Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: (Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 80 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/20/2011 4:24:43 PM
[Well, it's probably not as specific as "Motorcycles" ... many women in their "maturing years" have spent their lives ... well .... being "Mature." Therefore they feel (rightly so) that they have missed out on some excitement. Also, their sense of mortality is increased by the approaching loss of breeding ability. Women want some adventure and they are less physically able (as are men at that age) to do things like climb cliffs and things of that nature. ]
Are you kidding me? I did not know that I got my first bike at age 40 that it was from a sense of mortality because I was experiencing a breeding loss. What? Less physically able to do things? I admire you for attempting to address the reason we women ride over the age of 45 but that probably is not the reason. Riding a horse bareback as a kid and galloping her in the fields was exciting. Falling off said horse at a gallop was a rush, too. Never broke a bone in my body, just dusted myself off and got back on as she stood there munching grass like nothing happened.
Most of the women I have met since I started riding my own bike have a different reason for riding. Not all have put the bikes away during their child bearing years, either. So, with that said, we all have our own reasons for riding our bikes, scooters, cruisers, sport bikes, dirt bikes or even race cars. By the way, I do my own roofing on my house, shingles and the roof felt up and down ladders. I also lift sheets of 3/4 inch plywood and 1/2 drywall with ease. I do weight lift some still but not as much as when I was in my 30s and 40s. I don't want to be overly muscular anymore. My sisters in the wind all love to ride for whatever reason, I applaud all of them.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 74 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:37:38 PM
Wow, did many of you actually read the subject matter for this forum? Way off the subject, he was asking if older women over 45 really love motorcycles. Then a bunch of people jump on the "it is dangerous" speeches.
I have it on my profile because I am seeking a man who also rides his own bike, so we can ride to destinations together and grow closer and have at least one thing in common.
There are MANY women who ride their own where I live and near by states.
We are not asking for anyone's approval. I earned my M on my license and am proud of it. More deaths near where I live have been kids under 27 who die in car or truck crashes and who are ejected because they do not wear seat belts- a state law.
In one month we had over 6 killed in separate accidents, speed and back roads the contributing factors plus their age and not being cautious.
If you don't like bikers, then do not contact those of us who are, it is that simple. I don't preach to snowmobilers, off-roaders, or parachutists even though I don't do any of those activities. To each her or his own.
I am over 45 and proud of my accomplishments in life and love to ride my bike to and from work and on long trips. Most hotels and motels welcome us and help us find places to eat and visit while in their towns. They know we spend money when we travel.
JMO
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/7/2011 6:11:37 PM
smokin- you may be looking in the wrong places. We women riders are everywhere. We are international and all across the US. Most of us who actually ride our own will say just that. The ones who like to ride on the back will usually say they like bikes but will not say they ride on front.
There are still a surprising number of men who think women do not belong on their own bikes. They need to go back to their caves and fires. More women take the safety courses and are more careful riders. We don't do wheelies on the highway or race each other to prove how daring we are. We ride to enjoy the ride and the friends who ride.
I am proud to have my bike on my profile. I earned the right to have it there, I took the courses and stay in touch with reality when I ride. I do not use drugs or drink when riding anything. I prefer to enjoy the scent of flowers in the summer and the grapes in the Fall.
I hope you find that biker babe in your area.
 kat4evr
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 259 (view)
 
Motorcycles and Baby Boomers
Posted: 9/4/2011 4:33:50 PM
I don't think men in our age group are addicted to Harleys, I know a lot of men who ride other bikes. BMW, Honda, Suzuki, Yamaha, Moto Guzi, CanAm (trike), Boss Hoss (car engine) and others. It is not a hobby for a lot of us, I use my bike to ride back and forth to work as many months as I can. I love to ride, I took two safety classes the beginner to get my license and the advanced to learn how to handle my beast better and it paid off for me many times. I rode over a dead groundhog one night, and did not drop the bike or cause any issues, I learned how to do it. ( I came on it on a curve, too late to swerve)
I own three helmets and while I cannot wear all of them at the same time, I wear one of them when I ride, I take a spare on a long road trip.
Yes, I have gotten drenched in a rain shower, got frost on my knees, sunburned but I would not give it up for love or money. One of my friends told me that I am a true biker. I smiled and said thanks for the compliment. I do not drink and ride, you have to have your wits about you at all times. I smile the minute the engine comes to life and I steer down the road.
My younger daughter loves Mom on a bike, I gave up riding until she was old enough to understand my need to ride, now she house sits for me when I go on my trips.
Maybe when I am in my 70's I will ride a trike, or maybe not.
 kat4evr
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/4/2011 4:12:36 PM
I own my own bike. A 2004 Honda VTX 1300cc and have logged over 35000 miles on it since I bought it from a man in Conneaut Lake, Pa. I love my bike, it is on my profile page and I have said many times that I am looking for a man to ride with me. The last one turned out to be married, although his profile said divorced then he said separated then he "fessed" up when we rode with a group into Ohio. He is still married and moved back in with her but wanted to ride with me. Yeah, okay, not.
There are a ton of women who ride, Women on Wheels, Motor Maids and Women in the Wind are the groups I know about.
You cannot get me on the back of a bike anymore, I will cry and sob for miles if you try. LOL
And most women riders that I know do not like to go to bars when riding, they do not drink alcohol and ride. Just a clue maybe where to find them.
My trips were to St. Louis Missouri, Upper Peninsula of Michigan and Stratton, Vermont.
There are many of us long distance women riders, we are usually too busy riding. : )
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
SUGGESTION: Mapping distances between users - and various others
Posted: 9/4/2011 3:47:30 PM
I don't understand how POF determines the 50 mile mark, etc. as to distance. I have been matched with men who are on the other side of the state and Pennsylvania is very wide. I usually say 50 miles or less for finding someone. Sometimes POF sends me men from Canada, and I know it is about 3 hours' drive from my house, not 50 miles. It seems a waste of time to include those who are too far away.
Can you tweak the mileage part of it, using my zip code?
Thanks.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/2/2011 3:21:37 AM
It is not immoral for an older woman to date a younger man. Maybe he was just upset that he may have to compete with a much younger man for your affections? Who knows. I have dated much younger men and had a blast. Some people are too quick to judge others.
You live life once, so live it your way.
There are still men who think that women are not equal to them in any way. Don't sweat the small stuff and don't let one person's view taint any others.
Good luck out there and keep doing what you want to do. I am so jealous you got to Alaska. It looks great up there.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:40:14 AM
Some guys do send mixed messages. For what ever reasons. Not one person fits a perfect spot or can be pigeonholed as to one type or other.
Men want us to be direct, they are not always direct with women. Just a perception on my part.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 178 (view)
 
