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 Author Thread: Timeframe between dates
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Timeframe between dates
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:31:13 PM
Cheezy has it right... the simple fact is that if you're REALLY into each other you will MAKE time. I was on the night shift for over a decade and KNOW FULL WELL how scheduling conflicts work... but for me, there really was only one issue and that was setting up the very FIRST date!! Because that was all it took for me to decide whether or not you were WORTH me losing sleep over (which I would gladly do for the right guy)!! :)

If you want to make time and space in your life for someone, you will. PERIOD regardless of the situation!!

And Eric makes a wonderful point. I've never understood the Texting fascination... it's good for a "Morning Cutie" Text... but I don't want to have entire conversations via Texting, and lots of people do that!! You're on a phone... CALL ME!! I want to hear your voice!! Unlike Texting... you can hear subtleties in a voice, undertones and emotions!! I've even found guys 'reluctant' to call... WHY!??! Those usually don't last long!! haha

But really, if you feel like you're going in circles with this girl, maybe you need to either shit or get off the pot so to speak. Either MAKE it happen or let it go!! You could be missing out on something by trying to hang onto something that's 'not really what you want'... cause TRUST ME - if you REALLY wanted it to work... you'd MAKE it work!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Timeframe between dates
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:08:11 PM
Sadly, I've had TONS of very promising guys just sorta 'fade out' due to this very thing! Too many people out there saying they WANT a relationship but not really having the TIME or will to make room for someone in their lives and too many that think Texting is somehow going to keep it going and form some sort of BOND?!? How can you BOND with someone if you never spend TIME with them?? :(
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 151 (view)
 
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/23/2012 2:04:40 PM
I'm 6' tall and NOT a small gal!! :P

I get approached by guys shorter than me all the time... and I HAVE tried to date shorter/smaller guys... but in the end it was just awkward for me!! I guess it's because I feel more feminine when I'm with a guy that's taller/bigger than I am verse feeling even BIGGER cause he's shorter/smaller!! *shrug*

I can date someone a couple inches shorter than me, no problem, as long as he's not really THIN on top of being shorter!! :P
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Would u still date a girl if she won't sleep with u?
Posted: 9/23/2012 1:51:11 PM
I think Meofelo sorta hit a nerve!!

ONLINE dating is a different creature all together because you DO take time to actually make some sort of 'connection' prior to meeting in RL (well, most do I think) and that first meeting is to just find out if the connections made online, Texting and via other not in person ways actually carried over into the flesh so to speak!!

This is where I end up hitting a wall in regards to the sex issue!! IF that connection DOES carry over into the 'flesh'... then for me I'm only a few dates away from wanting to completely jump your bones!! HAHA Sadly though, like many have said here... guys tend to have the mentality that girls/women who 'give it up too easy' (within the first few dates) are DISPOSABLE and NOT WORTHY or serious consideration!! :(

I think this is a VERY sad thing and a HUGE mistake on a guys part!! Women have the ability to connect with men in MANY MORE WAYS than just sex!! So if we've been chatting for a while (say every day for 2-4 weeks) then for ME that could count as 2 dates a week... so by the 4th week we've been on 8 dates theoretically!! HAHA

I wish guys would realize this because just because a woman make a strong enough connection with you PRIOR to meeting in RL and is TOTALLY feeling you when you DO meet in RL and decides it ALL FEELS RIGHT and goes for it... that does NOT mean she's easy, a slut, or UNWORTHY of keeping around!! She could be your dream come true... if only given the chance!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I think it's time.
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:14:33 AM
Now for the gals point of view!! HAHA

I'd remove the picture of you with the BEAR KILL!! Some nature lovers (like me) may feel bad for the bear!! lol Hunting is okay... but honestly, MOST women don't want to see you kill something!! :)

Make your LAST picture your MAIN one... the up close one!! You have a great smile and you're cute... show that off!! Remember you only have a SECOND to catch someones eye and your main picture is the only thing that will do that!! Make it count!! :D

The only other thing in your current profile that threw me a bit is "I can't lie" - images of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar INSTANTLY flashed though my mind!! Anyone who say's they don't, can't or haven't lied... IS a liar!! Don't be a hypocrite, just be honest!!! If you genuinely don't LIKE to lie... then say "I hate lies" that covers both you AND the person your looking for without sounding hypocritical!! :P

Other than those couple things... was not a bad profile!! Oh... and yes, honestly your height is probably limiting your responses!! That can be a deal breaker for some... just like weight and smoking!! Just the nature of the beast I'm afraid!!

