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 Author Thread: crushes/fantasy relationships...
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
crushes/fantasy relationships...
Posted: 7/22/2012 8:24:08 AM
too many times in my younger life after divorce. It is healthy because your mind is showing you what you want.

My problem is having a person from over 30 years ago that found me on fb and every few months she let's me know about her getting divorced and that she still loves me, and can't think of anyone else. She actually drove 400 miles once to see me. She scares me as she won't leave me alone. We were 19 and 17, and it only lasted 3 months. Sometimes this can be unhealthy when it borders on stalking.

As far as fantasy/admiration goes, again it is healthy as long as you don't can keep it below infatuation. That is when stalking starts. Then it gets weird.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/17/2012 7:42:03 PM
Organic, I hope you are hanging in there and driving forward
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
2012 Le Mans 24 Hour
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:47:12 PM
I was curious how well the car would do, and if it would wreck itself or break. Toyota took care of that question. Looks great from the rear, but is as weird as Mr. Gurney's alligator bike. Can't see it ever catching on.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 10:09:32 PM
It is not really an age difference, it is more of a what areas is the younger one more mature than their age, and the same goes for the older, what areas are they still clinging to youthwise or are just immature in that area. A couple of those thrown together, and that is how you find someone of a much different age. Most of the women I have dated of a younger or older age, and I am guilty of it also, are just trying to get an experience we may have missed out on at a certain age. But in the end, it all comes down to good sex and then the realization that close to 15 years does not do well for a long term relationship. I will not go back and repost what others have said, but there is a good grocery list here.

My experiences, and I'll spare the details, I was 17, she was 28. I was 28, she was 42. I was 36, she was 21.... All still friends of mine, we just realized it wasn't going to work. It was fun and all of us grew a little, learned a little, and enjoyed the experience without friends disapproving. The relationships that worked were with someone within 2-4 years.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
2012 Le Mans 24 Hour
Posted: 6/12/2012 10:15:57 PM
Any favorite teams or manufacturers for this weekend? I love watching the Astons, Ferrari 458's, and am curious how the Nissan Delta'thing' will do. Not really a big fan of any particular teams or drivers myself, just respect them all for doing what they do with their talent.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Formula 1
Posted: 6/12/2012 10:09:15 PM
ahhh, finally a forum subject I can really relate to. I miss F1 here in the states and am curious how it will go in Texas. Drove from Florida to Indy 2 times, had a blast. Any ALMS fans on here?
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile help!!!
Posted: 6/12/2012 10:00:57 PM
As I said in another post, I am not really someone to give advice for a profile, but here are a few simple points. Add a picture of a profile shot. One of you in your garden. What type of foods you like to cook with someone. Do you grow veggies or flowers? What are some favorite movies. You have a good base there, now expand it a little.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Advice needed
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:53:59 PM
I really am not one to be giving advice on a profile, (if you view mine you'll understand) but I would be interested in seeing some photos because you said you do landscape shots and mention hiking. Mention a few of the cooler places you have been and rotate some pics of these places every week or so. Mention something crazy/real exciting you did one time, sort of like adding a little tabasco to the mix of your profile.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Whats the silliest thing you fought over when you split?
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:23:20 PM
Wanting to get away from her so bad, I left with my clothes and a few personal items. It was worth it because I was not going to cut a couch, TV or anything else in half, or play 'toy trading games' with her. Less for me to worry about moving. Realizing I left a couple of things, contact was made and I found out she had torn up all the old photos from my life. Photos of school friends, family, girlfriends from years before, travel pics, she even stomped on and ruined my Army officer's commission... it is the only time I have been mad enough at a woman to call her the C word, and to her face. That is the price I paid for getting out of an abusive relationship and it was worth it. I guess the new 88 Honda Civic was what I did argue over, which didn't work, and still had to make a few more payments on it after leaving to save my credit.. laughing at it all now
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
not a cellphone a deal breaker?
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:49:23 PM
it was a lot easier, and I told my son that one day, if someone doesn't answer in 10 rings, they either aren't there or don't want to talk. And there was no caller ID. I remember moving to the south in 1970, lived just outside the city limits and we had a party line. My grandmother paid a couple hundred to Ma Bell to run a couple miles of line, and she was then called "the rich New Yorker" who wanted her privacy.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
not a cellphone a deal breaker?
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:27:57 PM
just a few comments about cell phones. I am 50, and for years an answering machine/land line was great. Got a cell phone finally in 1997. It was cool, and I still use one plenty. 3 things about them have come up in conversation recently.

first, a friend asked me what the one thing that is wrong with cell phones. I answered correctly. No privacy.

second, I have had people call, then call again, and then text and get mad that I am not answering. My response? I do not have it attached to my head. I may be outside doing some yard work and don't want it getting dirty, I may have left it in my car. leave a voicemail, that is what it is for.

third, before cell phones, we relied on landlines and answering machines. When we talked to someone at work for example, said we were going to meet at a certain time for a beer, we did it. responsibility and dependability.