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/24/2011 5:18:24 PM
snowangel,
Please call the local shelter for abused women, they will find you a place, do not contact him, do not tell anyone where you are going until you can figure out who you can trust. Too many women have been killed in your situation. I cannot say this any stronger to you. GET OUT AND GET HELP. There are groups, church and others who will help you. Things are to the point where your children are also in danger. GET OUT!!!
You do not need money, take your ID and any other papers you can to show his income and get out of the house. You do not need to pack much. Take what you need for a couple of days and get to a shelter.
You are not a wetback your kids are in danger of learning the wrong lessons from this. They need to feel safe and secure not scared.
There should be a toll free number for you to call locally that can help you. They may even have someone who can pick you up. I fear for you.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/21/2011 4:09:45 PM
Ain't....I get it, trust me I get it. I just wanted to give him some time when he got back from his trip to golf to say something. It did not happen. Nothing, just a sentence or two " hi, how was your week? did you ride today? I hope you have a great week at work".....that is it. I have given him time to take the initiative and nothing. So, my initiative is what I did today.
Long term relationship is what...we both have it on our profiles. We talked about his divorce and his life and his work at the mixer and about me and my house, dogs, work and kids. (they are grown and gone now)
I do know some men don't want to tell a woman he is not interested and that he is just being nice and emailing her.
I like being nice and having a nice man around, but, if it is not going anywhere, I would rather just cut bait and move on. He does not ask questions outside of the ones I stated above, nothing personal , nothing that would let him know more about me. So, I get the notion that he is just killing time and is not interested in dating me or dancing with me again.
so, thanks for the insight you have, it just isn't happening for me like this. I will wait for his response.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/21/2011 12:27:57 PM
GLWT,
That is the difference between us. You and I see differently, I know he says he is shy, but if he is interested, he will have asked me out. I am assertive but if it is not his idea, it will not go further than that.
I have asked men out before, and they did not stay , the role reversal did not work. You and I are in different age categories too. Men my age are used to being the leader.
If all I wanted was a one night stand, that is one thing, but I am not interested in that. I am interested in long term relationship not a one nighter.
Booty call is not in my vocab now. I want someone to share life with and all the ups and downs.
We shall see if he does anything or not. If not, then he was not meant for me. He is not that shy that he did not dance with me, talk with me or hug me in the parking lot while the fireworks went off at the ballpark that night.
Shy is one thing, not interested is another. I want to know which one it is.
Kate
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/21/2011 12:15:29 PM
After reading some of the posts, let me tell you more about my ex-husband- the manipulator/narcissist. He is good looking can be suave and amorous, knows how to earn your love by flowers, candy, compliments, dinner, and anything that you like. He was not a bad boy, I am not attracted to them (yes, I am a biker but not a bad biker ). I have many men friends but he was so nice, considerate, thoughtful and kind that I fell for him.
He knows how to play a woman, believe me. He is good, really good. He is still playing his daughter (his only child) and she is getting married next year and he will not return her calls or texts as to whether or not he will walk he down the aisle. Afterall, he is not in charge of the wedding and the reception so he is not sure how to answer so he won't. I want so much to shake him and say this is not how you treat your daughter but it is all he knows and he wants full control.
So, I stand next to her, not saying what is on my mind and try to support her and her decisions, when I really want to say , tell him to F off and just walk down the aisle by your self or I will gladly walk you down the aisle. In the meantime I cry for her. He won't change, and he will eventually hurt her and then her future husband will step in and take care of the situation and tell her father he is not wanted.
So, do not be quick to judge if you have not been here. It is a situation I would not wish on my worst enemy. I am still living the life of having to deal with him, only now from a distance. No more hitting, no more threats, no more abusive talk, no more protection from abuse, no more violence toward me, but now it is his potential mental abuse and controlling of our daughter and her wedding that is on my mind.
So, sit in your easy chair and realize that this is not made up, it does happen and I am one of the ones it has and continues to affect.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:54:41 AM
I just sent an email to a guy I met at a mixer some time ago, we have been messaging each other for weeks and he has not once asked me out. Just emails. So, today I sent him an email asking him if he is interested then why has he not asked me out on a date? I do not beat around the bush, and do not play games. So, I need to know if he is interested or not, I do not want a "pen pal", I write enough in my job and in my two books I am presently writing, let alone trying to figure out if he is interested or not.
I still believe in the man asking the woman out if he is interested. At least the first date.
So, we shall see what his answer is. (patiently waiting)
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/21/2011 7:03:34 AM
Read my message #88, it clearly states the "symptoms" or actions to be aware of in a relationship. It came originally from a clinic that dealt with this type of personality.
I have it in my home office to read now and then. I gave it to both of my daughters and they are now in wonderful relationships.
Good luck with your dating and relationships.
 kat4evr
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Creative Writing
Posted: 8/15/2011 4:30:31 PM
Jonathan-
It was the first day of a much needed vacation as Kate maneuvered her Camaro on the highway. Her young daughter sat in the back seat for a change, she wanted to play with her dolls and it was the best place to play since the front bucket seat was too small to have them all out at one time.
Kate drove for several hours and by noon she was famished. Susie, her daughter, had fallen asleep but as soon as the car stopped she would be wide awake and hungry too. Kate searched for a place to eat and found a nice small town diner. As soon as she stopped the car, her daughter's eyes opened and she moaned, "Mom, I am hungry, where are we?".
"We are at a diner and we are going to have lunch as soon as we get washed and refreshed in the rest room". They both exited the car and trudged up the steps into the diner.
They found the rest room, and emerged fresh and ready to eat.
They sat in a booth so they could watch traffic in the sleepy little town and had a great lunch and even had dessert. After the long drive, they felt like they may not eat again for another long stretch of highway. They chatted as Kate drove toward the shore, they were heading south and toward Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. It was one of Kate's favorite places to go and they were going to camp at a campground near the beach.
They arrived in Virginia Beach just as the sun was low in the western sky. They were hungry again and Kate started to look for another place to eat dinner. As she drove through town, she noticed the traffic was going very slow in front of her. She could see water on the street ahead of her and before she knew it, she had to drive her car over a fire hose that stretched across the street, she slowly drove over it and all of a sudden she heard a loud sound, Her muffler was no longer attached to her exhaust pipe. She groaned and turned into a parking lot right away. She did not want to take a chance on catching the now separated pipe on anything else. She sat in the car for a moment and then grabbed one of her beach towels and laid it on the pavement so she could look under the car. Sure enough, the pipe was pulled away from the muffler. Darn!!! Now they were stuck until the pipe and muffler cooled down enough for her to get out her tool box and fix it. Just as she was coming back out from under the car, she saw two feet standing next to the car. A male voice said "Hey, pal, you can't park here or work on your car, this is a restaurant parking lot , not a garage". She replied" I am not a pal or a guy, and my damned car has a broken pipe and it is the first day of my vacation, I am hungry, tired and in no mood for some jerk who has a power trip going".
She got out from under the car and stood up, and looked the owner of the voice in the eyes and put her hands on her hips. He started to laugh. She thought he was laughing at her, but, he quickly stated that he was not laughing at her but at his assumption that the legs he saw under the car were a man's. She glared at him and said "Listen, I have to get my car fixed before I leave your lot, I am waiting for the pipes to cool down. Is that okay with you?" He laughed again and said" I'll tell you what, I will have one of my employees take your Camaro around back and see if he can fix it for you if you and your little girl will have dinner on me". Kate looked at her daughter , looked at her car and looked at her already dirty hands and thought, why not? She said" Okay, but I am not going to order an expensive meal." He laughed again, "You are unique and unusual and I like you. Order whatever you want. No strings".
They entered the restaurant and excused themselves to go to the rest room so Kate could wash her hands and try to look somewhat clean. She had dirt on the end of her nose and groaned when she saw it. "Great, I look like I fell into a grease pit. Oh, well, it is just a meal and then we will be gone."
She and Susie ordered dinner and ate quietly in the booth. By the time they were finished, the man returned to their table. "Your Camaro is back in one piece and you are ready to go when you want to leave. I hope dinner was good?" Kate smiled and said "Yes, it was and thank you for feeding us and fixing my car". You helped turn my day into a nice one after all."
He said" I have one favor to ask of you". Kate thought, uh-oh, here it comes, what is he expecting me to do for all of this? I have money to pay for dinner and probably for the repair, it will just cut our stay shorter. "And what is the favor?" She asked. He replied "I have a daughter about your daughter's age and since you will be in town for a while , I thought maybe we could spend some time together. I am a widower and am originally from the same state, we moved here years ago and then she got sick and died when our daughter was only 6 years old. It is tough to find someone to talk to and you seem nice and down to earth, so I thought maybe you would consider exploring the area with us as your guides". Kate replied" Okay, but give me your phone number and I will call you tomorrow after we get a good night's sleep and much needed showers, okay?" He replied "Yes, here is my number, call me when you can, take your time, I know you must be exhausted after the long drive and the car needed fixed." > to be continued
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
.... but why do I attract the crazies
Posted: 8/15/2011 3:29:19 PM
Are you really looking for constructive comments?
Your photos have too many wacky aspects to them. So, you come off as a whack job. So, like wackys will contact you. Most girls/women who are really nice and vegans or not into drinking like a fish will not contact you based on your profile. They will show you to their gf and laugh. Sorry, I know my daughter would. She is 23 and some of her friends are wacky but she doesn't hang around them now that she is engaged to a really nice man who loves her. She wants a normal life with some friends but not the wacky ones.
So, if you are truly looking for normal, then advertise your normalcy.
Also, not many students I know own a very expensive sports car. I had an old Chevy Nova when I was in college, it died , so I went home and got my old Beetle to drive until I got a real job. Good luck.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I had a really good date just wanted to share!
Posted: 8/15/2011 3:21:16 PM
Thanks for sharing, I hope it works out for you and you go out again. Now, if I can find a guy like that near here and around my age, I will be set.
It is nice to hear a good story and a feel good one.
Thanks.
 kat4evr
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 122 (view)
 
