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 Author Thread: Does sarcasm have its limits?
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Does sarcasm have its limits?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:46:27 PM
i agree with what's been said about sarcasm being negative and insulting. i have sarcastic moments here and there, but it's usually with people who know me well enough to know that i don't mean any harm by it. just flat out sarcasm all the time usually comes off as you being mean and needing to cut others down for a laugh, and that's a huge turn off.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Almost 50,salt and pepper hair, wrinkles.Passed my best!
Posted: 2/1/2012 12:30:29 AM
Personally, I'd never want to be with someone who took such measures to fight aging. Changing diet and exercising, well we all could benefit from that. But those who dye their hair or get botox, I see them as being either entirely too superficial, too shallow, and I worry that they'd expect me to do the same thing.

Honestly, we respond the same thing to big girls or short guys... you can only do so much to your body. Be healthy and comfortable in your own skin, and that's all that matters. We all grey, we all get wrinkles. Its life.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
A Fetish Question That Needs a Lady's Clarification
Posted: 2/1/2012 12:04:05 AM
I've actually been through something similar with an ex. His fetish was simpler, but it still hurt a little to know that to hit that level of excitement from him, I had to wear what he wanted. He too wanted me without it, but with it he couldn't keep his hands off me. I enjoyed wearing what he wanted too, but it's not something I would generally prefer to do. And that's where the difference was really.

You need to find someone who shares the fetish. If she gets as much out of wearing latex as you do, these arguments will never happen. There are sites that cater to this. Use the google and find a fetish site. You'll find girls more open and less judgemental about your desire.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
LTR & Age Gap - was it too insurmountable?
Posted: 1/18/2012 9:16:54 PM
Age gaps don't matter as much if you're in the same phass of life.

You're 27 which means you're hitting the point in your life when you're wild days are mostly behind you and you're looking to settle down.

She's 21 and her wild days are staring her in the face.

Different phases of life, not likely to work out.

Try again in 6 years
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 46 (view)
 
You're a good man.
Posted: 1/16/2012 12:35:35 AM
Wow, and I thought women were pessimistic...

I've said 'you're a good man' to one man before, and that was the man I could actually see myself marrying. I said it when he did things I didn't expect, or things that showed me his maturity, his generousity as a boyfriend, anything that showed me that he was worth the heart I gave him.

Saying someone is a nice guy is a blow off usually. Nice guy means you see them as a doormat. They may be a friend, but they're not someone you invest time in. A good man? A good man you sell your soul for.

If she's not pulling away, its merely a way she shows affection and contentment. You can read anything you want into words, you can read anything you want into actions, but if you put the two together you usually get the right message.

Be happy
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/16/2012 12:24:56 AM
This site hasn't hurt my self esteem, but it's either made me less naive and/or less trustful of men in general. When a man approaches me in real life, it's easy to spot the lines, the manipulation, the plays. On here, when there's no tone, it's harder. I understand that sex is always a goal no matter what the guys intention is (whether it's just sex or a relationship), but I feel like 99% of guys on here are just looking for booty. Not even all of them want to meet, they just want sexy chat or pics. I now think that most guys are uber creepy like this. I kinda liked being naive.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
what's the procedure here?
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:33:20 PM
Seafoodandeatit, you missed the point. It doesn't matter what she looks like, it matters that he explained it when he didn't need to. He could have said she was stick thin with gorgeous cocoa skin and the issue would have remained. What she looked like has no bearing on the question. So he objectified unnecessarily and us women, we don't look so kindly on that.

OP, if you see a woman you like, go talk to her. If she doesn't like it, she'll blow you off. If that's her boyfriend, he'll tell you to scram. You never know if you don't try. Try a craigslist missed connection for the "thick girl who wasn't fat but had love handles in mcdonalds" and see how far that gets you
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do you think this profile will work great for me?
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:09:54 PM
I think it sounds a bit smarmy too. There are nice things about it, but there are things that stick out to me that make you seem either full of yourself or creepy.

- "Making complete strangers feel special and interesting" makes it sound like you know how to work people. So when we go out and you make me feel special and interesting, am I just falling into the same trap as the rest of the world? The first part of the sentence is good, it's that part that doesn't sit right.

