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 Author Thread: Calling you Sweetheart or hun or sweetie
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Calling you Sweetheart or hun or sweetie
Posted: 11/2/2013 6:57:03 PM

I have had hundreds of women in stores, offices, etc that have called me 'hon'.

Pet names like "sweetheart", "babe", "hon" are diminutive, therefore I can understand why a man wouldn't mind if a strange woman used these names for him, as men are typically seen as higher in status and power, thus women do not pose a "threat" to their standing. However, I would be interested in how many men call other men these pet names. I bet very few straight men do this because it would be considered an insult to call another man "hon", etc.


Amazingly, I have referred to men as 'bud', 'buddy', 'bro', 'brother', and 'dawg' about 50 million times - not one of them has ever taken offense or demanded 'say my name!' like some Heisenberg wannabe.......

The pet names for men articulate a camaraderie or an equal standing.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 51 (view)
 
My Boyfriend's Dog
Posted: 5/10/2013 10:08:47 AM
Is this the same guy whose mother buys him everything? To be honest, from what you have written about him, I don't really understand why you would want to have a long term relationship with him. He is tied tightly (at least financially) to his mother, which is not an admirable trait. He should be able to stand on his own two feet. Now he has a dog that he can't/won't control. Is he even embarrassed or apologetic when his dog continues to destroy your things? Then, you mention that he lives with a roommate and can't have the dog outside of his bedroom. So, when you move in, it will be you two and the two dogs basically sharing a room?

If you are thinking long-term with this guy (especially children) I would say cut your line and run. He has already shown that he is fine with others taking care of him (i.e., his mother) and that he does not do well with disciplining his own (i.e., the dog running the house). I'm not really sure what qualities he may have that would override these huge red flags. It also sounds that there are a lot of things you are putting up with and over time I think these things will get old. Good luck if you continue to stay with him.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How to tell if you've moved past friends with benefits
Posted: 5/10/2013 9:32:37 AM
Why not just ask? That way, there is no guess work. Geez, it's not rocket science.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
WTH, I mean, really???
Posted: 5/10/2013 7:51:28 AM

While I think a cheated on spouse should be told,
I don't think that you should jeopardize your own well-being to do so.



And that's exactly what they "bank on" to protect thier images and lies.


I agree, it is the fact that most people will not tell that allows this kind of stuff to continue happening. However, the person that has been wronged needs to protect him/herself first and foremost. If that means that the cheated on spouse does not find out, oh well. Why should the person who has been wronged be forced to incur any more damage just to let the spouse know?
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
WTH, I mean, really???
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:48:10 AM
I'm sorry to hear that you have had an experience like this. I wouldn't have any contact with him and I personally would contact the wife and let her know what happened. This has nothing to do with being vindictive, etc., but it is what I would want if the shoe was on the other foot. Talk about feeling like a fool and being at risk for an STD!

I would, however, wait at least a week to gather my thoughts and let my emotions abate a little before I contacted the wife. I would also gather all of the correspondences, etc. to give to her. However, there is one caveat; if this is going to negatively impact you professionally, do not do it. While I think a cheated on spouse should be told, I don't think that you should jeopardize your own well-being to do so.

Good luck and don't let one a**hole color your life grey.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Predator or Paranoid? What are his intentions?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:58:21 AM
Oh my, so many different things to address. The first is the fear of him being a pedophile. I am not saying that he is one, but please keep in mind that many pedophiles either never get caught or are caught after molesting many, many children. Many times it is the person you know, not the stranger on the street, that are going to molest your children. The reason for this is because parents ignore the signs and/or they do not want to accuse someone who is known to them. You should read Predators: Pedophiles, rapists, and other sex offenders by Anna C. Salter, Ph.D. It's an amazing book written by a psychologist that has studied the behaviors of sex offenders.

Second, even if this man is not a pedophile, the fact that he has created a wonderful fantasy of the perfect life together is troubling. He barely knows you and has not met you, yet he is already desperately trying to intertwine himself into your life and vice versa. In the matter of 3 weeks he has included your father and his brother into the "relationship". If you are interested, look up early warning signs of abusive and controlling men. One of the major signs is the very quick and intense courtship. When asking abused women about their relationships, they often state that the man had "swept them off their feet".

Lastly, this man is already showing that he is not good relationship, nor father-figure, material for you and your children. Yes, I know, he "only" went to jail for unpaid tickets, but why would you want to entangle you and your children's lives with someone who has gone to jail? Wouldn't it be better to be with someone who you don't have to worry about getting a call to bail him out? Someone who is responsible and takes care of their business?

