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 Author Thread: Love at first sight
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:54:08 AM
LOL!!! No worries, I haven't been eating Bath Salts or anything and I'm not from Florida!!

Disclaimer: I am in no way shape or form insinuating that all people from Florida are on drugs or come from a family line of flesh eating zombies. If you don't understand my humor, please excuse me...I'm Canadian.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:51:00 AM

Thanks for all the replies! At the beginning, there was a tone of alienation, that I was alone. But reading on, finding that other's have experienced it... is awesome!

Perhaps I'm too much of a romantic idealist, for I do belive in instantainious love, or attraction, and the fairy tale "true love." Yet, understanding what it really is can be perplexing.

Sure, with time we can learn and reconize the things in others that we "love", but is this really love, or just an understanding of how well two individuals get along? And if this criteria is used to define love, then, can one love someone who possess no common traits at all?


I've found that there are different levels and stages of love.

Stage.1.
I love thunderstorms, camping, hunan dumplings, puddle hopping, Mario Brothers on Super Nintedo, the smell of a campfire, the smell and feel of rain, moss covered trees, the way my canoe paddle breaks into the glass surface of a lake first thing in the morning and of course...my coffee in the morning.

Stage.2.
I love my family, close friends, the sound of childrens laughter and the sound of the forest.

Stage.3.
I love my Son.

Stage.3.5
I love my Man

I think the way I differentiate stage 2 love and stage 3 love is how I communicate and want to communicate with them. When our date is over, do I miss him the moment he gets in the car and drives away? When I think of him do I smile and blush like a schoolgirl? Do I hang on every word he says? Do I stare at his lips a little longer than I should when he cracks a sexy smile? When he looks at me does my heart do a double thump? Or am I content to speak with him the next day or the day after? Do I hit a stage in our time together when I start planning what to buy at the grocery store during those awkward silences?

I met my fiance Sept.2011. My feelings for him are as intense now as they were then. What started out as very strong feelings at first sight quickly formed into Stage 3 love. But, I felt those feelings right from day 1 so maybe it was love all along. Who knows, but I can say that I personally am attracted to the way someone carries themselves in life and not just on physical attributes so lust did not come into play until I got to know him better.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:47:31 AM
I believe you can have very strong feelings at first sight, but full on love? Maybe. Maybe those strong feeling are full-on love but you don't accept it as that.

Sometimes it's a lot more than lust at first sight as well. Meeting that person who you just click with in every way and not just looking forward to getting to know them in a sexual way but also wanting to know everything about them, I think that's what the cliche is refering to.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:36:00 AM
I'm in a blended family right now so during the week we either have one or two kids with us and then on the weekend we either have both kids or no kids at all. There isn't much time for "Me Time" there and I think my partner is in the same frame of mind that when we don't have the kids that's "Us Time" that we both look forward to. When it's just us we don't feel the constant need for idle chatter. We are perfectly content in doing our own thing. I also work from home so I have a little too much "Me Time". If he wants to go out and do his own thing he's welcome to it without the guilt trip or resentment, me personally I like having him around and miss him when he's not.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 25 (view)
 
The best things in life are free
Posted: 5/24/2012 1:08:18 PM
@Oldhag what I described is him after the honeymoon phase...during the honeymoon phase was like nothing I had ever known. I swear it was like he was straight out of a romance novel! Don't get me wrong, he has his faults but so do I. pof really works ;)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Lesbians.. Was it a choice?
Posted: 5/24/2012 1:01:29 PM
I've always been attracted to both and have even experimented when I was younger with both sexes but in the end I chose to be with men. I think I chose men because I don't have the emotional strength to play a womans game. "yes yes...you look lovely...can we go now???" "Of course I want to watch the notebook again..."I'm sorry I didn't text you today!!"

Even I want to slap myself sometimes for some of the "chick" moments I have!
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Question for the ladies...what flirtatious body language have you used?
Posted: 5/24/2012 12:49:39 PM
The only time I really flirt on purpose is when I'm drunk, and I can be pretty bold. But I've been told by several men that there are times when I react to something they say and I have a habbit of blushing, biting my lip and looking away. Apparently that is flirting to them and apparently it works! lol. It's not something that's pre-meditated though.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
The best things in life are free
Posted: 5/24/2012 12:42:10 PM
I'm looking for:

someone who shares my sense of humor & sarcasm
someone who shares my passion for the outdoors
someone who looks at me with adoration in their eyes and a sexy smirk as I rant and rave over the injustice of life
someone who says my bedhead is sexy because it's real
someone who cooks dinner and does the dishes so I can relax for once
someone who will buy me a palm tree for my birthday so I don't feel the need to book a meeting south of the border
someone who calls me out on my sh*t
someone who can also appreciate the sound of silence
someone who won't let me sleep on the couch when I'm upset, no matter how much I protest
someone who says thank you when I go out of my way
someone who will pull over to a store because he thinks there might be something that may interest me
someone who will drive to Tim Hortons on a Saturday morning so I can have fresh coffee when I wake up
someone who will tell me to get dressed and then surprise me with a new hiking trail
someone with an incredibly attractive french accent who makes me melt when he speaks to me in his native tongue

I found him here on pof and we're getting married next summer. The best things in life really are free ;-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 197 (view)
 
