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 Author Thread: Ever Gone to a POF Event Even Though You Might Encounter...
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Ever Gone to a POF Event Even Though You Might Encounter...
Posted: 8/28/2012 3:10:58 PM
You know, I had an interesting experience at the one I did attend. I talked to a guy at the party and afterward I emailed him about something we had talked about that night. He acted very interested and even gave me a link to his FB - I checked out his profile, he seemed legit. He also emailed me his phone number and asked me to call him. I waited a couple days, then called and left a message on his voicemail.

Then I get a return call - from a crying woman claiming to be his girlfriend. In the background I can hear him whispering to her. I explained to her at length that I had met him at a POF party, that he is on this site claiming to be single, that his FB profile has zero sign of any girlfriend, and that if she truly is his girlfriend she should prevail upon him to stop representing himself as single in such a public and constant manner. The whole thing seemed so fishy and staged I wonder what kind of game he was playing - was she a real girlfriend or a woman he knows that he uses to blow women off if he decides he doesn't like them?

So yes, I noticed he was right there signed up to attend the next POF party. And I was glad I had to work and couldn't attend, because it would have been quite hard not to confront him and/or "out" him to other women he was talking to. I am disgusted he wasted my time like that - after he met me - for no reason that I can understand, and I really would not like to see him at another event and watch him in action doing it to someone else.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Science Jokes
Posted: 8/28/2012 12:07:25 PM
Engineers and Managers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 74 (view)
 
In a relationship with a cellphone....
Posted: 3/21/2012 2:19:14 PM
I find it a major turn off. I recently tried to have a conversation with a new guy who contacted me. Said he's new to the area in the initial email. So I asked where he's from, and he comes back with "i'm from atl". Excuse me? I guess I can assume it means he's from Atlanta...but IMO a 2.5 word response to a question is not a conversation - much less if that's ALL you have to say. I told him I wasn't sure how to respond to that and he needs to put some effort into his end of the conversation...and of course never heard from him again. Most of the mail I get is like this - as if they're writing telegrams, and the effort of actually typing out entire words will wear out their hands too much to choke their chicken later on that evening. Lame, lazy, inarticulate, boring losers. Starting a conversation you refuse to fully participate in is no different than begging a girl for sex, then expecting her to do all the work - only in your dreams!
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 46 (view)
 
french kissing
Posted: 3/21/2012 12:26:33 PM

They're only yucky and disgusting if I didn't really like the person
all that much.


Totally agree with browneyes on this one. I like kissin, that's what I've been missin...
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Are you a hot blooded/passionate woman and love to kiss?
Posted: 3/1/2012 8:01:01 AM

Funny how many older men's profiles seem to almost be entirely focused on their own physical needs - (because their ex wasn't willing to meet them)


Yes, I find that the original question just reeks of baggage from before, and is kind of telling to me because just maybe she had her reasons for turning off to him, maybe he was a dud in bed.

But really, how are you supposed to answer a question like that? I think most woman would say - with the right man, the right chemistry, heck yeah! You can't guarantee you'll be that way with everybody though. But if you want to get pushy about it, it always turns into "Yes I Do, But Not With You".
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Pushing for a meet right away.
Posted: 2/29/2012 5:57:08 PM
It feels like everything is on fast forward in cyberspace. And there's a weird sort of impatience about cybercommunications, but no impatience about meetups.

It aggravates me that guys will usually initiate contact on Monday. Yeah, manic Mondays. When I'm stressed and buried in work, usually. I might have time to answer them back one time prior to work. Then I might not have a chance to check my mail on that site again until the next day. By then I've actually found their account deleted! No really, that just happened this week....

So if they contact me on a weekend, and I'm sitting around with no plans, yeah, I'll suggest a meet. Because I figure if it drags out another week, they will disappear. And no, I don't "interview" - I just want to pick up on their vibes, which I can only do in person. Do I like their smile, the way their face moves when they talk, the twinkle in their eye? Can only find out IRL.

Most every guy that I suggest meeting for coffee right away turns me down. It seems to horrify them as much as suggesting women meet them right away for sex horrifies women. I dunno where the middle ground is...but I do know the longer it takes to meet the less likely the meet will happen at all because everyone on dating sites seems to have ADHD, sees something shiny over there, and wanders away...
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Texting instead of calling
Posted: 2/29/2012 2:57:06 PM

almost like the ability to text makes or breaks the relationship.


From a couple experiences I've had, I think that was actually the case.


he hears..."I want you to accommodate me and do what I tell you I want you to do. I want to control the relationship. I want to ask something from you.


Funny, that's what I hear every time an initial email contains demands to proceed immediately to yahoo and chat, without even bothering to establish any mutual interest. Go order your dog around, see if that works for ya.


