Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Burn me once shame on him. Burn me twice shame on me. Who do I shame the 3rd time.?
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Burn me once shame on him. Burn me twice shame on me. Who do I shame the 3rd time.?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:57:54 PM
There is something about this guy you like. Isolate it and see if you can find that quality in a man that isn't so broken. Remeber... you can't fix him... or anyone else for that matter. All you can do is what is best for you.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Active dating now Vs 30 years ago.
Posted: 2/23/2013 9:43:27 AM
the biggest difference is the cars... I miss the muscle cars. lol
Other than that, its not so different. You meet people, you either get along with them or you don't. No expections now or then. I never needed anyone to complete me, I just wanted someone to share with. I am glad there are sites like this though. I guess that is the other difference. I don't feel like I have all the time in the world anymore. like the song says,... the future is uncertain and the end is always near. okay not near, but 20 years doesn't sound like that long of a time anymore.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Not sure why
Posted: 2/20/2013 11:16:11 AM
Not sure why... you are asking here? Shouldn't you be talking to her about this. The fact you feel you can't tells me you are worried about harming your relationship. If that is the case, perhaps its not as strong as you first thought. Just saying.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Relationship Wisdom
Posted: 2/19/2013 4:25:01 PM
People who make the same mistakes over and over are seeking a missing part of their own make up in someone else. It dosen't work that way, but how do you learn that? Usually by watching others make mistakes. It takes a very brave person to look at themselves and see what it is they truly seek and what they lack.
The easiest thing about relationships is learning from them. The hardest thing is to learn while in them.
You can read every book, you can watch every person, but until you experience it for yourself you will never truly understand how things will affect you. No two people are the same, and we are the sum total of our life experiences. What may work for one, may not work for another.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 166 (view)
 
Anyone else only come here for the forums?
Posted: 2/18/2013 12:04:18 PM
^^^^ Congrats Zermatt!
I am here just for the forums too. I live in a rural area, and I had no idea some folks think the way they do. Its been a great learning place for me. Last month was the one year mark for me and my sweety. :)
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 249 (view)
 
THINGS ALL MEN SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO WELL
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:20:21 PM
It is very kind of guys to offer to fix things. I am always pleasently surprised when it is offered. I cook too, never had a complaint.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Northern vs. Southern California
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:33:13 PM
I am in rural Northern California... and reading most the posts on here it might as well be a different planet. I am in the hills, pine trees, creeks, etc. Can't see my neighbors house, but I know them and they would help in a instant if I needed it. The guys are varied, from a bit rough around the edges to suits and ties. But there are no "clubs", no fashion police, just people. A very diverse crowd, from ranchers, poets, bank owners, ect. You just kind of find who suits you.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 447 (view)
 
How Would You Fix CA?
Posted: 2/13/2013 1:59:07 PM
I am so happy to see so much simple common sense. California is in big trouble. We are surviving on a wing and a prayer. Not enough people are working, too many are on assistance. Its really that simple. Liberal thinking is what got us in this mess. If you feel so strongly liberal boy, take in a few familiess and share your bread with people that feel they are deserving of things they have not worked for. Do all you can, then sit back in wonder when they complain it isn't enough.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Valentines Day-A time to not reflect on better times...
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:36:03 PM
I am old and not cool.. so its going to be steaks on the bbq, home made apple pie, and then that other stuff.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Dating Out of Your League
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:26:38 AM
It's funny. I took a 21 year break from dating, and had no idea where I stood with single men my age. I am down to earth so I never sent emails to men in suits. I am not a dress up person and figured that was a smart thing to do. I met a guy that on his profile was jeans and a nice button up shirt. Turns out he was a Dr. If I had known he as a physician I would never have emailed him and would have missed out on a really great guy.