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/24/2012 9:02:09 AM
I think it has to do with how long you have been with that person. In the beggining of a relationship I don't see that so much as later on in the relationship when conversation has altered a bit and the passion has died down. It's hard for any man or woman to see their "mate" conversing with someone of the opposite sex and appearing to be more enthralled with that person and the conversation then they are with you at times. I would be like that if my partner appears to be so engaged by the conversation that I might as well not exist and he/she is blushing profusely. But regular conversation? No. Besides, I can't be the one to talk since I get along better with men than with woman so most of the times when I am out my conversations are usually with men and since I am not shy about most topics, some would perceve me to be a little too open with their men even though to me it's just "being one of the boys".
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Stretch Marks!!!!
Posted: 5/24/2012 8:45:22 AM
My stretch marks are pretty noticable and they stretch up past my belly button, so I feel your pain! My x-husband said to me once that girls with stretch marks shouldn't wear clothing that display them because it's not attractive, my current boyfriend says that they don't bother him. Still, it's hard not to be shy about them. I personally feel less attractive with them, especially because they are accompanied by a belly. Oddly enough though, when I look at other woman with stretch marks I only see beauty in what they represent. You're a pretty girl and I don't think you will have any issues in finding a man that will see the beauty as well ;-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
curfew 11 yr old
Posted: 5/24/2012 8:27:16 AM
Funny I see this post, I just asked this question on my FB account. My Son is 9 and his curfew on the weekdays has been 7 because he does homework between 7-8 and then bed and on the weekends it was 8. But like you, He sees kids his age riding around on their bikes until after dark and thinks I'm unreasonable. Based on the FB answers I'm thinking maybe I am a bit over protective! lol. I decided to keep the same curfew on the weekdays until summer vaca and when he doesn't have school he needs to be in when the sun goes down. Heart pulputations much?? Ya!
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Are there any parents with special needs kids?
Posted: 5/24/2012 7:13:08 AM
Thank you PinkZombies, I completely agree with you! I am lucky in that he is open to attending school appointments and such with my Son and I have thought about taking him to my son's next appointment. What is the challenge is that there are times when he is perfectly "normal" and is able to follow instructions without question and not challenge everything infront of him. So we know that he is capable of what we are asking, but when he is unfocused and in the "zone", that's when things get very tough. I have had 9 years to adjust to this but he has not. It's frustrating because I want both of them to be happy but I can see that they are both on edge whenever they are in the room with each other. I have given my boyfriend many chances to back out because we both know it's not going to get better any time soon but he insists that he wants to stay, but yet he is unhappy. My Son is rude to him and defiant but when I ask him if he would prefer for us to be solo he insists that he doesn't want that and was even overly excited to hear that we were getting married. It's a constant challenge. But on the other hand my boyfriend is so frustrated with my son that when he does ask "politely" for him to do something he is using a condescending tone and his "please" and "thank-you's" sound like they are being hissed through his teeth which my Son picks up on and instantly rebels against. When my boyfriend is being genuine my Son follows his instructions a lot better and there is less fighting but my boyfriend has past the point of even wanting to be genuine so it's a viscious circle of challenge and rebel. And the only problem with that viscious circle is that the adult is ignoring the fact that the child has impulses which cannot be controlled at times and is easily set-off.

How old is your Son now? I sincerely hope that you find your love befor your Son turns 17, a man who is compassionate, sympathetic and so in love with you that he will stand beside you no matter what :-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Emotion or time
Posted: 5/16/2012 11:07:14 AM

Whoa.
You made him wait almost 6 months? How come? You werent sure, you didn't want to? (I know, I have all the grace of an elephant in a pottery store, but I'm just nosey like that lol. Feel free to tell me to talk a walk on a short pier)


LOL! And sorry for the delayed response :)

Do I sense a bit of sarcasm?? Ha Ha, I don't see you as an elephant...Just a drama queen dancing around in his living room!

Still seems a bit quick huh, but truth is that it still feels just right. Waiting until the honeymoon was over was a big motivation to wait. I wanted to see the real him and make sure that him and my Son weren't going to kill each other down the line. Even after the honeymoon I have to say that he's still everything I wanted and hasn't changed in such a way that has me regretting him. I don't see myself with anybody else now or later and neither does he, I guess it just feels right. That and if we wait any longer all of the damn bridges will be closed and none of my Montreal friends will be able to get to the South Shore to enjoy the camping reception!

Now when are you going to hook up?? I can introduce you to some of my friends, you seem like you would fit in with my crowd! Sarcasm and all lol
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Emotion or time
Posted: 5/9/2012 10:30:04 AM
I'm with damncantthinkofaname. I've been with my Man since Sept/2011, he's been proposing since Oct/2011 and I just said yes May/2012. I say go with your gut.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What would you say if your guy wanted a threesome...
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:26:00 AM
I'm with iiCeiiCe.

I don't judge or label anybody who wants to be experimental. I'm not saying I wouldn't because I'm not into the Man on Man because honestly, that could be interesting....but I'm just not into sharing.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:14:54 AM
lmao @ Capn_America!

uhh...bye!

HA HA HA HA!!

As for the how long is too long? I knew I wanted to be with the man I am with since the beggining. I loved his presence and who he was but I wasn't in love with him. I asked myself the same question. It took me walking out the door one evening with the intentions of not going back to realize that I had already fallen in love with him, but I was just guarding my heart the whole time and refused to recognize it. We are now engaged.

