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 Author Thread: What do Nerdy men look for in a woman?
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What do Nerdy men look for in a woman?
Posted: 7/18/2012 10:01:54 AM

- Hang fuzzy 12-sided dice from your rearview mirror


ROFLMAO!!!

Now that's funny, right there!
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:55:30 AM

Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up. What am I meant to do to get them to ask me out? Theres been plenty of chat with all of them, its not like its just been one-liners. I would quite like to actually go out on a date as im not the sort of person who wants to just live through their computer. And also I think that there comes a point with emailing on here (well for me anyway) that the chat is kind of coming to an end and its either 'date or break'.

Presuumably they like communicating with me as they reply every time I send a message. We are all on here to potentially meet someone we are compatible with but how is that gonna happen if nobody ever meets up?

Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking. Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?


It depends on the guy, but speaking for myself, I can think of three main reasons:
1) I am gun-shy and afraid of rejection and getting my heart stomped on when I'm not sure what you really want gets old really, really quick. So it could be that the man in question could be afraid to "take the leap."

---IF that's the case, the easiest way to solve the situation is to be direct enough to say "I like you... I REALLY like you... Let's go out..."

2) Men like to be chased and wanted as much as women do. Seriously. It's nice to have a woman want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. But being a guy and having to constantly chase and chase and not know if she desires you or said "yes" because nobody else asked first or whatever sucks.

---If this is the case, surprise him by planning out a date (the restaurant, evening, etc...) and romance him.

3) Pardon the phrase, but "he just isn't into you."

---If this is the case and he doesn't commit, walk away.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What do Nerdy men look for in a woman?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:44:37 AM

Hello!
I hope this does not sound like a silly question, but I am curious about what intelligent, "geeky," "nerdy," (whatever you call it) men look for in a woman (interests, personality, hobbies, physical appearance, anything, etc.).

I often find myself attracted to them (especially if they love science and/or mathematics), and there is one in specific that I get really shy around. I’ve only talked to him a few times, and he’s always really nice and friendly to me. Actually, he’s really nice and friendly to anyone that talks to him…I guess I have a hard time knowing if he or others like him are interested in me or not.

Anyways…ENOUGH about me, guys!...

...What do YOU “nerdy” men look for in a woman?

Also, any tips and/or advice on how to catch your interest and/or know when you’re into a woman?

Grazie!


I am a "nerdy" guy... What turns me on is someone who's got brains, wit, and knows something about something. Not saying that I'm a snob, but jeez a woman who's got intelligence is a huge plus. The "ditzy blonde" who just giggles and talks about what shoes she bought or the Jersey Shore is not the woman I want to be with. Complete sentences that have a rudimentary understanding of grammer and spelling are BIG. (A super bonus is if you can use the correct usage of "there/they're/their" and "two/to/too"...)

On the other hand, while I DO enjoy Star Trek and Sci-fi stuff, I'm not looking or interested in a woman who is out there speaking Klingon, either... An interest in sci-fi stuff is nice, but what really works is to allow "me" to be "me" with all my geekiness and I'll allow you to be "you" as well.

BTW, it's the "Big Bang Theory," and part of what makes it such a great show is not just the awkwardness but also the growth of the characters.

PS... I agree 100% with Igor's thing about the hedgehog. I'm not even going to look at a profile that doesn't have a face pic.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Imaginary love triangle??
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:57:33 PM
A friend of mine in a recovery group used to explain her epiphany like this:

I used to wonder why I kept attracting all these losers...
...Then I realized I wasn't "attracting" them, but I was attracted TO them.

We usually end up fulfilling our own prophecies. But we also don't like to own up to our own responsibility in those self-fulfilling prophecies, so we do whatever we can to pawn it off or sabotage ourselves.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:51:24 PM
My cardinal rule is this:
OWN YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.

In other words, own up to your own-self and play no games. If you're breaking up, don't "start an argument and hope he/she breaks up first." Don't play games with people, trying to "make them" do what you don't want to face.

There is no "cute" way of ending a relationship. Think about how you want to be treated and act likewise.

As for the explanation...well, the deeper the relationship, the more needs to be unwound. A couple of dates, and the only "explanation" needed is "I just don't want to see you any longer." A marriage of eleven years? Yeah, Lucy, you have some 'esplanin to do.

But again, in my experience an "explanation" is usually used to palm off the responsibility on the other person (ie. "I feel bad about telling you I don't want to be with you, so I'll make it ALL your fault..."). OWN YOURSELF AND NOBODY ELSE. You have your own reasons for ending a relationship...own up to them.

It really is not any more complicated than that...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 38 (view)
 
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 7/2/2012 5:12:53 PM

Butterflies are that true Love...thats that chemistry thing we are all looking for...although butterflies can also make a person close up and seem shy...only because they are really into you..sommetimes the shy butterfly thing makes the other person think you are not into them...lol dating I cant take it anymore...butterfly thing is only going to come natural....its rear and sooo hard to find...keep dating...until you find it...and if you dont feel it...make sure you are upfront from the beginning with the person...tell them right now im only dating to find the one..that way the girl wont feel hurt if shes not the one...she will know up front that the butterflies where not there...


I'm calling BS!

I believe in "True Love." True love ain't some swoopy little feeling in your stomach or crotch or wherever. That's something else entirely.

True love doesn't happen by magic, or chemistry, or luck, or coincidence. Love...TRUE LOVE...is worked at, nurtured, and renewed every day. True love takes a huge investment of time and energy and shows itself precisely when those stupid "butterfly" feelings aren't there... when you look at your spouse and really don't *like* them at that moment but know that you love them even more deeply than the present moment's dislike.

