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 Author Thread: How to Pickup Women
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
How to Pickup Women
Posted: 4/21/2009 7:51:00 AM
Older women are the ones to go for. They are easier to pick up because they can't run as fast.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
Men are the greatest
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:50:15 AM

I am wondering what is the best thing you can do for a man that shows you are really into him?

Let him sleep with your best (female) friend.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
What does your 30's mean to you ?
Posted: 12/26/2007 9:26:26 AM

What does your 30's mean to you ?

Having a lot more motorbikes than when I was in my 20s.

These days, I'm looking forward to my 40s. By then, I might actually be able to afford to get them all running. I'm going to spend my 50s getting financial so that I can get some hot young cheerleader in her 20s to look after me in my 60s.

Ah well.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 113 (view)
I like Older Women because........
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:50:50 AM

I like Older Women because........

They are easier to catch - they can't run as fast.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 77 (view)
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:27:30 AM
What's the fastest that I've ever gotten someone into bed?

Seconds.... Milliseconds...

Heck, I'm often on the phone to women... I make a comment that seeing as we're both still up, we should meet up at a late night cafe or somewhere.

Within seconds, she's in bed... and asleep shortly afterwards.

Tell ya, I can cure female insomnia easily...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 99 (view)
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:29:55 AM
Q: What's the difference between a g-spot and a pub?

A: You can find a pub!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
Posted: 9/7/2007 1:12:08 PM
You're attractive

I'm fine
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
yes your old
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:48:36 AM
From my comedy web site -

Back In My Day!

We've all heard our elder people go on about how easy modern life is for us. We all get it so easy these days, whereas they had to get to school each day by trudging through snow in thick blizzards. What a crock! But shit, now that I'm in my thirties I'm realising that these days kids today really do get it easy! But back in my day, we really had it tough!

Back in my day, you didn't have these emotional feely TV shows. You had things like The A Team, where they shot 30,000 bullets in 60 seconds without ever hurting anyone or running out of ammo. And the big black man that wore lots of gold jewellery around his neck wasn't a gay icon. There was Knight Rider, where a trendy guy in a leather jacket drove a car that talked and made bad wisecracks. In Miami Vice, the cops wore expensive trendy clothes and drove around in a new Ferrari Testarossa. Back in the '80s the most serious emotional TV shows were A Country Practice and Little House On The Prairie. And who did shoot JR?

Back in my day, there was no such thing as the environment.... you just tipped out that old car engine oil in the garden. Or your neighbour’s garden at night.

Back in my day, there was no internet porno because there was no internet. If you wanted to see pictures of naked women then you had to shoplift a Playboy or Penthouse because you were too young to be allowed to buy one.

Back in my day, you didn't brag about who had the fastest graphics card in your computer, you cared about how your marble collection was looking.

Back in my day, if you saw a girl not wearing a bra then you'd walk around thinking about it non stop all day and was amazed at how daring she was.

Back in my day, you didn't care about Harry Potter books because you were racing off to the shops to get the latest books on how to solve a Rubik's Cube. Anyone that could solve the Cube without a book was a wanker. Your best friend was a flat blade screwdriver, to pull the bloody thing apart with.

Back in my day, computer technical support consisted of pressing Control-Alt-Delete.

Back in my day, you were amazed at how Mr Squiggle could make a picture out of those useless lines.

Back in my day, if you saw a girl's belly button or waist it was because you were at the beach, and she was wearing a bikini.

Back in my day, a VW Beetle or Mini was a cheap car.

Back in my day, a Russian-made car such as a Lada seemed like a good bargain. A new Honda was also one of the cheapest cars around.

Back in my day, if you had a tattoo it was because you were very hairy and ugly, in a bikie gang, and had a criminal record.

Back in my day, you dreamed of owning an Atari. You were really cool if you had one. You were the most popular and envied kid in school if you had an Amiga.

Back in my day, you didn't have internet chat programs. You not only knew what your friends looked like, but you also knew their actual names and whether they were male or female.