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/15/2011 3:44:32 AM
Ebbie, I wish you were correct on the "rational , critically thinking women" part, but it is not true. A really good manipulator will be able to find your soft spot and work on that, either your emotions or needs and then massage them until you don't recognize them for who they really are.
I know, I went through it. I am a rational person, owned my own home when I was in my 20's and worked hard for a living and lived nicely. He came along and the charm started, seemed caring and loving for almost 2 years then, when we married, his true self came out. Boy, did it come out.
No one here has the same story, no one is an expert, we are just trying to help others to be careful and not fall into this type of trap. I know of a woman who was killed by her "loving" husband and buried in the basement of their beautiful home, he did get caught because of her close friends and family. The police also found out he had abused his first and second wives but did not kill them.
Anyone who thinks that women "ask" for this type of treatment or men "ask" for this type of treatment is not in reality nor do they care. It is difficult to escape too, if there are children involved and the spouse has little or no money.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 3:19:30 AM
Okay, those of you who are naysayers on this subject, here is what I gave to both of my daughters from Abigail Van Buren-Dear Abby : List of warning signs gives 15 reasons to leave your lover:
1. A PUSH FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT-An abuser pressures the other person for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. JEALOUSY excessively possessive: calls constantly or visits unexpectedly;checks the mileage on your car; doesn't want you to work - you might meet someone
3. CONTROLLING-Interrogates you intensely ( especially if you are late) about whom you talked to, and where you were;keeps all the money;insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4.UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS-Expects you to be the perfect person and meet his/her every need
5.ISOLATION-Tries to cut you off from family and friends;accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble"; the abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.
6.BLAMES OTHERS FRO PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES-The boss, you- it is always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
7.MAKES EVERYONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS/HER FEELINGS-"You make me angry" instead of " I am angry".
8. HYPERSENSITIVITY-Is easily insulted, claiming that his/her feelings are hurt when he is really mad. Ranting about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
9.CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN- Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability or may tease them until they cry.
10."PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX- Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex, says he/she finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. VERBAL ABUSE-Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel , hurtful things;degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.
12.RIGID SEX ROLES-Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13.SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS- Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes
14.PAST BATTERING- Admits to hitting others in the past, but says they made him/her do it.
15.THREATS OF VIOLENCE-Makes statements like "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you" and then dismisses them with "Everybody talks that way" or " I really didn't mean it". If it has come this far, it is time for you to leave and get help.

