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 Author Thread: Did the chemistry score change recently?
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
Did the chemistry score change recently?
Posted: 7/23/2011 6:21:52 AM
Looks like it just changed again. One particular member started out as a 0.46, dropped to 0.21 the first time, now she is a 0.11.

How is chemistry different than "Ultra Match"?
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
Did the chemistry score change recently?
Posted: 5/4/2011 3:28:55 PM
I just looked at my Chemistry matches, and women who were rated higher before are now rated lower. Was a change made as to how the number is calculated?
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
The bias against age
Posted: 7/21/2010 6:41:17 PM
There are several points you raised, I'm only going to address the desiring younger aspect.

Without actual data, I would agree that many people on dating sites are biased towards the younger, I don't think it's particular to women. Actually, I think including more variables in your research would bring out some interesting statistics.

My own hypothesis is people on a dating site as a whole are in better shape then people not on a dating site. And I believe that anyone who sees themselves as in good shape sees themselves as younger than their chronological age, and singles in general want to meet people around their perceived age, not actual age. And the effect is larger as chronological age increases.

But in the end, so what? People want what they want, the whole point of having a profile is to put what you are looking for. If I see a 55 year old woman looking for men 35-45, who am I to say consider me? I prefer meeting someone who wants to meet someone like me.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 60 (view)
Emotional Pornography
Posted: 7/17/2010 3:37:04 PM

I started a similar thread about a million years ago after I saw this article:

And the actual study gets at the crux of the matter (in my opinion). It is part of a series of studies around teenagers, but this particular study used college students. They have the least ability to understand the difference between reality and fantasy, and the expectations get set before or while they are exploring relationships. It's not a matter of it's being forced onto them, but they see it, have many other people reinforce it, and eventually gets ingrained as to "how things should be".

Since the sample used was not random (100 college student volunteers are not representitive of the general population), I think it's a mistake to suggest people in general have trouble telling the difference. It's more accurate to say this study suggests college age people seem to be susceptible to this effect. Possibly affecting even younger people even more.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
Chemistry Results
Posted: 5/29/2010 11:38:50 AM
I don't remember where is was described that the Chemistry matches were likely to be 10% better than random, and that 100% was no better than 70%. Although, I don't remember it saying higher percentages were better either, I just assumed that. Admittedly, I now feel silly that I paid attention to the percentages.

This system is supposed to be 80x better. How is that affected by the actual rating?

Is someone rated (1.00000) 80x better than random?
Is someone rated (0.34027) 27.2x better than random?
Is someone rated (0.01000) 1.8x better than random?

I understand you don't want to go into detail on PoF, but is there some other site that explains how things work? Possibly noting studies to validate the claims?

TIA, Bob
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
% match up of 2 members
Posted: 5/21/2010 4:23:14 PM
The Admin is changing that page, you are not going crazy.

Just have to wait to see what he does ...
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 69 (view)
Posted: 3/4/2010 9:17:10 AM
I smile when I read something along the lines of
... as long as the 20% is in insignificant issues ...
I tend to interpret that as
... as long as they completely meet the other 80% ...

But everyone has to decide what is acceptable for them.

I prefer to look at it as deal breakers and negotiables, and keep the deal breakers list reasonable (whatever that means). Things I consider insignificant don't factor into my calculations.

For me, a big issue is being satisfied how the negotiables actually pan out. I don't think equal is as important as being perceived as equitable. Splitting everything 50-50 really only works for people with similar values, beliefs and behaviors. Otherwise, the split may not be perceived as equitable, even if equal.

For me, a difficult part is recognizing what is actually a requirement, verses a preference. E.g. Realizing conflict resolution style is actually a requirement, not a nice to have, was a big step for me. It requires a knowledge of myself that I've only gained over the last 8 years, and I also recognize I still have more to learn, and it hasn't all been positive, but does get me closer to understanding myself, so I can share that with someone else. Also, it helps me see others in a realistic light, and can listen to and accept them in a non-judgmental way.

A clue I look for in myself is the language I use.
When I find myself asking questions:
What do I have to give up being in this relationship?
That’s a clue I'm not ready or that's not a relationship for me, regardless of the "answer".
When I find myself making statements:
I'm better off being in this relationship than out.
That’s my clue to move forward.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 308 (view)
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/13/2010 8:12:05 PM
Maybe the whole Dutch Treat/Man Pays thing should be an attribute on our profiles.

I think
- all the people who think men should pay get on one side of the room.
- all the people who think it should be dutch get on the other side of the room.

You can make derogatory remarks about the people on the other side of the room,
but stop expecting others to do it your way. And stop fraternizing with the enemy!
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:27:06 AM
My experience is if you actually pick a state from the list, you will not get any hits outside of the state selected. In my case, if I do a 200 mile search from Delaware 19801, I will only get hits from Delaware even though that should include many states. If I only use zip code in basic search, that works as expected. Since there is no place for zip in advanced search, you can only search one state that way (or all states).