Cell phones seem to take over some people's lives. Amazing how they alter our schedules. Change our lives enough that you really can't sit down for a 'breather' at the end of the day and decompress without it ringing. Nothing worse than talking with someone and they keep getting texts and responding. And the only thing they say in the conversation is "I'm listening".
Do they still make pagers? As for someone that doesn't have a cell phone, if you meet one, I am sure you will figure out how to communicate. Their work phone, their home phone machine, and email.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Do You Google?
Posted: 6/11/2012 5:16:36 PM
I would not google someone I met on here., but it sounds like your guy has something to hide.

I am moving soon, and have been emailing (offsite) a woman I met on here. I know her name, like her enough and she has given me no reason to 'check her out'. IIt would make me feel like a creep when meeting her face to face the first time.
The only time I do google someone is when I have to make a sales call, and I can do a little recon on the person. Find something to make a connection with them, it may help get a contract signed. Or if I put something for sale on craigslist and their email questioning me sounds a little odd.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/11/2012 4:24:59 PM
You are worried about self esteem? As one guy told you, go up to 25 women and maybe you can get one date. Good chance, I have seen it happen. But you shot yourself in the foot within the first page of this thread. Here is what you said, and now you will have to ask 200 women and then get a date-

"Desperate for sex ? No man should be.. Prostitutes and call girls are every where LOL ..And its much much less trouble trust me ..And many help build ones confidence !"

As I read in another thread, a few women told a guy to put on a shirt and lose the drinking pictures, nobody wants to go out with someone that has a drinking problem. I would be curious to know what the women think about a guy that seems to have a lot of experience with prostitutes, or that is the image you have portrayed.
Just going by what I read.
reminds me of being introduced to a woman at a party, we got along, started telling dirty jokes, and the subject of venereal warts came up. Her comment was "I've had them a few times, no big deal". I found someone else to talk to.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Can you figure this one out?
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:51:05 PM
I am curious if she saw her ex having a blast with a good looking woman.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
whats with walks on the beach
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:46:30 PM
if you notice, a lot of them don't list much or describe themselves much. It sounds good to them, something many enjoy though. I like to walk on the beach, but if I listed it I would state "venturing down the beach searching for things that have washed up" or "walking, talking, enjoying the waves"
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Confused
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:37:08 PM
One word, and it is something that will get you every time if you don't keep control of it-like a pet that loves to run out the door but doesn't have the sense to be outside- Expectations. they will screw your brain/heart up every time.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 130 (view)
 
can a woman get spoiled by a BIG penis???
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:05:49 PM
had to share this- a female friend went into a local plumbing company and saw a photo in an office of a guy running down a road naked. she left her number and told them to have him call her, as she "has a big cat that needs to play with a big dog" The employees stood there speechless.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:38:46 AM
You are welcome, organic one... a few years ago I was told that I can give great advice, yet realized I don't take my own. I bought a printer when I got tired of writing it out. Now I review and get reality checks from myself. Thanks for your words. I'll be back, don't forget to tip your barista! (just playing)
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How our experiences change our attitudes on dating
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:52:04 AM
my answer to your question of experience- in my 20s I married a control freak. In my 40s I lived with someone about the same length of time I was married, and she wanted to be controlled and told what she wanted. Both were wonderful women, and all 3 of us had growing to do. At this point, I am looking for someone in the middle, and know it can happen.
At this point/age, we have changed our expectations and plans - we are not going to have kids, we don't have the "your whole life ahead of us" attitude. Yes, we can adopt, go back to college, etc., but our plans are different-it is Fall in our lives, we clothe our lives differently. We are preparing for winter, not getting ready for the summer of life. That doesn't mean we can't have fun like teenagers!

My answer-I hope to find someone that is comfortable with themselves, don't have too many or big expectations, and has moved past the confusion of younger life emotions and some of the "uglies" that occurred then.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:32:27 AM
"My question................has there been a substantial "happening" in your life that, while exciting and fun, also drove home the fact that you're on your own?"

On your own. Most people do not like the concept of being on their own. I have "been on my own" since I was 14. At first it was tough, but as time went on, I learned 2 things- basically we are all on our own anyway because you are the only one that can live your life, and that you are never really on your own if you are an honest friend to yourself and have some form of faith. Yes, you can be your own best friend without being egotistical about it.
There is a huge set of life events that we are all dealt many of. A majority of people are dealt the usual- born, grow up with friends and family, meet a mate or two, possibly have a child or two, divorce or grow old together, lose friends and/or family (death and fading as friends), and more. All the rest is what you serve yourself or what you get served. How you play them is your choice. At any moment of your life, you become aware of your place, or position at the moment. Sometimes positive, sometimes negative. How you deal with it determines your mental and emotional state.

