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 Author Thread: my friends abandoned me since no longer third wheel
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
my friends abandoned me since no longer third wheel
Posted: 5/4/2012 10:10:46 PM
Works friends? They sound like friends of convenience. Like our drinking buddies from our twenties,

most fall by the wayside if you move on from that sort of thing.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Did someone make a mountain out of a mole hill?
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:56:25 PM
Of course she dumped you.

It took her a day or two to do it, because she had to get her head around what you had done.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What would you think of someone who broke up with you based on this, after 2 months?
Posted: 4/27/2012 7:34:05 AM
OP it sounds like you and she have fundamentally different values. That plus a little dating history probably isn't going to make ongoing interaction much fun for either of you. I think you'll get over this quickly, as it seems like the only reason you're even considering transitioning this into a friendship is because you think you should.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 4:30:32 PM
If a woman lived in a culture where she was expected to walk behind men, to tolerate polgamy, or if it was her job to walk in front of the cow lest it trigger a mine and die. I wouldn't think poorly of her not having had a lasting long term relaionship. I have a feeling though, if I talked to others in those cultures, many of them would claim a woman unwilling to settle for these things is somehow defective.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Quality of Friendship in terms of ‘Friendship First
Posted: 4/22/2012 10:50:19 PM
How in the world does some random internet stranger think she can compete for my time as a friend?

I have friends, life long ones. I'm going to spend less time with them in order to spend more time with you?

Based on a dating site profile? ...and it's not even courting? ...it's me listening to you talk about your real dates?

LMAO...have fun sorting through the human detritus that will settle for that BS.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 150 (view)
 
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 4/20/2012 10:35:59 AM

Kinda like men not liking it when women judge them on their financial status/career/money/material objects. I like to email men in my area who I know are wealthy based on their careers and city in which they live and write, "U R RICH!!!" They're so grateful! Gets me tons of dates.
And when they don't like it, well they're just spoiled selfish pr*cks. They should be happy that I compliment them on their status and riches.


You've go it right there. Some men would think "Woot. I'm in with a chance."

Those men would also likely deride those of us who think "Oh...ffs, go away." with accusations of disfunction.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Sex texting questions
Posted: 4/20/2012 1:42:34 AM

"Ramping up" implies a gradual incline and that is reconnaissance, where retreats and advances can be judged as appropriate in support of the campaign.


He clearly made a mess of assessing the OP's boundaries, but it seems possible he recieved inaccurate coordinates

during the drinks and kissing mission.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Sex texting questions
Posted: 4/20/2012 1:16:15 AM
You just didn't like him.

This wasn't some randomer texting you out of the blue about your bits and pieces. This was a man you went out with, and kissed. More than once. It's absolutely your right to not like it, and not seem him again, but is it really necessary to demonize him? Some men, after the kissing part and before the naked part ramp up the sex talk. It's called reconnaissance.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
scared of losing her
Posted: 4/20/2012 12:32:48 AM
Most relationships end.

Relax, and make plans to meet.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Who is telling us the truth?
Posted: 4/19/2012 11:16:52 PM
Are the people we know IRL , our friends, family, co-workers and other acquaintances, giving us their honest opinions or are we getting the real truth from these strangers on the internet?


On the average RL people are co-conspirators in the delusions were create in order to keep on keepin' on
while we learn to cope with reality.



For example, all of the opposite sex bashing that takes place here. Is that indicative of how most women/men feel and they just don’t admit to it?


Dating site forums are not an accuratre representation of either gender. They are the arena of the chronically single, and recently displaced.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Girlfriends break-up with me because I want kids and they don't
Posted: 4/19/2012 8:22:05 PM
If it was a deal breaker to them, they're more likely to think it's a deal breaker for you.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 118 (view)
 
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 4/19/2012 8:18:33 PM
"You're hot." sends the wrong message.

"You're kind of hot." is better, it reminds the woman she should be glad you're lookin' at her.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Did I miss Mr.Right?
Posted: 4/18/2012 10:15:42 PM
Yes, it's fine to call him.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
opinions about talking to stranger
Posted: 4/18/2012 9:14:59 PM
You got jealous with a woman you've been seeing for 3 weeks?

Did it hurt when ya hit the curb?
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
work
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:24:54 PM

"car is a car and if you go by a pic that is really sad. i worked for it a beamer is the same price as a chevy camero which one would you buy? and why write a ton of bs in a profile that half read if you go by what is written can be lies"


Then why post a pic standing by your car? Yeah.
You're chasing gold diggers and complaining they don't take coupons.

