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 Author Thread: Why do men change?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Why do men change?
Posted: 2/17/2019 4:35:33 PM
When I was still dating I always talked online for about a week before meeting.That pretty much always weeded out the undesirables. Most won't waste more than a few days before bringing up something sexual if that's their intention.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Valentines day and what it means to us 'life experienced' mature folks
Posted: 2/13/2019 4:12:51 PM
Disliked it ever since I was a young child. Remember making a Valentine box to hold all our Valentines in school. Also remember one poor kid who got one, from me. My mother knew enough to make sure I gave one to everyone, apparently the only one. The teacher told everyone after that they should give everyone one like I did. Probably embarrassed him more. I remember feeling so badly for him and his mother knowing how she would feel when she looked into his Valentine box and saw one.
Older, newly divorced, seeing all the men come into work to buy chocolates and flowers just made me feel more alone.
Some holidays, most holidays are hard on those alone. Not saying anyone shouldn't celebrate whatever they want, I've celebrated Valentine's days, mostly low key, small gift, maybe dinner. Always seemed forced to me.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 66 (view)
 
What simple joys of life would you like to share with a significant other.
Posted: 1/25/2019 6:18:54 PM
Times I really miss having a significant other is when I'm doing yard work. Especially when all that grass is cut and I sit down to admire it, alone.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 6:31:30 PM
Exactly ontheotherhand. The men I dated with no friends drove me crazy. I like being alone but they didn't understand this and wanted to be together constantly, even when I said I'd sooner be alone. I even told one of them "Go find a friend or a hobby" because he was driving me crazy.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 8:04:05 PM
I don't think it's that unusual for someone to not have friends. Kind of odd in this day and age of multiple online "friends". I dated a few men who didn't have any friends. Nice enough men. I don't have any friends, few years ago cut ties with my two best friends. More than a few co workers have told me they don't have friends.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 1/18/2019 1:41:34 PM
No shirt, doesn't drive (I live in the county, no buses), complaining about past women, looking for women 20-30 years their junior, obsessed with their pet.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Are you ready to sleep with these two?
Posted: 12/14/2018 1:17:16 PM
My ex husband once woke me up out of a dead sleep so I could move closer to the edge of the bed. Our dog was sprawled out in the middle, taking up at least half the bed. Didn't want to disturb the dog!
I don't mind peoples pets, don't want to sleep with them.
What's up with all these men I see hiding little dogs in their jackets while shopping?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
When a couple feels bait & switched but really only one was.
Posted: 12/7/2018 4:47:06 PM
I wasn't talking about men showing/having emotions. Of course they do, they're human. I was talking about dealing with life and it's problems. I know it's not just me after talking to a few co workers. Whiners, wanting to be coddled/taken care of. Victim complexes. Always looking for a woman to live with because they won't get a place of their own. Looking for a woman to mooch off. Refusing to take care of their children, emotionally and financially. Not all men, probably not even the majority but I've seen enough to find it worrisome. More like spoiled children than men.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
When a couple feels bait & switched but really only one was.
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:53:54 PM
In my experiences a lot of men are clingy and needy. They hide it at first or maybe I just don't notice it. Was just having this conversation with a co worker. She was with a seemingly perfect guy and things ended up like this. She left, he fell apart. I'm old, 61, grew up believing men were the emotionally stronger sex, turns out they're mostly not.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Attachment theory seems to explain my dating type and problems
Posted: 11/11/2018 6:13:10 PM
I'm a Dismissive-avoidant and always attract Anxious-preoccupied like you mentioned. They do tend to try my patience though and none have ever worked out.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 10/13/2018 7:47:51 PM
