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 Author Thread: Open Relationships
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/16/2015 3:01:17 PM
as i said, good communication = no drama.

Liken it to a game of poker, there are multiple players, if all players play as normal, then their cards are hidden, they can lie about their hand and bluff, this is cheating on a partner. However if all players face their cards on the table, no one can lie, you know exactly who is playing what. Polyamory is playing cards on the table face up.

EDIT: same could be said with just 2 players (monogamy)
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/16/2015 2:30:00 PM
yeah its pretty crazy.

I totally understand that dude, she is my first poly girl ive ever dated and in the past was always strictly mono, I've never cheated on a partner, I've just come to a point in my life where I thought "why not?", I have friends who are getting married who are both poly, they are very happy together.

The whole point of polyamory is trust and communication, my gf is very trusting, she tells me when she goes on dates (although not the nitty gritty, she did ask about that and I politely said I dont need to know the ins and outs), if the communication breaks down then there is a problem. I'm lucky to not have had to deal with that so far, I mean we are all consenting adults who know what we are getting into, as I said she is my first so there were a few baby steps, but its just getting round society's programmed idea of monogamy.

Would I go back to monogamy? of course, would I want to cheat if I did? absolutely not, I respect every girl I see and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/16/2015 2:15:34 PM
nope, not swingers because they dont date the same people, one "rule" of it is they arnt present when their partners date/partner is there. Suits me down to the ground as I dont really want him there lol, time between me and her stays with us and is NOT shared with him.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 108 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/16/2015 2:09:24 PM
no no no.

I don't live with her. Also, there is no "head person", its NOTHING like a polygamy "family", where one person controls the relationship. I am free to leave her or date other people as is she, I have no say on who she dates (with one exception being my friends, and I have poly friends, and it will be a bit wierd, she agrees btw). Polygamy is something I strongly disagree with as its a form of bondage, its basically a mans legal way of having his cake and eating it.

I'm not sure if female-oriented polygamy exists, since its a very male-dominated thing (and usually a religious/cult thing), "traditional" gender roles don't really allow female polygamy as, as stated, its a control device more than anything, and although possible, I can't see one woman being able to control multiple men in a legal marriage under one household.

As I said, her husband has girlfriends (but as far as I know only romantically attached to his wife), my gf has her husband and me romantically attached and has had a few dates with other people, and I'm romantically attached to her and have had a date or so since seeing her. No one has any control over another, her husband is not forbidding her to see anyone else, if he did, then yes, that would be a form of polygamy, as he will have multiple partners and she will not.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/16/2015 10:41:38 AM
If my GF got cancer, of course I'd be at her bedside!

I Guess people just don't get it.

And I'm free to date anyone else as well so it's not just husband > her < me
as for the ethics of that, well that is my business and mine alone. I am currently looking for other poly girls.

ONLY me and her husband are romantically attached, she may go out on other dates etc but they are just dates. Theres something called the "polymax" which is the mental maximum capacity of people realistically able to have a proper relationship with. She is at it with me and her husband.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:16:33 PM
whatever you say mate, lol, you must be a great love councilor being able to know the intimate details of a stranger from the internet's relationship, maybe it's a career path you should look into!

The fact of the matter is, you DON'T KNOW ME, or her, or the fine details of my relationship.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2015 10:36:33 AM
I'll reiterate, shes not just a **** buddy. You don't know me, you don't know her, assuming I'm just "screwing her" is ignorant.

I suggest you take 3 minutes and 16 seconds to watch this vid, it may be insightful to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o1gsI3e0u4
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2015 9:41:57 AM
@CTRL:

Polyamory is not polygamy, it just shows how little you know. Polygamy is a man with multiple wives, the emphasis is on the male, it is a one sided relationship (and a flawed one, why should a man be allowed multiple wives but not a woman?).

It seems you're so ignorant its hardly even worth trying to educate you. You said you don't think it works yet I'm here telling you it does, lol, oh well, happy fishing, me on the other hand, can't wait for my gf to tell me how her date with another woman goes on saturday :)
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2015 7:32:33 AM
Dude, you don't know me or my GF. Stop assuming shit you don't know about. Go and do some research on polyamory before embarrassing yourself with your closed-mindedness.