This comes from the Project for Victims of Family Violence , Fayetteville ,Arkansas.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 284 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 8/7/2011 12:55:20 PM
Mel Gibson wants drugs to control his outbursts and abusive tendencies....oh, no that was what HIS WIFE wanted for him.....LOL
 kat4evr
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
North East PA--whats happening up this way??
Posted: 8/6/2011 3:25:11 AM
Oh, yeah, but it is not a town. it should be north east pa. not in caps. They probably have never been to the actual town, while I have been to Ephrata, Lancaster, etc. in fact, last year I was there for a conference and your convention center hotel suxs. They treated us like we were crooks, wanted our rooms paid in full the night before and locked us out of our rooms, and it was our celebratory night. We had awards and were celebrating the winners.
There were several of us who had that happen. OMG.
So, I did not have a nice memory of the other things we did and the places we saw because of it.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/5/2011 2:07:23 PM
And you just described my ex husband. But, he hid it from me until we were married. For two years he managed to not be controlling, not abusive, not threatening, not cutting me off from my family and friends. But, when it started, it was here and there until it went full blown when I became pregnant.
It took me 3 more years to get out of the relationship finally. I thank my friends for helping me and staying in touch with me to keep me safe. He refused to go to a therapist because it wasn't him, it was me. Nope, I did not call him names, cut off his friends, call him 5 times a day to find out what he was doing (at work) or the numerous other things he did.
I don't care what type of personality you call it, it is unhealthy and dangerous.
I have met some very nice men since then, who helped me realize that he was dangerous and not normal.
Good luck out there.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Victim of a Mid Life Crisis, How do you recover from it???
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:59:19 PM
Hi Blissfulllady,
You have a right to be angry, but let it go. He is not your responsibility any more. You need to separate yourself from him in every way you can, if you have children with him, they will be a connection that you cannot break. But, let him go.
Divorce is like Death, I went to counseling about mine and the counselor took all of us through the steps. Look up grieving on the internet and note the steps of emotions.
You need to go through all of them in order to move on.
He is responsible for only him and if he crashes and burns, so be it. You are NOT responsible. Cut any ties with him, can I say this any stronger to you? Yes, but I don't want to be brutal. Brits are supposed to have a stiff upper lip and deal with it, but that does not work. Make a date with your self for a spa treatment, maybe with a close girl friend, take time for a bubble bath, go for a mini holiday trip and have some fun.
You are worth it.
My mother was British and she had a hard time dealing with difficulties, but with help here in the US, she managed. I have a network of good friends who can call me for a shoulder to cry on and I on theirs. We also laugh a lot and take time for us.
You will survive this, and eventually find a nice man who appreciates you. Just let him go.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:43:23 PM
Most of the responses are correct, look for a job. Finding a woman right now should not be your priority. I was laid off for two years a long time ago and I did not date or look for anyone to date at that time. I looked for another job. I took a part time job to help supplement my unemployment and keep my bills up to date. Those were the ONLY dates I had in my mind.
I know it is tough now, but I believe it will improve. Get any free help you can about your resume, take stock of your wardrobe (clothes) and dress correctly for the job interviews, it is tough to get another job when you don't have one.
I ask a man what kind of job he has because they ask me, too. If they do not have a job and live with their parents , that is a red flag for me. In my age group, they should be working and not living with parents, they ARE the parent.
So, good luck, and search on line jobs, newspapers, local job markets, job fairs and network with people who have jobs, they may help you find one.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 278 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 8/5/2011 3:58:54 AM
Oy, are you trying to throw us off by the substative word? Should it be substantive instead?
Meaning a list of them?
I was answering scottishexile.....he sounds like he does not have a job, no home and dates women in their 20's. On his profile it does say 21 to 53, what a range of ages!
I prefer a man who does not live in a box or railroad car or his own car for that matter.
If you take most of the women's posts, you can come up with a good list.
I am blowing off my class reunion this weekend. The last one had a karaoke singing DJ who could not carry a tune in a bucket and dinner was less than acceptable and for that we paid $35 per person or $65 a couple. I just could not bring myself to going this year, sans date who could at least suffer with me or bring the ear plugs.