Such as he's really texting 10 girls at the same time, and through text he can always send something where he doesn't have to remember who any of you are. But if he calls, then he has to be tied down, and actually remember who you are.


Now, this I find very educational. The light is beginning to dawn where there was only darkness.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 137 (view)
 
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/28/2012 2:06:39 PM
Tell me one show, with a traditional family where the mother and father are at least equal, and the man is a smart, strong, capable protector who is aware and informs the mother at all on anything. Name one show like that.


Nobody is forcing anybody to watch TV are they? There is such a thing as spending time with one's family (or one's girlfiend and her kids) doing OTHER THINGS. Such as leading by example. Such as teaching them stuff they're not going to learn in school or via TV - survival techniques, for example, or how to fix things. Such as reading books and discussing them. Its not up to society to lead families - that should start from within. If all a kid knows about men is what they see on TV and the guy sitting on the couch watching the TV with them, half of the problem is the guy on the couch.


I do think people have hidden ideals and expectations of their spouse they perhaps they are unaware of, like: how many men just naturally assume their wife will be the one that is responsible for cooking and maintaining the kitchen....it isnt said, but its assumed....isnt it? just a superficial example...dont trip


Personally I'm just looking for a guy who doesn't think his willie is gonna fall off if he comes into physical contact with a dishwashing machine. They will put dishes on the counter, in the sink, even wash them by hand before they will load or unload a dishwasher. If I could just find a man without an irrational fear of/aversion to that machine we could work forward from there.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Deadweight Parents
Posted: 2/28/2012 9:26:03 AM

And on a side note...do you people know ANYTHING about karma ? it's really annoying to have people throw that word around in stupid phrases like "karma will get you someday" without knowing what it actually means.


Oh please, mister, come down off your lofty pedestal and spread your knowledge to the unwashed heathens so we can stop annoying you! Maybe someone will be so grateful that they'll embroider you a sampler that says "Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do".
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Deadweight Parents
Posted: 2/27/2012 6:24:48 PM
"Deadweight Parents"? What - are YOU supporting THEM? I agree with the other posters who think you're probably still living at home. Try getting your own place and your own life and stop obsessing about your parents shortcomings. Karma's coming and one day your kids will judge you just as harshly - at which point you'll be lucky if all your kids can find to whine about is nonsense like your OP.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Profession turn on/offs
Posted: 2/27/2012 5:05:44 PM
turn offs - salespeople, insurance, finance, lawyers, clergy and similar professions that I don't respect due to their inherent middleman duplicity.
I tend to agree with Igor too - certain high-income types just live on a different planet than I do and our lifestyles would clash terribly.
"Self-employed" (which seems to be cyberspeak for "on a disability but perfectly able to work under the table for cash when I run out of substances").

neutral - engineers (most are pretty boring but a few are not), managers, certain enterpreneurs, traditional heros (cops/firefighters/military), psychologists (sans superiority complex)

turn ons - blue collar workers (mechanics, building trades, etc.), medical professionals, writers, IT and other nerdly types.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
It is hard to get past this site to actually date
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:15:25 PM
domo, its not about quantity, its about quality. All you need is ONE message from someone you like in return. Then you can leave this place in the dust and ride off into the sunset.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 34 (view)
 
It is hard to get past this site to actually date
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:07:51 PM

Women have to accept that most men want hot women the rest of us are screwed.


I think most women are realistic about that. Now, if only men would accept that most hot women only want the richest men, negotiations could then begin in earnest.

I just think its weird that if they can't afford the Bentley, these guys would rather spend the rest of their lives walking past used car lots feeling sorry for themselves, and hating the drivers around them, instead of just getting a car they CAN afford.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
talking too much, tell me about yourself crappery
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:54:09 PM

He was asking if my mother lived in the same city and how often I saw or spoke to her. How is that any of your business? Why would someone ask that?


Ooh, ooh I know why! He wanted to check out the gene pool. There's an old adage amongst men that if you wanta know what a chick's gonna look like in 20 years, go meet her mama and there it is! That's not always true, you could take after your dad's side, but enough people believe it that he might be one of those.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
It is hard to get past this site to actually date
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:45:44 PM
People have a choice of wanting what is within their means or being discontent because they want what they know they're never going to get. So they come to the big buffet of women - they have many choices of all shapes and sizes - then they complain because there's only a tiny plate of caviar, and the better looking rich dudes end up with it, and they stand around hungry hating on everybody else...dude, shut up and eat, or shut up and leave, but stop making the rest of us deal with your unhappiness!
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
It is hard to get past this site to actually date
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:35:03 PM
domo, I didn' t mean him in particular, I just meant any/every guy that starts a pity party thread because he can't have a hottie. People need to deal with the consequences of "not settling" - which would include that the people that they are hot for aren't going to "settle" for THEM, either.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
It is hard to get past this site to actually date
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:24:49 PM

Damn right , we're not gonna settle. Why? Life is short. what kind of woman goes out with a guy who settles? Is that really being genuine?