FYI, they've been together for 7 years and are celebrating their anniversary next weekend.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2015 7:24:30 AM
....he's poly too.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2015 6:32:38 AM
To reiterate to anyone here with doubts. Polyamory is NOT FWB. IT is not just consensual sex on the side. Polyamory is the mental ability to have, hold, and love multiple partners EQUALLY. My girlfriend loves her husband dearly, but I know she loves me too, in a different way of course (we are all unique humans afterall with different wants, needs and desires).

I'm not sure if I will stick with it forever, I have my doubts yes (shes the first poly girl ive been with) but for the time being she is one of the most caring, compassionate, honest, open and friendly people I have ever met. with open relationships its all about COMMUNICATION, if that breaks down then the relationship WILL break down, simple as that.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 1/6/2015 3:03:13 PM
its been nearly 4 months now, and I know exactly what I'm doing. COMMUNICATION is key here, if there was any doubt in either of us we would call it off immediately. it will never get to a stage where feelings will take over because ill never settle down with her will I?

Maybe a little insight about that polyamorous dating actually entails will enlighten a a few people. Its the capacity to cherish multiple partners as you would cherish just one. If it all goes tits up, I am prepared to deal with the consequences.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 6:23:18 PM
I am currently in an open/poly relationship and having the time of my life! As long as there is strong communication between ALL partners, there should be no problem if you really want to go down the route.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 1/4/2015 6:18:31 PM
update on this:

I'm very happily dating her and am her primary boyfriend! its going very well, shes kinda opened my eyes to the whole poly thing tbh! I'm having the best time of my life at the moment and glad that I made the right call. Obviously, everyone has their own right to their opinions on open relationships etc but you would be surprised how big the scene is and how many people actually do it....

Thanks everyone for their concerns!
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 8/31/2014 12:07:07 PM
Ok, update on this.

I've decided I'm going to meet her for a coffee in a public place just to get to know the girl. It turns out one of my friends who is into poly dating has erm, "dated" her lol, in fact, he was gonna go see her this week and instead "gave me a good reference" and swapped himself for me lol.

In terms of arrangements with her husband, they date completely separately and take it in turns with their house. To be honest, if it does get to that stage, im gonna get a hotel instead. And fyi, I live in England so he wont have a gun etc. but I have good assurance from my friend (whom i saw talk to her in front of me) that shes a nice girl, very friendly and even if its just friends or just sex then shes cool with it all.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 8/25/2014 7:45:34 AM
ok, thanks for the advice everyone. I'm a little hesitant with it all tbh, ive never done anything like this before, and asking friends its a 50/50 as to do it or not. Ive kinda got to a point where shes said "maybe you should come down sometime", theres no date set yet, so for now im still in decisions whether to make one or not.

As for people saying "fake!", well, this stuff happens. One of my best friends is poly and shes very happy with what she does and there is a scene, a very big underground scene in all of that stuff, unfortunately its very closed apparently and everyones kinda banged each other in every combination possible (well, in Manchester at least), so Im guessing getting "new talent" to add to the "pool" is something people do. Now, im not sure whether i am willing to go ahead with this and shes in a scene or just simply her and her husband are only togeather for financial reasons, i dont know yet, but as i said im still a bit hesitant.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 8/23/2014 11:28:26 AM
lol my handle is taken from an obscure band, not my sexual deviances :P
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 8/23/2014 8:20:24 AM
thanks everyone, I understand it will be no strings and I'm fine with that :) besides, she has a husband lol, I'm pretty sure they have an agreement worked out in terms of feelings etc. She even mentioned her husband was "seeing his gf this weekend" so hey if shes that open about it then heh its cool.

FYI, its from another dating site, she may be on here too but I don't know. In terms of scamming, well, she opened with talking about sci-fi, as i said not really any flirting has gone on so far just a general introduction, which i then got to the point and asked about her husband and she just said they're open about seeing other people, at the mo thats where i'm up to.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Talking to a girl in an Open Marriage looking for fun...
Posted: 8/23/2014 7:15:39 AM
Hi, not sure if this goes here but I'm currently talking online to a lady who's in an open marriage and is looking for a partner/****buddy.

