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 Author Thread: Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/11/2013 3:37:40 AM
You are original :)
I have my lovely jack russell susie woo and my youngest who is very loving and
tactile. But if I didn't you could be a possibility and of course if you were not so far away!
Thank you for such a good sense of humour, I will smile all day with that thought :))
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/11/2013 3:30:48 AM
Thank you jmv2011 really good advice and you are right I must not let old patterns of beliefs stop me from
accepting all the good loving possibilities.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/8/2013 3:04:01 AM
Thank you igorfrankensteen I am aware that what I know is only limited to past experiences, knowledge & attributions, so seeing things in a different way is always good and that is something i have to take a risk on. What are my assumptions and recognising them.
I must admit I was nervous putting this thread on as didn't know what reactions I might get and so pleasantly suprised
with how kind and thoughtful you all are.
Off out to night on a date to see a band and just enjoy the moment without worrying if and when...or long term thoughts of fitting in and the statusquo.
You have opened my perspective X
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 4:21:57 PM
Yes non cohabit is what I have experinced before after divorcing and we just drifted away from each other.
But it may work with the right person.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 4:14:55 PM
Thank you forumitejunkie a healthy way of living.
You have reminded me of a fear that living with some one could make me codependent
due to an easy going nature and past relationship issues of control.
Psychologically i know that in theory the healthy relationships have bounderies
that eb and flow between two people and one person does not manipulate the other
or set up imovable bounderies/walls.
Conclusion being that I have not met a man like that so far which in a way must be
something to do with me if i attract this a barrier to go through?
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:53:55 PM
Good point Giggles10000 being warey is how I feel as not needing to be with someone
but as lots of sites and positive messages say that wanting a partner in your life.
I am questioning if i do even want maybe through fear if honest a man who is so close
to me emotionally. My defences have been up for so long.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:40:52 PM
Yes good advice and a more open perspective, thank you :)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:38:00 PM
LilliMarleen you look so happy, how wonderful.
The right person a good point I suppose time and aging is making me look to the
future as I live now.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:33:43 PM
Thank you 'U make it entertaining' I hope that happens.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:29:59 PM
I can't imagine anyone marrying me after so long and have only just realised this which is strange.
Questioning the whole concept of being a couple as I am so much older.
Are you sure about wanting to marry again and how have you come to this conclusion if you do not
mind me asking?
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:13:12 PM
I have to admit that since dating again I am finding it difficult to see myself as part of a couple,
party because after 12 years of bringing up my children and having to cope alone it would feel restrictive and
alien to share.
Does anyone else feel like this?
I do want a loving relationship but not sure how?
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 720 (view)
 
bald guys
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:07:10 PM
Just to add to this very long thread as can't believe it is still going!
Bold mmmmmxxxxxx very nice :))
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 90 (view)
 
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:30:00 AM
What a wierd thing to say...listen to your intuition.
If you are confident and do not take his words or the dating
as a long term relationship thing...then fine.
But if you wanted more from him...run a mile...he is trying to
see how low you may think of yourself....so it gives him the upper hand.
Try it on the other foot by telling him how if only he wasn't so ( you choose fault)
he would be so much more attractive.
But personally can't\won't do drama and mind games.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Married
Posted: 3/6/2013 3:08:10 AM
Like it Fraudian and Stray cat really made me smile :)
I do not date seperated men as i would want to meet a man who has not yet recovered
from some of the past emotional pain and reactions to it.
Anyone can state anything on this site...and having a good sense of humour, objective out look
and good filtering techniques helps a bit.
Married women and men are on this site...they are just greedy ego fueling fools and do get found out.
And the married men who want extra marital sex are really funny.......such big egos....and thinking
any self respecting intelligent female would touch with a barge pole.
And on text speech if the other person is replying with closed statements and you feel like your pulling teeth
you give up on texts and we are all so busy his non reply could be for any reason.
Just don't worry about it or chat with him again :))
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 95 (view)
 
