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 Author Thread: Too picky = Too dangerous?
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
Too picky = Too dangerous?
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:24:35 AM

If 'we' were to pretend she's ugly when we're on a first date and the more we withdraw, the more she'll chase? (use of reverse psychology)

Do you really need more chasing?
There is more than one type of person in this world. What kind of person do you think you would get with that dating technique?
In other words... what else do you think is wrong with someone who wastes their time on people who treat them badly or think they are ugly?

Is there a way to date a woman and help her feel good about herself without having to kiss her butt and constantly reinforce her with positive feedback?

I think everyone is going to share insecurities with their significant other.
Even the most confident will show a few chinks in their armour as you get to know them.
The average person enjoys sincere ego stroking here and there.... and if you're attracted to them, they deserve to hear the compliments you are thinking said out loud.

If they're blabbing how fat they are on a first date or they can never say thank you to a compliment.... you might just want to move on to the next person. Or maybe have a serious talk with them.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
Economically what have you done??
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:06:01 AM
I bought a lottery ticket.

I swear I'll do lots of shopping when I win.
And hire people to do stuff for me.

Now if I can just win more than $2 at a time.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
Profile Views
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:00:48 AM

I was wondering if women ever look at a guys profile hoping that he'll see that she's viewed him and hope he'll send the first email?

Hehehe. I have that option turned off on purpose.
I don't know if someone is anywhere near being right for me until I've read their profile.
Plus my friends are always linking me to people THEY find interesting.

I figure if guys out there are interested in girls like me... they know how to use the search engine.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:57:17 AM
When I'm messaged, I don't just look at what they've sent me.
I go first to the profile to see what they say they are all about... and of course see what they look like.
If I don't like their profile, they won't get a reply.

If their profile is intriguing, then I pay more attention to the message.

If they just say a quick hi or send an icon... they might get a hi back in the hopes they have more to say next time. It's not really impressive but it's a start.

Having interesting questions that show they read my profile is flattering but insisting that we would get along awesome right off the bat is assuming too much too soon.

The best email I got involved the following things:
- came from someone who had same interests as me listed in his profile
- was short but sweet and friendly
- said that they found my profile interesting and if I felt the same way about theirs we could meet somewhere fun to see if there was any in person chemistry

It came across as being confident and interested but not pushy.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
So I'm not going for the traditional approach
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:22:53 AM
Here's the main problem as I see it....

There are a lot of people out there who probably agree with your views on life.
I mean, who is gonna tell you that you shouldn't be kind to people??

That doesn't mean that people who agree with the stuff in your profile are going to like the same kinds of movies/music/food/activities you like. You might even hate each other.

I would say pick 2 -3 of your favourite values to keep in the profile and try talk about your lifestyle a bit more. I know you can find a way to describe your everyday life and interests in a way that isn't cooki-cutter ish.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
Creative ways
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:59:55 PM
I would hate to have kids with someone I was just settling for.

Cause hey.... not only are you stuck with one person you think is just ok.... you're stuck with their kids! And chances are great that the kids will take on irritating immature versions of the personality traits of the person you are settled for.

I'd rather have a cat!!
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:41:22 PM
My personal rule for relationships and phone calls is this...

If I'm always wondering if and when the guy will call/email etc... then the relationship will probably stay a friendly fling at best.

If things have a chance at getting serious, I NEVER worry about if they are going to call.
Cause they call! Sometimes more than once in a day. hah!

And this is old fashioned... but when I meet people in person, I wait for them to ask me for my number. If they care about asking for it-- chances are they're gonna be more likely to use it.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:31:23 PM
I could understand being excluded from family stuff... especially if the ex still attends for the first year.

I would be mad if I hadn't been invited to meet friends sometime in the first year.
After the second year, I would expect to be invited to family events.

No one needs to feel like a dirty little secret.

She should be thinking more about how what this guy is doing is making her feel.
And then either quit whining or go find a happier situation.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
First Meeting Place
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:25:22 PM
Don't forget.... even if you meet in a public place, make sure it's one that's not in your neighborhood.
As easy as it is for you to meet at the pub on the corner, the real creeps can and will follow you.

I think that even if nothing bad happens if you give in and meet them at your house or their house... chances are you're gonna be bossed around a lot more.
Not smart to start of a relationship where someone doesn't care what you want.

