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 Author Thread: Help me, dammit!
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Help me, dammit!
Posted: 10/10/2015 10:10:08 PM
I don't think anyone should rule out slow people. Well I don't. Maybe because I'm one of them. I'm not always compos mentis but when I am... I'm not.

good luck. I'm gonna need it.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 10/10/2015 9:57:25 PM
I will never lower my standards because my standards are pretty f-ing broad so there is much to choose from.

Only people with limited standards who aren't getting what they want will lower their standards. Sucks to be you (generally speaking).
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Where are all the Aging Stoners?
Posted: 10/10/2015 9:47:23 PM
All the drugheads are under 40, where are the serious and aging stoners? Did they trade it all for a suit and tie and corporate conformity?

(and POF says this message is too short so here's some additional fodder)

I saw one profile of of a 52 year old that didn't say much beyond being a hedonist in pursuit of of sex, drugs, and a good time. I can't say I'm looking for anything deeper than that, just broader. Tommy Chong is the epitome of the ultimate stoner and I am a 'fan,' but I'm also a fan because he seems like more than just a stoner. I like hippies. They seem liberal, open-minded, anti-racist, social activist, laid back, and cool.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 10/10/2015 8:46:45 PM

this is a whole other discussion. The things that the black community struggles with are not often known or understood outside of it such as being "hood", "trying to be white," skin tone etc.


Yes, I was thinking about that as I wrote it. But nonetheless, people have heard of the words/phrases before and it will strike a negative connotation. It's interesting that a thing, person, place that we know so little to nothing about will STILL have a negative connotation in our mind regardless, often deriving from the bias media. I'm given to the same negative connotation about many things that I know little to nothing about, but it's not set in stone. I usually keep an open mind and give benefit of the doubt. I'm always looking for ways to relate people before I cast them off entirely.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 158 (view)
 
Good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be with
Posted: 10/10/2015 8:07:06 PM
I don't get it. What's wrong with being good enough to sleep with but not marry? I meet so many guys like this. They aren't good for much more than sex. Same with women.

I was told this once. He was lonely and divorced. He was attracted to me physically, sexually, or out of tired desperate sexual frustration (I couldn't tell which). He was a devout christian and said he could never marry me because I'm am atheist. I got it because I would never marry a devout christian.... but I'd tear his butt up in the bedroom no problem - provided I was attracted to him in other ways. He felt the same about me.

The problem for me is that he was being a hypocrite. I'm an atheist, I get to make my own rules and convictions. As a christian, those rules and convictions are already set out for you - no fornication, no adultery, no defiling of the marital bed. So if you're particularly 'devout' then why aren't you trying to stick to that?

Anyways... women always trying to save themselves for a relationship but it's much more easier for guys to sleep with you and not see you as marriage material. You should ask them why they won't marry you but willing to sleep with you. Learn something about yourself or them.

I've gotten that I'm sex worthy because I'm cute, intelligent, fun, funny, honest.

I've gotten that I'm not marriage worthy because I'm atheist, feminist, not submissive, too independent, argumentative, hurt their feelings, and don't cater to their ego.

Oh well. Never a loss for me because these are men I don't need.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Why are 'Skinny' People in the BBW/B&T Body Type?
Posted: 10/10/2015 7:39:41 PM
*I'm* argumentative and need to check my attitude? *I'm* being a jerk? Really? This AFTER someone told me to 'F*** off' in one of my other threads.

But *I'm* argumentative.

Some of you are entirely too sensitive and to the wrong person because I'm not the one saying mean stuff and calling you names. I'm just very blunt and have little to no patience for BS.

'F' it. Call yourself whatever you wanna call yourself. Either way, you're still an insecure liar who can't accept the truth about what you are. But hey... whatever makes you feel better - fat, fluffy, overweight, voluptuous, rotund, rolley-polley, corpulent... hell be creative with it and use any of the terms I just said.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 10/10/2015 7:26:57 PM
Lol, yall going back in my post history and bringing up stuff from WAY back. This was when I was more active on this forum so I posted stuff that I thought would invite discussion. It did and I didn't read all of it because some folks were just so mean and ignorant so I stopped reading around the 2nd page.