When I was about 43 I dated a man who was 55, your age, who also had 3 children that were younger than yours. I also had younger children so it wasn't a big deal. I would think your chances of finding someone would be better if you dated a little younger. I know at 55 I would not have wanted to deal with all the kid stuff again.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
is it normal if he wants to meet you once a week?
Posted: 10/9/2018 6:27:32 PM
This would suit me just fine but I am not looking to marry or move in with anyone. I would be more concerned about no or little communication during the week.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
do not understand men on POF
Posted: 9/28/2018 6:50:07 PM
Your response to him was kinda vague. Maybe you could have said you had just lost someone dear to you in the text. While his response was rude I think he thought you were giving him the brush off. Maybe you could have called him instead of texting?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
back with new profile, but years old pics from last profile.
Posted: 9/28/2018 6:40:08 PM
spot4username, those who are always in the New Users section. My take, they come up in people searching for new users so they continue to delete and activate their profile over and over. Everytime I've left and come back (and shown up as a new member) my mail has increased. Man in my area, for years came up as a new user. I think that's what he was doing.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 155 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 9/9/2018 2:31:58 PM
Other than blocking the obvious rude/sex messages I've only blocked two men. Both I had met, both continued to forget who I was despite me telling them a couple of times. Finally I just blocked them. Kinda rude to block for no reason.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Forum people
Posted: 9/9/2018 1:15:56 PM
There was a thread once about whether reading and participating in the forums helped or hindered you in here. I was of the opinion that it hindered me. Before the forums I never worried about who paid/what we wore/etc. I took each meet with an open heart. Now, lol, if I were still dating I would be running all these topics through my head.
In here we're using our heads, not our hearts when we post opinions. Easy to do from our chairs.
I'm sure in real life forum people are no better or worse than non forum people.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Advice please?
Posted: 9/8/2018 5:05:03 PM
" might just focus on my relationship with my sister because she made pretty good chocolate cupcakes recently and gave me and my boyfriend quite a few"
Seriously?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What to do?
Posted: 9/7/2018 4:52:48 PM
" My parents absolutely hate him and my friends want me to dump him. I need an objective opinion."
Your parents and your friends care about you and want the best for you. If they all hate him trust their opinions.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/30/2018 7:55:12 PM
You rejected her and any help she offered. Your behaviour was atrocious. You need to seek professional help, you are so down on yourself you're not ever going to allow yourself to be happy.
I don't think she will ever want to date you again. 5 weeks and all this drama/negativity, who needs that?
Work on yourself and try again when you're in a better place with someone else.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Opinions please, and advice if you can.
Posted: 8/30/2018 7:45:37 PM
This is exactly why I finally stopped dating. The drama/lies/games. Why is he lying about her? If it was so innocent he would just tell the truth. He is not done with this woman for whatever reason,he still needs her in his life in some form. If she didn't matter he would just cut contact, stop following her on social media.
It's causing problems in his current relationship with you yet he still isn't willing to change things or even tell the truth. I wouldn't be staying in a relationship where I felt I was being lied to.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 8/20/2018 2:49:10 AM
I agree, dog pictures are a red flag to me. Knew a few men who treated their dogs like their babies, were totally obsessed with them. Also shirtless pictures. No reason for this while you're sitting at your computer.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Living at home.
Posted: 8/18/2018 8:46:30 PM
Glad you've decided to go for it. I see nothing but good things for everyone involved.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 80 (view)
 
