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 Author Thread: What ever happened to DATING different people, and perhaps later going steady?
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
What ever happened to DATING different people, and perhaps later going steady?
Posted: 5/19/2010 9:12:45 AM

Is there anything wrong with going on a few dates with a few different people to see who might be a good match for you?

Why does it feel (and maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me) that after a couple of dates there's this unspoken expectation that you are not seeing anyone else - that you have to be exclusively dating this one person?


DITTO!
A couple of dates and you are getting phone calls day & night, cards in the mail, and people professing their 'Love' to you!

What a CROCK!

It usually takes two or three dates to decide if I'm even interested in the person,
And I certainly don't like the idea of being 'Exclusive' when we have only agreed to coffee, lunch or a movie once or twice!

After two dates, one woman was DEMANDING that I not go to my high school reunion because 'Old Girlfriends' would be there (I didn't invite her to the reunion, so she tried to forbid me from going!)...

Lunch 'Dates', dinner 'Dates' are often so I can get to know how people think,
Or sometimes just because I don't want to eat alone...

I can't see how seeing a movie with someone is a 'Commitment'!

I NEVER lie about seeing more than one woman for dinner, drinks, movies, ect.
But it's simply not the business of anyone to keep tabs on who and when I have lunch or coffee with someone!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Women with Harleys
Posted: 5/19/2010 9:04:54 AM
I don't have an issue with women on bikes, Harley or not.

Just don't like the attitude some of the 'Check Book Bikers' have, women or men.
If they try and look like something that fell out of 'Easy Riders' or something they saw in the movies, then they usually have 'The Attitude'...

Every Bike Week in Daytona you see people acting like fools.
Guys that look like cat vomit, acting like fools for the week,
Yuppies in 'Christmas Leather' and rolex watches trying to act like 'Bikers',
The idiots trying to act like 'Outlaws', although their entire idea of 'Outlaws' is what they've seen on TV...

Then there is the rest of us, just regular guys that ride a lot getting together after the winter and having a little vacation...

First off, 'Outlaw' bikers are usually sociopaths or out right psychopaths, and I can't imagine what people are thinking when they refer to them as 'Cool' or someone to be admired or imitated.

Then there are the 'Yuppie' bikers that think the sun rises and sets with them and just like when they are in their SUVs, they thing the rules don't apply to them,

Then you run into the 'Misguided' folks that think a bike makes them part of a 'Brotherhood' or makes them look tougher...
Those folks are usually the guys that got Mom & Dad to co-sign the loan or write a check for the 'Chopper', so chromed out factory bike...

Then there are the guys like us,
Just plain old folks going on vacation and riding bikes.
We don't get stinking drunk or stoned, we don't start fights, we don't raise hell at the motel/hotel or campgrounds...

We try and ride safe and follow the rules/laws and just have fun without the police mistaking us for the morons with 'Issues'...

I taught several women how to ride, about half of them copped 'The Attitude', and the other half stayed grounded in the real world.

I think women on bikes is great, and everyone that thinks they would enjoy riding should take the classes, learn to handle the bike in a safe and reasonable manner and have fun!

If anything thinks a bike makes them 'Cool', 'Tough' or 'An Outlaw' they are deluded from the start!
You won't see the 'Real Bikers' with 'Harley Davidson' tattoos everywhere, wearing leather advertising Harley or anything else...
That should be a GIANT RED FLAG right there if they identify a brand name with 'Cool' or 'Tough'!

I have several 'Muscle' cars and several bikes, including 6 Harleys, and you won't find me advertising Harley or anything else on my skin, or on my clothing unless Harley wants to sponsor me!
If they put enough cash in my pocket, I'll advertise Harley!

I do wear leather and boots, anyone that rides that doesn't wear leather and boots is an idiot and doesn't know the meaning of 'Road Rash'!