On FB I 'met' some really great people of different races and different religious views. The best thing was meeting other black people who were 'odd' and 'different' like me. Like we still hood and ghetto but we represent a different side to that than what people commonly associate with the 'hood' and 'ghetto.' I met black people into anime, j-pop, rock, metal, comicon, cosplay, ren faires, tattoo conventions, wine tastings, and a host of other things. These are things much talk about for fear of belittled or made fun of.

So I already know it be 'be a match' with people of a different race and religion. Politics? Not so much. I'm very liberal and left. I'm not a match for someone conservative and right no matter what their race or religion.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Would You Rather for him to Lover Her or Hate Her?
Posted: 10/10/2015 6:56:37 PM

Damn right that it wasn't amicable - she committed fraud, false allegations, and perjury. Her doings, not mine. My guilt in all of this? Lost my job and became depressed. Yet I am the bad guy? Two lettesr for you - FO


You seem bitter. That will come out in either a date as you unload your anger and disappointment or in the relationship itself. Has it caused you trust issues?

I always try to reflect and introspect. Even the bad stuff is worth learning from. You learn what you don't want and and why - or least that what you should learn.

I put this thread up not only for comments but as a small bit of insight to see what I'm up against. I'm separating/divorcing next year (around tax time) and I already know that I'm still going to love to my soon-to-be X. Much of what I am and who I am I owe to him, and I love who I am and the person I have become. I will continue to grow and evolve, reflect and introspect. I've seen the threads that ask how people handle it when you are 'amicable' with your x. I'm beyond 'amicable.' I love. I love still and I'll love the new.

If I accept and understand this for myself, then I accept and understand it for another who may feel the same. I guess that is what this means, this adage... 'it takes one to know and understand one.' If there are certain things you have not accepted or experienced for yourself... then you won't understand otherwise.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Why are 'Skinny' People in the BBW/B&T Body Type?
Posted: 10/10/2015 6:38:04 PM
daynadaze I agree with you. I'm not a 'BBW' and I'm not 'B&T.' I'm more like a super extra size BBBW. And I'm average height or slightly taller than average height for a woman. I guess I'm 'beautiful' to somebody but I've been called 'ugly' to many times to feel comfortable enough for say or put 'beautiful.' It's all relative and I'd rather err on the side of 'not' and you think I am than to err on the side that I am and you think I'm not. Rejection doesn't hurt, mean people do.

If they had 'ugly and fat' I would have picked that one but that would invite a lot of lowlifes users who thought I was desperate and had no esteem. Totally opposite. I'm not desperate and have plenty of esteem. I'm just very honest with my insecurities.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Why are 'Skinny' People in the BBW/B&T Body Type?
Posted: 10/10/2015 6:24:17 PM

Sure, some might be hoping to deliberately avoid being included in certain searches but a lot of people who first come here aren't always sure of dating or looking for a partner, are a little tentative about rejection and it's not always easy to be honest about our own insecurities.


This makes no sense to me. If you (generally speaking) aren't looking for anyone then why are you afraid of rejection? You're afraid of rejection from people you don't want? Nonsensical. If you are hoping to meet someone, then they're going to get rejected anyways if you are fatter than what they want. you can't hide being fat. You can dress it up nicely but you can't hide it. If you're insecure about being fat, then stay home and never date because again - you can dress up being fat but you can't hide it. I'd rather for people to know what they are getting up front, no bulls***. I'm not lying or changing people who never wanted me in the first place for any reason.

If you say a 'a few extra pounds' and only give me a headshot, then I meet you and you're 450, that's not a 'few extra pounds' by ANYONE'S standards and I'll leave you where you stand NOT for being fat, but for lying. 450 pounds can look great on some people, give it a chance by being truthful.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Would You Rather for him to Lover Her or Hate Her?
Posted: 10/10/2015 12:35:28 PM
The new woman (or man) in a relationship prefers for you to hate the x that way she doesn't have to worry about competition or you going back to her. She wants to think she was the best there ever was and the best there will ever be in your life. I call this ego-trippin.