I've talked to my awesome guy friends about this. I asked them to promise to only meet girls in public places.
Not so much for the safety of my guy friends... but so that the girls don't get in the habit of meeting people at their houses.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
boring people
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:38:19 PM
Tickettoride..... that's great that you are willing to weed out those sorts of people.

I am curious... how do you determine whether or not the person accused of being a jerk is really a jerk and the person telling on them isn't lying?

Do you wait for more than one person to complain or ask the accused what happened or what?
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
Teen Clothing Store and Butt Magazine
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:34:53 PM
did anyone from the store even put it there?

sounds like a practical joke perpetrated by people who think they are hilarious.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
Your Song / Day of your Debut
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:34:19 PM
Good grief.

"Love Theme from 'A Star Is Born' (Evergreen)" by Barbra Streisand

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
boring people
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:30:07 PM

How did you end up in that situation??
Why weren't you with your own car or near a bus stop etc???
Two miles from town?
Oh honey, you might need to brush up on your internet dating safety rules!!!

I agree that people should msn a bit first before meeting up to see if there is intellectual chemistry. Personally, I think meeting within a week or two is ideal.
If you chat too long, you risk being stuck in msn buddies forever territory.
Also.... it's too easy to get attached to the idea of what you think the person is like instead of being aware of who they really are.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
We Just Can't Let Go...
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:51:31 PM
I suggest these things.

Have big long talks about where each of you sees yourself in the future.
I'm talking long term. What kind of work you want to have. What type of place you want. Money issues. Et cetera.
Kids? Pets? How to treat them?

Really be honest with yourself and take time to think about whether or not your future would match up.
Don't fall in love with the fantasy of what might be--- really think about what you want.
Don't be scared that they're the only one out there for you--- there are other people out there and sometimes you get caught up obsessing about past relationships cause there is no one new to think about.

Then if you guys see yourself together, you gotta be brave and move.
Well someone does.

If you don't see yourself together in the future for whatever reason.... then you gotta be brave and end it as best you can. Serious talks about why it won't work are good. Taking time to say goodbye is good.

Chemistry and love are sometimes the last things to go when a relationship ends but those are the things that might make you restart something that shouldn't be restarted.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
Is It Bad For A Man To Need A Woman ?
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:57:30 PM
It's semantics.
Using the word "need" sounds too Needy. Go figure.

Say you're looking for some great company instead.
Say it's more fun to do certain things when there are two people involved...
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
first date no no's and yes yes
Posted: 1/14/2009 1:15:54 AM
no nos
- expecting me to break standard safety rules cause it's you
- dinners that cost a week's wages
- movie
- smoking
- treating me like your therapist

yes yeses
- double date
- people watching
- drinking
- eating
- checking out more than one spot to hang out
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 66 (view)
I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 12:54:35 AM
I'm always suspicious of people who date "crazy" people.
More often than not, they're lying to cover their tracks.

And now he's making you feel guilty for reading a post card??
Especially after he shows you the other ones?


You should revisit the feelings you had when you first thought breaking up was a good idea.

Chemistry is often the last thing to go when a relationship ends and it makes people do silly things like get back together when they shouldn't.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
Does something in my profile say: PYSCHO STOP HERE?
Posted: 1/13/2009 1:59:25 AM
Dating sites are breeding grounds for the socially awkward... to put it lightly.

Everyone is messaged by weirdos on here.
Even weirdos are messaged by other weirdos.

Just be very happy that they showed their true colours (bossy in this case) in emails before you met them and they were rude or weird in person.

Use your delete and block buttons as necessary and you'll do fine.
In the future, maybe you'll even be able to pick these people out by reading their profile and you won't even get to the email stage AND you'll have time for the better guys.

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 63 (view)
Plentyoffish Relationship Assessment.
Posted: 7/22/2007 3:57:40 PM
So.... are you guys gonna work on this some more so we allowed to re-take the test?

Just wondering.

That's all I wanted to know.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
Plentyoffish Relationship Assessment.
Posted: 7/9/2007 10:30:39 AM
I would really like to have the option to re-take the test.

Sometimes you choose a wrong answer.

Sometimes you choose something where you are RIGHT on the fence and are curious what it would be like if you picked something on the other side of the fence.

Sometimes you want to goof around and pick the exact opposite of what you are.

Sometimes you change your mind.