By the rationalizations that you have written, OP, I think you will probably ignore all these issues and date this man anyways. While I hope that everyone here is wrong and he ends up being a wonderful guy, if he is not I hope the consequences of ignoring all the warning signs only fall on you, and not your children.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 6:54:54 PM

And contrary to popular belief, not everybody makes new friends-real friends that you make plans to socialize with-as soon as you go to a gathering of human beings. It takes a lot of being in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people and luck.


I think finding new friends is a lot harder for men than it is for women. In my experience, many men maintain the friendships they forged in school or early on in their lives. Few find it easy to make new friends later in life. For women I just think it is easier to be social and open to new friendships.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 2:46:32 AM
It hasn't been my experience that my friends that couple up leave me out, I have more trouble with my friends that have children. This is especially true of the friends whose world revolves around their child (e.g., never goes anywhere without them, the only conversation to be had is about their kids). I can only handle those friends in small doses, and unfortunately, unless there is a strong friendship pre-children, those relationships tend to fade.

Most friendships have "seasons". That is, unless you have been friends for a very long time, most of the friends you meet in your life are there only for a short time. You just have to learn how to always be open to making new friends and understand that not many will be a lifelong friend.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Education and Career... Why ?
Posted: 4/9/2013 9:49:59 PM
For me, I want a man that is highly educated. It has nothing to do with how much he makes, as I am also highly educated, but more a way of life. I pretty much have always dated blue-collar high school educated men (there was one that had a BA). None of these men were even remotely interested in intellectual pursuits. Were they smart? Yes, they were smart in their own way or I would not have dated them. But I also know that if I suggested going to a museum, a lecture, or to read a book, it was always a "hell no." I want someone that enjoys learning and is interested in new things.

As far as career, my goal has always been to get an education that would enable me to have a career in which I can live anywhere in the world. I would want any future partner to be able to do this with me. He would need to have a flexible career, skill set, and enough education to be granted a work visa (or be valuable enough to a US company with global offices). So for me, career and education are very important.

Now, if I happened to find someone who was very cerebral, that was willing and able to live globally, but did not have a higher degree (journalists and writers come to mind), then I would rethink my position.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Is this true:basically men want a sexy woman/women want a successful man?
Posted: 4/4/2013 8:39:20 AM

Also, I am quite self-sufficient, I am not in serious debt like so many people, I have what I need, I get state health services, low-income housing. I live in a University Town, Amherst, MA, with lots of possibilities. My sister who visited me a few months ago remarked that I have it made. I am not a wage slave, not in some corporation making lots of money in some kind of corrupt way that makes slaves overseas, wrecks the environment, and makes the rich richer and the poor poorer. I've kept my integrity...


You are not self-sufficient. You live off the system that "wage slaves" have made possible yet disparage people that work for the benefits that you enjoy.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Is this true:basically men want a sexy woman/women want a successful man?
Posted: 4/3/2013 8:22:15 PM
Wow, you are so insightful (in my best Ben Stein imitation)!!
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Would you date someone who travels for work?
Posted: 4/2/2013 12:51:58 PM
IMO you may have a couple of options for a relationship. You should be looking for a woman who is either:

1) independently wealthy
2) retired
3) has a low end job that she doesn't mind leaving behind
4) has a job that doesn't require an office

Other than these 4 types of women I think you have a very, very small chance. Is there a way that you can cut down on the amount of time you travel for work?
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Hypocrisy or...
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:00:10 PM
The women you are emailing do not find you attractive. Geesh, it's like banging your head against the wall in these forums. At least you are young OP, not like the over 30 guys who are still asking this stupid question. Let me ask you something....are you emailing every nice woman on this site, regardless of how she looks? If not, why not? Could it be because you are not attracted to them? Women do the same exact thing. Shocker, I know. Who is the hypocrite now?
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
A question for the ladies would you date man with Aspergers and Adhd?
Posted: 3/31/2013 3:47:46 PM
I may be friends, but no, I wouldn't have a relationship with a man who is diagnosed with a mental illness. I've seen relationships where one partner is diagnosed as having add or adhd (as well as other mental illnesses), and those relationships are not anything I would want. In addition, many of these issues are genetic based and I don't want to increase the risk of my children inheriting these disabilities. Sorry OP, good luck.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Trust problems!
Posted: 3/30/2013 8:39:42 AM
Is there a reason why the two of you have not gone out and done a proper date? It's fine that she comes over when a lamb is giving birth (I'm assuming that is what lambing is lol) and you cook dinner and have walks, but maybe it is time to step it up a notch. It somewhat sounds like the two of you are friends who go to lunch, take long walks together, and dinner over each other's houses. You two sound like you are in your 50s, come on OP live a little, walk off the farm. :)
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Bedtime rule Question for men
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:39:27 PM
Does your husband make other demands for things you don't want to do? I think the fact that he is consistently forcing you to do something that you don't want to do is indicative to his nature. If you really care about someone you are not going to force them to do something that they really don't want to do (unless we are talking about unhealthy behaviors).