Some other anomilies I've noticed:

Setting the same criteria in advanced search and basic search give different results. Some profiles show up in basic but not advanced, and others show up in advanced but not in basic. Most recently I found a case where every hit in advanced was not in basic and vice versa!

Considering mail settings, I see the same effect. I've found profiles where nothing visible to me should rule me out, I can see them in advanced search and I can send them an email, but she they don't show up in basic search.

I've also found cases where I find a profile with a highlighted interest from a given state, but searching on that interest for that state gives no hits.

Of course, if you don't like the way searching works here, ask for your money back!

What I now do is search without logging in. If I see someone whose mail settings shouldn't exclude me, I save the page to my browser. Then I log into PoF, and select that page from the brower and go from there. Besides, so many people get upset if you favorite them without contacting them, so I generally only favorite friends, and save interesting profiles to my browser and they don't have to know. Then, when I'm ready, I can contact them.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 153 (view)
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:21:33 PM
Some other quotes I found interesting from "How Not To Make Love Like A Porn Star" by
Mary Elizabeth Williams.

Porno sex is about the angles and displaying the goods. Whether the actors who are putting in a hard day's work on the job are actually enjoying themselves doesn't matter. It's about performance, ...

But if we learn by example, does anybody really want an education from someone who has a fluffer?

Perhaps then he's like the gentleman I went home with once, who spent the entire time watching himself in the mirror. He did not have sex with me. He had sex on me.

Women have a long history of performing during sex -- but our unrealistic, rock-your-world expectations are just as likely to come from "The Notebook" as they are from "Interracial Cheerleader Orgy."

Last year when Babeland conducted a poll about sexual attitudes, one of the questions was, "The most inaccurate perception men have picked up from porn is ..." The top four responses from women were:

1.How women can have orgasm from just vaginal intercourse
2.The idea that women love semen in their faces
3.The notion that anal sex is sexy
4.That women prefer huge c0cks

So now that you know, you can take that pressure off us. Take it off yourselves. Because in spite of or because of the mythology of the ever-rarin'-to-go, hot-blooded man, the physical and emotional reality of male sexuality is far more complicated. A man has to hope his equipment is of pleasing dimensions, that it rises with his desire, that he doesn't finish too soon or go on too long.

You don't see a lot of laughing in porn, but some of the best sex in my life has been punctuated with fits of giggles. You don't see a whole lot of genuine female orgasm in porn either, and believe me, that's a pretty big part of what makes a memorable evening for a lady. Aping an adult star doesn't make a person a lover any more than playing Rock Band makes him a musician. Good sex makes room for honest passion and uninhibited enthusiasm, and doesn't feel like an audition for AVN rookie of the year. It's messy and silly and profound. And unscripted.

I remember a joke email that made the rounds years ago.

30 things Porno producers would would have us believe:
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a bj.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A bj will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
10. All women are noisy fvcks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fvck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t1ts are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile. (And DVDA really makes them tickled pink)
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of sh1t out of you if you shove your c0ck in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by slapping on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients’ c0cks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fvcking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s c0ck, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.
26. Assh0les are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a c0ck there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
and finally…
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

To me, it's always been important to differentiate between women and a woman.

Women like this or don't like that are generalities generated via experience, observation and my own values/beliefs. The latter is probably most important since that will allow me to discard information if it doens't fit my model. Sadly, it took me a long time to realize that.

If I am with a lover, all the generalities really are not important as what this particular woman likes. And while some of that can come from body language, the really intimate stuff you have to talk about, and no amout of sexual skill or technique will get your there, IMHO.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
What would you like your SO to do for you?
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:10:45 PM
Thanks to everyone who shared.

If this situation were to occur in reality, it would of course be tailered to the individuals involved. I am interested in what others find a turn on. My own little survey also indicates most women would be uncomfortable with the naked part ... but not all. :) Men, including myself, didn't seem to have a problem with that part.

Keep'em coming.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 54 (view)
Women V/S Men
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:59:46 PM
Q: What do you do if your boyfriend walks out the door?
A: Close it behind him.

Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A: Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's men who end up playing with them.

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.

Q: Why do women want beauty over brains?
A: Because men see better than they think.

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.

'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.

They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket, please.' The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asks one perplexed man.

'Watch and learn,' answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into a toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding. She knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket please.'
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
Why Girls want a Relationship much more attach After Sex with a Guy no matter his faults?
Posted: 9/6/2009 1:26:55 PM
Just to follow up on CaramelSweetness2 post;

Oxytocin (the bonding chemical) is released in both males a females during sex. In addition, it is also released in women when their breasts are stimulated.

Estrogen amplifies it's effect, testosterone represses it. Not that any particular person has to respond one way or another, but women are more prone, and men less prone, to bond after sex.

Vasopressin is linked to commitment among males. There is a gene who's presence or absense is correlated to commitment minded males. Again, it's not destiny or fate, but does make a male more or less likely to commit.

That's the data part. As always, it's the conclusions that are in disagreement.


