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 Author Thread: 1 year on, and still havent met!!!!!!!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 59 (view)
 
1 year on, and still havent met!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:11:51 PM
@Snuggles...
Maybe you endorse this type of 'relationship' but I don't. And don't give ME advise on how to state my opinion...bad form.

Anyone who strings a woman or a man along for over a year with that type of crap is not interested in a normal relationship...oh, but they can certainly have an abnormal one. Yes, abnormal is a type of relationship too...I just don't advise entering into one.

But you go right ahead...
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Would this be an issue for you? Should it be an issue for anyone?
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:55:47 PM
Wow, I give the same advise here as I would in my office and everyone gets up in arms! I do believe that identifying myself as a licensed therapist made some people upset! Funny, the same advise and opinion was given by multiple people before me and no one said a thing. I stand by my advise, and if you don't like it don't read it! It was meant for the OP, no one else.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Would this be an issue for you? Should it be an issue for anyone?
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:50:03 PM
If you don't agree with my response, say so. I stand by my advise and as many of us are participating in online counseling, and this was posed as a question, I see no problem my answering. If you were were actually a therapist, you would know this. You seem very threatened that I am offering advise here. Perhaps you should explore that.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
I need help!
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:27:29 AM
Be glad you didn't do something stupid like marry her. At least you found out what kind of person she is before you got married and had kids with her. I'd advise you see the counselor available on base and talk through this, not post here on the forums. While some, like me, may be psychologists, most aren't and you're not looking for an answer you need a counselor.
Best wishes and good luck.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 165 (view)
 
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:18:11 AM
This book has the biology right, women do release oxytocin during intercourse, but that doesn't mean that women are incapable of having sex without falling in love or wanting a long-term relationship with the deal. As a therapist, I see patients who have many disorders, and some have the effect of leading the women into 'quick fixes' when they are feeling depressed or especially those suffering from bipolar disorder. When there is an underlying problem of psychological disorder, sexual promiscuity often is one of the symptoms. That oxytocin women release makes them feel loved, and when you're depressed you want to feel that, so in essence having sex is a way of self-medicating.

Can the average, mentally healthy woman have casual sex and not become depressed? Certainly! Women have sexual needs just like men, and in some cases higher libidos than men when they get into their mid to late thirties, and it's nice to have someone 'scratch that itch' when you need it. Is it advisable to have random sex partners, even with condom use? No, of course not, because we all know that herpes, warts, and other STDs can be transmitted even with proper condom use. But there are plenty of women in the world that don't want to get married or in a serious relationship and instead have a good friend that is in a similar situation they can call for a roll in the hay when the urge hits.

College students are not the 'norm' for studying sexual habits, in my opinion. The level of maturity, reckless behavior, situational pressures and changes happening in their lives do not lend for solid choices when it comes to relationships, sexual or otherwise. So, take it with a grain of salt, and go by your own feelings and make choices that you can live with.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
1 year on, and still havent met!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:02:45 AM
You can't lose what you don't have, and what you don't have here is a relationship. This guy could be a troll living in the basement of some mental facility for all you know! When someone wants a relationship, they want to meet face to face with one another. The fact that he 'doesn't want to ruin the friendship' is a BS reason for not meeting. Do yourself and your self-esteem a huge favor and tell him to buzz off! Tell him you aren't in the business of wasting years of your life being a phone buddy, that you are too great a person not to have a normal relationship.

I guarantee you will feel a heck of a lot better when you stop answering his texts and calls and go have dinner or drinks with a nice man. God knows there are plenty of great guys on here who would love to have a date with you! I found my Prince Charming six years ago and we've been engaged for over a year and the wedding is in June. Oh, and we are at present moving into the house we bought together. Yeah, I had some 'oops' dates where I thought the evening was never going to end, but I kept looking and before I knew it I was dating the greatest guy I have ever known! You can do the same!
Best of luck!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Would this be an issue for you? Should it be an issue for anyone?
Posted: 4/4/2012 4:51:55 AM
As a therapist, I can give you some advice here. It's your choice to take it or disregard it completely. This man may not have ever cheated and might not ever cheat, but it sounds like he has some serious emotional baggage when it comes to relationships and trust. Because he has seen the most influential woman in his life, his mother, participate in an affair and have a child with another woman's husband, not to mention continuing the affair much longer than any woman with self-respect and what most would consider to be good morals would ever contemplate, he is likely to assume that other women feel the same as his mother and don't have the ability to stay faithful within a committed relationship. There may be serious sexual issues as well, so I would be very wary of beginning any kind of physical relationship until you both agree that you are planning to stay together and be monogamous.

We are very much shaped by our parents lives, their morals and values, and it is difficult to change those thought patterns without counseling. I would refrain from making any comments about unmarried couples or those who are unfaithful. You need to examine your own feelings about him and if he has all the other wonderful qualities that you desire in a partner then give it a shot. But if you would rather be free to date him and date others until you've made your mind up about who you want to settle into a relationship with, I would advise you to skip him as a candidate.

With him bringing up his history so early, on the first date, and taking offense at something that absolutely every tabloid has already written, whether or not Snooki knows who the father of her child actually is, then that says he is really damaged by what his mother and father did, and that may be more of a wound than you are ready to tend. There were many ways he could have told you about his parents, his mother and father being in an illicit affair and him being the result, as well as his lack of a relationship with his father. It sounds as though he didn't really just want you to know, he wanted sympathy and perhaps to shock you a bit. Think more than twice before considering him dating material, I'd keep it on a 'friend' basis for a good while before you think about actually dating him.

Good luck!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Ex-girlfriend partying
Posted: 1/6/2012 2:41:31 AM
My advice? Quit being a masochist and block her from texting, calling, emailing, etc. It will be more empowering than you can imagine! It will also keep her from twisting the knife in that open wound.

Second, don't try to skip the healing process. Obviously you are hurt and were in love, so it's going to take a good while for you to get your head and heart back in shape. Don't date ANYONE for at least six months to a year. Sounds like a terribly long time, right? It's not, though. That saying about the cure for one woman is to get on another one is complete bull, you will only bring every bit of hurt, resentment and anger, not to mention mistrust, into any relationship you enter before you heal. Too many people leave their husbands or wives or whatever and then want to get into an 'instant relationship' like they are exchanging a pair of socks! It never works!!!

You're in pain. It's completely normal, and you need some support. I'd like to see you get into counseling so you can work through these feelings. You'll come out a much better person, stronger and able to see when a woman sincerely loves you and when one is just using you. You won't miss the signals of a real relationship blossoming when it happens, you'll be able to trust yourself and know if you can trust her too. Most people don't give themselves the time or put in the effort to get to that point, but you should do this for YOU.