Back in my day, females wore earrings and males had tattoos. You could also count how many piercings a woman had - while she was still fully clothed.

Back in my day, a modem was something you saw on a documentary at high school... where someone actually put the handset onto it.

Back in my day, people knew who Basil Brush was and thought that saying boom! boom! in a deep voice was really clever.

Back in my day, you knew the saying “sounding like a broken record” because you knew what a record player actually was.

Back in my day, it was a huge sensation to see photos of Madonna’s tits. You actually wanted to see Madonna’s tits.

Back in my day, you didn't read about Kylie Minogue’s latest boyfriend each day. You just wondered how much longer it would be until she and Jason Donovan would get together. Jason who?

Back in my day, you didn't spend all day typing SMS messages... you'd actually use a telephone to have a conversation with your voice.

Back in my day, you didn't have funny SMSes, you got your jokes by fax. If you had a fax. And they were lousy copies anyway because they were a fax of a fax of a fax of a fax.

Back in my day, you didn't have Xtreme sports that involved people doing somersaults on BMX bikes or in the snow. You were amazed by the tricks that some people could do with their yo-yos.

Back in my day, if you went out with someone then you were it, and your partner wasn't chatting to 53 other potential dates on ICQ, email, MSN, AOL, etc.

Back in my day, you didn't have mobile phones. You'd race home each day to check your answering machine. Whenever you couldn't think what to buy someone for their birthday, you didn't buy them a new mobile phone - you bought them a new answering machine.

Back in my day, if you rang someone and they weren't there, you had to leave a message if they had an answering machine, or otherwise just keep calling constantly until they got home. These days you email or SMS them if their mobile phone is switched off.

Back in my day, you didn't have MacDonalds or any other places that hired lots of teenagers. If you wanted something, you had to suck up to your parents all year and cross your fingers at birthdays and Christmases in the hope that they would buy it for you.

Back in my day, Michael Jackson was black. He was really popular, and he sold music.

Back in my day, choosing a video to rent for the night took about 20 seconds... because there were only about 20 movies to choose from.

Back in my day, Robin Williams was legendary for being Mork. And everyone actually knew who Mork was, and where he was from - Ork. And if you said Nanoo Nanoo then people figured you were an ok person. When you cursed, you would say "shazbutt".

Back in my day, you went on dates with people that weren't divorced, and didn't have three kids from two previous marriages.

Back in my day, you didn't hear about things from web sites and emails, you had to go out and buy special books that were called newspapers. Instead of buying things on eBay you had to look through the classifieds section in these newspaper books.

Back in my day, you didn't have caller ID. If the phone rang then you didn't know whether it was your parents telling you to clean the house before they got home, your friends inviting you to a drinking session, a debt collector or real estate agent, or your 18 yr old contact who bought your alcohol and cigarettes... you just had to answer it!

Back in my day, if you wanted to steal music then you had to steal it... literally! We didn't have Napster and and MP3s! You would keep a blank cassette handy to record your favourite song on the radio, and curse when the radio bloke spoke half way through it. You'd be petrified to even go to the toilet in case your song came on, and when it did come on you broke land speed records jumping over things to get to the cassette recorder.

Back in my day, you didn't have CD burners. You spent three hours on a double cassette player to put together a 45 minute cassette that you'd accidentally record over the next day.

Back in my day, we didn't have mobile phones that we carried with us everywhere. Not only did we have to keep calling people at home, but we didn't have any push buttons on our phones! You had to put your finger in this round dial and turn it. And a redial button? We never even imagined it could be possible!

Back in my day, if you wanted to see a colour TV then you looked through your neighbour’s window, while listening to the sound coming from your black and white set.

Back in my day, one of the coolest bands around was the B52s. You loved their songs about rock lobsters and love shacks.

Back in my day, you could do your own car engine tune up. And if your car battery went flat then you could jump start it with battery cables without worring about blowing any $2000 computer chips.

Back in my day, we didn't have EFTPOS or even any ATMs! If you didn't get cash on Friday out of a place called a bank branch then you were pretty bloody hungry by Monday.