Good Luck and Happy Fishing!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Constructive criticism required please.
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:59:10 AM
Camp is right... you're profile seems to be all about WORK!! And most gals would read it and think that they would most certainly come second in your life!! It's okay to work hard and to be proud of that, but if you're genuinely trying to find a girl to fit into your life... make 'I work a lot' a footnote to who YOU are and what you are looking for in a girl!! :)

The only other advice I have is you need better pictures!! lol There is only one good one of you (the main one)... the rest are too far away to actually see much of you!! Golden rule of thumb... smile a lot and the more picts the better!! Oh... and try NOT to have them all be of you at WORK!!! HAHA :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Did I make a fatal error?!
Posted: 4/28/2012 9:33:06 AM
I read something somewhere that actually made PERFECT sense once I read it... but I had never thought of it that way myself:

Man TIME and Woman TIME are two totally different things!! Woman time is like a puppy sitting at home staring at the door waiting for his master to come home.... an HOUR can seem like a LIFETIME!! Man time is like a bear hibernating... he goes to sleep for 3 months and when he wakes up, it seems like it's only been a day or two!!

Basically, you need to STOP stressing over this invisible 'TIME ISSUE' that may not have anything to do with whether or not he likes you - it's OBVIOUS that he does!! Just relax and GO WITH THE FLOW!! Just because he's not getting back to you on YOUR time.... does not mean he's not interested!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/28/2012 9:12:43 AM

To answer the question, yes. Too many people mistake NICE guy with what you should be...a GOOD guy. Nice gets you friend zoned and gives a woman a different sense of trust...you know, you're dependable the way her Honda Civic is. So instead, just be you man. That means having moments of imperfection. Women can sense fake 'nice'...you know, a ratcheted up version of who you are.


1womanman has it right I think!! There is a difference between being a GOOD man and a NICE doormat!! Women are attracted to strength and confidence. Most self-proclaimed "NICE GUYS" do not have the confidence/self-esteem to STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES, so they bow down and be 'nice' to accommodate everyone else's feelings!! I can't speak for every woman, but personally I don't WANT a man that is just going to kiss my ass all the time and never have any opinions or beliefs of his own!! Your partner should challenge you and compliment your personality, not MIMIC it!! :(
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
if your looking for sex, exit my profile
Posted: 4/28/2012 8:35:38 AM
I think TOOSHADOWS said it right:


t's very true that women like sex as much as men, but many want THE RIGHT MAN to have sex with.


I'm VERY sexual... but not with just ANYONE!! I'm not looking for a casual sexual fling... and I have that in my profile!! Now, does that mean that if I talk to a guy, get to know him, like him and think he's 'the right guy' I wont want to jump his bones and rock his world fairly fast?? Absolutely NOT!!! HAHA

I can't speak for every woman on POF... but I'd put my money on the fact that the reason we do it (I know I DO) is because it HELPS to discourage the guys just looking for a quick HOOKUP!! Even though I have "I don't do casual sex" all over my profile... I still get messages almost daily from guys that I can quickly ascertain are only looking for a quick fix and to get laid!! If all I wanted to do was get laid... I certainly don't need the INTERNET to do that!! LOL
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Am I a terrible person???
Posted: 4/13/2012 2:34:03 AM

No, she (the ex) doesn't know that I've been seeing someone.


Okay... so if I'm understanding this correctly your EX (the one your 'heart' lies with) does NOT know about your CURRENT girlfriend??? Is that right???

If that is the case... I suggest you CONFESS to your hearts desire and see what she thinks about how spineless you are being in dealing with your CURRENT girlfriend!! She may also be interested in knowing that she is 'the OTHER woman' right now!!! O.o

I have a feeling that she will NOT be too happy about it... cause let me tell you a little secrete on how your EX will look at it... if you will do this to your CURRENT girlfriend, you'd do the same thing to HER if the situation and circumstances become the same!! *shakes head*

My suggestion is be HONEST with both.... but don't expect either to be around when your done with your little confession!!! Maybe YOU should work a little on YOUR issues before jumping into the next one!?!? Just sayin!! :(
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 202 (view)
 
Feminism Your Views
Posted: 4/12/2012 6:47:54 AM
I'm all for equality in the work place, the right to vote and having all the same rights as a man in general... but when it comes to my private PERSONAL life and relationships... I certainly don't want to BE a man!! HAHA

I very much ENJOY being the woman in the relationship and have NO PROBLEMS letting a man BE a man and take charge!! Something very sexy about a guy flowing with testosterone who knows exactly when it's okay to beat on his chest, roar and TAKE what he wants!! HAHA

I don't mind living in a mans world... as long as I can be a WOMAN in it!!