Finally, go do something just for you. Whether you take off for a long weekend alone to some place you've always wanted to go, or you buy yourself some electronic toy you've been wanting, or you start going to the gym and hire a trainer...whatever it is, make it about YOU and only YOU. Be selfish right now. You need a little self pampering, some feelgood time that helps you keep yourself from sinking into a depression. Look at this not as losing a love, but as getting rid of the wrong woman and now getting the opportunity to do some things to treat yourself as you deserve and then eventually finding a woman who will love you for real and treat you like the wonderful man you are. And hey, you have to be a pretty great guy if you can love someone this deeply who doesn't even deserve it! Just think how fantastic it is going to be to love someone that loves you back as hard as you love her!!!!

You're going to be fine, honest. Just please listen to what I wrote and you are going to come through all of this much better than you could imagine.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Is virginity and lack of sexual experience really so bad?
Posted: 1/6/2012 2:14:36 AM
Dear Agnostiker,

I may have some special insight on your question here, as I am not only a therapist but my first marriage was to a man who was a 25 year old virgin. He and I dated for a long time (8 months) and I knew he was a virgin soon after we began dating. At the time, I enjoyed the fact that he and I had real conversations during our dates, every date didn't end with a wrestling match like every other boyfriend I had ever had! I was 17 when we started dating and almost 19 and in my third year of college when we married, so I was neither ignorant or naive. I was also not a virgin, having lost my virginity just before my 17th birthday to a young man I had dated for a year. So I wasn't trampy or in any way what could be termed a 'slut'.

When I began dating my ex-husband, I enjoyed what I thought was a more intellectual relationship. When we did have sex, he proposed the next day. Obviously, I said yes. Looking back it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. What he had failed to disclose was the REASONS he had remained a virgin until he was 25. He had absolutely no understanding of physical connection and love being important to a relationship. He also had never had a real relationship, of any kind, with a woman that would have led to a sexual encounter until he met me. He also was the king of fetishes, and I'm not talking about 'likes', I'm talking about not being able to perform or be interested unless every piece of the puzzle was in place...and those puzzle pieces became more degrading and horrifying as time went on. By the fourth year of our marriage, I finally realized that I could not stand being treated as if I were some sort of a 'dress-up doll' to satisfy his fantasies, with no consideration for any of my needs.

Now please understand that I'm about as outgoing and adventuresome as they come. I have had relationships with lovers who enjoyed all sorts of kinks and fetishes, but along with me accomodating their likes, I expect mine to be catered to as well. Sex is give and take, and the problem with my ex is he was all about the take, and if he didn't get everything his own way, he refused to touch me...no kisses, no talking, no sex, nothing. That is why he'd never had sex before, he'd never found anyone walking around willing to do what he 'had to have' to make him even interested in sex!

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he grew up with a screwed up value system in his family. His family's fortune was built on owning gambling establishments and whorehouses...literally. I only wish I were kidding. He was a toddler when his father began taking him along to these establishments, and while his father did business the whores took care of him. This obviously gave him a skewed sense of women and sexuality. It ruined him, as far as I'm concerned.

He also had issues with depression, paranoia, addiction, and a myriad of other mental problems that surfaced as our relationship progressed. So you see, his lack of sexuality and sexual desire was only ONE red flag that should have warned me to stay away.

I cannot help but notice from your posts that you don't seem to have any understanding of the psychological need to be with another person in a sexual relationship. You don't think there is any reason for it, even though you assume it might be pleasurable, other than for procreation. This suggests that you have a lack of libido, which could be caused by physical problems like low testosterone, prostate problems or even brain malfunction. I don't know if you are now or have been on any medications that may hinder your sexual function, but that is also a possibility. When you don't have the libido, you lose the ability to understand it in others. Sure, you enjoy the company of women, but you don't have sexual desire for them or you would have already made a move on someone, anyone!

You might want to get a physical, and then see a therapist about this. It isn't normal for a man your age to not want to have a sexual relationship with anyone, and if it is bothering you enough for you to start a thread about it, then go do something about figuring out what is going on with you and fixing it. No one on here is going to help you rationalize it or tell you it's fine and make you feel better. You need to see what the problem is for yourself.

Good luck, I wish you all the best.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
car park meets
Posted: 1/6/2012 1:33:46 AM
This is absolutely the lowest. I would have more respect for a woman getting paid for it than one who was just so lacking in any sort of self-respect to meet a total stranger and shagging him in a car upon meeting. Sure, as teenagers we were forced to 'make do' and that sometimes meant cars, out in the barn (that could be fun), or even in the bathroom at a party. But that was with a longterm boyfriend, not some stranger!

Sorry, but now that we're adults (or supposed to be) I think the whole car thing is something just uncomfortable and unless you are into public sex or maybe doing it once to 'relive your youth' it seems stupid to me.

I think I'd pass on the whole 'dogging' thing. I guess the only ones who resort to it must be what the term describes...dogs.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Vasectomy question here.
Posted: 1/6/2012 1:22:12 AM

I have always pulled back from ladies that said they could NOT get pregnant and they were clean ..so we didn’t need to use anything.. this seem to be happening more with ladies over 40 than under

Avalon1012,

THANK YOU for saying this!!!! The highest group of individuals contracting STDs and HIV right now are those over 40-60!!!! These are the people who have been married and somehow missed the message that CONDOMS ARE AN ABSOLUTE MUST for every sexual encounter!!! Most don't even know what a dental dam is or what it is used for, either, and that is why the Herpes 1 virus as well as 2 are now being found on the genitals, instead of 1 being defined by 'cold sores' and 2 as genital sores.

Oral sex transmits the virus, and even if you don't see sores, sloughing skin can contain the virus and voila, you're infected! Also, doctors are seeing men and women coming into their offices thinking they have strep throat when actually they have chlamidia and other STDs that have set up house in their mouths and throats from oral sex with an infected partner. One patient related an account of how he and a FWB got together after years of being apart. He stayed at her house for roughly a week and while he used a condom for sex, he had oral sex with no protection. He said he noticed his throat getting sore and his breath smelling bad after about four or five days. He said the sore throat became so bad he described it as akin to having drunk battery acid! When he went to the doctor, he tested negative for strep but positive for CHLAMIDIA! The doctor gave him antibiotics and then gave him a stern lecture.

He left the doctor's office not only sick but embarrassed and angry. He placed a call to the woman and left a message telling her that she needed to get treatment. Then he called a friend to go get his things for him and holed up in a hotel (he lived two states away) until he was better. He learned the hard way!

PROTECTION IS A MUST!!!! Just because someone says they are 'clean' doesn't mean shit these days. Just because they've just left their husband of 20 years doesn't mean they are clean either, they could have been cheated on, or have had sex with someone before you came around! Anyone who will go bareback with you most likely is used to going bareback as a rule!!!! If she/he doesn't insist on a condom, you better leave!

