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 Author Thread: Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/2/2012 7:55:59 AM
I've found an effective way. I call it getting to know the person. Unfortunately, it may take some time to get the final result :)
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:53:58 PM
I think it's because of the pink dog :)
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Single old male - I must therefore be a predator
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:50:02 PM
Maybe this type of approach would help. When I am out walking in my neighborhood, sometimes I say hello to some of the adults that I cross paths with. I don't go out of my way to do it unless I already know them a bit from chatting previously. Some say hi back and not much else, some enjoy stopping to chat, some tend to ignore me. I don't say hi very often to the ones who tend to ignore me. There are a few people who live in my area that seem to enjoy chatting for a few minutes once in a while. I usually have my dog with me. I don't try starting conversations with people who are a lot younger than me because I worry a little about coming off as creepy, but my kids are teenagers, and some of their friends do actually talk to me if they see me when I'm out.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/22/2012 2:23:12 PM
What I do is give out my number after a couple of messages back and forth if I think she is a decent person. If she wants me to have her number, she will give it to me. If she doesn't offer her number to me, that's fine. I generally stop messaging people after a week or so if they don't want to meet face to face. I've never really liked chat programs or endless messaging through a computer.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
POF is more than a dating site.
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:25:59 PM
I enjoy reading the forums, too. I even add a comment now and then. There are lots of ways that the word relationship can be defined, whether it's friends, acquaintances, dating, etc. I guess it depends on what someone is looking for.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Schizophrenic Sister
Posted: 5/15/2012 2:07:44 PM
Hey. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. There is some mental illness in my family, too. The person with the worst issues in my family has always refused to have any type of treatment. There isn't much that can be done to force someone to get help, but I've gone to see counselors in my community on my own to try building some constructive ways of coping. I don't know if doing that would help you. I also tried involving other family members in the counselling, but that didn't help much, either. In the long run, the person with issues and I moved away from each other.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Long distance
Posted: 5/12/2012 2:54:40 PM
Long distance relationships can work out well, but it depends on the people who are in the relationship. A friend of mine was living in Ottawa and he met a girl online in Australia. He ended up moving there and marrying her. That was about 15 or so years ago. They have a couple of kids and are doing fine together.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Mother's Day
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:46:49 AM
I would consider the other parent in your case to be a deadbeat parent. One of my kids started working part time at age 14, the other at 16. Up until they were working, I always asked them ahead of time what they wanted to do for their mother for mothers day and for other randomly named days. Once my kids had their own incomes, I simply let them know that if they needed my help with anything like that, it was up to them to tell me.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:18:44 PM
For me, meeting people online is simply another possible way to meet people in my fairly typical life. At least, I think I have a fairly typical life. I don't see any type of taboo attached to meeting people whether it is online or not online.

I don't spend all my time sitting at home on the computer, and I generally talk to people when I meet them as I go about my day to day stuff when I'm not at home. Meeting someone I don't know out in the real world doesn't mean that they will be any more honest with than if I meet them online.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Obligated to educate your kids
Posted: 5/10/2012 2:57:02 PM
Well, after I finished my own post-secondary education with a sizable student loan, I decided I wouldn't let my kids start their own careers in debt. As for my ability to help out someone else's kids financially, that would depend on a few things, like how committed and stable the relationship was. I wouldn't put myself in debt to do it.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
He's Not Looking For Me
Posted: 4/20/2012 5:58:33 PM
After reading your post, I just checked my favorites list for the first time and someone put themselves on it. I hope they weren't hoping for a response :)
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
She lied about everything
Posted: 4/20/2012 5:47:00 PM
I have a friend who lies about having cancer sometimes when he is drunk. The first time he told me he had cancer, I called a mutual friend to let them know and they said that he's been telling them the same thing off and on for years. I guess some people either can't stop lying or are desperate for some type of twisted attention.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 5:36:17 PM
For me, it would really depend on the person as a whole. Meeting people is very random and there are a lot of people with no mental illness that I would not want to date. Adding a mental illness on top of randomly meeting someone is simply adding one more part to who they are. An illness on it's own would probably not automatically rule out the person as a potential partner for me, but as I get to know them, the illness and how they look after the illness would definitely be a part of who they are. I would assume that if I meet someone online with a mental illness, they are fairly functional in society or they would not be using an online dating site. If they are functional enough to use this site for meeting people, then I would expect them to also be functional enough to look after their illness appropriately.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Guys: When the ex-wife remarries...
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:03:10 PM
This can be an emotional topic. I feel that I'm lucky because I think the guy my ex is with is a good guy. Having said that, I've had my moments over the years when I would be wondering what my kids were doing, thinking or feeling while being raised with another guy. At least they were with me every other week. And it was worse when my kids were younger.

The worst part for me, and it's an ongoing issue, is my ex started smoking again after we split up, and the guy she lives with smokes. They both smoke in the apartment and in the car with whoever happens to be there. Smoking around any kids really drives me nuts because of the damage the smoke does to kids lungs while they were still growing. Kids don't have the choice of leaving and going home when people smoke in their home.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Explaining death to a child
Posted: 4/17/2012 5:56:00 PM
I'm a big fan of being honest with kids about death or whatever else comes up. I've met people who start making things up whenever a difficult or uncomfortable life event happens, but I've never been able to understand how that is better than being honest. Whenever I'm not sure how to teach my kids the skills they will need to deal with whatever is going on, I generally turn to friends or parenting / counselling resources in my community to give myself the skills I need to teach my kids how to deal with life.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:29:12 PM
When I start thinking about ending a bad relationship, writing things down can help me come to a sensible decision. I make a list of why I want to stay with the person, and I make another list of why I need to stop seeing the person. A lot of what you mention, such as having your actions monitored and having to defend why you talk to people, would definitely be in my list of reasons to break up. If the list of reasons to break up is longer than the list of reasons to stay together, then it is time for me to move on and find someone who is a better match.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Best friends ...can I leave the friend zone!
Posted: 4/6/2012 4:29:00 PM
My thoughts are to be honest with the person. If you talk openly about how you feel, you will know if the other person has feelings that have changed or if they still only want friendship. Then you could decide if the relationship you have as friends is likely to change.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 521 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/6/2012 4:20:52 PM
If I met someone who was an adult living with their parents, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about their life choices. As long as the person was someone I wanted to get to know, then I would get to know them.

If they turned out to be lazy, self-absorbed, or living off the efforts of others, it probably wouldn't take long to find that out and then I would choose not to spend time with them.

If the person was helping elderly, sick or unemployed family members, then I would be happy to know them and I would probably be quite supportive of their life choices.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Trusting a man on POF...
Posted: 3/25/2012 2:02:34 PM
I would not expect someone to start changing what they do in their life after a single face to face meeting regardless of how much I like them.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Single father 2 girls needs advice
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:18:29 PM
My girls are 19 and 16 now. I've always had my girls living with me either full time or half time every second week since I became a single parent. When situations like this have come up with us, I've tried using it to get a discussion going. I've had varying degrees of success over the years in getting my kids talking about being safe :)

My kids have always been pretty good at picking up on when I'm being honest, so I basically tell them why I'm not happy about a situation. I would usually start by saying something about how I felt that what they wanted to do may not be a safe choice; if anything unexpected happened, or if one of them got hurt, there would be no one around to help. Then I would listen to my daughters ideas about why the situation would be either safe or not safe. Things generally turn out well by getting them to help figure out how to plan ahead enough to make a situation safe. If we come up with a plan that I think is safe and they think is worth doing, then off they go.
 
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