Infatuation, lust, insanity...whatever you want to call that momentary lapse of reason (with due apologies to Pink Floyd) is a quirk that hits hard and flees even more quickly. It cannot carry you through the dry-times, when you look at your partner and realize you don't *like* them at that second, or they don't make your stomach flip-flop anymore, then you're screwed.

By-the-way, it's the pursuit of that non-sensical sensation/feeling that turns people into commodities to be used and then thrown-away when they no longer amuse you any more.

Don't do that to someone else. It really sucks.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Almost a year later and my ex apologizes for what happened in a past relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 5:01:44 PM
Dude... Remember, your EX's are EX's for a REASON.

It's done, it's over. You aren't going to go anywhere productive trying to drive looking in the rear-view.
Move on already...unless you WANT your heart to get all stepped on. But that's your problem if you do.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Best Friend
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:44:27 AM

I am getting married in August. My best friend is my maid of honor. She has been becoming more and more distant with me as the day approaches. She is dealing with her own issues with her relationship not going anywhere after 4 years and says that is why she doesn't like to hang around with us anymore because our relationship is moving forward and she feels stupid because she has been in a relationship longer and hers isn't going anywhere and is becoming worse.

I'm sad because I miss her and our friendship. I am trying to purposely not talk about the wedding but since she is the only one in it for bridesmaids I need to to some degree. How can I navigate this time with her so that I don't lose my friendship and be sensitive to her feelings as well?


Congratulations!

You are going to have to let your friend find her own way on this issue. Your issues are your issues, her issues are her issues. You are planning your wedding, and she will have to figure out if she can be a part of it.

You're going to have to find a time and a way to ask her what's going on with her and if she can be a part of your wedding. Don't jump to any assumptions, let her figure that out for herself. Weddings often bring out strong emotions in people and she is going to have to face whatever is bugging her.

Again, congratulations and best wishes on your upcoming marriage. Everything will work out... Be there for your friend but also don't try and own her stuff. Take care of your business and everything else will be fine.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 89 (view)
 
An embarrassing secret exposed
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:36:27 AM
No picture, no name. The information is still private, remember?

************************************************

It appears that are quite a few men on this thread who say, "Never again" in the strongest of terms, but I don't recall any women saying the same thing about their partners. I wonder if there's some significance in this.


OK, I'll agree with the point about the picture and the pseudonymn, but still the OP still made the choice to disclose this information here on a public forum while she chose not to disclose it in the privacy of a relationship. That's a currious dis-junction. And, for anyone who thinks that anything posted on the internet is "private," well there's a whole body of legal decisions that say otherwise. You may "think" that it's "private," but in fact it's not.

As for the idea that it's only men who say "never" to a relationship with someone who has an acknowledged mental illness... Well, I've been in enough of these conversations of POF to see it as at least a 50-50 split. I have seen women and men both who have said things to the effect of "I would never date anyone with depression/bi-polar...ever..." If you don't believe me, go back and look at post #99...

The one thing I will also allow is the reality that personality disorders are DIFFERENT in their scope and effect on relationships. And then there's the issue of how each individual manages their illness. Often these things defy an easy or concrete statement.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 90 (view)
 
is anyone else ready to give up on here
Posted: 6/8/2012 6:38:19 PM

just wondered how long to give this site a shot? thinking of coming off it but was hoping to find a genuine partner on here and enjoy being part of a relationship again. only been on the site on and off for the past 6 months but losing faith in it now. Lots of time wasters unfortunately.


Yeah... I've pretty much given up too... Hey, wanna give up together?

Sigh! Probably not... :-)
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
is this normal or not
Posted: 6/8/2012 6:34:54 PM
Nah... It's COMPLETELY NORMAL... Sure... Yeah, right...That's the ticket...

Seriously, she's using you. I don't know about "normal," but it ain't right, whatever you want to call it.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Ok guys, am I a snob?
Posted: 6/8/2012 3:04:35 PM
I always have to laugh a little on these threads, because they are so manipulative...

OP, what exactly do you WANT here...

Are you looking for people to beat the snot out of you by saying "Well, yes, you seem like rather a big snob...". Or are you dropping the pity bait in the water hoping that everyone will rush to re-assure you that "No...No, you're not a snob... In fact you're the exact opposite... You're kind and wise and made all the best decisions... As a matter of fact, I'd decide the same thing!"

Talk about "high school"... This smacks of drama. A guy lets you know that he's interested, you decline. IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY. Beyond that, there's nothing that can be really said. He's 50 and has a roomate... Hell maybe he was lonely and decided until he meets the "woman of his dreams" he didn't want to live alone. Maybe he got downsized and had to take on a roomie because he can't afford to live alone (there is a recession on, you know). Maybe, maybe, maybe. Who the hell knows?

You want to find out, call him up. Don't "creep" his bank account...that'll get you fired besides being...well...creepy. If you want the answer, call him up and go out for coffee. Or don't. It's really up to you, no matter how anyone else feels about it.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 81 (view)
 
An embarrassing secret exposed
Posted: 6/8/2012 2:44:36 PM

I've had bi-polar since I was 25. I am now 45. I do not wish to have children. There were some posts wondering if I would have children, so I thought I'd clear that up. I have many reasons why I decided not to have children, it's my choice.
I understand how some of you feel about telling the boyfriend about my illness, but I am a very private person with my health. I wish not to make anyone worry about me and just blend in with society. I feel it gives them one less worry to think about.


TWO observations here...

First, YOU chose to reveal this on a PUBLIC FORUM... So, "...I am a very private person with my health..."??? Not buyin' it.

Second, part of being in a RELATIONSHIP is that you SHARE things with your partner. 6 1/2 years is a substantial time to be together, it's not a date or two. At some point, if the relationship was ever going to mature or sustain, you would have had to come clean on this issue.

