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 Author Thread: No Money and Looking for Love
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 131 (view)
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 8/3/2012 8:19:42 AM
Wow, I've been gone for awhile and was surprised to see this post again. I've reread what people have said and am processing it all. Ya'll are like the angel and devil sitting on my shoulder whispering advice.

It is actually a very hard shift to go from helping people to helping yourself.... since to make money that is really what it is about. You have to shift your focus from being selfless to selfish.

No one will give you love, this is a tough world.. You have no one but yourself to love you.

"For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"

Money is not just an object, it controls society. It affects everything we do.

I think when you have a family, suddenly your priorities change and what was just OK for yourself, now becomes unacceptable for those you love.
I one gazamegabillion percent (haha, if that were possible) agree with that.

I don't disagree entirely with any side of the arguement. Just want to update people on what is going on in this crazy thing called me. Especially because ya'll took the time to try and offer up your advice and perspectives.

The woman I was crazy about getting to know in April fell by the wayside. I maybe made the mistake of being totally upfront and honest about the situation and the plans I had made to try and "fix" things. Next thing I know we go from talking to poof, she's gone. (sad) :<

Hindsight is 20/20 and I more than likely should have eased into the conversation but (sigh) cest la vie.

The moral of my story is never disclose about your sorry azz to others specialy potential dates.

Yeppers. Agree with that one now. (haha, awww).

MSG 146. I know Maslow's HON. I am on the lowest tier and live like I am on the highest tier seeking actualization. So Dreamer_in_SC is correct

It is you wanting a different type of relationship than the one that you can afford that will be the issue.
And while that all sounds good on paper, I'm still reconcilling the needing to be able to "afford a relationship" with being able to have one. I guess right now to me, all that "stuff" is external and relationships come from internal sources like from love, trust, respect, honor, etc. You know... All that stuff that cannot be bought.

I'm single, but happy most of the time, so what do I know? haha. This is why I listen and take to heart everybodies advice.

I sit back and analyize things and realize that I am a weird bird and way on the end of the spectrum. When I had the most "money and things" was when I had a SO and she was able to keep me under control.

Since this is the "internets" and I really don't mind saying, that one of the biggest things that worry me is that I am "abnormal" or need professional counseling because everybody thinks and is so different from me. Not that I ever wanted to be one of the masses. But still...

MSG 152

you just need to hold on
(Smile) Thanks. That made me think of a song by Wilson Phillips "Hold On" So (((((Lonesome777))))) <--- Big Hugs.

I know this pain.
Why do you lock yourself
up in these chains?

No one can change your
life except for you.
Don't let anyone step
all over you...

Just open your heart and
your mind.

Is it really fair to feel this
way inside?


Thanks to everybody again. Lots to think about still but I feel recharged a bit and plan to "hold on for one more day"
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
Fifty Shades of Grey
Posted: 5/25/2012 5:47:58 AM
I've been seeing this book pop up alot lately. At first I thought it was about people getting older and hair color.

After getting laughed at :< I found out what all the hoo haa is about.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
Zombie Apocalypse U.S.
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:24:38 AM

somebody been watching the Colony?

I originally saw about these power conversion units from a paper written by a prof at Auburn University (War Eagle!) about how they powered a truck with it.

Just looked up The Colony's one. Blah. I can do better. They didn't even have a radiator/gas cooler on theirs. But I was amazed when it worked.

And "wow, a scifichicky?" Totally heart you! I'd have to shoot msg 8 (Igor).

We'd all be around the campfire.
scifichicky: "Where's Igor?"
me: cleaning pistol "umm, ehhh, dunno" (shrug)... :>
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
we are all individuals!
Posted: 4/29/2012 5:20:03 PM
Interesting. I did my master's thesis on this sort of topic. I theorized that individuals act as particles and groups of two or more act as waves. Much like the wave/particle duality of light.

Groups are more easily influenced because for there to be an "ism" like nationalism, there has to be the opposite of it. Somebody across some border somewhere. Whereas individuals have to be influenced one at a time.

Because of the (1 / -1) nature of groups (or belongs and don't belongs) groups are more prone to group think and localized biases. Groups are at their base a division method.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
Zombie Apocalypse U.S.
Posted: 4/29/2012 5:07:05 PM

The only thing there might be a shortage of would be pretty women

Once we lost the influence of the media around what is "pretty" and moved into survival mode; any woman who didn't want to eat your brains would become "pretty".

My dad taught us to box, but that seems rather lame for zombies.

