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 Author Thread: How did I do?
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How did I do?
Posted: 6/3/2013 4:13:38 PM
Holy smokes. Thanks for a great example of dating profile plagiarism. But not only is it copied from another site, it's pretty bad! The OP really needs to delete the whole thing. The second sentence is ironically funny:

I'm sure that you have already read that in about two hundred other profiles anyway and I believe that words are cheap...
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please help me out
Posted: 6/2/2013 8:02:35 PM
Delete the mirror pic altogether, which certainly shouldn't be a main profile pic. People see the thumbnail first and are looking for somebody to draw them in to click on your profile. Really all that's visible on the thumb is that bright white dot of a flash. The full pic is marginally better. The best pic to advertise yourself is you sitting between the two dudes in the bar. They look kinda goofy, so maybe consider cropping them out.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I'm all about the constructive criticism
Posted: 6/2/2013 7:39:27 PM
It's way too long. A woman may be a great catch, but I typically won't even read a profile that long.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
OK......
Posted: 5/19/2013 3:25:39 PM
The satire of your headline made me laugh--very nice. However along the same line as Wolfie, I skipped right over the quote. I pretty much never read them, since I'm interested in what a woman says & thinks.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
What's wrong with my profile?
Posted: 5/16/2013 5:59:44 AM
Delete the adventure anecdote. While it may have been fun, it's actually a pretty boring read that will have the opposite effect you're probably hoping for.

Add a paragraph on what kind of women/relationship you're interested in.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Well... a profile review please :)
Posted: 5/12/2013 1:30:04 PM
No, I was referring to my post; consequently the summation of all my paragraphs.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Well... a profile review please :)
Posted: 5/12/2013 10:21:48 AM
Delete the movie quote line. You're opening with "I'm kind of a big deal." It doesn't matter that it's a movie quote, because the first thing a woman reads is majorly egocentric. Delete it.

Stating that you have an awesome sense of humor and that you're quite witty means nothing. Your readers will think, "Yeah, right. Nothing on this profile is funny or witty." If you in fact are, let your profile demonstrate this.

Organize items about you into one paragraph. Use proper punctuation & grammar. Give examples of your interests in the About Me section. Where do you like to travel? List a few movie genres or specific examples. What are you good at cooking?

Ditto for music. You listen to all sorts of music? So much that it's insane? You're implying that if a woman likes Renaissance, opera, impressionist, lullabies, country blues, bebop, Asian pop, contemporary Christian, house, industrial, showtunes, or polka, there's a good chance you like it too. Just give a few examples and drop the trite metaphor.

A woman is going to write you if she wants and woman who thinks a guy must make the first move won't write. Delete "If you're interested say what's up, I'll take it from there" since it adds nothing and suggests that you really can't be bothered with writing first.

First Date: A woman will read about robbing a bank & fleeing the country, but have no clue what it's supposed to mean. How about something real? Plus becoming your slave sounds creepy.

(TL;DR) Cut the ego, creepiness, and self evident truths. Use examples.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Help me with my profile!
Posted: 5/12/2013 9:33:04 AM
I think your main pic should be the hula-hoop one. It shows your great smile, you look happy & fun, and the reader can see what you look like in the thumbnail. In the jumping pic thumbnail the reader can't see your face.

I'm not a fan of the headline, which sounds a bit defeatist. I agree with jessebunnies on headlines.

You sound interesting & fun, but consider adding a short paragraph on what kind of guy you're looking for.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please review my profile
Posted: 5/12/2013 8:03:18 AM
Exactly what Ouija said. It's not surprising you get few responses since you really don't have much of a profile.

Have you read the Profile Writing Tips post at the top of the forum? Do your homework.

One of your interests is living? Really? Another is learning; give examples of what you enjoy learning instead and tell the reader what your college major is.

Delete the first line since the header already says "About John." That you're new to POF is just filler. Every following sentence begins with "I," so use what you learned in your freshman composition class to add variety. Some of your interests are repeated in the About section, which means the second time it occurs it's just filler. Instead of listing them twice you can elaborate a little on types of film, music, traveling locales, etc...