Sometimes our mind refuses to listen to what our heart is telling us. Good Luck :-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 130 (view)
 
Your partner gets a lap dance from a stripper, is that cheating?
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:23:08 AM

Oh, it's illegal in Quebec too. But since everyone from Politicians to Cops to the common man is getting some............................................
Get the idea?
They always get fired, but odly enough no charges are pressed, and they mysteriously get re-hired a couple days latter....LOL
I'm sure the same happens in the States, only it's more subtle than you think. I used to think it never happenned, that's until I met certain types of people who introduced me to a world I have no intention of getting back into. But it happens.


exactly! My Sister was a stripper so believe you me I know what goes on behind the scenes. You can even find strip joints here that have condom sucking machines...for when you are done. It's nasty. And when woman go to the strip joint it's even more crazy! They are pulled up on stage, danced with and walk away with the mans handprints all over their chest and arse. I'm sure you guys would love to see your woman come home with a mans handprint on her breast...
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Which of these men is most attractive? A, B, or C?
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:38:27 AM
I prefer B.


A. This man is all about Motocross and dirt bikes and is the only thing on his POF interest. He has countless motocross dvd's, he can take apart a dirt bike and put it back together better than new. He goes to all the dirt bike races and knows all the dirt bike trails in his area very well. It is his passion, he thinks of nothing but motocross and dirt bikes. Rides every day...


Unless the girl is as passionate about Motocross as the man, it doesn't sound like they will have much in common and she will want to do other things other than just Motocross. It's not very fun to be the one always standing on the sidelines and coming in second to whatever interest the man holds.


B. This man has a decent dirt bike he uses once in a while but also has several other interest. He bowls, goes camping, snowboarding, kayaking, surfing, and listens to a lot of Rock. He can do all these things well but not the best in the world.


This man will have more to talk about than just one singular subject. He would enjoy doing several things and doesn't sound to take everything so seriously. He sounds more laid back.


C. This man has a POF that has a huge number of interest. He is genuinely interested in every one of them but could never have the time to do all very well. He's into football cards, baseball cards, basketball cards, playing guitar, bass and drums, biking, canoeing, mountain climbing, skiing, snow tubing, white water rafting, stamp collecting, coin collecting, bottle cap collecting, all kinds of arts and crafts, film collecting, license plate collecting, robots, fishing, hunting, video game collecting, dirt biking, go-karting. Basically everything he may have done even a single day is on this list! To give you a better idea of who he is, he also has a dirt bike but it's been so long since he last used it that it won't start.


This man has way too much going on and I have visions of his house being aired on the next episode or hoarders. It's fine to have a passion for some things but it sounds like he's very unfocused and it doesn't take much for him to move his attention somewhere else.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Are there any parents with special needs kids?
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:01:20 AM
My Son is 9 and has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and think maybe he has Aspergers Syndrome with something else they are not sure of.

When he is on his meds he is for the most part fine. But when he is off first thing in the morning and after school...he is a challenge. He's oppositional, defiant, unfocused and very hyper. He has many great qualities to him but he does and says things that make it hard to remember that he's not always like this. It's exhausting having to constantly repeat myself and defend myself to him. He could ask something as simple as "Why is the sky blue?" and when I answer him he will challenge my answer with various other scenarios. But I love him, he is my Son and that will never change.

I am in a relationship (now engaged) to a man who is finding this very hard. There is constant head butting and he is not as tolerant as I am. He's very strict and at times dishes out punishments to my Son that I feel are too harsh. Granted my Son needs boundries, chores and discipline. This is something I was very light on when I was single and with my boyfriends stictness there has been some positive changes. But I'm torn because in one hand my Son can become extremely rude and no matter what I or my boyfriend does for him, it's never enough. But on the other hand I understand that my Son is not the average 9 year old boy so therefore I grant him certain allowances and pick my battles so that rather than being in arguments all the time, I'm not sweating the small stuff and just focusing on more severe behaviours. But my boyfriend sweats the small, medium and large stuff. Especially in the morning when my Son is extremely hyper and unfocused, they are at each others throats. I wish my boyfriend would just follow the thought process of "he's not on his meds, I'm just going to walk away because his impulsiveness is at it's peak and he is not fully in control of his actions." But he doesn't. Instead, he is threatened with further punishments and is instructed to do this, this and this with an expectation of complete compliance. It's as though he doesn't believe or want to recognize that my Son is not fully in control. Normal children put up walls of resistance, children with neurological disorders made the blue prints for those walls.

I know some would tell me that I am not with the right man and that I need to either stay single and concentrate on my Son or find a Man who is more compassionate to the cause. The problem is that I love this man and what he is asking of my Son is realistic, it's just how he's going about it that is not. We have spoken about this more often than not and I just can't seem to get through to him. I don't want to leave him because he is really really good to me and I love him. But he is unhappy because my Son is constantly pushing his buttons (not on purpose but just by his 'isms) and my Son is constantly being punished.

Has anybody else been in this situation and if so, how did you work through it?
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 81 (view)
 
He/she still watches cartoons...
Posted: 5/7/2012 6:19:26 AM

I own He-Man and The Masters of the Universe on DvD... its a hobby; it doesn't harm anyone, and its entertaining. Some cartoons are better as an adult (Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy) are better now then they were when I was a child.