All these younger men...
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:49:54 PM
VERY SIMPLY MEN WHO ARE YOUNGER FEEL THAT AN OLDER WOMAN IS EASIER TO CONVINCE FOR SEX AS I.E. THEY WOULD BE FLATTERED THAT A YOUNG FIT VIRIL YOUNG MAN WOULD WANT THEM & IT IS GOOD FOR HER AND HIS EGO AS HE DOESN'T NEED TO INVEST IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP AS SHE IS MORE EXPERIENCED AND HE MAY ASSSUME DOES NOT HAVE ALL THOSE SILLY EMOTIONS OF ATTTACHMENT THAT SOME YOUNGER WOMEN WANT FROM HIM....& YOU BEING OLDER MEANS YOUR MORE LIKELY TO HAVE MORE MONEY.
DON'T BE FLATTERED
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 89 (view)
 
The dumbing down of society and its impact on children and public mindset towards intelligence
Posted: 1/18/2013 12:01:17 PM
Oh so true!
As an example my son is lucky enough to be fairly free thinking and intelligent. He has got into a top university from a poor single parent family. One of his fellow students has a Tory/Conservative MP as a father who recently wanted to get rid of any protection of low paid workers and was luckily stopped( by Vince Cable a fair minded MP).
My point is this rich ruling elite student voices his low opinions of working class people i.e. " the poor don't know how to manage their money properly". He goes to Milan/Paris ect for weekends and has a so called job through his father in London which he boasts about having champagne lunches for thousands of pounds.
ful After the first academic year at university this student could not be bothered to clear up his dorm and the euros he had left over...so he just binned the money....and my son picked it up, saved it towards his university study trip abroad.
Wake up everyone power and wealthy corporations/individuals will keep you down as it keeps them up!
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Unintentionally rude messages?
Posted: 12/20/2012 7:27:48 AM
Thank you gentleplus :)
For so clearly explaining that mind games from some men also known as the two ss=slap or sex which elicits anger, confusion in which he then says only teasing, flipping from nice to cruel and making the female look dumb.
Hate to say it, been there and learnt from it and would never give the time of day to a man who tries it.
Treat others how you would like to be treated yourself :)x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 471 (view)
 
How to find out penis size
Posted: 12/17/2012 2:46:27 AM
You can't tell........
Example: I dated a man who has tiny hands and feet and his penis is huge
and I told him, but he was surprised and thought he was average........there again
I can't and wouldn't want to do a qualitive social study on this subject.
Personally size is not important as much as consideration, kissing, touch and true
emotional and physical intimacy.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Should I put relationships on hold until kids are grown?
Posted: 12/17/2012 1:58:38 AM
No you can be a parent and date after all switching off emotions is not healthy and tells your children that mum/dad are only parenting machines and not full human beings.
Be cautious and don't introduce partners for a very long time and you have an engagement ring on its way......make him wait as you are worth it.
If your children and boyfriend/girlfriend cross paths just tell your children they are just friends.....do not raise expectations.
I am a single mum who feels stronger, happier and has far more wisdom than some females who have no children and are my age.
Remember you carry more than most people as you juggle children, work, studies ect and are used to looking out for others.
So have some fun in a safe way and allow yourself happiness with out expectation or guilt as people who say wait until your children are grown will make you feel.
After all children want you all for themselves what ever age, as you are their home and stability.....you do not need to rock those foundations by dating, just believe in yourself and test the men you date .......as they are just friends and will have to prove that they are worthy for more.
Take care and best of luck.
Wend:)x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Should I put relationships on hold until kids are grown?
Posted: 12/17/2012 1:50:12 AM
No you can be a parent and date after all switching off emotions is not healthy and tells your children that mum/dad are only parenting machines and not full human beings.
Be cautious and don't introduce partners for a very long time and you have an engagement ring on its way......make him wait as you are worth it.
If your children and boyfriend/girlfriend cross paths just tell your children they are just friends.....do not raise expectations.
I am a single mum who feels stronger, happier and has far more wisdom than some females who have no children and are my age.
Remember you carry more than most people as you juggle children, work, studies ect and are used to looking out for others.
So have some fun in a safe way and allow yourself happiness with out expectation or guilt as people who say wait until your children are grown will make you feel.
After all children want you all for themselves what ever age, as you are their home and stability.....you do not need to rock those foundations by dating, just believe in yourself and test the men you date .......as they are just friends and will have to prove that they are worthy for more.
Take care and best of luck.
Wend:)x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How do you find the time for relationships when you have a child.
Posted: 9/20/2012 12:45:16 AM
It is difficult dating with children and as my older two are building their own lives I have no one to look after my youngest because of no family or cost of babysitters. Plus the fact that my children have been through too much when I thought the man whom I would spend the rest of my life with was a liar....not going through that again....having to wait untill youngest gets older and maybe go out on the odd occasion. It is difficult enough oranging before school club and transport when working.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Religious
Posted: 6/27/2012 6:04:56 AM
Just be u. I am a non creationalist athiest & if u have noticed we ate have all been indocrinated with belief systems which incorperate fear factors to keep u from questioning. So don't worry & u have already had a Darwin miss quote from a fearful bible person. Be happy with who you are &u will attract the same ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Was having children worth the effort?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:11:11 PM
My children r my legacy, family & life, without them I would not understand the strenght of love &alteristic behaviour. ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Was I wrong to ask what is going on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 6:08:47 AM
I agree with TALL-IQ2,
he sounds very fishy and if you can't be open and honest in
asking genuine questions at the getting to know you stage, then he is playing games and not worth it.
Good Luck starfishgazer
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Once we get over 45, how kinky do we get?
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:51:04 PM
I am more confident & aware of my body now I am older sex with the rigjy person is exciting &adventuous definately. When I was younger I had no idea
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:29:06 PM
I love my children & my boyfriend loves his & grandchildren, but we make sute that there is couple time ddeperate from family or we would not love each other as imdividuals. ;) & yes using phone on datr is rude.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 433 (view)
 