Ask some widows whose husbands kept their heart disease "secret" from them how they felt when their husbands died suddenly and far too early because they kept their chest-pains from their wives. Ask them how they felt about their husbands keeping that little thing from them rather than admit their (percieved) weaknesses. They will likely tell you that they carried that anger and bitterness that their trusted loved one didn't share that with them and died suddenly.

If you can't share your health honestly with someone, then every relationship you ever enter will have a short life because trust and love demands honesty and openess. If YOU place that boundary that "I will never share this..." then YOU have imposed a set ending place. That's just the way life is.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 54 (view)
 
ladies who are `happily divorced`
Posted: 6/8/2012 8:12:57 AM
I dunno anymore... Maybe it's because of the way things unfolded in my own divorce but I really have NO...and I mean NOT ONE... single happy memory of my marriage anymore. I have happy memories of my kids, but all that is left of the memories of my marriage is charred remains.

I loved my ex-wife, I really did. I would have described myself as "happily" married. For the most part I loved being with her, I thought the things that our marriage wrestled with were pretty typical.

The trouble was the "her" she shared with me wasn't anything near the REAL "her." She proved to be a VERY GOOD liar, not just to me but also to our friends who were shocked when the marriage suddenly broke up and it was revealed that she was having an affair. Looking back, I cannot find a single memory that isn't tainted "post hoc" by the end of the story. I don't think she ever "loved" me... she used me and then threw me away. That's just the hard and fast bottom line truth of the situation.

I am still grieving and on any given day you will find me at some level of peace about my marriage. But the hard part is that it was all a lie, it was all a fiction.

I quite literally would prefer to lose limbs rather than go through that again... I'm not exactly "happily" divorced, but...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 67 (view)
 
An embarrassing secret exposed
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:48:50 AM

How do you mean that? "

I did a Google Search, and asked the exact question " How do Antidepressants change your personality" I did not add a quetion mark.

I clicked on

Antidepressants change personality, study suggests - CNN.com ( below this entry appears ) :
www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/.../antidepressant.personality.changes


There are other links, which appeared as a result of my exact same question, on the same page of results. Many of the shown results of my exact question, apply to the effect of antidepressants, on human personality.

Happy Searching, and Learning, to any and all who are interested : )

And to repeat my response to the OP :

Anti depressants alter, or suppress one's personality. To each his or her own, about dating somenone who is on them, and will be on them for a long time. Having a Mental Disorder SHOULD be disclosed, at the right time, to someone who might likely become that person's potential dating partner, or Romantic Interest. That person of interest has a need to know, and make the decision for themself.

Lying by omission is lying. And it's a Mission.


Yes... A lie of omission is every bit as bad as a lie of comission. They are both falsehoods and as such they need to be avoided.

There are TWO very powerful currents out there when it comes to psychiatric medicine. The first current is pushed by "Big Pharma" and sees the consumer as a market to be exploited. All those drug commercials...everything from ED drugs to bladder drugs to Cholesterol drugs to anti-depressant drugs... make you feel like if you aren't taking twenty pills you aren't somehow fully realized. But the second powerful current out there is the anti-drug lobby...Scientology and various Christian sects...who argue that ALL psyciatric drugs are oppressive and harmful. Some of it is really scary and I have run into people on these forums who have flat out told me that if you take an anti-depressant you are killing yourself, are not strong enough to face life on your own, and are generally unworthy of being regarded.

I KNOW what life is like when I am not taking my SSRI. I KNOW what life is like when I AM taking my medicine. I will never argue that it's a panacea or that everyone should be popping a pill. It is not magic and, like any medicine they have side-effects. But I know what life is like without them and I choose the other.

My affect is better because I can enjoy life. I don't think my personality has changed through the medicine though, like I said, I can be a happier person when I am taking my medicine which, I imagine, allows me to be more pleasant to be around. My personality has changed because I invested a heckuva lot of hard personal work in the process.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 65 (view)
 
An embarrassing secret exposed
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:37:04 AM
I agree that "honesty is the best policy," but you also have to be aware that the stigma that mental health issues carry with them. Ironically, someone who has been diagnosed, is in treatment, and is aware of their issues is undoubtably a MUCH BETTER partner than someone who is in denial, undiagnosed, is incompliant with treatment, or is hiding their condition. But the price you pay for admitting your issues is that a large segment of the population will immeadately write you off as "damaged goods," or "defective" without ever bothering to find out anything more about it.

I am not embarassed about my depression. It is like diabetes or a cardiac condition. It must be managed. I have to pay attention to my mood like some have to pay attention to their blood sugar. I have to pay attention to "how" and "what" I am thinking because "how" and "what" I am thinking can be deliterious to my condition. I have to take my medicine to help keep me level.

My ex-wife dumped me when I was in my worst place. Hell, I think she purposefully drove me there with the hopes that I would kill myself and rid her of her problem (me). She used my depression as the cudgel to beat me over the head and to prove herself "righteous" in the divorce. (As one mutual friend said to me, "In her opinion, you HAVE problems and you ARE the problem...") She never owned any of the fault in the marriage, my condition was a convienent scapegoat.

My only point is who and how you share this information with is kind of important. I would NOT drop it out there on a first date. But I agree, six years is way too long. I don't think there's a "hard-and-fast rule," but when a relationship begins to transition from "a couple of dates" to "steady" is the time where something like this needs to be broached.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 57 (view)
 
An embarrassing secret exposed
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:19:44 PM

Anti depressants alter, or suppress one's personality. To each his or her own, about dating somenone who is on them, and will be on them for a long time. Having a Mental Disorder SHOULD be disclosed, at the right time, to someone who might likely become that person's potential dating partner, or Romantic Interest. That person of interest has a need to know, and make the decision for themself.


