Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Dating a person who works third shift
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Dating a person who works third shift
Posted: 5/26/2014 6:12:56 PM
What are your days off?
My boyfriend works third shift - and he also lives about an hour and a half away. We've made it work for over a year now and plan to move in together. Right now we spend the weekends together. When we live togther I imagine we'd spend time together when I get home from work before he leaves for work. Definitely not impossible.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/22/2013 4:24:00 PM
I know this is crazy, but why don't you talk to her to see what her expectations are? Or what kind of gift would be appropriate for your relationship.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/26/2013 7:00:40 PM
Wow, yeah - totally over reacting.
People make comments like that all the time; comparing themselves to others and their behavior.
When I see kids throwing fits on the ground at the grocery store I've been known to say, "If I ever had a kid and he acted like that...(insert whatever). My boyfriend has a kid and he's never once taken offense and thought I was talking about his kid.
My sister's boyfriend talks down to her and I'll say to my boyfriend, "If a guy ever talked to me that way..."
So what?! It's a general statement.
In no way do I see how she was directing anything towards you.
I've heard guys bash their girlfriends when they're not around and I've said to my boyfriend, "If I ever found out you were talking about me that way, it would be over!" Is that a threat? I guess. Did he throw a hissy and want nothing to do with me? No. Does he know I know he'd NEVER do that? Yes. So there's nothing to be upset about. People say stuff like that all the time. They're harmless comments and it helps you get to know people. So you don't like that she wouldn't stand for a guy treating her that way? Fine - I guess it's best you do stay away from her.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
texted me at 1am and we haven't even met
Posted: 11/25/2013 4:07:04 PM
I don't really see what the big deal is. Lots of people are night owls. I keep my phone on silent if I don't want to be bothered.
One guy I had met online texted me at 2am. Like 7 times. I didn't see it until I woke up at 5:30 for work. So I texted him and it woke him up, LOL. He was upset but saw where I was coming from. Thing was, he continued to text me all night for the next few nights after I asked him not to - I don't ALWAYS remember to keep my phone on silent!

Bottom line is, you let him know how you feel and I'd give him another shot. If he continues then there's a problem.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 5:39:01 PM
One person's 4 months might feel like another person's 14 months.
First decide how important it is to you to share this day with her. If you stay together another year, at some point you'll have to work out the holiday thing. It's not impossible - it's actually quite common to visit multiple parts of the family on holidays like Thanksgiving.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
She is hooked, but it's all physical, and no chemistry.
Posted: 11/10/2013 4:29:02 PM
You don't sound compatible.
If I read a post likes yours about me, I would end it immediately. You've mad it quite obvious you're just using her.
Hopefully she will wake up before she gets hurt. Or do the right thing and tell her the truth.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Reasonable time to wait to meet in person
Posted: 11/7/2013 4:22:26 PM
A week or two is reasonable...
I know people who don't date new people close to the holidays. I was one of them. But then again, I wasn't looking and chatting with people at that time either.
She musn't be that interested. I think in this case she is just using it as an excuse. If she really wanted to wait until after the holidays to date, she wouldn't be here answering emails.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Sent silly text and need advice
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:56:43 PM
Honestly, if she really likes you, she'll brush it off and it won't be a big deal. But if she doesn't really like you, it'll be offensive and a turn off. Sad but true.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
My fiance' is the maid of honor for ex-boyfriends cousin...
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:50:59 PM
You feel like she needs to be taught a lesson? Real nice.
Was she committed to this wedding before she met you? If not, did you guys discuss it when she was asked to be a brides maid? Either way, I actually don't see the big deal. You're going, she will be with you - big whoop.