Back in my day, you were really vain about your car if it had a cassette deck and more than two speakers. Your car was posh if it came from the factory with an FM radio.

Back in my day, you didn't go looking for region-free DVD players, you were too busy trying to decide whether to buy a VHS or Beta video player. What’s Beta, you ask?

Back in my day, if you wanted to find the remote control, you just looked for the cord that connected it to the TV or video. Or, your remote control was the pool cue that you reached across the room with.

Back in my day, soft drink came in glass bottles. You would look around the neighbourhood for 1 litre bottles and go and get your 10c deposit refund from the local fish and chip shop. That 10c would buy you 10 one cent lollies!

Back in my day, if you saw a 5c coin on the ground you'd bend over and pick it up, and think how lucky you were.

Back in my day, a packet of cigarettes cost less than an evening meal. Teenagers smoked because they could actually afford to.

Back in my day, instead of speed cameras, you got your speeding tickets on the same day! Hand delivered, on the side of the road, just near where you had been speeding! You would get waved over by a very serious policeman with a speed gun. He would make you confess that you're an idiot that didn't deserve to drive, and then you drove really carefully and slowly for the rest of the day.

Back in my day, we never got paid into bank accounts, we got paid by cheque! A cheque was a piece of paper that came out of a thing called a cheque book. We didn't have instant bank transfers, we had to wait a week for the cheque to clear with the bank.

Back in my day, electronic games consisted of sitting down at the spaccies with a 250 ml can of Coke and a pile of 20c coins. Each game cost 20c, and two dollars would last at least an hour. Oh yeah, and that $2 was a paper note.

Back in my day, if you drove a V8 Commodore then you were a well paid professional person, and if you rode a Harley Davidson because you were a hoon.

Back in my day, you didn't have Google, you had to go to a library and look things up... in things called books! And if the book was out then you had to wait weeks until the person brought it back.

Back in my day, you didn't ask a girl for her ICQ number, email address, or even mobile phone number. You told a girl that you wanted to see her sometime and she gave you her home phone number.

Back in my day, you didn't have 24 hour petrol stations. You spent $10 driving forever to the only place in town that was allowed to be open, so that you could get $20 of petrol.

Back in my day, if you knew anything about computers then you were a nerdy geek instead of a respected professional. And instead of a Subaru WRX, you drove a rusty Datsun 120Y with P plates. You were a computer whizz if you remembered more than two commands on the Microbee, which ran at 1 megahertz.

Back in my day, you didn't have Quake 3, you had PacMan. A little yellow face moved around a maze eating white pills whilst being chased by different coloured ghosts. Then he'd eat a really big pill and turnaround and eat the coloured ghosts. You didn't think anything was odd about that.

Back in my day, you had to put up with all these old people whinging about how easy we had it in our day!
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
What Legacy did your Parents leave you?
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:36:56 PM

What Legacy did your Parents leave you?

To not ever have kids....

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
any good tips on nightlife in Tokyo
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:34:58 PM
Japan gets the occasional earthquake, so remember this:

Q: How do you have safe sex in Japan?
A: Do it in a doorway....
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
If you won 1st div lotto, how would you deal with it ?
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:33:34 PM
I'd call up the 4,825 other people that also won first division that week and ask what they were gonna do with their $1,000 lotto prize.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
annoying phone calls and door knockers
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:29:01 PM
I actually did answer the door naked once, many years ago - was bonking my girlfriend at the time on the loungeroom floor in her flat, just near the front door.

There was a knock on the door, and whoever it was just kept on knocking. Finally, I jumped up, threw the door open, and yelled out, "what!?!?!?!" (with Melissa still naked, a couple of metres behind).

The looks on the Mormons' faces was priceless. I then said that I was almost finished, and that they should come in and have a go as well.

One of my few regrets in life is not having a camera handy to capture the looks on their faces. They had absolutely no idea how to respond.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
annoying phone calls and door knockers
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:23:35 PM
For door knockers, I tell them a story that I work night shifts, supervising a manufacturing factory.