I don't want a man to hate his X. That reflects strongly back on him. Remember, this is a person YOU chose, if you now hate them then the break-up wasn't amicable or polite and that's either YOUR FAULT for choosing the wrong person or YOUR FAULT because you messed it up like that. Will you ever be able to grow, trust, and look back on the relationship with gratitude for what it offered you and how you grew from it? Likely not.

For this reason, I don't want you to hate your X. If she was your x wife or long term girlfriend, I don't even mind if you still love her. Maybe I prefer it. Loving her and being in love are not the same thing. This woman was a huge part of your life and if you're a 'good' or 'great' man today then she has much to do with making you who you are and you should be proud and grateful. Don't be mad or bitter, people come into your life for a reason and a season and not always a lifetime. Not even marriage last a lifetime... but the lessons gained from any relationship are what last a lifetime. Live, learn, love, and grow.

So would you prefer he hate his x or love his x?

For me - forgive, let go, and love.
 lucidtheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why are 'Skinny' People in the BBW/B&T Body Type?
Posted: 10/10/2015 11:51:19 AM
I am fat. By any standard definition I am fat (5'7, 1 stone shy of 300 pounds). If POF had that category, I would pick that instead of the 'few extra pounds' and 'BBW' body type, but to be nice and appease people who don't see themselves as fat most sites try to go with something more 'politically correct.'

So I searched both men and women of this site and noticed there are a lot of smaller women with the BBW/B&T body type that would fit more in with the 'few extra pounds' body type. Are women predispositioned to think of themselves as 'fat' or is this a ploy where a person will think better of you for not appearing as fat as they think you would be for that category?

And there are a lot of men in the 'few extra pounds' category that would better fit in the 'BBW/B&T' category. Why an aversion to that category?

I understand this may be a bit relative but some of you honestly know better. You just hate to think or put what you really are - FAT. And anyone who thinks of that as a negative and can't stomach the thought that they are fat... that's a turn-off. You're either being dishonest with yourself (self-delusion) or outright lying and catfishing folks.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
To swing or not to swing
Posted: 3/5/2013 6:01:39 PM
No interest in swinging so if a guy suggest it I'd drop him.

Curious about 3somes but unsure if I'd try one. Seems complicated no matter if mmf or mff.

I'd be interested in an exclusive poly relationship among several partners for LTR and marriage I still prefer monogamy.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 249 (view)
 
She only prefers anal sex.
Posted: 3/5/2013 5:57:20 PM
Some women (usually young girls) wants to keep their vagina 'virginal' while they let bum and mouth get whorsy. Makes no sense to me, but that's how screwed up the 'abstinance movement' has made things.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Pegging, from the woman's perspective
Posted: 2/26/2013 8:13:14 PM
I'd do it with someone I wasn't serious about, IOW, casual dating or sex.
It would help if it was a double dilly so I could get off too while pegging him and/or something that stimilated and rubbed against the clit while boiging him.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Looking for particular etnicities in blue box
Posted: 2/26/2013 2:26:58 AM
I don't get what you are asking. In the 'search' box, you CAN put whether you are searching white, asian, black, etc, or if you just want those who have pics.

And you can more or less surmise what a person is looking for from their profile without them exacting a specific race or ethnic requirement. At least I can. I read some men's profiles and think 'looking for a white girl' and then bypass. When they start talking stuff about long hair, blond/brunette, 'hottie', using the term 'girls', and using numbers to describe women and that... I don't come from that circle of people that describes folks that way, it's usually white people looking for white people (or black people/POC who been around a lot of white people looking for more white people).

And yeah, you can put in profile that you're looking for a specific race or ethnicity, but that might make you suspect to some people, particularly if you're specifying a race or ethnicity that isn't your own. But hey, go for it. At least that way only those who are what you specify will contact you and won't get a lotta messages that don't fit.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
He had 5 kids
Posted: 2/25/2013 10:37:49 PM
It might make you shallow but who cares.

Tell him you don't want to be a baby-stepmomma. That he has too many kids. You have your standards/pref and so does he. If it don't fit, don't force it.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 197 (view)
 
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 2/25/2013 10:23:28 PM
A date or 2 I would consider, but likely not dating. In general my problems would be

1. Because I don't think I can have sex with you, seems like too much work. The whole thing seems like to much work and I don't want to be bothered.