But then, I am sure they did not want me to come this year considering that the last one saw me leaving early to go back to my motel room and as I left, I told the hosts that it sucked. They asked why and I answered. The guy didn't even play rock and roll music, he actually played Frank Sinatra songs (what the?). I thought I was at the nursing home with my father again.
I instead, will be kayaking on the river, watching a re-enactment and spending time with my younger daughter and her fiance and about 30 other people in the group. I would like to know when we, who are over 50 became our parents and changed our music likes to the 40's and 50's music??? Nope, not happening here in my little world of Rock and the sound of loud pipes on my 1300cc motorcycle. But, have fun putting the list together and do share it with the other men......
Have a great weekend....I have some 4 x 4 x 8 fence posts to set after I dig the holes for them. Then put the stockade fence sections in place.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
date lastnight
Posted: 8/4/2011 3:59:16 PM
Thanks lovlyncozy, I just tell it like it was. He was looking for a piece and got none. His ad is just for that and she either changed her mind, told the truth or felt a little used and not up for the short evening she would have had.
I guess he did not read the facts that women don't expect a donkey.....LOL
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 275 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 8/4/2011 3:50:41 PM
Well Scot,
You are so wrong unless you are dating women who are in their 20's and early 30's. Those of us with a good job, our own home, and are comfortable in our skin do not want what you listed.
1. provide humor and be able to keep a conversation going with more than yep, uhhuh, ok
2. have a job that pays your bills, mine pays my bills
3. be a good height so we don't tower over you (most of us anyway)
4. be well groomed, if you smell, you don't come any closer, trim that beard and mustache and brush your teeth, also see the dentist
5. hair if you have it should at least be clean and trimmed to what is your style(not greasy or unkempt)
6. yep, either have them and keep them clean or have some decent false teeth, c'mon there are free clinics out there for that
7. don't be on welfare or the dole
8. I don't need a father for my girls they are gown and the second one is getting married next year, the dress is paid for, I paid for it. I am also designing the veil and will help pay for the reception
9. own your home or at least have a nice place to live in, I worked 3 jobs when I was younger and bought my first house when I was a single mom and 23 years old. If I can do it so can someone who has no children.
10. I am not the boss, I am a partner or plan to be
11. You sure don't have to shop with me, stand in the Mall concourse, stay home, I don't care, I hate shopping too, but have to buy food and other essentials.
12. Interesting, a fruity man???? huh? Nope, I love denim, leather, flannel and the smell of shoe polish. If I can clean my leathers in the kitchen or living room, and keep the carpet/floor clean, so can you. I will even help you clean the rifle since I used to hunt.

So, whoever you have been choosing to date, you must not pay attention to their profile or you want the eye candy type that is high maintenance, High maintenance equals problems if you want a "normal" down to earth woman. Quit looking at the top 10% and get over it
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 263 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 8/2/2011 4:03:18 AM
sensual...
then you and others are looking at the wrong women, but, then that is why most of us are on here, we cannot break the habit of seeking those who are not the right ones. It is so much harder to look on line than in person,but , a lot of us work jobs that constrain us in our searches. Catch 22.
I am looking for a good man, kind hearted, gentleman and I keep finding ones who are complaining about their exes, have no clue how to be a gentleman or are expecting me to be their-cook, cleaning lady, do windows, work a job and give them the money, not have a life of my own or wait by the phone for them to call me.
Ahhh, I will keep looking, and looking and looking.

 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 261 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 8/1/2011 7:43:07 PM
You know, you may not be far away with that. OyVay also seems to be heading in that direction for his friend.
I would love to find a man who is a lot like my gay friends from college, whom I lost contact with long ago. One was a great cook and could keep me laughing. He was messy in the kitchen, but I did not mind cleaning up because he cooked great food. Of course, in short time I would have been over 300 lbs , LOL
Another gay friend took me dancing one night, what a great dancer. As long as there are batteries and other gift items in some stores, that may not be too bad an idea.
Someone with fashion sense to get me to dress more fashionable and I don't know how to decorate like some of my other female friends.
I may have to change my profile.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 255 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 8/1/2011 3:31:36 AM
Pointof
That was specific to one person, and for the record, I have one cat who thinks he is a dog and four dogs, the cat is here just for his prowess in the mouse department. I stay on the point that I made that you nicely boxed up for me.