The entire 'Skull' thing is beyond me,
And you won't see me wearing two or three knives exposed to try and intimidate people right from the start...
I put between 10,000 to 15,000 miles on my bikes every year, so I'm what most people would call a 'Serious' rider.
If we didn't have 5 months of bad weather (Cold, Snow, Ice, Rain) here, I would put more miles on the bike, but my old bones won't take that kind of abuse anymore!

If you want to ride, then have fun, but don't expect a rider to be any different than anyone else, but you can expect about half the big bike riders to be a little imbalanced because they think it's some kind of status symbol...
Those are the ones you have to watch for!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 373 (view)
 
do you look like your pictures?
Posted: 5/19/2010 8:40:04 AM
Nope,
I've lost about 60 pounds since that picture was taken and I'm a couple of years older.

If you are mostly stuck on looks, then you are WAY too shallow anyway!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIES FOR BAREFEET AND HAIR DOWN??
Posted: 4/2/2010 6:08:05 AM

I really really like barefeet and the ladie's hair down, a suck on the neck isn't bad either...tell me ur thoughts please


Bare feet, hair down or pony tail, simple sun dress,... Just pushes my buttons!
If she's a red head on top of it, I automatically ofter to buy here a house!
'Country Girl' red heads are my 'Weak Spot'!

Those pointed toe high heels may make the calves look good, but the shoes themselves are REALLY goofy looking, and they always look uncomfortable as hell to me...

Few things will turn me off faster than a woman that is WAY overdone...
I call it 'Full Battle Camouflage', you KNOW they are either going to bust your balls, or they are trying to hide something SERIOUSLY wrong mentally or physically with them!

I have NO USE for the pathetically skinny women you see on TV.
If they look like an AIDS victim or famine victim I just want to buy them a cheese burger and an industrial size bag of M&M's so they don't drop dead in front of me...

Women that look HEALTHY, full of life are the ones that are the most attractive to me.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 76 (view)
 
opinions please - is my friend bisexual?
Posted: 3/31/2010 2:16:13 PM
This has GOT to be a troll!

YES, The GUY IS BI or flat out gay still in the closet if he's propositioning you for sex (Of any kind!)....
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
How to find out penis size
Posted: 3/31/2010 2:12:42 PM
Maybe we are looking at this the wrong way,
Maybe it's not because she's afraide the guy is 'Below Average',
Maybe she's worried she's WAY LARGER THAN AVERAGE and he'll fall in and drown.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
kinky question about come disposal
Posted: 3/31/2010 2:05:31 PM
Where ever THEY want to deal with it!

Personally, I prefer to dig as deep as I can get when I let go.
Some guys seem to want to look at/play with it, I'm not one of them.

On the other side, if she is talented enough to get me off orally,
What she does with it is her business!
What ever trips her trigger is fine with me unless she tries giving it back to me, then I draw the line!

I'm just happy someone wants to have sex with me, so what she wants to do is FINE with me!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Are we doomed?
Posted: 3/31/2010 2:01:50 PM
1. Stimulate yourself during intercourse.

2. "Cock Ring" with clit stimulator.

3. Get on top so he can reach your clit while inside you.

4. Consider a 'Personal Vibrator' to "Get things started" before he starts with his meager attempt at foreplay.
Many are very discreet and some even have remote controls.

If all else fails,
Find someone that actually trips your trigger!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Women in the army
Posted: 3/31/2010 1:47:39 PM
I was in the military for 16 years, and let me tell you, there will be PLENTY of opportunity for you to 'Date' (and anything else you might want to do) on a military base full of single men!
They are all going to be in very good physical condition, but be SAFE! Some of them bring things with them you don't want to catch!

I would, however, be DISCREET!
There are some pretty harsh rules about fraternization with some ranks.