2. You need additional accommodations that I don't need and take for granted (like a ramp) and that something I have to take into consideration while dating you. That means extra work.

3. It makes you vastly shorter than me. Too much bending over for affection.

4. I don't trust your motives. I'd think 'dude please. If you weren't disabled you wouldn't even give me the time of day; but now since you're crippled you have to lower your standards and I am NOT the one for someone to 'settle' for. I am more than that, therefore more than you.'

5. I ain't trying to be nobody's care taker. The more I would do for you, the more you would come to rely on me.

6. Feels awkward.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/25/2013 9:54:31 PM
Yes I do. And to my chagrin a 3rd, 4th, or whatever - until I learn differentiate all the possible similar scenarios and be able to avoid them.

Sometimes situations arrive that don't always look like the one you had before initially, so you give it a chance. Then you realize that the outcome of the situation is remarkably similar to like the one you had before. What you are going to do? Avoid ALL birds because of the one that sh*tted on your car? Or just avoid that one similar bird that did - even tho all have the potential to do the same thing (that is - sh*t on your car).

I don't really trip off of making the same mistakes more than once or several times. The question is - can I learn to differentiate the difference and learn from them?
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 91 (view)
 
What is an acceptable amount of time to wait for sex?
Posted: 2/22/2013 8:30:34 PM
69 minutes.
69 minutes.
69 minutes.
69 minutes.
69 minutes.
69 minutes.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Do you have children?
Posted: 2/22/2013 8:28:26 PM
'Prefer not to say'

meaning - 'I have children but I don't want to put that on here if it might turn you off from considering me. Holla at me first then I can ease that on you.'

Simple.

Done.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Anyone else found this to be a common issue...?
Posted: 2/22/2013 2:53:46 PM
A neutral medium is that those with next to nothing on their profiles shouldn't contact those who write novels on their profiles. Why would someone who gave a mountain of information want to correspond with someone who gave nearly nothing to go on.

If you aren't sure what to write, then you correspond with people who are more of a mystery just like you. Like someone said, it's a measure to judge how articulate you are among other things and to find out if you got something in common.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Def Leppard
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:19:02 PM
Hysteria produced 'Love Bites' and that was on hit. 'Pour some sugar on me' was pretty good, I like the tempo and beat even if I didn't understand why anyone would want sugar on them.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
If you're looking for hot NEW R&B MUSIC, CHECK OUT...
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:15:32 PM
My hometown!

Will check him out.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
To all those who love disturbed listen to my message!!!!
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:14:13 PM
Disturbed is longer a group?

I don't know if I am a fan of Disturbed but I enjoyed that album that had 'voices', 'violence fetish' and those popular songs 'down with the sickness' and I forget the other.

I'll check out Device if I remember it.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Why is it that many dates have to involve liquor to have a great time?
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:10:06 PM
laffin my ass off.

The questions people pose tell about themselves.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 139 (view)
 
Common 'run for the hills' lines you hear
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:04:12 PM
'I need a woman....'

I don't want the burden of your 'need' for me.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
No sometimes means Yes, I'm confused how do you know?
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:01:03 PM
YES BABY YES! LET ME RIDE YOUR DISCO STICK!

lol, why can't women just say 'YES!' when they want too? Why do we still have to act coy to be considered 'good girls' and not whores?

Is this what men like - for women to be coy and act like they don't want it? Is telling a man that you want it considered too forward and a turn-off for him?

I detest games, only immature people play games. When I say 'no' don't touch me. What you can do is touch me in a non-sexual way and supportive way and I might warm up enough or get hot enough just to sex you anyway, but no force, no dominant control until I tell you too. Slightly forceful, dominant sex can be fun.... but you have the clear cue for that. Try it on a women who REALLY doesn't want you and you might get kicked right in the groin.

No means no.

But dammit, I ain't afraid to say YES! Nobody should be afraid to say yes.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 89 (view)
 
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/20/2013 5:49:25 PM
The above - now that's a good answer.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:25:41 PM
What's with all the projection?

