a clear and tactful way to say "you're ugly". Maybe just the hopelessly vague: "Sorry, not my type. Good luck elsewhere!"
 
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