Push a T-handled knife through the glove and start popping zombies in the brain pan. This is potentially more effective than guns because of the no ammo requirement and quickness of take down. But big disadvantage is way close combat and if the virus is transmitted via any bodily fluid - you'd need a face mask and could never get cut. On second thought, just run.

For me, it would depend on how fast the virus was spreading. If there were zombies beating on the door I'd clear and grab the boogie bag. If time permits, slow spreading, I'd use my 2 week reserves, monitor the situation, set up a defensive position, recon/buy additional supplies to prep for extended bug out.

Weird thing is that I was recently thinking about building a wood gasification unit to power a generator. Just because I'm cool like that. (Translation = a dork). :>
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 40 (view)
would you be upset?
Posted: 4/16/2012 10:58:56 AM
Don't sweat the small stuff... I used to be horrible at things like that.

Whenever I got asked a question like, "what color are my eyes?" I would answer, "umm, is beautiful a color?"
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
my fat cat!
Posted: 4/14/2012 1:25:09 PM
Silly humans...

You don't take a cat for a walk...

The cat takes you.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 39 (view)
Random Acts of Kindness -- Suggestions?
Posted: 4/13/2012 7:47:50 PM
omg. msg:44 Holly63. I loveeee you. That story touched my heart. Awesome. ((((you))).

The lady behind the counter was incredibly thankful and asked for my name etc. Thinking such info was " just for their records" I gave her my info. When I walked out I saw the looks and smiles on people's faces. Their smiles was thanks spoken word needed.

Anyway, getting back to my car, sure enough I got a parking fine. It was $90. I sat in my car and burst into tears for some reason.

A few hours later I got a call from the Crisis Centre. Someone in there had seen me in tears and took note of my car and number plate. The caller said "We paid your fine for you. Someone saw you. We hope you're okay. "

I was shocked!!

I do randoms all the time. This one time... at band camp... haha JK.

One day when I was leaving a drug store some young guy asked me if I could give him some money to catch a bus. I stopped walking, turned around and said,

"Really? Really? A bus? Do you need money to get on the bus or are do you just need money? Which is it? Because there is no shame in needing money. But there is never a reason to lie."

He said, "Needed money". So I said, "Fine" and gave him 20 bucks.

A few weeks later or so, I was at a fast food drive through and saw him working there. He saw me and gave me a thumbs up. I gave him a nod and drove away thinking, "Yay, one less thug in the making, good for him."

It's not often that a person gets to see the results of a random - but rest assured, that sometimes good things do come out of it.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/13/2012 5:04:21 PM
haha Procolharem. ^^^

To the OP. Send away. This is the 21st century for goodness sake. Some "rules" are meant to be broken. Good job to you for breaking the mold.

It actually is good that you are confident enough to reach out to someobody you find attractive and not bound down by some set of "rules" that you had no say in helping to develop.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 178 (view)
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:58:25 PM
I fall into that single, never married, category. Although, not quite 45, it is right around the corner.

Oww, was that my back aching? :>

I can only speak for myself and recently I've wondered about that question. Wondered if I was weird or out there somehow not to have gotten married or had kids. In hindsight, I never got married because I wanted everything to be "perfect" for her/us.

You know... House, security, good pay, etc. etc. But I never found myself in a position that I felt was good enough to make that plunge. So I waited and worked, and waited and worked and the years went by. It just never felt like it would be good enough for her.

I think it may have had something to do with growing up poor with 12 other brothers and sisters. I couldn't bring myself to make somebody else go through that. As I get older, I am realizing that there really isn't any "perfect" time other than right now.

I have had some good relationships that lasted many years and none of them ever asked or said that they required that sort of life. I just, was maybe young(er) and dumb about all that stuff.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 132 (view)
When someone points out that you're old..
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:38:23 PM
I always reply with something like "that's right, I old enough to have had every thought you've ever had at least 5 times.

Hahaha. That was fantastic. Second post too. Should have just stuck a fork in the thread. That nailed it.

I usually say, "Yep, you're right. I also have drawers that are older than you. What's your point?"

Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
Russian woman
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:30:44 PM
la la la... Scam... la la la...

I'm sure there are bunches of women locally, nationally, even hemispherically that you can date.

Don't send any money. First target is your heart - then your wallet - then on to the next person, wash and repeat. If you are going to get scammed might as well support the local economy.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
How many hours of online work to get one date?
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:12:24 PM
^^^ I think the girls next door are the hotties.
(tongue in cheek though - cause that is such a generalized statement).
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
my fat cat!
Posted: 4/13/2012 3:46:16 PM
Ugh. I feel your concern. I have a 24lb cat down from over 30lbs. Only thing I could do to keep him from eating all the food was to put the other bowl up higher. He was too fat to jump up there and get to it.