Include a paragraph about what type of relationship & woman you're looking for.

Add another photo or two.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Need help with my profile
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:47:26 AM
Read the Profile Writing Tips at the top of the forum if you haven't already.

Replace pics 2 & 3. You look sad and depressed. Labeling yourself in photos as serious or tried [sic] isn't an excuse to use them. Have somebody else take pics of you smiling/having fun.

Use proper punctuation & capitlization: help your target women think you're willing to put time and energy into your profile... and eventually them. Edit those run-on sentences--it's exhausting to read them! Use paragraphs, including one about what type of woman you're interested in.

Delete "My real name is Steve" since the header for the section is 'About Steve." Delete any mention of never having been in a relationship or on a date. Don't list things you hate--you want to relay positive vibes, not negative ones.

First date: women like a man with a plan, so put down something concrete.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/7/2013 9:24:34 AM
Your headline misses the mark. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

The About Me section is way too long. Cut it in half. It's just too much and nine times out of ten I won't read one that long. I couldn't even read your initial forum post. Save the huge tracts of text for close friends. Hopefully your messages to women are much, much, much shorter.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Feedback for this old school'er
Posted: 5/7/2013 9:06:30 AM
Since this is a dating site I doubt you're going to receive any responses. You are married and you have no photo. Why would a woman pursue this? It's just a matter of what women are looking for. Not you.

No doubt your wife is aware of what you're doing, so state that on your profile! Your profile needs substance. Your profession is 150%? That means nothing and is suspicious... like you're hiding something.

Post a picture of yourself. Sending a photo on request is pretty meaningless. Geek is not an interest. Emotional content of what is an interest? Of books? Of movies? Of people?

The statements about nice guys and Superman are empty and add nothing.

For your first date, what rules??? Talk about being suspect!

It appears that you are less than honest and sneaking around. If you're truly looking for friends, get involved in a local activity or cause. Go to the website that begins with meetup and ends with com.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
profile review please? no answers/interest/etc
Posted: 5/7/2013 8:31:15 AM
Exactly what motown CG said. You haven't given your reader a reason to write back, much less write you in the first place. If I saw a woman's profile like yours, I wouldn't spend two seconds on it. Your profile is a place to SELL yourself in a positive way.

Did you read the Profile Writing Tips and the top of the forum? Did you watch the video on the Edit Profile page? Read and watch, then reconstruct your profile.

Not only is the photo against POF rules, but it's the same as having no pic. How often are you writing women who have no photo on their profile? "Your face MUST be clearly visible in your MAIN IMAGE. All images MUST contain you."
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Can you review my profile please
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:34:26 AM
Yes, sarcasm is a bad idea. For one thing, the women you're targeting will not know if you're joking or serious. You need to sell yourself instead of writing a strange list. Three of them I can tell are not serious, but no woman will think they're funny. Avoid mentioning deal breakers, since they come across as negative.

Some comments on a few random elements... A minimum 32C? Are you joking? Women who fulfill your requirements are not going to be happy that they passed the test. They're just going to see how shallow you are. Can't be too chatty or opinionated? So you like to keep a woman in her place. Nice. A TV requirement. How many reasons do you want not to include this?

Really, don't include anything from your list in your profile.

Vetting process? You might go on a date at your discretion? You sound like a not-funny male chauvinist.

Start over. Sell yourself and give women positive reasons to be interested. As it stands, the profile sounds like a filter to keep them away.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
profile review ppl thanks
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:02:46 AM
What ouija and Irish said. A query for help with a profile like this almost seems like a troll post.

Ouija, there are actually four cartons for an occasional smoker. Even if they're somebody else's or if that's your year supply, they shouldn't be in the photo. Get your hands out of your pants too, because it's going to look really stupid to women.