Thanks to them waking me up, I now won't be able to get back to sleep, and I'll be dead tired tonight.

Thanks to them disturbing my sleep, they have ruined my day, and I'm going to be grumpy and tired because they woke me up. Actually, they've ruined the entire week, because it will take me several days to get back to my sleeping routine.

And the lives and safety of people will now be at risk because I won't be fully alert.

All thanks to them invading my privacy.

Yes, I actually do this... did it to some Mormons last week. Dammit, if I knew it was Mormons before I answered the door, then I would have done the whole thing stark naked.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
Things that go missing around the home
Posted: 9/5/2007 2:28:33 PM
My virginity seems to get lost around here pretty regularly. It turns up again periodically.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
stop dating now!
Posted: 8/12/2007 10:38:24 AM

Recent clinical research has revealed that if people got dating and sex off their mind they could be 800% more productive at work.

How would this theory apply to a prostitute/sex worker then?

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
Eyes closed??
Posted: 8/12/2007 10:29:02 AM
Always close my eyes - don't want to look at that ugly thing between his legs

Awwwwwww... that's not a nice thing to say about the lady's face...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
Sensual parts of a womans body
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:12:27 AM
Sensuality is more about just touching certain places. There's a certain attitude and thought about it. This is a copy-and-paste of a post that I made back in March on another thread, but it sounds like some of it also applies here:

Ok, first of all, you have to know what it is that you are actually trying to do. Some objectives:

Stimulate and arouse her.
Not scare her... earn her trust.
Make her feel safe in your physical presence.
Show her how safe she can feel when you are in her body space.
Make her feel various emotions deep inside. Make her feel like a woman.
Show her how she inspires you... physically, mentally, sensually and sexually.
Bring her sensuality out. Entice her.
Most women are self-conscious. You want her to get over that. Bring out her inner passions and her self-consciousness will fade.
Tease her.. in a sensual and sexual manner. In a way that gets her attention, and arouses her.

Your state of mind:
- Do NOT think about sex constantly... most women love sex, but they need to know that it is their choice. Think sensually. Think passionately. Think sexually when you are actually having sex.
- NOT desperation. Confidence. Proceed delicately and respectfully, but confidently. This comes with practice. So I've heard. ;-)
- There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Women love one, and hate the other. Be respectful.
- Be fascinated by her.
- A little bit cheeky.

Some places where women are physically sensitive:
Her neck - back, and sides.
Ears and ear lobes, behind her ears.
The insides of her upper legs
Between her legs

- Whisper softly in her ear how beautiful she is... how much you want her... sound like you mean it. It's about soft intimacy. Passion.

-As you kiss her, use your hands, in a sensual way.. massage her ribs and back (put slide your hands up under her top)... massage her shoulder blades as you kiss her... kiss her passionately, not sexually... In your mind, think passion, emotions and sensuality, not sex. If you bring out her passion and sensuality, then sex will follow.

-Gently bite her neck with your teeth... gently... do NOT leave ANY marks. Don't focus on one spot for more than a couple of seconds - hickies are NOT sexy. You only have to move a cm or two, but definitely keep your teeth moving around, exploring her neck. If you do have some urgent need to give her a hicky, then do it on her breast, where it won't be on display for the rest of the world.

-Whenever possible, maintain at least two physical contact points. Work her senses. ie kissing and tingling the back of her neck, kissing and rubbing your fingertips behind one of her ears (ie very softly touching). If she is topless, then kissing and gently rubbing her nipples with your fingertips will impress her.

- Not all women like having their ear lobes and ears nibbled, but give it a shot anyway. You should be able to sense how she feels about it.

- Women love anticipation. Learn, and know how to tease them sexually. Explore the art of foreplay.

- In your next lifetime, be a Scorpio. Trust me.

- Wink at her. From any distance. With a cheeky smile on your face. Like you know something that she doesn't.

- Don't have sex with her. Make love to her, with your heart and soul.