I used to have all the He-Man figurines and the skelator castle. I wish I would have kept them for my Son!

He-Man, transformers (the orginal), DuckTales, Inspector Gadget and GI Joe (The original) are my happy times. Now with my Son, we can both get pulled into Johny Test, World of Quest and Total Drama Island.

Cartoons are a great reminder that you need to stop taking life so seriously.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Women in their 30s sexual peak vs Women in their 20s question
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:49:37 AM

Getting lucky with a woman in her sexual peak vs a 19 year old is like buying a 14 karat diamond vs a zirconia.

The ratio to what is GOOD and what is EASY are on two different plains...its best not to confuse the two.

Also...keep in mind that "sex" isn't the only thing that women get better at with experience, but also choosing their men. Just because they may want to have sex...doesn't necessarily mean they want to have it with you.


Agreed. I've always loved sex but now that I'm older, I still love sex (and I love it often) but not just with anyone.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Your partner gets a lap dance from a stripper, is that cheating?
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:44:54 AM

of course; why is this even a question? lap dances are sexual aren't they?

if a person wants lap dances i guarantee you there is more to it.


Exactly! You are paying another woman to dance naked on your lap (and if your in Quebec, well...dancing isn't what we would call it.).

If you were to come home and find your spouse on the couch with a naked woman on their lap gringing against them, would that be cheating? Of course it would. Just because it's being done at a strip joint doesn't change the act and walking into a strip joint doesn't give you a free pass to be an arsehole. My rule is never do anything without your spouse that you wouldn't do with your spouse.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Would you want to know?
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:36:17 AM
I would absolutely want to know.

Imagine a friend of yours knew that your boyfriend/girlfriend was cheating on you and said nothing. And when you finally found out you were being cheated on your friend knew, would you be like "I'm so glad that you decided to stay out of this." or "and you didn't tell me because?".
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Did someone make a mountain out of a mole hill?
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:19:33 AM
m_Church said it best.

It takes a lot of guts for some to do that, it's a sign that you trust the person and you are trying to keep the flame alive, possibly setting the stage for the next meet.

And so what if she is 50 or 60, look at Madonna!! I'm 35 and still look at woman that age and think "If only I could be in that kind of shape even now!"

One thing about most woman (not all) is that they want to feel as though you cherish them. By showing your buddies those pics, your telling her that you don't mind sharing her with your friends. Not a good way to make a girl feel cherished.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 34 (view)
 
the couple that doesnt talk
Posted: 5/2/2012 10:05:44 AM
I was in a relationship like that. To take it one step further, he would grab a newspaper and start reading it while I watched other couples communicating with each other at other tables. What used to really get to me was that he would say there was nothing to say that he hadn't already said, then I would hear him on the phone with friends talking about things that happened during the day/week that I had no clue about. Turned out that it wasn't that he had nothing to say, it was that he just couldn't be bothered saying it to me.

Before the ignored spouse would have to compete for attention with friends and the TV, now we add smartphones into the mix and voila - now they don't need to talk to you even when you guys are out of the house!

It's nice to be with someone that you don't feel the need to be filling the gap of silence with conversation all of the time. We all need that quiet time for reflextion. But when you find yourself sitting with your spouse wanting to have a conversation but not knowing what to talk about...maybe that's something you can talk about.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 148 (view)
 
FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 4/27/2012 8:53:40 AM
Thank you. And I do agree that there is a large number of professional men and woman who are fully incontrol of their lives and are in high paying professions that prefer to be submissive in bed. Not just woman but men too. A friend once took my to a "Fetish Cafe" And I got to speaking with one of the Doms and she said that the majority of her clients were successful business men. She said that they are in control of so many things and responsible for so many people that it's a release for them to be able to hand over that control just for the moment and be the submissive one. But I think there is a difference between being a regular sub and just having the occasional feeling of wanting to be over-powered.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 145 (view)
 
FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:24:59 AM
It's funny, this was originally posted in 2005 I believe and the conversation back then was much more intelligent and less judgemental. It's sad how much we have digressed in our tolerance towards others.

As others have pointed out, if you look up a womans top 10 fantasies you will find fantasy rape among that list. Why do you think that the majority of top grossing books are the bodice rippers and alpha dominant eroticas? Most woman want to be equal with their clothes on and dominated with their clothes off. Ya, I said it. If you look up the actual meaning of fantasy rape instead of assuming, you will see that the woman is not looking to be beaten or hurt. Giving up control and letting your partner just unleash on you is incredible. You don't judge him for playing out his needs and he doesn't judge you for yours. And instead of judging 90% of the female population, read up on it and learn the phycology behind it rather than assuming. Boo judgeres and haters, very boo.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Guys, do you continue to do all the little things for your girl even later in the relationship?
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:43:21 AM
This is a question that I have struggled with as well. For me, it's not the act itself that catches my eye but the meaning behind the act. I would think (and hope) that when you are going out of your way for a person it really means "I was thinking about you.". So as the relationship starts to progress and the constant gestures of affection dwindle down, does that mean that you are thinking less of the person? When sex dwindles down and your partner starts to turn his head towards other woman/men and even comment on them where as he/she never did before, does that mean he's/she's had his/her fill of you and now you're merely an outlet for relief when the need arrises rather than someone you want to connect with on an intimate level? When your partner lessens his/her communication and intimate time with you and turns to other things to hold their attention, is it because there is nothing left to say and it's time to move on? Or was it really a front in the beggining like Ice Man suggests and once he knows he's won you he's free to relax and just be him/her self. Or, are we just over-analysing and even though the passion has dwindled down, it doesn't mean your partner thinks any less of you.

