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 Author Thread: Cathartic Expression of Authentic Self
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 729 (view)
Cathartic Expression of Authentic Self
Posted: 1/29/2010 3:34:55 AM
time lies more in water dripping
than beating against a single chest
everything a perception pushing
nerves strung across mere music
stroked by afterthought until
better leads to best

path to pathway steps across
running down the crawl
preparing for the end of everything
the beat stops at
the shore of inner sea
poured into words

now free
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
Humor vs Seriousness in a Relationship or Courting/Dating
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:29:28 PM
As if first meetings weren't minefield enough...

Anyone not being themselves from the start can't possibly believe that anything lasting in value is about to occur despite ourselves... it takes chemistry driven inspiration , linkages leaping into existence to prevent the demons of our past from suicide bombing every chance we get to start something good.
Someone playing 20 questions with a knife behind their back is certainly the kind of evening I enjoy...

Lets do this again
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 76 (view)
How Important Is Musical Taste In A Relationship?
Posted: 12/22/2009 1:12:10 AM
Music isnt just patterned molecular vibration . We sense with more than our ears as memory adds the 4th dimension of time to virtually everything playing within our sphere. Every dance close in , from first to last requires an attuning to another.
Is it important to share what attracts us to seek closeness?
Only if you desire passion that grows from contact.. those selfishly seeking a scratch for an itch can ignore any difference temporarily..
are you open to beauty that arcs higher from a mutual appreciation? the avenues of egress between us span sensibilities to competitive sport...
Music provides the range of complexities that life presents but organized into a story that explains some aspect of your own.. or tugs on a single blue thread that is all that holds back your sorrow
what we share matters ..
if what we are ever lasts past the random , and lives past the lies..
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 665 (view)
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 12/20/2009 3:20:26 AM
its hard to seek eternity in the time we have to be
our circle runs around the fly but quakes before the tree
excited by the senses spur to move so carelessly
hello's promise to goodbyes lament , a wave for all to see
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
Posted: 12/14/2009 9:57:26 PM
Impossible to refine the interactions we examine in stop action, then label ..into one group of experiences with directions for making better outcomes.
But hey , isn't part of the pleasure in pretending flexing our creativity before the mirror of the reactivity of others? Reality is overdefined and under experienced by those seeking answers to questions about energy deficits that never seem to be resolved. We claim to seek inspiration or at least a jump start away from ennui..
Most settle for pain and recovery with a purple heart of insight.
The lack of attention to the detail of direction is only one choice on the menu. Many choose to clarify while in motion because the depth of diving is limited and sufficient becomes a downward spiral with a time driven tail.. its a lot of "ings" to participlely shove past the action verbs we'd rather display..reflecting ,understanding,choosing

but its no more than all those neurons demand.. motion into movement
under will
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 123 (view)
The guilt and shame that women are placing on men...
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:53:26 PM
regardless of how i feel about my own development ..about how after 3 marriages i understand myself well enough to not be shaken by cliched shallow attacks..still i can understand after raising 2 daughters the dilemma Western women face.
In a world where the most populous nation culturally accepts selectively killing off female fetuses. Where the most radical religion places the power of life and death of female family members in the hands of husbands ,brothers and fathers.. to know we are a but an island in a sea of ignorance about gender fairness.. i appreciate some of the attitude I see online from women expecting better of their own brothers, husbands and fathers.. but i will never like fashion shows , overbuying shoes or thinking that because other males are buttheads that I should feel guilty... not happening

we are all responsible for continuing to you think making it a gender war helps anyone?
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 84 (view)
Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:29:42 PM
In a Kantian dream where everyone is operating with the same manual, driven by the same fully developed sense of purpose... I wonder if we will cease to interact with enough passion to continue our species.. Isn't it our differences and the desire to understand them that fuels so much of the post "Ive knocked off the new and its time to move on" passion that actually lasts?.. I agree that the desire for compromise can be over internalized, screwing with the very important quest we all share of becoming purified versions of ourselves .. like poles on a battery , maximizing potential by focusing on what we can generate , males - humanizing without feminizing
females finding courage in a journey of self actualization that doesn't lead to daily 5 oclock shadow.....
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 658 (view)
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:11:21 PM
ignoring limits to pretend we have none,
takes a knife to every eye

a trial and error taste of experience
running on the stumps
of going just a little too far