Make all the excuses YOU want YOU'RE the one with the problem because women won't date YOU.
If YOU want a different result, YOU need to take a different action.
Unless making yourself undateable is working for you on some level and you just like to complain.

If that's the plan, you've got a good start.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
work
Posted: 4/18/2012 11:17:19 AM

"why is it once i tell a person what i do for a living(driving truck) they leave."


Some women won't date blue collar. Do you really want one of them?

Some women think men can't be trusted when they're out of town. Are those the ones you're upset won't date you?

Alot of women won't like feeling like you're playing a game of bait and switch.

There is nothing wrong with being a truck driver, it's an honest living. Be upfront about it.

I'd guess the biggest problem your job is giving you in regards to dating is how you feel about it.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How Old Are You 12!
Posted: 4/18/2012 10:57:57 AM

^^^ sure hope that's sarcastic


It was.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How Old Are You 12!
Posted: 4/18/2012 10:48:13 AM

"Whenever a 'relationship' or 'situation' (as I call it) occurs and you want to know exactly where you stand, I always bring out the 'i'm seeing someone' angle..that usually gets their attention and gives you the chance to sort out any misunderstandings quickly...."


I know that's my favorite way to handle things in my relationships too.

If my girlfriend isn't sexually adventurous enough I like delay the start of a couple dates because I was fixing something for a woman at work. For the most part I find the lieing and game playing add a bit of spice to our relationships. Except for the fake pregnancy scares, those piss me off a little.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How Old Are You 12!
Posted: 4/17/2012 11:46:14 PM
Maybe he defines girlfriend as good friend plus sex, and he thinks the sex part is just for the two of you,

and no one elses business.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 221 (view)
 
Do you hesitate to contact someone with zero roses left?
Posted: 4/16/2012 10:06:38 PM
It's seems a bit like going into a bar and complaining about people drinking.


I'm a bit unsure why someone looking that hard for reasons not to talk to people

would bother with a dating site at all.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 48 (view)
 
would you be upset?
Posted: 4/16/2012 3:50:42 PM
You should feel lucky.

I would have missed your bra size and the day we met to.


If you don't think he's really noticing you, or feel like he's just there for the sex then talk to him about it,

but skip the parlour tricks they're distracting.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Can't talk dirty
Posted: 4/12/2012 11:01:00 PM

I have a tin full of pipe cleaners in my workshop.


I think I just found a new hobby.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Can't talk dirty
Posted: 4/12/2012 10:00:45 PM
Make some stick figure illustrations and leave them around his house.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Am I a terrible person???
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:07:06 PM

How do I end it with the first girl gracefully?


Gracefully? It's a bit late to be worried about being gracefull. Just dump her.

If she asks why tell her you're intersted in someone you knew before you met her.

If she asks what she did wrong tell her nothing.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
So I am new to this whole relationship thing, any advice?
Posted: 4/7/2012 12:24:39 AM
You need a wingman. Given your age, you need a 50 year old female friend that really likes men.

She'll reprogram you the right way. Just remember when you turn 40 and no-one's burned a pile

of your stuff in your front yard, send her a card.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
its complicated
Posted: 4/6/2012 11:28:57 PM
Yes, you should step up.

Not because I think she likes you(I have no idea about that) but because you like her.

It's not for you to decide she's out of your league, that's her part.


More effort on doing you part, less effort on doing her part.

Good luck.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Would this be an issue for you? Should it be an issue for anyone?
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:02:56 AM

As a therapist, I can give you some advice here..... he is really damaged


Does someone actually provide you with malpractice insurance?

They're not charging enough.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
1 year on, and still havent met!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:51:20 AM

I'm confused as what to do.

You're confused because you have inaccurate or incomplete information.


Contact being everyday, except for a few times when I peeved him off, about meeting him. He texts me almost every morning and night, we can talk on the phone for an hour at a time and always ends up being a great call

He's lonely, that's good news. That combined with an easy alternate conclusion, makes me think he's not married. Congrats, but don't get too excited...he's still lieing his ass off.


doesnt want anything to stop these travel plans

That's a lie. We don't put off meeting a woman were interested in because she might put a crimp in our travel plans. If our brains worked that way the worlds population would be about a quater of it's current number, and alot more men would be paying off boats instead of braces.


" worked as hard as he has to be where he is in life "

I'm guessing this is the main lie. All the other lies are life support lies for this whopper.