Happy Fishing!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Men who shave...Everything!
Posted: 4/7/2012 6:05:23 AM
I personally like a guy that shaves his 'nether regions'!!! It's cleaner and I can lick and lap all I want without fear of a hairball!! HAHA

As for the rest of his body... doesn't bother me if he shaves... I'm not a big fan of really hairy guys anyway!!! Some hair is okay... but I really enjoy letting my tongue explore all over my guys body... so the less hair the better!!! A lot of men that are really into weight lifting do that... I say it's fine... but please at least leave the armpit hair alone!! :P
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I just don't get it ..what do women what ?
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:48:31 PM
First thing is that you do not have a single picture of you SMILING!! A great smile can be an ice breaker in and of it's self!! I know I have been compelled to send guys messages saying "GREAT SMILE" and ended up talking to them!! :)

ROTATE the one picture!! I know that is one of my big pet peeves!! lol

And like LADY said.... If you send a message to a gal, put something that is SPECIFIC to her profile in the message!! Lets her know you actually read it and don't have some generic "I WANNA KNOW YOU" message that you copy and paste to a million different girls!!! :)

Put more details about who you are and what you're looking for in your description... gives a gal something to go on and something to approach you with (Hey... I see you like _______!! I LOVE THAT!!).

And lastly... don't take it too personally if someone does not reply back!! Think of this like FISHING... sometimes you have to throw out a thousand casts to catch one fish... and sometimes you have to catch one hundred fish before you finally catch one worth taking home!!! :)

I usually end my messages with:

""If you want to chat sometime, you know where to find me... if not, Happy Fishing!! :)""

Good luck!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Bad first meet....UGH
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:11:26 PM

No. Absolutely no talking about sex the entire time. I was impressed by that actually. Next time, I wont think so highly of it. I guess there has to be a middle point about that. Considering I had been sent pics of guys genitals, I think this was doing pretty good!


It's a fine line between gentlemanly and REPRESSED SEXUALITY!!! HAHA Guess he was the latter!! :P

I personally think you learn a lot about someone by talking about sex... and think it's an important part of the 'weeding out process' to see if you will be sexually compatible!! Unfortunately for you... you found out the hard (and gross) way that you two were NOT sexually compatible!!

It is certainly a delicate balancing act... how much or little to talk about sex when getting to know someone!! ~.O
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
I can never be happy with a girl
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:33:54 PM
For the past 4 years (ever since things with my first ended) I have had trouble finding happiness with any girl i've dated. I always seek out and find flaws in the girl that give me a reason to lose interest. What is wrong with me?

At this very moment I'm sitting alone and writing on some stupid dating site about my stupid problems. I'm 24 years old and should be out having fun but I so often prefer to be alone. It just isn't right...


Have you ever considered that you may be "seeking the flaws" in the girls you date as a self defense mechanism??

Not knowing how your 'first' ended. My guess would be that it was a little rough, potentially heart breaking!! It HURTS to lose someone we love and/or care about... but you should NOT let that fear of being hurt again sabotage a future relationship. It sorta sounds like you are SEEKING out flaws to give yourself some sort of justifiable reason for not getting attached - "I'll dump her before she can dump me" sorta thing!!?? If you were broken by your 'first' love, regardless of who did the leaving... then take AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED to heal and get your head right before moving on to the next one!! For some (like myself) this can literally take years!! But that does not mean you can't have FUN while you're 'getting your head right'!! lol :)

We ALL have flaws, even you!! And REAL love is the ability to look beyond those flaws and enjoy everything that makes your partner who they are... good AND bad!! And falling in for someone is a very scary thing... you feel luck and terrified all at the same time!! Lucky to have found them and terrified to lose them!! But that is what makes it so great!! :)

You're young and have plenty of time to find happiness in the arms of a woman!! But first... maybe take some time to soul search and do some self reflecting to try to figure out why you keep nit picking these poor girls to death!?! :)

Good luck!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 94 (view)
 
No sexual attraction on first meet. Do I bother with a first date?
Posted: 4/5/2012 7:22:58 PM
You'll probably miss a GREAT opportunity on account of your shallowness and narrow-mindedness. Be open!!!!!!!!!


I've never understood why some are so quick to call others shallow and narrow-minded for knowing their own personal preferences when it comes to what they find attractive??!! LOL

Just because I know what I find attractive and you're not it, does not make me shallow or narrow-minded... I just know what I am attracted to?? And this is not intended to be a personal 'jab' at you teacher-boy ;) I just think that 'shallow' is a word that is thrown around a little too much!! :)

We ALL have different physical traits that we find attractive, we ALL have different things we find sexually attractive... so why is it that when we 'reject' someone that does not have those qualities and traits are we automatically labeled as shallow??

I'm a big girl and I know that's not every ones cup of tea... and I'm attracted to lots of men that are NOT attracted to me!! lol That's okay, I don't think they are shallow for not being into me, I just know I'm not for everyone and move on!! It's nothing personal!! :)

I think that if there is ANY physical attraction what-so-ever it is worth 'giving them a chance' to see if there is something more too it, but if you know if you have NO physical attraction to someone, then you should not lead them on, especially if you now THEY are attracted to you!!