POF ... please consider allowing for people to retake their tests.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
Posted: 5/22/2007 2:49:15 PM
I thought that was the case.

I want the option to not be notified every month.

I'm sure other people want the option too.

And here I will talk some more and more because my message is too short.
Even though I've already said everything I need to say about email notices.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Unsubscribe from POF eMails
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:53:02 AM
How can I stop receiving the monthly emails from PlentyofFish about where the site is, how many people are using it, bla bla bla and a whole bunch of other stuff I don't need to know or already know cause they send the dang email EVERY MONTH.

I don't want them anymore.
I use the site enough to not need to be reminded to use the site.

If you need to delete your account, click the HELP link at the top of your screen and follow the directions or read the following FAQ: How To Delete Your / My Account and proceed to delete yourself. There is no staff to fill such requests.

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
first contact suggestions. [Closed Thread]
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:47:18 PM
I would like to block people who do not have any pictures from contacting me.

I have a policy of not replying to people who do not have pictures and I know others who don't talk to people who don't have pictures.
Might be nice to have this option. And now I will ramble a little more to get the 200 count.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
PICS: Headshots - Recognition & Reporting
Posted: 5/5/2007 5:11:41 PM
Does it count if there is a face area but is seriously blurry, really small, and or has sunglasses which make it near to impossible to recognize someone? Should these people be reported to? Or not.
Cause to me some blurry pics are as usless as a 20 year old pic or a pic of a celebrity.

For How to Upload your pictures or issues with the upload please use the following thread only:

Click Here FAQ Picture Uploading How to and Issues

Thank You

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 73 (view)
New Feature for Women.
Posted: 4/28/2007 8:17:48 AM
I think that this is really a great idea.

It's not about trashing guys to me... it is about helping your friends avoid people who won't treat someone well.

I personally would say "don't date" about guys who showed up stoned, did unwanted groping, and cried about their ex girlfriend on the date-- not someone who was nervous and stuttered or who liked sports instead of antique shopping.

And hey.... because only women on your favourites list can see the comment.... they can ask you why you said that and then use their own judgement.

I totally disagree with drg1301 and wafta.
I hope that guys have this option for women too!
There ARE nut bar women out there and men deserve to not be stalked!!!
Hell, my favourite man friend almost got run over by someone once.

And I don't think that it's slagging necessarily.... and maybe if it is they deserve it.

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:48:53 PM
I think that the right sort of people would respect you for changing your life for the better.

Keep working hard, enjoy your life, take care of you...

Everyone has a bad ex... anyone who would expect something different from you is probably in la la land and not worth the bother.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
Should you tell ? if asked if u slept with someone.....
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:44:22 PM
I would tell the truth but spare as many details as possible.
I wouldn't do anything I'd be ashamed of like bang their best friend or cousin...

I would like to think that the person I was 'on a break with' would be mature enough to realize that I like 'dating' and I'm not going to stop my life cause they aren't in it.
A little jealousy is normal but the third degree etc.. would seriously make me rethink getting back together with them.

I don't think that this is something that would damage a relationship unless you continued to make contact with them. It might even be good to know whether they were sleeping with other people in case you need to avoid certain places or situations. Or you know... just make a date to go get std tests done.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
What does it mean when.......
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:22:04 PM
Oh just message the person whe viewed you.

Whether or not they reply to the message you send them is what really matters.

and I must keep typing cause even though I said everything that needed to be message was too short.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
The excuses
Posted: 2/9/2007 8:30:50 AM
Sometimes you just gotta read between the lines and do a bit of translating.

And when someone has to break up with you... don't ask why (for short term stuff).
Just let them go.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/6/2007 10:27:53 PM
Add to that saying yes for a free dinner, tickets to a fun show, weekend away, etc. & you'll have the beginning of a clue as to how it is to be a guy.

I completely agree with you.
That is why for the first few dates (unless the girl says up front she will pay for her half) you should go for coffee, lunch, free stuff... and mainly talk.

Don't feel too bad about paying for your date if that is something you like to do.
I mean girls are wasting tons of money on makeup, shaving cream, new clothes to look good for the guys.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
Posted: 2/6/2007 10:23:24 PM
Well, its wise to be careful, but the extreme you are taking it to in the original post is just plain wacky.

I don't understand.