I guess what I am saying is, don't sell yourself short, and go with your gut instincts. People with agendas do get found out eventially, so why not skip that part and just be you, and let them be them and see what happens. Seems too easy sometimes :)
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 9:49:33 AM
I don't understand why you have to make rules....each relationship is different. How can you make a future goal with someone else. I can see making personal goals, but when you add another human being how can you expect a specific outcome. It just goes how it goes.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Would you be upset if your SO did this?
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:13:51 PM
would I be upset?... heck ya I would.
I dont really understand your history, so I don't know where your head is at. But if you don't like it, ask him to stop, and if he doesn't.... time to make your choices.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
giving in
Posted: 2/2/2013 9:35:34 AM
Right or wrong? does it matter. You are looking for validation. You assume the reason he hasn't called is because of the differences in libido. Could be he is more spontaneous than you, and seeks someone more like him. You are trying to rile up the female side of this board to make yourself feel better about what has happened. Look in the mirror and seek truth, only YOUR truth. Only you know what happened.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
What kind of relationship are you looking for here?
Posted: 2/1/2013 8:07:30 AM
I think the endless chatters and emailers just arent sure what they want. So they keep "busy" online. Some are scared and unsure, some lied on their profile. Anymore it is hard for some people to handle real life, and the online world is enough for them. Its kind of sad.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 156 (view)
 
Of which astrological sign are most divorced people?
Posted: 1/31/2013 11:04:43 PM
I am not sure if its astrology that creates certain personality traits, its my theory that it has more to do with the way the baby was tended that predetermines these traits. Summer babys are treated much different that winter babies... In the hot summer months, babies are clothed much "free-er" winter babies are swaddled longer to keep warm. Just an observation.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Relationship Goals..
Posted: 1/31/2013 9:12:11 AM
If you are complete when you start this journey, you seek a likewise companion. Someone that has their life, but makes time for you as well. Someone that respects boundries, yet builds a life with you. Its a hard combination to come up with. But it appears it can be done. It takes time and patience and trust. 3 things that can be a rare commodity at our age.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Relationships
Posted: 1/30/2013 1:47:04 PM
There are other things that draw people apart. There was NO trust in my marriage and after 20 years I finally realized you can't build anything without a foundation of trust. No rules were broken, yet the emotional toll of having someone constantly accusing you of doing wrong just got to be too much for me. People need to be appreciated and honored. To honor was in that vow as well.
Abusive can take on many meanings, there is emotional abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse and physical abuse. Just because there are no bruises doesn't mean harm wasn't dealt.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
breaking down the wall
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:50:55 PM
He is an ass.. and he gets women that have no self respect. Granted they are easier to keep on the line...but who whats someone that puts up with unkindness? Guess I dont get it.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
breaking down the wall
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:44:57 PM
^^^^ the good "chicks" don't. We like kind people, folks that have heart and can be a decent human being. ***holes are for losers and other ***holes
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Relationships
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:33:22 PM
steve that is beautiful. I have found someone, but my family days have past me. He won't let go of me, he is careful and kind. I am so blessed and I cant beleive there is someone out there that care so much. I wish what you wrote for everyone that wants it. Thank you for the beautiful words!
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 32 (view)
 
How long did you wait for him or her?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:07:57 PM
I think people should be "healed" before they seek a new relationship.
When I first moved out after a 21 year marriage, I met the coolest guy. I fell hard for him. He told me he was broken, aand unavailable, and he was right. However he is the best friend I could have. I respect the hell out of him, he was honest and didn't string me along. He is still broken, still unavailable, and we are still friends. People give what they can, you can't ask for more.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Bumps in the Relationship
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:01:21 PM
No one person can be all things to another.
Sounds like she might need to find things to enjoy when you are working. Hobbies, reading, etc.
If you two love each other, and it does sound like you do, she will have to come to terms with your ambition. And chances are she respects the life you are trying to build for you, and perhaps her someday. You are young, and some people mature quicker than others. Some can't see the big picture, some can.

People need a certain amount of time with a "mate" to feel they have a good connection. She may require more than you are able to give. It takes time to find that sweet spot. Text her out of the blue, show up for lunch, do small things to let her know you are thinking of her.