Actually, anti-depressants alter "mood." Not that mood and personality aren't related, but far too many people (in my experience) "think" they understand what anti-depressants and mood stabilizer drugs are and how they effect people.

I take an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) as an anti-depressant. (FYI, I suffer from mono-polar, chronic depression.) The way it works *FOR ME* is that it lessens the chronic sadness I feel. Without it, life is like an old "black-and-white" TV set. With it, life is more like a color TV set...I can suddenly see various shades of color beyond the dark tones I usually abide in.

Does that alter my "personality"? Yeah, I guess in a way.... I am certainly happier and can be more optimistic than before. But on the other hand, I also think I'm largely the same, pretty-good-man I was before but it can be seen better now.

What has "altered" my personality is the massive ammount of personal work I had to put in through group and individual therapy... But that was hard-earned.

But even so, I still need to take my meds, lest the depression overtake me. It's always there in the background.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:04:57 PM
Run.

Far away... Very quickly...

Run, do not walk, to the exit. Get a GREAT attorney and get the HELL out now...

That's my advice.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 42 (view)
 
ladies who are `happily divorced`
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:00:45 PM
It's really pretty simple, actually...
"marriage"=MISERY

"divorce"= HAPPINESS

Got it?
Get it?
Good.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Fencing accident
Posted: 5/29/2012 12:39:12 PM
Is it me or do the words "Fencing" and "Accident" just seem to want to go together...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 49 (view)
 
My ex, the new girlfriend and our kids, advice please
Posted: 5/29/2012 6:48:38 AM
Not sure where people are "berating" the OP, here...

As I reread the OP, here's the part that jumped out at me:

Now he's working on me to try to get them to meet her. I have never interfered in his private life and I don't feel it's fair for him to ask me to do it now.


Not wanting to "berate" or even be critical of the OP, but this is where the boundary lies. If her ex wants to somehow introduce his new "squeeze" to his kids, that's HIS business, not hers. And it is completely appropriate to say to him "That's none of my business, you'll have to take it up with them..."

Part of the marital relationship is to "back up" a spouse. That relationship no longer exists. The OP has no obligation to "back up" or support her ex-husband. I'm not saying that she should "cut him down" either. Just stay out of it all together.

Be there for your children who are going through the hell of this situation. Be there and listen to what they are going through. If they ask, you can decide what you are going to say and how you'll say it. (I think honesty, tempered with charity is always the best policy...) But on the whole, I say this is not really any of your concern and I would try and think of how to say that to your ex-husband.

And yes, I know that by reading this thread most of this has been resolved to some extent or another. But it is always a good lesson. And I say this as a guy who wrestles with my own boundaries with my ex.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 42 (view)
 
My ex, the new girlfriend and our kids, advice please
Posted: 5/28/2012 3:41:17 PM

Would it really be that difficult for you to ask the kids to do their dad a favor and meet his new woman?
Excluding the 12 year old, they sound a little bratty.
Would it kill them to spend 2 hours together over dinner?


I'd stay clear of this one. 17 and 24 year olds are able to figure out which parent they want to be with and why. In West Virginia, the "age of decision" is 14, where a child can void out the court ordered "parenting plan" and decide which parent they will reside with and even set the days and conditions for visitation.

Your ex is precisely that...your EX! You no longer have any obligation to support or care about him any longer. Your ONLY priority is YOUR KIDS. And at some point, part of the parenting task is to allow your kids to make appropriate decisions.

Let them figure this one out with their father. Stay out of it...waaaaayyyy out of it. If your kids ask your oppinion, then fine. But if they aren't asking, then let them speak for themselves. As for your ex, tell him it's none of your business and he'll have to take it up with them.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Depressed Men.....
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:27:02 AM

My question is....do you feel that there are more men out there who are depressed than there used to be? Or do I need to find out what it is about me that is attracting them, and readjust my "picker"?


Step 1... Take responsibility for yourself. "These men" are NOT "finding you," YOU are finding THEM.

Step 2... Figure out WHY you are finding them. What exactly, are you looking for. Where, for lack of a better term, are you "fishing," that puts you into contact with this type of man?

Step 3... CHANGE something about yourself. One good, functional description of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Schizophrenic Sister
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:26:20 PM
Schizophrenia IS NOT a "genetic disorder." It tends to run in families, but it doesn't follow a simple pattern. There are those who suffer with schizophrenia who have no discernable family history, there are those who come from families with a pronounced history who will never suffer from it.

What induces a break is not clear. Often schizophrenia will manifest itself in early adulthood and so some say that it has a hormonal component that has some link to the end of puberty. Because it tends to manifest in the rough age when people are usually going to college or establishing their adult lives, often it is attributed to stress. Certainly stressors can trigger psychosis and exacerbate other symptoms.

Genuine schizophrenia is not "curable," but is "managable" with medications. BUT YOU NEED TO GET A DIAGNOSIS. There are several other disorders that can mimic, or share symptoms with schizophrenia. Schizo-affective disorder can sometimes "look" like schizophrenia, sometimes OCD can look like schizophrenia, any type of psychosis can "look" like schizophrenia. The diagnostic criteria are very specific and require a TRAINED PROFESSIONAL to make the differential diagnosis.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OP...You need to take responsibility for yourself and let others handle themselves. In the end, what...and WHO...you will be is in your hands and your hands alone. You can be mad at, or blame, others but all that stuff is completely outside your control. Take responsibility for yourself and how you will be.

Let go of the other stuff...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/17/2012 11:58:55 AM

Would you re-marry a spouse you have divorced? I have two friends who have done that!
The best quip after that happened was "Does that mean you get your money back?".


I know it happens... I have known a couple who successfully done this...