And remember, most guys in the military are either married to the job, true professional soldiers,
Or they are 'One Timers' and can't wait to get out...
The 'Can't Wait' guys are not 'Completion Oriented', so watch out for them,
And the professional guys will be hard to deal with since they are actually married to the job....
(I was, and I've been single for 49 years)

The best thing I can tell you is MOVE AROUND,
Take as many 'Classes' as you can that will get you different duty stations.
There is NOTHING like exploring the world while you are young and not hardened or jaded!

I saw 21 'Permanent' duty stations in 16 years!
Kept signing up for stuff that would get me out of where ever I was at just so I could travel.
Korea, Japan, Germany, Philippines, Hawaii, all over central America, Alaska, ect.
Never made it to England, Italy or France, but they were on my list...

Did TOO MUCH time in Pakistan/Afghanistan the FIRST time (soviets were there),
And central America was mostly Jungle humping for me in the 80s,
But you CAN travel, have fun, see places, meet people you would have NEVER been able to do before!

Watch falling for officers, they are STRICTLY off limits!
If they are messing with you as an enlisted female, then chances are they have done this before and you are a 'Toy',
And if you get caught, YOU will be the one with the limited career,
He'll only get a reprimand that comes out of his file later...

Take in traditional theater in Korea or Japan,
Go to the beach in Italy where everyone rides scooters and says 'Ciao'...
Have a beer in church on Sunday morning in Germany...
See a 15th century castle in England,

DON'T get stuck on some god forsaken rock like Diego Garcia in the middle of nowhere!

Remember, you get leave time, about 30 days a year,
And you can get military 'Hops' for cheap,
Those are military flights from/to places you haven't seen yet for dirt cheap.
You can fly from New Jersey to England for $35 if they have a seat available and you don't mind riding with cargo (For $35 trans-Atlantic flight, I'd ride IN the cargo!)

Pack an 'AWOL' bag and your passport, and be off to the races!
It's a great time in your life, make the most of it!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Pre Date 'Meet & Greet'... Goes Horribly Wrong!
Posted: 3/31/2010 1:10:14 PM
As of Sunday night, I guess I'm back looking again,
Haven't updated profile again since I had such terrible luck with the POF dating side.
I enjoy the forums, but not sure I want to do the dating side again...

Just got the, "My Ex and I..." speech on Sunday night.
Seems they weren't as broken up as she said they were.
Lots of time invested in that relationship, but I kind of had a feeling something was being held back, just didn't know what...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Absolutely mortified!!
Posted: 3/31/2010 12:44:46 PM
Not 'English' so I'm not sure what 'Thrush' is...

BUT...
'Social' diseases/infections don't show up instantly, so what ever he has, he brought with him...
Incubation is usually 3 days to two weeks depending on the type of infection.
30 minutes means it came with him.

DO HAVE YOUR SELF CHECKED OUT!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Mensa? anyone?
Posted: 3/31/2010 12:15:20 PM
I took the tests with a friend of mine, I got in, he didn't.
That created a rift between us.

I actually never thought I would come anywhere close to getting in, but it happened.
I paid the dues for 3 years, attended meetings, engaged in several conversations that were esoteric at best, mostly pointless and endless...
After 3 years I quite paying dues, so I guess I'm out now.

I'm much happier with my 'Dumb' friends!
At least they can laugh at a joke without trying to analyze it to death!

I did meet a few people I'm still friends with...
Most were pompous asses arguing over who had the best eduction,
All the while not realizing education only makes you more knowledgeable, not a better person... You have to do that on your own!

For an organization that states it's existence is for the betterment of mankind,
They didn't do ANYTHING but debate/argue about stuff all the time,
Never actually came up with an idea or picked up a shovel and DID anything the three years I was a member.

Big Brothers & Big Sisters, the Mentor Programs, ect. are a MUCH better use of my time in my opinion,
And I meet a better class of people there!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Ok, any ideas why a man would just stop contact from one day to the next.!!
Posted: 3/31/2010 11:59:22 AM
His wife found out?

He got back with his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend?