People should give only what they freely choose and take only what is freely offered. If it doesn't sync up, the big decsisons have to be made.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Meeting my crazy family.
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:47:01 PM
What if his family is crazier??? Don't worry so much about it, he isn't dating them, he is dating you.
Seems the only worry would be if you are listening to them....
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Honesty
Posted: 1/27/2013 10:01:12 PM
^^^^^ what a nice way to put it :)
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Hard to believe this behavior in men over 50..
Posted: 1/27/2013 7:21:48 PM
I find this post interesting. You have the right to say no. There is no blame or fault. If you felt bad that is on you, not on the guy. At times it seems we are like fish out of water, wondering what the rules are. Some men assume that if you are on a dating site you are easy pickens. Some men do not feel that way at all. Its all about decerment. How did he behave on the phone? Did you talk about anything date wise? Did you express your expectations? How about some communication?
Most men, and I will say most, play it by the woman's lead. It is her call after all.
I am careful about letting guys know were I live, just a wee bit of paranoia I have.
Another thing I wonder.... I was married for over 20 years. After I got divorced I sort of regressed to where I was before I was married. I wonder if we all kind of do that, go back to the last time we were single and start from there. I actually went back a bit further than that... lol But I caught up to my 30's quickly.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Honesty
Posted: 1/26/2013 10:45:14 AM
OP your query is written very interesting. Its like an ad in the penny saver.
Not all people are great at expressing themselves online. It doesn't mean they are dishonest. I know people that stress for long periods of time just to write the perfect sentence and still it doesn't show an example of who they are.

The things you are fearing are things you worry about yourself. Dishonest people think all people are liars. Cheaters think all people are cheating, etc.

If you don't trust men yet, perhaps you aren't ready to get back out there. Make some friends, and just have fun for a while until you can lighten up a little and have fun with all this.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 389 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 1/26/2013 10:34:12 AM
^^^ as much as I would like to disagree with you, it is true. We do tend to want someone that can "protect" us. This includes finanically, physically and emotionally. And while it is true we can take care of ourselves, when looking for a "mate" we want someone on an equal scale (if we are honest about our intentions).

There are just as many men out there looking for someone to pay their way as well. And some women have been taken by them to the point they fear expressing their financial status until they are very comfortable with a person.

I was raised that your finances are private, not a topic for polite conversation. (yes I am older than a lot of you lol) But many of the rules have changed, some for the better, some for the worse. I still rarely pay for dates, but I will cook a nice meal, or if there is something I want to see or do, i will buy the tickets.

I think our biggest fear is being taken advantage of. It hurts. But if you never take a chance and become stone hard in your thought process you might miss out on a great person.

It just seems if you take things a bit slower and get to know people better, less friction can happen. Con artists are always in a hurry. They need to know if you will "pay off" or not.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Conformist or non conformist?
Posted: 1/23/2013 2:35:00 PM
It does seem in society we have to conform to certain standards to get along. Most have some type of moral basis to them. But to express yourself and to be who you are meant to be would require a more nonconformist attitude. No two people are totally alike. You would have to bend who you are to fit the mold and I don't think you can do that for long and remain healthy.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
He refuses to take any blame!
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:33:14 PM
run....
There is a thread about borderline personality you might want to read.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Self Esteem Boost?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:30:23 PM
I was on Match. Got about the same amount of responses there as I did here. They were different responses though. A bit more cautious and let to more meets. Here its like not all people are really serious about meeting folks, more of an online relationship thing. That was my experience.
I didn't care for E Harmony.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Red Flags In Emails & Phone Conversation from men
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:23:12 PM
wow.. I met a guy at his house. I didn't know if I wanted him to know where I lived yet. Come to find out, he had vision issues and it was the safest thing to do. Not all situations are the same. Not all people are unkind or rude. I feel I have very high standards, but I am not closed minded either. Just a person trying to get along with other people. I have no fear of appearing desperate because I am confident. Self esteem and rigid rules kind of cancel each other out.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Be careful who you trust! A life's lesson
Posted: 1/19/2013 9:52:03 AM
I am sorry you are hurting, but there are holes in your story.
was she saying you are lazy, or you aren't working?
What was it you she was bringing to the relationship, or did she just have to be hot?
Some things you "knew" but let go just to have her.