- "sushi connaissuer" and the statement about an athletic jock liking scientific magazines being a paradox, that makes you seem snobbish. first, you don't come off as a jock to me. Second, people should be multifaceted, and assuming you're the only one who is sounds stuck up.

I also agree with a previous poster about the paragraph on voluteering seeming self serving. Good sentiment, you just need to rework it a bit.

Also, the part about being difficult to read isn't good. Men and women have enough trouble communicating without the confusion that you acknowledge.

On a side note, you're six months out of a relationship that devastated you. Are you sure you're ready to be back in the dating game? I ask because I've read way too many forum posts about people who were still mourning their last realtionship, and their new one suffered because of it. Make sure you're ready.

Good luck.

Oh, one more thing: you're 30 and willing to date an 18 year old? That's a huge red flag for me. The age difference isn't the issue, if you wanted to date a 42 year old I'd have no qualms. But 18 year old girls are either still in high school, or fresh out. You're a successful business owner. What do you have in common? That's what makes it creepy.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Well why not?
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:49:21 PM
Your main pic being a group photo isn't going to get you as much attention as a really cute close up of your face would (like your third photo).

Your profile does sound sincere and awesome, but your screenname is a little offputting. I don't know how many women look at the actual name, but I do and it would weird me out.

You might want to add a little bit about what you're looking for in a relationship. Otherwise, I think it's pretty great.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Too High/Too Low?
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:44:47 PM
One more thing: your main pic is terrible. I didn't realize how cute you were until I flipped through all your pics. Find a nice clear pic of your face with a SMILE on it (you don't smile in your pics). It'll make a world of difference.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Too High/Too Low?
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:43:19 PM
You're still young, so I'm gonna clue you in on something.... There are no leagues. Everyone has a range of people that they are attracted to. That range has nothing to do with how attractive, intelligent, or rich that person is. Confidence will get you everywhere. You're a good looking guy, a football player who's not a meathead, and seemingly genuine. You're in many women's wheelhouses. If you think you're not in someone's league, you're the one who put yourself there (Unless they're a snob, in which case screw them).

I like your profile. I think you should remove the line about sarcasm though. Most people that put something about sarcasm in their profile do so because they enjoy belittling others under the excuse of sarcasm. Your sense of humor will come across as you communicate, you don't need to state that outright.

Also, I'd include something about what you're looking for.
Good luck
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
26 y/o female---seeking all perspectives!
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:36:56 PM
Initally reading your profile, I thought it too bookish and a touch condescending. But that will set you apart. And since your education is something you're proud of, it's not a horrible thing that you display it as you do. It should help weed out those that aren't serious.

On a side note, I LOVE the top you're wearing in your main pic!
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 27 (view)
 
cute guy needs a review
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:32:07 PM
You're 5'11''? Cus standing next to that window, i'd say 5'6" tops. Try this again after you go through puberty kid.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile Revamp, probably needs more vamp
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:25:46 PM
If you're planning on revamping your entire look (haircut, wardrobe) then you should just wait until you do that put it out there. But don't redo your look to make yourself into what you think people want. Do it to be comfortable with yourself. Women can pick up on guys just trying to impress them that way.

Delete all player references. You bring it up three times. Once can be taken wrong, three times you've labelled yourself.

If you want to convey "play it by ear, let's give it a shot" then you can add that. You don't say what you're looking for anywhere, and you can easily add that.

Good luck.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Need Reviews, 25 year old male
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:20:41 PM
Your caption on the dolphin photo made me laugh, but your sense of humor doesn't come through much in the rest of your profile. It's all good information, it's well written and put together, but it doesn't convey much of your personality.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
i review profiles a ton, seems only fair to have mine done
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:17:57 PM
I review profiles a lot, but I've never had mine done. I'm cute, so I get a fair number of messages. But I wouldn't mind improving the quality of people I attract. Any helpful hints?
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Please review my profile, tell me where I'm going wrong!
Posted: 1/12/2012 2:06:01 AM
Here's a thought... maybe it's just the girls you're emailing?

Younger girls get way too many emails. Some of them are just here for attention and aren't actually looking to date at all. Or they're completely superficial and you're not hot enough (you're attractive, don't get me wrong ). Don't email the hottest girls on here. Find a sweet girl looking for more.