You would think that the above questions are ridiculous but to me they are very significant and the topic of the thread is probably the maker and breaker of most relationships. Whether it's a front in the beggining or just a lack of motivation to carry on, it's a recipe for disaster. The person you were is the person your partner fell in love with and by dropping the facade you're leaving them with a stranger. If you treat your woman like she is your everything right from the get-go and then start treating her as if she's just an option later on, you only have yourself to blame later on when she's walking out the door to her next prince-charming. Better have that mask handy...

This happened in my last marriage and I spent many years hoping I would wake up to the man I fell in love with. I would speak to him about this and he would make the effort for a week or so. But after I left him I realized that I didn't want him to be making an effort, I wanted it to be effortless on his part. Now I'm in a relationship where my Man has been the gentlemen and treated me very well since the beggining but the intensity has dwindled down and although I know it's natural for some passion to die, I have visions of my failed marriage and fear that if it dwindles any more then I will be left loving him too much to want to leave but going to sleep each night hoping that tomorrow will be different. In my case I know I'm over analysing a future that I have no control over but the insecurities of my marriage are like a weight on my shoulder and I know it's not fair to him or myself but feelings and insecurities are not an emotion you can easily switch on or off. I'm working on this. For now, I'm just gratful that he's treated me better than I've ever been treated and am grateful to have him in my life.

Be real from the start and if you feel that you're quickly losing the will to make those small gestures of affection then maybe your not with the right person. If you have to make an effort to let your partner know they are still your everything then have enough respect for your partner to move on until you do find that person who is in your thoughts when you go to sleep and when you wake up - effortlessly right through to old and grey.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 54 (view)
 
I hope all men don't believe this!
Posted: 4/12/2012 6:04:27 AM

when our SO speak of how cute,hot,sexy someone else is, it makes us feel insecure. We feel like if the object of their attraction looks like that, then that must be what he/she is attracted to. This causes us to feel like we dont measure up in the looks department. just like when guys look too long or comment on other women, it creates a feeling of insecurity in us, same goes for men. they want to feel and think that they are the only ones who makes our loins tingle...


I believe this to be true, but more so when your SO is complementing other woman more so than he is complementing you. When your SO shows more interest in others than you then you can't help but feel the above when such comments are made. I don't think people should be labeled as insecure or controlling when they voice their dislike to having their SO ogling others. You never know what the circumstances are behind that, and usually there are circumstances. Sure it's fine to point out a pretty lady or handsome man, but don't forget about the person who is standing right beside you...

As for the original question? Come on now, do you really believe that Horsesh*t?
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Surrender
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:03:50 PM
I think the answers differ based on different interpretations of the meaning. To me, to surrender would be to not hold back. To trust that no matter what I do or say, I will be accepted and not condemned by my SO. To allow for my SO to break down the walls that I have built and to not keep him at an arm’s length...just in case.

I also believe that it could mean surrendering the "I" in the relationship and accepting the "We" for what it is. As my fellow Quebecer has stated so well, It's no longer about yourself and there are a certain amount of compromises that must be met in the relationship if it's going to work.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Instinct of Nature
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:49:45 AM
Great Thread!

I agree that both men and woman have certain instincts that follow with us through evolution however I do see some patterns that suggest that perhaps even though the base needs are still there, each of our needs have evolved.

For example, I completely agree that a man can be driven by sex however once he has it he will need so much more than that. People are saying it is the woman that is looking for the provider but I believe that is just as important for the man as well. I have many male friends who went after the "trophy wife" and even had an incredible sex life with her, but the relationships never lasted that long. As good as they looked on the outside, their princess mentality and lack of intelligence and nurturing instincts got to the men.

I also know a lot of woman who settled down with the alpha male and now see them every weekend when they are dropping the kids off at his house and going back home to the more Bill Gates type of guy. Not necessarily money wise but the man who doesn't feel the need to be a peacock in order to impress the ladies, but has the feathers none the less.

I am not a barbie doll and don't compare to the tall thin big boobed models of the world, but looks aside I do have the rest of the package. I've been married to the alpha and been with the pretty boys of the world and have been proposed to by 4 seperate men. Why? Because I don't deny my instinct to nuture and care for the man of the house and the children. I put them first and don't deny their insticts. But being the alpha male does not mean standing in your underwear on your front porch with your hand on your woman's arse and your other hand beating at your chest while you are declaring to the neighbourhood and anyone else who will listen that you are king of the castle. Being Alpha means you understand that the muscle car isn't suitable for camping trips with the family, understanding that your wife works too and can't be expected to take on all the work load of the house and children and hanging out with your friends and in strip joints should probably be reconsidered when your family is waiting for you at home.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/8/2012 6:33:38 AM
On second thought...not going there...
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 211 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 3/8/2012 5:34:05 AM
Well said cckch :-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 47 (view)
 
The other double standard. Why does it seem women are afraid to grab a man's assets?
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:39:13 PM

LOL I know, I get that. Used to work at Sunlife. Make girls swoon!