P.S. The breast stimulation effect is believed to help women bond with their newborns when they are breastfeeding.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
What would you like your SO to do for you?
Posted: 9/3/2009 5:05:20 PM
For the purposes of this thread, assume you and your significant other are not living together, but have gotten to the point where you have sex regularly, whatever that means to you.

On Wednesday, you receive an invitation in snail mail. It says:

My place on Friday, 7 PM sharp.
Don't knock, the door will be unlocked.
Take all your clothes off, and set them on the chair by the door.
Find Me.

A) Would receiving this card be a huge turn on?

B) If not, what would you like the card to say that would turn you on?

C) If so, what you would like to find when you found them?

P.S. Assume the invitation is from your SO!!! I'm not so much interested in what you might do for your SO, but rather, what would you like your SO to do for you.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
All the Dating Sites
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:32:52 PM
This is for davidpiano0609:

This is old news, but back in 2005 both Match and Yahoo were sued for "fake" profiles.

I couldn't find the outcome of either of these cases, but I believe AFF was actually caught at it. They now carry a warning on their webpages that the picture in the ad may not be associated with the profile you see.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
All the Dating Sites
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:43:14 PM
I agree they are all fundementally the same, with some differences around the edges.

I think the search capabilities here are poor, there are lots of things you can't search on. Many pay sites have reverse matching, (I want to search on what the other is searching for) and just about everyone these days has a personality matching systems, but there is no peer reviewed data showing one system is better than random at matching people.

In the end, it's really about what happens after you meet in real life. There is so much stuff that a quiz or survey won't capture about chemistry that humans place a lot of value on. Yes, it's known that people with similar traits do get along better in general, but if you had 20 people with similar traits, how many people would like each of them equally?

My experience tells me many of the people here (a free site) are also on Match, Yahoo, etc. which are pay sites. Plus, MySpace, FaceBook, et. al. are also places to meet people, but are not dating sites per se.

What brought me here were the forums. That's why I joined, and I've met some great people too. However, I don't meet local women from posting here. If I want to meet someone within driving distance, I need to turn my profile on.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
criminalizing consensual sex
Posted: 8/22/2009 11:15:12 AM
What I was going to write is already expressed by MsMicki (Post 18).

Judgments, by definition, require a context and point of view. Change either, and the judgment may change. If two people fundamentally have a different opinion, does one of them have to be wrong? (I mean in an absolute sense, not from a personal point of view) I've found there are very few absolutes in life.

It's often quoted about how our beliefs make us more than animals, yet I notice those who exhibit the most energy to get others to fit their beliefs are the most likely to exhibit extreme behavior in support of their belief.


P.S. I have to admit, when I first read the title, I was expecting a discussion about someone having consensual sex, then withdrawing consent and turning their partner into a criminal.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
What are worthy criteria to be in love?
Posted: 5/19/2009 6:22:58 PM

What, in your opinion, are worthy criteria to be in love with someone?

Whatever criteria you pick, I'm sure it could apply to many besides the object of your desire.

When I read your post, the revised question that popped into my mind was "What are criteria I could use to justify to others (or myself) that my feelings about someone are appropriate?"

Is a "good" reason to be in love really any better than a "bad" reason? I agree with others it's not really something you have a lot of control over. People are complex, and at least for me, sometimes there are reasons I can't comprehend as to why I like someone.

That being said, my experience tells me life is much easier when my heart and my head agree, but it's not always a choice I have.

Now if you change the question to long term compatability traits, maybe that's more along the answers you were looking for.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
what men should do and shouldn't do while dating,a woman.
Posted: 5/8/2009 3:28:12 AM
I think this should be on your profile under the heading of "How to date me.", as this sounds more like your personal desires and frustrations.

While it's fun to talk about men/women in general, once you are talking about a particular person it's time to jettison those ideas and work on issues specific to that relationship.

In my experience, when someone has an issue with a particular behavior, what they really have an issue with is what that behavior represents. e.g. Spending time with buddies often translates to you're not spending enough time with me, or I feel your buddies are more important to you than me, etc. My belief is working on those issues is more constructive than trying to control behaviors.


P.S. Not that anyone asked ... :) ... my advice would be:

Treat everyone as an individual. No matter how much this person may seem like others you have met, they are not.

Take time to find out what's important to them. People in general don't like to feel that you see them just like all other men/women.

Foster an environment of acceptance, respect and safety. This leads to trust and intimacy.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
add to Friends list ?
Posted: 5/6/2009 6:46:18 PM
I agree that I think people read way too much into being "friends".

I stopped doing that and started saving profiles in my browser, and avoid all the potential hype around it. Unless someone says don't favorite them or they will write me a creative testimonial ... That's irresistable for me, I'm clicking on that one!

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
Are silly testimonials a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/3/2009 1:05:26 PM
Thanks to everyone who has provided input, I can see I have some thinking to do. I think there is some misconception about them, and that in itself is enlightening.