Point of fact .... if people hate the parent of the opposite gender, beware. There are issues there and they will spill over to the relationship. You can be upset about treatment by your parents, but grownup enough to forgive them. Most parents figure if they are doing better than their parents they are successful. ie... I drink, but I don't beat up my kids like my dad did... Or yeah my house is messed up, but the laundry is done, and thats more than my mom did.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What are some things that you relate more with the opposite gender?
Posted: 1/19/2013 9:37:08 AM
I like power tools and I am remodeling my house
I like may awesome tractor (my boyfriend has tractor envy)

I am learning how to fix stuff around here and I like that too.
What is cool about most guy stuff, is after you are done you can see what you have accomplished (in the maitainence stuff Painting, ect.) Just general stuff like laundry ect is never done so there is no feeling of completion.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How do I make her feel like the only girl in the world?
Posted: 1/11/2013 8:38:29 PM
Everytime you get together, for dates or just to hang out, kiss her hello, give her a kind hug. Then look at her, really look at her, see how she is dressed, the look on her face, the way she is wearing her hair. Mention "something" about it. Is that new? I like this color on you. etc. Men as a rule are single minded, and there is nothing cooler than knowing their mind is on you. Its really quite simple.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What you DO like about men and women
Posted: 1/8/2013 6:06:37 PM
I love the way men smell.
I love the way they can see right into your soul.
I love the way they truly care and want to help you.
I love simple kind gestures.
I love how careful they are until they realize you don't have manhater issues.. lol
I love the single mindedness, how when you have their attention, you have their full attention
I love the fact they are appreciative of kindness.
and a whole bunch of other stuff too.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/2/2013 5:21:28 PM
I only met one guy that was icky. Everyone else was polite and kind. Seems you should be able to get some kind of idea what kind of folks they are after a few phone calls. The icky guy gave me clues, but I just didn't catch them at the time. people are people, it doesn't matter how old or where they live, there are good and bad, you just have to pay attention. Oh and Normal is in the eye of the other person that thinks they are normal too lol
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Just got out of an abusive relationship....
Posted: 1/2/2013 4:59:35 PM
I sequestered myself for about 6 months, just did what had to be done and spent time getting to know "me" again. I had a couple of decades of not being good enough to get over. It took time, but when I was ready, I re-entered the world on my terms. I am not looking for someone to "complete" me, as I am already complete. I just wanted someone to share my life with. Seems to work out better that way, depending on others to fill your voids will land you right back where you don't want to be. Stand strong on a foundation of self respect and be aware of things that don't feel good to you. Don't over look them, pay attention. We don't get along with everyone, but when you do find that person that likes you just how you are you will be much happier.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
A mess
Posted: 1/2/2013 12:23:18 PM
in my opinion its not your issue. A word of warning here as well.... If you step into this mess and he stays with her, you could be on the outs with your friend. Just let him learn this lesson and be there if he needs you. If the child isn't in physical harm, child protective services won't do much about it. Just sayin...

Its cool you care, and you "see" things so clearly, but he needs to make his choices. You are a good friend. :)
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 49 (view)
 
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/24/2012 5:11:25 PM
I just had my new bf here for Christmas with all my family. He came to support me and told me so. I dont see them often, but for some reason its always at my house. It was nice having him there, I wanted to share that time with him, and it went pretty well. We are pretty mellow people.. so there was no real worry.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Expectation of anger
Posted: 12/23/2012 9:58:12 PM
I was with a guy that would explode in anger out of no where, and I met a guy whose ex did the same thing. After we talked it all out, we realize we were "safe" from that behavior now. Its a great feeling.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Taboos with age difference ?
Posted: 12/23/2012 9:49:03 PM
There are women out there that are nearing the end of there time to have children that might want to start a family. Just keep on your course, be practical and honest with those you meet. Don't date looking for a mother for your children, date to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and hopefully it will all work out.