However, reading some of your posting history suggests that this may be more of a case of him not trusting you. You had admitted that he has forgiven you for some outrageous behaviors and that at one point you guys were separated. It may be that he is insecure on what you may be up to while he is asleep. Either way you should talk to him and figure out why this is such a big issue for him. If it is because he doesn't trust you then that can be worked on. If it isn't and he just wants you to do it because he just does, then you may have a more serious issue.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
not interested?
Posted: 3/28/2013 11:47:27 AM
I wouldn't have agreed to another date with someone who kept texting during the first one.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
European girls
Posted: 3/26/2013 10:39:05 PM
In general, I think most women don't initiate first contact, no matter where they are from.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:43:36 AM

But just cuz I smoke does not make me a drug addict...


I think we are getting too much into semantics and people are getting upset over the word "addict." Sorry folks, but smoking causes nicotine addiction, hence, if you are a smoker you are an addict to nicotine. As an ex-smoker, I will always be susceptible to going back to smoking, just like an ex-alcoholic and ex-substance abuser have to struggle to stay clean. I know for myself that if I was to smoke just one cigarette, I would be back smoking a pack a day. Some days are harder than others but the craving is still there and it has been over 10 years since I quit.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
European girls
Posted: 3/26/2013 12:58:03 AM
I don't know about European women, but the fact that you are short and your main pic looks like you have something coming out of your nose would turn off many women.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 12:45:33 AM

Wow I love all these self proclaimed experts. Once a smoker always a smoker? and you will go back to it? Thats like saying once your fat You will always be fat no matter how much you lose. Look the best way to handle a smoker is to be polite but up front and honest. If both of you are into each other then he will quit. Once someone quits they can quit forever. My dad and several old people quit and not smoked for over 30 years. It's even easier to stop now then it was then. If smokeing is such an issue then leave him, but because your looking for an excuse to keep him tells me you are really into him. So tell him and even go buy that inferno kit and talk to him openly.


I do believe it is easier to slip back into old habits (i.e., ex-smoker starts smoking again) than to start up a new bad habit, especially if you are an adult. How many adult smokers do you know that started smoking at 30? How many smokers do you know that have tried quitting before? I am an ex-smoker. I started smoking around 14-15 years old and I quit when I was around 25. For a couple of years after I quit I would have vivid dreams in which I smoked. They were so real sometimes it was hard to separate dream from reality and I would question myself on if I had actually smoked or not. Crazy, right? I still occasionally have those dreams and I still sometimes have a craving to have a cigarette. And I was one of those people who stopped cold turkey. I just one day told myself that this was my last pack. I had never wanted to or tried to quit before that and my family and friends all smoked, so there was no pressure to quit. What I am trying to say is that the likelihood of someone who has smoked in the past to smoke again in the future is exponentially higher than someone who has never smoked. So while it is not set in stone that a smoker will always be a smoker, there is a significant risk.

To the OP, I would say that it would be best to end this relationship if smoking is a hard and fast deal breaker for you. No one is going to quit because someone else wants them to; ex-smokers quit because the time was right for them. Even if they say they want to quit, having someone on the sidelines nudging them does not help. Good luck.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 98 (view)
 
The dreaded roommate-boyfriend situation - HELP!
Posted: 3/25/2013 8:28:05 PM

We really can't - you have to drive it to know it (similarly, people here in the Southwest sometimes don't quite believe me about what's typical in Boston).


lol HelenBackAgain, I'm originally from Boston, so I guess I know traffic :)
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Called by an ex's name
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:54:19 AM
I've done this. I had only been dating this guy for a short period of time when he had a party at his house. Well, my two previous bfs both had the same name and this current guy had a name starting with the same letter. So, with a little bit of drink and the similarities in the names of the last 2 guys I dated, I messed up and called him by the wrong name. In front of everyone...there were crickets...but he just laughed it off. It happens, although I have to say I've never had a bf call me by the wrong name. My mother, yes, bfs, no. :)
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Does he really love me and does he want to commit to me???
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:42:04 AM

...I think you're a troll..