"I wanted to live in the realm of the senses
you have to know how
for some kinds of pleasure there are no defenses
i know that now"

J. Browne..Waiting For You
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1517 (view)
leaking out around the patch...
Posted: 11/26/2009 5:52:17 PM
what tales a moment tells in the glance over our shoulder
seems more than just the tree we didn't see
straining the obvious for a subtle trail grown colder
spitting bark and teeth to memory's melody

mammals never leave behind the dietrus of their changes
we wear the bones of every where we've been
growing selfish to selfless, arranged to rearranges
we elevate a mistake by labeling it a sin

guarantee a loss by swearing we can't win
then bewail our depression when we wake to try again

no wonder we can't get up
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 84 (view)
Older men, younger women, and death
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:23:23 AM
Ten years ago, my father ( then 76, now 86) gave me some advice.. due to the late blooming, long lived nature of the males in our family, look for a woman 10-15 years younger than yourself.. (his wife is 16 years younger ) Dad is still working 6 days a week in his little business as well as taking care of an acre size yard and garden.. at 58, I work scheduled 16 hour shifts levels and longevity are parameters that have to be considered on an indiviual basis ( genetics and attention to overall health being the major factors) most women of my own age are simply not prepared to live at my pace.
to say male death brings the inevitable end to a relationship between an older man and a younger woman denies a reality of life.. we are just learning what our real life span might be .. how those years can be spent depends in a large part on how we take care of ourselves along the way... while open hearts on 80 year olds are now common place , when i started in the lab in 1972 even fifty year olds were considered high risk..
Old isnt a fixed target...its a very individual state of being....

I wonder when the OP will begin to see himself in that light?
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
Altrusim vs. Individualism
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:24:56 PM
whatever nirvana man can imagine and strive for requires an understanding of our own nature..ignoring the salaries ( not just monetary) every position pays, leads to misunderstanding the real affects on the doer.. a policeman struggles with handling power in one on one confrontations, a politician seeks approval for exercising his own desire to rule...the struggle between inside out vs outside in control of both self and society is more than just a clash of belief systems and political parties.. its the external evidence of our desires to improve our situation while still feeling good about ourselves. I listen to every voice selling their own version of lets make a deal and know its necessary .. we are all competing for the same resources system is ever going to resolve this "fairly"..all we can ask for is a playing field that is large enough to offer some space and level enough to give most a meaningful chance..
perfection isnt legislated , and Shangra La isnt an election away
the struggle will be won or lost by and within each of us...
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 336 (view)
Hypothetical dilemma for Vegans/PETA...
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:38:47 PM
Isn't it great to have a choice.. to challenge yourself take a stand and live with what it costs you..cows can't choose to graze or lions choose to eat kosher..we are such a fascinating mix of seekers and players with our food.. I guess whatever works to keep you going will always have a home somewhere.. even if its just in your fridge
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
Is there a limit to what we can learn and understand ?
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:30:09 PM
pushing at perceived walls requires expansions of perception to move.. the carrot stays at a distance but now we can see it better , smell it.. anticipate the moment

time , effort and focus defines the limits for all we do.. as individuals and collectively as a species.. the balance between creation and destruction historically favors entropy

eventually the juggler drops the ball
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 101 (view)
Old and New Testament. The biggest scam ever.
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:26:08 PM
not sure if that was intended to be an insult or a confession..