Some of the responses seem to indicate that there was more to the testimonials then there is. These testimonials are the first communication I had with them. I think one of them didn't even read my profile, but wrote the testimonial and removed me. I can assure you that none of them has had the opportunities they write about. It's what they chose to write in response to me making them a favorite without contacting them first. I don't do that anyway, but I made an exception in these cases specifically to get a response. I guess women portraying me in bra and panties is supposed to be the ultimate insult, but I see them as hilarious. (Do they make a bra in size 52A?)

I'm not interested in meeting lots of women, and as some of you have noted, I'm never going to have that issue. I'm not interested in women who feel the need to make derogatory comments, or (and I have had this happen to me) actually write me to tell me how much my profile sucks. I'm willing to limit myself to women who find my profile amusing.

I don't see this as an issue about changing myself, but rather, what I choose to display on my profile. My preference is not to say I have a sense of humor, but rather display it. However, if most women, in my age group at least, seem to take this in the wrong context, I do need to rethink their value.

Thanks again to everyone for their opinions.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
What do women really want?
Posted: 5/3/2009 8:26:22 AM
Going by profiles I read, I would say what women want is to feel chemistry with someone. Something akin to what you see in rom-coms. Everything else is secondary to that feeling.

Now, I would not say that's true for all women, but I would venture that's true for a significant majority of women. At least for women around my own age.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
Shallow? Or can you really tell in 20 mins?
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:36:20 PM
I think the essence of the whole "she knows in n seconds" concept is really she can get to NO early. Getting to YES takes a lot longer, and any NO along the way kills it.

As others have noted, there is a difference between attraction and relationship. I can be attracted to someone quickly, but the things I really need to know relationship-wise I can't know till we have spent a lot of time together.

I don't know about everyone else, but when I see an attractive (to me) woman walking down the street, I'm not thinking "I wonder what kind of conflict resolution skills she has?", even though I feel that's extremely important in a relationship. But I can (and do) think, she is attractive, even if I know she is a complete b1tch.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
Are silly testimonials a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/2/2009 9:35:38 PM
If I happen to run across a profile that says, "Don't favorite me without contacting me first or I will write an intersting testimonial", well, I'm the kind of guy who wants to see what you will write. I used to have more, but those members deleted their profiles and I currently have 2.

However, I met two women earlier this year who told me they never would have agreed to a first meeting had they read the testimonials and I've had other friends tell me to get rid of them.

So, my question is, if you ran across a profile with tongue in cheek testimonials, would that stop you from responding to emails or making first contact?


I'm especially interested in opinions from women in the 40-60 age group. Since I'm not trolling for page views, here are the ones I currently have on my profile.

Randominternetguy is a great guy, and looks very sexy in a black bra and panties. He keeps trying to steal my shoes and handbags, but at least he can put on makeup. It is disconcerting when your man looks better in lingerie than you do. He should have read my profile closer, before he added me.

* is so right, Random does look so hot in bra and panties! And talk about a big cable :wink:. He keeps talking about his 12" . . . Be warned, he is currently involved with two sisters and he has a hot tub fetish!

And here is the first one I ever had:

Wow, talk about an interesting date! We met at a local Burger King where he insisted on tipping the person taking our order. The employee did get a little upset though, when RandomInetGuy vaulted over the counter and placed a big wet kiss on his cheek. He's quite the conversationalist too. We talked about everything from how big my a** was to what color thong he was wearing. But it was a bit much when he kept insisting that his bra was prettier than mine, and loudly demanding that we have a contest in the middle of the establishment, letting the patrons vote. The parents who called the police, as well as the little crybaby kids, over-reacted, as did the cops who were overly rough as they tackled him to the floor and yanked his pants back up. He's going to make some lucky lady VERY happy.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
Romantic Comedies Ruin Your Love Life....
Posted: 5/2/2009 8:42:25 AM
My view is the purpose of movies is to make money, not be accurate. To be entertaining, not be a model of life. Any relation to reality is purely incidental, and will be the first thing to go in favor of better storytelling.

On a less technical note, I've felt if you want a relationship like you see in the movies, then make sure your partner has the latest copy of the script and has agreed to follow it. And anything that happens off camera doesn't count. :D

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
Romantic Comedies Ruin Your Love Life....
Posted: 5/2/2009 2:21:20 AM
One thing I find left OUT of the in articles about this study (such as in Post 1) is the effects on adolescents, since it has been demonstrated that older viewers are more aware of the exaggerations in these movies. But other research shows adolescents are very likely to see movies as an example of how relationships "should" be, since they typically have little life experience to tell them otherwise. This study was an initial study to first just determine what content is in movies as part of a larger project to understand the effects on adolescents.

If you want to read a draft of the actual study, instead of the spin various media outlets are giving it, go to

and click on the link by the discription "Contradictory messages: A content analysis of Hollywood-produced romantic comedy feature films. Communication Quarterly."