By all means, don't settle. But don't be bitter because the people you desire don't desire you back. And please stop starting threads about how unfair it is - its your choice not to settle, so deal with the consequences like a grownup.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Online dating type
Posted: 2/27/2012 2:15:21 PM
Its like night and day.

In real life I am invisible to all but the occasional toothless redneck in K-mart (they never talk to me in Walmart, only at K-mart, dunno why - its one of life's great mysteries).

Online there is the amusing assumption that someone of my age and poundage is desperate for attention and will weep with joy and acquiesce to any demand in gratitude. Therefore the majority of attention I receive is from 20-somethings, as they are they ones with the highest sex drive. Since I changed my age restrictions to exclude them, I now receive the occasional suggestive remark from 30 and 40-somethings that are slumming below their league. Men my own age are more sincere in their approach but also very likely to assume that any date should culminate in hot monkey love. And men older than my age restrictions favorite me in hopes I will relent and talk to them.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
It is hard to get past this site to actually date
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:14:52 PM
and the last one just deletes any messages coming in to her just for the hell of it without reading the message or the profile.


The only person I can even imagine doing that would be the hottie that all men on this site email at least once.


In most locales IRL there are more women than men, and the older we get, the more women there are than men.

So then why in the world aren't men out there putting themselves into those big groups of women instead of complaining online about being rejected? I wish someone would answer that question.


Because they don't want any of the women in that big group - they only want the youngest, thinnest, prettiest, bestest women. Which they can only see online, because they know darn well IRL none of those women will have anything to do with them. Since they see them online, they consider them an advertised product that they are entitled to "select". And then when she doesn't just jump in their lap like a product off a shelf, they are bitter and angry. Sometimes they get a clue and go after more available women. And sometimes they just hold out for that there movie star and stay bitter and alone - because they're too good to "settle".
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
How to figure out the truth before going on a meet?
Posted: 2/27/2012 12:17:47 PM

And so, when sitting in a night club, bar, or any social activity, how do you know how many kids they have, if they are married or in a relationship, have money or not, can drive or not, and what age they are, on and on?


For real!

I think online dating is making people a lot more timid than they used to be. Everyone is a potential scammer, or a potential serial killer, etc. But its always been a possibility before dating sites ever existed. People for some reason feel entitled to know so much more about a person before they can meet them in person. I guess those of us who started dating back in the stone age know that its not the end of the world if you get to know someone in person and they don't turn out to be your cup of tea. Everyone seems terrified of disappointment, terrified of a bad date, terrified of being deceived. I guess when you've gone through it and other bad things in the course of your life, you can put it in perspective. And on a scale of 1-10 in a lifetime of unpleasant experiences, a bad date or two barely makes the scale at all!
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
hatred of webcam
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:38:40 AM

Just what single people need: more barriers and hurdles to overcome in order to get to a 20 minute initial coffee meet. I wish I had a time machine to go back a couple of decades when the main source of contact was either by phone (not cell phones-a real phone) or in person. But now, every time some company comes up with a new way of electronically communicating to people, everyone jumps to add it to their list of barriers to prevent actual human contact and remain in their electronic prison.


Spot on, maleman!

I've never bothered to get a webcam. I only date locals, so I don't give a hoot about long-distance issues. For the people that are trying to reduce surprises before they meet, I don't really see what the big deal is - whether being unpleasantly surprised on webcam or in person? I figure its not going to ruin my life to drink one cup of coffee with a liar, so I guess I'd rather find out in person than give anybody webcam footage of myself. I guess I value my privacy more than I fear the horrors of being disappointed IRL.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
talking too much, tell me about yourself crappery
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:09:16 AM
I agree its usually a bit one-sided, but that's fine, I'd rather learn something new than empty the contents of my own head. The more intelligent ones eventually realize what they're doing and try to have a conversation instead of a monologue.

I think talking too much stems from lonliness and a desire to be understood and accepted.

If I do ask questions they are usually aimed at giving me a general idea about a person and gives him the opportunity to tell as much or as little as he pleases - is he originally from around here or ? Traveled much? Like Thai food?

If they don't ask me a single question about myself, I assume that means they don't really care about me in particular. Curiosity = interest. If they aren't interested in me, I tend to lose interest in them as well.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 80 (view)
 
being independent is a problem??
Posted: 2/27/2012 10:01:24 AM

it you are independent -- by definition....
you don't need anyone...
that doesn't bode well for a long term relationship....
if you really think about it....