How the hell can someone who (I assume) has never cheated know what the hell someone who has cheated feels.

I get it, you're hurt. Now that hurt is projecting itself to tell others what you think cheaters feel like, never mind what they actually say. Why do non-cheaters always answer this question? All it does is give them a chance to tell how hurt they still feel. Get therapy.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 12:11:54 PM
I'm glad you didn't take it personally.You are forgiven.Can we still get married? lol


Mazeltov, I'll bring some pig feet and a giant stripper cake for your wedding reception

Yall do know that mccray (i don't remember the name exact) was being sarcastic when he said something about being 'sorry for our ancestors' don't you? I think he saying that when we try to talk about racial things to a conservative, they want to make you feel sorry for your own people bothering them somehow. Hence the 'sorry for what my ancestors...' comment. Sarcasm I saw it.

Like 'I'm so sorry you to shoot me with that gun because I looked suspicious while walking down the street. Won't happen again I swear!'
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 12:03:36 PM

Are you that desperate for a white man that you're willing to put up with one that is the polar opposite of you? Why not find a white man that is more aligned with your way of life/beliefs. That would make the relationship less complicated.


Why do you get the impression that I'm desperate? And for a white man in particular?
Has that been your experience with black women - that we're desperate for white men? Like that's going to upgrade my social status or something?

lol!

I can't. Well I could but that is probably apart of what got my other thread deleted so I leave any further comment of that alone.

Letcha in a little secret - I'm a little bored and I like controversial and interesting topics. Hard to fathom what stays and what gets deleted in POF, but I can't question that I can only try it see what happens. So here it is. I try to stay abreast upon it because then I might be able to keep it civil instead of letting it degenerate into a mess.

I'd have a hard dating black men who were christian and conservative, white men even more so. Whomever said that black christians and white conservatives have something in common politically and religiously is right, and might make a better match among them. But I tolerate those who tolerate me so I'm pretty open. But I guess in a relationship, you need way more than toleration and I don't want a relationship based on that. I like my relationships based on friendships so it's interesting that you can have 'friends' that are so vastly different but it wouldn't work out in a relationship. I figure if I like you enough to make you my friend then I like you for everything else, including sex and relationships - or I'd at least try it.

I getta lotta play from religious black men but I find that contrary. I knew a black muslim who told me his religion forebode him to have sex outside of marriage and that he respected that. But since I was an atheist, he thought I had no morals, ethics or boundaries and told me that since he was a man, he could have sex with me because he could have both wives and 'outside women.' In the olden days, 'outside women' were considered concubines, courtesans, or 'temporary wives' you could marry for as little as 1 day and then drop her. That was not only contrary, but insulting to me as a woman and an atheist. But religious women think religious men are more moral and upstanding.

Nope. 'Open' but not stupid and not desperate for either religion or conservative of any race. They do make for good discussions tho.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How to Propose to a Man
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:49:33 AM
So a marriage is a failure if it didn't make it until a spouse's death? I don't agree with that one. It takes no consideration on whether the marriage was good or happy, only the length of time it ran. Longevity does not a happy marriage make.

I think we should have a legal handfasting - a termed marriage that last for so many years (5, 7, or 10, not to exceed 15 years), and if works out you and can renew it. If it doesn't, it's automatically faults to null and void. Prenup type deals would be built into every contract - if you get divorced before the time is up, there are steep financial penalties. If you make to the end of the time you specified, no penalties and no foul.

The problem I see is people being 'so in love' and getting the maximum time (15 years) and divorcing in 2 years. You should have to pay like... an extra $100 for each year you didn't make it. That's $1300 for each year not mention other penalties if there are any.

Then you can take terms asking each other when you renew the contract to remarry.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Recipes for Skin and Hair
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:19:36 AM
I was told about Apple Cidar vinegar (ACV) as a rinse and I liked it so much I spray my hair and scalp with it, brush to loosen oils and dirt, and them place shampoo over to wash it. It lessens the lather of my shampoo tho but my hair feels very clean. ACV gets rid of build-up, dullness, yellowing, grease, and oils.