I'm interested in her, I've never done anything like this before and it sounds like an interesting experience, I think shes interested in me (she messaged me) but to be honest i'm so out of the loop i dont know what to say to her. We've touched on her marriage and how both sides are comfortable in dating other people but I'm unsure where to go next, at the mo no flirting has occurred but shes friendly and chatty so I guess I need a bit of advice as to what to say next?

Should I simply ask her what shes looking for? want to hook up? or should I go for a more subtle approach?
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Being a rocker/metalhead - lying to her/myself (on topic)
Posted: 2/17/2014 7:13:28 PM
Thanks for all the replies people...

I have been talking to a girl from here on facebook (yeah, shes alternative) but I'm getting a lot of mixed messages from her...but i'm not going to talk about that here.

As for me, well, I'm not sure how many of you actually looked at my profile (rather than just my pic) but I DID SAY I liked a lot of genres (classical, funk, reggae, soul, old school dance, good rap, electro, industrial, hell even cheesy pop can be great), my point was I PREFER to dress the way I dress because I feel comfortable about it. I am in no way narrow minded enough to like metal and metal only. I actually don't think it would make any difference what so ever if I wore "normal" clothes because even a ponytail would give it away, yes, here in England ITS THAT EASY to spot an alt, I havnt met a single bloke with long hair who isnt into rock or anything....you can just tell trust me lol
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Being a rocker/metalhead - lying to her/myself (on topic)
Posted: 2/11/2014 9:41:02 AM
wow its good to see some differing opinions on this.

I'd like to point something out thats been raised a few times: I do own as suit, a few shirts, ties, some other "casual" wear, Im just saying I PREFER to wear what I do, in my line of work i can get away with wearing whatever I want so I guess that either helps or doesn't depending on your view.

In terms of other avenues, yes, ive been to clubs other dating sites etc, this was just a general question to see what peoples opinions where. TBH, ive only ever dated within my social group. Honestly, in this country it doesnt matter what you where the long hair is a dead give away regardless of it being in a ponytail or not. There are people refered to as "Chavs", probably the closest thing I can think of comparable in America is "wiggers", aka, usually wearing tracksuits, "designer" clothing, skinheads, into chart and rnb music and generally have a strong disliking to anyone other than themselves. There was a big news story a few years ago regarding a bunch of chavs who kicked a gothic girl to death and gave her boyfriend brain damage for the rest of his life just because the way they looked, because of that theres actually been a law passed to allow discrimination against alternative people a "hate crime" (in the way racist crimes are delt with), yeah, its that bad in the country lol.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Being a rocker/metalhead - lying to her/myself (on topic)
Posted: 2/11/2014 5:33:55 AM
thanks for the input people :) I'm glad you all agree with me about change, as I said, in terms of my hair (which I take good care of, I know theres a stereotype about rockers being dirty and smelly) I do forget how much of a talking point it can be and how much it sometimes even makes girls jealous lol


When you buck convention you reduce the number of women who want to date you. "Wants to date but nothing serious" is also a major deal breaker for the majority of women. Most women want a loving relationship.


well about that....you see I put that as my status because I thought it can work either way, I mean I AM looking for a relationship eventually, I obviously don't want to rush things with anyone, nor do I want to sound desperate....I mean its all about interpretation, to me that sounds like I want to have a few drinks and a laugh and see where we end up rather that "one night stand". I mean ONS are great and all but I do want to eventually settle down in the next few years, do you think I should change my status to "wants a relationship?"
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Being a rocker/metalhead - lying to her/myself (on topic)
Posted: 2/10/2014 8:18:26 PM
Nice! Only seen Judas Priest twice, great shows!

of course, I mean when I start losing my hair or going grey i'll consider doing something about that aspect, however I guess at 28 I still feel 18, Ive had 3 long relationships during my 20s and not many one offs, I mean I guess its nice to be single and being able to breathe and stretch your legs for a while, but I am getting on 30 and I am thinking of settling around that age.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Being a "rocker/metalhead" - lying to her/myself (on topic)
Posted: 2/10/2014 7:22:41 PM
Hi there, I'd just like a few opinions on this matter, and FYI I'm UK based if that helps at all.