If you listen to the radio, you'll hear love songs. What is being sold by those love songs is dysfunction - of an emotional interdependence so intense that if one suddenly finds oneself single, there are feelings of immobilization and tons of other adjectives regarding misery, helplessness, inability to cope, desperation to return to what was before, etc. Now, although it is flattering to have someone collapse and be unable to go on without you, its also not very healthy. Often people in that state of mind go for rebound relationships out of a desperate need to have somebody, ANYbody, which most agree don't turn out well. Most people agree that they don't want to be generic relationship filler in a needy person's life; but society tends to push us in that direction in many not-so-subtle ways.

Once a person has worked through their issues after a breakup, they reach a healthier state of independence - where they do not require a lover in their lives to be able to breathe, sleep, eat, not bust out crying, function like an adult, etc.

Then eventually they start dating, and eventually one of the people they date causes them to have feelings of "needing" that particular person, and they form a bond. I believe we all agree that if someone feels that bond too soon, it is a red flag that scares off the object of their affection. And if they never feel that bond at all, the relationship then disintigrates.

So I guess it depends on what you want - someone who is dating you out of "need" or someone who is dating you from a healthier emotional place - that desires a lover but is not going to curl into a ball, wither up and die due to the lack of any particular person. Some people prefer relationships based on dysfunctional need, and some people prefer relationships based on mutual respect and admiration (not to say a relationship cannot include both factors). I believe people who are "independent" seek relationships that involve a little more time and space than the other kind, at least initially.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 72 (view)
 
being independent is a problem??
Posted: 2/26/2012 10:57:59 AM
So, my friends, what word would you use???


Actually I think its a perfect word to describe your situation (and mine). It just happens to be a word that frightens people for many reasons

Some people are frightened of it due to their "sheeple" mentality - their whole lives are about group rule and pleasing the crowd, never making their own decisions, so the concept freaks them out.

As stated above, some associate it with aggression and uber-assertiveness protrayed in negative ways.

Some men find it intimidating when a woman has her act together enough to be independent, when they themselves cannot even find their socks without a woman putting them in their helpless little hand. Emphasizes their inadequacies.

And some people just have issues with that many syllables.

If you feel its the best word to describe your situation, leave it on your profile. Hopefully it will attract people that can deal with all its implications and consider it a good thing.


Why do you need to state it? Can you not just "be" without all the silly labelling?


The purpose of one's profile is to describe oneself and one's situation. Why do YOU "need" to say what's on YOUR profile? I assume you considered it "necessary" to say you like "good conversation" - like that's really unique and nobody else does? "Gum-flapping" indeed!
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 144 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/25/2012 6:40:38 PM

Hmmmm..Nah.."spectacular view" should be reserved for the Grand Canyon or the NYC downtown skyline.


For future reference, perhaps we can agree that any adjectives I use are subjective to my own taste and opinion?

What a shame you can't appreciate our lovely north Georgia mountains. From the museum you can see Lookout Mountain out the front and the Tennessee River in the back.

But as you said on another thread, you really don't like the whole state much, so I suppose whatever you see is tinged by your attitude.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 142 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/25/2012 6:18:01 PM
I interrupt this hate fest regarding cheap men/greedy women to make the following public service announcement:

For any locals that enjoy a cheap date, our local museum (the Hunter in Chattanooga) has a "free day" the first Sunday of every month (the next one will be next weekend). I took a date to it this month and we had a pretty good time. Even the parking is free if you can find a spot in their lot - a rarity in downtown 'Nooga. There are spectacular views and it feels a bit classier than Walmart.

You may now resume your bitter dislike of one another.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 139 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:30:23 PM

So what i gather is, if a MAN tries to be frugal he is a cheap **stard, but if a woman doesn't want to spend money she is merely frugal?


Why mainely? Why do you keep beating that horse? Its about the Walmart thang. There have been valid pros and cons to it presented. There have been other date suggestions presented. And still you make it about a man parting from his money, and the battle of the sexes. Its about so much more.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 137 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:17:20 PM

Oh hey, great idea!! Why didn't I come up with that one. Next time the guy suggests coffee I'll offer to pick up the coffees and I'll tell him to meet me in the lobby of the local sheriff station. They have those plastic chairs bolted to the wall that the front desk cop can see from his seat. He can babysit us so I'll feel safe and since I've bought the coffee I won't be the typical gold digger on here who thinks she's entitled to anything beyond a Walmart MacDonald's thereby killing two birds with one stone. Cool.


Don't forget to put it on your profile in the first date section. Just so they can tell the difference between you and the greedy ones who want to lure them behind a Walmart to shoot rats and steal their wallets.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Going after who’s available
Posted: 2/25/2012 4:28:48 PM
I go after what's available, and then promptly run away from the insane personalities.