I transport dogs and cats for rescue groups who get them from people who
don't want fluffy or fido any more because of whatever reason, mostly being they are not spayed and neutered and oh, look, they bred and now we have more kitties or puppies than we can handle so let's dump them.
Most of my fur roommates are rescues. They now have a home with me and I get tons of laughter and wagging tails.

I always wonder why someone does not have their photo on their profile, hiding from view.
I am now going back to the conversation. buhbye.

 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
North East PA--whats happening up this way??
Posted: 7/31/2011 1:25:41 PM
Are there two North East, Pa.s??
The one I know is in the 164-- zip code. It is next to Erie, Pa.
I am confused.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
July Singles Mingle - The Springfield Inn, Springfield, PA 19064
Posted: 7/31/2011 1:13:27 PM
It did three times in July and June and hardly anyone from Erie attended. See Mannerchor Meet and greet, it was disappointing to say the least. I attended all three and the last one there were about 10 people when I got there at 8:30PM ( Had to arrive late) The people who came in from Ohio to put it on were disappointed and probably won't do it again, way to go Erieites.
Way to go.


 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Appropriate pix
Posted: 7/31/2011 8:33:14 AM
I can tell you part of your problem, get rid of the pics with the other people, the naked woman doll and the one showing your breasts. You come across as fast and loose yet you don't want intimate encounters.
Okay, you are edgy, but you are on the border of too illegal for POF guidelines.
Just a helpful critique.

Not a moderator.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
date lastnight
Posted: 7/31/2011 8:16:06 AM
OMG, you got dumped before the deed. Ah, too bad, maybe she decided she did not want a muff dive or wham bam from you.
I do not feel the least bit sorry, you should look closer to home if 50 miles is too far for you to drive and might get turned down.
Maybe you need to be on another website that is geared more toward one night stands and just se x and no relationship, I think there are some out there.
Best of luck in that.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 238 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/31/2011 7:49:06 AM
I personally don't agree with part of your profile, I personally like to wrestle now and then maybe not for the dinner check, but just because. You can and did just post that ad. Now you will get results that you may not like.

Unfortunately, most women are emotionally attached to the men they date for any length of time, but, maybe there is a way that someone can do a study and let us know how long it takes before we do become emotionally attached, then we can stop seeing the man a day or so shy of that time and thus, we can just walk away and not be attached. I think the government or someone else with tons of money should do a study like that, I would gladly be one of the guinea pigs for it.

I think about that when I hear one of my friends tell me that she had been dating a guy for a while (not sure how long, since I don't write down the start date) and then he dumps her and I get the phone call late at night and listen to her go on and on about how she thought he was IT. If I knew the dating "code date " for attachment I could have warned her before that she should be careful when getting close to that time. Like the dates that are stamped on perishable items, the date of "emotional no return". I am sure some college somewhere could do the actual study.
But, good luck Oy, it is a hard task you have for your friend. Btw, your photo is nice.
Cheers.
Kat
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Dating experience I would rather forget!
Posted: 7/30/2011 4:39:03 AM
I met a guy on here not long ago, we talked on the phone for a couple of days then agreed to meet. I don't like to meet over food, because it is hard to talk and eat gracefully, but we did. I pulled up in the parking space and looked for his car ( I got the description and he got the des. of mine) and saw the car. I got out of my car and walked toward his. He got out and I thought, okay, not bad looking, normal and in decent shape. We said hello and then went inside. Over drinks (sodas) we talked, pleasantly at first,then he began to talk about his divorce (still going through it) and on and on and on. I tried several times to change the subject, hint, hint, but he would keep coming back to it. Sigh.
Finally dinner was over, thank you, and it was time to go back to my car (can I run to it?)
He walked me to the car and said what a great time he had. Huh??
Could we do this again? (seriously?)
Okay, I gave him a second chance and we net the following weekend for dinner again. Only this time, his description of his impending divorce was even more verbal. Every detail of it. I tried again to change the subject but could not, the waitress was even visibly uncomfortable. I didn't say much as he drove me back to my car, but, when I got out, I thought, this is not going to happen again. I turned to him and said, okay, it is like this. I tried to change the subject several times, but you keep wanting to talk about all the sordid details of your nasty divorce, which is NOT dinner conversation on a DATE! I am not your psychologist, your shrink or your counselor nor do I want to be. I gave you a second chance but you are fixated on your divorce so that tells me that you are not ready to be dating anyone. So, good luck and good bye, and thanks for dinner. He just could not get it, he left me a message afterward saying that I was unfeeling and unkind. WHAT??? oh well......SE la guerre
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 220 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/30/2011 4:13:50 AM
Point..offact/less
You have some issues, it is clear. So, (pulling up a chair) how long have you had this hatred for your mother? Okay, okay, so she beat you with a switch and made you eat soap as a child, but, that is probably one of the reasons you have trouble finding women who want to date you.
By the way, men are not BBW, that stands for Big Beautiful Women, not men, unless you happen to be a drag queen, so maybe that is the correct description???? hmmmm (writing this down). So, you do not show your face on your profile, hmmmm, must be something wrong with it, maybe it is that twitch you get when you think of women, no, not all women are mean and hurtful.
Women won the right to vote a long time ago, watch "Iron Angels" sometime and maybe you will discover just how we have been fighting hard to be equal. But, that will never happen, since men cannot get pregnant and give birth, so we women will just have to stay where we are, superior in that knowledge that we can endure more pain and for a longer period of time than men can. We have tried in vain to be more like men, alas and alack, we cannot help you to come up to our level. More's the pity.
Cheers!!!!!!!! BTW, this psychological session was free to you, you seemed to need it so badly.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 214 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/29/2011 3:49:15 PM
Really toptowa???? Really??? Honey , I just saw your profile, nope, not a gift from anywhere, I personally think that you have no room on your sportbike for anyone but you and your ego. But, keep on thinking that and your life will be listening to the crickets chirping and not a woman's voice....LLOLL