She's either a troll or she is an imbecile.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Some technical advise please:)
Posted: 3/22/2013 10:39:33 PM
How is a learning disability and bipolar a temporary issue? I think most women that you are saying this to are probably thinking the same thing. Unfortunately, most women are not going to want to start a relationship with you, no matter how much you think everyone's love should be unconditional. I think you may have a better chance of finding someone offline and who gets to know you first. It is a lot easier to take a chance on someone that you already know and like and then later find out he has issues, than someone you know right off the bat has issues.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 84 (view)
 
The dreaded rommate-boyfriend situation - HELP!
Posted: 3/22/2013 9:54:02 PM

Her boyfriend's place is far away from her work and she said it would be a hassle to fight traffic back to this side of town in the mornings, whereas our apartment is only 3 blocks from her job.


that is THEIR PROBLEM! How ridiculous!

If I were you, I would start seriously looking - even if you wind up alone in an efficiency or studio apartment for much less rent to get your bills taken care of, it would be so worth it for you.


I think people who don't live in LA don't truly understand the absolute nightmare traffic is in this area. Also, the vast majority of apartments, studios or not, are very expensive (i.e., at least $1000 or more), unless you want to live in a very unsafe neighborhood. I am fortunate that I don't work in LA so I can live in the Inland Empire so that my rent is more reasonable. But, OP, if you work in LA I understand that you may be between a rock and a hard place. If you are the only name on the lease, I would find out how much notice you need to give your roommate and have her evicted. That way you are not the one being inconvenienced. Good luck.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
To intervene or not?
Posted: 3/21/2013 8:28:01 PM
Your comment,



Needless to say I can't continue to invest time and energy and I broke things off with her two weeks ago. We still talk, are still friends, and the door is open for us to see each other again on a more casual dating basis.


led me to think that you are not interested in seeking a serious relationship with her because of her mental illness, but you are open to have other types of relationships with her. For example, "see each other again on a more casual dating basis." Typically when a man states that he is willing to date "casually," it often means something along the lines of casual sex. If I'm wrong in that assumption, pardon me, but the fact that you don't want to continue to "invest time and energy" into a serious relationship with this woman, but are cool with "casual dating" makes me think that your motives to continue to be in this woman's life is not completely altruistic.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
To intervene or not?
Posted: 3/21/2013 5:15:31 PM

Why would you bother with her?


Here is the answer to that question:



.....and the door is open for us to see each other again on a more casual dating basis.


casual (aka no strings attached) sex.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
stuffed animals vs jewelry? Proper gifts while dating?
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:50:55 AM
Once you hit 12 years old there should be no more giving or receiving stuffed animals. I mean really OP. You are a 27 year old man and you think it's appropriate to give stuffed animals to your girlfriend? You don't have to buy expensive jewelry, but at least buy a gift that is age appropriate.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Would You Become Involved Romantically with Mr. or Ms. Right? If S/he Has Herpes?
Posted: 3/13/2013 9:30:04 PM

Lots of people are born with it so it would be sad to exclude them from being allowed to be loved. Are some of you people so shallow to discard someone because of a virus? Have you never suffered from the common cold? or other viral infections, either? Hmm, perhaps you're just trying to seek revenge for you yourself from being rejected due to a lack of intellect, emotional and otherwise.


I'm not suggesting that people with herpes should be excluded from being loved, not at all. However, it is my preference to not date someone who has a communicable disease that has no cure and can cause outbreaks for the rest of my life. I don't think this has anything to do with lack of intellect or emotional maturity; it's a preference to not face that risk and then deal with the consequences of making that choice. Besides, if what everyone has been saying is true, that a sizeable amount of the population is infected, then there should be no problem finding someone who has already contracted the virus and therefore does not have to take a risk with an infected partner.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
The dreaded rommate-boyfriend situation - HELP!
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:25:30 PM
...but part of me feels like that would be the chicken way out and sort of like running away from your problems instead of speaking up and confronting someone [roommate] about something that makes you feel uncomfortable.