Oh yeah, and you're 21. This is the time of your life when everyone is single and looking. Go outside and talk to people. Good luck.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Just added a random video to my page
Posted: 1/12/2012 1:56:57 AM
Video's unnecessary. Anyone going through the trouble of looking at it will be doing so to kill boredom. Anyone interested doesn't need to look at a video.

That being said, you come off as kind of an ass. You make many statements about how important good looks are, but then you're above that, but that' you're good looking so... yeah, not cool. I'd rework the whole thing if I were you.

Good luck.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Could I please get some helpful reviews...?
Posted: 1/12/2012 1:51:27 AM
I don't think your profile is too long. Any woman who wouldn't talk the time to read it is definitely not the woman for you.

Definitely need more pics. The two self shots, same outfit...boring Put some up of you doing things. You have plenty of interests and activities, show them in your pictures. You can have a friend or family member snap some pictures of you (try to make them as natural as possible)

Good luck
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
If you don't mind taking a look
Posted: 1/12/2012 1:43:55 AM
You should have at least one clear face shot. Your pics are great, but one unobstructed face shoot would do you well.

Otherwise, your profile seems fine. Just keep plugging away. Good luck
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Need Help
Posted: 1/12/2012 1:40:26 AM
This is gonna sound harsh, but you have grade A clinger written all over you. The poem has a nice sentiment, but why add it to your profile? What service does it do you? And the support the troops thing, also totally unnecessary and juvenile. Again, good sentiment, but doesn't belong on the profile.

Your pictures are all about your kid and not about you. Your child is not part of your dating life, or at least she shouldn't be.

You definitely shouldn't be telling people where you work.

And yes, that statement about bringing the kid along? Oh hell no! Any woman that doesn't chase away is insane.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Profile review pl0z
Posted: 1/9/2012 6:18:21 PM
Veevee, if that's true, then perhaps the OP would have more luck meeting someone through a different venue that caters to gamers, like the games themselves. POF seems to me pretty similar to a bar really, and thus I have to agree with what Goldenheart said. It's not a bad thing that he's into games, but it does limit the number of women he'll find here because of it. I knew a lot of gamers in college, and not a single one of them had a girlfriend because it is harder to find girls who have as much of an interest in it as they do.

I disagree with what Nexus said though. If gaming is a big part of your life, it should be in your profile. It doesn't make you a social recluse, it makes you honest. I wouldn't date a gamer for the same reason I wouldn't date a guy who spents his whole weekend sitting on a couch watching football, it's just not what I'm into. I enjoy being active and out doing things not cooped up inside.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I get responses that aren't exactly responses...
Posted: 1/9/2012 6:10:03 PM
I've heard many of my male friends make the same complaints. I think women like to play coy a little. They favorite you because something interested them, and it shows you that they're interested. But they still want you to make the first move. Sometimes I favorite people when I'm idling flipping through profiles and find one that really interests me, but I don't have time to write an email. Try shooting them an email and see what happens.

As for your actual profile, it's not horrible. You could use a few more flattering pics perhaps, and a section about what you enjoy and offer a partner. But what you've written is fine.

Good luck
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Ex-girlfriend partying
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:08:09 AM
My ex did much the same thing. He told me he loved me but couldn't be with me because he was going through too many personal issues and needed time to himself. The second I left his house, he reactivated all of his personal accounts and was chatting with girls. Because I had foolishly said I wanted to stay friends (because I did love him) he told me everything he was doing with everyone.

I spent a year with him doing this to me. It ripped away my self esteem, destroyed me as a person, and I actually considered killing myself for months. Breakups are devastating, this is worse. Cut ties and give yourself a chance to heal.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
E-mail versus IM
Posted: 1/5/2012 11:08:08 PM
I'm an avid texter, but I don't even do that with people I haven't met yet. If you have to set a time to IM with each other, why not just make a phone call and have a real conversation?

Truth be told, I don't even like to do that. I'll email until I'm comfortable enough to schedule a meet (not forever, 4 or 5 emails). If I'm still interested, I'll give them my number at that point. The same guys wanting to IM to send you dirty texts and junk pics do the exact same when you give them a phone number and I have no interest in that.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
going to the bathroom three times on a meet
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:59:36 PM
OP: you are way way WAY over thinking things. The number of times you used the bathroom, no guy cares about this. Well, maybe if you were gone for half an hour each time, sure, but otherwise... hell, guys make fun of girls having small bladders all the time. It's not it.

