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 Author Thread: Dating a person who works third shift
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Dating a person who works third shift
Posted: 6/1/2014 6:01:15 PM
It certainly makes relationships and dating a challenge, I've worked 12 hour night shifts for the 13 years and it has definitely taken a toll on my social life, most of my friends are shift workers too. There are people who are willing to adapt to your schedule and those that won't, but I've found it takes a little patience on both parts to make it work, if both are flexible it can work out.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
how do you sleep when your partner's cpap machine is so loud
Posted: 3/5/2014 4:33:15 AM
The newer CPAP machines are very quiet, so he may need to upgrade. Could be a mask issue as well, if they leak they can make all kinds of noise or if the person is mouth breathing, there are some very good masks out now too that have filters over the exhalation values that also suppress noise, he should contact his CPAP provider to research some options.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I have been warned off by his recent ex
Posted: 9/29/2013 4:16:18 AM
The first problem is her stalking his facebook page, thou I'm not sure why he hasn't blocked her on his social media by this time, I doubt very much she is doing this for your benefit. It takes time to find out about another person and their true nature, if you like this man then continue to see him and give it some time to find out what type of person he is, I certainly wouldn't let someone else influence my decision, particularly an ex, you could be missing out on a great person due to some vindictive woman who doesn't know enough to move on and realize it's over.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 126 (view)
 
I hate kids. NO, I really really hate kids!
Posted: 9/1/2013 10:11:16 AM
This is why some people shouldn't have kids, the only one I feel sorry for is the child in this scenario. All the Op needs to learn is one little word "no" when you don't stand up for yourself you are condoning the behaviour to continue and that becomes your own fault. How hard is it to entertain a 5 year old, board games, arts and crafts, making play doo, etc. it would mean the father wouldn't have to move much and watch his child, it's not like it's a baby they are dealing with. I would be having a group meeting with all these supposed adults and hashing out some ground rules for everyone to follow, especially if you are going to get married to this guy, nonsense like this doesn't get any better over time unless someone steps up and changes things, hopefully for the betterment of this child, all that's going happen is the OP will become bitter and resentful of the situation she is helping to perpetuate by not acting to correct the problem now.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
social anxiety worse than 15 years ago
Posted: 9/1/2013 9:43:33 AM
Hi OP, I don't think it's really anything that you will ever be cured off, I've dealt with crippling shyness since I was a teenager, it's always there but I've found ways/tricks to help it not dominate my life. It took baby steps, similar to aversion therapy, I would make small talk with strangers, I started smiling more, making eye contact, then more talking in front of people, practiced public speaking and forcing myself to meet up with people for dating, it was a long process and I still get antsy in large crowds but I just keep pushing myself to be more open to people, also I did this without any medications at all. Seeking out a profession might be a good idea or alternative therapies that deal with the problem without the use of medications, good luck.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 53 (view)
 
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/17/2013 6:46:59 PM
If you keep picking damaged/need to be rescued types, you will never be able to trust them, start taking responsibility for your choices in partners and make some changes, fix yourself first then you will be ready for a relationship with a woman who has her life together, then you can start to build trust over time as you get to know each other.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Ladies, your thought on men in Speedos
Posted: 8/16/2013 4:15:12 PM
I think speedos just look sleazy, one step up from a male thong, there are very few men who look good in them, unless you are swimming in a competition I don't see the point of wearing them.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
It may be stupid, but what did we do with out cell phones?
Posted: 8/9/2013 11:13:12 AM
People got by just fine without cellphones, you had road maps instead of google map or gps, there were phoneboothes everywhere, people just left a message if you were not home when they called and you actually went out and met and talked to people. I like my cellphone for emergencies and for sending a quick text if I'm running late but I still have a landline for long distance calling. There is definitely a down side to cellphones thou, people seem to be losing their awareness of their surroundings, I've lost count how many times drivers have nearly hit me because they were texting on their phones, seen people walk into poles and out into traffic because their faces are in their phones. The funniest/saddest thing is when you see whole families out to dinner and no one is talking or even looking at each other because all of them are their phones, I think it is slowly killing are ability to communicate and interact with people and our environment, I don't see it getting any better thou.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 95 (view)
 
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/8/2013 1:41:37 PM
4ms4me, I agree I've had people ask out of curiousity in the past, this never bothered me because it was done in a respectful manner, it was the same with friends and family once I explained my views that was the end of it, they new I made the right life choice for me. The problem was always with those that chose to add on a insult, some stamp of abnormality to my choice not to have children because they simply couldn't or wouldn't understand another way of living or thinking, these were people who meant nothing in my life, overall the ones who's opinion I did respect were very accepting and supportive over the years. Why would you be jealous of something you never wanted in the first place, thou I do think it is human nature IMO to imagine "what if".
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Why Do Women Do Stupid Things During Breakups???
Posted: 8/4/2013 4:52:30 AM

I thought a stupid thing during a breakup was crying about him while eating a pint of Ice Cream, or going & painting your fingernails black, LOL.