Since I have nappy/curly/textured hair I should be trying to keep the natural oils in because our hair has a tendency to dry, and people recommened not washing with sulfates because that makes your hair doubly dry. But I have oily scalp and dry hair and oil on the scalp can get kinda gritty while my hair feels like dry straw, saw I prefer to start with a clean scalp and hair and then oil (we call it 'grease') the hair to moisturize it.

I tried to wash my hair with baking soda but it didn't turn out well because it didn't lather and felt gritty. I like Dr. Bronners, maybe I'll try some baking soda in that.

Is the perfume a spray, a roll-on, or either?
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 8:43:52 AM
I can concede on gun ownership, so there's commonality there. Country men, both black and white, have a thing for guns. They not only use them, they seem to admire and revere them. I don't think there will ever be a total gun restriction ban so I understand the fanatical fear that there will be and one has to load up on guns.

And hot tempers and guns don't work. My uncle threatened me a with gun once when he was angry. And yes, he's from TN and owned about 3 of them legal. Conservatives do seem to be a lotta angry. So that coupled with guns would scare me too.

I would like a Repub or conservative to chime into this thread and let me know what they think - and not in a way that can get my thread deleted.



My local black weekly newspaper and another local weekly panned Django. The black weekly was basically offended by what he or shall the 'comedic intent' of the movie which cheapened and disrespected our history and culture in a way that has not been done to other cultures and race. That's why I'm kinda afraid to watch it. And in the wake of Black reality stars (which is a debatable move forward.. supposedly), I'm surprised a slave movie has come out and been so popular (which can be a debatable move backward.. supposedly). My curiosity is peaked so I'll likely check it out on Redbox.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How to Propose to a Man
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:54:23 AM

If he said no then I would show him the bread knife I brought along for the picnic.

lol, that's funny.

But my questioned still wasn't answered - does woman getting down on one knee and presenting a man with a ring look good? If you saw it, what would you think? That's she's desperate? That he has no balls? That it's brave? What?

I would think it was brave.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:46:13 AM
@LuicidTheory just avoid watching BET in front of him. He might question why there's a network devoted to Blacks...lol


I can handle that conversation and have had it many times.
Albeight it never turns out well with some people :(

I haven't watched Django yet. I'm kinda scared, lol. The reviews haven't gone over well on it.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How to Propose to a Man
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:38:15 AM
Why would a proposal be an ultimatum? Is that how women feel when men propose to them?

People think that men go into marriage kicking and screaming... or reluctantly. That they see it as the end of their social and sexual freedom to settle down with the ol ball and chain.

Woman are suppose to always be looking for a marriage and imagining the wedding from the time they are a pre-teen, so when they are ask they are READY and WILLING. Their prince charming come to light.

That's why it's accepted that men propose to women. If the man does it, then she just knows he's ready and women are suppose to always be ready and not have any reluctance.

But you don't propose to a man because they are never ready unless and until they do it. Is that why you consider it an ultimatum for him?

nah, I don't make people choose between me and... whom or whatever. If get tired and can't handle it, or feel I am not wanted, then I will make a decision without giving them ultimatum. I'm leaving.

I would only ask a guy to marry me if I were sure he wanted too.
Isn't that how men do it? Or do they force women to marry them who don't want it?

OK, scratch that because they most certainly in this country and abroad, so that defeats my point.

But you shouldn't have to force anybody to marry you - man or woman. It should be mutual and if it is, doesn't matter who asks IMO.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:19:41 AM
I'm thinking we might have to avoid watching Roots. He might have a 'we should have picked our own dam cotton' attitude.

But I could tolerate CNN as long as long as he doesn't mind TV1.

Fox news is a joke but I do like comedy so maybe that's compromisable.

lol, I think I might let this one go and just send a complement. Maybe.

I don't know who Cain and Matalin is that folks are mentioning. If I can remember I'll have to look them up.

If something like this did worked for me, I'd come back with a testimonial.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:05:38 AM

Some people are willing to accept the "fact" that today's "fact"(or truth) is tomorrow's "fiction". Some define it as evolving.