This message sponsored by a Taxpayer who Doesn't Want To Pay For Your Medical Bills, You Broke **stards! LOL
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Vasectomy question here.
Posted: 1/6/2012 1:04:01 AM
First, as a therapist I strongly advise you to seek the counsel of your urologist, a trusted therapist and your family doctor before you do anything. While the procedure is easily done with little pain (more for some, less for others) in your doctor's office, it is a much more difficult surgery to reverse. Also, at 41 you are MORE than capable of fathering a child very well, unless you have emotional problems. It is not at all unusual these days for women to wait until their late thirties or early forties to have a child, even a first child, so do not think that getting into a relationship with an age appropriate woman means that she does not want to have any children.

On a personal note, I had my daughter when I was just shy of 21 and married to my first husband. I did not think I would ever want another child, but had used the IUD ever since she was born, replacing it faithfully every 7 years as my gynocologist directed. Then several years ago I had what they called a 'sticky ovary', which is when an ovary moves for unknown reasons and attaches itself to the uterus. When I had the necessary surgery to remove it, the gynocologist tied my tubes at the same time, without my permission. This was upsetting to me, of course, because I did not specifically request it, but he said that he knew I did not plan to have more kids (he knows me well as we work together) and he did it as a favor free since he was 'already in there'.

Now I am marrying my wonderful love in June. He has no children and never planned on any, but we have discussed it many times. With my health issues and the added problem of me being 'fixed' it would be too dangerous for me to carry a child at this time. Also, there are some genetic predispositions in his family toward problems that we would not want to give to a child. So we plan to adopt if a child 'comes our way'. That means that in my early 40's I will be a mother to an infant again. He will be a father, finally, and honestly he should be a father because he is the kind of man every child SHOULD have as their dad. I only wish I had had such a kind, loving man as my father.

So I say to you, do not be hasty in making this decision. You may meet the love of your life one day and want to father children with her. I can honestly say there is no greater joy than being a parent, even when they are acting like little shits during the teen years! LOL Don't count it out just yet. But once again, it is YOUR decision and yours alone, and you should think long and hard about it before you decide either way.

One thing to remember is that even if you get the vasectomy, you STILL have to use condoms!!!!!! Just because pregnancy is no longer an issue, that doesn't mean that all the other STDs and HIV can't affect you and infect you!!! So by doing the 'snip' you're not saving yourself from using them, you are only stopping the option of children.

Good luck.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 129 (view)
 
INCREASED sex drive for women in their 40's
Posted: 1/6/2012 12:48:00 AM
^^^^^Me either!!! In fact, I don't remember us being in the 'missionary position' at all! (although for a time he did have me in 'frog' position upside down...does that come close?)

I don't know who these guys are having sex with that are the same age as me (41) but I know that at 36 my sex drive shifted into overdrive and at about 39 went into TURBO! I can say that yes, there are nights where sleep happens in 15 minute intervals and neither one of can walk straight the next day! LOL. I find it extremely funny and sexy that my fiance has taken to wearing silky loose boxers on days after marathon sex play and that we had to get him some very loose dress pants to accomodate him as well! I, on the other hand, have discovered the soothing relief Vagisil provides to a swollen and well pleased undercarriage!

I can honestly say I feel sexier now and am having BETTER sex than I ever did in my twenties, and I thought I was having fantastic sex then! If this gets any better I may never get any housework done! Thank GOD I can afford to hire help!!! I need the rest!

LOL
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 120 (view)
 
INCREASED sex drive for women in their 40's
Posted: 1/5/2012 1:02:14 AM

Posted By: boondocksaint73 on 12/18/2011 5:04:27 PM
Subject: INCREASED sex drive for women in their 40's
Message: ^^^Micki - I thought you were always horny...




BoonDock, baby...unlike guys, whose plumbing eventually fails them...us gals never get "too old" for da nooky



lmao...right...


maybe some/many men have their plumbing fail them...all women become barren - in their 40s...


I am sure it has SOMETHING to do with it...


while us men can continue to procreate till we die...

which again is why men prefer younger women...even in their 40s..


maybe it has to do with competition for men in their 40s who are going for younger women...


again,,,,just brainstorming here....


You should stop 'brainstorming'. You should take a basic biology course, because you really don't have much information right. First off, ALL women do NOT become barren in their forties. Most women do not complete menopause until mid-fifties, and natural births are recorded for women in their fifties, especially with better healthcare. Women's uteruses remain healthy long after menopause as well, so even women who no longer produce eggs naturally can be implanted with fertilized eggs and carry children. Google it if you don't believe me. It is not unusual for mothers to carry children for their daughters when their daughters have uterine abnormalities. Rajo Devi was 70 when she gave birth in India, naturally. She was the world's oldest mother and did not use any artificial means.

Men begin to lose their testosterone levels at a significant level in their mid-thirties. This is when most men begin experiencing occasional problems getting an erection, or the erection is not as firm as before. Of course, some men have this happen earlier than others, but while the male body certainly does continue to produce sperm until death, the ability to 'stand and deliver' begins to be curtailed as middle age approaches. Prostates begin to swell, which also lead to issues with ED, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and many other health problems all affect the male's ability to perform in the bedroom.

The worry that comes with knowing all of these are lurking around your penis causes your mind to double up on the problem. While women become much more comfortable with their bodies as they age and find orgasms and performance easier men become more worried and less able to perform without a care as they did back in their teens and twenties. That is why even the placeboes given instead of 'the little blue pill' worked for some men...it alleviated stress about sexual performance.

While those pills work for some, remember they don't work for everyone. And for some they are lethal. If you have prostate problems or depression and medications such as SSRI's are causing loss of sexual pleasure or ED, there may be no help to be found.

I feel so sorry for my clients who come to me discussing the problems they or their husbands have in regards to sex. Women rarely lose their sexual ability, some don't even lose it when on medications for depression. So, if your hope was to 'one up' the women as a man when it comes to sexual ability during middle age on into the later years, I'm afraid I have to burst your bubble.

Learn to use your hands, toys and how to perform oral sex well and keep your lady happy. No man keeps his erections forever...unless he gets a pump, and that's an entirely new essay! LOL
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 43 (view)
 
phone sex/sexting before meeting someone
Posted: 1/5/2012 12:35:12 AM
One of the WORST things that Facebook has brought about is random texts from 'friends' you have on your list from where you knew them in high school, at an old job or whatever, and all of a sudden out of nowhere they pop up asking you 'Hey pretty lady, how are you?' Where are you living now? Can I come by and see you sometime?'
These men are 99% of the time married or in relationships. 100% of them have NOT read my page, because it clearly says I am engaged and where I live now. I also have a picture of me and my fiance AS MY PROFILE PICTURE!!!! How frikken stupid do you have to be to not understand that I am NOT AVAILABLE????