He found something he didn't see worthwhile when you met. Maybe he wasn't attracted (though you are beautiful), maybe he didn't like the way you answered a question, maybe he simply decided the drive was too far (you did say he was from out of town).

No guy who digs you is gonna hold the number of times you use a bathroom against you.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
should i not mention i have a child until like the 3rd date or what?
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:41:49 PM
Message #11: "Prefer not to say" is POF speak for yes. Right on!

You should just put that you have children. The way you have it right now, girls are already reading this as deceitful and questioning. Woman will either be ok with you having kids or not, when you tell her makes no difference.

Also, in all honesty, I have no idea what your situation is, but the fact that your daughter is so young might be what frighten women away. In my overly optimistic view of life, I assume the father of my child will not be dating when we're still refering to their age in months.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:32:41 PM
I actually have met people who have ads up on other sites. I don't tend to check them out, as it's always seemed unnecessary to me. I never even ask if they have an ad on another site. I know either because I've come across their other ads on my own or because they've told me while we discuss our experiences in online dating. I figure if I start checking out other ads and fishing around the internet for information on them, it's kinda creepy. But that's just me.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Serial texters
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:52:47 PM
Remember back in the day when women would talk on the phone for hours upon hours and men could only handle two minutes? Different strokes for different folks.

Personally, I hate talking on the phone. I don't mind for a little while, a quick hello, make plans, but I prefer texting to get to know someone. Sure there have been misunderstanding through text (because it doesn't show tone, thus sarcasm is often lost unless you know the person), but I've also had my share of truly tortuous phone calls. In the long run though, I love texting, thus I'm going to likely enjoy being with someone who also loves texting. I have dated guys who don't even have a cell phone, and it's honestly one of the things that drove us apart. I'm a gadget geek. Texting is thus a part of my personality.

Sure you can look at it as the person may have been hiding things, but in the end it boils down to something much more simple: if you can't agree on something as basic as the best way to communicate, you're dead in the water before you started.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How do I explain this randomness?
Posted: 1/2/2012 1:06:18 AM
I actually think it's a cool story. So many people have tattoos that are simply explained by 'I thought it looked cool'. It's a good story of stupidity, but I feel like a lot of tattoo stories are like that. (Even those that have meaning to us when we're 20 and got them will be meaningless when we're 60). If you don't want the reminder, get it covered or removed. Since it's not clearly visible anyway, I think it makes for a good laugh when you're getting to know someone. Either way, it's up to you.

And I agree with the sentiment of stop thinking of yourself as a loser. You project your own feelings about yourself, and I'm sure you don't want others to think of you as a loser. Besides, you won a contest, you're a winner. And you have proof!
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Seeking Women's Opinion
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:55:36 AM
I agree with PittsburghVixen.

In any relationship, especially in marriage, do we not want to have our needs met, and to also meet the needs of our partner? If we can't share our desires and be open and honest, what kind of a relationship is it?

I'm not really one for sharing or for bringing other people into sex with my partner, but I wouldn't get mad if he asked. I had a relationship end several years ago because my partner did not think I would be into what he thought were deviant desires. We remained friends, and have since realized that we both wanted a sexual relationship that we were too afraid to ask for, but that would have meshed perfectly with the other's desires. I regret never having that discussion and I'll never do it again.

Many people get married before they experience their full sexual awakening and awareness of desires, and desires change over time. You should be able to talk about things. Even if you never actually act on them, you can still role play and pretend, fantasize together. There's no harm in asking if you trust you partner.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 97 (view)
 
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:44:23 AM
I have enjoyed reading this thread immensely, and have been well educated by it. I have a question for the ladies who are responsible for most of my education. I am more of a switch than anything. I do enjoy a take charge man, and I do very much enjoy the power play, but I am not fully submissive. I enjoy it probably 70% of the time, 20% equal give and take, and about 10% of the time, you get down and lick my boots. However, I am finding it difficult to find a partner that fits with me. I understand that finding a fit is always difficult, and I have ventured onto fetlife but it hasn't helped. Do I just need to be more specific in what I want, or simply more patient?
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Ex Bashing.....
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:56:34 PM
I'm gonna talk about my ex for two seconds to illustrate this red flag:

On our first date, my ex told me that he had three failed engagements. I didn't see this as a red flag, because well, I'm an idiot Three months of listening to how horrible his life was because of all the terrible things each of those girls had done to him (even though he cheated, and two of their parents paid for his education) and I had enough. Now I listen to him bash me in the same way.