Happy Fishing!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 589 (view)
 
oral sex and swallowing cum and why they wont do it
Posted: 4/5/2012 5:23:36 AM
It's not the taste... that does not bother me one bit... I don't swallow because it gives me a tummy ache!! HAHA

Maybe you should just be thankful that you are getting oral sex that comes with a happy ending!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 204 (view)
 
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 4/5/2012 1:50:25 AM
IMO there is NO EXCUSE for cheating!! Period!! And if they are the type of person who would cheat ONCE, odds are good that they would do it again given the right circumstances!! :(

Cheating is a cowardly act!! The way I see it, if you are considering cheating you have one of 2 choices in my opinion!! 1: TALK to your partner about the problem that is leaning you towards wanting to cheat and work it out or 2: BREAK UP!!

I see no need to cheat on someone ever!! You're an adult... if there is a problem TALK about it!! If you talk about it and still can't resolve the issue(s) then it's time to move on!! Life is too short to be with someone who does not make you happy!! :)

Good luck!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Self Esteem
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:15:39 AM
Some women could care less about what kind of car you drive, how big your house is OR your bank account!! Don't beat yourself up about it!! The sad reality is that you are by NO MEANS alone in that situation!! :(

You know your worth as a man... use THAT!! Not materialistic things to win a gal over... cause if she cares about those superficial things, then she's probably not worth your time!! :)

Good luck!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 93 (view)
 
No sexual attraction on first meet. Do I bother with a first date?
Posted: 4/4/2012 9:08:59 PM

So last night I met a guy (off another site). He is funny, we have a similar sense of humor, but I do not have the desire to have sex with him. Is this a deal breaker? I always thought you know almost instantly whether you want to have sex with someone. Do I bother meeting again? Do I tell him that I don't want to have sex with him? I am very open to friendship. Thanks Everyone.


I get the feeling by reading this that sex is an important part of a relationship to you "I've always thought you know almost instantly... " I too think that sex is a vital part of any relationship!! If I don't feel a strong sexual attraction to a guy, it usually does not go far!! I mean you can LOVE anyone, but what makes your lover different than your loved ones is the special intimacy you share with them and no one else!! I have TRIED to 'develop' sexual desires for 'great guys' before... but for me, if the physical attraction is not there... it just does not work out in the long run! :(

I would not be so blunt as to tell him you 'don't want to have sex with him' - that's a bit harsh, but since he is OBVIOUSLY attracted to you in that way, it would be unfair to him to give him false hope by going out on further 'dates' with him!! As another poster said, most guys are not really interested in being just friends with a woman!! And since he tried to kiss you and all that, his intentions are pretty clear.

I think if you back off and he does not 'take the hint' you can simply say something to the affect of 'you're a great guy and make me laugh, but I'm just not interested in you that way' and hope that you don't have to be any more blunt and potentially hurt his feelings!!

Good luck!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 105 (view)
 
She only prefers anal sex.
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:41:32 AM
HAHA

This is exactly WHY having that discussion about sexual compatibility is SO important PRIOR to having sex!! LMAO Now you are VESTED in her and are not sure how to deal/cope with it and are questioning things!! NOT a good sign!! :(

I guess we are all damned if we do and damned if we don't!!! HAHA
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
playing with the mess?
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:34:43 AM
Not only is it FUN... but it's GREAT for your skin... makes it all silky smooth!!

Cum contains citric acid, free amino acids, fructose, enzymes, phosphorylcholine, prostaglandin, potassium, and zinc!! Any of those look familiar?? :P
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
being sexually honest vs. lying in a relationship
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:03:19 AM
But what I've been told is that even if a woman is receptive to a sex only relationship, she does want to feel worth at least some effort to woo her.


Well... that or you'd have to have it SERIOUSLY going on to get a gal to 'spread her legs' on command!! LOL

But seriously, I know what you're saying OP!! And I DO have guys come at me like that all the time. I'm personally not LOOKING for just sex so I just inform them that I'm not interested!! But honestly, I think if that is all YOU are looking for, then it's better to be HONEST up front about it cause there ARE women who are looking for the same thing!! And NO ONE want's to get suckered into doing something!! JMO!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Sexiness clarification....how to really define it when searching for love in your profile?
Posted: 4/3/2012 11:58:49 PM
Since no two people's versions of 'SEXY' will ever be the same... it's not so much what OTHERS think about how sexy you are... it's more of an INTERNAL image!!

Like cautiousluv said: If YOU feel sexy, trust me someone will FIND you sexy!!

I have seen women that most would classify as average have guys SWARM over them!! Why, because they exude sexual energy and confidence!! "There is just something about them that is sexy"... you can't put your finger on it... but it's there!!

Confidence is VERY sexy!! No matter what you physically look like!! :)
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 316 (view)
 
girls with high sex drive
Posted: 3/10/2012 11:27:36 PM
Men complain that they are always stuck with women who don't want sex. Yet they repeatedly consider only these women for relationships. It's like they don't want to actually be with someone who has compatible needs.

What I have observed is this: If you tell a man about your sex drive, you're a floozy and not worthy of a relationship.