without women ~ life would not be worth living
Posted: 8/10/2018 4:23:57 PM
Backcreek7,that was a beautiful way to describe women. Thank you.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Lame topic
Posted: 8/9/2018 4:18:48 PM
I remember wanting to be a princess, I was 5.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How serious do people believe Reality TV like the Bachelor(ette)?
Posted: 8/7/2018 5:48:09 PM
I watched The Bachelorette once, years ago, after listening to co workers carry on about it. Saddest show I ever saw. All these women crying and upset because they believed they'd be the one.
Only reality show I watch is Big Brother. Was a big fan when it first came out, with real people appearing on it. Then it became full of star wannabe's and no one believable. This season seems to be more like it was when it originally came out.
People watch anything that will let them forget their/the world's problems for a little while. Nothing wrong with that.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/6/2018 6:12:27 PM
One thing I've witnessed over the years is that people want what they can't have. Watch a man or woman who is being treated badly or ignored by someone they either are dating or want to date and they will bend over backwards trying to please them. Put up with poor treatment.
How many times in here have we asked people why they are allowing this? I think sometimes this represents a challenge. Nice people aren't a challenge. Just another viewpoint.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/2/2018 2:54:58 AM
It's true, especially when younger, some women will go for the excitement of a "bad boy". Usually as they mature they realize there's no future with these guys.
I've dated both and at least the bad boys are honest. I've dated a number of "nice guys" who really weren't that nice, at least not as nice as they thought they were.
No backbone doesn't mean you're nice. Being a doormat doesn't mean you're nice.
There's a lot of nice women out there but I don't recall ever hearing them refer to themselves as a "nice girl" vs. a "bad girl".
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Modern dating
Posted: 7/17/2018 6:58:40 PM
", BE AT HOME RAISING THE KIDS LIKE A DECENT CARING MOTHER USED TO, while the man is at work earning the money to support his family, but most women are not doing, that these days n trying to be men instead" I don't remember millions of single mothers back in the good old days either" Traditionally men went to work n women looked after the home n children" The solid family unit is now a thing of the past n that's due to feminism n equality BS" THESE DAYS MOST WOMEN GO TO WORK N DUMP THEIR CHILDREN WITH STRANGERS TO BRING THEM UP N THAT'S NOT GOOD RESPONSIBLE MOTHERING AT ALL"
The problems with the solid family is not the fault of feminism. You can be a feminist and still be married with children. Why all these single moms? Where are the fathers? You're blaming women when in fact a lot are being abandoned along with their children. Also most women can't afford to stay home, a lot would love to. Why are women doing the bulk of child rearing and being chastised by you for this?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 44 (view)
 
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/10/2018 7:24:19 PM
"I think one reason why some people are opposed to living together under on roof with a partner and want each to have separate homes is because of having an easier exit strategy if things don't work out in the end. "

True. I never want to have to go through that again. I also no longer trust a relationship enough to give up my own home. If it doesn't work out one of you is going to have to look for a place and start all over, harder yet if you both own your homes and one was sold.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 179 (view)
 
Older men's expectations
Posted: 5/5/2018 5:33:08 PM
This also isn't true for all older women. Most women my age (61) that I work with and know personally aren't interested in a relationship. They've either had a great marriage and prefer to stay alone or have had troublesome relationships and no longer want the drama in their lives.
I myself am quite content to be alone for the rest of my life. I've noticed the opposite, men hate being alone and continue to look for a partner well into their 70's.
So maybe it all averages out in the end.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Can I keep my female Friend if I have a Girlfriend?
Posted: 5/4/2018 9:06:29 AM
MsMicki's right, honesty is the best policy. I dated a couple of men who had female friends, didn't have a problem with it until I found out down the road(from others) they had been more than friends at one point. That would have been fine too if they hadn't lied about it. If you're open and honest about it she'll see it's nothing to worry about.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 49 (view)
 
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 7:42:11 AM
I don't believe any child should go without. That's why I believe young single moms should take advantage of our free daycare/job training. They should try to better the lives of themselves and their children, not live a life on government assistance.
Working minimum wage and being treated like a slave is preferable to setting a horrible example for your children. All my children earn a good wage and live a good life. I worked many a minimum wage job which eventually turned into a good paying job.
I don't think this is about slut shaming(did anyone actually do this?). This is about people(not just single moms) being content to spend their lives on assistance while the rest of the world provides for them.
There are better ways to live then living on assistance. Fair for everyone would actually mean those capable of working do so.
Maybe then there would be more money for those unable to work.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 46 (view)
 
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 12:20:31 AM
"I believe in helping people that need it, but I'm also big on personal responsibility."