As everyone else has said, ex bashing, huge red flag. Even if they are over their ex (which is unlikely), their victim mentality means they're not mature enough for a relationship.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What do you think? Psycho or Not Psycho
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:39:40 PM
I hate to agree with rec_diver but that's how I read it too. Either he's really just bizarre and slightly off, or he was putting out sexual feelers that you were picking up. No loss really. No need to reach out to him. He had already cooled before changing his profile, so I'd say this chapter is closed. Sorry it went weird for you. Better luck next time :)
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
is it just a drunk text, or is this where i stand?
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:21:39 PM
I'm gonna address the drunk driving thing, because it's been brought up a few times. He lives two streets from the rink. Both those streets are commercial and his biggest danger is hitting a deer. No, I definitely do not condone this in any way. I guess I've just known hockey players for so long that I almost expect it. (Not proud of this). It's the only negative thing I found about him, until this text message issue.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Should i message more?
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:12:25 PM
I know I'm a girl, but....

Most guys who email you... yeah, they just looked at your pictures. Don't waste your time responding to guys who don't take the time to write you a real message (one that shows they took two minutes to read your profile). You're a pretty unique girl, but you're also beautiful. This means you'll get a lot of emails that will go no where. And a lot of guys you email will likely be intimidated by you. Don't worry though, it's not you :) This site doesn't work for everyone, and for some people it takes months or years of trying to find someone. Don't be discouraged.

Unless you're saying stupid things in your emails. Then, well, that is you. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt :)
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
is it just a drunk text, or is this where i stand?
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:05:29 PM
He had his kids for the weekend, and we don't talk much then. He's madly devoted to his boys, and I don't want to interrupt them. So tomorrow will be the soonest I talk to him. I'll let you know how that goes.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
is it just a drunk text, or is this where i stand?
Posted: 1/1/2012 10:20:36 PM
Long story short: I met a man a month ago (not online, at an event). We did not exchange numbers when we met, but he tracked me down through mutual friends and we traded facebook emails and then texts. For the past couple of weeks we have been trying to find a time to hang out together but between the holidays, our work schedules, and his kids, we have not found the appropriate time.

I'm fairly into this guy, and I felt like he was into me too. Our conversations through email, text and phone have been very flirtatious but never overly sexual. The other night he was drunk and told me he was leaving the rink and heading for home unless he could find somewhere else to go (obviously meaning my place). I'm not one for drunk people coming to my house at 1:30am, so I laughed him off and told him to drive safe. He then said something about how amazing in bed he was and how I was apparently never going to find out. I laughed that off too, attributing it to the alcohol. But now I'm not so sure. I've had guys in the past treat me like that because all they wanted from me was sex, but he seemed to be interested in more than that.

So am I overthinking this? Was it just a stupid drunk thing? Or is he just trying to get in my pants?
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Does changing your way of thinking about rejecion??
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:07:49 PM
My roommate and I both have profiles on this site. I do not see a lack of response as rejection, nor do I get upset if someone stops responding. I get hurt if I go on what I felt was a good date and never hear from the person again, but even that isn't horrible. On the other hand, my roommate almost never emails women because he fears that they will not respond. I feel like he's losing out on the experience of online dating, as there are many women who might like him were they to know he was interested.

Our differences online are the same as they are in real life. If I read a profile I enjoy, I write a quick email in response to it. Similarly, if I see a person in the store wearing a cool hat, I'll go over and say something. He waits and considers who he's going to email, and painstakingly crafts a response, in the same way he almost stalks women in life before he works up the courage to speak to them.

In the end, everyone has their own approach and everyone responds differently. Because I'm naturally friendly, I will respond to any email that doesn't offend me, even if it is just to say no. He responds only to those who interest him. (I enjoy the irony that he doesn't respond to emails when it pains him so much when girls ignore him). Because of this, I think it's best to not take offense if people don't respond, to not see it as rejection, and just to keep trying.
 
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