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:07:52 PM
Intetesting comments. From my own perspective I have always gone 50/50 unless a man felt insulted by this. Personally I am in relationship where we are both making ends only just meet & know in time we will hsve more resources, but at present with kids university, schools , life is a struggle financially & I love the fact that he cares for me emotionally even without financial assets due to xs leaving me &kids without money & I have been supporting them alone. Men who assume a woman my age should have money in personal experience have always put thier own interests first & not worried about kids . I used to feel ashamed of my lackof wealth but now I feel liberated that my veiws are not so marrow & I am loved amyway. ;)
 Starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
bed size
Posted: 3/20/2012 8:46:17 PM
I have a bed nobs & broomstick king size style bed & I love it. My youngest often snuggles & my dog curlrs up by our legs. When I am alone it feels safe.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
What Is The Difference Between A Philosophy, Science and Religion?
Posted: 3/16/2012 5:15:28 AM
RELIGION: first conscious thoughts in human brains was seen as the 'voice' of god.....& so some people still believe, its superstition.

SCIENCE: measuring, testing theories to discount or comfirm current explanations of everything, which can be updated or contested with on going scientific experiments.

PHILOSOPHY:debating why of everything without attributing biased theories as much as possible, so that our minds open up to new ways of thinking.
Good post ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
applying stages of moral development according to Kohlberg
Posted: 3/16/2012 4:17:17 AM
Moral stages.....sorry I hate this type of classifying even though it is trying to explain moral human behaviour in age and social contexts it is not a guide book, so not sure about your question?
Human evolutional psychology explains that morality tends to be alturistic for the good of our off spring and wider community which leads to our genes survival and that we all have it in one way or another ( depending on genetic varients ect).
If I personally only talked to people I thought may be at the same moral level then blimmy life wouldn't half be lonely.........we all learn from each other and prejudging people before listening....and really listening to others life stories, opinions attitudes, just limits your own personal developement/enlightenment.
You don't have to agree to everyone elses life decisions and views but you do need to not feel as if you have all the answers or are some how superior. ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
can life exist if not carbon based
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:31:02 AM
Carbon based life still gives the most stable, adaptable linking molecules, but as Steven Hawkins wisely states there are a vast amount of possibilities producing various chemical reactions in unknown universes. But here on earth as we know Carbon is number one. ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 62 (view)
 