Apparently, I was mistaken.


So did I lol. I've never felt the need to break stuff just because we broke up, but I did have an ex become a stalker for about year after we broke up and yes he was bat sh*t crazy, so no it isn't just women behaving badly, some people just let their emotions get out of control and act out without thinking about the consequences.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 58 (view)
 
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 11:53:39 PM
Children should be wanted, so OP if you don't want kids make sure you take measures to prevent it, there are so many unwanted,neglected and abused children in the world today. I think it is more socially acceptable nowadays to not have kids due to expense and that there is over 7 billion on this planet that can't be sustained long term just look at our depleting resources and land availability to grow food on, so I don't see how it is selfish not to contribute to growing problem. I grew up with the constant comments about why I wasn't married and having kids, thou I did have the opportunity I knew it was not for me. I would get sympathy comments for not being able to have kids, my biological clock was ticking away, was I gay, I had medical personal refuse to give me a tubal ligation on 3 separate occasions because I might change my mind, they just couldn't get that as a woman I wouldn't want to breed. Since we don't have a crystal ball none of us can see what we will choose in the future and yes you just might change your mind but always be honest with yourself. It may decrease your dating pool but you will be happier when you find someone with compatible views on children, they are out there.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Getting more rigid the older you get?
Posted: 8/3/2013 11:44:18 AM
well I had crippling shyness when I was younger, so over the last 25 years I've made an extra effort to be more social so I've had to be more flexible and step out of my comfort zone. I'm rigid about some things such as career, continuing education,future goals, financial security, but sometimes I just want to be a big kid so I still go to waterparks and ride rollercoasters also I get bored living in on place for too long, this time I moved across the country, there is so much to explore around the island and I'm having a blast. So I guess I'm a little bit of both depending on the situation.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Reality check....
Posted: 8/3/2013 8:03:06 AM
Personally taking the time to do a reality check on your life is a good thing IMO, not always an easy thing to do, but can be rewarding. I think being more open to opportunities is a better way to visualize dating then lowering my standards, there are certain basics that need to be there before I would date or have a relationship with someone, they would have to a good person, employed, treat others with respect, humour and mutual attraction is a must, I'm not going to date someone just because I don't want to be alone and labelled single. The Op was talking about his friend's preferences, these can be changed if the person wants to, but in the end if there is no attraction, all you really have is a friendship. If something isn't working for you then change your strategy, but that is up to the individual to decide and their choices should be respected.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Best way to say you arent interested?
Posted: 8/3/2013 7:46:28 AM
Do what you feel is best for you, just remember that applies to other people as well. Personally it depends on the message, a message that just says hi, I don't feel bad not replying and risking a nasty or whiny response. If it is a nice thoughtful message then I will take the time to thank them for their interest but we are not a match. I don't need a response, if I don't hear anything from my initial message then no is my answer, which for me is less disappointing then seeing an email, opening it up and realizing it's a not interested message, but that's just me.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
requests for intimate pics after 1st date
Posted: 7/26/2013 10:09:00 PM
I've had it happen a couple times, it's just a manipulative tactic with the verbal backlash to get what they want, like a two year old throwing a tantrum, just block and be thankful they showed their true selves early on before you wasted any time on them. aaahhh the joys of online dating, lol.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
To accept children, or not to accept children? That is the question.
Posted: 6/30/2013 7:22:13 AM
Op never feel guilty about your true feelings, I never wanted kids myself just not my thing, too many other things I wanted to accomplish, this doesn't mean I don't like kids, I love being an aunt, but I did take a lot of criticism growing up due to my choices. I've had mixed experiences with dating men with children, it's not just the kids, it's how they were raised, how the relationship is with the ex, what kind of down time is available without the kids, from past experience I would not date a man who has kids at home now. Don't let other people's ridiculous notions of what is "normal" make you feel weird or guilty, it's your life to live, personally with over 7 billion on the planet and the depletion of existing resources, not having kids if you don't want them is being very responsible on a world scale.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Not sure if this is the right catagory - Issue with former FWB
Posted: 6/30/2013 6:34:16 AM
Cut ties completely with this person, block and delete him from all your social media, he is a spoiled brat not a man. He wants what he wants when he wants it and if that doesn't happen he throws a temper tantrum and tries to manipulate and guilt you into doing what he wants, is that the type of person you want to associate with. Who knows why he has turned into a bottom feeder, he has to fix his own problems you can't do it for him, he is certainly not drama free or someone you should waste your time with.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Creeped out
Posted: 6/28/2013 6:01:13 AM
Well I wouldn't call it creepy, but anyone who needs to test people with silly game playing is just immature or manipulative and has some issues they need to work out. This is why I do not text, people think I have nothing else to do in a day then text them endlessly, if you can't call, e-mail, video chat or do something crazy like meet in person I'm not going to waste my time on you. Nothing is real until you meet in person and get to know someone, if they flake out then they are simple not a match, it doesn't matter what the reason was for bailing.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Vancouver and Groupon: good, bad or ugly?