If it's an indoor cat make sure to check her nails to make sure they aren't turning back into the paws. Big cats are lazy, and I have to trim my fat cats nails cause he doesn't go outside much to wear them down and is too large to bend in the middle to chew them off. haha. (mumbling stupid fat cat, love him but sheesh).
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
How many hours of online work to get one date?
Posted: 4/13/2012 3:27:35 PM
Ding ding.

Time spent at a gym is worth twice the time spent online.

Stray Cat speaks the truth. And as a side benefit you get to be healthy. Imagine that.

IDK the time frames though. Just started. 1 hour and ticking. But I imagine in my situation it is probably 8 - 10x the time so I'm sure not liking the "6 hours average". Ack, I might surrender before the battle even begins - if that's the case.

60 hours? No freaking way. I have better things to do with my time than that. (barely, but still). haha.

Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
Do you ever feel like you can predict who will respond to your messages and who won't?
Posted: 4/13/2012 3:17:08 PM
Haha. I'm going to try and see if there is a prediction method. I am generally good at seeing patterns in behaviors so I should be able to put two and two together to make three - with enough emails.

I just got my 1st Unread Deleted. At least now I have my UD cherry busted.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
Not sure about my date tonight....
Posted: 4/13/2012 2:56:41 PM
I'm not sure what world I have been living in but one thing is for sure. I don't think like most of the people on here.

I see a list of negatives
teeth crooked.. beat up truck) et al.
followed by a positive
otherwise, he seems like a nice guy.

A fairly detailed list of negs with a generalized positive. I tend to look for the good in people. If there are negs, sure they exist but to rattle them off, bang bang bang, like that shows that is what you were focusing on. If the guy didn't have any more positives than "seeming" like a good guy then you 1) either weren't looking (shame on you) or 2) he didn't have any (then no need for a 2nd date).

If no chemistry, in the context of the OP, means strictly physical attraction then you should gracefully (or not so gracefully - depending on the type of person you are) back out. If chemistry in the sense of overall, everything combined, then you don't have enough information after one date to know.

My guess is that it means physically attracted. No overcoming that one. It's groins over sirloins. Meaning no amount of dates (sirloin steaks) will make the person tingle your dingle.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
Not sure about my date tonight....
Posted: 4/13/2012 11:34:40 AM
Something just isnt right for me and I don't want to have to go into a relationship trying to "fix" things.

Something about that statement made me pause. Try and not let prior experiences cloud your current situation. Preconceived notions, while ultimately may prove to be true, should not be used to fuel current thinking.

Everybody is a clean slate. Now if you have current misgivings such as zero physical attraction or you discovered some of your personal deal breakers, then that is different.

What we know is
- long fingernails
- beat up truck
- gambles
- no kids
- married twice
- seems nice
- didn't feel chemisty

Everything you listed is extrinsic except for the no chemistry. Intrinsic is a big deal. You can't force a square peg into a round hole.

The long fingernails are external and there may be an internal reason why he has them. Poor hygiene, doesn't own a fingernail clipper and stopped biting them, who knows. But until you figure out and understand the intrinsic thinking behind those things you are just guessing.

There should be chemistry, makes things better. But all the butterflies and singing birds aside, I am reminded of when Tevye asks Golde "Do you love me" from Fiddler on the Roof.

"It doesn't change a thing... But even so... After 25 years... It's nice to know....."
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 233 (view)
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 4/13/2012 11:06:16 AM
600 trials for 5 results. Hmm. I've been trying to figure out what about this was setting off my brain buzz.

I'm getting close to trying to date and was like, holy crud. I'm screwed. No way is there that many women who I'd find attractive and compatible. Let alone the fact of them finding me attractive and compatible enough. So what the heck is going on here?

No way I can manage that many emails. Each trial (email) is independent of the others so "more" does not change the initial probability. Ceteris parabis would suggest that there is something else, or many something else's, are going on. For example, what is the chance of a single email getting responded too. If poorly written, not attractive, no commonalities, etc. Then the odds are pretty low. Not zero due to variability - but almost.

I saw golf ball references in earlier posts. Not sure if those were supposed to be goof balls but I'll use the golf ball analogy. If a person swings a golf club and manages to get the ball down the fairway - chance are really good that the ball will land on a blade of grass. If you are aiming at a particular blade of grass the chances of landing on that single blade are crazy bad. A ton of variables have to be considered and addressed besides just "grip it and rip it".