How does science account for miracles?
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:04:58 AM
Miracles are things we do not have the knowledge or awareness to explain!
Miracles happen all the time we just take them for granted like the air we breath
the wonders of nature, survival and human kindness.
Keep your wonder of the universe and 'miracles' are all around and within you.
;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
What is Hell?
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:56:23 AM
Hell in after life does not exist my love, so do not worry.
It is a man made creation to scare and keep people in line.
On our planet many people suffer in hell created by other men or just elements, so luck,
social consciousness or lack of it can determine earths own hell.
As for after life hell, plain and simple no-one knows its just subjector.
I was not aware before conception and so I maybe just as unaware when I die.
Feeling lucky to be alive as I am now is my heaven and I thank the universe for that.
Take care. ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Why do you need a gentleman?
Posted: 3/14/2012 1:29:35 PM
I am a female & always hold the door open for everyone as its respectful, kind & friendly. We all need human connection as it helps us all feel less alone & liked. On the odd occassion a person may not notice (preocupied ect) but this is important I do not take it personally as my philosophy is simple 'treat others as you want to be treated' ie empathy. Stop scoring points life is too.precious! ;))
 Starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Shaving Ur Puddin
Posted: 3/5/2012 10:20:44 AM
Easily explained. Some younger women are sold on the idea that if they do not shave like a porn star then no man will want them. Plus personal preferance, comfort & time as older women are usually more confident in their bodies & have busy lives with intellectual & passionate persuits so shaving completely can become sore & prickly.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Have I become to hard hearted?
Posted: 3/2/2012 1:16:54 AM
No if you where really hard hearted you would not be askimg this question. You are just in self preservation mode & may have delayed the tears & pain that you supress now to be triggered later. I wish you all the best in the future & kindness to yourself as you create emotional balance for a wiser future. ;)x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 54 (view)
 
What is Love?
Posted: 2/29/2012 3:44:50 AM
I agree with buckets of sky. My children love me for themselves as I lo Ibe them as individuals & I love & care for many people in my life, but to have that unconditiomal concept of love be for me alone in an adult capacity is difficult I find. Woody Allen has it right. I can self love be giving kind caring but if I don,t become a little selfish about wanting intimate love I will not feel thus suffer. I have lived a logical life marrying when young even though I did not feel emotional love, want or need for that person bit outside of iys context it ticked the right boxes. He turned out after 17 years to be a psychopath & I was the whipping girl, I had no clue how much he had lied to & about me untill after. From my own childhood emotions were seen as bad as mental illness iny family & uncontroled emotions spelled diaster, so I unconsciously suppressed feelimgs. Now I suffer & its so good to feel xxxxx
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 53 (view)
 
What is Love?
Posted: 2/29/2012 3:00:11 AM
A great question as I am emotionally torn at the moment. My last relationship ended because I felt that I could not feel genuinly loved without an alteria motive. I have more time & money at the moment & have started to dating again but still feel like I am going through the motions. I miss & felt so at one, special & passion with him. But I realize that I don,t trust enough or myself. I miss him & no one compares as he seemed to know me so well. This pain is selfish of me & I have to put my children first but I do regret even to the point of wishing I had never met him as then I would not feel so sad & empty without him. Psychologists call love just ego bounderies matching & I try to focus on the logical rather than emotional, but its hard sometimes. I follow the golden rule but it may mean I will never have love like that again. Xp
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Would panic attacks put you off?
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:08:28 PM
Discussing in person and not advertising on your profile is the right way to go, otherwise prejudgments get in the way of knowing the real you.
And you do realize that your mind and body are not separate compartments but one and the same. Without the mind the body does not function.
Take care.
Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 243 (view)
 
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 2/16/2012 11:05:02 PM
I agree with celticmist beautifully put.
You will get people on here who enjoy taking the moral high ground without any experience of giving up their own happiness to care for others.
Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 25 (view)
 