Posted: 6/28/2013 3:40:01 AM
I would appreciate the fact that I was being treated to dinner by someone, a coupon wouldn't bother me at all, any reasonable person knows that it's tough economical times for most, saving a little money when you can is not a bad thing, now if was extreme that's different it would be the same as someone who was irresponsible with money, but you find that out when you get to know the person, dates are suppose to be fun.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Study Shows Online Dating = Worse Results?
Posted: 6/28/2013 3:12:17 AM
Well I'm one of those old timers on the site, I've had some great relationships and friendships from the site, people I would never have met in real life, gone to a few POF events, this doesn't mean there is no down side to online dating, but if you use it as your only option I can see how some would feel that it is frustrating, seems to be an increase in dishonest profiles and motives. I have to admit I've kept an open account more for the forums then dating theses days.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Do you ever just get tired of dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 2:20:45 PM
When I start to get that frustrated feeling I just take a break from dating and focus on doing fun things for myself. Take some classes to learn something new, spend more time with friends, read that book I keep putting off, relax, get a massage, do some tourist stuff, along with work this takes up most of my time and I don't think about being single. I keep my POF account open just encase but it's not something I focus on, the break helps me get rid of the negativity that comes from meeting up with too many men who say they want a relationship but really are only looking for sex.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
second fiddle
Posted: 6/20/2013 10:31:34 PM
I would have an honest conversation with him and let him know how it makes you feel and that you think it is rude. Some people just don't get it, they are so accustom to reaching for their phones as soon as it rings regardless of where or who they are with, sometimes a polite reminder is a good thing, if things continue as usual then you know he has other priorities then spending time with you.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Constant negativity...
Posted: 6/9/2013 3:55:55 PM
I try to avoid those type of people in my life, they just drain you emotionally, I can understand not being happy 24/7 but no matter how good their lives are going, they will always find something to complain about, now I seek out more positive people. Don't put negative comments in your profile it just seems to attract the ones you want to avoid, set your boundaries and stick to them, communicate your feelings tactfully, some people really don't realize how they come across or what they project to others.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Is POF suppose to make you feel more alone?
Posted: 6/9/2013 3:35:37 PM
OP you should be out in the real world meeting people, join social groups, take classes, do volunteer work to meet like minded people, don't focus all your energy on internet dating, pof can be a positive for some and a big negative for others, sometimes it's just luck when you find the right one.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
If they sound too good to be true, do you still meet them?
Posted: 6/9/2013 3:13:58 PM
I view internet dating that until we actually meet it's just fun chat getting to know someone, thou I haven't encountered scammers on pof, this MO sounds familiar to ones I've talked to on another paid site, it starts out very emotional, then they want to chat on yahoo chat, then comes the sad story for money. If you really liked the guy then e-mail and explain your side of things and ask him to meet, then you won't be second guessing yourself, have to say that my gut reaction to people usually isn't wrong.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 560 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 6/2/2013 12:13:17 PM
^^^^ agree with above posters, people will always find a way to get around restrictions, you see individuals with multiple profiles on the site already, now others will just lie about their ages or intentions, the age restrictions worked just fine for me in the past or just block and delete. The e-mail from Markus indicated they wanted to clean up the site which does have bad reputation in the online community, I think it is a little too late now to apply a blanket ban to curb certain human behaviour and could have the opposite effect that turns off people they want using the site.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
People addicted to electronics
Posted: 5/17/2013 2:02:37 AM
It comes down to responsible use, Cellphones are great in that you can contact someone if you are running late, get directions or if you are in trouble, access the internet. The problem is when it starts to replace human contact and face to face communication and you miss what's going on around you, it can also reduce your attention span to that of a gerbil. I've seen families out to dinner who don't even make eye contact because they all have their faces in their phones, I've seen people sitting across from each other in a coffee shop and never saying a word to each other but typing away, I've seen people walk out into traffic, one walked into a parking meter, cars running red lights, hell they can't even stop during a movie or live theatre. There was a great article that had a fun survey about what you would be willing to give up to continue using your Iphone, I was amazed at some of the answers.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Most of those who claim to want a relationship play the most games ugh!
Posted: 5/17/2013 1:42:15 AM
There are male and female users/players in real life who will lie and manipulate to get what they want and don't really care who you are as a person, I've found that this can be amplified online, takes some practice to weed out the bottom feeders but I have also met some great men too. You determine how people will treat you, if someone starts sex talk I simply tell them to stop, if they can't carry on a simple conversation without referring to my naughty bits, we are not a match, if they continue, I know they don't respect my boundaries and we are certainly not a match, the good thing about online is that you simply cut them off, block or delete.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 104 (view)
 