 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 196 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/27/2011 4:14:33 PM
OyVay, no harm no foul. I understand that I may be an unusual woman, but, I have spent most of my adult life working with men. I learned from a lot of them to be more sensitive to how they think and react. I cannot stand gold diggers or playboys either, so when I meet a man I try to keep the field level.
I have driven an hour to meet a man who lived 2 hours away, neutral area, half way and then a first date. I guess both of my daughters learned from me, by example. I have friends who think that no matter what, the man should pay, we have some animated conversations about that. I just shake my head and walk away.
I went to a meet and greet recently and asked two men to dance, well, actually asked 5 of them and 3 turned me down. Wow, what a reality check. Turned out that for two of them I was not thin enough (the woman they wound up with was) and the other wasn't there to dance, huh?? He just sat all night texting on his phone.....wth?
I paid on one site and wound up with spammers and con men, so I canceled my subscription and came back here.
I know that my typing does not show the inflection of my voice, or my witty personality but take my word for it, no one here has ticked me off. Some are downright funny , others are way too bitter for responses. I will just observe and occasionally respond.
Cheers.
Kat
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ladies, and smart Gentlemen....
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:34:24 PM
Good profile lines. Good photo. Yes, a sense of humor is required.
I am sure that woman (not girl) is out there for you.
Keep on fishing.....bait that hook with some really choice bait.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
why do you ladies talk about feelings and men just want to talk?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:31:02 PM
Mally54,
Dear sir, women are emotional creatures, men are not as emotional. A lot of men don't talk much either, so women have to find out by asking questions how he feels, what he wants, what his plans are, where are we going, etc.
You did not say how long you chatted her up before you were to meet. Did her profile say she was seriously looking for a husband?
Maybe she wanted to know just how serious you are. It also depends on her age, she may be counting the years until she won't be able to have a child, if she wants one with the right man. It could be many things.
If she was close to your age she is mature enough to be patient but I think she was concerned that maybe you were distant toward her. Just a thought.
Best of luck,
Cheers.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 139 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:10:38 PM
OyVay,
I pay for dinner if I invite him out to dinner. But, if he invites me out, he pays, I will offer to pay the tip (as a waitress when I was in my teens, I try to pay fairly) but will not wrestle over it.
I do expect men that I date to be gentlemen, holding doors open (I do the same for older people, kids, men if I am ahead of them) and opening the car door for me. I also expect him to have a job, some sort of income and his own home. I am not a kid nor will he be one. I managed to buy another two houses well after my divorce so a man should own one or at least live in a nice place.
I do not judge but, if he has worked his whole life, he should have some thing to show for it.
I am independent, I pay my bills, work on my house ( roofs, fences, wiring, plumbing and whatever else needs it) but if a man is to take me to dinner, he picks the place and pays. Not all European men are chauvinistic nor do they all have mistresses, that is untrue. My relatives live in Europe so I do know what I am talking about, plus I have met many men while over there but did not look to marry any of them. I prefer to live here and visit there.
I am not bitter nor am I looking for a rich man, just an honest to goodness good man who was brought up the right way to be a gentleman. My 23 yr. old daughter is engaged to a gentleman who is 23, I thanked his mother for raising good men. (2) Their father is also a good man and nice. Yep, a nice guy, they do exist, but hard to find.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 116 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:40:12 AM
valenciacityx, if men are indeed going overseas, you had better learn the language of that woman you are dating from there, because, around here they are from the Philippines and the men don't know what their wives/girlfriends are saying about them. Well, most of them say they married the slob because 1. he has a lot of money to spend on her 2. does not know the language so I can call him names and tell him he is a jerk, and if I smile while I say it, he thinks I am paying him a compliment 3. I will have that child who will make sure I can stay here in the US (anchor baby) and then I can kick his a%% to the curb and go for someone much younger.

Do you want to go with the travel thing? I did travel to Europe quite a bit and the men there hold doors open, pay for dinner, give flowers and are so much more like gentlemen than here in the US. No, I prefer to live here and my job is here, before you go off on a diatribe.
You don't "go Lesbian" you are or you are not. Don't bring those sisters into this fray.
You sound so bitter and contemptuous that maybe you should just stay home and play hand ball.....by yourself. Don't forget the vaseline or lotion.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Did we spend messaging too much before the meet & greet?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:25:50 AM
Oh, that was just an example, it was finalized in 1997, during which I bought my second home and then my first motorcycle. I began again and became the "biker" I had always wanted to be since I was 16 years old.
I am not a hard core biker but ride to work 500 miles per week, have ridden thousands of miles of highway to other states and have been living life to the fullest.
I did send him an anniversary card every year he dragged it out. I just had to, the devil inside made me do it. ROFLMAO
Best luck to you.