I think you are over reacting and clearly have some issues. Teach her a lesson?? - I wish HER luck.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is 30 miles too far away for a new relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2013 8:16:38 PM
My boyfriend lives about 80 miles from me right now. Takes about an hour and a half. We take turns and spend the weekends together. We did date 15 yrs ago, so that was a factor in deciding the drive may be worth it. If it was someone brand new, I might have tried it if it seemed worth it. You just never know - 30 miles doesn't seem bad, def not worth passing up a chance at happiness.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Need a guy's opinion...or a girl that has been through this
Posted: 10/17/2013 6:41:23 PM
He's not interested anymore.
Maybe he wasn't in a good mood... and then your incessant texts probably REALLY put him off.

In any case, if this isn't acceptable behavior, move on.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Men who won't pay for car ferry to meet
Posted: 10/17/2013 6:35:14 PM
Did you ever offer to pay for half of his ferry?
I wouldn't expect someone to pay 30 bucks on a FERRY every time they came to see me.
I think it costs 20-30 bucks in gas round trip for my boyfriend and I to travel to each other. But we spend the wekend together and do all sorts of activities - and we take turns.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
women open to a relationship with men that enjoy threesomes?
Posted: 10/16/2013 5:53:58 PM
Eh, not me. I had two guys trying to make out with me at the same time once - They were trying to get me into a threesome, but there were too many hands on me and it freaked me out.
I had a boyfriend who wanted to try it - he said it would turn him on to see me with another man - but his desire turned me off.
There are plently of women who would be interested. I think it should be brought up early on. If it's something you need in a relationship, better to know if this is an option early on rather than waste time with someone who isn't sexually compatible.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Need some thoughts and input please.
Posted: 10/10/2013 7:44:03 PM
You said something snotty, turned out the light and went to bed. I agree with the other poster that said never go to bed mad, but you did so fine. So the next morning when she doesn't go on the bike ride with you, you knew something was wrong. Why still go? Why not try and work things out? Leaving her made it worse. Then she wants to go home and you do nothing to show you care or are sorry - you just let her go - making it way worse. Then you say:



ok, I’ll see you around.


Are you kidding me? That would be enough right there for me to decide it was over. My boyfriend acts like and ass, has plenty of time to apologize or talk to me about it - but doesn't. Then he caps it all off with "I'll see you around" ??? And THEN he ignores me for a week. Uh, BYE!
No wonder she's done with you. What starts out as something little can turn into something huge. There's always something much deeper going on.