OK, so once you get past their obvious idiocy regarding me as a viable candidate for a fling, you then just have to shake your head at how BAD these texts are at attempting to lure someone into a one night stand or whatever. Having a dude text 'I've always thought you had the best ass in our class, and your tits look yummy' just doesn't make me think 'Oh, he's my knight in shining armour!!!' It honestly makes me laugh at how stupid it is! My UPS man decided last night at 11PM was the time to make his move, for some unknown reason. The texts were so ridiculous that I felt it necessary to share them with a couple of friends and we had a good laugh! The worst of it all is he has a really nice girlfriend that we all know, and he has a reputation for making stops on his route here in town and banging some really skanky women. I was insulted that he thought he could even have a shot with me, and then in some weird way flattered that he was trying so hard...even if he is an idiot.

If a man wants to have a fling with a woman, call her. Don't put it in an im or text or email. If you are trying to get in someone's pants, have the balls to speak to them, not type. Just remember that anything you write that is stupid can be saved and shared forever!!!!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 65 (view)
 
cream pie tasting
Posted: 1/5/2012 12:17:14 AM
[The thing about this is it seems like a great , naughty idea at the time, as in, the heat of the moment just before exploding ( she says " after you cum I want you to get down there " ).

However, after you do cum it's like instantly sobering up and all of a sudden it's not such a great idea anymore - LOL

But hey, it builds character - and if it is considered recycling then I guess it helps GLOBAL WARMING too , right ?/]

We must all do our part to help fight GLOBAL WARMING!!! LOL

Actually, I had never had this done until an ex did it on his own, but we didn't do as one poster described the 'regular' sex, where I got mine, he got his and we went to sleep! Being multi-orgasmic and him being very talented and both of us with so much sexual chemistry for one another we practically gave off sparks, we were into marathon sessions pretty much every night of our marriage. With neither of us willing to stop after his orgasm, there were many times where he went back down and 'cleaned up' and it became an extremely erotic experience for both of us. Like another poster mentioned, it is taboo, it is something that makes you somehow much closer (you don't do that with just anyone) and it is always after one orgasm and infallably leads to an even bigger one!

Since my ex passed away, I had never done it again until a lover surprised me. I must say I had forgotten how intimate it was and how erotic and I found that it hit every pleasurable sensation in my brain and body. I think he had to peel me off the ceiling the first time he did it! LOL

Don't knock it till you try it!!!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 104 (view)
 
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 1/4/2012 11:50:26 PM
You should leave the site if you feel this way. I met my fiance on here four years ago. We've been together the entire time, and are getting married this coming June. We don't cheat, and the only reason I have a profile on here is I use many of the forum discussions as 'fodder' for some of my papers. I am working on my PhD in Psychology and have gotten an enormous amount of information about human behavior from these forums. If you check my profile, you will see that it clearly states that I am taken, happily engaged, etc. Not everyone who has a profile on here is some undateable loser, and I had plenty of dates with some really wonderful men before I met my fiance. I had my share of losers, we all make mistakes in judgement, and I had to learn how to spot the 'red flags' like everyone else. But I assure you that I met some wonderful men through this site, and had three who were long-term relationships since I joined in 2003. I have changed my name and tweaked my profile as time went on, but never deleted it. I have hidden it.

The thing that was one of the best indicators of an intelligent man? Good grammar, spelling and the ability to carry on a conversation by email, then im, and then telephone. They didn't want to wait 6 months before meeting, they were looking to meet within a reasonable amount of time, and follow YOUR rules. Oh, and advise to the women, if you carry yourself like a lady, you'll be treated like one!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Am I a fool for this guy?
Posted: 8/22/2011 12:04:14 AM
Dear Love,

You knew what kind of man he was when you met him. I often tell patients 'You can tell a person's future behavior by looking at their past.' He has a history of chasing other women, either texting, emailing or by im, and cannot be trusted. You don't need a break, you need to break-up. Sorry you wasted so long on this man, but at least you have come to some sort of realization that the relationship you thought you had was nothing more than a fairytale.

Go on with your life, let him go on with his, and do not have any further contact with him. The third one is going to be the hardest, mark my words. If I know women in your situation, you'll probably give it one last shot in the hopes of 'fixing' him so all that time you spent together won't be a complete waste, and who knows, maybe you'll be stupid enough to get a ring on your finger and be absolutely miserable knowing your husband has a habit of talking to other women, just as he always did and nothing has changed.

Anyone care to place a bet?
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 95 (view)
 
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:53:52 PM

Excuse yourself for a second you are taking this way to far miss rubywaxxx. First off you are attacking me... I work way to much and when I get a chance I wash my covers because I have a very furry cat who sheds every where. The photos you are oh so curious about were actually taken for a marine who I was seeing at the time to send over seas. You have no right nor do you have any insight into my life to say that I do not think about consequences of my actions. On top of that you dont have any in sight into the women who see married men or do you? Have you ever seen a married man my dear, if you haven't you have no place to say anything at all.


I don't have to have been a whore to recognize the uniform...just sayin'
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Rejection
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:49:53 PM
Yeah, I'd like to know how 'guys brush girls off', because I'm pretty sure I've only been 'brushed off' once, and he quickly came to his senses and came running back...just a little too late for my taste! Also, Men chase women until women catch them, you also got that one all screwed up too! Geez, who have you been listening to?

Look, Fadeaway, you're too young to be worried about longterm relationships, you're not going to get married for a long time. Also, your profile says you have your graduate degree, you do realize that means you have your Master's, not that you graduated with a Bachelor's degree, right? I'm highly skeptical of a 21 year old with a Graduate degree, you started at 16.

My daughter is 20, and if she were even considering a longterm relationship, I'd be having a heart attack! Your 20's are for learning, becoming secure in your career goals, figuring out who you are and where you want to go in life, and then you will fall in love when the time comes. Quit trying to force it and chillax!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Picture of another mans erect penis found on girlfriends phone.
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:33:46 PM
Eh, I've had people (men I had contact with for business purposes only) get a little too friendly in the past and in some drunken stupor send me inappropriate pictures. Yes, I've even had penis-in-hand pictures sent to my email, my phone, and my work email! The thing is, however, that I erased all of them immediately and chastized the men for sending them! I have always made my relationship status very clear with everyone, male or female, so there could be no miscommunication or misunderstanding. I met my fiance on this site, and now that I am getting my PhD in Psychology I continue to use this site as a research facility for some of my classes. If you notice on my profile, my status is made very clear.