What is Love?
Posted: 2/16/2012 9:10:39 PM
I don't think there is a difference as rose tinted glasses of the past do not always reflect reality.
I have an elderly neighbor/friend who I help and he tells his family and others that his wife was the only women he ever slept with and wanted, but I know that he is lying to them as he confessed to me ( I will never pass on his secrets to his family & I didn't really want to know in the first place) that he had a passionate affair with a young women he worked with. His family think he adored his wife who is now dead.
Personally its another perspective thing!
If you have seen couples who cared for each other and lived happily together then you are more likely to believe it maybe possible to find a person that can share the closest of human emotions with mutual acceptance, but that's my idea of 'love'.
To days media advertising promotes 'Love' as'Sex' as is expressed in condom adverts, where as sex is carnal lust ( and very nice too), but love?
The messages are confusing for both genders and I personally feel an emptiness at the moment from giving my body/soul /trust to men who professed 'love' for me but in reality lust/greed & manipulation were what they gave.
The old adage of women will have sex for love and men give love for sex seems over simplified and I am not in the right head space to process it at the moment.
I want to believe 'love' is true.
Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
What is Love?
Posted: 2/16/2012 6:05:13 PM
Great question. I only know the love I have for my children, I would die to save their lives if I had too. As for adult love it seems an illusion to me & more about sexual conquestion. I have 5 beautifully written love letters from men who professed love but never cared. Love is a descriptove verb for what ever you want ot to be. Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 283 (view)
 
Breast Augmentation over 45
Posted: 2/16/2012 9:22:40 AM
If you want to just be a sex object then go ahead. Learn to like yourself & feel more confident. People are now trying to have implants removed after leaks, painful scaring &cancer risks. Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 378 (view)
 
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:02:49 AM
Great debate. I am 45 & I would date you as I love childreen. Mine are now 20/16 & 10 years. You sound as if although being a parent you do not understand the sacrifice involved. Speaking as a single mum with no back up. Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 56 (view)
 
How to approach the subject of ED without being obnoxious
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:56:46 AM
I am 45 & have never had this problem due to age & non expectation. If I have a partner with this problem iI would not be to upset as I have my menapause to look forward too, & loving understanding is a two way thing. The mind being 1 of the sexy parts for me. Starfishgazer xx
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Ex Wife Hanging Around
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:50:39 AM
How nice for him an x in the wings so he can play poor me to you and the " well this can change" over the money giving scenario just shows that he does have more control.
I would say break contact unless you like to be treated as an ego booster!
Did they break up because the passion had gone? And are you there in some way to show x that he can pull.
This is play game drama so go out and find a man who has just you in his life and you are not just on the wings....or would that be too frightening to you?
Good luck and I hope it works out with some decisive moves as it seems very static and not much fun.
Starfishgazer x
 Starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Has online dating gone past its original intention?
Posted: 2/8/2012 4:29:23 PM
A good debate. I like the forums but do not online date now. As a male colleage stated "its great for guys to sleep around & compare. My x lies on site all the time & people buy into it so easily. So friendships & taking your time outside of fast technology is best for me. Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 2:30:41 PM
I liked your post DragonBits and especially picked up on your awareness of female emotional sexuality, as since my last relationship I do not know if I can ever let my self feel sexually free with another man, I have shut down so to speak. Whether it is because I feel that the male ego is so linked to his physical sexuality and I am not willing to be prey to a false intimate connection, as some men use to fill their needs.
That is why I am only looking for friendships.
Starfishgazer x
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 292 (view)
 
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/5/2012 2:10:40 PM
Thanks skato1
The reason I have not put a picture up yet is because;
A: I have had technical difficulties
B: Which has also given me time to reflect on whether I want another relationship yet, so not having a picture means I can browse forums for now and when I am ready I will get round the technical problems and post a picture up.
I do not have questionable motives and I am fairly pleasant to look at but just not ready to put myself out there.
Just friendships for now.
Starfishgazer ;)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Who is that person in the mirror?
Posted: 1/31/2012 2:19:58 AM
Thank you 1388SmartBlonde really kind of you.
And I enjoy your threads really stimulating discussions.
Take care.
Starfishgazer x
 
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