BUT,

My rule of thumb is "Your 'ex' is an 'ex' for a reason..." I think its a romantic notion of renewing/redoing/redeeming a "lost" cause, but generally speaking it's a bad one.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Shaving
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:36:11 PM

Just trying to cover the bases here!


I don't know where the smiley's went, but that's pretty darn funny right there...
LOL!
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:11:32 PM

Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced mans dream!


Cap_n_mORGAN, I guess YMMV... Personally, I always thought dating pretty much sucked. As a 40+ guy, I think dating REALLY sucks...

Being a divorced man has been a dream, alright... a friggin' nightmare. I pretty much hate it.

But then again, I've never been one of those "love em', **** em', and leave em'" type of guys. The heart and soul are heavy things to mess around with. Just one man's thoughts.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Schizophrenic Sister
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:15:41 AM
Schizophrenia is a bone-fide medical condition...

It CAN be exacerbated by stress. But it CAN NOT be "contracted," or caused by living with someone who has it. WHAT CAN HAPPEN is that it produces stress in others who live in the situation, which causes all sorts of adaptive and psycho-somatic issues in those who have to live with someone with schizophrenia. (Meaning that because YOU have to deal with the symptoms of schizophrenia, you can suffer from chronic anxiety, depression, ulcers, etc...)

Schizophrenia commonly runs in families, so as one member of the family is diagnosed, what frequently happens is people begin "connecting the dots" and realize that "Crazy Aunt Betty" (with the 70 cats) probably was undiagnosed but suffered with schizophrenia, and that second cousin who disappeared from the family stories when he reached college was probably suffering with schizophrenia, etc... AN appropriate response to this is to become compassionate towards those who suffer from schizophrenia since you realize that they are family.

People with schizophrenia are unable to excercise rational decission making when they are delusional since their perception of the world is so...warped. Many times they are aware that their perceptions are warped, but are unable to tell what is "real" and what isn't. It is a terrible condition. Schizophrenia has NOTHING to do with intelligence; some extremely brilliant people suffer with schizophrenia. Those suffering with schizophrenia often endure hallucinations (visual, auditory, and "touch"), distorted thinking, delusions of gradiosity, and sometimes paranoia. It is extremely important to remember that they REALLY are experiencing reality they way they say that they are... IT IS NOT AN ACT. So if they say that they are afraid, they really ARE afraid. If they say that they are in pain, they really ARE in pain. Too many times people laugh it off, not realizing that for the one suffering, it is REAL.

Schizophrenia can be managed with medication, though it is extremely difficult. The relapse rate is somewhere between 85-90% because when the person suffering with schizophrenia takes their meds and regains lucidity, they "feel" normal and that can cause them to deny their illness and lead to them not taking their meds. Then they relapse...usually gradually...until they reach a point where their behavior becomes so unmanagable that they are committed and the cycle starts over again. Additionally, many do NOT even get the help they need since, from THEIR PERSPECTIVE, their world (however painful) is REAL and hence, trying to convince them to "get help" is like trying to convince someone that the sun rises in the west. Usually they have to be compelled to get help.

Those suffering with schizophrenia need to be treated with compassion. They really are in pain, they really are trying to make sense of a world which, to them, makes no sense. Imagine trying to navigate your day wearing glasses that distort everything you see, wearing headphones that whisper things in your ears along with the "real" voices and distorting the real things you are hearing... It's a living nightmare.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 9:46:17 AM
Would I remarry???

Maybe... If I ever got to the point of "cohabitation," yeah, I'd take the marriage route.

When I married, I too took the vow for the rest of my life. I got hurt...bad. Little did I know that my ex-wife "meant the words when she said them" but quickly decided that she didn't really like them; one affair that I am sure of and suspicion of others. I was "disposable." (sigh!)

But I have come to grips with that reality and refuse to let her dictate my future. So, yeah, I'd definitely consider marriage.

The problem is, in the two years following the divorce, I have found that I don't really desire ANY relationships... Yeah, I got on this site because I thought maybe I did, and yes I get lonely sometimes, but the whole "game" side of dating has really turned me off. All the crap you have to do... Just leaves me cold. So I am really, seriously just planning the rest of my life living single.

SO, I would say that I am not really ever anticipating getting married again... But not because of the hurt of the divorce or wariness about walking down the aisle. But simply because I can't ever being in that type of relationship ever again at this point.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
its definately love but is it true or in the moment
Posted: 5/8/2012 7:38:27 AM
I've always wondered why people put crap on here and then get mad when people don't tell them what they want to hear... OP: you want us to cheer for you? Throw a party for you? Shout "Yeah, baby?" Fine. Whatever.

Many of us are on these forums because we've been around the block a couple of times and have seen the joys and the sorrows of love. You wanted to know if anyone had experienced anything like your "love" that hits you "out of left field"? Ummm... Yes. And we have tried to tell you that often...usually...these things come fast and end even quicker, feel wonderful but leave you hurt and hung-over.

I say, in all honesty, GOOD LUCK to you. I hope happiness has found you. Hell, someone should be happy. But "Love at first sight'" is a myth. Soul-mates are made, not born. Love takes time and a helluva lot of work.

But hey... who the hell am I to rain on your parade?
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
personal growth and getting back with an ex
Posted: 5/8/2012 7:21:14 AM
There are few absolutes in life... Yes, people can grow and reconcile, but remember what I call the "Earthquake Rule":
WHERE THE EARTH HAS MOVED ONCE, IT WILL MOVE AGAIN

Remember this rule, and when the earth shakes again and your house falls down, at least you will not be caught unawares. People still choose to live in earthquake areas, and maybe they will never see "the big one" again in their life-time. BUT THE FAULT-LINE IS STILL THERE. If you choose to rebuild on the fault-line you must always know and remember it's there. Some people can do this, others go crazy with worry.