The fact that this woman kept the guy's picture is very telling, and the OP's decision to end the relationship is the one I would have recommended. I've sent my fiance pictures of myself a bit exposed, but nothing too racy, I don't think he would think very highly of me if I sent nude pics to him and I can't imagine him sending anything like that to me. I'll just keep on seeing the real thing!

I hope the OP moves on to a better relationship and finds someone trustworthy to love.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 493 (view)
 
Women...would you pay for sex with a man?
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:19:54 PM
Sorry, but I might have to pay for it one day when I'm old and ugly, or too lazy to actually go out to even a grocery store, but right now all I have to do is log on to Face Book and I'm getting offers from old boyfriends, my daughter's classmates, newly divorced neighbors, and even the delivery guys! So, for me the idea of putting out cold hard cash for what is literally being offered to me all the time is just ludicrous! It's all about supply and demand, and until the supply of men drops so low I have to pay for it, and I'm no longer in demand, I'll just stay faithful to my fiance and enjoy the fact that I am still attractive and sexy enough to catch other mens' eyes!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Low sex drive?
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:10:15 PM
As a therapist, I would ask that you seek grief counseling. You could go through your church or seek whichever therapist your insurance provides, but you are still grieving over your loss, and I am so sorry. You have to understand you not only lost a friend, but a lover and your spouse. This is not something you are going to get over quickly, and it is very different than just having a regular break-up. You need some help to get through this, and I advise you seek talk therapy.

Please avoid any type of chemical assistance, like antidepressants, as they will only lower your sex drive and make your interest in any type of sexual relationship more difficult. I am a firm believer in working through these types of problems with talk therapy, and chemical therapy should only be used for clinical depression, or other chemical imbalances and always in conjunction with talk therapy.

You can get through this, just give yourself some time and be patient with yourself. This is one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life, and it is to be taken seriously and your wounds need time to heal.

Good luck and God Bless.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Clip on Earrings? Not a good Idea
Posted: 6/28/2011 5:08:10 AM
Hate to break it to you, but if you keep getting called 'cute' it means you're either fat, ugly or basically undo-able. No one does the 'cute' guy...we do the hot guys, the good guys, the handsome guys, but the cute guys are either our gay friends or our chubby ones.

If you are even considering wearing a clip on earring, you just might be gay...I have many friends who do drag that wear clip-ons and they are flamingly gay. But it doesn't matter, anyway, because if you're listening to Pantera, fantasizing about clip on earrings, your sexual preference doesn't really matter, no one is going to do you.

But good luck! Ebay always has some really cool antique clip-ons from the 'I Love Lucky' era...awesome look with the metal tshirts!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Orientation, terminology or something else entirely??? (Oy!!)
Posted: 6/28/2011 3:57:46 AM
[Black people are Black People...not 'African-Americans'..!
Make note of the reaction when you ask the next black person who _Insists_ on 'African -American'...:
"Really?? When did you emmigrate..??"]

OMG, really? learn your terminology...immigrate means to ENTER the country, such as one who would term themselves an African-American or Mexican-American who LIVES here in the US would be. To EMMIGRATE is the reverse...it means to return to the land of their origin.

As for labeling people's sexual orientation, this seems to have become fashionable in the last couple of decades. People seem to think it makes them 'cool' if they have a unique label, so they find one and put it right across their chest on t-shirts or on the back of their cars as bumper stickers. The truth of the matter is that you are what you are, and if you don't know or understand someone's sexual preference, you can either ask them or not worry about it, because obviously it's not for you.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How soon do you know when to say I Love You!..??
Posted: 6/28/2011 3:37:47 AM
Why are people so afraid to say 'I love you'? I say it to my friends, my family, I make sure it's the last thing I say on the phone to people I love, so God-forbid something happens, it's the last words they heard me say!

If you say you love someone, you should say it with abandon and happiness. I told my fiance I loved him early in our relationship because it was true, I put my hand over his mouth and told him he didn't have to say anything in return, that when he felt like saying it, he could. Pretty soon, he was saying it...on his own, and now all these years later, we say it all the time, and every time on the phone it's the last thing we say to one another.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Unable to deal with affection
Posted: 6/28/2011 3:27:52 AM
May I suggest therapy? I am working on my PhD in Psychology, and there can be many reasons for this reaction. I don't think a message board on a dating site is the best place to discuss all of them, but a good therapist can help you work through your problems.
Best of luck!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Something smells fishy
Posted: 2/23/2010 2:11:02 AM
Red Flags.

Become familiar with this term. When you see them, then you need to know that this person is not right for you, for whatever reason, be it lying, or not being a good person, or a right match for you. This is the internet, so you have to use a lot of instinct, much higher levels of reading comprehension, listening skills and your HEAD when deciding to share personal information or becoming remotely involved with anyone.

You have seen enough red flags with this man to know that he is a loser. Walk away, now, before you are just another one on this board complaining about a failed relationship.
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
what makes you feel sexy?
Posted: 1/15/2010 10:46:42 AM
after sex...or during...having a man bite me lightly on the bottom of my butt and then lightly lick up my spine to my neck.

Yeah, that makes me feel like a goddess.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Whats the best idea for a date ?
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:24:49 AM
I wear heels and dresses, so if you take me anywhere, make sure I'm not going to be doing any hiking, or walking through grass, or anything that is going to ruin my shoes unless you give me fair warning so I can dress appropriately. Dinner is great, as is a good show, like live music or a comedy club or a concert. But if we've been getting along well on the phone, and have a great connection, just grab a good bottle of wine, a couple glasses, and some fruit, cheese and bread or crackers and let's go find a cozy spot to go trade secrets! That makes for a really nice evening!

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
HELP! Is my bf cheating/hiding something from me?
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:46:21 AM
Methinks you like creating drama....you really need to do some growing up if you are going to date and have a serious relationship with a man. And for heaven's sake, stay off of facebook...peope on there LIVE to stir up shit!

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 56 (view)
 
women and cosmetics
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:29:09 AM

Tammy Faye was an ugly douche bag who stole tens of millions from poor people who trusted her

acuddler,
I knew Tammy Faye, met her personally and heard her minister after she got rid of that charlatan of a husband, and she was not only one of the most spiritually beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life, but she was gracious and humble, loved everyone, and was kind to all she met. She died of cancer, beloved by many people all over this country. She never took a dime from anyone, that was her ex-husband and his band of miscrants and crooks. She was found to be blameless.

Please do not speak ill of the dead. She wore a lot of makeup, yes, and a lot of people made fun of her for it, but if you knew her, you would have seen her for what she really was, one of the most loving, giving women who ever walked this earth. I am grateful I got to meet her.