From Page 1 of that report

With the media such a prominent part of today’s society it is little wonder that it has become a resource on how the world works. Adolescents, particularly impressionable as they attempt to make sense of themselves and others around them, often look to the media (e.g. Bachen & Illouz, 1996; Brown, 2002; Signorielli, 1997) for issues increasing in importance such as those of romantic and sexual relationships (e.g. Arnett, 2000; Furnham & Simon, 1999). However, interpreting media representations of these issues as being an accurate reflection of reality may have serious implications for adolescents’ perceptions of the world. Films and television programmes typically rely on exaggerated and unrealistic portrayals of romantic and sexual relationships to appeal to their audiences (e.g. Committee on Public Health, 2001; Jowett & Linton, 1980; Ward & Rivadeneyra, 1999) and whilst older and more experienced viewers can generally recognise this (Illouz, 1998), younger viewers with few of their own experiences to compare against may come to view these representations as cultural norms and form unrealistic relationship beliefs and expectations accordingly. If adolescents are indeed looking to the media’s exaggerated and unrealistic portrayals to gain insight into what to expect in their own relationships, research must determine what specifically they are being exposed to. Research on romance media content thus far, however, is severely lacking. The present study therefore sought to address this gap by analysing the romantic content of a sample of romantic comedy feature films. Furthermore, a coding system of the romantic themes identified during analysis was created and interrater reliability established.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
Are you by nature monogamous or polygamous?
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:21:46 AM
I think this is interesting, but I tend to agree with 310Michael's observation, there is a disconnect between what media reports and what science actually says.

The data presented in the study suggests an association, not demonstrates proof there is a monogamy gene. The way science is supposed to work, is someone publishes a paper, and then others replicate results. Remember cold fusion?

I personally beleive all of our behavior is affected by biochemical reactions going on inside of us, so I wouldn't be surprised if this turned out to be true, or more likely part of a system of which this gene expression plays a part. Or even if not true, some other reactions will demonstrate similar effects.

But's that's not the same as proving something to be true. Just because no one has "proven" something, doesn't mean it's not true. But to say something is true in a sceintific sense means experiments with repeatable results has been replicated by many different individuals.

As opposed to media outlets which need to frame things in a way to get eyeballs. Whether it's true or not is really not an issue. You can make any outrageous comment you like, but as long as you throw quotes around it and say someone else said that, you are off the hook. There are many cases where a paper has been published making a specific claim, but it gets reported in a much more sensationalistic way to get your attention.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
Beloit Mindset List
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:45:43 PM

Each August for the past 11 years, Beloit College in Beloit, Wis., has released the Beloit College Mindset List. It provides a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college. It is the creation of Beloit’s Keefer Professor of the Humanities Tom McBride and Public Affairs Director Ron Nief. The List is shared with faculty and with thousands who request it each year as the school year begins, as a reminder of the rapidly changing frame of reference for this new generation.

I picked a few to place here, comments?

Class of 2012
GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
IBM has never made typewriters.
The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.
Soft drink refills have always been free.

Class of 2011
They never “rolled down” a car window.
Pete Rose has never played baseball.
Rap music has always been mainstream.
Wal-Mart has always been a larger retailer than Sears and has always employed more workers than GM.
Stadiums, rock tours and sporting events have always had corporate names.
Fox has always been a major network.
MTV has never featured music videos.

Class of 2010
The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
There has always been only one Germany.
Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.
They never played the game of state license plates in the car.
They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.

Class of 2009
They don't remember when "cut and paste" involved scissors.
American Motors has never existed.

Class of 2008
"Here's Johnny!" is a scary greeting from Jack Nicholson, not a warm welcome from Ed McMahon.
Photographs have always been processed in an hour or less.
There have always been night games at Wrigley Field.
Network television has always struggled to keep up with cable.

Class 0f 2007
Paul Newman has always made salad dressing.
An automatic is a weapon, not a transmission.
Computers have always fit in their backpacks.

Class of 2006
Cars have always had eye-level rear stop lights, CD players, and air bags.
We have always been able to choose our long distance carriers.
The "Fab Four" are not a male rock group, but four women enjoying Sex and the City.
A "hotline" is a consumer service rather than a phone used to avoid accidental nuclear war.

Class of 2005
One earring on a man indicates that he is probably pretty conservative.
Volkswagen beetles have always had engines in the front.
Beta is a preview version of software, not a VCR format.

Class of 2004
A "45" is a gun, not a record with a large hole in the center.
They have no clue what the Beach Boys were talking about when they sang about a 409, and the Little Deuce Coupe.
Watergate is as relevant to their lives as the Teapot Dome scandal.
Women sailors have always been stationed on U.S. Navy ships.
Hurricanes have always had men's and women's names.
They feel more danger from having sex and being in school, than from possible nuclear war.
"Coming out" parties celebrate more than debutantes.

Class of 2003
Travel to space has always been accomplished in reusable spacecraft.
They have no idea how big a breadbox is.
President Kennedy's assassination is as significant to them as that of Lincoln or Garfield.