With time being a function of effort then I suppose I would prefer the individualized approach. But then again. As some have said, they've been there - done that. Aw heck, idk. Still trying to figure women and dating out without becoming all jaded and cynical. Good thing for me is that I don't have any, or at least that many, bad experiences with women. (yet). Rose colored glasses and all. But figuring them out. Makes my head hurt. Like how many licks to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

Lick (one), Lick (two), Crunch (three). The world may never know.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 516 (view)
Double standard on Oral?
Posted: 4/12/2012 5:03:20 PM
Holy cow. 35 pages?

Not really a quid pro quo person myself.

But what do I know? Last time I got oral sex was a woman saying "eff u" and giving me the finger.

Like Yoda says, "Do or do not. There is no try." Meaning, like it or don't like it. No pressures or worries. Because a comfortable woman can be taken to new heights.

Hmmm, just thinking that quoting Yoda may not be the best way to actually get somebody to perform oral sex. :>

Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 139 (view)
Question about golden showers
Posted: 4/12/2012 4:40:17 PM
I tried golden showers once.

All I got out of it was a stained carpet...
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 455 (view)
Can women REALLY get laid whenever they want?
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:13:35 PM
I would say yes to the question.

I used to have a saying. "Go ugly early... The selection is better and you avoid the 2am rush."
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
She Knocks 3 Times And Leaves ????
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:52:44 PM

Well at least she didnt knock three times on the ceiling and twice on the pipe

Haha. That was what I was going to say. Drats.

OP, sounds like a little bit of games are being played here. Left for a few weeks to see if she missed you? Never heard of such a thing.

Def. don't go to her work. Pick up the phone and COMMUNICATE.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:55:55 AM
Hmm, interesting.

I think the biggest problem people have with "surrendering" to another is that the very concept brings up notions of vulnerability. Which is a scary concept.

When I was in the military it was an impossible thought to surrender to the enemy. Death before dishonor and all that jazz. In this scenario, no, one should not surrender their morals or principals. Ever.

Under a different connotation, such as applying it to relationships. One isn't asked to surrender their morals or what makes the person - them. The surrender is giving up ones walls of protection and becoming emotionally vunerable. I think it is common behaviour and understandable that people have barriers to protect themselves. Being vulnerable leaves one open to being harmed or hurt. Not a fun proposition at its face.

A person either surrenders under duress or voluntarily. Nothing good can come out of being forced to surrender - except ending hostilities. But to voluntarily surrender means to give trust to the other person that they will not cause harm or hurt. And that can go a long way towards strengthening the relationship, given that the trust was warranted in the first place.

So to answer the question. No, surrendering is not a requirement to be in a healthy relationship. Obviously, because there are millions of relationships that exist without it happening. It just amps it up to the next level.
I personally think, a level in which everybody should be aspiring towards.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 46 (view)
How do you feel about 'retouched' photos? (AKA. Photoshoped profile pics!!)
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:07:23 AM
I suppose simple PS is ok. Viva la digital world. Too much is a misrepresentation and should be frowned upon.

I photoshopped out my third arm that comes right out of my chest. Cool thing is when I dislocate it and then twirl it like a propeller. Now if I can only find a woman with three breasts. . .
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
No one will EVER want YOU.
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:35:35 AM
OP, don't believe the hype. There are plenty of people that will want you. In fact, there is some mysterious guy right now out there who is dying to meet you. He will want you for everything you are and will give you his heart. Don't fret about it. Remember that each person is a new instance. Just hit the reset button and try not to carry forward the bad.

One thing, I'm just noticing is that the population on here is not all that representative of the general population. Or maybe it is and people are just more open to be Dbags online. Either way. Remember that cream and crap rises to the top. You have to swim through a lot of crap to find the cream.

I was starting to think that it may be me "bringing out" the ass in these guys..

Not you at all. It would have been anybody who brought out the ass in them because they are well, asses.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
Inverse law???
Posted: 4/3/2012 10:22:54 AM
y = k/x at the point x=1, y=k, showing proportional interest at one point doesn't imply either a direct or inderect proportionality

That is called a straight line. If we are talking inverse or direct proportionality. You can't seperate (k/x) like that. y does not equal k, y equals (k/x) together.

In the "stalker" scenario that would imply an inverse relationship. But you can't take one side of the extreme without the other. Which means NO interest would mean MORE interest in an inverse proportional theory.

Like he said.
According to the inverse law theory, shutting down your page should increase the chances

If neither or one of the extremes doesn't make sense then the theory doesn't work.

I don't adhere to either one. Inverse or proportional. I think like you were saying it is more of a straight line scenario with maybe a slight proportional tilt.