Exactly.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 4:08:13 PM
"The ignorance in this statement is astounding. You really should educate yourself before you go spewing this nonsense. If it was really as simple as you think this problem would have been eradicated long ago. Teen pregnancy is mostly a product of poverty. Shaming women and forcing families who themselves are most likely struggling with poverty to be sole support for their offsprings children is doing nothing but perpetuating this cycle. BTW in your world are the fathers of these teen pregnancies going to have any consequences? Your hatred of women is bizarre at best. Keeping people poor and making them sicker is not the answer to teen pregnancy. Hope and opportunity is. Teen pregnancy is highest in the poorest neighbourhoods. Once you become a teen mother you are in for a life of poverty with little chance of escape, So how is keeping people poor working for you? They really need reliable daycare and education if they hope to escape, not constant judging and shaming from people who really don't have a clue what they're talking about."

I stand by what I wrote. I grew up in poverty. My alcoholic father left my mother with 5 children and never paid a cent. She was a typist and never earned what was needed so we did without. However, because she did work fulltime so did all her children. Not one of us had a child young and went on assistance. I credit her for the great example she gave to her children. I myself raised 3 children mostly alone after my divorce. I also worked, sometimes 2 jobs. My 3 sons all work despite also growing up in poverty. I mirrored my mothers work ethic and also passed that along to my sons.
I let my sons know that if they were to father a child while they were young they would get a job and their entire pay cheque would go to taking care of their child. (Not one of them fathered a child).

"So how is keeping people poor working for you? They really need reliable daycare and education if they hope to escape, not constant judging and shaming from people who really don't have a clue what they're talking about."

I am not shaming teen moms for having a child. I'm angry that they show no incentive to better their lives. We have free day care here in Canada, free job training. Where did I imply I want or are keeping people poor?
Again I am not judging them for having a child, or 3, I am judging them for not taking responsibility for the lives they bring into this world. My mom worked with 5 children, I worked with 3, neither of us had family helping.
Having a child should not be an excuse to never have to work.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 2:18:19 AM
Here in Canada it's an epidemic. Because they had a baby teen moms can now get their own place all paid for by us taxpayers. They get child tax credits, free drugs, free bus passes, gifts at Christmas from many charitable organizations. They don't have to work, ever. I've seen moms sitting home all day when their kids are in high school.
I think back in the day the parents of teen moms supported their child and grandchild. Maybe we should go back to that, stop the romantic ideas these teens have of their own place and a cute baby to go with it.
The amount of people I've known who had children and then lied about the dad also living there (and working) is mind boggling. It's become a pay cheque rather than a hand up to far too many.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Your last date was when?
Posted: 4/27/2018 10:25:25 AM
When I was still dating I often contacted men first. Don't recall any difference between who contacted who first when it came to expectations of sex. I think most were flattered and maybe relieved they didn't have to do the chasing for a change.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/25/2018 12:19:56 PM
Last few long term relationships we kept separate homes and that suits me. I like my alone time. I like coming home after work and not having to worry about talking to/pleasing someone else. I like sleeping alone.
This bothered most men I've dated. Most wanted to come over/sleep over all week long.
I think it's more common to be comfortable being alone as we age.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 151 (view)
 
Older men's expectations
Posted: 4/25/2018 11:24:17 AM
This is kinda hilarious, found this in my inbox today.
"HELLO DEAR AN VERY VERY NICE MEETING YOU AN IM DAVID AN LIVES FISHING AN BOATING SINCE I LIVE 100 YARDS FROM LAKE ERIE AN LOVE CAMPING AN BONFIRES AN MUSIC AN LOVE ALL KINDS OF ANIMALS AN I HAVE 120 3D MOVIES AN 80 ARE ACTION 3D MOVIES AN 40 ARE HORROR 3D MOVIES WITH 3D GLASSES TO WEAR"