I think all truth is relative truth and no absolutes. So you add me to the people who believe the above.

Richmackey, 'Christian' is mentioned because the majority of white conservative males in America are Christian and not any other religion. And I'm speaking about a white conservative male. I don't think Chrisitanity is being picked on in this instance but used because the examples and statements that warrant it.


Funny that you have issues with Black women being in relationships with white men. Amazing!!!! That's an EXTREMELY CONSERVATIVE point of view.


I didn't get that she has issues with it. She speaks of black women with white men because again - that was MY initial topic. She's white, liberal, atheist. A complete opposite of her would be black, christian, conservative - and she said that wouldn't go together with her because it's too much of a difference and opposite from her. I don't think was meant to get your goat if you're black, christian, conservative.

And nobody called you or Christianity a 'bigot' in this post.

I like you - you're open minded enough to listen and consider even if you will always remain christian and conservative. That what I was talking about before. It's not changing you if you don't want to be changed, but looking at something from a new and different perspective so you can understand it. Those that can't do that or refuse... are mentally stagnant to me.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 6:49:41 AM
I hate 'lets agree to disagree.' It's a flippant response akin to 'shut up, I don't want to listen' which I find irritating and disrespecting. People have already shut you down.

I know some people are not going to budge from their opinions and that's not my point in making them do so. My point is to impart knowledge and exchange information and give them something to new ponder or a different way of seeing it. I'm always up for doing that if people are nice and respectful enough.

But some folks... will put their fingers in their ears, close their eyes, and sing 'I'M NOT HEARING IT, LAH LAH LAH' at the top of their lungs because they don't want to entertain something that may challenge their already held beliefs. If what they think is ignorant - then it's willful ignorance. Willful limitation. Willful stagnation.

I remember when I was afraid when my beliefs about homosexuality changed (to use an example). For a moment I 'feared' I was gay since I grown more tolerant and accepting of something I wasn't so open and accepting about before. It forced to examine who I was and why I felt a certain way. Some people don't want to examine themselves, they don't want whatever great things they think of themselves to blown open by less-than-stellar self-analysis.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 6:12:23 AM

With respect to race and the cultural differences that entails, our relationship is not typical, because I am from a different country with an accent, and so I am as clearly not a member of mainstream white
America as he is. Thus, we both have experienced this sense of not being "part of" and can understand the other in that respect.

Also, because he's a black man, and I'm a white woman, we both are simultaneously members of the power group and of the group not in power, and we can share and compare experiences at times, and we certainly understand where the other is coming from. I have often wondered how different it would be for a black woman dating a white man, where one partner is in both power groups and the other in both non-power. I would imagine that it would be much harder to be empathetic with the other person.


I'm surprised and impressed you understand this dynamic of race. You were dismissive about it in my 'feminist' thread when it veered that way.

I'm not familiar with the cultural dynamics of non-american white women and american black men or how that would differ if both were american. Again tho, I guess that why my name is 'Lucid Theory' because from your mentioning and what I little I know from meeting foreign white folks (like Russians), I can gander to figure that out a little.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 5:56:39 AM
So I read a some of you saying that being friends is possible, but not lovers or mates.

I wonder then - do many of you have friends that are politically and religious opposite of you? Or all 3 or more - racially, politically, and religiously, or culturally maybe?

If were married to a religious person, I figure I could let him do his thing about going to church and praying and that without me having to convert or accommodate. Is that harder between the liberal and conservative?
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 5:48:33 AM
I don't have 'd!ck' goggles.' I am not easily swayed by game and sex. I'm swayed by good conversation and people who make sound logical points that are backed up with sound logical evidence or at least sound logical theory. This guy and I haven't even talked, I just checked out his profile. That's it.

As for 'use to be anti-homosexual' - thought homosexuality was unnatural to the fact that man and women was designed to be together, was against gay marriage, didn't like homosexuality (and by extension homosexuals, I use to be like 'that's gross.')