Since i have no idea what you have accomplished and mostly pleasant memories of ideas that became reality on more than one continent,
I guess I'll just let whatever you meant, stand on its own
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 97 (view)
Old and New Testament. The biggest scam ever.
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:10:29 PM
Understanding to some small degree (a) being(s) capable of creating stars seems less of a fantasy than claiming to interpret whatever words the barely literate might have used to describe the messages received thru such an unequal interface..baud rate does matter.. I would like to pretend to know more than i do but every time Ive done so and then tried to actually invent or innovate , I have failed. It takes total focus without ego flavored, poorly disguised self stroking to achieve anything real.
Why would winning an argument matter if no subsequent action was forthcoming

We understand no more than we are capable of understanding..think for a moment that doesnt vary?
Somehow in the muddled mess of everything we have ever written perhaps there is some truth.. maybe id rather find my own in places that inspire without inflaming

I guess its more about where we are in the who we could be... damn baud rate..
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
Altrusim vs. Individualism
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:11:40 AM
The inner techniques we employ (as part of our grooming of a self esteem that is capable of continuing to grow) are only labeled when we see similar actions in others then suddenly examine a few of our own with the same detachment.
Altruism is a description that has a positive push but without some reward ( be it only the reflected glory of climbing on the pedestal and celebrating the momentary deviating from our gene driven selfishness) it " ain't gonna happen" ..
at some level the real laws of energy generation and consumption require at least a good feeling or else movement toward some yet unseen objective ( thats the kind that sometimes makes us shudder later)
I will not argue against whatever makes it more pleasant to live close enough to occasionally see my neighbors and sometimes even converse.. but there are reasons why you have only a few really good friends.. understanding the roots of that and consciously selecting behaviours that sustain a mutually pleasant shared reality still is to your own benefit..pretending it isn't forms a part of the personal sleight of hand we all employ( see - self esteem- building and grooming)
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 574 (view)
Cathartic Expression of Authentic Self
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:08:44 PM
no one lied about it being easy , not that i believed
the hostility of hands held against a growing realization
the why has disappeared
stolen by the sadness born of belief
dying in sympathetic spasms
time of death lost in lingering looks
toward the door

I chased a feeling once
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 2082 (view)
/////\\\\\ 6 Lines or Less //////\\\\\\
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:36:40 PM
staring from within the wall of bone ,a bowl, only place i can live
life poured, then stirred me in
ideation built from nouns of nonsense vanishing as they begin
you swear its never been your plan ,explaining virtue in your sin
but the rules in your game always change til you win
not too much to lose ,never less, always more than you give..
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
Selling your soul?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:35:36 PM
As the years flee by my eyes, i have learned to appreciate those people that try to have a positive impact on others.. I can see in my own friends, family and acquaintances examples of the differences in the accumulation of selfless vs selfish deeds.. i am not a religious person so the usual definitions of an individual's soul tends to find little traction..but i do refer to the sum total of their being as a soul..
just me being me

with that in mind ..selling a lifetime of trying to have a positive impact would seem to be difficult.. who would buy that attitude without living it?
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
Is posting a reply in a forum thread even worth the effort?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:01:16 PM
Inspiration to act is the most significant catalyst .. If a thought tossed toward your eyes triggers both an additional connection and the energy needed to reply .. then please share..we will all benefit.. I 'll gladly accept humor, sarcasm, thinly disguised negativity of every flavor as well as the obviously preferable positive triggerring gift from the gods that exemplifies the offerings of so many posters
anything that doesnt dull the senses and lower the IQ...

Now make me proud to be a part of it
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
Is Brutally Honest Honest or Just Brutal?
Posted: 5/6/2009 12:27:17 PM
I realize that people are opening themselves to a degree when asking a question about anything that contains a degree of personal vulnerability.
In dealing with strangers its easy to be kind and keep the required distance by sticking to preprogrammed rote answers if thats all you are inspired to do. Its a bit tougher when any previous history is involved..thats when judgement gains a voice.. whether or not that voice becomes audible depends on factors too varied to detail.. but the outcome , whether or not judgement does drive your response, says more about you than anything you actually say.
Those close to us depend on fair and reasonable feedback.. if we choose to forget our responsibilites in a relationship and blurt out our first impression..or use the opportunity to retaliate for whatever stick is currently ruling our rectum..then we can always claim to be brutally honest..while nursing whatever black eye we have earned..