Interesting the variablility though. I bet if I thought long enough I could write an algorithm for it.

And Hahaha.
physical characteristics x 3.14159
I got that. Math humor. Funny. But shame on you. :>

Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
Inverse law???
Posted: 4/3/2012 8:24:32 AM
Umm, inverse law would mean that the MORE you invest in dating the LESS amount of interest you would get back.

Is that what you are meaning?

Or is Directly Proportional more accurate. Meaning the MORE you invest in dating the MORE amount of interest you get back.

If you mean inverse then the more investment made would mean that they would become less and less interested in you as you went on. If so, I sure hope not. That is a losing proposition. (y=k/x)

The opposite of that would be the LESS you invested in dating the MORE interest they would have. If that is the case, I'm ignoring every pretty gal I see. :>

Many people think it is directly proportional though. (y=kx)
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
Dates who show up, see you, and then leave...
Posted: 4/3/2012 8:04:32 AM
Aww, sorry and hate to hear that it happened to you. The world if full of people who do strange things. I do my own share of stupid things but try not to be rude. That was just rude.

Besides, you really can't tell if a person is your type without talking to them. Unless there is zero physical attraction. I always believed that you can't see psycho - you have to hear it.

Don't fret, you are attractive and I'd cut off my left foot to get a date with someone as pretty as you.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 72 (view)
Date left when she saw what was for dinner :(
Posted: 4/3/2012 7:39:03 AM
I would like point out for the record that he did not cook that meal. Here is a picture of it from the web. All you people who are calling some woman who probably doesn't even exist a bad person should really evaluate things a little better.

Something wasn't adding up to me and it took about 5 seconds to find out that it is all baloney.

Carry on with all your judgemental selves.

As far as the OP (winning) more like (losing).
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
am I being SCAMMED???
Posted: 3/31/2012 11:18:33 PM
I am the first person to say follow a person's heart. But in this case...


Not only because you have the feeling that you might be getting scammed. Which is usually our inner smarter voice saying, watch out.

Cease all contact and don't give out any more personal information. Sorry, I know you wanted it to be real. (don't we all). But in this case. Stop, Drop, and Roll before you really get burned.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 393 (view)
are the gas prices killing you yet
Posted: 3/31/2012 11:08:12 PM
Well, a school bus. Yeah.

But public transportation. Nope. Never figured out how they work with the schedules, numbers, names, exact change? (ack) confusing to me.

I don't have anything against it - just never really figured them out.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 60 (view)
Cancellation shows.....
Posted: 3/31/2012 10:53:22 PM

fleuron? do you even understand what you are writing?

I believe Fleuron is using a style of writing called the "Theatre of the Absurd" just meaning "as an exaggeration". Not that she should actually wait for somebody like that.

She is only pointing out that ANYTHING could have happened.

OP, glad things worked out and you have a new friend. History is just water under the bridge. Good to see things moved forward.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 40 (view)
Date left when she saw what was for dinner :(
Posted: 3/31/2012 10:22:42 PM
I sure didn't understand the macros reference. Even tried looking it up being the good geek that I am. Nada. But via context I get it.

Where was she while you were cooking? Did she somehow manage to perfectly time showing up just as you were finishing cooking?

I would guess that she was there while you were cooking so should have been able to see what you were making. If she didn't say anything at that time something else prompted her getting irate and possibly the food was just a convenient excuse.

I would hazard a guess that if you would have included her in helping make the meal, even if all she did was sous chef, then there would have been no mystery on the contents of the meal and she might have even enjoyed it.

Whenever I cook for somebody I ask if they would like to help or at least have them nearby the kitchen with a glass of wine so we can still talk while I slave over the stove.

P.S. I absolutely love cooking for another person. There is nothing like preparing something from scratch with your hands and love that provides sustenance to another person.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 68 (view)
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/31/2012 9:46:09 PM
"Haste makes waste" Agreed.

I do like the 4 seasons rule. But wowsers. I wonder if I could even get married after just a year of knowing a person.

It is such a huge commitment to me that I would like to be pretty darn sure. But what do I know? Never been married. I can only imagine that a divorce would be quite possibly the worst thing I could ever go through.

And I've been through some major doo doo in my life.

Really intriqued by the 4 season suggestion though. Planting that seed in my brain to think about.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 391 (view)
are the gas prices killing you yet
Posted: 3/31/2012 9:28:57 PM
Heck yes, gas is getting crazy again.

I've never been on a bus before but thinking it might not be so bad.