Is your roommate a friend or just a roommate? Because if she is a friend, you need to consider "confronting" her on this can blowup your friendship. If she is just a roommate and you don't care if you ever speak to her again, then confront her all you want.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do you turn off the butterflies?
Posted: 3/13/2013 2:39:16 PM
OP why would you continue to torture yourself? If the feelings are not mutual, then you need to distance yourself until you don't have those feelings anymore. You are not going to get over him by being around him all the time. If I was to guess the future of what may happen, all this hanging out together will result in you sleeping with him. He will be absolved of any wrong doing (e.g., "I told you I didn't like you in that way" "I thought we were just friends with benefits") and you will end up hurt.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
The dreaded rommate-boyfriend situation - HELP!
Posted: 3/13/2013 2:30:20 PM
This happened to me also. At least your roommate was considerate enough to tell you when he was coming over and seems to take into account your happiness. Mine smuggled her bf in and thought I wouldn't notice. I had to overtly ask her if there was someone staying over. Anyways, unless your roommate is really understanding and willing to be fair, this is a no-win situation. Either she'll be mad that you have asked her to curtail the visits, she refuses to curtail the visits, or she ends up moving out. Another solution may be to ask for him to pay a third of the utilities if he is going to be staying there that often.

Personally, I would find a way to live on your own. From what you have said, you and I are similar in the fact that our home is where we can relax and having a third party enter it feels like an invasion. I know I would rather live on the street in a cardboard box before I ever have a roommate again.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Would You Become Involved Romantically with Mr. or Ms. Right? If S/he Has Herpes?
Posted: 3/11/2013 3:11:36 AM
If I found out the man I was dating had herpes there wouldn't be enough time for me to find out if he was Mr. Right, I would be out the door. Sorry, but I'm not risking getting infected with a disease that does not have a cure.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Help me please. Im a extreamly lonely HERO!
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:44:48 PM
You need a profile review stat. Go post in the Profile Review section.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
how do you live your life?
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:39:26 PM
Personally, I like the big vacations. I save for amazing vacations and forgo all the little weekend getaways a lot of my friends do. But I also don't have children, so maybe I would change if I did. However, I'm thinking that I wouldn't. My best memories as a kid were the vacations my parents took me on, so I would probably do the same thing for my kids.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What do you say when a woman complains about other men on the site?
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:29:31 PM
I have found that a lot of the men from here ask me that question during the first conversation. I think of it as more like an icebreaker; something we both have in common (i.e., experiences of being on POF). I don't get offended by it and sometimes the stories they tell (or me) are quite entertaining.

IMO if you like this woman don't over analyze this first conversation and go meet her. If she ends up only bashing men all night, then fine, she isn't the one for you. But you'll never know if you don't give her a chance.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Just trying to get a little outside feedback.
Posted: 3/9/2013 10:20:36 AM
I think that if it was just for an intimate encounter he would be meeting you this weekend; you can't have sex from 200 miles away. I see from your profile, OP, that you're 22. I'm going to guess that the guy you were talking to was also around 22. Why would anyone around that age even attempt or want to try having a relationship with someone so far away? There are so many options that are closer and at that age having a serious relationship is not always what people are looking for.

My advice would be to move on and don't start up anymore conversations with men that are that far away. You're young, why bother with long distance relationships? Find someone closer to you and have fun.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Women in their 30s: do you notice balding?
Posted: 3/6/2013 11:12:29 PM
I'm around your age and yes, I do notice if a man is balding. I don't always advocate that men shave their head once the hairline recedes, but I do think men that keep their hair short (like HelenBackAgain suggested) look a lot better than leaving the hair long. I think that keeping it long looks messy and straggly, especially when the hair is thinning. Unfortunately, I also think that a full on beard really accentuates the lack of hair on the head. In fact, for the seriously balding, IMO it looks ridiculous. Sorry, not trying to be mean. You have a picture of you without a beard and I think you look better without one anyways.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Change your Personality???
Posted: 2/25/2013 12:52:57 AM
I don't think you have to change who you are, just go outside your comfort zone. I have always been a quiet, shy person until I get to know someone. Talking to new people caused extreme anxiety. But how do you get to meet new people if you are quiet and shy? You have to go outside your comfort zone.

As a personal story, when I moved to CA I knew no one in the state. Knowing that I did not want to be alone for the years I was planning on staying here I made a conscious decision to go outside my comfort zone and engage and talk to people any chance I could get. I made my friends and I was able to be more myself with them. Once I had established friendships I didn't need to go outside my comfort zone as much anymore. As a matter of fact, by forcing myself to do that my comfort zone expanded, so that I didn't have such huge anxiety when meeting new people.