As for your question and the buildup to it- congratulations on the new house, and the excitement it is providing. Your sadness is not really sadness. It is just the part of your mind that is confusing/blending memory and emotion, and a little expectation thrown in. I will assume you have owned a house with someone else. Knowing you will be living in this home for at least a little while alone, your mind is not totally satisfied because it has been conditioned and "believes" some things are missing. When you get the feeling of sadness, remind yourself of your situation- you have just purchased a house (big accomplishment), you will have a lot to keep you busy and occupied, and it will give you time to become a friend of yourself if you haven't already. What I mean is take a little time and take a look at yourself, and how different you are from 5 or 10 years ago. There are new versions of you coming through, get to know them. There is nothing to be sad about! Nothing to be lonely about! it is just a new phase in your life, one of the events you were given. Be open to your new position and serve yourself well. Everything else will fall into place depending on which of your cards that you have been dealt you play next or gets played. It's all your choice. Again, congratulations on your own home.
sorry for being longwinded, must have been cup of coffee #3
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 50 (view)
 
If a person initiates contact with you on POF, do you expect for them to have read your profile?
Posted: 5/30/2012 12:14:32 PM
Thinking that the "look at picture and email" is about like going to a bar and hitting on someone for a one-nighter. No need for info, let's just do it attitude. As someone else stated on here, I always read the profile before responding to an email. Good to do so I can have a decent response. I wrote a long profile, said plenty of crazy stuff, and have gotten a lot of emails just about my profile, and that was before I put up photos. Within hours of posting photos, I received 15 emails, and could quickly tell that the only reason a few contacted me was because one photo has me in a suit next to a beautiful BMW Z-4. Had they spent a few seconds reading even the photo description, they would have realized it wasn't mine. It was all about image.. The others had obviously read my long profile, and gave me many compliments, and I was glad to respond, because they replied to some of my statements and asked a few questions. Only been back on here for a week, but it is easy to re-learn who not to waste time responding to. I am moving to a new area and by reading profiles, I am learning what there is to do in that area when I get there. Recon is a good thing.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:08:31 PM
I married my ex because I was in love. 6 years later I divorced her because she was physically abusive. She told me after the divorce that 'maybe one day we will be different and can get along, like when we are 50". So, right before we turned 50 our son asked me to come over and we were going to dinner because his birthday was the day after mine. He said his mother was in town and she was going too. Well, I hadn't seen her in 15 years, she was remarried to a "yes ma'm" guy who was a bit jealous of anyone. I walk in my son's house, and she jumps up and hugs me, and is wearing very short shorts, and a Hendrix shirt. (I'm a big fan) She then said happy birthday and gave me a framed photo of me, her and our son on top of the world trade center in the 80s. And a box of homemade cookies. She wouldn't leave me alone. If her husband had seen the way she dressed and knew I went to dinner with them, he would have flipped. I went because my son asked me to. He said she had gotten a couple of years of counseling and was a different person.As we left the restaurant and I got in my car, I remembered her saying her saying "maybe one day..." and realized we were turning 50. She had a b-day a week later. This is a woman that stalked me for 2 years until I got a restraining order... the hair on my neck still stands up when I think about it. My point- I married her because I loved her, she will always be in my mind, not on my mind, because we were married. If she ever got divorced I would hide from her, but if she was on her death bed I would go see her as she was a big part of my life when we were young.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Your favorite Date mishaps
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:11:26 PM
went to pick up a girl I had been out with once before. I came sneaking up behind her as she sat on a 3' brick wall. I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back to scare her. It did scare her, it made her fart pretty loud. 30 years later, maybe it was a good thing - she didn't have to worry about holding all that in through the night!
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 165 (view)
 
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:31:55 PM
51 years old now, no children.
Married at 22 to a woman who became abusive, she had a son already, and we got divorced. He is like my brother now, we both dealt with her abuse.
Dated a few women, next thing I know I am in my late 30s and lived with someone for 5 years, she had a medical condition that prevented pregnancy. We broke up for other reasons.
Then I dated a woman for 4 years that was older and had already had 4 kids 20+ years before.
3 girlfriends in between these others that said birth control was covered, got pregnant, had abortions and then told me. Said we weren't ready... thanks.... no asking how I feel..
So here I am. If I won the lottery to have the money to provide properly, and another lucky strike and meet a 35 year old that wants me to father her children, well, I'd do it.. but the chances are slim to null.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 185 (view)
 
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:11:41 AM
I don't have a photo on my profile yet. I am moving soon and will post one. I have all info posted, where I am moving to and explained I would be staying with a friend until I get my bearings and am settled in my new job. I recieved an email from a woman, she seemed nice. Then I asume she went back and viewed my profile again. It took another email from her to say, "there's trailer trash in that town" and I never heard from her again, I hope she enjoys her snobby attitude living in her gated community. Maybe that's why she is single, haha. There are rich people and "trailer trash" (whatever her assumption of that type is) in every town.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Dr Phil's test....
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:17:14 PM
comfortable with a 44
 
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