Hmmm, refer them to me, I take the opposite stance. I find the insane are rarely boring - they tell some great tales. And usually quite grateful to be given a chance.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 132 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:37:31 PM
Thanks, everybody for your comments.

I just got back from Walmart. In case anybody wants to analyze my purchases, I bought a ChairMat (the thingy under your office chair so it rolls better on carpet), a nightgown, a box of RidX, a bag of spinach and some fresh whole mushrooms. Geesh it was crowded, and loud, and crazy. So was the McDonalds there. I didn't see anybody who looked like they were dating in there - but I saw a lot of rowdy kids dragging their parents that way.

I prefer to have coffee dates at IHOP - its usually not very crowded, and the local police hang out there frequently. The walking trail I normally suggest goes right past the police station, through a playground, past the pool and other public areas. So its not like I'm going to compromise any poor man's safety and make him meet me in a dark alley behind Walmart to shoot rats.



So you prefer the interrogation/job interview method of meeting someone and sitting nose-to-nose with rehearsed questions and answers. You say you want to focus on what a person says. All you're going to hear at an initial meet are answers to your questions that he thinks what you want to hear, just like at a job interview. You won't know anymore about him than before, other than if there's physical attraction.


Wrong! In fact I state just the opposite in other threads I've posted on. I don't follow any sort of a script, I don' t like the interrogation thing. So I'm a good listener. I usually just kick back, ask a question or 2 to prime his pump, and let him talk to his heart's content. Its a good method to let a person tell you what's on their mind - and that's usually a gold mine of not-so-ready-for-prime-time info. My last date felt so comfortable with me he let me know that he has to sneak to go see his doctor - because one of his kids or his ex wife might recognize his car, and they're still angry with him because he ditched them all and ran off with a gold-digger. He was perfectly entitled though, because his wife stopped having sex with him. He does understand why his kids are upset because he let the golddigger take him for 80k instead of giving the money to them, but hey, he was sexually infatuated (because she had a hot body but her face wasn't all that) and couldn't say no.

Try to get a story like that out of a scripted interrogation with the "usual questions". I think I got a much clearer picture of his character than I would have observing whether he buys crunchy or smooth peanut butter at Wally World.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 103 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:26:02 AM

Seriously if anyone is genuinely interested in another person where you go matters not.


Does too. I'm not at my best when surrounded by crowds, screaming kids, loud overhead pages, etc. I wouldn't suggest a flea market for the same reasons, although I would suggest a quiet walking trail. Its too bad that one of the posters finds coffee dates "boring" but for a first time meet, I find them ideal because I can just focus on the other person and what they have to say. I respect the occasion enough not to make you compete with my shopping list.

Those of you claiming "anywhere is good" haven't thought this through. Here's a few cheap first meets I could suggest that would make most people go no thanks!

Wanna go down to the landfill and shoot rats? It helps me relax. I'll bring some vicks to ward off the smell.

Wanna help me babysit my sister's umpteen kids? A couple of them have the flu, so bring clothing that's washable.

My rental house had a small fire. Wanna come help me wash walls and move charred debris? I assume you're not allergic to smoke fumes.

Wanna keep me company while I stand in line for a book signing? I'll probably be there all afternoon. We can be on our feet for hours and hours and hours while the line inches forward, and if the conversation lags we can always listen in on cellphone conversations. And you can hold my place in line while I go pee.

A skunk died under my shed. Wanna come help me drag it out from under there and throw it on the burn pile? I've been procrastinating so its probably half decomposed and tough to move...but this is a great opportunity for you to wow me with your problem solving skills.

Now then, I'm sure a couple people will swear they wouldn't have a problem with ANY of these scenarios if they had sincere interest in a person. But its a first meet - you don't know how sincere your interest is yet. I vote for keeping it simple and as cheap as possible. And pleasant, which is subjective.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 56 (view)
 
being independent is a problem??
Posted: 2/24/2012 12:15:09 PM

As for the definitions of "independent," that is where the trouble usually lies. For some, it means literally that they can make decisions and conduct their lives in a way that coordinates well and easily with others, while to others, it can mean that the person remains apart, uninvolved, uncaring, and even tense and hostile at every moment.


Its a fine line to walk, isn't it? People are turned off when others are too clingy, too eager, too needy. People are turned off when others are too independent, too aloof, too slow to warm up. You can't win unless the stars align perfectly in the heavens and a unicorn runs across your grave while you happen to be humming "you can't hurry love".
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Going after who’s available
Posted: 2/24/2012 12:00:49 PM

What might happen if … decent men pursued good women that society deems “unattractive” (overweight, etc) for a long-term relationship?


Their friends would try to "save them" from this behavior.