It's wacky to not get in a car with a total stranger?
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
child abuse
Posted: 2/5/2007 6:34:42 PM
The fact that there are pedophiles out ther strikes me as a great reason to NEVER put your kids' pics in a dating profile or introduce them to your kids if you have known them less than a year.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:31:39 AM
It's more difficult if you are a big baby.


Seriously, I'm old school. I think the guys should do the pursuing.
I used to do the pursuing but I found myself in countless situations where the guy was just giving it a try cause he was flattered.... not cause he REALLY liked me.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
Pay Attention To The DONT SEND MONEY Statement
Posted: 2/5/2007 9:59:26 AM
People have friends and family and often co-workers.

If they don't.... then they don't deserve YOUR help.

People who use strangers use them because the people who know them won't put up with their loserish crap anymore.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
Has this happened to any one else....
Posted: 2/5/2007 9:56:07 AM
Haha thank god is was for drinks and not dinner

I dunno if it's just me but it doesn't seem like a big deal to have to convince somone you're not interested. You just tell them thanks but no thanks in so many words and then proceed to block them. What was so difficult about your situation?

How did you make yourself sound undesireable?

It must have been something really bad!


Maybe don't do that in the future.... what if you meet an acquaintance of theirs and you get along great with them.... but then they get told what a weirdo you are? haha
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:30:04 AM
If you take good care of your child and they are happy, not having a father won't be that big of a deal.

If it's all they know then they won't miss not having a dad.

It's different than if the dad was there for the early years and then just took off.

If you want a father for your kid that badly then maybe you should think about an open adoption.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
What's up with the attitude?
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:23:50 AM
Ive had guys get mad at me for not wanting to meet them half way in another city or come to my house or chat on yahoo or something on the first time ever talking to them. I tried to explain its not safe and they dont want to hear it and disapear feeling rejected.

Some people are just big babies and expect everyone to put them on a pedestle and trust them completely from the moment they say hello because they are just so wonderful that anyone with a brain will be able to tell that they are the most awesome person on the planet.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:20:06 AM
I'm sorry for laughing at that story too.

It's so horrible it's hilarious.

I mean a normal person would ASK before getting naked or at least kiss you or something before trying to have sex. Plain vanilla sex.
And if they did like the kinky stuff they would probably have a conversation or two and date for awhile in order to find out how far you'd want to go.

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
Sex, online dating, and honesty can it be used in the same sentence?
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:24:32 PM
Oh man... some people just lie so you feel sorry for them.

I remember I was on a streak where every guy I met said that he hadn't had sex in 3 months.

I started to wonder why all the boys I met had such bad luck.

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
Advice from really tall men
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:03:40 PM
I don't think that there's anything you can do to avoid this situation in the future other that go around blocking every guy over a certain height before they have a chance to chat with you.

If something is a complete deal breaker... go ahead and post it in your profile.
Everyone likes something different.

If it was me in your situation, I would have just deleted his message as soon as I knew I wasn't interested. It's demoralizing to tell people what you don't like about them.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 87 (view)
Baffling bed buddy
Posted: 2/4/2007 7:59:10 PM
I'm actually friends with my friends with benefits.

My rule is that I have to be able to enjoy a meal with you if it's going to go anywhere sexually.

I treat my buddies like a bf.... except when someone else they are seeing is in the room.
The only thing is that we are well aware that we are seeing other people.

I don't think about the relationships growing into something more.
If they want it to change, they can bring up 'the talk'.
I'm done bringing up the talk and all the wishful thinking that goes along with hoping that having sex will turn them into a bf. I'm all about enjoying the present for exactly what it is.

As for the sex... it's pretty friendly. No I love yous etc... but no disrespect either.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
What's up with the attitude?
Posted: 2/4/2007 7:53:28 PM
Yeah it's kind of weird.
People complain about no one responding to their emails....

But if you WANT people to respond to your emails you should expect that not everyone will respond exactly how you imagined in your little fantasies.

Of course this common sense doesn't really apply in the internet world.

I won't reply if I'm not interested. End of story.

AND I will remove myself off of people's Favourites list so they get a bit of a hint.... or at the very least I am not in a convenient list for when they want to send their mass emails with the hi wanna chat message and little else.
I have 10 people on my list and 7 of them I met before I came on this site.

I block on lavalife so people don't waste their credits on me.