If you are only looking for a mother for your children, you are being very disrespectful to those you are dating.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
happy Holidays
Posted: 12/23/2012 9:35:48 PM
This is the first year I spent Christmas with just those I care for. I had to have our holiday get together today, but it was sooo worth it. We all had fun, there was no one uncomfortable... it just freeken rocked! What a concept to enjoy these fine times with people that you appreciate and that appreciate you.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 261 (view)
 
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/13/2012 3:48:36 PM
I was the appproacher... as apposed to the aproachee. Most were kind enough to comment yea or nay. Gave me a clue where I kind of stand in the world. I joined the day my divorce was final, and after 21 years of non dating, it was a real eye opener for me. Mostly in a very positive way :)
None of my queries were of a sexual nature, all were appreciation for something on their profiles. Those that were players were not interested and that suited me fine. I didn't want a sugar daddy, or anyone to support me. So it was pretty easy to find a nice guy I guess.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Higher expectations
Posted: 12/12/2012 12:50:43 PM
A possible reason for the age and divorce rate. When you are raising a family, working, and trying to maitain a life, it is easy to overlook things that are happening and not happening in your marriage. When the time comes to retire and be totally one on one with this person, there is no relationship anymore. A woman raises her children and enjoys seeing them grow, knowing that one day they will leave the nest and all that time of putting herself second will soon be over. There is nothing scarier to a woman/mother than to hear her spouse say, soon the kids will be gone and you can take care of me. I know that sounds selfish on the woman's part, but there comes a time when you want YOUR life back. Not to take care of of someone that can take care of themselves. Not all men are like that I realize, but it is a common theme in women my age. Just sayin....
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Why do middle age women still feel the need to be all kissy, huggy and feeling in a relationship
Posted: 12/12/2012 12:41:24 PM
It is my guess that the OP didn't come from a touchy feely family. Some people from that kind of rearing don't understand the joys of physical contact just for the want of being close. OP there is someone out there just right for you, another one that is more like "Sheldon and Amy Farafaler" from The Big Bang Theory. I hope you two find each other.
As you have read for the most part people love physical contact. Not just in bed but as a everyday reminder they are loved. The joy of romance will never fade for many, and I for one love that about the human race :)
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Sex on the 3rd date?
Posted: 12/8/2012 9:06:40 AM
Yeah I did fire back in anger. Yes people have bad days. But there are those that go beyond such things, and that was my point. I do apologise for my snarkeyness. Just hit a bit of a trigger point for me. I have more work to do.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Sex on the 3rd date?
Posted: 12/7/2012 10:25:12 PM
Whoa Jham123, that was quite an attack on a sincere post. I never have used sex for anything. You missed the point completely. but your anger must be justified in some fashion or you wouldn't have been so quick to wrap this up in a all inclusive ideal. I don't use people, I don't be unkind to people. AND I don't look for reasons to withhold sex. Yes it should be spontanious, but its pretty freeken hard to 'open up" to someone that has treated you like shit all day. That was my point. Get over yourself.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Sex on the 3rd date?
Posted: 12/6/2012 2:31:00 PM
Mike I read your post, and started to see a few things that I wanted to comment on.
You see to me, forplay starts when you get up in the morning. That first "good morning smile" if it exists, that thank you for the cup of coffee you were given, comment on breakfast, or even that "have a great day" as you head out the door for work. It starts with appreciation for the common things, little surprises now and then, and of course its a totally two way street. I don't know you, so I don't knwo if you were the kind of person that was aware and appreciated simple acts of kindness. Often times we treat complete strangers with more kindness and respect than those we are married to. We take our "mate" for granted. To hear someon berate you, your family, your cooking, their boss, the kids, and then say.. hey, ya know what would make me feel better? Lets have sex. I'm telling ya, constant ****ing is a real mood breaker. I am not saying you did that either... just sayin things I experienced.
 wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 47 (view)
 
It could happen to you
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:54:05 AM
The excitement of young love. Its cute, and just for those that are over 5o on here, it doesn't go away! lol I found love and felt like I was 16 again. It kind of freeked me out at first. All the happiness Brittney.
*** for the record if you leave your profile up, just looking for friends, there is no option other than types of dating for the subtype. I just got accused of being false for that on the California forum.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 349 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 12/4/2012 8:50:42 PM
No it said looking for friends...but to stop any confusion, I hid the profile.
 
Show ALL Forums