I'd leave her be. Hopefully you learn not to be so passive aggressive and work through these small fights instead of being so stubborn.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Still need to ask her dad for her hand in marriage?
Posted: 10/4/2013 10:28:45 PM
I think it's a sweet gesture. My boyfriend and I are on the same page about it, I guess we're kind of 'traditional'. My boyfriend's fiancee didn't ask my dad and it kind of left a bad taste in everyone's mouth.
I'm very close with my parents and it just wouldn't seem right to me if my boyfriend didn't ask my dad. Of course if he said no it wouldn't effect my decision, I just like the idea of it.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Reading these forums caused breakup with GF
Posted: 10/3/2013 5:42:51 PM
I tell my boyfriend about these forums all the time and he doesn't care. But my profile is hidden and f anyone were to find it, they can see I am in a relationship.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
computers communicating better?
Posted: 10/2/2013 5:35:20 PM
I think it depends on the person. Someone who is all about themseles would love it. All the questions about them, all the attention given to them. Personally, I like more of a give and take. How can I bond with someone if I know nothing about them? I'd have to be a total narcissist to want a relationship where the other person only asked me about me and didn't share anything about themselves.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Is house arrest a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/30/2013 4:02:02 PM
Troll.....................................
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Is it ok to show up at my mans house unannounced??
Posted: 9/24/2013 7:03:00 PM
Well, after 3 years I would think you'd have a key and could pop in whenever - but obviously your relationship isn't like that. He's not giving you what you need, that's obvious. Everyone is different; I don't care if my boyfriend pops by unannounced. I have a key to his place and still knock when I come over - drives him nuts because he says I am welcome to just come in any time I want. I'm welcome there whenever - BUT if I had just spoken to him and he said he wasn't in the mood for company, I'd stay away. But then again - if he ever didn't want me over, I'd probably think something was up because that's never happened :P
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Confused
Posted: 9/23/2013 4:34:07 PM
You guys have been seeing each other since February and you're not exclusive? I wouldn't stand for that, especially if we were sleeping together. Time to put on your big girl panties and put a stop to this. You are only going to end up getting hurt. You deserve much better. Don't you think?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do I end a toxic relationship even though we still love each other?
Posted: 9/23/2013 4:28:43 PM
Move on. Don't you have any respect for yourself? It's only been 6 months and you've had all of these problems? You don't really love her, you love the drama and the idea of being in love. And she loves walking all over you and getting her ego stroked from all directions.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What the heck happened?
Posted: 9/10/2013 4:03:16 PM
2 hours every weekend is perfectly do-able if you are truly interested in someone.
My boyfriend lives an hour and a half away and we take turns driving out to see each other EVERY weekend. Another half hour wouldn't change things. Yes, we'll be moving in together soon as he's willing to relocate by me, but we made the effort to see if it would work. We WANTED to make the effort, which is something neither of you in willing to do, so I'd forget it if I were you. What's the point?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
People who work full time, Where do you find the time to date?
Posted: 9/5/2013 4:39:25 PM
Weekends! During the week I work 7:30am to 4pm and my boyfriend works 5pm to 330am! We would never get to see each other so thank GOD we both have weekends off :)
Prior to this relationship it was tough because I had to work every weekend and that's when most people go out, but I would sneak in dates during the week here and there. If you really want something, you can set aside a few hours for it.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 9/5/2013 4:26:57 PM
I know a guy who had a kid with the woman he had been dating because he felt he was getting old and since she already had a kid, he thought she would be a good mom. No plans for marriage or any future together, he just wanted a kid and they had been together for a while. She didn't want marriage, but always wanted a son. Surprise, surprise - it didn't work out and now his kid lives across the country with the mother. He admits it wasn't a wise decision, but at the time it "made sense". I feel terrible for him but you have to live with the choices you make.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Tee total - a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2013 9:47:24 AM
As others have said, it was probably questioning every one of her hang over symptoms that did you in. I would totally date a guy that doesn't drink and have - but of he is going to question me about it, or ittiate me when I happen to have a hangover, forget it.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Im Not attracted to good girls, Why???
Posted: 8/26/2013 4:04:29 PM
I dated the guy I am with now when we were in our late teens/early 20's. He was a wanna be bad boy that didn't know what he was looking for. We broke up because we were young and both wanted different things. He ended up dating girls who drank, stayed out all night, weren't close to their families, skipped school, had low self-esteem, made really poor life decisions... that kind of thing. Totally opposite of me, who he considered a good girl. I was responsible but still had fun and was plenty adventerous but I also had self respect and standards, LOL. Now he's all grown up and knows what he wants and it's not a 'bad girl' -it's me :) You'll grow out of it.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Children from previous relationship
Posted: 8/25/2013 9:54:45 PM

Obviously, taking care of a 5 year old boy at the moment is not an option.

What is so obvious? People do it all the time. What if 'the kid' was your kid and your husband had a broken leg and you were also taking care of the grandfather? Would you send the kid away? Put grandad in a nursing home? You're not very flexible or hard working, because that actually doesn't seem like a huge hassle. People deal with much, much more in their daily lives. I don't get it.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 8/13/2013 5:14:40 PM
Well, you found out this guy isn't at the same place in the relationship as you are. That's a good thing - now you know where you stand and if you aren't comfortable you can move on.