You know!! I don't know why but he seems so shy to speak french to me and in reality it's like a huge turn-on! The only time it becomes annoying is when he's speaking with his family (who doesn't speak English) and I hear my name...and then he just turns and smiles. Hmm and Grrr. But at least he has the accent when he's speaking English, so cute ;-)

Oh, and I liked the censured profile pic better, that was an absolute lol!
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 44 (view)
 
The other double standard. Why does it seem women are afraid to grab a man's assets?
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:13:30 PM

Origins maybe, but culture? I dont think its that true anymore. French and english, its not that much different anymore, not as true as it was in the 1960s. But it depends a lot on age at this point. My age, not so different. 60+...a world appart lol.


You would think that to be true but not so!! A drastic example would be Christmas. The English open one present the night before (maybe) and the next morning they wake up and open the rest. The French do not do this. They celebrate everything on Christmas eve including opening of the presents. They are more open and verbal about sex than the English and have a very strange (yet entertaining) sense of humor. Take Tetes A Claques for example.

But don't get me wrong, I love my frenchmen and wouldn't trade him in! It's just that it takes some getting used to. I guess it doesn't help that I don't speak French and he's more french than English! But he gets by and his accent is sexy as hell to me! Now, when he gets adventurous and speaks French to me in the bedroom...well...I don't know what he's saying but there is no choice for me but to initiate! lol


Boy George and Vanilla Ice screwed up a LOT of people.....


...That explains so much! I should really take those guys out of my playlist ;)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
The other double standard. Why does it seem women are afraid to grab a man's assets?
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:33:43 AM
"Wooooo, I need a dirty woman, Wooooooo, I need a dirty gal"

I so understand about the cultural thing and that was along my lines of thinking. Before I started dating my Beau I just thought that the french/english thing was nothing more than language differences. Now I know that the French have a very different culture and it's been a learning experience to say the least! But I love it so it's all good ;-)

And like you, I too remember being the odd one out because I came from a single parent home and now if you come from a two parent home you are the one who is the odd man out. I blame it on Madonna. Ok, not really...maybe George Michael? Ha hahaha!
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 33 (view)
 
The other double standard. Why does it seem women are afraid to grab a man's assets?
Posted: 3/7/2012 6:16:31 AM

I'll comment if you'll post your picture.


I remember his pic when he had it up! It totally suited his forum personality too!!

[insert me flipping the bird right back at him with an evil grin]
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
The other double standard. Why does it seem women are afraid to grab a man's assets?
Posted: 3/7/2012 6:13:24 AM

LOL Yeah, but your from Quebec right? Our girls are usually a lot more open with sexuality, I've learned
If I have to do a comparison from what I met on here, a lot of American women are apparently very cold, like freezing. "Sont frettes en maudit" like they say


Indeed I am from Quebec but oddly enough I am not French and this is the first time I have ever dated a Frenchmen! lol! But how can woman (or men) not be perves in the great land of Quebec?? Walking down St-Catherines the pattern is strip joint, grease joint, sex shop, strip joint, grease joint, sex shop, strip joint, depanneur, grease joint, pawn shop, sex shop....!!! Shopping downtown is like foreplay for us! Speaking of...this weekend may be nice..
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 304 (view)
 
girls with high sex drive
Posted: 3/7/2012 5:51:11 AM
@Andelsbigheart - I'm with you on that one. I too have a very high sex drive but if I'm not in a relationship then the stock in Duracel goes up!! I was celebate for 7 years and now that I'm in a relationship I feel as though I'm trying to make up for lost time...poor guy!
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
The other double standard. Why does it seem women are afraid to grab a man's assets?
Posted: 3/7/2012 5:44:16 AM
I found that most woman are perverts including myself and are probably more crude than men...or that's just me and my friends.

One thing that I can think of is lack of confidence. My xhusband didn't take too well to how forward I was at times and it left me feeling insecure with myself and feeling a bit like a freak. Even in my new relationship I do still grab and initiate sex and play but it's not as often as I would like just for the simple fact that I have a higher sex drive than he does and nothing kills the ego like him falling asleep during foreplay or feeling as though he has to "take one for the team" when all he really wants to do is watch a movie or sleep. Could be fear of rejection.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
When to move in together???
Posted: 3/2/2012 10:49:28 AM
I was in a similar situation. I met my guy in Sept/2011 and we just moved in together this past weekend. He was already pretty much living at my house so it wasn't that big of a step, it's just that I have a kid and so does he so we needed more room.

With that being said...

Because you have children involved, make for certain that they not only get along with your new boyfriend but he gets along with them as well. Other than that, do what you feel is right and don't hold back because you are trying to follow some made-up dating standards that society has dictated to you. Life is too short and happiness doesn't come with instructions.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 5:20:29 AM
Mind you, I keep speaking as though we are assuming that the head of the household is the only working member. If the family has 2 working parents, then although the head is responsible for making sure their family is safe and living within their means, he/she also has to recognize that their spouse has been working all day too and can't expect to get home and rest while the other gets home and continues their second job of chores and taking care of the kids. It's got to be equal in every sense.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 147 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 5:14:31 AM
@sylvanswan

You are spot on! In order to have a child and raise a family you need to be completely selfless in your motivations and you actions moving forward. Having a child and raising a family means that you are no longer number 1.