Tact is experience based self control.. the best policy for me has always been truth or silence...I have more trouble restraining laughter than I do composing i tend to focus on that.. as far as how you look in that dress.. as long as you look at me longingly when clothing isnt a concern..then you are worth the time to listen to what you are really asking and respond in a way that fulfills us both.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 141 (view)
why do men always have to look at other women!!
Posted: 4/29/2009 7:24:53 PM
I can't speak for anyone but me.. I have predator vision as most humans do..anything that moves draws my attention..its saved my life several times.. once i have defined whatever approaches i look away but im not going to stare right in front of me just because some one's ego can't handle it if i look away, then back..
That being said scoping out just the women is rude and i understand the objection to that any sane person might have..
I will look at what is moving towards me and look away once I get the picture.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
What is Owed?
Posted: 4/29/2009 3:49:40 AM
without a sense of history its easy to get lost in fairy tale stories involving a constantly mutating fantasy starring yourself.. a common carryover is a blurred sense of what is a right and what is an opportunity.. Medical care isnt a right..its a service that needs to be paid isnt a right..a safe place to live isnt a ,clean air , water...all of these things are part of a cooperative effort .. but none are rights..we have to earn them..all we can reasonably hope to sustain is an opportunity for any of us to gain what we need and are willing to work for. Improving your quality of life is the best reward for working harder and smarter. the surplus created by hard work is reasonably shared with those physically unable to competetively function

but lets all be the broadest division of members of our species..there are those willing to work for what they get and those wanting a free ride...
Thats why a good work ethic has to be both taught to our children and the example set by their parents.. nothing is free ..except starvation and a premature death.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 142 (view)
collecting thoughts
Posted: 4/29/2009 2:59:21 AM
Living Unaware

a conga line of taking ..snakes behind you
singing to a tune .. those notes you hear
salty hands to stroke the wounds of others
healing hope denied to those that fear
nothing fills the void of your departure
like relief we feel to finally see you go
the mirror shows your beauty on the surface
your actions, the disease you are below
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
I have never been called delusional for my philosophy or weltanschauung. You?
Posted: 4/27/2009 7:32:24 PM
A belief system is the prop we use to hold down that corner of our world that the "luck of chance" ,good or bad, keeps breaking loose and letting in the cold wind of change.

The chicken -egg nature of religion , the problem - current best solution nature of whatever degree of atheism you can generate and sustain, ends up driving way to many decisions outside of the philosophical realm.. then again our reasons for doing things are so often flavored with self interest and stubborn self justification that the question of "who might have been the original cook" is just more one way to blur current business.
Whatever you need to stay capable of functioning has to have a mechanism for generating energy to continue to build and maintain your activity loops. Its easy to question why we are capable of gestaltic activities in groups and alone but much harder to incorporate that "chance corner "of our tent into a black and white, static vision of a larger reality.. Could we have been made the way we are or just experiencing mindless complexities while exploring by exercising the physical constructs of our many billion plus cell vehicle.. I can't say for you but for me..

I plan live in a way that looking forward and backward.. I can enjoy the ride...
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 421 (view)
Rainbow Crowned Maelstrom
Posted: 4/21/2009 4:42:27 AM
if only what we want mattered more
would we grow into the chance
to see it become real
or with glazed eyes ,pretend

do we choose what we want
or get tapped on the shoulder
by whatever needs us
falling into a hole happens

chasing a tail isnt as pathetic
as knowing its attached
still the circle becomes smaller
the faster you run

familiar trails hold little danger
deeper ruts without surprise
only when we stop to think
do we stumble

maybe thats the reason
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
Stephan Hawkings Theory of Everything
Posted: 4/21/2009 4:29:33 AM
overpopulation by any one species isnt a matter of choice..its a matter of opportunity
instead of wringing hands over what species is no longer on top of whatever set of temporary ecological conditions..maybe the energy would be put to better use in helping to get us off this mudball .... if you see life as a pyramidical ,ever more complex attempt to spread, than stop whining and apply your mind toward growing outward... or just pretend that you have the blueprint for some Garden of Eden that involves you and those like you somehow being part of one big happy Lion King of a movie... good luck on that little fantasy
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
What is most important to talk or think about?
Posted: 4/18/2009 8:44:24 AM
whatever needs doing within your reach to do....