Class of 2002
Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.
Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
dating and sexual monogamy
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:24:57 AM

What's a cougar?

A couger is an older woman looking for younger men.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 49 (view)
Dating your father
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:18:32 AM
Talk about a Freudian nightmare ... I married a woman with many of my father's traits.

And yes, I had some long standing unresolved issues with my dad. As I did resolve those issues, I changed. Whether those changes were for the good or not depends on who you ask, me or her. At one point, she said directly, "You're not the man I married.", and she is right. As I resolved issues with my father, I turned around and applied the same thinking to the similar traits she had. I don't think this is the sole reason for our breakup, but I do think it's a significant one. And I know and accept responsibility for being the one to push our demise.

While I know this is a very self centered view (after all, I am a man), I believe my life has improved in every area, including my relationship with my kids, except financial. And I am OK with that.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
Do you know that you carry HPV ?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:20:30 PM
While it does affect a significant percentage of the population, I think this a case of F.U.D. Here is a link from the Centers for Disease Control.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
Is a sense of humour REALLY that attractive? discuss...
Posted: 7/21/2008 5:34:06 PM
I really shouldn't speak for all women, so I'll limit my sweeping generalizations to women say 45+. :)

My interpretation of "Someone who can make me laugh", doesn't mean she is literally talking about someone who can make her laugh.

What she means is someone who understands her moods AND knows when to say something to make her laugh, even if it's not really "funny". Someone who picks her up when she's down. Someone who can break the seriousness of a situation with a chuckle. Someone who can distract them from whatever is currently weighing their mind.

All these things get expressed as "Someone who can make me laugh", but sticking to the words only is missing the meaning, in my opinion.

Most, but not all, women want chemistry. I think most of that is really out of your control, either she feels it with a man or not, I don't think there's much a man can consciously do to affect that. (Note: I am refering to men who are not specifically out to play women.) It's not so much that others would label you with a sense of humor, but when a woman is attracted to you, she will see that important quality in you.


P.S. When I think about people telling me about someone they are currently attracted to, and how funny they are, I usually disagree with that assessment when I meet them. However, my opinion isn't the one that counts, now is it?
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 59 (view)
An odd thing that really got me
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:06:00 AM
Alas, I have no motorcycle and I'm not handy. Any women get turned on by having someone design a personal database just for them? How about an Excel spreadsheet? No? I didn't think so. LOL.

I could take the postive approach, and say I'm pretty much guaranteed not to be used for my contractor skills! I am a pretty good listener though .... Well, once I clean my ears out anyway.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
The Good Memories vs. the Negative Ones
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:58:52 AM

I hate for our relationship to be characterized by that last exchange.

This comment sure sounded familiar to me. But you don't have control over how he will view the relationship, although you can see past the final exchange to something better. I have to agree with the others and say you want it more than he does. And as such will always be looking for reasons why it isn't working as you think it should.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
How many men vs women have been stood up?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:45:29 PM
Now this goes back 6 1/2 years, but I've only been left hanging twice in that time.

However, cancelled within 24 hours, I would have to say somewhere around 15. And so far, I haven't done either one. And I certainly hope that doesn't change.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
Why would anyone want to date you?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:42:05 AM
So just how many drinks are we talking? LOL...

You know, I have my own version of why someone might be interested in me, but really I think that's all about my ego. The stuff I choose to present to the world. The real reason someone might be interested in me is most likely for reasons I am unaware of, and vice versa.

I feel the real stuff I need to know about someone I can't know till we've spent time together, and once again, vice versa.

I try to work on being the best imperfect person I can be, not really knowing what my real attraction factor for anyone may be. I know for many I have no redeeming qualities, and I'm not going to try and change their minds. But, there's always a few off the beaten path types that will like me. No accounting for taste! LOL.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
Myers-Briggs: What type are you?
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:07:09 AM
Andrew Wiles originally published a proof in 1993, but there was an error. He republished the proof in 1995 which has so far been accepted as proof of Fermat's Last Theorem.

Given how Wiles solved it, no one knows what Fermat had in mind when he wrote

"Cuius rei demonstrationem mirabilem sane detexi. Hanc marginis exiguitas non caperet."

which has been translated as

"I have a truly marvellous proof of this proposition which this margin is too narrow to contain."

And, in keeping with my nature, I have to say it really should have been called Fermat's Last Conjucture until 1995, as it had never been formally "proven" to be true till then.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
Myers-Briggs: What type are you?
Posted: 7/16/2008 8:00:04 PM
I don't remember the numbers, but I know I'm very strong IN_P, near 100 % for those letters, and around 70% T. I remember somewhere that was indicated by I*N*TP*.

I rather liked this description of my type: (And yes, I do know what Fermat wrote in the margins of his book :)

INTP: The Egghead

The typical INTP is a logical, abstract thinker whose intellect is ideally suited to understanding pure mathematics, linguistics, formal logic theory, and other pursuits unsuited to making a real living. The INTP can often understand even the most subtle nuances of lattice quantum chromodynamics, but cannot perform more concrete tasks such as dressing himself, operating a motor vehicle, or opening a door. An INTP may be able to tell you how to construct a nuclear reactor from a coconut and two pieces of string, but may be completely incapable of fixing a hole in a boat.