This is true with relationships as well. If you get back together with this guy, remember the Earthquake Rule. And make your choice remembering that there is a big-ass fault line and you will need to build a relationship that takes that reality into account.

The trouble is people do things predictably. After the 1908 San Francisco earthquake, the city leaders got together and consciously cleaned up every visible reminder of the quake. People moved back and put it out of their heads like it never happened. Guess what... "Where the earth moved once, it WILL move again." One response to to get the hell out of town and move someplace where the earth hasn't "moved" in a long time. Another response is to throw caution to the wind, decide you really like it there and realize that it all can come crumbling down and make yourself as ready as possible and take the risks and the consequences. But the WORST course is to close your eyes, do nothing, and then cry when the damn earth shakes.

Those are your main options... Realize the instability and move on to someone else who (at the least looks) more stable; Realize the instability and choose to live with it, taking whatever precautions you can but also taking your chances the consquences of your choice; or shut your eyes to the instability...hoping that it won't happen again...and then getting "surprised" when the earth moves under your feet again.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 5/7/2012 6:11:46 AM
LOL... I spent four wonderful years at Wartburg Seminary... About a mile or so from UD, across Dodge (US 20), back behind the CC... Big castle...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 97 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:54:00 PM
I went to school in Dubuque... My ex wife is from Omaha...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 130 (view)
 
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 2:34:25 PM


Where did she say that? She stated clearly that she wants to date a healthy stable person. She has the maturity of responsible adult to seek a relationship that doesn't already have the built-in seeds of destruction.


Science Trekker:
Actually she said, "I'm not dating to freaking mother some one to death and be a god damn doctor.
i rather not deal with that drama..."

Call me dense, but I don't see anything there about "healthy" or "stable." I saw, just judging by her own words "I'm not dating [someone] to [be] a freaking mother to some one to death and be a [explative deleted] doctor." And presumably if the person she is dating/in a LTR/married to suffers a stroke or is paralized... What, exactly?

Look you've got your opinion. I get it. Thankfully I have no interest in dating you, and presumably you have no interest in dating me. FWIW, I'm nobody's "fall back," I am not in any way defective. I do not need your charity, sympathy, or condescension. Thankfully, I don't even need your understanding.

"Behind the 8 ball so that they can't find a stable partner?" Jerk.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:23:59 AM

I'm not dating to freaking mother some one to death and be a god damn doctor.
i rather not deal with that drama...


No drama there... Nope.

Also I can't imagine being with someone who puts those terms out front... I'd guess you reject the whole idea of "for better or for worse..."

I should take your advice... I'd rather not deal with your drama.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 10:33:25 AM

What I am saying is, do not paint us all with the same brush. Because you had a bad experience with ONE person who had a mental illness does not mean we are all the same. You can meet someone with a mental illness anywhere, not just online, and not be aware of the fact that they have an illness. The point is, if you find it too difficult to manage, or they refuse to take their meds and get help, then by all means, walk away, if that's what's best for you. I do understand the "once bitten, twice shy" attitude.

People with mental illnesses are as different from each other as are those without these illnesses. Even people with the same mental illness are different from one another.

It seems a lot of people are completely missing my point....again, I will spell it out.......Do not paint us all with the same brush.....


I'd give it up, Ren-Girl... There are some people who are so set in their view that they will never hear any other POV... When I was formally diagnosed as "Major Depressive," my ex-wife's family told her (these are my ex-in-laws who I knew and celebrated holidays with for 10 years) that I literally was going to come home from the hospital and kill her and my kids with an axe. No friggin' kidding. They were ready to come all the way out to West Virginia from Nebraska and move her and the kids out of the house in the middle of January and move them (and all the furniture) out before I could be discharged (I had voluntarily committed myself) because of the boogey-man that the crazy man was gonna kill everyone in sight.

And that was with simple Depression. God forbid I had some other issues.

And before anyone says it, I was never violent towards anyone other than myself. And my in-laws damn well knew it. But they actually proposed the fact that somehow I was dangerous and a menace to everyone simply because I was now diagnosed.

The sad thing is that with the diagnosis and medication, I am far more functional now than I was before. Oh well...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Just not coping after ten years for him to leave me for my best friend of 5 years
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:03:22 PM
You are mourning the loss of a fantasy, not the real person. Sadly, the real person only fully showed himself to you at the very end.

I remember (hell, I still can't believe it sometimes) when my ex-wife announced that she was divorcing me, and then coldly announced that she was in an affair when I confronted her on it. I wondered, "Who the hell is this woman?" It couldn't be my wife...the woman I loved and would give everything for. It couldn't be her. But it was. She said some pretty horrible things in the divorce...that she hadn't been happy with me at all, that she had wanted a divorce before the first year of our marriage was even in the books.... I don't think she ever *LOVED* me...

But she hid it all very well. All my parishioners were surprised when the marriage came apart. Literally NO ONE "saw it coming," not a single person. She never shared her unhapiness with me, never gave the marriage a chance. It was a doomed enterprise from the start.

I had to wrap my head around the fact that the woman *I married*...the woman whom I thought loved me and whom I loved was almost a complete fiction. I only saw the inner, icy depths of her being as she walked out on me. I saw her true face when she laughed contemptuously at me as I pleaded with her in front of our house. I looked into her face as she laughed at me and I realized I did not know this woman...not just because I had been insensitive but also because she had never let me in before.

Anyway, I think you are grieving the loss of the dream. The real guy cheated on you and is quite correct... He is a louse. That's the real man behind the curtain.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Irretrievably broken...
Posted: 4/18/2012 2:50:55 PM
This is horrible, and like the many before me, you have my condolences.