If you're a woman with low sex drive, this will turn him on. He likes the challenge. He'll continue to chase you until you give in. You'll have sex a bunch, early on in the relationship, just to "keep" him. You fake orgasms. You get married. Then you stop having sex with him and he's miserable.




This is unfortunately the sad reality for women who are 'sexually uninhibited and actually ENJOY' sex!!

My experience is that as soon as the topic of sex comes up and I start talking about it with a guy... suddenly that is ALL I am to him!!

Honestly... it's heartbreaking and exhausting!! Are sexually uninhibited women so few and far between that when a guy finds one he can't help but get MEGA EXCITED and not see anything else in her?? I mean... I can understand the excitement thing to a certain degree... but why does a guy go from respectably trying to get to know me to 'cock in hand'!!!

I wish a guy could look at me and get to know me but see my sexuality as just a HUGE PLUS that will be there READY, WILLING AND ABLE when the time is right!?!? Maybe just a pipe dream... but I keep hoping!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Waiting on Sex
Posted: 3/10/2012 10:57:54 PM
Your intuition served you well in this case (that 'feels right' thing!! LOL)... you 'paused' for a reason!! And lucky for you... you found out what that reason was WITHOUT giving it up!!


REASON: Obviously he was just interested in you for SEX... otherwise he would have stuck around after you said you wanted to wait a bit!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Waiting on Sex
Posted: 3/10/2012 10:47:49 PM
This is always fun!!

I've always been the "If it feels right do it" type!! If I'm feeling a guy... I go for!! I don't USE sex as a leverage tool to get what I want 'in the long run' so to speak. Although I can completely understand why women do this!!

Bottom line is... there is most certainly a double standard when it comes to sex for a man and woman!! And when you're a woman and you're really into a guy and are hoping for MORE than just sex... unfortunately you DO have to pause when the potential to have sex comes up!! Because SOME men will think you're a slut for 'just giving it up'... even though THEY basically do the exact same thing!!! LOL

What I WISH guys would realize is that just because a woman enjoys sex and is sexually uninhibited... that does not necessarily mean she is LOOSE or a SLUT!!

My sexuality is a HUGE part of who I am... and once I'm in a COMMITTED relationship, I'm like a crack addict needing a fix when it comes to intimacy and affection!! However I can count the number of men I've been with on my fingers a few toes and the last 'dry spell' I had was over 6 years (yes... you read that right, I did not have sex for 6 years... not saying my TOYS were not well used!! LOL)!!

But... if you DO WHAT FELT RIGHT at the time... (in the OP's case it was to NOT have sex) then you've been true to YOURSELF and that is what matters!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Getting too comfortable in a relationship?
Posted: 3/10/2012 10:27:20 PM
My personal opinion... I think it has more to do with PASSION dying than getting 'comfortable'!! lol The passion you have for each other in a relationship is what keeps it strong and makes it last!! Like another poster said "are you supposed to be UNCOMFORTABLE?" Once the passion dies... the relationship dies!!

I think when you hear people say things like "the grass is greener; he/she's always looking for something better; etc."... well that's just a cop out way of saying that someone in that relationship SETTLED for what they could get at the time, probably because they were just tired or scared of being alone!! Sad thing is that they probably went into the relationship knowing that they were settling and only half heatedly, basically having one foot out the door already!!

And you hear so often, "I'm looking for my best friend; friends first then who knows; looking for a friend and a lover" blah, blah, blah!! Well, I would argue that the 'FRIENDS above everything else' theory for KEEPING A RELATIONSHIP ALIVE is COMPLETE bull SH*%!!

Think about it this way.... how often have you heard of a relationship breaking up due to a LACK OF FRIENDSHIP?? NEVER!!! My point exactly!! While I think being 'friends' with your LOVER and being able to joke around and have a good time (what you do with platonic friends) is important... it's certainly NOT the glue that keeps the relationship strong and makes it last!! I mean you can LOVE anyone... but what makes your lover different than your loved ones is the intimate and passionate connection you share with them and no one else!!

But as with most things that are worth having... a PASSIONATE relationship takes work!!! The sad thing is NOT EVERYONE IS PASSIONATE when it comes to their relationship and their lover!! For most sex and instant gratification has replaced TRUE PASSION and INTIMACY!! It's a sad thing!! I have girlfriends who are married who say they only make love to their husbands a few times a MONTH?? For me that would be a fate worse than death!! HAHA The second that my LOVER becomes more like a roommate with bennies... well!!! lol

For me... once I've committed to a guy he IS my passion!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What's the very best thing that's ever happened for you on a first date?
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:34:58 PM
With all the heartfelt posts I've read... mine's gonna sound lame!! But here it is anyway!!
HAHA

I was on a date with a guy I met here on POF... we were having a great time, went out dancing and out of the blue... we are standing at the table and he just looks at me and says, "damn I can't take it any more" comes right up to me... gently puts both his hands on my face and just TAKES his first kiss!! It was passionate and extremely hot!! You don't have too many AMAZING first kisses!! But that is one I wont soon forget!!