The INTP is really only suited to two careers: college professor and game show contestant. Of these career choices, only one offers the financial rewards which allows him to suport himself; for that reason, INTPs often take the other path, and become tenured academics.

RECREATION: Surprisingly, INTPs are often the hit of the party--not for their sometimes annoying habit of turning every discussion into a debate about semantics nor for their fascinating stories about Pierre de Fermat's habit of writing things in the margins of his books, but for the fact that they often show up with their pants on backwards and that if you put a Post-It note reading "Kick Me" on an INTP's back, he won't notice it no matter how many people kick him. That kind of entertainment never gets old.

COMPATIBILITY: INTPs make ideal companions to INTJs, as neither of them notices they're in a relationship.

Famous INTPs include Pierre de Fermat and almost everyone who knows what Pierre de Fermat wrote in the margins of his book.

A slightly more serious version can be found here:
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 40 (view)
To ADMIN - Site Problems July 4th : No new profiles OR View Me's Happening
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:49:58 AM
Same here. The only thing I can add is my favorite updates includes the pictures and name of someone I just added yesterday.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
Playboy Facts - Raw Data - sex on first date
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:07:32 AM
To follow up on Dominique777:

Personal Safety and Sexual Safety for Women Using Online Personal Ads

Paige M. Padgett?

This study examined the impact of the Internet on personal and sexual safety for women meeting men through online ads. Qualitative and quantitative data were collected with an online survey. Of the 740 women who completed the survey, 568 reported having met in person with a man who answered their online personal ad. Results revealed that women used e-mail communication prior to a face-to-face meeting to negotiate such issues as safety, boundaries, sexual preferences, history of sexually transmitted infections, and condom use. Thirty percent of respondents engaged in sexual activity on their first encounter. Seventy-seven percent of respondents who met an online partner did not use condoms for their first sexual encounter. The high frequency and intensity of e-mail communication prior to meeting in person cultivated acceleration of intimacy for the individuals involved and may have affected women's decisions to engage in risky sexual behaviors.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
The girls/boys night out, the end of many a marriage ?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:22:27 PM
Is this another way of saying marriages would last longer if all opportunities to stray were eliminated?

I don't see the high divorce rate as a sign that marriage as an institution is a problem, I see it as a sign many marriages were not that good to begin with. Had the opportunities of today been available in the 40's & 50's, I think many of those marriages would have ended also. But, I also realize there are many people who believe a bad marriage is better than singledom.

Personally, I don't think banning GNO/BNO changes what will happen, it just delays the inevitable, since the real issue is unhappiness in the relationship. But it's also easier emotionally to blame a noun (Person, place, thing or event) then to accept or deal with relationship issues. e.g. If only she hadn't gone to GNO ... If only they never met ... if only he hadn't gone to Vegas ... etc ... we would still be together. (Implying everything was fine till then.)

When what we want is similar to what we are compatable with, then issues like GNO/BNO will not be issues.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
forum spelling...
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:26:07 PM
While there are lots of Google hits for sexualty, I can't seem to find any dictionaries that consider sexualty a word. Does anyone have a link to a dictionary that has an entry for the word sexualty?
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 239 (view)
The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:48:43 PM
Every study I've seen that test lots of people actually show there are more introverts than extroverts, even though it's pretty close, around 52-48 or so.

Actually, if you look at the middle to letters, you would nominally expect every group be around 25% (since there are 4 possible combinations), but ...

xSFx 43% (Where many women fall)
xSTx 30% (Where many men fall)
xNFx 16%
xNTx 10 %

(%'s are approx, I know they don't add to 100, but then, I'm not posting a reference either :)

So if you wanted to write a book about relationships, and pick the demographic of xSFx women trying to understand xSTx men, you would probably get a lot of buy in.

Bob (INTP)
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
Don't you Google your dates?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:33:39 AM
I used to, but stopped because I was too successful. I would google women that just had interesting profiles, to see what I could find. It was more for the challenge of it.

I stopped because I did see one woman who looked interesting, and had some unusual notes in her profile. I ended up with her phone number, address, where she worked, the last promotion she got, etc. At that point, I felt awkward about contacting her because I knew too much about her life.

If you are worried about what people might find about you, don't just google your real name, google any username someone might know. Many people use the same username across many sites, and it can be quite eye-opening what other sites someone may be a member of. In some cases, googling gave me hits for women on gastric banding/bypassing sites, adult sites, vampire sites, mechanic sites, gardening sites, etc.

If you have a particular phrase or saying in more than one profile, that can show up too. Anyway, I stopped doing that for my own sanity.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
Has anyone tried just being sensual friends?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:55:22 PM
When you say "...everything else but intercourse..." the first thing that came to my mind was a concept from back in high school, "Technical Virgin", meaning everything but intercourse.