She is NOT interested and on POF
Posted: 5/14/2013 6:11:11 PM
It doesn't matter what the reason is, they are not interested in you and every individual on the site has the right to choose who they will and will not contact, just because you put up a profile doesn't automatically mean you are going to find someone. You have no idea what complete strangers are thinking or feeling, I've noticed that certain people just can't handle rejection and so they make up all kinds of reasons to deflect it onto someone else somehow making it their fault, no one is obligated to talk, date or have sex with you, ever. Just as the OP can choose who he wants to date according to his preferences, attraction, values and beliefs, so does everyone else, some just seem to think it is only their choices that matter, IMO shows a complete lack of respect for others.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/11/2013 2:17:05 AM
You have done what you can as a friend by voicing your concerns, she is an adult and has to make her own choices and deal with the consequences of those actions, don't dwell on the issue it will just reinforce her behaviour and she will resent you over time. Anything is possible so I wouldn't rule out that it could work out, but I think you would have better odds winning the lottery.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
why not read forums?
Posted: 5/9/2013 5:53:26 AM
I take breaks from the dating side of POF or hide my profile if I'm dating or in a relationship but have always kept my account going due to the forums over the years, yes I'm addicted, they have been a great source of information, opinions and just good old entertainment/shock/awe. I too am surprized they don't promote the forums more, possibly they don't want user traffic going to the forums where there is no advertisement sponsors to generate revenue for the site.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
going on 10 months, should I love her or leave her?
Posted: 5/4/2013 2:23:00 PM
You are not attracted to this woman, that's not going to change you are already looking at her friends and other women and doing comparisons, do the right thing and tell her truth and let her go and find people that are compatible. She deserves better than to be used as a "good for right now girl" so you won't be alone, time to be a grown up.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Once a cheater...
Posted: 4/27/2013 1:41:32 AM
Well I do believe people can change and there is no "one size fits all" kind of answer to this, I guess my question is how much do you like this man that you are willing to take the risk of him cheating again, doesn't mean he will but it is a real possibility. Personally I don't want to spend my time worrying if someone is cheating every time they walk out the door, if I knew they had a history it would always be in the back of the mind, that's just how I am not a reflection on the other person, so I would avoid getting into that type of situation.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
He acted like he was doing me a favour by dating me.
Posted: 4/26/2013 8:33:41 PM
Sounds like you dodged a bullet OP, who wants to be with a person who doesn't respect you and to loudly announce it in front of complete strangers, this guy has no manners or class at all, sounds like those type that like to insult people to make themselves feel or look better than everybody else. Good riddance and better luck next time OP.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Childfree life
Posted: 4/23/2013 4:14:05 PM
I chose not to have children myself OP, not that I don't like kids it simply wasn't for me. When I was younger I would constantly have people, mostly women I have to admit who felt the need to tell me that something was wrong with me, I would change my mind when my biological clock started ticking which never happened or you would get the pity glance because they thought I wasn't physically able to have kids, my family always supported my decisions. My advice to you is do what is going to make you happy, if this is not a good time yet in your life to have kids then don't, children should be wanted not a burden or something you just do to fit into a societal construct. It did effect my dating when I was younger but not excessively thou, some again thought I would change my mind even thou I was always upfront that kids were not in my future, so I just dated like minded men and it worked out fine. My Mom always said that once you are a Mother you are a Mother for life, so it should be something you really want.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Bad First Date, Apology After?
Posted: 4/22/2013 12:19:28 AM
Give the guy a second chance, he realized what he did and apologized, a big plus in my books, we do silly things when we are nervous. What do you have to risk, an hour or two of your time, you are attracted to him and like his personality, don't miss out on a potentially great relationship over a bad first meet. Good luck
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 222 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 4/22/2013 12:04:17 AM
It will never be enough. My standards are already realistic