I haven't consciously tried to be outgoing in years, but when I mention to people that I'm really quiet and shy most are surprised. As a matter of fact, just the other day a person I had only met twice was shocked that I am normally an introvert. I guess by forcing myself to be more outgoing, some of it has rubbed off on me. I think if you try it on a small scale (e.g., saying hi to a stranger or smiling at a stranger) the easier it will be.

Oh and I forgot to add, in my case my fears were not always the initial hello, but how to keep a conversation going. I hate small talk and am not good at it. I always have a set of questions or topics that I could talk to anyone about, so by having that in my mind it lessened my anxiety. Good luck.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Am I too slow?
Posted: 2/25/2013 12:24:35 AM
If you are not happy where you are now and have had thoughts of moving to NYC before meeting this guy, why not start looking for employment in NYC? If you are not a US citizen then you are going to have to get a visa to live here and the easiest way to get one would be through employment. By doing this you are satisfying two goals, one is that you have always wanted to live there and two now you can start really getting to know this guy. I wouldn't recommend just going there without a job as then you will be completely dependent on this guy. Good luck.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
problems expressing empathy
Posted: 2/15/2013 3:07:35 AM

From my layman's perspective, I doubt the OP is a sociopath, as he is not only cognizant of his problem, he also cares about his lack of empathy enough, to address it. To me, this is demonstrating care about how his feelings (or lack thereof) may impact himself and others.


Sociopaths are aware of their lack of empathy. We don't know the OP, so what he is saying on here may not be the reality (caring about the impact to others). He should check the list of characteristics and see if he fits it, because frankly, the fact that he can not feel empathy is a serious issue.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way to learn how to feel empathy. There are programs on better ways to express empathy, such as for people who have asperger's or adhd, but these programs are for people who can feel empathy but just have a hard time expressing it correctly.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
problems expressing empathy
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:42:37 AM
You could be a psychopath or sociopath. One of the characteristics for both is lack of empathy.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
a little help would be nice
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:32:58 AM
What do you mean you "serve part time"? Are you saying you are in the Reserves? The reason I am asking is that some women may not want to date someone who is in the military. If you are in the Reserves, those same women may be fine with that because the likelihood of you being shipped off somewhere or relocated are slim to none and being in the Reserves you are only away a weekend a month, I believe. So, if you are a Reservist, I would suggest taking down all but one of your pictures of you in uniform and replace them with you in civilian clothes. All those military pictures are overkill if it's not your primary occupation.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Don't understand this man!
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:20:37 AM

Why bother dealing with me at all then? This is what I don't understand. He should just leave me alone if he's not interested, no? Or just tell me straight up. I gave him the perfect opportunity to.


Because he knows you like him and if he keeps some contact with you there is a chance that you'll eventually sleep with him. He doesn't have to put much work in, just hold out a carrot for you, and hope that he wins big in the end. I would cut all contact, but if you want to continue talking to him make sure you keep your legs closed until he starts acting like someone who is truly interested.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Worried about my lack of relationship experience
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:08:55 AM
If I got along and liked a guy it wouldn't matter to me.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Should I ditch the range pics?
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:41:09 PM
I am not anti-gun in the least, but I do tend to shy away from profiles with pictures of men with guns. Once I get to know the guy, it's not a big deal if he owns guns, but when I'm first trying to get to know someone, I can hear that little voice in my head saying "what if he's crazy and I know he owns a bunch of guns". I know, it doesn't make sense, but even a woman who isn't anti-gun may be a little off put by knowing this information right at the get go.

I would suggest taking the pictures of guns off your profile and just mention "target shooting" or "restoring old firearms" as one of your interests (and I would only mention anything with guns once, so as not to seem obsessed).
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Need some advice
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:26:29 PM
I think one of the mail requirements people can put on their profile is that there must be a picture, so you'll be cutting down your prospective profiles. Also, I don't care how fabulous the message is, if the sender is not attractive to me, it's not going anywhere. Personally, I would leave your picture up as I think not having a picture would lessen your chances.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why Don't I Ever Get a Response?
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:19:39 PM

3. I shouldn't mention that I am a model ? I thought that would help me lol.


You have seen Zoolander, right? Most women are not interested in dating a male model.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Why do woman go after bad boys?
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:16:39 PM
It's not that women want to be treated badly, it's more likely that they are not interested in a short 23 year old man with two children. From your post and your profile, you also don't know how to spell or create sentences and your career plans seem flighty (i.e., from one type of career to the next). Unfortunately, most women who have something to offer will see you as a load of red flags and go screaming the other way.

For the sake of your two children, put dating on hold, spend time with your young children, and get a solid career going.
 
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