I may be a little crazy in this regards... but I LOVE a man BEING a man!! I'm still looking for my CAVEMAN!!! HAHA Seems like guys are so timid now that they are afraid to make a move or show ANY masculinity!! For me... a guy that is not afraid to be a little aggressive is a VERY sexy thing!! Where oh where are all the CAVEMEN!?!?
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 294 (view)
 
girls with high sex drive
Posted: 3/5/2012 2:19:33 AM
I have a sex drive that is in OVERdrive!! But only when I'm in a committed relationship!! Otherwise I'm like a camel when it comes to sex... I go for EXTREMELY LONG periods without it!! LOL

For me sex is much more than just a physical thing... so I can't have 'casual sex', which is why Dark and I seem to be on the same dry spell!! Been about that long for me too!! And I too miss it... IMMENSELY!!!

Although I have aquired a rather impressive TOY and VIDEO collection after so many years!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Are you exclusive when you date?
Posted: 3/5/2012 1:00:49 AM
I guess I'm old fashioned too then!! If I like a guy enough to start 'dating' him... at that point he gets undivided attention!! Cause I can't concentrate on more than one guy at a time!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 12:35:08 AM

No way no how. If its to that point that we are more friends than lovers then its time to move on.


What he said!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Just Me...Or are men becoming more Passive?
Posted: 1/11/2012 6:20:31 AM
CharityTrue:


Through the yrs, I've come to realise, that the thing that makes me happiest, is helping him to be happy... When i make him happy, he does everything I want to keep me happy... And I am ashamed to say, it doesn't work the other way around...

See for me, this would be funny and flirtacious way of him letting me know he was still attracted to me, kinda like a slap on the ass, I find it fun and sexy... Believe it or not, many women would LOVE for their husbands to do this to them....It's just a shame you had one like this and did not appreciate his playful attention..

What you're calling aggressive action, is to me, just a bit of slap & tickle, naughty fun, the very oil that keeps a marriage well-lubricated and running smoothly; easiness, playfulness, sexy teasing... Without these things married life would be very grim indeed...

The last 3 generations of boys have grown up (UK and US) with a sense of almost shame about being boys, masculinity manhood... Particularly amongst the chattering classes... It's wrong...


Great FEMALE minds think alike cause I could not agree more with everything you said!! It's sad that more women don't ENJOY being just that... women!! As I previously stated, equality for things like jobs, voting etc. is one thing... but I certainly don't want to BE a guy or ACT like one!! Let the guy's do their thing and be proud of it (they have testosterone for a reason and I personally love it!!) and I'll do mine... it's the natural order of things and it has ALWAYS worked well!!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/11/2012 6:03:13 AM

Too many give up all together at some point. I have seen it many times. So sad. I like the old saying if a horse bucks you off, get right back on and show them who is the boss. I say never give up just keep trying. Learn from the past and keep moving forward. Our past can harden the heart only if we let it. If we choose to look for the learning experience in our past it doesnt have to feel so bad and our heart wont get so tough as to not let a new person enter into our future.


Exceptionally well said and I could not agree more!!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Revenge an eye for an eye?
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:47:41 AM

That’s cold!

Did you invite the guys from his fantasy football league over to watch the game?


Ah... sweet revenge!! But sadly no, not that sort of game... but we do have frequent COD marathons!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:25:07 AM

He's pretty proper and reserved when we're together. Kind of quiet, although we talk and laugh and are comfortable with each other. He's a gentleman. He gets close to me and compliments me and all that...but he hasn't really overtly made a move of any kind in person. He's made reference's to sex through IM/texts...and we've talked sexual likes/dislikes via IM. He kind of hints at sex, but more in a joking, *wink wink* way.


You've answered your own question!! HE'S A GENTLEMAN!!!

I don't understand what the 'rush' is if you are enjoying each other and there is mutual interest, it's only been a month - ENJOY IT!! It's called GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE before becoming intimate??

I know that may sound like an unfamiliar thing in today's day and age, but OMG I wish there were more guys like him out there!! If you mess it up... send him my way!! (JK of course, I wish you only the best!! )

Give it some time and if you get to a point where you HAVE to have it... just make it completely obvious with the next KISS you guys share (it's not a hard thing to do!!)!! There is nothing that says that YOU can't be the one to give the green light and put your foot on the gas peddle!!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 33 (view)
 
never married, must be a virgin
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:08:05 AM
Ridiculous!!

I'm 42 and have never been married... but I'm certainly not a virgin!!

Maybe she just says this to make herself feel better or to justify why she's neither married nor sexually active?? An 'I'm not weird or different', safety in numbers sorta thing, you know??