Are they really, how many dates have you had with 8+ ladies from the site? It's great that you are trying to improve yourself, but ask yourself are you chasing 8+ women because that's what you are actually attracted to or are you doing it because it makes you look good to others. I have a preference for dark haired men, if I hadn't been open, I would have never meet the last 3 men I dated since they were all blonde, it's not about dating people you are not attracted to, it's about not having tunnel vision and hyper focusing on one type that you miss a great person in the process. Here is a reality check how you feel about that heavier 45 older woman contacting you is probably how those 8+ women feel when you contact them. This site is simple marketing, except you are the product, if it isn't selling then change the marketing tactic, unfortunately even if you do all the rights things there is still a chance you still won't get replies, that's life sometimes, no one is obligated to date you. Just an FYI you have gotten some great advice here to improve your dating chances, I've adjusted my profile several times over the years and have added/deleted things after reading forum comments, it's good to get another prospective. Good luck.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Dating Up?
Posted: 4/21/2013 10:51:24 AM
So this is my take on the situation, why would you have a second date with someone where you can't say one nice thing about them personally or list one positive element to your date with her, you have already convinced yourself she is one way, so what, she now has to pass some dating test for you. Do yourself and her a favour and just end it now before anyone gets hurt, you don't seem compatible at all.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Cuddle vs. Snuggle
Posted: 4/21/2013 10:18:05 AM
Well there are a few words and phrases that make me cringe at times, I have no preference between cuddle and snuggle, thou snuggle makes me think of the bear from the fabric softener commercial, I don't think it really matters once you get next to your partner what word you choose to use.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 4/21/2013 3:10:21 AM
The two of you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about both of your finances, maybe he didn't realize at the time he made the agreement with you he wouldn't be making as much money, it sounds like his business if not going to have a stable income the two of you can count on, he wouldn't be the first in this economy to experience this. You are the only one who can tell whether he is mooching or not, this is a difficult situation because you haven't know each other very long before moving in together. If you think he is sincere then make up a realistic financial plan that both of you feel is fair, set a timeline for yourself to see results, if you get excuses or he isn't holding up his part then you know it's time for him to find another place to live.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Rehtaeh Parsons and East Coast justice.
Posted: 4/20/2013 10:44:50 PM
wow some real knee jerk reactions, maybe people should wait until all the evidence is in before making snap judgements, none of us was there and I haven't seen the photo, what seems to be released to the media is from the parents perspective only, who are in grief, their view is going to be biased naturally. It's a very tragic event, a young person killed herself, but the reality is that some females do cry rape when it was actually bad judgement on their part and when alcohol or other drugs, bad things like this can happen, perhaps parents should be taking a more active role in the lives of their children and what they are posting on various media sites. If the evidence shows these young men raped her they should be brought before the law and face trial, but I will not condemn them before that happens no matter how sad these tragic make me.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Lowered Expectations
Posted: 4/18/2013 8:35:36 PM

Now on to the math. 100 messages, 1 positive reply = 99% rejection rate. That means I am butt ugly to the world of women or the mass majority of those here think they can do better than me and are holding out just for so. Second conclusion is 1% of you ladies are desperate for a relationship or hearing a very loud ticking biological clock. I am no mind reader, but desperate times call for desperate measures and desperation is relative.