He is worried that if we meet that we may loose the wonderful friendship that we now have

This lie, from a man make makes me make the ...PFFFTTT! noise.
Yea, it's not true...again, simply not how our brain functions. If you hadn't spoken on the phone, about now I'd be thinking you hooked an unemployed lesbian.


I just dont understand why a coffee is such a big deal

That's because coffee isn't a big deal.


I will add that I am attracted to his personality, he makes me laugh and makes me feel good as a person.what do I do to get past this point


If you really like the man enough to possibley look past a year of lieing, just tell him so. There's a good chance he lied out of insecurity, and you're going to be told he's physically unattractive or just good old fashioned poor.

I'd go with..."I think I might reall like you, but I also think you're lieing to me. For me to continue down this road, we need to meet. It needs to happen in the next month, and you need to tell me the truth, before we meet. Until we get this resolved the only conversation we're going to have is about when and how we're going to meet, and why and about what you've been lieing bout."....if I was willing to look past a year of lieing.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 70 (view)
 
no sex
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:17:46 PM
A great relationship?

You mean you have sat down and discussed the issue, and the two of you
have concluded you seeking sex outside the relationship is the best solution?

Nope?

Didn't think so.


So what you're really asking is..."Is cheating wrong?"

Yea.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:02:11 PM
I'd like to think our chances increase as we age.

Shouldn't we become more qualified choosers with experience?


I mean, I'm now much less concerned with my dates ankle jewerly,

a much more concerned with her fork stabbing proclivities.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Don't know what to do
Posted: 4/2/2012 12:38:26 PM
Staying with her because you should, isn't going to be helpfull.

If you want to stay with her then educate yourself about what she's experiencing(like you're doing now), but please don't cast yourself as a martyr to her depression, she doesn't need more things to feel bad about.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Date left when she saw what was for dinner :(
Posted: 3/31/2012 12:18:30 PM
We don't get alot of host training.

Now you know to discuss likes and dislikes before shopping for the meal.

If you really want to prepare the meal blind, be prepared with a plan B,
and be nice about it. Handling your misstep gracefully may have been more impressive to your date than guessing the right meal to prepare.

If her reaction was impolite enough to cause you to lose interest,

just offer to call her a cab.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
touching
Posted: 3/30/2012 11:01:07 PM
It might not mean anything, but now that you've established your interactions include physical contact, there's nothing wrong with reciprocating.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Finding your partner wearing your underwear!!
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:46:18 PM
If I came home and my girlfriend was all...

"I like to wear your drawers and do the solo samba."

I'd be all... "Alright, let me know if you need a hand."
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 37 (view)
 
New girlfriend offers spare room to her ex
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:31:31 PM

aside from the usual just kick her comments i'm really looking for some advice on how to actually deal with this and how i move on from this without making it a thing.


If you don't want to make a thing out of it, you'll need some denial.

I recommend not thinking about them sitting on the couch talking about your relationship, or them sitting on the couch talking about their relationship, or them drinking to much wine and comparing sexual performance and preferences. You probably shouldn't think about them and the couch at all.

As a matter of fact I dont think denial's really going to work at all, just sit down with a couple bottles of wine and think about them taking showers together until you're numb to it. Be sure to carry lots of tissues in your pocket from now on, in case your girlfriend steps in some dogshit before walking all over you, for the rest of your life.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Relationships and technological communication.
Posted: 3/27/2012 4:55:24 PM
I'd be curious exactly what relationships we're not able to conduct through technology. If it's just romantic relationships, or if we're unable to have friendships too. How long do people have to be pen pals, before they can call themselves friends? Is it measured in dozens of exchanges and months, or hundreds of exchanges and years? Or is it the quality of the exchanges? The help, kindness, commonality and resolution of differences? Or are they all meaningless becuse they're conducted more slowly and with more opportunity for deciet?

I understand it's an unusual way to conduct a relationship, but except for those looking to keep their dance card filled every night, the rest of probably ended up on dating sites like this, looking for something unusual.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Relationships and technological communication.
Posted: 3/27/2012 3:39:27 PM

I hadn't thought of it like that, but isn't communicating via technology both a decision and to do with circumstances? I'm struggling to express myself here, perhaps because I can't seem to separate the two.


It is a decision, A person could decide all forms of technologically assisted communication are a waste of time, and only interact with those people in very close proximity to themselves. They could read body language, and listen to voice inflection and abserve facial expressions. Some people may feel they have improved the quaility of communication in their lives doing this. Other people, might prefer to exchange smoke signals in a thunderstorm with one particualr person, than waste their communication time reading body language, listening to voice inflection and observing facial expressions of whoever happens to be nearby.