Now, as to the question at hand. If your only problem is that your wife or girlfriend wears more makeup than you like, you need to take up golf. You have no problems. Keep your mouth shut. Be happy that someone loves you.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
A weekend romp with her half-sister! TO tell or NOT to tell?
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:17:43 AM
NO NO NO!!!!!!!
Tell him to keep his frikken mouth shut!!!!!! The past is in the past, all telling about the romp is going to do is brand the sister a whore and break the trust between the sisters, and he is going to never be trusted by his fiance again.

This is one time that I say keep that secret buried for the rest of your life deep down in the pits of your soul and never evr tell anyone what happened. If it ever gets brought up that anything happened, lie through your teeth, swear it never happened, and if necessary tell the bride that you don't even find her sister remotely attractive and everyone is just messing with her head and if the sister is the one saying it, tell the bride that the sister is just starting shit.

But if he admits it, he will be ruined for life!!!!!!!!! Do not ever let her know what happened...she will never be able to get over it!!!

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
who does he really want..?
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:10:43 AM
Tigerbella,
You made some really foolish mistakes from the get-go with this man, and are continuing the pattern. First off, you moved after just three months to be with him...bad decision. You should have waited much longer before making such a big decision.
Then you got 'cold-feet' because you probably realized that you made a mistake, and instead of using your head and breaking off the relationship and moving on, you kept on with the half-assed relatinship, thereby keeping yourself from finding a healthy and normal relationship with an available and loving man who would make you a priority in his life and you could truly love. You chose to be in this dysfunctional relationship, rather than making the mature decision to move on with your life and find a good man.

He found someone else. Face the facts, he has a girlfriend who also has a child, which means he has assumed the responsibilities of a father. Time to leave him alone. Stop talking to him, quit being his emotional crutch, quit playing the fool. You are not number one in his life, she is. He is with her, and obviously that is where he wants to be, or he would be with you.

This may not be what you want to hear, but it's the facts. Women like you just destroy relationships for other women. You cling to fairy tales and distract men from the relationships they already have at home. Would you want your man's ex talking to him, and tempting him constantly to leave you and perhaps ruin what could be between the two of you? I don't think so.

Follow the rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Delete his number and contact information. Don't answer his calls. Move on with your life and be a healthy mature woman in your own right. Find a man who won't be wishy-washy in his love for you. Have some respect for yourself and the woman he is with now. You both deserve it.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 65 (view)
 
What is wrong with me or is it him [ladys help]
Posted: 1/4/2010 2:13:01 AM
No. You have it all wrong. You are not the only one who attracts this type of man. We all do. The difference is, you choose to accept this behavior and become involved with them, allowing them to play upon your sympanthies, abuse you, take your self-esteem, your money, you life. You feel the need to become the female 'white knight', their savior, the woman who magically fixes all their problems and brings them into a life of goodness and worth.

You refuse to see red flags and turn away. You see them as challenges that need to be met and defeated. Time to change your line of thinking, and have some sense about things.

When you meet a new man, and you start seeing those same old signs, end it immediately. No further thought about it. Just say, sorry, this isn't working out for me, and end contact. Then you save yourself the drama.

Other women do it all the time, now it's time you learned to do it to. Be selective and realize your own value. You are not a crutch, and you certainly don't need to get into another bad relationship. Live and learn, my dear.

Good luck, I wish you well.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:21:54 AM

What cruel and enlightening people you all are. Truth is, I'm afraid to feel anything, but at the same time I desperately want to. I scream inside, when I see the joy two people bring each other, just by their presence, I weep inside knowing I should have felt that way, but I can't bring myself to face it.
I know love for my children, I know love for my mother( the only one left ) I know love for my brother, I gave him part of me and saved his life. I know the love of my dearest friends, who watch out for me, and lift me up when I am down, but,..I remember the way ONE made me feel before she was taken from this place, and it tore my soul in two.
Most are right, I thought I was ready, but perhaps I am not. I confess I never had the support to help me through what happened so long ago, before I married, and wasted her time, though it was not wasted time to be sure, but I only wanted to know if anyone else ever felt that way. I never said I always feel that way, you assumed it.


Awwww, now the story changes, and his tone goes all mushy.....boo-frikken-hooo.

You're a troll. You really do need counseling.
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Does this drive all men nuts?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:15:12 AM

sorry does the OP want the sun moon and stars, which is better the guy that shows her love and affection or the guy who wings it and talks bs???? just leave off the guy and learn to accept him for who he is and stop trying to change him. Does he give you crap about not doing this or that or wearing something??? no probably not. Lay off the romantic novels and come back to the real world where everyone is not perfect. Give the guy a break and learn to love what is good about him. How hard was it to find him in the first place?

Ok have a great new year and maybe he'll propose on the 14th


LOL, you didn't read a word I wrote, did you? And no one said I was particularly interested in getting married, either. Perhaps you should go back and read what was actually written by ME at the END of the thread, then you may email me your address...I'll send you the money to buy a clue.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How do you end a friendship?
Posted: 12/27/2009 11:51:57 PM
I have two true blue friends, women that I can trust with anything and everything that happens in my life. One even has all my passwords so she can wipe out accounts, memberships to forums, keys to the lock box, she has everything so in case I croak there will be nothing that could potentially tarnish my name or be misconstrued. She also has a copy of my will. I have hers as well, and all of her information. We have been friends since kindergarten and have lived above one another, beside one another and have a couple of times lived together! LOL, we had our children 4 months apart and raised them together. The other woman is just as close and trustworthy.

I have had to end what I thought were friendships three times in my life. Not acquaintances, but women I thought were friends. One woman began using drugs and stole a large amount of money from me. The second was mentally unstable, I realised after about a year, and was mistreating her child. She was a single parent, and refused to get help medically for her mental condition, and her treatment of her son forced me to step in and call Child Protective Services. He is with his grandparents now, thank God, and she has decided to be a stripper. I cut off all contact with her after her son was removed...she was toxic.

The last one was very difficult. Her boyfriend came on to me when I went to pick up her 7 year old son for her. She was going out of town and I was taking him out to eat, to a movie, and he was staying with me for the weekend. When I arrived at her house, her boyfriend was supposed to be at work, and I was to get her son off of the bus. Her boyfriend got off of work early, and was at the house. He made the offer to come and spend the weekend with me along with the boy, and then proceeded to tell me what I would be in store for. I got out of there as fast as I could without alarming the child.

Now, what to do? Do I tell my friend what happened, or keep my mouth shut? I know that there will be plenty on here who will say I did the wrong thing, but I did what I would have wanted a friend to do for me, had the situation been reversed. I told her the truth, I told her through tears, but they had had issues with his behavior before, and I thought she deserved to know how he was when her back was turned.

Stupid me thought that logic and reason would win out over financial security. She believed me, confronted him, he admitted to what happened, but then told her that I had 'egged him on'. She knew it was total bullshit, I had never done anything to remotely suggest that his attentions would be well-recieved, but she decided that somehow it was my fault.