Decided you weren't what he was looking for and didn't have the guts to tell you face to face?

Found someone that wasn't as much 'Work' to get into bed?

Found someone that wanted sex without commitment?

Possibilities are vast and varied...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
So, you just got out of a relationship...
Posted: 3/31/2010 11:54:13 AM
Getting out of a 'Long Term' relationship is like someone dying in the family.
Everyone is different, but it usually takes about 6 months to a year to deal with the feelings of loss and rejection.

If when the subject of the 'Ex' comes up,
They don't make a joke or shrug it off, then they are NOT ready to be in a relationship again.
If it still hurts them, they aren't ready.

Don't make the mistake of being the 'Crutch' for them as they recover,
Or you will be the 'Best Friend' instead of a potential match.
Make sure when you two do something together, it's out and about, keeping their mind off the previous relationship and having some fun at the same time.

Intimacy will come later...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 158 (view)
 
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/31/2010 11:49:30 AM
Some guys just look at too much porn/advertising and think that 'Humans' actually look like that... Hairless and airbrushed.

He's a jerk for two reasons,
1. He doesn't have any reasonable expectations for a 'REAL WOMAN'...

Real women have hair, and your are a moron if you don't think one is going to pop up here and there unexpected...

If any adult male DOES NOT have hair growing in places he wishes he didn't,
Then he's lying about his age, or he's hairless through genetic defect!

2. He was VERY CRASS in the way he informed you about it.
Personally, it would have been MUCH NICER to have bought you a day at the 'Spa' for waxing, facial, ect. to get what he wanted...
(every woman needs a 'Beauty Budget', and any guy that wants a good looking woman better deal with it!)
That would have been a pleasant way for BOTH OF YOU to get what you wanted...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Pre Date 'Meet & Greet'... Goes Horribly Wrong!
Posted: 3/31/2010 11:21:37 AM
I do my VERY BEST not to be a jerk...

I don't filter what I'm going to say, I don't posses that ability.
I don't lie, I'm not smart enough to keep up with lies, and it's tiring to try and remember what the latest lie was.
I tell EVERYTHING that is relevant or appropriate.
No 'Secrets', but I'm not afraid to tell someone they are 'Out Of Bounds' when they ask something personal I'm not ready or comfortable discussing.
(like how much money do I have in the bank, how big my 'Johnson' is...)

One woman freaked out completely when she found out I owned 'Guns'...
I'm a farm kid, we ALL have 'Guns'.
I don't hunt for anything but mushrooms anymore, but I do target shoot sometimes,
And every 'Gun Owner' isn't a mass murder!

One woman quit dating me because my house was 'Too Small'...
I'm a bachelor, I think three bedrooms is PLENTY of space.
I wasn't like I was living in my mothers garage!

Another woman decided my car wasn't 'New' enough...
I collect and restore 'Muscle' cars and 'Hot Rods' for a living, and my 'Old' car is an attraction and selling point for me,
Besides, it was a 6 year old Cadillac she mostly saw anyway...
The restored cars are 'Weekend Drivers' and don't get out in the rain/snow.

One woman complained because I showed up on a motorcycle for the 'Meet & Greet' that was supposed to be 'Coffee', and it was at a coffee house...
Said I looked like a 'Hippie', even though I still have a 'Business Mans' haircut (above the ears) and clean shaved.

Another one wanted to go 'Jewelery Shopping' on the 'Meet & Greet'...
Although it was supposed to be for coffee/lunch at the local deli/coffee shop.

One wanted to park her car at my house to keep the repossession people from finding it.

One that was new to the area wanted to know if I knew anyone that was selling drugs, meth in particular... I left skid marks getting out of there!
She showed up later in the news paper after getting busted at a meth house...

One woman thought I was nuts when I said I eat breakfast every single morning...
She thought that eating breakfast was making me fat and that had to change!
(I'd known her a total of 15 minutes...)