None of that is what I meant though..

I just meant it's easier to blame the medium than the message,

or worse yet the messengers.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Relationships and technological communication.
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:25:41 PM
It's easier to blame poor outcomes on the circumstances, than the decisions.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/26/2012 5:16:57 PM
Dr Miriam Grossman(the author) is just another "family values" right wing religious conservative trying to give her religioun derived sense of morality and ethics scientic credibility.

She also wrote..."The Wonder of Becoming You, How a Jewish Girl Grows Up"
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Already Feeling Lost
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:14:10 AM
You've got it right Empires.

You're either bothered looking after another man's kids, or you're not.

I'm not bothered, but you're not wrong. Wrong is pretending it doesn't bother you

and then resenting the kids.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 47 (view)
 
So he loves you but DOESN'T find you attractive! Cause for Concern?
Posted: 3/15/2012 2:07:54 PM

Some clarifications:
1. The SEX I understand is still frequent and good.
2. The comment of attractiveness came about during a discussion as to what is important in forming a relationship. The man listed a few characteristics specifically excluding attractiveness. The woman brought it up and maintained it was the most important..at which point the guy said (and I quote) "We wouldn't be married if it was just due to attractiveness because I am sure you or I are not the most attractive person each other has ever dated"!
3. The guy doesn't harp about it on a daily basis. Its just this one time and she has taken it too hard (in my opinion)!


She's over reacting.

Ask her how she'd feel if he'd said...

"I don't much like you, but you're the prettiest woman I could get."

...that would be cause for concern.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Why does'nt she text me first?
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:50:35 AM
Welcome to Ocee's fun with numbers...

You're in your 50's lieing on your profile you're in you mid 40's, she's in her 30's.

You've known the woman for 6 years, about the time you joined here.

After 6 years you go on a date, why now? What changed?

You started dating in January, and she'll let you move in with her in July.

How long is unemployment insurance these days? 6 months?

She's away on a 3 day business trip. Job interview?

You live 3 hours away, and see each other twice a month.


She doesn't text you first, because she doesn't like you, very few women actually like lieing adulterers 20 years their senior that bait younger women with financial support. She doesn't want you to move in until July because she desperately hopes not to need your money by then. The idea of waking up next to you more then twice a month already has her greedily eyeing her pill bottle collection. Now stop pushing for the full on girlfriend experience and start acting like a proper low maintenance sugar daddy before she trades you in for her lascivious landlord.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
stopping the drama when its you....
Posted: 3/13/2012 11:00:26 PM
If you want to make a new decision, you might need new information.

Look into what it's cost is to you, and others.

Figure out what you get out of it.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Dating an ex girlfriends best friend....
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:43:20 PM
Seven years might be long enough to clear the runway for her sister.

You're not even in gray area sevens years later with your ex's ex friend.







/I know there is no expiration date for the ban on dating ex's siblings.
It was an exaggeration to make a point. Put the torches down.
 ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 45 (view)
 
If a woman is into you......
Posted: 3/12/2012 2:11:21 PM
After a few dates, this is a very reasonable conversation to have with her.

It could go a bit like this...

"Miss Aloof, I enjoy our time together.

I'd like to continue spending time together.

I'd like at some time in the future for some of that time together

to be naked time together."


If you're in the friend zone, she'll tell you.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Your partners ex got more than you
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:04:17 AM
I've never cared what someone's ex "got".

I bet those are some fun conversations.

"So, did you ever _____ with _____ at the ____?."

Yup, that's some bond building stuff there...
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 44 (view)
 
How do I forget about someone?
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:01:59 AM
Noodles, it's just rejection hitting your self esteem.

That's what set you up for the seond go.



Do something you'll be proud of, learn a new song, read a hard book, help someone, anything thing that will make you think "Wow, I kind'a rock."
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Just a drink.....nothing more?
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:43:50 AM
He wanted sex, you wanted your ego stroked.

You got just close enough to bait him into making a play,

and then came here to brag about it.


Did he want to go drinking and then go home and hug all night? No.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How do I find a poor girl?
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:03:57 AM
Buy a camaro and cruise trailer parks.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
I don't know how to tell her...
Posted: 3/8/2012 9:38:54 PM
You might not have to break up with her.

Tell her you don't want to be with her anymore, but the folks on the dating site

said you were wrong.
 
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