- Look her in the eyes, look over her body, look over her face, then look her in the eyes again. Tell her how beautiful she is... like it's something that you just can't help saying. Be sincere. Make her wait a few seconds before you say it... build up some anticipation - she knows that you're thinking something, she needs to know what... hold back for a few seconds and her need to know will mean that the words will have extra effect.

- Open a door for her, occasionally. Not all the time, then it gets silly. But, here and there, open the car door, normal door, etc. Like an old fashioned gentleman. If you're going to the car, be sure to unlock her door first.

- Send her flowers, with a simple card. Keep it honest and sincere. "To Someone Very Beautiful..." always goes down well. So I've heard. ;-) If you can't write decoratively, then find someone who can write it in calligraphy.

- Explore her body. Explore her sensuality. Explore her passion. Explore her soul. Learn from it all.

- During casual conversation, learn things about her... find out when her birthday is. Find out what flowers she likes. Do so with casual, off-the-cuff comments. Do this without arousing suspicion.

- Do some massage courses. Massage her in a relaxing way, and she'll realise that she can trust you. Massage her in sensual way, and she'll realise that you are a talented lover. With massage, you can explore her body with your hands.

- Keep massage oil handy, and have it scented (ie sweet smelling, strawberry is good). Keep a bottle next to your bed, and a bottle in your car.

- Learn to unclip a bra clip without looking at it. ie by reaching around as you are kissing her. Undoing her bra will give you better access to massaging her shoulders, and possibly her nipples. Stuff this Osama Bin Laden character, whoever invented the current bra clip design has a lot to answer for.

- Communicate with her... ask her what she likes... get feedback... it's not about "was I any good", it's about developing an insight into what she likes. With enough practice, you'll learn to sense it all automatically.

Personally, I have slept on many couches over the years after completely stuffing up these techniques. ;-)
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 88 (view)
How do you ask for sex?
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:02:14 AM
Naturally, such a question requires a great deal of diplomacy and tact. However, there's a lot to be said for simplicity, so you'll find considerable success with:

"Nice shoes, wanna ****?"
"I want sex. You'll do."

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
What drives you up the wall?
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:15:51 PM
People that post meaningless drivel in forums, that makes absolutely no constructive contribution at all, because they are sitting up late with their laptop in bed and couldn't come up with anything clever to say at this precise moment in time. Stupid vain **stards.

Oh. Oops.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 147 (view)
poems that YOU wrote.
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:09:40 PM
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Ah, what the heck,
You'll do.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 180 (view)
What do men really want???
Posted: 7/29/2007 2:57:41 PM

What does an independent, confident, good-looking nice guy want?

Usually another independent, confident, good-looking nice guy...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
my date told me they were kinky but it was too much
Posted: 7/29/2007 2:22:03 PM

She then said what she'd really like to do to me that night was tie me up

Ok, so maybe some guys are a tad commitment-phobic, and some women have trouble getting a guy to stick around for while, but surely this is going a bit far?

She'd said she'd really like to rub a cheesegrater on my privates and draw blood.

Stuff wearing a condom, that's only rubber... for protection there, you'd need something made out of bullet-proof kevlar!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 106 (view)
Who here has guns at home?
Posted: 7/27/2007 11:04:35 AM
I don't have any guns - my ability to shoot my mouth off is enough trouble!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
Are all men only looking for Sex
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:06:24 AM

And yes, before you ask, I've turned it down a lot. 4 times in the last 12 months alone.

Yeah, I hate it when I go past a brothel and have haven't got enough cash on me as well...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
what happens when you cannot get it up
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:41:49 AM
If she laughs at you for not getting it up, then just tell her that you didn't have any problems with the lady that you had sex with a few hours earlier...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
Are all men only looking for Sex
Posted: 7/27/2007 2:50:59 AM
I can't imagine a guy saying, "Oh no, I want to get to know you. Please don't go down on me. Please put you clothes on, I don't want to ravage your body. I can't go through with this because I don't need sex."