Change on any scale is proportional to the size of the object being moved.
I know a good lever..are you the fulcrum?

focus has to be developed to the degree needed to do..unfortunately it makes us all a bit crazy as we obsess enough to succeed... and all the one issue wonders...
a symphony indeed
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
Torture: A specious argument?
Posted: 4/18/2009 2:10:52 AM
its all about context..a cop smashing his foot down on a suspects hand seeking information about your missing child is a lot more likely to seem reasonable than if its your hand under the boot...
Objections to codifying interrogation techniques that include using pain to extract information seem reasonable... thats an extreme that should remain illegal least from this distance.. if it was my responsibility to process individuals that might have foreknowledge of terrorist activities I could see losing sight of lines and limits only if i was unable to trust the data gained by normal techniques .. and i allowed the real visuals of post attack misery to overwhelm me..
Perhaps the entire process deforms those involved.. it isnt a job that would attract the non violent and perhaps the leap from mental to physical methods occurs from frustration ..regardless its easier to understand than defend..
unless its your kid
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 132 (view)
collecting thoughts
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:23:32 AM
chaos never knew the reason or cared
that first dam against the flow
is best born of feeling
for someone other than yourself

else eroded by the lack of sharing
nothing lasts
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 419 (view)
Rainbow Crowned Maelstrom
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:19:10 AM
what we give of what we are opens doors in those we touch
sometimes we continue, sometimes we flee
do we understand what moves our feet?
no more than we understand anything else

share with whom you will but
realize..its your choice, your risk, your heart
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 540 (view)
Cathartic Expression of Authentic Self
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:26:13 PM
does mastering fear mean more than admitting
that you still lie about fearing what might lie in wait
behind the hands of the clock you pretend to ignore
moving in lockstep to every tick in a stumbling gait

think of all the wine you didn't have to drink but did
hoping for more of the laughter that happens more
in conversation about the moment like sighting from
a ship that sailed so long ago no one remembers the shore

it doesn't have to hurt to be real but still we seek the scar
knowing what we do to ourselves first is called control
must be why sharp objects never make good toys
for those lost in the languid lassitude of an aimless soul
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 539 (view)
Cathartic Expression of Authentic Self
Posted: 4/13/2009 7:39:42 PM
most of all i miss the ground-
- down feeling that the reason for commiting has been lost
we must have mattered long enough to want more..once
training touch to feel it was right
Being alone gives you no way out, no one to blame or leave
any throne you take stands above the deeper quiet
clearly you hear those voices well know who they are
gods or demons wrestling in the night
the ones you listened to once ,that cling to the crevices and speak
born of elemental energy ..immortality matching yours
deeper than you are now, but not as far down as you have been
thats where you left them, blind to change - deaf to sight

you make your own voices..
have you heard enough to listen?
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 538 (view)
Cathartic Expression of Authentic Self
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:50:11 PM
once the ego has been sent packing and the small signs of life squashed
suddenly we face the one we cannot escape , what is most real is revealed
thats when the face we show is unlined by uncertainty, past truth torment
as pure and fine as spirit can be , muse without mystery.. just you or me

fine work hummingbird
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1687 (view)
map from memory
Posted: 4/9/2009 4:57:32 AM
more than any moment
minds can mutate into memories
more than everything you know
runs false and true.
part-planned path paved in knowing,
more to touch than hands can hold
patterns practiced then broken,
real can only be from what we do.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1483 (view)
the war you cannot win
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:39:02 PM
does the dulling of the mind age brings
seem cruel to anyone too young to have ever noticed
the joke is less funny when you feel it

what moves us to move beyond hopelessness
to find a peace of balance to sustain
upon shaky legs and marbled arms
the illusion that the end will never come

history is more than the cries of the dead
its the living that still have a chance
words saved from dying still linger
reminders to us all to matter

at least once
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 859 (view)
I don't care what you write......
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:25:44 PM
do we need to lose ourself before becoming who we are
ego strangled into silence by willing hands
like so many holes in unfamiliar ground
which to choose, if they all end up here
wondering again
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
My Friend, Girlfriend was borne with a Mr. Winkler!
Posted: 4/3/2009 2:54:48 AM
how much we conform to a statistical norm at birth is an accident we cannot control.Much like who fathered or mothered us.. all we can do is adjust to the roll of the dice..
While i might suspect this particular story has been presented to us in a different form than it actually occured ( how unusual), all of the usual issues are stimulated and the usual suspects go after their enemies with tooth , claw and flying prepositions..