First, never be afraid to seek the appropriate help. There are many support groups out there, and perhaps maybe even greater intervention might be needed for you to process this grief.

The task of grieving is never really done, it just assumes a different perspective as we grow and move away from the initial trauma. You will always have *some* sense of grief; love leaves a mark. What you will find is, that if you can get help dealing with all these emotions, the grief will assume a different proportion and character as time goes on.

Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a terrible thing. It is a sign that we have loved and have been loved. It is a sign that we let someone so deeply into our hearts that we will miss their presence, a sign that someone mattered so deeply to us that life is forever changed. That is the essence of what it means to be human.

If nothing else, don't let the murderers win. They have already claimed one life. Do not let them claim yours as well.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Should Guillen Be Fired?
Posted: 4/18/2012 2:13:25 PM
He went too far??? In what universe?

All he said was that he admired Fidel Castro. That is NOTHING. It's not tacky, it's not insensitive, it's not obscene.

I am a conservative. I think Guillen is an idiot, politically. But I can find NO offense in what he said, even though I disagree with it. And yes, the Marlins should be aware of their bottom-line, and yes, the Cuban-American community down in Miami are free to boycot the Marlins etc.

The irony is that the Marlins have been getting little to no fan support from the Cuban-American community up to this point (they get little to no fan support, PERIOD), so I'm not sure how ticking off a bunch of octogenarians who weren't coming out to the ball-park in the first place really hurts anything. The Cuban-Americans wield way too much power down in Miami for what they contribute.

Lose his job??? For this??? Only if the Marlins ownership is completely inept.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 66 (view)
 
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 8:14:13 PM
What I know is this:
1) You can ONLY take responsibility for yourself, you can ONLY take responsibility for your own issues... Married or not, you cannot fix anyone else but yourself nor can you be responsible for anyone else's happiness nor they yours.

2) Marriage...REAL marriage, where people bind themselves to someone else and commit to working ON THEIR OWN ISSUES with someone else is possible. Not only is it possible, it is how people are built...whether married or not...we are communal critters by nature.

3) Happiness is achieved through hard personal work...it never "falls" into our lap nor are we entitled to it. Happiness is earned, it is not a right.

4) Happiness is rare...most of the time we live somewhere short of full happiness, so enjoy the happy moments. But we earn our happiness by how we live and act in the less than happy moments of our lives.

5) Happiness is achieved when we can look outside of ourselves. Selfishness never really makes us happy, instead it leads us to almost perpetual unhappiness because we are so focussed upon ourselves what we lack becomes an obsession.

I am not a smart man, but these things I do know...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Whats it like when depression meds work?
Posted: 4/11/2012 11:30:40 AM
No... I accept that anti-depressants have health effects as well. What I accept is that for some, at least, anti-depressants are an essential part of a wholistic treatment plan, and for some of us are the difference between being deadly depressed and being able to live an effective life.

What I reject is the single-minded rejection medication along with the further stigmatization (chemical lobotomy???) of those of us who already labor under the self-righteous condemnation of those who see us as weak, flawed, and somehow unable to face life on our own.

And, for what it's worth, I would never advance the proposition that "all" people should be taking anti-depressants. I do, under the supervision of a doctor. It is not a "magic pill," I have never said it is. But I know this... It is no "placebo effect" for me. I have tried therapy without medication and therapy with medication. The medication makes a decided difference...for me.

As to you... Well, hell, I have nothing to defend to you. But it's a damn shame that people who could benefit from medication don't because of the single-minded opposition of those who would make those who could benefit from them feel worse and scare them away from the legitimate help they could need.

But there's no real point in arguing with a zealot, and I'm certainly not going to argue more with you.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 60 (view)
 
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 5:45:04 AM
I'm not sure that I agree with the notion that "most" marriages were "empty" and "unhappy," but stayed together because "they had to..." and so the higher divorce rates are just a reflection of "options."

Several years back, a clinical research study was done on happiness and the ammount of options someone had available. This was NOT a study on marriage/relationships. The findings were counter-intuitive; the "more" options people reported they had, the "less" happy they reported being. So, for example, the authors commented, you go to the grocery store and you are confronted with 50 brands of pasta, all with different prices, packaging, names, etc. Those who reported that they bought a specific brand, regardless of price, competition, etc... just because it was "their" brand of pasta, reported a higher level of generalized happiness as to those who went to the store, spent lots of time evaluating "all their choices" and trying to "make the most" of their choices. This is corrolation, not causality, but the corrolation was overwhelming. The "more" choices someone had or gave themselves the "less" they reported their own happiness.

The authors of the study did venture to extend their findings to marriage/relationships. Those who committed themselves to a "LTR/marriage" had a strong corrolation with happiness, while those who gave themselves "options" reportedly were less happy. The researchers posited that when you are constantly second guessing something...anything... you become less happy, whereas when you are committed to something and therefore are not second guessing "your options," you tend to be happier and work harder at being happy. Their own advice on relationships were, it you want to be happy in your marriage, don't always be looking at the door wondering if you would be happier somewhere else.

Just looking at my own parrents marriage, my parents did have HARD times, times when they were not happy with themselves or each other, but they did not constantly wonder if they would be happy with someone else. I know of one moment where my mother issued an ultimatum to my father that either the relationship would change or she was going to see an attorney. But they were committed to the marriage, their family, and each other and they made it work. And this was in the 80's when divorce was pretty well accepted. (My sister once opined that she was being cheated by my mom and dad staying together since it limited her pool of Christmas and birthday presents...)

Point is, I think marriages of old were actually HAPPIER (on the whole) and MORE LOVING because couples had fewer options. As one of my parishioners told me "We agreed that murder was an option, divorce wasn't... So we hung in there and worked through stuff." (She was kidding about the murder thing...)