And those men developed an attraction for these women over time.


This has been known to happen - its called a workplace romance. If you're stuck interacting with someone on a daily basis, they might grow on you eventually.


Wouldn't both partners in that relationship be better off?


Gee, where's the dude that hypnotized "Shallow Hal" when ya really need him?

 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
 
wtf????
Posted: 2/24/2012 11:17:02 AM

The guy was obviously trying to be funny, and of course, OP found no humor in his response.


Seriously? I probably would have countered with suggesting we go sit around the ER waiting room and watch the wounded for entertainment. If it was a contest to see who could suggest the crappiest first date...

I love cheap first dates, they keep the expectations/obligations at a minimum on both sides. I can usually come up with some pretty good ones. To have him counter with WalMart was insulting and rude. And rather odd, considering most people I know who brag about money are "too cool" to shop there at all. I think he was being snotty, and if it were me I would have told him I didn't think we were a good match and been done with him.

Good lord, just parking on lover's lane and watching the stars come out is a good first date. Try that idea next time, cheap skates!
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 66 (view)
 
is pof only for sex
Posted: 2/24/2012 10:06:12 AM

Question: How do you know the guys are only looking for sex?


First contact emails that read like this:


id do you right now ;) yes right now :)id do you right now ;) yes right now :)id do you right now ;) yes right now :)


Of course I could have been jumping to conclusions and he really wanted to get to know me first. But I kinda doubt it.

 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
What am I to do?
Posted: 2/23/2012 8:41:56 PM

Keep in mind that him gone will not make your life easier in any way.


That depends completely on how high-maintenance he was. Human house pets can be hugely expensive in terms of money spent entertaining them and time spent cleaning up after them. Not to mention the emotional cost.

The cost of freedom from this kind of draining, joyless, laborious "love" = priceless.

The goal of some men: to contribute as little as possible to their relationship until eventually they are giving nothing and getting everything. At which point they expect a medal and a ticker-tape parade if they wipe their own fannies because they have regressed into human infants.

Inevitably their woman wakes up and realizes she doesn't need him for anything because she's been doing everything, in exchange for nothing but his criticism, complaints, and nasty replies when she asks him to lift a precious finger. She tells him things must change, he informs her he's perfect and she's a biotch. He threatens to leave her, and she says "please do!" This may take a while, because not too many women are panting for him to grace their couch in his unbathed, surly splendor the way he's graced hers - nor many relatives either, for that matter. So she may have to move out herself and let the utilities get shut off before it dawns on Mr. Entitlement that nobody's going to keep paying them - but its probably a good thing if he doesn't know where to find her as he explodes in self-righteous rage when he realizes his gravy train has hit the wall.

How unfortunate this same sad drama is enacted so frequently.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 59 (view)
 
are you hoping that your forum postings are attracting the type of person you want to be with?
Posted: 2/22/2012 8:05:42 PM

Used to be that the last five posts of an individual were shown on their profile


I very much preferred that.


Those were the days, hu, frrosty?
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
I want statistics...
Posted: 2/22/2012 6:02:32 PM
Why give advice they know doesn't work?


Because hope floats. Because what are they going to do, get real and say - "look, the majority of you are unattractive losers with little to offer anyone, you will not attract anybody so resign from this site and all others and just get a lot of cats"!?!

Do ANY of us verify ANY of the advice we give on this site is effective? After all, what may be effective for any poster may be uneffective for the majority of the people reading their posts.

They'll do what they please, because its their site, and its free. Enjoy what you're getting for free. Can't enjoy it? Don't let the screen door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 101 (view)
 
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 2/22/2012 5:36:13 PM
No spark/chemistry is genderless code for "Yes I do, but not with YOU".
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
I want statistics...
Posted: 2/22/2012 5:18:37 PM
I've noticed an older crowd: 45+ seem to be telling everyone that smiling is extremely important.


That's because in our age range smiling is extremely telling as to whether the person is missing a lot of teeth, or has "denture smile"!

C'mon. You know the answer. Its a freaking beauty contest. Become stereotypically, superficially physically attractive to the opposite sex if you want to improve your dating chances. Everything else is just wishful thinking.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 56 (view)
 
are you hoping that your forum postings are attracting the type of person you want to be with?
Posted: 2/22/2012 5:09:03 PM
I used to have that delusion when I first joined these forums a long time ago. Then I realized that none of my locals even knew they existed - and that was back when they put forum posts on the bottom of your profile. Now that they don't, I am 100% certain that anything I say in these forums will only attract (if anyone) people that live too far away to date. I feel perfectly safe to let it all hang out, as 99.9% of the people that contact me can't even read a profile, much less a forum. I could say I was a cannibalistic, baby beating, pet torturing, sociopathic anarchist and axe murderer both on my profile and daily in these forums and nothing would change.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 3:08:10 PM
Agreed that it's not just women, but my experience has been that Chatty Cathys FAR outnumber Chatty Chucks. Anyone agree/disagree?