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 131 (view)
 
Revenge an eye for an eye?
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:02:39 AM
I think the only 'revenge' type thing I've ever done was getting an even BIGGER big screen TV when my ex took the old one!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:27:25 AM
Is this how the wave got started in sporting events: women in the stands waving good-bye to all of the guys?





Once-burned...


but to be dumped because you are too amazing? I couldn't process that.


I know right?? I think that almost makes it MORE difficult to swallow the break up... I mean if someone breaks if off and is claiming you're a crazy bitch or an asshole, that you can understand (cause no matter how 'amazing' any of us may be, we all have our MOMENTS!! LOL)... but for them to break it off still boasting how wonderful you are?? That is just completely perplexing!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:07:08 AM
Again MrsPollifax I thank you for your calling me out on my many faults (cause you know me so well... and apparently are a big fan of my VERY RECENT involvement in these forums!!) Cudo's to you for keeping dibs on all of us in such a loving and caring manner!!

I promise that I will make every effort to be less 'rude and manipulative' in the future!! Like I said, what would the rest of us do without wonderful people such as yourself to keep us all in check!!

Case closed!! Happy Fishing MrsPollifax!!


Tom:

Well... I can't speak for any other women... but I personally would LOVE to find that open and available guy!! haha I think we'd be an amazing match!! Don't get me wrong, I have found a couple in my life... but I think people (both men and women) are more likely to be reserved and distant than completely open with their hearts and feelings.

Feel free to send any of those 'open and available' guys my way!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:59:02 AM
MrsPollifax

Thank you for the vocab/writing lesson and critique (oh and the high school name calling was a nice touch!! HAHA)... cause that is of course why we are all here!! What would the rest of us do without people like you!!


Apurfectmeow

We are human and people are going to hurt us. That doesnt mean Im going to run in the other direction when Im having feelings for a man; they are rare. I know Im wacky but thats just nuts. What ever happened to embracing love? Why are so many people (women in particular) on a dating site (none the less) afraid of love?


I agree... love is sadly not openly embraced by many any more!! It seems like it is looked at with doubt, distrust and skepticism!! Too many things seem to get in the way and it is truly tragic!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Just Me...Or are men becoming more Passive?
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:47:33 AM
I think Sauder and Luke got it right.... cause I'm the same way!!

I don't think it's a passive thing per-say, it's more a 'whatever cause I have no opinion on the matter' thing!! I'm pretty mellow and laid back and certainly NOT PICKY so when it comes to a lot of things... I just GENUINELY don't care one way or the other, so whatever he wants is fine!!

If I DO care, trust me... I'll make my wishes know... but most of the time, it's just not a big deal!!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:34:55 AM
Abelian:


It's something I can't understand and have no patience with. The last person I'd want to be involved with is someone with psychological problems with respect to relationships. If beig too available turned someone off, she was welcome to see how she liked unavailable when I went looking for someone who could appreciate my availability. I don't like playing games. Women who don't want men who are too available are destined for hit and quit guys.


I agree... I don't understand it fully myself!! I'm still learning how to 'recognize' it in others, cause every time I'm hit by the WAVE it seems to come out of left field and I'm left standing there wondering what the hell just happened!! HAHA



MrsPollifax


I'm a woman and have never seen Sex and the City. Pop psychology and basing your reflection of life on a television show, a silly television show at that. It just makes me shake my head in wonder.


I have never watched it either, it was part of the article... which is why I put the "I had to Google it" in there!! The author was trying to make a HYPOTHETICAL reference that she though lots could relate to and would know about (it IS a popular show so I'm told)!!

PLEASE read before you post and for the love of GOD, I wish everyone would stop taking EVERYTHING so literal!!



Peech12


That, and know that someday, they will be kicking themselves for letting you go and a big part of them will always be wondering, "What if I hadn't gotten scared and had just gone with it... would I be happier than I currently am? Did I make a big mistake?"


This I know for a FACT!! I can't tell you how many times a guy has thrown the WAVE at me, breaking my heart and leaving me wondering what just happened and then 6 months later messaged me saying how 'he realizes now how much he sacrificed when he gave me up' asking me for a second chance!!!

Hurt me once... shame on you.... hurt me twice!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
so, she gave me her #
Posted: 1/9/2012 5:12:13 PM

The next day, I text her out of courtesy to ask when would be a good time to call. A couple hours later she replies and said around 7;30 pm. Unfortunately that time didn't work for me so she responces, maybe tomorrow.


Why did you wait until the NEXT DAY to make contact via the phone number she gave you?? Usually when I give my number to a guy he texts or calls me immediately... he does not wait a day or two??

Maybe she thinks you're playing with her... I can understand you're trying to be courteous, but there comes a point where courtesy and "not wanting to look desperate and too forward" can be interpreted as a LACK OF INTEREST!!

If you are unsure as to where you stand now... maybe you should text or call her to find out!! Or if you're uncomfortable doing that... send her a message in her inbox explaining what happened and how you're feeling?! If she does not respond you'll have your answer!!