Get rid of what you're trying to make a self evident truth; stating that you're a cool guy does not make you cool. Nor do your pics. Not unlike a retail item that is advertised as being a collectible, if it's advertised as collectible, it probably isn't. Use examples of your interests, what you enjoy, and what you're looking for.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please Review and Honest Opinion
Posted: 5/3/2013 12:53:11 PM
Get rid of the self portrait pics & have somebody take some well lit pics. Get rid of the art pics. They are not allowed per POF. "All images MUST contain you." Plus people don't care about pics other than of the person.

Your answer to do you do drugs should be yes since you list 420 in your interests. Lying gets you nowhere.

The profile is exhausting to read. Start over with a different approach. Also always copy and paste the about me section into a word processor for help with grammar & punctuation.

Otherwise... Cut out "Hi Ladies," which sounds ridiculous. And you need a woman to make you feel comfortable? Makes you sound like you think women owe you something. In fact, delete everything about dancing.

"I cant tell you what kind of women i want because i love women..." Delete that whole sentence. Words can't describe my interpretation.

Delete the types of women you don't want. Negativity is not attractive. Delete the final sentence that begins with "In the end ladies..."

Rewrite your First Date, which is one massively long run-on sentence.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Rate my profile? :)
Posted: 5/3/2013 9:05:35 AM
Of course you don't want to pretend to be something you're not, but I think a different attitude/approach is in line. You do a good job of undermining and selling yourself short throughout your profile. Confidence is attractive, so redo with that in mind.

Change the headline to something more positive. "Thought I'd give this a shot..." sounds like you're not very interested.

Your main photo looks like a mug shot taken with a web cam; neither component should be used. I'm not seeing women being interested in the messy pic. Photos with red eye never are a good idea. Delete those three and have a friend take some new ones. The one with your buddy is fun, as long as your the guy on the right. I think you're on the right but I'm not sure, so label it.

Delete the first two paragraphs. The first undermines you and filters out a lot of women who might otherwise be interested. Your readers are going to see your self description contain words like weird, strange, weirdo, odd, and different. You may be a very unique guy, but let them discover that in person!

In the second paragraph everybody could probably say the first two sentences. And in the third you're suggesting that your target women might not have very much in common with you.

"I don't want to write too much for my profile..." That is lame, lazy nonsense. Delete it. Be excited and optimistic about yourself and sell it!

"Not exactly the most exciting thing to do..." makes you sound boring and unmotivated. Delete it.

The final sentence. If you've managed to read all that and not get bored??? That makes you sound like you couldn't even be bothered with reading it.

Consider adding a few lines on what you're searching for in a woman.

Your first date makes you sound weak and indecisive. Women like guys with a plan.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
A Review Request.
Posted: 5/1/2013 4:33:50 PM
You misspelled intellectual. Likewise for animals.

The headline makes no sense: take a few tick tocks off you are clock? Check your punctuation.

Eliminate the **** cursing instances, which lend nothing positive to a profile. It reflects poorly on the writer.

Give examples instead of presenting purported self evident truths. Don't say you like intellectual conversations, state that you enjoy talking about the German philosophers, string theory, neolibertarianism, or whatever you enjoy discussing. Treat your ambition, what you want in life, how you're going to get it, your goals, and whatever it is you're doing everyday to achieve them in the same manner.

You're an entrepreneur? You no doubt are, but saying it sounds like you're trying to impress somebody. Tell the reader what you do.

Delete the last sentence, which sounds like it comes from an overinflated ego.

Your whole profile is about you, you, and you. Tell your would-be dates what kind or relationship you're looking for. What type of woman do you hope to meet?
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Please review, honesty appreciated!
Posted: 4/30/2013 3:57:10 PM
I'm not sure why you're not getting hits. However here are a few thoughts.

At the beginning don't say "...some good, and some bad..." I don't see anything bad, plus our profile is not the place to mention any shortcomings. You're honest, which is absolutely wonderful, but don't short change yourself. At the very end do not use "an average lady." Sell yourself and say you're a great lady! I'd absolutely believe that.