Compulsive talkers I have known (the kind that cause people to sneak out the back door when they come in the front door): 4 - 3 women and 1 man. My grandma was one of 'em, her own son would just get up and walk out on dinner when he'd had enough, and he was the only one who was able to "train" her to control herself. Grandpa just sat there silent and ignored her 90% of the time.


two dates, lots of phone calls, a few e mails...
I know all about his ex wife, her job, her problems, why they arent married anymore.
dont even know if he knows if I was married or not.
I know some about his past, where his parents live, where he grew up, how he grew up,...
I would have shared with him about myself but he did not ask nor stop talking to where I could have.
I listened and listened and listened to detail after boring detail about his job.
the last time he called me I wanted to throw my phone down.
He was again telling me the details of his job and complaining about it.
NOT a good way to begin a relationship.


I believe there is a difference between the egoist kailania dated and compulsive talkers. I've dated some egoists too and they ARE perfectly capable of self-control if someone they respect is in the room.


I think he is a genuinely good man. How can we make people like him aware of what they are doing? of how they are jeapordizing things? I really do not think he is aware of the problem. any suggestions on how to kindly let these talkers know what they are doing without hurting their feelings?


I honestly think that compulsive talkers can't help it, and feel sorry for them. They occasionally ask questions about you, but their desperate need to talk overrides the time it takes for you to answer. They are aware of what they are doing, and that most people run away from them, but they seem powerless to stop.

Egoists, on the other hand, are all about control and being the center of attention. They are aware of what they are doing and are trying to portray that they are the important one, hence they will not ask any questions about you, as you are not so important. They can fairly easily be trained out of it when you call them on their behavior and demand some respect.

Either type is not the type for me.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
is pof only for sex
Posted: 2/22/2012 1:59:34 PM
I don't really care for the user interface of eharmony. You can't sort matches, can't set criteria to filter those people you do get matched with, and overall it works very slowly.


My experience with eharmony was horrible - I tried it about a decade ago and was matched with a bunch of guys I felt were too old for me, and with a bunch of guys who felt I weighed too much for them. When I complained to eharmony management about this, I was told that THEY knew better than I do what is right for me. Someone would have to be crazy to pay money to get set up with people you have always considered unattractive!


Then the reason why is because they got a message from a guy from one of those sites that suddenly seems like an upgrade.


That's pretty typical behavior for the men on here too. I can't count the guys that have contacted me, suddenly disappeared, then come back in a couple months for a repeat. I usually have to block them to stop the yo-yo effect.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
is pof only for sex
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:10:01 AM
Like many have said, I've also seen the same faces on any free or paid site I join. The local demographics do not change whether you're laying out cash or not.

I've found POF has the most action as far as quantity of messages received and actual dates I've had. I've also found that POF has the most random people wanting to hook up for sex. Whatever else you want to say about it, at least its lively, which is more than I can say for some of the "deader" sites I belong to.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 47 (view)
 
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 10:33:11 AM

For all those who feel it is the initial appearance that determines a possible relationship. May it never happen to you that your partner eventually gets out of shape, has a disfiguring accident or illness. Incurs a health condition that damages their teeth. For surely you would abandon them immediately.


No, for most its a matter of what is initially attractive that determines whether you will give someone "a chance" or not. Its not a matter of abandoning someone if you already love them. Most would not automatically leave a loved one who by accident was put in a wheelchair during their relationship. However, many would automatically refuse to initially date a person already in a wheelchair. The more obvious your flaws, the harder time you'll have dating. Its just human nature.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:11:03 AM
I agree that giving too much attention to your phone on a date is rude. So is misrepresenting yourself on your profile. Therefore perhaps those two things cancel each other out.

I've never had a date walk out on me, nor have I ever walked out, but there are 4 things that have made me want to

1) If a guy smells really bad because he doesn't use deoderant
2) If all a guy talks about is sex and automatically assumes I will be his next playmate because I showed up.
3) If all a guy talks about is his ex and goes on and on and on about his prior relationship.
4) Utterly narcissitic monologue - and then, "enough about me, what do YOU think about ME?"

I will assume that if people walk out on dates with you on a regular basis - that you are doing one of the above things and are pretending you don't know why they left. I bet you know very well why - rudeness begets rudeness.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Guys who collect...held to a different standard?
Posted: 2/15/2012 8:04:12 AM
Wow astrosky, that was a pretty harsh and heartless comment to the model train poster...I know it wasn't directed at me but come on, do you really see the need for saying things like "call your local rent-a-ho"?