I'm VERY average in every way for my area...
Kind of boring really.
I don't do illegal drugs, I drink too much about three times a year,
I'm NEVER a 'Sloppy Drunk' or a 'Mean Drunk', just get 'Goofy'...

I won't drive drunk, I own my own home, I have some 'Toys' I probably don't 'Need',
I'm respectful of others, although I do have a 'Potty Mouth' when I get mad at something in the garage...
I work for a living, although the company I work for builds race cars and that is kind of exciting,
And I have my own home based business, Alternative Energy,
And like every 'Farm Boy', I'm wanting to live in the 'Country' away from neighbors I can see into their homes through my bedroom window...
Have a large garden, some room to fart without the neighbors knowing about it!

I'm set in my ways...
I leave the toilet seat up (Bachelor!),
I detest a wet towel on the bathroom floor,
I leave the coffee pot on when there is just a dribble in the bottom sometimes,
I've always had a dog, country kids are like that.
I watch the CNN news in the morning while I'm rattling around the house, and weather at night.
I don't use 'Hot' water when washing whites, but I do use bleach.
I won't go into debt for 'Frivolous' things like x-mas presents on a 25% credit card or vacations, if I don't have the cash to spend, I'm not spending...
I don't buy 'New Cars' to keep up with the neighbors.
All these things can change except for the wet towels and borrowing money to piss it away!
(I do have retirement to think about!)

I travel for my job, Las Vegas, Florida, California for the car shows, ect.
Spouses/significant others are encouraged to go along by the boss, so it's not like I'm leaving anyone at home while I 'Party'...

I think I DESERVE someone that will get up in the mornings, go to work (any kind of LEGAL work),
Have her own life that integrates my life into it...
If that makes me a prick, or is an unreasonable expectation, then I'm going to continue to be a bachelor!
Availability doesn't mean suitability, and since I'm not an IV drug user, Meth head, money leach, drunk, abuser, or other type of useless, I'm looking for someone that has the same outlook/goals.

I'm still on the hunt, and so far there are prospects, but not a lot around here.
Like I said, when you get to be my age (~49 & counting) the 'Good Women' are all taken for the most part...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Pre Date 'Meet & Greet'... Goes Horribly Wrong!
Posted: 3/31/2010 8:52:33 AM
Yup, I'm taking some heat for the way I put things...

By "Wild Streak" I was talking about the ability to throw a bag in the car/truck and go camping or go on a weekend trip someplace,
Or take off and go mushroom hunting or something.

Seems one of the women reading this thread seems to think it meant wild in bed...
Which is OK with me, as long as she takes it easy on my old butt!
I can't stick my toes in my ears or swing on a trapeze at my age,
So I settle for trips, camping, ect.

Anyway, like I said before,
I was shocked by what WASN'T Said before we met,
Then I was shocked at what was said when we met...

I think it was the revelation she was still living/sleeping with her ex-husband and the bombshell about 9 kids that made me leave skid marks getting out of that situation.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Pre Date 'Meet & Greet'... Goes Horribly Wrong!
Posted: 3/26/2010 10:36:49 AM
UPDATE...
It's now 2010, Still single after 49 years...

Been on a few more 'Meet & Greets', and a couple of dates... Not much luck in my area.
A friend of mine says,
"Good women around here are like parking spaces at Wally-World,
The good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped or WAY out in left field!"

I don't exactly agree with that, but singles in my area tend to be single for a reason!
Either they are so self absorbed there is no room in their lives for anyone else,
They have SERIOUS mental issues,
They have Drug or Alcohol problems (and I'm no prude),
Or they live in some fantasy world derived from TV Soaps that NO ONE can live up to!

I guess I spent too many years in the military and didn't have time to 'Date' enough,
I work for a living so I know the value of a buck,
I live in the real world of taxes, deadlines, substance abuse, ect. and I have limits on what I will and won't put up with just to have companionship...