I am divorced. I hate it. I wish my ex-wife would've helped me to address my issues that I had to end up addressing anyways. In fact, I found out from her later, she only GOT married because she knew she could always get divorced later...with child support, spousal support, half of my 401k, and all they sympathy that comes to women (not men)... In short, she never loved me... she used me. She got her wedding when all her friends were getting married. She got her kids. She got her financial coverage. I got??? Dumped, hurt, used, discarded.

Lovely. I just love this culture.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Whats it like when depression meds work?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:54:17 PM
Gee... I wonder how many people suffering with depression will end up taking their lives precisely because the fear and the stigma of all this crap? Not to mention the fact that much of the anti-medication agenda is driven by the Church of Scientology.

It is interesting that nobody seems to have nearly the paranoia nor the venom about the push to have mass ammounts of people taking anti-cholestoral drugs (statins) that can produce massive liver damage, blood pressure medications, or drugs to increase sexual functioning...

Look, the question was "what is it like when anti-depressants work." When administered carefully, they are a life-saver.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/7/2012 5:44:23 AM
LOL...

I wouldn't say "we're screwed" but you hit on a real point... In our culture people-and relationships-are disposable commodities. Our culture treats people as a means-to-an-end, so if someone has ceased to amuse you or if a relationship gets a little tough (or a lot tough) just wad them up and toss-it-away.

Again, that's why I say very few people actually practice "marriage" even if they are "married." In truth most people do not practice marriage, but some sort of temporary relationship that is just looking to end.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 46 (view)
 
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/6/2012 1:05:39 PM
Also consider the fact that, according to the Pew Forum, fewer and fewer people are actually getting married at all, so the number of divorces may well be going down but the percentage of marriages ending in divorce may well be going up (10 is only a third of 30, but 10 is "half" of 20, and 10 is 2/3 of 15...).

I happen to agree with CS Lewis who opined that most people who "casually" marry are doing it only for outward appearances and probably should drop the pretense and not be married in the first place. At least it's honest. Most people in our culture do not really practice marriage at all, but just serial monogamy...

I've pretty well given up on marriage at this point and think I'm going to opt for singleness. It is ultimately less painful to die alone than to try and be vulnerable with other people.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 247 (view)
 
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:55:21 PM

Well ... In my grief over being sacked, I would most likely be desperate and not too picky.

I guess I would just reach out and touch the nearest hunka burning love!


So, does getting the "post-next-door" to yours qualify as being the "nearest hunka burning love"???

(I can't find the darn smiley's right now, but I would have put the ROFL one up... )
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What's wrong with my profile?!?
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:05:45 AM
Oh... And you might want to do the "Chemistry" quiz... I have heard from a few women who actually look at that little thing to see what it says. The "Needs" quiz doesn't seem nearly as important, the the "Chemistry" one seems to get looked at.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What's wrong with my profile?!?
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:01:39 AM
Realize that the "send-to-respond" ratio for men on POF seems to be between 10:1 and 20:1. Seriously.

If you hang around the forums enough you will hear this over and over and over again. And the same complaints come from all sorts of men of varying ages, so I think it's pretty darn standard.

There are a couple of reasons for it:
1) Women tend to get bombarded with all sorts of messages from some pretty creepy guys and so they (or at least they report that they) sometimes don't always read all of them or respond to all of them because of the sheer investment of time and emotion.

2) Some women have been been pretty badly hurt and so are a little jaded and may not respond to messages...especially if they come on a little strong... because they are afraid of being hurt again. (Even though they are on a "dating" site, it's still a little scary when someone actually approaches you...)

3) Some women are here, not to "date", but to "be out there" (either to satisfy family or friends, or for fear of missing "Mr. Right" even though they are not ready or looking to date) or merely to be part of the forums.

So buck up there, camper! All you can do is keep trying your best. But realize the problem is not unique to you and might not actually be you at all.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 219 (view)
 
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:24:21 AM

Why not dispose of a relationship if ones not happy.Very seldom do people change who they are as a person to conform to anothers liking and i wouldn't agree with it if they did.Some people are just not meant to be together.Unfortunately,in many circumstances both parties don't realize this until they are in to deep.And i don't care what anyone says a shrink isn't gonna fix that.Why go thru years of crap and unhappiness when we can walk away and find what makes us happy?It makes no sense!My ex and i went to counseling and all that nonsense.Worked on things forever and i still wasn't happy.A month after i left her i woke up and said to myself why did i not do this long ago.Lifes to short!


Why not dispose of a relationship, if one's not happy? Let's see:
1) because we're talking about PEOPLE here not cars, shoes, or some other commodity.
2) because, generally speaking, we are responsible for our own happiness, not someone else.
3) because if you're not happy, simply moving to another relationship is not magically going to make you happy.

People are not put on earth to amuse or entertain you. You want something to amuse or entertain you, go get a dog, or some fish, or a nice plant.

Besides, this discussion isn't really about "disposing" of a relationship, no matter how much that makes me shudder. It's about whether or not to forgive a person who cheats.

I'll leave it at this: obviously you and I have very different ideas about what the purpose of relationships are. I wish you luck in "finding what will make you happy."
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do I look? How can I improve my profile?
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:15:13 AM
First, Lionessx is the "gold standard" of these things, so listen to her.

Second, any time these threads start out by asking the question "Am I ugly?" it usually is a beg for everyone to go "No, no you're not ugly." Be confident in yourself. And barring that, don't give others a "free shot" at you.

The ONLY thing I will offer regarding your picture is simply this... LOSE THE HAT. At least for your primary photo. The current photo you've got up is pretty good except the hat. The problem with the hat is that it dominates the photo, drawing the eye off your face and to the hat.

No, you're not ugly. Show your face off.
 
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