I do miss just getting out and just driving around with the top down. I have found myself walking a lot more. No more jumping in car just to go to the store a few blocks away. I hoof it now.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 77 (view)
Cheney’s Ice Cold Heart
Posted: 3/30/2012 8:02:56 PM

On the upside though, his old heart was two sizes too small. I'm sure the residents of Whoville will be pleased he's getting a normal sized heart.

OMG. Laughing. Now that was freaking hilarious. +1 times 100. Too funny.

As long as he was donor listed along with everybody else or paid for the heart out of his own wealth then I hope he lives on. No preferential treatment due to status should be given if he is going to use the same healthcare system We should all play by the same rules there.

If he used his own money to facilitate getting a heart outside of the system. Then more power to him for that.

(And very few people dislike him as much as I do).
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 436 (view)
The Greatest World Problems
Posted: 3/30/2012 7:57:39 PM
^^^ That is just what I was going to say.

Apathy is right up there at the top of my list as to what is ailing this world. Have we all become so lazy that we are only concerned with the things that directly effect us?

My philosophy is that everything effects us. We are all connected. What hurts you - ultimately hurts me. What is good for you - is good for me.

People forget, or do not realize the impact they can have on people's lives without even realizing it. For example, take the person who is having just one of the "worst" days in their life. They think everybody just sucks. Then driving home, you wave them over and then they realize that not everybody is that bad.

Versus. Accelerating so you don't lose your place in line and reinforcing their negative beliefs. Either way you affected their life. Apathy makes us not care.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 7:18:35 PM
It's natural to become discouraged without encouragement. Trick is to encourage yourself first. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Evaluate what you want, what you are looking for and make changes if needed.

Try not to get caught in a downward spiral though. It becomes much more difficult to dig yourself out of that hole. Every difficulty that we face becomes an obstacle to overcome. Once we do, it makes us a better person for the next person. (hopefully).

Be discouraged, scream at the universe if you need to. If you can muster the strength give the universe a big ol middle finger and then smile. Life keeps moving along. Keep moving with it. Do not give up. This is for everybody who feels that way too. DO NOT GIVE UP. Other people's shortcomings are not your fault.

Things are only temporary. Not sure how some of ya'll became so jaded but a cynic is just a true believer who has given up the faith.

Remember that "Love will makes us whole". If your heart wants it - keep fighting.

Because when you find it - your heart will burst with such passion and happiness that any pain now will be washed away in a moment.

P.S. You are still young. (Not to minimize your feelings because of age) You will be fine. Heck, I have drawers that are older than you. Keep smiling.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
Getting Fired For Leave???
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:58:22 PM
As an "at will" employee. Somebody without an employment contract you can be fired for any reason other than protected classes (title VII) or FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act).

The bigger no no is the going around telling others. Confidential information can't be shared to non interested parties. This is probably a HIPAA violation.

Unless the leave of absensce falls under Title VII, disabilty or FMLA, pregnancy or other such issue then the approved leave of absence just means you're approved to be gone. No guarantees that you have a job when you come back.

Edit. Opps. Canadian. Beats me. My comments were for the US.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 80 (view)
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:54:56 PM
My 2c's

Cheating starts in the brain.

Like most have said. If the gf read and knew of the texts how would she feel? But that is looking at it from an external point.

Let's look internally. How does it make you feel? If you feel it is inappropiate than it is at least cheating in your book and if you respect the "other GF" in any manner (at least as another human) - it should be addressed.

hahah. somebody said douchebaggery. That is the most awesome fake word I've heard in awhile.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 105 (view)
percentage lying about age
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:49:06 PM
Interesting topic.

I remember when I was filling out the profile stuff and the age came up. I didn't think twice about putting my birthdate in there.

But a couple of seconds later. I was like, holy crud. Am I getting that old? It was almost like being presented and made to think about something that I haven't thought about in a long time.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 104 (view)
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/30/2012 1:03:46 PM
^^^ Agreed. Good insight.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 115 (view)
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/30/2012 12:57:36 PM
say you want that happy ever after 3 bedroom 2 bath white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog and cat. Brand new SUV or mini-van in the driveway.

I have that for the most part minus the woman, kids, and dog. I have two cars, one winter and one for the summer. I am not homeless or destitute.

think in terms of risk management, evaluation, and then decision.

I get this. I used to control the middle corridor of the United States from MN to Tx for a billion dollar company. My regions revenue was over 100M in just service revenue. So I know risk management and control.

I truly understand what people are saying. I'm fixing it. I was just frustrated because over the last couple of years I have spent 30-35 thousand dollars out of my savings to try and do some good with my life.