To me personally, the way this ties into head of the household is recognizing that each member of the family has a role to play in order to achieve all that you have stated as well as maintain a proper balance of a healthy relationship at home. Whether it is the man or the woman who is the head, there will always be a leader. It is the primal instinct of moat men (not all) who take on that role. Being the leader does not give you the right to abusive of that power, it simply means that you are taking the precautions to make sure your family is safe, financially stable and putting a firm foot down when someone is living outside of their means and in my opinion it's always good to have that good cop bad cop scenario during a crisis in the home so the child knows what the final word is and also knows that he/she has a sympathetic ear to turn to when in trouble.

The parent who is not the head has the responsibility of keeping the piece, maintaining a balance in the home that keeps all parties satisfied, attending to everything that the head of the household has worked so hard to achieve as a sign of appreciation as well as for health reasons (if you are at home...for god's sake will you pick up a broom!), and when the children are in bed it is time to show your appreciation to the person who is working their arse off so you can live this life by taking care of them so they can relax. If you are in love with your spouse and truly do appreciate the situation then doing so won't be a chore but a pleasure. At least it was like that in my case.

Now for a couple that has no kids? I believe that being the head just means being the one making the final decisions and if they are with a spouse who doesn't work, then all of the above but without the kids.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 142 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/23/2012 1:58:09 PM

Hmmm, did you ever stop and think there could be various reasons why a woman chooses not to marry and have children besides being a whore, feminist, bra burner, addicted to a career, etc. etc.? Do you realize that it is also a huge decision NOT to have children? Do you stop and think that some people make their choices very carefully as the future is not predictable? Or just because a woman chooses something else that she has nothing personal to the woman that do choose marriage and family? And that she is grateful to have a life without children even though she likes kids? And that women are more educated these days,more capable than our mothers/grandmother's were in some ways, and some really celebrate that? Oh yes, and some women have talent for a career AND family too and manage to do BOTH well?

Do you think that user *ComplexEnigma chose to be a correctional officer on Death Row in the state of Texas to (be) "so determined to prove to society" she was an "equal"? Seriously, that just sounds so f ucked up to me..... (and you have my utmost respect Comple Enigma). I can't see you saying it to her IRL anyways...lol.

I was raised in a household with both parents who I respected equally, no labels were used (thank you Ma and Pa), so it just comes to make sense these old cliche's like "Head of the Household" or another favorite of mine "Who wears the Pants" are just silly statements to me...


I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. and have put words in my mouth.

I think bravo to woman who choose to have a career and choose not to have children. Woman are capable of many things, being a woman myself I know this. I do not believe that our gender is destined to slave over a man all day whether she is a stay at home mom or not.

I do however believe that our children would benefit a lot more if they were being raised by their parents and not by hired help. Nowadays it is barely cost effective to do so, but if it were I believe that if a married couple (or not married) decided to be a family and raise a child, they should do just that. It's a lot easier for woman these days to be more cautious in who they choose as a mate and if they are with someone who is not abusive, respects their opinions and is dedicated to the family then in choosing wisely it would be a better situation.

Do you honestly believe that our children are in a better position now? I am a full time worker and a part time mother. I say this because I am at work all day and after picking my son up from daycare I have 2 hours to cook, clean, bathe him, spend time for play and/or homework before I put him to bed. The majority of his day is being spent outside the home. Like it or not, I'm not the only one raising him and developing his morals and preparing him for life. If I could be the one to play that role on a full time basis I absolutely would. But it's not financially possible. And the worst part is that when I get home I am exhausted from work and after dinner I truly just need a break! Sometimes I give into that and sometimes I don't. But if I was picking my son up from school at 3:30 when it ends, I'd be home early enough to cook dinner and have it on the table for when my partner gets home and because all of the cleaning would have been done prior and between 3:30 and lets say..5pm I would have had time to prep dinner and help my Son with his homework, that equals to more family time at night. The man is less exhausted when he hits the pillow because everything at home has already been taken care of and his woman isn't worn out and crying off sex because she's so tired (I'm not saying all woman do this and I am fully aware that the man does it too). That makes for a better situation in my eyes. But that's just me.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/23/2012 5:38:52 AM
@grizzelda

I believe that men were much better providers when the woman would let them be. There will always be a schmuck here or there but nowadays men aren't allowed to just be men. We are 2 completely seperate entities and as much as woman have needs, so do men.

How many grandparents or great grandparents (depending on your age) do you know are seperated or divorced? No, our grandparents play a big part in our lives as the cookie giver and the wise and compassionate shoulder when mom and dad are being unreasonable. Our children now are going to be saying "I'm going over to my grandma and step-grandfathers house tomorrow and then next week I'll go see grandpa and his new squeeze..."

Grandpa did a great job at making sure grandma was always provided for and now they have their house and are spending their winters in florida. That's the natural order of things. Now who knows what's going to happen. Why couldn't we just let our men be men and work on putting laws in place that correct the men who weren't really being men but jerks? If we could have just done that then our kids would be able to have cookies with both of their grandparents in the same house!