For those of you who don't know what I mean, then I like to listen to heavy metal/rock etc as well as dress casually with band t-shirts and whatnot, I have long hair too.

Now I've been "alternative" now since I was about 16 and I feel comfortable and confident with myself and the way I look, I have no issues and no desire to change the way I am or appear, which brings me to my next point: Being the way I am detracts probably 90% of women, obviously stereotypes come into play (metalheads get a bad rep in England) but I'm the type of guy not to judge a book by its cover.

So its a catch 22 situation, even if I changed my appearance to attract more women I will still be into the same music and culture, so it wouldn't be me at all, i'd be lying to her and myself and any potential date would soon find out what i'm into and be disinterested (I'm a big believer that relationships flourish with common hobbies and interests).

I guess the reality is it does come down to appearance, and unfortunately being the way I am on dating sites gives me a very limited scope on potential dates.

I'd just like to hear other people's opinions on this. (BTW I don't want to come across as arrogant, seriously, here in england it is so bad that id likely get beat up for the way I look if I was to enter certain nightclubs or bars, there is a massive prejudice against alternative people here)
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
@Would you date someone famous?
Posted: 5/6/2012 8:11:54 AM
depends on how famous and what field. For example, my friend is dating someone in Iced Earth, a very famous metal band, and basically she will be able to go to any gig, go back stage, meet other musicians, go on tour etc which I think is pretty awesome!

Id definatly date a musician if it means getting into that scene as I am a budding musician myself. As for actors, well again depends on how famous, A-list celeb? meh, I donk think I ever could anyway because the tend to date other famous people, but it would be nice maybe for a month, to taste success and be invited to all the high profile parties etc..
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Favorite manufacturer of electric guitars?
Posted: 5/6/2012 5:49:37 AM
Ive always wanted a Les Paul, a proper Gibson one like.
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
critique?
Posted: 5/6/2012 5:42:02 AM
any other suggestions?
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
critique?
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:11:30 PM
besides, I'm in the UK and its a lot different here.... being into rock is generally NOT cool... what you would term "wiggers" in America we call "chavs" in England, and I tell you, its pretty grim out there when it seems that 90% of the population are skinhead trouble-causing idiots...
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 56 (view)
 
'Dubstep'.. Not everyones cup of tea but it's growing on me.
Posted: 5/5/2012 7:14:03 PM
I'm a metalhead/industrialhead and ive been getting into Dubstep, especially the heavier stuff, its pretty decent! I dont like the rnb inspired stuff though, ugh, autotune makes me want to cringe!
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
critique?
Posted: 5/5/2012 7:07:02 PM
I'm a bassist in the band I play in :P Its a known fact all the girls go for the lead singer and guitarist!
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Pop Ups and Advertising wherever you go? Does it drive you nuts?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:49:28 PM
I remember the days when Youtube didnt have adverts before videos! I mean what the hell is that all about?? also why the hell does BBCiplayer have adverts?? arnt we supposed to be paying for that crap with a TV licence??? Ads do my head in, the general viewing area of the internet is getting smaller and smaller as ads fill the sidebars.
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
At what age were you happiest ?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:46:21 PM
early 20s, I was in uni, had a sex life, my favourate club was still open, and everything wasnt so rediculously expensive!
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
critique?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:38:58 PM
well I'm not *specifically* looking for an alternative person, im very outgoing! Its just that obviously, most girls would find me a turn off having long hair and into rock....
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
are you ashamed of using the internet for something that should come naturally?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:35:57 PM
Ive been on here for a while, sent out a few messages, not had many replies, TBH Ive found it all a bit dissapointing, maybe my profiles not good enough? I do agree there is a bit of a stigma about online dating still though, but in my experience so far its all hype! I guess women get a lot more messages then men though...
 -virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
critique?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:27:21 PM
added a few more pics, maybe that will help
 -Virtue-
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
critique?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:34:49 PM
Hi first time posting here, I just thought Id ask about my profile as POF hasnt really been successful for me... I know obviously being "alternative" detracts viewers/messages but hey, I am what I am and I wouldnt cut my hair for anyone! Besides, Ive seen plenty of alt-girls on here so its not like I'm the only one...
 
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