Just running out of dough and find myself looking at the bottom of the barrel. I would never ask somebody to sacrifice like I did/do for something like that. It was easy for me because I don't really need that much. But would NEVER ask somebody to feel an ounce of pain to be with me.

Only wanted some companionship during the transition back into money making mode. I didn't think it was going to be this big a deal. But guess I was wrong there. I understand that now.

If you have to live with roommates when you get older and have to take the art off your walls to pay your bills or go out on a date------then there is a problem.

Yeah, I know. (sigh). I just sold off an 800 dollar watch to get a few bucks so I could go on a date. I'm going to stop doing that. Because 1) I'm running out of watches and 2) its silly to be selling off all my personal stuff just so I can take somebody out on a date.

The last thing that frustrated me (and I'll stop) is that if I still had all that money in the bank and told somebody the situation things would have been just fine, I'm guessing.

But tell them my current situation and now I'm a dirt bag who is selfish and has no goals or ambition. What the heck.

I wish things had been different as much as the next person but I believe that if a person can't spend the price of a single freaking new car to try and make a difference in peoples lives then whatever. Maybe I was wrong. I don't feel like I was. But just maybe. I am open to the possibility that I screwed up.

Time to change though. I don't have any problem with change. I just won't change the core of who I am. I need to change because people are starting to get mad at me. For example, spring time is here and its golfing time. My friends want to go and say they will and want to pay for me - but I won't go because I d0n't want to take anything from them.

Probably need to change that too. As they say... Pride goeth before the fall.

Thanks again to everybody who provided their opinion and advice. It helped me to figure things out. My mind is clear and eyes opened. As I look at these last few computers to fix I am a little sad but happy for the change that's ahead of me.

- Fin
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
Relationships and technological communication.
Posted: 3/27/2012 9:31:34 AM
Liked how this started.
The problem is the USAGE. The way PEOPLE use it is what is wrong.

But then fell off the tracks.

Its kind of like a kid with a new toy. He eats the toy, plays with the toy, even sleeps with the toy. If he starts hitting people, or stops talking to them, because of the this point you should TAKE AWAY the toy.

How is it the toy's fault that the kid starts hitting people with it?

People need to stop applying human characteristics upon inanimate objects. In this scenario how can the toy be blamed for doing anything? Blame and responsibility seems to be misplaced. Responsibility belongs to the one doing the actions.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
Relationships and technological communication.
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:39:13 AM
as long as the technological communication doesn't affect those around you in a negative manner. Constant cell phone yapping in public places is an epidemic in the usa.

Illogical thought processes at work with that statement. Are you seriously blaming the technology for people's bad behavior? Technology is only an enabler. The person conducting the activity is fully to blame. Nothing more, nothing less.

It amazes me that people are unable to see beyond this and understand the root problems with issues.

Premise - Constant cell phone yapping
Premise - In public places
Conclusion - Affects those in a negative manner

Remove cell phone from the equation, put the communicatee with the communicator, and the result is the same. You have the same person, in the same place, "yapping". If that affects you in a negative manner than I suggust that it is you that has the problem.

Or if the people talking are just being loud and rude then that is the problem. Regardless of the form in which they are using to be loud.

It's only an "epidemic" in the USA because people here only care about how things affect them. Very individualized nation.

Instead of "Ring ring" amd people thinking "is this call going to disturb anyone?" It's "ring ring" they think "if the other person doesn't like it they can leave - it's a free country"

I say again, TECHNOLOGY IS ONLY AN ENABLER. If there is a problem with bad behavior it isn't the products fault.

Use of cell phones and texting while driving literally kills other people.

So does eating, drinking, reading books, putting on make up, dressing yourself, yelling at the kids, falling asleep et al. while driving. What's your point? That doing things that distract you while driving is dangerous? Well, you're correct and duh.

Keep it to yourselves, if you feel such a strong need to buffer yourselves with technology as opposed to being totally present with someone you love.

"buffering yourselves with technology" and "being totally present" are NOT mutually exclusive. Such a blatent fallacy and statement designed to denigrate technology.

(Your choice use of adjectives and their placement also speaks volumes about how you pesonally communicate.) FYI.

I admit and fully support the sentiment that face to face communication is the richest form of communication.

The problem with alternative forms of communication is in developing relationships.
If there is a relationship already developed, they are useful, as the communication is based on that relationship.
If you are trying to develop a relationship, and at some point it's going to turn into a directly interacting relationship, it's not all that useful and more harmful than useful.

NO! the problem is not with alternate forms of communication - it is with the very act of being able to communicate in the first place.