I made my profile private about a month into dating my boyfriend, so I don't think asking at the one month point is premature. We did date when we were younger so maybe that made a difference? Like some of the others, I will never totally delete my profile because I'm here for the forums. It's all about trust.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Very Much 'in Like' With Her
Posted: 8/12/2013 7:26:25 PM
She seriously said, "I know"??
What kind of a tone was it? If someone told me they liked me and I answered with, "I know" that would mean you're in the friend zone - but obviously everyone is different.
I'd probably ask her out if her tone was playful...
Good luck :)
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Unintentionally meeting someone on POF at a bar....has it happened to you?
Posted: 8/6/2013 8:55:01 PM
I've had 2 guys from POF approach me in a bar - only to tell me off for not responding to them. Fun times.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 7/31/2013 4:30:08 PM
I had a very toxic friendship when I was in my 20's. When I finally broke free of her my life improved 10 fold. It's one of the best things I ever did for myself.
The people who "unfriend" you over this aren't worth it. The people you meet moving forward who aren't connected to her will prove this.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Is NOT talking about your long-term ex okay?
Posted: 7/29/2013 6:34:09 PM
I don't like hearing about ex's. When my boyfriend and I got back together after 13 years, obviously I knew he dated others during that time. Hell, he has a kid now from a very long term relationship. I understand he spent a ton of time with another woman, but I am just not interested in hearing about it. When I tell stories I edit out ex's because if I don't want to hear about other's ex's, I give them the same respect. Or I will say my friend or something. My boyfriend wanted to be open and honest with me about everything until I told him I didn't need to hear who he was with in every story. He has stopped which I greatly appreciate, but I wish it would have been that way from the beginning. It's just when an ex is mentioned in EVERY story it's annoying. I want to get to know the person I am with, not their ex. (Side note: there's an episode of How I Met Your Mother about this where they use "sister" - I think after that episode my BF finally got it.)
So, in conclusion, I think NOT talking about your ex is definitely ok. A mention here and there so you know they're not crazy psycho about avoiding talking about them is good - but even mentioning them occasionally gets to be too much over time.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Confused and trying to play it cool
Posted: 7/9/2013 4:06:56 PM
How do you know his phone is off?
Yes, because it's been off for 24 hours, he is dead.
My boyfriend and I went on vacation over the long weekend and we didn't have service in the areas we visited. OMG our families must have thought we were REALLY dead because it was way longer than 24 hrs!
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Wife-to-be ended engagement. what now?
Posted: 7/8/2013 9:01:46 PM
Wow, I don't get it. You have 2 kids and were engaged, yet it was too soon for you to have a key?
I really don't know what to say aside from this isn't meant to be.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Sex vs Personality
Posted: 7/8/2013 8:46:39 PM

- Vanilla : A man or woman who is loyal, sweet, intelligent, and that can satisfy your mental/emotional needs. Yet they are inihibited and lack that killer sexual instinct.
- Chocolate : A man or woman who satisfies all your sexual needs but who is self involved, boring to talk to, and monogamy is like a foreign concept.