 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 73 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/24/2011 8:27:51 AM
morta1ez,
[I guess im in the 1/3 group as I look back on my life I realised the women who put me through the MOST drama were also the best looking(by societies standards) so I widened my scope years ago. There have been studies inwhich they have found that people put up with more antisocial behaviour from "the beautiful people" and how that impacts how they treat others throughout life. ]

Wow , is that true! I have been a people watcher for a long time and have observed the same thing myself. The gorgeous women have men hanging all over her, begging for attention and there are perfectly average women nearby who are more sincere, honest and lower maintenance. But the gorgeous ones get the guys.

She can be hideous in personality but hey, "does she look fine on my arm" or what? Of course tv and movies keep that mindset going with their gorgeous heroines and damsels in distress. The average looking ones usually get the gal pal or villainess roles.

Women do choose a more normal looking man in the long run, we look deeper than men do, but then men are much more visual than we are, it has been proven.
I like your responses. I do hope that it does not fall on deaf ears/eyes on POF. There are a lot of nice women and men out there in this sea of potential dates who deserve a chance.
I have tried to date outside my "rules" before. But, keep coming back to my have to have most of the time. I am an active outdoors person and need that in a man, if he is not in good shape physically, he will not keep up with me.
Keep adding to the forums, you have some great views.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Did we spend messaging too much before the meet & greet?
Posted: 7/24/2011 8:13:41 AM
Hi Hydro,
I agree with the others about the divorce, mine took almost 7 years to complete. Talk about dragging it out. But, I try not to date separated men, since they are still married. I will not be the "other" woman, there is way too much chance for heartbreak if he and his wife decide to get back together.
You have to contact the woman, she will not contact you. This is not high school, reference that you have been off the market for that long. We women like the chase but we will slow down to be "caught" by the right man. If she was interested in you, and I think she was, then call her and arrange for coffee or tea or drinks on a beach, balcony, or parking garage roof- but call and ask!
Chemistry is not everything, it dies unless you have other things as a common thread. Conversation, laughs, great memories, big oops! things you can laugh about later, GET IT?
I read somewhere that sex may be great (yeah, it is) but if you cannot talk with your partner and have great conversations then all you have is great sex and no staying power.
You and your wife had a ton of memories you shared, you dated in high school, but the next person does not have that nor will unless you find someone from your old high school.
You have to create your own memories with her going forward.
Yes, it is not easy, but keep going and call her back with an apology like this " I am sorry ________ that I did not call sooner, I am so new to this with the length of time I have been married and out of the dating scene, that I goofed and did not call you sooner. If you can accept my apology, would you like to meet again and go to _________?
It will work if she is interested in you, and it sounds like she is. No, you are not groveling, but you are being human and sincere.
Good luck !
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 70 (view)
 
What do women want?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:53:12 AM
Hi Jamie61561,
Your profile is basically well done, but, yes, there is a BUT.
You sound so negative that you may be scaring the "nice women" away with it. Take off the part where you ticked off the school parents, district, etc. That comes across as I am a bast%$# and I don't care. Okay, we all work jobs that may tick off others, but we don't mention it on here.

Also, women are not in one category or another, we are complicated individuals and most of us in your age group and above, know what we like, have been there, done it and now want to date someone we can talk with, enjoy events, walks, dinner, movie, sunsets, oh, you get the picture. We all have differing wants and needs and that is sometimes the easy part or the hard part of trying to find a man or woman who feels the same way or has the same wants.
Viva Le difference!

There is a lot of I in your profile, how about a few We's?
I, too, have been frustrated about dating on this and other sites, but I keep going, hoping that I will meet a man who will be part of my life. In the meantime, I am enjoying meeting different men, getting to "try them on" (not physically) and see if they turn out to be that man who will wind up in my life and a "partner in crime." (not a criminal by any means)
Go to local dances, put on by POF people, attend events, volunteer and relax. Try dating women or asking out women who are not goddesses but down to earth women with flaws just like yours. (we all have them)

And, no, we may like to look at Matthew M. (drool) but, we prefer Mr. Normal, Average, and Real.

I met someone this last Friday night, well, actually two men, because I went up to them and asked them to dance, I did not wait around for either of them to ask me, they seemed nice, normal and sweet. I was right ,they are. Maybe it will work out with one of them, but, if it does not Se La Vie, I had a good time and will continue to look.
Best of luck in love and dating.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I have no idea what im doing.
Posted: 7/22/2011 4:30:47 AM
First, change the main profile pic to something that is more flattering about you.
I admire your work ethic and that fact that you are serving in the military. That being said, I was married to a military man and I spend many lonely nights during his active duty, so you may have difficulty with that.

But, you are good looking, active, open and honest and come across as serious about settling down. Shorten your profile a bit. You do ramble a little here and there. Leave in the part about being a gentleman and the things you like to do.
You may want to exclude the photo with the other two guys, you look like you are about to kick some butt.

In the first couple of sentences she should see what you are like and how you would treat her, the rest is extra information.
Good luck.

 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why did she stop messaging me?
Posted: 7/22/2011 4:22:18 AM
Try again and let her know that you were the one on Plenty of Fish and that you finally got Skype. I hope it works for you. Don't assume anything about why she did not respond. Has she been back on POF at all?
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
This was so fantastic to watch!!!
Posted: 7/22/2011 4:18:46 AM
I saw that on facebook, one of my contacts sent it to me. I cried for happiness. There are nice people in the world who do the right thing.
 
Show ALL Forums