Otherwise you might delete duplicate info in the About Me section: you have your own car, archery, golfing, and skiing. Finally consider organizing the info into a few paragraphs, which will make it easier to read.

I think you've got a great start! And i like your photos.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Can I please get a review
Posted: 4/30/2013 9:07:50 AM
Correct the grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Your profile is rife with out of control run-on sentences, which not only make a profile difficult to read, but they also do not paint a good picture. At all. Copy and paste the About Me section into a word processing application for help identifying errors.

Delete all your smileys/emoticons. You use so many that they lose any meaning. They are not punctuation.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Profile review be honest please!
Posted: 4/30/2013 8:44:24 AM
Your pictures on the whole need to be updated with more variety, better qualify, and better lighting. At the minimum delete photos two and four. After you update your pics, delete photo number one.

Correct the grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Errors in this area can make a person sound unintelligent. You're going to start school, so make sure your women readers know you're smart! Copy and paste the About Me section into a word processing application; they do a pretty fair job of identifying errors.

These basics you need to change immediately:
Capitalized words are mainly the first word in a sentence and proper nouns. The arbitrary capitalization in your profile is detrimental to what women will think about you.
Use a space after each comma and period.
Do not use a comma after "and" or "but."

Good luck!
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
review please
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:45:46 AM
Much better! You work in retail. That's nice to know for guys who are looking for something to write about from your profile. Your examples of Nickelback, Bon Jovi, what you like to do, and your movie tastes are excellent. These things all help better define who you are, which translates into self knowledge and a level of confidence. These traits are attractive to both men and women. Now I'm able to read through your profile and have a much better idea of who you are. Nice job.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
review please
Posted: 4/29/2013 9:03:53 AM
I'd delete the first two paragraphs. Other than the part about not feeling or acting your age, I don't know what your point is. Avoid using elements like lol, hmmmm, and x. If you must use lol and hmmmmm, keep it to one time, and then only if they add something. Right now hmmmmm seems like a space filler and I have no idea in the places lol is used. Same thing for the winks and smiley faces. I don't understand what you're winking about.

For your profession, be confident and positive to tell us what you do! Responses such as Yes, Have One, or I Can Do Anything demonstrate lack of confidence. Any time I see those purported professions it comes across as a negative point. And why the winky face? Are you a hooker? That would be the time to use a wink.

Take out laughing from your interests. Everybody enjoys laughing. Since you mention films, mention a genre or two, or possibly even a couple of specific favorites.

Tell the reader what your favorite band is.

Saying that there's more to you than your profile goes without saying for everybody on this dating site. I'd take it out since it doesn't say anything about you--it just takes up space. Same thing for what makes you unique. Also, what have you got to lose says to the reader that, meh, I'm nothing special. Sell yourself! You can be positive and optimistic without coming across as a Pollyanna.

Use proper punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and spelling. This makes your profile clearer and easier to read. If I don't understand what a woman is trying to say, I'm not sticking around to decode it.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Profile tuneup help from women?
Posted: 4/19/2013 3:46:22 PM
Irish Eyez, that cracked me up. When my eyes play word tricks on me like that, the result is usually pretty funny. At least to me! And I added a first date section.

You go, that was an excellent point. The stock questions don't accurately describe my kid situation, or more accurately my openness to dating a woman with children. Profile updated. Thanks!

ochikergirl, your point absolutely made my day. Thanks. If this dating profile is my biggest problem, my life isn't too bad... :-)

Thanks everybody!
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Profile tuneup help from women?
Posted: 4/18/2013 6:28:55 AM
Thanks for all your suggestions! I will work on the first date section.

As for the now former main pic, it is from '07. I knew it was old, I just didn't know it was that old until you asked me about it & I looked up that trip. It's no longer my main photo, and I labeled it with the year.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Profile tuneup help from women?
Posted: 4/17/2013 10:49:56 AM
I recently reactivated my profile on this site and would love to hear any thoughts, suggestions, or opinions any of you women might have. Not that guys don't have good ideas, but guys don't think like women, and since I'm looking for a woman...

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39571776
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