I'm being realistic. People's whose lives revolve around their hobbies to the exclusion of real relationships with the opposite sex have sublimated their sex drive and use their hobby as a substitute for the excitement of romance. And as most state, they have no intention of changing.


have yet to read a guy post anything negative in this thread about a woman who collects dolls, stuffed animals (think beanie babies or steiff bears), books, or whatever else her heart's desire but have seen some harsh comments posted by women.


That may be because there are no men on this thread (so far) who have been required to spend the majority of their spare time either participating in, listening to enthusiasm about, or spending most of their time alone due to these feminine hobbies. If a man was expected to either throw himself madly into doll collecting or fade into the background while she and her girlfriends revolve their lives around dolls, he'd have a different attitude. If a man was expected to plan every weekend/vacation of his life around doll collecting, he would become fed up sooner than later - especially if he suggested something they both might enjoy (such as dinner out or a vacation to the Bahamas) only to be met with cold, stony-eyed silence and informed in no uncertain terms that HER long-standing plans with "the girls" were carved in stone and would not be given up for something SHE has no interest in!


would make an effort to understand it to the best of my ability because it may be something important to her and that brings joy into her life...all I'd ask for is the same courtesy in return, but maybe that's to much to ask for these days.


In a perfect world, that would happen. But some collectors can't see the forest for the trees, and don't particularly care that their "joy" is solitary and one-sided and their partner is miserable. Hence the commonality of phrases ending in "widow" - "football widow", "train widow", etc. We simply don't have phrases like "doll widower" or "shopping widower" in our vocabulary - because women in general know better than to be this cold and selfish towards their partners if they want to keep them around.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Why do you want to be in a Relationship? or Not?
Posted: 2/14/2012 3:46:22 PM

Sex and Money


You know, I'm actually gonna go with this one. Reciprocation has its merits. I can provide some sex and some money, and I'm seeking a partner who can also provide sex and money. So together we'll both have plenty of sex and money!

Oh, and someone to hug me when I wake up with nightmares would be another reason. I'll be happy to do that in return.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Guys who collect...held to a different standard?
Posted: 2/13/2012 1:53:33 PM
As a former "train widow", I'd like to repond to some comments made above by railrunner.


When we're working on that layout, we become like a pair of 10 year old boys. My mother doesn't like this at all, she views the trains as a waste, but dad and I like them, so that's the important matter.


Yes, this seems to be the typical attitude with train enthusiasts - its all about male bonding, girls not allowed or desired in the clubhouse (unless you can sucker them into making lots of scenery in their spare time). That's fine if you don't desire any women in your lfe. But if you have women in your life and they don't get equal time with your hobbies, they begin to question the point of being in a relationship with a "10 year old boy" instead of a man.


My bedroom has a small N Scale layout. N scale is half the size of HO scale roughly. Lots of action can be put into a small space. My room also has my workbench, where most repairs are carried out.


This may be a big turn-on for YOU, but not so much for any of your ladyfriends. You might feel the same if you tried to get romantic in a bedroom overflowing with her stuffed toy collection. There comes a time in most people's lives when they get a grown-up bedroom and put some adult toys in it. Obviously you're not there yet, so the "action" in your bedroom does not include any ladies.


If someone wants to hold my railroading against me, fine and dandy. I can't change their opinion of it, and I really don't want to even try. However, I would like to point out, that there are OTHER things I could be doing, outside of model railroading: Drugs, alcohol, chasing women, all come to mind. Instead, my friends know where to find me: Working on some rail project, or at the hobby shop.


Trust me, there are OTHER things a lady could be doing, than sitting around waiting for her train freak to finish getting his groove on and remember her existance. Like looking for your replacement. Its not the railroading itself that's the problem - its the attitude that comes across loud and clear that trains come first, that your life has always been about trains, and that romance will take a back seat and be an afterthought to your true love. My advice is to take your profile off all dating sites and on the rare occasions you remember you are a man instead of a 10-year-old boy, call your local rent-a-ho. Then you can indulge your hobby with a clear conscience and not make any woman wait around for you to remember her.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Whitney Houston died ...
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:14:01 AM
Wow, I'm suprised at how ornery some people are about other people's sadness over Whitney's death. For me, I'm bummed out because she was a part of my youth - I remember the first Whitney video I ever saw "How Will I Know" and I admired her beauty and talent from that moment forth. My first reaction to the news today was "no way - she was so young"! Granted I didn't KNOW her, but I was conscious of her public persona in a positive way - and now that consciousness is tinged with this dark cloud of her passing. It amazes me that people have so little to do they would waste their time sneering at people who acknowledge the passing of a celebrity - too bad you can't just respect that people have feelings they want to share.
 
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