You are not the first to try these little experiments out on pof, to try and prove some obscure opinion of why it's everybody else's fault you can't get a date. The reality is that the most attractive on the site male or female get the most messages, it's the nature of the site, so as an average person I have to be a little more creative on the site when messaging, make sure I have some nice pics even thou I'm not photogenic and I try to have a positive honest profile. I've had plenty of rejections to my messages, I don't take it personally, I don't view these men as players, shallow or bad people, they are simply not attracted to me. The harsh reality is no matter hard you try to make a connection with another person and you do all the right things, you still might not find someone, we don't always get what we want, that's just life.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
I don't know what chemistry is but......
Posted: 4/18/2013 10:21:54 AM
well congrats OP, it's nice to hear a positive thread, hope it works out for both of you. Yes I have had it happen twice in my lifetime, certain circumstances arose so they didn't last past a couple of years but it was great while it lasted. I too agree with another poster that you have to be careful not to use that as a dating standard so I don't miss out on meeting a great guy were it is more of a slower progression of feelings.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Divorce frustration
Posted: 4/18/2013 12:13:22 AM
Well it's an old saying but I do believe it to be true "that actions speak louder than words".
This man is saying one thing and doing another, why would he change his situation he has the best of both worlds, you as a long-time mistress and place to live, easily disposed of if needed. He continues to be married so he doesn't have to suffer the potential consequences of his infidelity in divorce/family court and can retain the fa├žade of being the good family man in his church. Did you really expect a different outcome OP, he wasn't yours then and he isn't your now, time to make some difficult decisions and really think about what you want for yourself in the future, if it includes this man, then set some timelines for the divorce, your life choices have created this reality you now live in, so it's up to you to get yourself out of it.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 102 (view)
 
Lowered Expectations
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:04:11 PM

When it comes to the ladies on internet dating 9/10 they aren't so, but put themselves up on the pedestal thinking they can do so much better and toss the guys aside holding out just for that


I find it amusing that certain individuals think they know the thoughts and motives of complete strangers they have never met, must be some kind of Jedi mind trick,lol. Online dating isn't for everyone, it's a hard medium because it is primarily visual with a few paragraphs in a profile that may or may not be true. That's why for me personally it isn't real until we meet, I also just use the site as a back up, I like to meet people in social/interest groups, one time I met a man while we were both waiting for the train, he made a joke, I laughed and we started talking, sometimes you just have to open, but I will not lower my expectations to overt being alone, if you are not happy or just "settling"that is all you will bring into the relationship.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 4/15/2013 6:07:48 AM
Any e-mail I have sent out to men on pof, only the ones that were actually interested replied, the rest ignored my messages so I knew they were not interested, so I have never tried to continue any communication with them because I respect their decision. I have replied to messages were the man put some effort into creating it, I don't bother if it's hi, hey or a sex request, I have on occasion got a really nasty reply so I do understand why some people just don't reply at all. I personally don't need to know why the person isn't interested, just that they are not, so no reply = no response, it's all part of dating.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
This Man Is Keanu Reeves
Posted: 4/14/2013 8:07:06 AM
Well I think you have to look at what is important in your life, I work to put food and the table, a roof over my head and to comfortable, I have a financial plan to be debt free and putting away money for my retirement so I can continue to eat and live well. Some people get so caught up in having things that they forget the simple things in life, spending time with family, friends and your partner, laughing, getting out and enjoying hobbies and pursuing your interests, I've seen people who are house poor and so in debt from buying stuff that when something bad happens, like the economy, they lose everything. I don't agree with you about education being a waste, my degree and continued education lead to my current career path that I love, as with most things you just need a healthy balance and do what makes you happy.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 7:05:04 AM
no you can't fixed other people's bad behaviour, the only thing I can control is myself and how I relate to others. Besides reporting is fine but they just change their profile name and make up a new account and start all over again, it is what it is.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
My guy is showing as being logged on, but he says he hasn't
Posted: 4/14/2013 6:57:05 AM
I can post in the forums and it will show up that I'm online on the dating portion of the site even when the link is gone, I've contacted a friend who appeared to be online on pof but he wasn't it was the phone app on his phone. There are glitches, but since you are on pof posting you can't really condemn him for doing the same thing, the games that people play.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Lowered Expectations
Posted: 4/11/2013 2:30:02 AM

It is possible you might still end up this way anyway.

Not likely since I made it a habit to cultivate friendships, am close to my family, keep busy with interests and hobbies, have a career I love, so yes I may end up single but not desperate to just settle for anyone, since I don't have high expectations from the site and use other venues to meet people I've done ok, so no I will not lower or change my core values to avoid being alone.
 
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