Here I only block if they really are a pest.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 48 (view)
FAQ - Message Posts / Replies too short /Text limits?
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:43:47 PM
I think it is annoying also.
At least 5 times a day I have this happen.

Oh shoot.... I've been using periods to pad my threads.

I'm going to complain here for a second... I hope that the site can handle it.

There are so many nit picky rules on this site that it sometimes makes it a bit less fun than it could be.
I think it's unrealistic to expect the average poster to have the forum rules memorized.... let alone read them.
Reading about rules is boring.
I want to get to the posting.

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:23:39 PM
Yeah... one time I took a self defense class.

I tried to practice on my guy friends but the things I learned in class did NOTHING WHATSOEVER. They'd be standing there saying.... ok so when are you going to start trying your move? as I was sweating and trying to manipulate them.

Response to post later on in this thread about using word idiot.
POF won't let me be 2 out of the last 10 posts in a thread for whatever reason.

a. she was being an idiot in this particular instance

b. sometimes fun posting involves using racier words to make people click on your thread

c. don't throw the baby out with the bathwater
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:19:00 PM
I think that you should work on yourself so that you can be father and mother for the child.

Look for help definitely.... but expecting a romantic interest to jump right in to be a daddy is unrealistic. Talk to friends and family and support groups if you need help. This is not what dating is for.

I personally believe that parents who are dating should wait a very very long time before introducing the children to strangers.... LET ALONE help raise them.

I also think that you should think more about criticism.
Take it with a grain of salt and learn from it if possible.
Don't just freak out and be hurt.
Putting your head in the sand is no way to live life.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
FILTER: Opening Post Length
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:14:07 PM
having a restriction on length of posts forces people to blather on unneccessarily

sometimes brevity makes things more clear

sometimes it only takes one sentence to answer a question

see -- I've said everything I want to say and I still have to keep typing typing typing to fill up the space

this is not facilitating my enjoyment of the site

If you agree with me... post here.

Forums: Limit of No More than 2 Posts in last 10 Posts

adequately discussed here --> FAQ - Message Posts / Replies too short / Text limits


Trappedonbayst - Closed
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:06:47 PM

I had a conversation with a guy friend about this.

I asked him to please consider not offering rides for first dates.
And if someone asked him for one to tell her nicely that she should not get in habit of being unsafe.

And whoever voted to delete for bashing/insulting other posters is being ridiculous.
This thread is just a safety lecture. So sorry if you don't like the word weirdo.
I didn't name any names and I didn't reveal any special details about who the person was... where they were going on the date etc.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
Would You Evah...
Posted: 2/4/2007 1:53:52 PM
I used to have a user name that made it easy for one weirdo to guess what my msn was.

They got a short lecture and blocked asap.

And my name got changed.
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
The God Effect - Scary Date.........
Posted: 2/4/2007 1:51:57 PM
Why didn't you just tell her you had to go?

Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Posted: 2/4/2007 1:50:36 PM
Some people are idiots when it comes to dating strangers.

I used to think that it went without saying that if you meet someone off of the internet that you do not ride in a car with them and you do not meet them at your house.

But today I was talking with a girl who said that she was going on some blind date and the guy was picking her up.
I said...whoa don't let a STRANGER know where you live...
And dumb girl said... ooh I'm not meeting him at my house, he'd picking me up in a well lit area.

SCREW WELL LIT AREAS!!! Once you get into the car with a weirdo .... you will be weirded out at the very least and hurt badly at the very most.

I tried to tactfully tell her that telling people to not pick you up was a good litmus test to see if they were a weirdo or not. SO she says.... ooooh I can handle myself if he is a weirdo.

Ok fine. A lot of girls can handle themselves with weirdos. Weirdos in bars you can walk away from or complain to bouncer about.

But once you are in their car.... YOU ARE IN THEIR CAR. One punch to the head and it's all over. Have you even SEEN people hit those punching bags in bars? Imagine if they hit your face! I know it would make me pass out. And that's just punching... nothing to do with guns, knives, drugs etc....

Being scared is the best way to keep yourself safe.

Her silly bravado is just the sort of thing that really bad people will take advantage of.

At the very least .... telling someone that you will arrange your own transportation is a great way to see what type of person they are.

If they are cool they will just say ok.

Whiners and weirdos will say dumb crap about you not trusting them. Well duh.... why trust someone you don't know. The chick is not a mind reader. At the very least they are an illogical loser.

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