This man is also from the US, (I'm in Canada). No pizza with this guy but more 3D movies than the original one.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Boys making Men look bad
Posted: 4/21/2018 10:07:40 AM
julystorm, I have 3 sons. I remember when they were seeing a girl, meaning dating/sleeping with her they would correct me if I said "your girlfriend".
They'd respond "She's not my girlfriend".
I'd say "You're dating her, sleeping with her, what is she?"
They'd just shake their head like I didn't understand anything.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Progress?
Posted: 4/20/2018 6:14:47 PM
"Tires went flat-FAST, because they had tubes. "
No more tubes? Bicycle or car?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 5:49:23 PM
Nice. I like nice people. People who think about others, care about their comfort/feelings. Funny how everyone thinks they're nice but truly nice people, who aren't always benefiting in some way from being nice to others are few and far between.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
POF Requlars of 10+ years, a question for you...
Posted: 4/19/2018 5:20:27 PM
I should be offended but all this is absolutely true!
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How to date someone who has their kids half of the time?
Posted: 4/16/2018 3:52:33 PM
"I've not had a long term relationship with a man who has children before so am not sure how this works."
You said long term so that was what I based my answer on.
Let him take the lead, if he's interested he'll make time for you.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How to date someone who has their kids half of the time?
Posted: 4/15/2018 11:36:04 AM
Babysitters and going out all the time gets old. I would imagine if it works out with this gentleman you'll be expected to spend time at his house with his children.
When my children were young and I was in a long term relationship we mostly stayed home. We often made plans that included the children when we went out.
If a man has 3 minor children and he is in a long term relationship it's not going to work if the woman isn't willing to be in his children's lives.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Who messages you and you know they're not compatible?
Posted: 4/13/2018 9:44:20 PM
Sometimes the differences between us is what makes it work. I don't put a lot of stock in profiles, I prefer to judge upon meeting. In the past I've been put off by spelling/grammer but upon meeting found them to be intelligent men, just poor spellers.
Obvious huge differences I'll point that out and leave it to them if they still want to meet.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/13/2018 7:47:04 PM
In the forums everything's a big deal. Everything! How you dress, who pays, where you meet/how you get there, text or phone, what constitutes a date/relationship and on and on.
While dating I didn't really experience any of this and reading all this may have scared me off OLD.
Some wisdom in here, some disappointed people, some naive people, just like in real life.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 41 (view)
 
You know you are getting OLD when...
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:23:33 PM
OHenry, "And if the sex is “horrible”, maybe you should take some of the blame? It takes two, and you are equally responsible"
I will not take any responsibility for that last time!
Man I had been dating for a year or two. lol It's kinda funny now but wasn't then. Sex had never been great but he had other good qualities and this balanced things out.
Some men as they age want to try/experience everything they ever thought about before they get too old. So this guy would make me dress up, bought me a sexy outfit with a thong. (Had never worn one and had it on backwards). Then he puts on a porn, it was based on the show "Who's The Boss" and the star was a lookalike of the skinny blond kid. Not sexy.
Then he refuses to accept my refusal to do a certain thing. The whole thing was kinda sad/desperate on his part. He showed no interest in my feelings or wants, it was all about him and his fantasies.
Another porn he put on one time showed a woman receiving double penetration and her crying, crying so much her mascara was running all over her face. How is that a turn on?
Some people are just ***holes. In and out of bed.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 230 (view)
 
VERY LOW OPINION OV MY SELF EVEN LOWER
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:09:39 PM
He has now taken it off.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 34 (view)
 
You know you are getting OLD when...
Posted: 4/8/2018 6:49:33 PM
That's funny julystorm. I'm 61 now. Last time I had sex was about 4 years ago. About 5 years ago I kept thinking this might be my last time having sex every time I did.
So the last time I did have sex I thought "Hope this isn't the last time because this was horrible".
So the bad sex was my last time.
Still pisses me off.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 213 (view)
 
VERY LOW OPINION OV MY SELF EVEN LOWER
Posted: 4/7/2018 2:36:09 PM
I'm saying everyone is attracted to a 10. However not all of us are a 10 or can get a 10. The same people whining that attractive women or men won't give them the time of day are the same ones who continue to only message the most attractive on this site. They don't like being judged on their looks but are doing the exact same thing.
I've dated attractive men and I've dated not so attractive men. The not so attractive men had a whole lot going on besides their looks and that made them attractive to me.
 
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