However, that definition as is would include naked bodies, mutual stimulation, masturbation, oral sex and orgasm.

I struggle with understanding the actual point of this.

If you met a marriable someone, are you are looking to say your penis was not in another vagina, because that would be important to her? I am assuming you would not consider a woman marriable if that was not important to her. With that out there, now you tell her you engaged in sensual friendships with other women, do you think she would consider that acceptable? If you met a woman who said she engaged in sensual friendships, would she be marriable?

This sounds to me like you are trying to "legally" push the limits of how much you can do and be able to be semantically correct when you make the statement "I have not had sex outside of marriage". Whether technically correct or not, this can easily be interpreted as being deceptive. For something of this nature, I would wonder how many other statements you make that are "correct", but are way into the grey area or misleading.


P.S. Have you considered a career in advertising or politics? >:)
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
Beyond initial attraction: Physical attractiveness in newlywed marriage.
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:29:43 AM
I agree that we should be ignoring Dr. Manny.

The title of the actual study, as opposed to the attempt to get eyeballs on a webpage, was

Beyond initial attraction: Physical attractiveness in newlywed marriage.

and contained results from 82 couples married less than 6 months.

What would be more interesting to me, would be a followup study, looking at these same 82 couples 5,10,15 years into marriage( if they make it that far) and comparing those results against the ones from 6 months. Also, re-rate physical attractiveness at those time points to see if appearance is still a factor.

Unfortunately, I think this kind of media coverage is typical, rephrase and stretch what is actually said into something sensationalistic. What I've learned is to distrust any blurb I see in general media (especially Fox) and go to the actual source of the "news".


P.S. Thanks TrailViews for the starting link to the source material.
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
what is with everyone being bi-sexual?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:50:37 AM
I'm sorry, I can't let the bell curve logic go by.

The bell curve is all about deviation from a mean value. A "standard" bell curve has about 68% of the total area within one standard deviation from the mean.

If you could, take a random sample of 1000 people, and have them do the following;
+1 point for every pure heterosexual encounter
0 for every bi-sexual encounter
-1 for every pure homosexual encounter.

Now, add up the numbers for everyone and divide by the number of encounters for everyone over a period of time, say the past 5 years.

If you could show that ratio is close to zero, then you could argue those people are mostly bi-sexual. If however, that ratio comes out close to 0.8 (or whatever) you will build a bell curve around 0.8, and about 680 people would be within 1 standard deviation from 0.8. (I should note, that as the ratio approaches the endpoints, the curve would have skew that would need some corrections)

The bell curve is NOT, pick three cases, and the middle one is most prevelent.

I have little issue with the sexuality of others, I do take issue with the logic behind the statement, 80% of people are bisexual.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:27:56 PM
There is a difference between saying sex is necessary and sex is sufficient. (Or sex is everything.)

In reality, the same is true of other traits ... just look at all the nice guy/girl threads. Having trust may be necessary, but it's not sufficient. Same for honesty, intimacy, respect, etc. My belief is trying to force order them in a list is superfluous, what does it matter that respect is "more" important than trust (or whatever) or both are more important than sex, they are all required.

But if you really think about it, are they? How many times has a man or woman been in a destructive relationship? They got little or none of what they said are required, but continue anyway? Sometimes what we "need" is a very temporal thing.

There are things that are important for long term compatability, and that's what most testing as related to relationships is trying to uncover; what are the important things to have similar, and what areas are differences better. But there are also things that are more or less important depending on your phase of life. At 52, sex is still important to me, will I think the same at 62? 72? 82? Only one way to find out.

There are many things that we as individuals need in our relationships. Some things you might not really need, even though "everyone" says you should. Some things you might feel are dealbreakers, even though "everyone" says they shouldn't be.

What is important to you? I mean really important. Those are the things that matter.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:21:56 AM
I would say something like "clingy" or whatever other label others may give it, is more ingrained in your personality rather than a flaw to be corrected. Just as someone who likes more "space" is not right or wrong, it's simply how they are.

The trick is, to find someone who sees it as an asset, rather than a detriment. This kind of issue often occurs because what may attract two people may be their differences, and a power play develops as each tries to declare their way the right way, or the way it should be.

I myself tend towards the need my space side of the coin. I don't see someone I would call clingy as needing to change, I would see them as not appropriate for me to spend a lot of time with.

This is the kind of issue that I do not believe can be resolved by working it out, either one or both of you are constantly going to be irritated by the behavior of the other. And when you both feel stressed, that's the time when those differences will really strain your relationship to the breaking point, instead of bringing you closer through adversity.

Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
Guys, is it true you have only these 3 basic needs?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:47:43 AM
I also don't care about the sports, and I agree with Dawn1114, Food, Sex and Fun.

Or, as I was once told by a woman back in my 20's:

The secret to men is keep their bellies full, balls empty, and laugh at the jokes.

:) Bob
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