There have been certain sexual situations in my life where I really, really, really wish that's what I actually did say! *sigh*

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
I'm Fine!
Posted: 7/25/2007 12:41:06 AM
Men say fine and that means that things really are fine. Women say fine, and that means that really they want you to suffer a horrific agonising death right there in front of them.

This why things go wrong with international relations. Men with years of diplomatic experience try and encourage militant countries to calm down. They do so with with hours and hours of endless rhetoric conversation. These men spend their lives trying to putting their point forward. This isn’t working.

Iraq is a mess; Iran isn’t doing much better. North Korea is breaking world records for having a chip on its shoulder. We should send women diplomats over there instead. They could just walk into the diplomatic conference and say something like, “Everything’s ok... we don’t mind about human rights issues; or that you are developing nuclear weapons".

"We just wanted to stop by and let you know that despite the fact that we have thousands of nuclear missiles aimed at you, and an army that could obliterate your country in about 43 seconds, everything is just fine.”

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 67 (view)
Nice guys, do they..
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:55:53 AM
Of course bad guys get laid more, they are more inclined to say and do whatever it takes to get a chick in the sack.

Nice guys don't:
- get girls drunk to get them into bed
- get girls stoned/high on drugs to get them into bed
- tell them that they love them to get them into bed
- make b*llshit promises of commitment, etc, to get them into bed
- use various methods of cheating and short cuts, just to get girls into bed.

Face it, nice guys don't market themselves anywhere near as aggressively. Silly twits.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
Is internet dating flawed, the pheromone theory.
Posted: 7/24/2007 5:49:33 AM

One thing I do know, no amount of pheremones can counteract a man who turns up for a first date in a pair of trackie dacks with the legs tucked into his socks!

Oops. Sorry, my bad. I thought that the sexy Hawaiian shirt would have offset that. Darn. Back to the drawing board...
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
Being told that you are not good in bed.....
Posted: 7/23/2007 12:08:33 PM
Just tell each girl that it was your first time. If you're good then she'll wonder how much better you'll get. If you're crap, then you've got an excuse.

I'm 35 now... dunno how much longer that one is gonna be believable for...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
Appropriate/ Inappropriate places to meet women
Posted: 7/23/2007 12:03:44 PM

Where are places to meet women?

Lesbian nightclubs.

Which places are downright inappropriate to pursue this king of difficult tasks?

Lesbian nightclubs.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
when is the right time to have sex withthe woman?
Posted: 7/23/2007 11:47:24 AM
Well, not right now, I have a headache...
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
What turns women on?
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:55:20 PM
When she hears those immortal words that she's been longing to hear....
"You'll do."

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 59 (view)
The myth of doggie style
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:07:06 PM

Men, is it true that you go f0r doggie style when you don't want to look at your girl when you're doing her? Or, because you don't find her attractive?

It's got nothing to do with how attractive she is or isn't. That's what the light switch is for.

I'm not a huge fan of doggie myself, but hey, at least it means that I still get to watch the motorbike racing on tv....

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
when is the right time to have sex withthe woman?
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:00:26 PM

When is the right time to have sex with the woman?

Once you have agreed upon the hourly rate, as soon as possible!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
Would you leave your partner if they posed nude for a magazine?
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:33:48 AM
Over the years, I have met and socialised with many women that could have easily modeled for advertising campaigns.

The only problem that I have is that the photos would have only been appropriate for using for "Before" photos in "Before & After" comparisons.

*sigh* Ah well.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
Weirdest thing POF person asked you!
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:42:52 PM

I think the oddest POF guy was the one who offered to buy me leather clothing.

Question: Who do guys like it when a woman dresses up in leather?
Answer: Because then she smells like a new car!

This thread has actually been very useful. I'm a very straight forward and normal person (well, that's what the voices in my head keep telling me). But if, for some reason, some day I need to discourage someone from being interested in me, I'll be coming back to this thread for ideas!
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
Have you missed your true vocation...
Posted: 7/14/2007 1:24:22 AM
My true vocation in life is to spend time browsing web site forums, and posting the occasional useless, meaningless comment.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
moustaches, beards or both?
Posted: 7/13/2007 11:34:16 PM

Most of the men in the 48-55 age group either have a moustache, a beard or both.