the tragedy of having to overcome a defect is real.. how people handle the stigma of not being perfect does vary with the degree of societal negativity toward the particular problem.. before the pro and anti trusters ruin yet another thread.. is it possible to simply put yourself in the position of having to recover from such an extreme problem , one that was addressed before your own choices were asked for or considered and understand that your degree of personal responsibility for the entire situation might lead to a desire to never mention it?.. I hope whatever truth lies in this thread somehow ends in the person that has had no choice in having to live with this.. getting some understanding from everyone.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
Fed up ...
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:20:57 AM
Am i the only one that reads some of these threads and wonders if the OP is consciously trying to manipulate by playing "opposites" ( you know ..I can't , I won't , I wouldn't , I shouldn't..but maybe Im fishing for someone interested in changing my mind) or perhaps the Op is being sincere and and thinks a "Kick Me" sign is too subtle.

Either way, usually its a comment made by not commenting but i guess I am not immune to reaching thru the bars and sharing something.....
now the only mystery is which side of the bars.. we are on
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce?
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:49:29 AM
I don't believe i am alone in at least once asking myself if I am the father of my children. That isnt insecurity, its the reality of seeing deception and deceit poisoning the atmosphere from the selfishness we all battle needing only one act to succeed in altering our lives. Men that do not respect the sanctity of marriage are even more suspicious when the child involved is their own, at least legally.
Granted a woman's lack of wondering is the source of so much of the feelings that move so many to respond to this thread in such a self righteous manner. Those things i don't have to question about myself certainly inspire a more strident ,more confident, more determined response when someone does challenge...

What happens when the science of reproduction advances to the point where a woman can have a fertilized ova implanted without her waking knowledge?
Lets revisit this question again and see how these very same people..sing a different tune

To claim that our reactions are not gender based in many instances is naive
The question exists more for men because biologically it has only been valid for men,
our question..our decision to choose to believe.. Ladies, you are playing on our side of the fence.. your demands for trust pale next to our lack of choice in having to..
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
Self-Fulfilling Outcomes
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:47:41 PM
So much of what is written here seems to share a similar inspiration with whatever causes people to poke a wild animal with a stick just to see what happens next. While it might be personally satisfying to build a discussion around your own situation , those responders that find only fault in every scenario will feast on your inadequacies real and imagined. Whether that qualifies as a mis-perceived aspect of your being is difficult to define within the two dimensional limitations of a forum .. Im still trying to grasp if your intention was to get people to read your profile or if you honestly were seeking a discussion..perhaps you succeeded in doing both.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
*Sigh*… my hero / what the hell was he thinking?
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:39:34 PM
While i am glad that some have never experienced having to defend your person, those of us that grew up in places where conflict is endemic have to develop a workable system of behaviours that include both verbal and physical responses

To me, dating someone means that a degree of responsibility exists for that person's well being. I react accordingly..physical threat eliciting a physical response
Since I tend to respond to physical attack by losing every inhibition against doing permanent damage to others , i have to wait for a definitive action to occur ..that pattern keeps me out of court and with a clean arrest record.
Though admittedly my hands are somewhat bent in places

I take no pleasure in physical confrontations.. the residue from severe adrenal reaction does not bring enough endorphins to last thru the healing process.
There are times when jump shifting responses is the only way to alter circumstances in your favor..especially when the numbers are against you.
That isnt alpha male..thats self preservation built on experience.
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1476 (view)
Hope of Her Love
Posted: 3/27/2009 9:02:04 PM
alas my friend, there is no cure for hope
the day brings with it a chance for more
we spend time wasting choices til it seems
safe to swear only one is left, Loki laughs
as the dawn makes liars of us all

why else would just asking ourself "why"
fill our plate? the curse of curiousity
science of sacrifice ,will of willingness
painting bruises on our spirits
masticating madness while we fall


Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 112 (view)
cookie jar:
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:57:33 PM
illumination more than light , nourishment over food
to leap from act to justify, the path from shall to should
understanding shows the blocks we stack , a way to build a dream
to see the larger in the small , racing rivers from a stream
back and forth a gaze will go expanding to a view
but i never saw it all til i found you
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1853 (view)
~ In 6 Lines or Less ~
Posted: 3/25/2009 10:44:19 PM
metaphors metastisize, inner eye is blinded
mangling every memory before we are reminded
dialog of desperation, whispered in our ear
voices voting to retreat, faster toward the rear
once began it never ends, since proud to pitiful is the lie
that nothing will be as sweet as the silence past goodbye
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 110 (view)
cookie jar:
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:42:41 PM
forming a fate while crafting a life
an accident to most
bouncing from the barriers
parasite without a host

we need the sound of other's pain
to know we aren't alone
we cut ourselves to gain control
still living lives that others own

you get the chance to make your mark
upon some wall somewhere
waste it chasing fun and highs
til nothing matters and no one cares
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 416 (view)
Rainbow Crowned Maelstrom
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:24:34 PM
it isnt paranoid to know that once you rise a little above
become obvious to the usually oblivious
suddenly you make that blip on radar watched by those
allergic to growth that doesnt include dogma
fungus on a mold , decay upon a corpse
dead from the neck up and the waist down
spinal twitches for spineless reasons
they knock on your door
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1684 (view)
Abstract Rhythms
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:16:29 PM
offering nothing still means you have to notice
just how little you were moved to give
isn't the attention worth the knowing
shrinking stakes til losing lets you live

I could open one eye long enough
to make it even money i have lied
when i said i can't see how we could ever be
more than just enough to say we tried

memories shuffle truths til decks aren't deadly
to the story of ourself that we believe
less than all we can will only end
in a race to see who is the first to leave
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 1473 (view)
free write with reason
Posted: 3/24/2009 9:03:31 PM
God has never spoken to me , he knows i can read
words on paper give you time to roll them around
til you taste the meaning
from out of our heads pop so many bizarre beauties
ideation divine to suicidal , finding hats for heads we lost
gestalt never survives reverse engineering

maybe thats where we lost God
when we looked back ..once too often
a collision of particles .. too small to survive alone
too fast to see
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
Did use of psychadelic drugs spark long-term benefits to your mind, thinking and logic?
Posted: 3/24/2009 1:43:41 AM
As previously noted , for those lacking in experience your input in this area cannot fail to be contaminated by the decision to abstain and continue to do so. I think knowing in advance that you have a negative attitude toward something as powerful as psychedelics makes it absolutely right that you refrain from ever swallowing or inhaling anything that has the power to bypass your consciousness. Good decision.
i was a musician in the late 60's so I ate enough LSD to blow open every door and window in my head. I sampled and swallowed mushrooms , peyote buttons and many forms of mescaline.. synthetic combinations like MDA that predated Ecstasy and melted the pants off everyone lucky enough to benefit from a careful chemist..
I never had a bad trip..ever.. would i recommend it to anyone? Nope its illegal and dangerous due not to just the vagaries of the chemistry but to how the rules can ruin anyone that disregards them.
Personally I faced every demon my upbringing left in my noggin and dismantled every dragon in my psyche.. I was left able to laugh at my own demise and feel comfortable with damn near anything without losing sight of honest self respect and an awareness of the rights and reality of others. I gained insight into every religion i had previously studied and brought back from my journeys tools to use that i still employ today. I write and read and listen and learn so yes i feel blessed to know what controlling my own random noise filters can do for my problem solving contributions and my own self awareness. Would i have been able to learn and successfully employ Zen awareness and Tantric physical control without psychedelics?
Hard to say can't unring a bell..
Certainly i believe i gained from the experiences .. but we may all come to the same crossroads and not have the same choice... who you are means everything

to you
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