...And I'm with Zen on all this. Woman can be equal jerks if not more. It was wonderful when our men were out fighting the war and coming home to pregnant wives who just had to invite the mailman in for coffee. There are 2 sides to every story :-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/23/2012 5:27:09 AM

Did you perhaps stop and think for a minute that NOT ALL women want babies and the picket fence and neat white house with a swing set in the yard? That some women actually looked at all their options and made choices that suited them better?


That's great for a casual sex kind of life or a "I'm never going to have kids" kind of life but the question is about the head of the household which most people look at that as a "family" situation. What's unfortunate is that there are woman with the attitude as stated above who already have kids and because having kids is all about what the mother wants it's only natural to rip the family apart to pursue her career?


Again, some women actually love their jobs and realize that their jobs/careers actually contribute something worthwhile in their lives.


That seems to be the norm these days. Woman are so determined to prove to society that they are equal that while they are busy burning their bras away from the home they are ignoring the fact that little tommy misses his Mom and wishes that at least one of his parents had time for him and the husbands are wondering what the hell happened and why the wife is too tired to help out around the house and maybe snuggle a bit at night. Why can't Woman value the fact that they were given the incredible ability to bring a child into this world and then a nurturing nature to raise that child in a loving and safe envirnment. Do you honestly believe that there has been no concequences to having 2 working parents and underpaid staff raising our children? Think about it.

When Men were the true heads of the households I agree that the woman were powerless to their husbands and woman suffered for it. Rather than evolving from that to the society we are now, we should have possibly considered using our voices to put in place laws that protect woman from their abusive partners rather than going to the extreme and abandaning family values and most importantly our children. But of course now our hands are forced to do so. We have done such a great job in showing how equal we are in society that you have to be very well off to have only one parent working while the other stays home and takes care of the family.

So if letting the man be the head of the household means me being able to stay home with my kid, keep the house clean during the day and make supper so we can eat when the man gets home which leaves for more family time at night and regular sex without feeling exhausted, sign me up! I have no problems allowing my man to make the important decisions and being the one to put his foot down, after all...I would never choose a man who would abuse that power and who doesn't follow along with the same line of thinking and values as me. Remember, now we can wisely choose our man.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Discussing Intimate details with someone of the opposite sex
Posted: 2/21/2012 10:45:05 AM
Very well said Surface, at least you know your mind. I like that you are comfortable enough with who you are to recognize what is alright to you and what is not but at the same time you recognize that Woman tick a bit differently and you respect her boundries and feelings as well. I know some men who play the role that you are playing with the difference that they do so to feed their own masculin ego and look at their SO as a serving ego-booster rather than a true mate. Hats off to you :-)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Discussing Intimate details with someone of the opposite sex
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:36:13 AM

Can your partner really come to you and talk to you about you?


Absolutely


A lot of relationships suffer because of lack of communication on one or the others part. Lots of times some feel they cant talk to their mate? Why is that?


Depending on who the mate is, they may be an overly sensitive person or a wall of emotions. It takes a lot of courage to speak your insecurities and frustrations with the one you love, it's hard when they won't listen.


Do you make it difficult for them to do so?


Nope. A man who can speak with an open mind and speak out his feelings is a major turn-on for me. Bring it on! you can only learn from your mistakes, if you are not aware you are making a mistake then you will never learn.


How would you feel if your mate/spouse went to their friend (of the opposite sex) to discuss issues about you and your relationship?


I would only have an issue with it if he didn't follow up with me after his conversation. I value a third-party opinion and as long as I'm not being crude about the discussion then I will seek advise and have no issues with my partner doing the same. But as I mentioned, there is a difference between complaining about an issue with a third-party just for the sake of complaining and actually asking for advice so you can have an intelligent conversation with the person in question.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Flirting while in a relationship: Is it cheating?
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:07:27 AM
I believe there a different levels of flirting. I am a natural flirt and when I catch myself saying something that could be portrayed as flirtatious then I correct myself and laugh it off. I would never intentionaly outright flirt with another man whether my Man is with me or not.

Joking around with someone you know and complementing them on their new outfit, haircut or weight loss is one thing but insinuating that you've noticed them and you are liking what you see from a sexual stand-point is disrespectful to the person you are with. And if you are flirting more with strangers and "friends" than you are your own partner then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/21/2012 8:48:23 AM
@Mystikalme - Spot on. I completely agree with you. I like the idea of the Man being the head of the household and I would love nothing more than to take care of the house and kids and then my Man when he comes home. The reality is that that is just not do-able in todays times with the cost of living. Both of us make pretty good salaries but yet with the cost of daycare, gas, food and so on we are still living paycheck to paycheck. Woman just had to open their mouths and demand equal rights...what is the benefit of having to work 8-5, come home and cook, clean, take care of the kids and then your spouse? And how in Gods name has that benefited our children who now have to be brought up by strangers while we go out and work all day? Bravo woman, you really showed those men whose boss....now we get to work all day and then fit 8 hours of household chores and family time into 2 hours per night.

To me, head of the household means leading the family in the right direction even if it means being the bad guy. Making sure the bills are paid and food is in the cupboards, so being incharge of the budget whether you are a 1 salary household or 2. The discaplinary of the household. And if that man has a good woman waiting for him at home I'm certain he would do so with pleasure.
 
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