GOOD LUCK!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:13:39 PM

Yes i think the wave is when everything is going right and then boom
you back out..
It is when its past the first few months belly flips an all


That is MY experience... it usually happens after a few months... after the 'lust' phases intensity peaks and you start to REALLY get to know each other and all that entails.

I would have to agree that the people who create these WAVES are certainly commitment phobics!! haha That by its very definition is fear!!

So is one capable of NOT being fearful when it comes to a relationship and being hurt?? To me it's just something that comes with the territory... I mean if you want REAL, HONEST, TRUE LOVE then you have to be open to it and be prepared to get DEMOLISHED if it ends!!

But for as many times as I've been DESTROYED emotionally when love ends.... I would NOT in a million years trade that pain for the PURE JOY I felt while we were IN LOVE!! The joy outweighs absolutely everything!!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Why do I feel guilty?
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:03:10 PM

You feel guilty because you have empathy. Your actions were innocent in intent. You don't owe him an apology.


I agree!! If you both had agreed to be exclusive, you did nothing wrong by 'popping by'... you even sent him a text telling him that you may come by. As far as you knew his lack of response was because he was sleeping (he did say he was tired).

Don't feel guilty, it's not YOUR fault!! You did nothing wrong!!
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/9/2012 11:53:29 AM

I didn't mean "ping" as in sexual chemistry.
I meant you ping when you feel "ah, I'm home".
Many people can't relax or open up or feel safe (possibly they didn't grow up in that kind of environment) so a safe, loving relationship doesn't ping them. It doesn't feel like home to them. It's not a "place" in which they feel at ease or "normal" or good.
They might not even view a good relationship as a good relationship.


Ah, I see... Yes, there will always be those 'dysfunctional' people who are (and sadly probably always will be) incapable of making a real connection and having a genuinely good relationship.

So I guess for the sake of the topic we can just say that THE WAVE pertains to people who are actually CAPABLE of a real and MEANINGFUL relationship!!

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/9/2012 11:42:17 AM
Now I think that things are getting sidetracked off what the ORIGINAL 'article' was talking about. It was talking about when we unconsciously SABOTAGE a potentially good relationship out of FEAR of getting hurt:


“The ‘Wave’ occurs when we unconsciously push a CARING AND AVAILABLE person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth.”

“Something inside us knows [this person] can get to our nest, our soul — the place where we care the most and can be HURT the most. And our unconscious gets panicked.”

"Those who give in to the WAVE fall out of love before they even give themselves a chance to fall properly IN love"


So I guess what I'm curious about (since I've seen this and also DONE this) is HOW does everyone else move towards preventing this!!?? I've worked very hard at becoming more open and honest and available with my feelings and heart (I was not always that way).

I have spent YEARS trying to spot the warning signs of when I begin to feel that fear and learned to try to analyze WHY I'm beginning to shy away (if that is what I'm doing)... SOMETIMES there are those RED FLAGS you speak of and those are the times I cut and run (with good reason), but the WAVE is referring to the times when it's not really a rational move per-say... it's something done purely out of fear of getting hurt by someone that could TRULY care about us and WE could truly care for (and FEAR loosing)...




Cheeky: I feel ya girl and have had that exact same experience!! When I was younger I was the wave maker... now I'm the wave receiver!! haha
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/9/2012 11:24:45 AM
Hey Cheeky and welcome!!

I could not agree with you more about that PING (I call it the VIBE lol).... when it happens it's AMAZING and what a ride!!

Being the person who is not ruled by fear in terms of relationships, I find myself being the recipient of the WAVE more often than the one creating it!! I have OFTEN had guys break it off with me all the while still boasting how wonderful I am, how lucky the guy that ends up with me will be... bla bla bla... and you bring up a great point....

IS it a right person wrong time thing.... or is it just mearly a FEAR thing??

I sorta look at it like people who are 'planning' on doing something until the TIME IS RIGHT (like having a baby, taking a vacation, doing something they REALLY WANT)... there will ALWAYS be things that come up to potentially delay that plan, life is complicated!! Always WILL be...

So at what point do you just decide to TAKE that LEAP OF FAITH and give it a REAL shot?? And stop making excusses for why it's not right NOW??

 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
The WAVE... what do you think??
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:59:48 AM
The WAVE is more about once that PING is already established I think!! I'm all to aware of that PING!! haha It's the main reason I've been single most of my life... I don't PING often!!

Once you progress past that initial attraction and start to 'open up' to the other person!! That is when the WAVE happens... out of fear of being hurt. Even though you may PING with that person and they are awesome, your FEAR overrides your heart and what you may KNOW is a good thing!!

The WAVE = Fear of being hurt sabotaging something that could be wonderful if opened yourself up to it!!

The PING = The initial PRIMAL attraction that you have to someone that makes you WANT and NEED to learn more about them.

 
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