I ended contact then and there. If you don't trust me, and you think that I am the kind of woman who would ever come on to someone's husband or boyfriend, then you don't know me at all, and you definitely are not my friend. She called me a couple of times, wanting to sell me some Xango crap, and another time to see if I still wanted to get her to do my hair (she was a horrible hairdresser, but I let her trim it a couple of times with very bad results). I didn't return her calls. I want no association with her.

Sometimes you just have to 'trim the fat' as they say.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 182 (view)
 
Does this drive all men nuts?
Posted: 12/27/2009 11:17:36 PM

I think she stopped it. In fact I think they broke up. Happy fishing goodwitch


I am a regular poster on the forums here, and purely out of boredom I hit the 'My Forums' key and was amazed at how long this thread ran. I read it, from the beginning right through to the last post, and I am shocked at how the thread twisted and turned. I got some really 'on the money' advice, I got a story that made me cry, and I got a lot of truly hateful posts. No, I haven't broken up with my boyfriend, he is right here sleeping quite nicely after taking my 89 year old grandmother, my daughter and me out to a lovely dinner (then watching the Redskins take a beating from the Cowboys while wearing the Riggins jersey I got him as one of his Christmas presents). I still get lovey, I still am mushy from time to time, and I don't expect anything in return. I know he loves me...he shows it by taking me to the hospital the morning of Christmas Eve, 3am, even though he had been up since 6am the previous day, and he waited until I was admitted and ok before coming to my place to get some sleep. Then he showed me by spending every available moment of the holiday with me in the hospital, until I made him go on to his family dinner...he was going to skip it so I wouldn't be alone, but I told him to go on and see his family and enjoy the holiday for BOTH of us.

Then when I was released and we went home to open gifts, the thoughtfulness that he had put into all the different things he got me just brought tears to my eyes. Especially the brand new Daschund puppy, which I had been talking about for months and debated getting. I thought I had him beat on the gift-giving for Christmas, I mean hey, I am a die hard shop-a-holic! But he astounded me with all the different things he had chosen, every one thoughtful and really meaningful! I will not list them, that would be bragging, but I must say, I have never had anyone spoil me like this! And every gift had a story, special meaning, and he told me how and why he chose it. Oh Hell, the man had the balls to go into a department store and buy the frikken Lancome Christmas gift set!!!(Ok, I know I wasn't going to mention what I got, but that one got me!) How many men out there know what brand of makeup their girlfriends or wives prefer, and then will go out and get the gift set? Oh, and he didn't wait until last minute either, he told me he had to special order it at Nordstrom's because they ran out, in early November! It's not just the gift, it's the effort!!!

I appreciate him. I don't want to change him. I never did. I was just looking to make things better, that's why I started the thread, no matter what some may think. I don't have to fish for compliments, all I have to do is look on my finger and I know he loves me. (Not engaged...don't want to give the wrong impression, just another Christmas suprise).
And I truly am on here for the forums...my profile is hidden. May everyone have a Happy New Year!!!

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Pushing the limits of friendship.
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:35:59 AM
Well, your last few posts have made it quite clear why this girl wants nothing to do with you. You are clueless, and you have no manners, despite what you think. A real man would have either GIVEN HER THE SOFA TO SLEEP ON OR INSISTED THAT SHE BE ESCORTED HOME!!!!! If you are too dense to understand this, then you need more help than any online forum can provide.

Just glad there weren't any rapists, criminals, muggers or whatever out there just waiting for a drunk girl to stumble their way, because you were such an idiot that you let her walk home by herself in the middle of the night. You, Sir, really need a kick in the butt for your behavior, and be glad if she ever speaks to you again.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Where is the love?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:05:45 AM

It has never happened that way for me. I know fast when I can love someone and it stays that way for over a year always. Not once has that interest not lasted.
Of course I don't fall in love often.
The men I fall for don't lose interest in me after a couple of months either.


HMMMMMMMM.....interesting. Men never fall out of love with you...you must be the model of perfection.

With all of these men still in love with you, I can't help but wonder.....why are you bothering with a dating site?

I love when people use the forums for self-promotion.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:00:25 AM
Man, you have some serious problems. I don't think you like yourself or anyone else...you really need to get into counseling. Your anger and self-loathing just bleeds from every post. Please do not even attempt date until you get some help. No woman deserves to be subjected to all that evil.
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Have you ever settled and later had regrets?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:54:21 AM
I'm curious...just when did you realize that you had 'settled'? Was it when you bought the house, had the children, set up your retirement accounts, made your wills?

You do realize that you are probably hitting menopause, hormonal, and dissatisfied with everything due to the chemical changes in your body? Your husband has been with you for 30 years, obviously he hasn't been abusive or you would have stated that in your original post, so what? You're bored? Looking for a new lover to spice up your life and make you feel young and fresh again?

I suggest you get your head out of your butt, go to the doctor and see about getting some treatment for estrogen imbalance, and appreciate the life you have. If you're looking for some excitement, how about taking a trip to Paris, or going on a major shopping spree, or redecorating the house? If you need some sexual excitement, hit one of the websites and buy some toys...hell, let your husband help, he probably is as bored as you are. Buy some extremely naughty lingerie and do the dishes in it. Get creative in the life you have, don't be stupid and throw away 30 years because you want to chase some fairy tale.

My parents have been married 42 years and my mother wears sexy nighties every night, and my Dad chases her like he's 17. She practically has to beat him off with a stick, and that's the way they both like it!!! Try working a little feminine magic on your husband and maybe you won't be so bored.

Leave him for the single life, you're gonna find out what boredom really is...along with lonliness, crappy guys who act like buying you dinner is something amazing that should get them sex on the first date, guys who will work their way into your bed, only to surprise you with STDs, hairy backs and stinky balls that hang to their knees. There will be no one to remember your birthday, or talk to when you come home in the evenings, or to share a home cooked meal with. If that is what you're willing to trade your life for, by all means go ahead. But if you do, you are a huge fool.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Where is the love?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:19:21 AM
The 'honeymoon period' is the easiest part. It can last a week, a month, up to a couple of years. This is the time when everything your partner does is cute or sweet, and you don't mind a burp or an occasional fart. You laugh at all the jokes, even the third or fourth time you've heard them, and you listen to how he and his childhood buddy set something on fire and got in trouble for it.