That's because after paying off ex-wives and child support, they can no longer afford to buy any shaving gear.
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
Can a woman be too intimidating to approach?
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:05:56 PM
I was in the bar one night, and I didn't have a single guy approach me.

Stop hanging around gay nightclubs then!!!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
What is it with guy's and massages?
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:03:28 PM
Oh, offering massages is soooooo sleazy!

Offering breast examinations - heck, there's nothing wrong with that!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
honestly guys, have you ever...
Posted: 7/13/2007 9:53:08 PM

Have you ever told a girl that you met & was totally hot for and started dating that you wanted strings attached (something serious) just to keep her around or to have sex with her??

Yeah, I do that all the time, at the local brothel...
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
masturbating neighbor
Posted: 7/9/2007 12:03:15 AM
If i put my ear to the wall i can hear her vibrator

Give her the gift that keeps on giving. Batteries. Rechargeable ones.

If you can hear her masturbate, then she'll be able to hear your stereo. So, start playing the song, "I touch myself" whenever she masturbates.

If you want to really have some fun, join a chess club and start having chess matches at your place. The background noises would make for some interesting games (and lots of crossed legs).

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
What is the most times that you have masturbated in one day?
Posted: 7/5/2007 12:18:25 AM
What is the most times that you have masturbated in one day?

Question: Why should women always use these two fingers to masturbate? (ie showing two fingers on my right hand)

Answer: Because they're mine!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
What is a reasonable expectation for help?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:55:24 PM
Softball game..... vs..... helping out the girlfriend after a near fatal car crash....

He chose the softball game.

Clearly a closet homosexual.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
female O-question
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:47:56 PM

Do men prefer "her" having a orgasm, during sex or with foreplay?

Personally, I've always wished that women would orgasm regularly during other activities, such as cooking, cleaning and washing the car.

Not that anyone does any of that stuff for me anyway... but it would be nice... and if women were regularly getting orgasms doing so then there would be substantially more interest from the female gender.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
while having sex...
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:38:09 PM
But guys, do you ever think of another female while having sex?

Ah yes, another one of those ones that can't be answered honestly, in case anyone that I want to meet in the future decides to look through my posting history. (Hi Simone, hi Janet, hi Nicola)

Ah, what the hell, might as well own up. Of course I think of another female during sex! My latest motorbike... sigh.... she sure does look nice and sexy...

Dammit, now I'm gonna have to make some phone calls and get someone over here...

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
Romantic Places in your TOWN, and horror holes?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:59:32 AM

What is the most romantic place that you have taken a date to and why?

My bedroom!

And do you have a horror episode of a place you will never revisit?

My bedroom!

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
First Date Disasters
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:40:15 AM
Someone came over to my place for our first meet in person. My bedroom is the only room with a heater, and it was cold that night, so we were happily sitting on my bed and talking, whilst waiting for pizza to arrive.

The regular delivery guy shows up, I answer the front door, and he says out loudly, "so Phil, got another girl in there tonight?"

The doorway is right next to my bedroom. Oh dear.

She ate three pieces of pizza and left immediately afterward. At 8:30pm.

Ah well, at least there was plenty left over for breakfast.

Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
OK, i need to know what i'm doing wrong
Posted: 7/2/2007 3:29:48 AM
You're a very pretty girl. But you've got three very young kids.
You've got a lovely smile. But you've got three very young kids.
You have a very nice look in your face. But you've got three very young kids.
Your profile explains that you have some very nice character traits. But you've got three very young kids.

We're males, so it's our instinct to compete for things. But when it comes to a girl with young children, we are going to come second place every time. And it's a very, very, very distant second. That's the way it has to be.

It is a package deal, and therefore an overwhelming concept for a lot of guys. That sucks, but many guys will be reluctant to ultimately get involved with another man's children.

You certainly are a very pretty girl, though. Be sure to let me know if you're ever in Perth.
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