On a sliding scale of "richness" meaning how much meaning can be conveyed in the same amount of time, face to face wins hands down. (Well, telepathy would win but I'll stay real)

- Reading minds }:>
- Face to face
- Telephone
- Written
- Smoke signals

The whole process of communication is give and take.

1) Statement
2) Reception
3) Understanding
4) Confirmation

Easily done face to face. Harder to do without other visual cues. Which means that more effort needs to be put into the communication to be as effective.

When trying to have a text based converstation (written email, texts) statments can be made that without context or other cues the receiver can misinterpret or not understand.

The onus falls upon them to reply back and ASK what the original sender meant. Not get upset because they read something into it that wasn't there. This is the Understanding part.

If a person thinks they might be misunderstanding they need to get confirmation on what the sender was meaning and their intent. Before forming opinions or reacting. Confirmation.

I believe that those who have problems or issues with alternate forms of communication are lazy and just poor communicators to begin with.

Lazy in the regards that they do not seek to clarify the understanding portion and skip over the confirmation. Which by their OWN shortcomings causes a breakdown in communication. Not the phones/texts fault you can't seek either a restatement or clarification on the original message.

Being lazy and/or having poor communication skills is not the fault of the tool(s).

(Bunch of Luddites)
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
Relationships and technological communication.
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:35:23 PM
Jac, I agree 100% and heart you for such a well written post.

I believe one of the foundations of any relationship with family, friends, significant others, heck, even enemies is communication.

Communication is the function. The form is less important than the act of actually being able to express yourself to others. I am, for sure, a function over form person.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:55:50 PM
OMG. Life repeats itself over and over. These comments about the evils and perils of advancements in communications are just silly. I can hear the same things being said about smoke signals, the telegraph, and telephones. Nowadays it's just texting, email, and that nasty internet.

Of course, face to face is the deepest form of communication but the telegraph or telephone didn't end the human race and I doubt cell phones or texting will either.

I'm old enough (ack) to remember the transition from ONE main family phone to people having phones installed into their rooms to now most people carry a phone in their pocket.

Sorry for OT but geez people. Embrace a little bit of change and technological advancement.

That darn Alex G. Bell fella really messed things up for us.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 48 (view)
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:56:39 AM
^^^ Most awesome. Yeah, what Abelian said. ^5 to you.

There are billions of ants who have never seen a human before. This doesn't mean that humans don't exist. So everybody who forms opinions strictly on their own observations are, how to put this delicately, full of frickin horse ca ca.

That's why we have the scientific method of understanding things.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/26/2012 1:11:04 AM
OP, one of my favorite quotes is, "Expecting life to treat you fair because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian". I don't remember who said it. Too tired/lazy to look it up.

I think a lot of people think being in a relationship is some sort of right and that good realationships just fall out of the sky. It isn't - it is a privilege. And with all privileges and benefits it has to be earned and worked for.

Like most have said here. You first have to be happy with your own company before you can share it with somebody else. Or the unhappiness will bleed through and taint things unnecessarily.

If you truly want to find someone chase after it with as much gusto as you do other aspects in your life. You're in school, right? You wouldn't quit college because some class was tough or you hated the teacher. No, you would knuckle down, study, get an A, and excel at it. If you want an "A" relationship you will have to apply the same strength.

Heck, there are literally 157 million women who don't like me. I'll ask every single one until I find the right one for me. I only want one of them so that leaves 156,999,999 left for you to pick from. Start by finding things you enjoy, use it as a commonality and find a like minded female. She will start as a friend, then become your best friend, then your partner, then if lucky enough your wife. If not, rinse and repeat.

I didn't really want to point out a negative but when you say no time. I call BS on that. If you find somebody who you think something wonderful may come of it then you have to make the time or she really isn't the one. And you may have just rinsed away the one you've been longing for without even knowing it.

For example, why the heck am I up at this hour? I spent the day hanging with a "hopeful" so now I have work to do to catch up on things. Does it suck? Not at all because of the reward of getting to spend the time with her. You must make the time.

You need to adopt the philosphy that somebody on here helped me with. "No excuses." If you want something fight, kick, and scream for it. Do not give up without a fight. Because if you do - I question your desire to really want a relationship.

Remember that it is a lot like outside sales. Every "no" is a unique and individual "no" and they are not conditioned upon each other. They are all new instances. You may go through a hundred "nopes" to get one "yes" or it may be the very next one. Past answers are not really representative of the next one. (Unless there is some woman conspiracy that I've never been told about - in that case both of us are fubared).

So, I guess after all that I just want to say if you want somebody in your life....

- Ask, ask, ask
- Make room for them
- Be the person who deserves the privilege
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