Well, I found someone who: satisfies all my sexual needs AND is loyal, sweet, intelligent, and can satisfy my mental/emotional needs. Took a while, but perhaps I found the Holy Grail. The best of both worlds does exist :)
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
female friend
Posted: 6/27/2013 4:00:05 PM
My boyfriend had a female 'best friend'. From the minute we started dating she started trying to mark her territory. I pointed this out to him and he just couldn't see it. Anyway, a few months later her claws really came out, she said nasty things about me and he cut her off. (I had never even met her and they didn't really seem like best friends anyway) I realize not all best girlfriends act this way (it was obvious she had feelings for him but he couldn't or refused to see it) but most of my experiences have been like this.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Can't read this gal
Posted: 6/18/2013 6:10:11 PM
Well, you did wait a few days to text her, so she decided to wait too. Don't play games - it seems like she liked you, but waiting a few days to contact her after your date may have been a turn off.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Would you want your boyfriend to ask you about your day or is this just annoying?
Posted: 6/6/2013 9:00:32 PM
My boyfriend works the night shift and every afternoon when he wakes up he texts me to see how my day has been going. In the past, guys have annoyed me by doing this, but I realized it's because I wasn't that crazy about them. My boyfriend also calls me every night on his lunch break to chat for a bit. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our schedules are opposite so we only see each other on the weekends - I love the daily contact, but that's probably because I love him :)
I'm not sure I'd ask her every day how her day is since it seems the relationship is still progressing, but it's always nice to hear someone is thinking about us and cares about what's going on in our lives.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
She wants to take things slow?
Posted: 5/28/2013 7:38:35 PM
She wants to be single and have some fun on her trip...
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 5:20:16 PM
If he was moving now, I'd say no. But you have 9 months to see where things go. Don't stress about it - see where things go. Looks for jobs and keep the idea in mind, but don't focus on it - the pressue could ruin everything.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Approaching you during Girls night out
Posted: 5/20/2013 8:46:15 PM
It depends on what kind of a girls night out it is...
Most of my girls' night outs were to meet guys. We made sure we were approachable and made eye contact. So if a girl makes eye contact with you, go for it.
Now when I go out for a girls' night it's to catch up cuz we're all married or in relationships. We don't make eye contact or give off the vibe that we're looking to meet someone so when guys approach us it's flattering, yet kind of annoying.
Just look for the signs...
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/14/2013 4:23:51 PM
I don't get the FWB thing, it's just not for me. If my BF had a FWB that he wanted to hang out with alone... well, he could go for it but wouldn't have me to come back to. Maybe I'm the jealous type, but I just don't want to be in that situation. Especially if they keep going back to each other after other relationships fail. Nope, no thanks. Maybe if this was a FWB from years and yearas ago... but in your situation your BF would be wise to back off. And the three of you hanging out? AWKWARD.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Let Freedom Ring, or Get her a Ring?
Posted: 5/1/2013 5:55:48 PM
If the "what ifs" with these brand new women are going through your head, it means you don't want to be with your ex. If you wanted to be with her, you wouldn't give these 'what ifs' a second thought.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Why would she keep her profile?
Posted: 5/1/2013 5:51:02 PM
I still have mine and I'm in a serious monogamous relationship - profile is hidden... but that's because I am going for the record of being here the longest... ;P Oh and I love the forums of course.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Asking for more photo's....
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:33:43 PM
Ask if they'd be willing to trade more pics.
I hated when a guy would ask me for more pics yet he didn't have any to send in return.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Making Me Jealous? Player? CRAZY? I can't deal with these games!
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:26:22 PM
He isn't into you. He's not playing any games. His last text to you was pretty clear to me - the polite brush off.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Separated status - does it really matter? Why?
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:04:37 PM
Just wait until you or your friends get burned by someone who is 'separated'.
I dated a guy who was separated and it was fine, he was just boring - but after that I heard so many horror stories I have stayed clear.

Even of they don't admit it, people think about the future before they even start dating someone. If I were to date someone who was separated I would immediately consider the issue of him getting back with his ex (happens ALL of the time). Even if we're just causally dating it could turn into something more - marriage might become an issue if he is still legally married... When I was younger I never thought ahead, but that's something you start doing when you get older. Doesn't mean people are bitter - just a bit wiser.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Sends Me Her Phone Number Same Night, Red Flag?
Posted: 4/10/2013 4:50:44 PM
That's what happens when all you're looking for is a chance to cop a feel.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Good Morning Text
Posted: 4/9/2013 7:33:23 PM
Like other have said, it's annoying when you're not into the person...
When I have been annoyed by such things I know I don't care for the guy.
But when Iike him, I think it's the sweetest thing ;)
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:14:31 AM
Hmm, I guess I don't get it. All the things you did to change did not make you NOT a nice guy. Guys who have all the qualities you worked on are still nice. Difference is they don't run around crying about how nice they are.

I stand up for myself, I take care of myself, I don't stop my life for anyone, but if I can help I will. I don't let people push me around - and I think I'm still a nice person. I don't announce it, but I know it - so no need to say it.
 
Show ALL Forums