Funny how when you evolve in one area it changes your view about another - becoming an atheist and analyzing why we get married did that. Once the pretense of religion is taken away from marriage and you see it as a contract between 2 people and whatever state you reside in, why would you want to deny 2 consenting adults from entering into a legal contract with their state to share benefits and get tax perks? I'm like 'whatever, who cares. If that's what you wanna do, do it. I support it.' I can't call them 'gross' anymore because whatever they do as a couple, heteros do too. The argument that homosexuality is 'unnatural' based on the type of sex they have isn't sound. If it were then adult consenting heteros do a lot 'unnatural' things that's accepted only because they are hetero. So that's unjustified. And the 'can't have babies thing' is also an unjustified argument for them not being together if they wish.

That's how I became un-anti-homosexual.

Plus 2 of my favorite authors are gay and I have some great associate/friends that are gay and I am truly fond of them (enamored). I try to keep my cognitive dissonance to a minimum by matching my feelings with my thoughts with my convictions with my beliefs and with my stated and physical actions.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Def Leppard
Posted: 2/20/2013 5:16:21 AM
I like them. Not sure what my favorite song is but I like Hysteria and Rock of Ages. You can catch them at the end of the movie 'Rock of Ages' that stars Tom Cruise.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
The Catholic church, the last paradox on this planet...
Posted: 2/20/2013 5:07:25 AM
I don't think that's a paradox, that's hypocritical and contrary. People that are ashamed of what they are (i.e., homosexual) will fervently reject it and some christians even flog themselves for it (flagellation) to get closer to god's suffering and to beat themselves for something they feel they shouldn't have or be.

The paradox I find in the catholic church is that it is a patriarchal male-dominated religion that openly and secretly worships a woman after totally shutting her down and maligning her.

Someone told me once to go any great Cathedral and you see red doors. The red doors are symbolic of a woman's womb so when you enter the church you are going into the womb (the 'womb' of the church, but only women have wombs), and when you exit those red doors you are literally (on a figurative) 'reborn.' Their god is a male and they say 'reborn through christ' but their practice has a feminine element.

I've visited 3 cathedrals in my city just to check this out, and so far that person is right. The outer doors are silver or white, and there is an inner set of red doors.

And not to mention that Mary seems to hold greater power and sway over the church than than their male god.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:36:21 AM

So can YOU see past race,religion,and politics to date this man?

Yes. I have known people who I could describe as 'they are an assh*le but quite lovable once you get to know them.'
The question (or problem) would be
1) would you want to be friends with an assh*le and
2) why?

Most people say 'no' but I will engage anyone in a discussion no matter who. Some folks just like to be heard and I listen well enough to let them be heard or inquire on their thoughts, and counter with some of my own.

I like this and think it might well ring true:

Meaning conservatives usually dont respect liberal views, while a liberal might still at least hear others views and listen to other opinions. which ultimately means he might not value you, as he is not "liberal" enough to tolerate other views and opinions.

But as a liberal you will probably try at least ;-)
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:25:06 AM
How is this post 'bashing and insulting to other posters'?

Really?

Wow. Either you're super sensitive or you can't have an open discussion about a controversial topic in a civil way.

I guess this will go by way of the drain.

Thanks for the replies all.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:19:17 AM

Forget the black and white issue,the rest is about who you both are as people at the core,not on the surface.


My race is very important to me because it does shape who I am at the core and and it shades my experiences. I know it's arbitrary (just like this conservative/liberal thing) but it social, economic, and political impact can not be denied at all.

I do get what you're saying tho. I'm saying that it's an overall part of who I am that can not be 'forgotten' and tossed into the back seat like that. I carry it along with every other element of who I am.
 LucidTheory
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Different Race, Political, Religous - Can we Make it a Match?
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:12:39 AM
The only time I was ever conservatively inclined was when I was anti-homosexual. I use to declare myself 'liberal with conservative tendencies' and being anti-homosexual was about the only 'conservative tendency' I had. Oh yeah.. and being married (that's a conservative value. Well one they supposedly prize).

Now I'm faithless, godless, an ally of the LGBTQ, feminist, and not an advocate for marriage or traditional role modeling.

Wow, I've never put all that together before, I seem like a super liberal!

Yeah, reading it like that I might be a bit too much for a conservative *frown*
 
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