Then you get to the part where you start talking about opinions, debating things like politics, religion, child raising, family relationships.....all the really serious stuff. Then you figure out if he is an ahole with nothing on his mind but beer, sex and football, or if he actually has a brain, emotions, and intelligent thoughts. He may have different opinions and views, but the important thing is if he is able to express his opinions calmly and accept and respect yours as being just as valid as his. If you can discuss things with one another, it makes for a good match. You don't have to agree on everything, for example my boyfriend is pretty conservative, while I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal (makes for awesome discussions). But we talk about these different issues and enjoy one another's conversations. I respect his mind and he respects mine. (We have a joke, though, that I'm always right! LOL) But he knows I take him seriously, and that means a lot.

You have to have personalities that match well, and you have to cater to one another's needs and desires. You should learn what you like in the bedroom and openly do whatever it is that turns your man on, and he should do that for you. When you go out for entertainment, you should also cater to one another....ok, if you're into musical theatre and he's not, he should at least be willing to be cool with you going with a girlfriend to a show whenever you like, and if he's into going to cage matches and they just turn your stomach, let him go with his buddies. You should also have enough respect and trust to not be jealous, but don't do things to MAKE your partner feel jealous or like they can't trust you. Don't go hanging at the clubs with your single friends until 2am, that goes for both of you...when you go out with your friends, you can go have drinks with them, but the rule is...when it gets dark, you go home! And if you go to clubs together, have respect for one another, don't oggle the available flesh. Your partner should be the one you're interested in, not someone standing at the bar.

And ladies, learn to give great head. Don't slack off on that. Many a man has turned down some strange because he knew what he had at home was way better than anything he could pick up at random. Be his fantasy, because what you won't do, some skank out there willingly will.

Oh, and guys, same goes for you. If you're taking care of business at home, there is no reason for a woman to look for another playmate. And that means taking care of ALL her needs. If you don't know what all her desires and fantasies are, get to asking, because if you can't handle it, out there somewhere is a man more than willing to do the job.

OK, off of my soapbox for now. Peace and Merry Christmas to all!
Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Pushing the limits of friendship.
Posted: 12/27/2009 4:36:31 AM
I'm going to make this short and sweet. You are in the friend zone. You all went out to have a good time and she decided to test her powers of 'womanhood' on you. You fell for it, hook, line and sinker. She diddled your dinky to check it out, and unfortunately for you, wasn't interested. Sorry, but that's what happened. Then she decided that after she turned you on, it would be better for her to WALK HOME ALONE IN THE DARK rather than stay and snuggle for the night. This is not a good sign.

Your best bet is to forget this whole relationship. Personally, me to you...you need your ass kicked for letting a girl who had been drinking walk home alone in the middle of the night, and I don't give a shit if it was just ten feet to her door! That showed very poor manners and ungentlemanly conduct on your part. You really need some lessons on how to treat women.

You better write this one off completely. You made some mistakes, and she is not interested in you sexually at all. Find someone else who is, and learn some manners and use them with the next girl you go out with.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 4:11:36 AM
That's not anger, honey, it's just jealousy because you want what they have. When you find that special someone that makes you want to throw your arms around them and kiss them passionately, you have to truly let go and give your heart completely and trust that the person you are embracing is doing the same. And yes, you'll want to buy her presents, but she's going to want to do the same for you!

My boyfriend and I have this kind of relationship. He really does spoil me unmercifully, LOL, honestly, I have had generous boyfriends before, and dated wealthy men before, but he beats all I have ever seen! My Christmas this year was unbelievable...I could list all the things he bought me, but I swear no one would believe it.

But you know what? I had a fantastic time shopping for him, too! I just kept seeing things that I knew he would like, or that would make him laugh, or that he could use, and he ended up with a huge pile of presents too! Not because I was trying to 'buy' him, but because I just wanted to see him smile, or get excited when he saw each present I got him.

And this isn't just at Christmas...it goes on all year long. I'll be out somewhere and see something that reminds me of him, or has his favorite team's logo on it that he can display in his office, and I'll get it just to surprise him. He does the same for me. It is fun, and every thing that he has ever gotten me is precious to me.

Yes, we do the PDA thing, he always holds my hand, he has never let me open my own door, he and I exchange kisses at random times, but it's because we are happy!

I hope with all my heart that you find that special woman who does this for you, who makes you want to kiss her ear while in line at the movies, or wrap your arms around her waist while waiting for your table at a restaurant. Those things make you both feel good, but it takes you both opening your hearts and both giving and recieving love. It's scary, because it makes you vulnerable, but it is well worth a few heartbreaks when you finally find that perfect fit.

Good luck. Don't be afraid to keep trying...she's out there somewhere waiting for you.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Whats Wrong With Me?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:45:08 PM
Key word in your post...ACT.

The whole thing is that you are not relaxing. You are treating women like they are not part of the human race. Relax, quit trying so hard, and just figure out yourself first. Until you do that, you aren't ready to date someone else.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Was it me or her?
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:59:33 PM
Both. You for falling for all the typical bullshit...oh you're my perfect man, the best lover I ever had, let's get married and have kids, we are exactly the same on everything...our wants our dreams our goals, after just a short amount of time.

She is at fault for trying to push you into the 'instant relationship', and probably gave up on you after she didn't get a diamond after 6 months. You are outdoorsy and she loves opera now? What, did she all of a sudden discover Puccini? You didn't know her musical tastes ran that way? And she's been listening to how much music with you and never mentioned that she likes opera?

Now, would you have put on a tux, bought box seats and taken her to see and opera? Would you have felt comfortable with that? If not, she may just have done you a big favor.

My boyfriend has his Master's, is extremely intelligent, comes from a highly political family, but I seriously doubt I could drag him off to an opera in a tux. Yes, he loves the theatre and we go quite often, but musically he is a bit less refined, and I'm slowly bringing him into learning to love different types of music. But if I told him we were going to the opera tonight, and he was getting into a tux, he'd fight like a mule, without ever understanding what he was fighting against.

Consider too that she is 'bragging' about this guy taking her all these places to make you feel bad, to hurt your self-esteem. Do not continue contact with her. Cut it all off. She is just being mean to you, anyway.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Interested or not?
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:46:19 PM
They are not in a gym, he is not married, he is obviously making a fool out of himself and becoming an office joke.

I would suggest that he avoid this woman at all costs...unless he really likes her and then he should avoid her even harder, and if she makes any type of contact he should be rude and indifferent to here (think Dane Cook mean in that stupid movie), that will be his only hope in resurrecting his manhood and possibly getting her attention.

Currently, his balls are in her desk drawer.

Beth
 goodwitchbeth
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
girl trouble...
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:43:02 PM
She's not into you. Move on, find someone who IS interested in you, and don't give it another thought. She is a total waste of energy at this point. She doesn't matter. Spend your energy and time on finding someone who wants to go out with you, wants to spend time with you, and appreciates being with you.

People waste too much time on those who aren't interested in them. There's a shoe for every foot, but you have to try on a lot of shoes to find the perfect fit.

Beth
 
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