I don't mistake 'Availability' for 'Suitability',
What makes me wonder everyday is, I see perfectly acceptable women, working hard, taking care of family, home, responsibilities and putting up with guys I would not do business with if they were holding cash money!
Cheating, Lying, Lazy, Abusive & totally Useless, but they stay with them anyway,
And I don't understand that!
Guess I'm missing something about them, but from what I do know of plenty of them, I don't want to know more!

Anyway, hooked up with an old girlfriend at a class reunion and things are going slow, but OK for now...
She left town immediately after high school, and didn't return until the reunion I saw her at, and we hit it off.
We'll see how this goes! So far, So good!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 385 (view)
 
Men over 55!
Posted: 3/26/2010 9:14:14 AM
I just hit 50, and I like sex as much as I ever did, just not into 'Marathon' sessions anymore...
My stamina just isn't what it was when I was 25 and running 5 miles a day!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Do you get dizzy after sex?
Posted: 3/26/2010 9:11:35 AM
I have to go with the other posters...
Have a physical, make sure there isn't some medical issue...

You have to remember, the brain chemistry is changed significantly after sex!
Dopamines called Endorphins are released and that is the same feeling some people call a 'Runners High' and it often lasts several hours.

Barring a medical condition,
If sex is the only way this person is getting excercise, or they are doing non-aerobic exercises, like weight lifting, then it's just a 'Runners High' afterwards.
Who says sex isn't good for you!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Is low self esteem (men and women) becoming an epidemic?
Posted: 3/24/2010 9:19:31 AM
This may just be me,
But I think all the passed gas about 'Self-Esteem' is crap.

Low opinion of self is basically the lack of character,
And character comes from experience.

People of the 'ME' generation have no experience with real life anymore.
They are influenced by TV, Movies, Talk Radio, ect. instead of getting out and DOING SOMETHING... ANYTHING!

You never heard anyone talk about 'Low Self-Esteem' in someone that goes rock climbing, off roading, racing, becomes a pilot and flies, scuba diving, ect.

Experience makes us strong, well rounded personalities that are educated and actually interesting to talk to, and that gives us 'Confidence'...

It's no wonder women are attracted to cops, soldiers, sky/scuba divers, surfers, race car drivers, outdoor/mountain types!
They have been out there, tested their 'Metal', built confidence in their abilities, seen the 'Bigger Picture'...

Remember, it's not 'Bragging' if you can actually do it!
And if you CAN do it, then you build confidence and round out your personality somewhat.

For the guys (and women) that have only sat in front of the TV watching OTHER PEOPLE do stuff,
Or worse yet, watch the daytime crap on TV, it's no wonder they don't have any skills or confidence in their abilities!

I Mentor kids, and I see it every day...
The biggest achievement in their lives is reaching the 'Golden Palace' in some video game instead of getting out and building character and building confidence in themselves by putting in a good days work, building something with their own hands or intellect.

One reason is the 'ME' generation spent their entire lives being 'Safe'...
"Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained".
With the 'Mother Hens' we have now, no kid can grow up and learn anything really useful since 'Dad' is either at work, which doesn't allow kids there to learn anything,
Or 'Dad' isn't in the picture at all...

'Mom' spends all day keeping kids from actually getting anything constructive done,
Under the guise of 'Keeping Them Safe'...
No 'Tree House Building' to learn from or get a sense of accomplishment from,
No 'Messing' with old car parts to learn how things work and how to fix them under the guise of 'Keeping Them Safe'...

Which is total BS!
It's just 'Easier' to keep them doing nothing than to risk the trips to get stitches, treat skinned knees, ect.
Which is all part of growing up to NOT be useless!

I think I was lucky because I was a 'Country Kid',
I chopped wood with an Axe, cut wood with a chain saw, dug post holes and worked with heavy equipment, building fences, planting, harvesting, ect.
I was taught the 'Right' way to do things since the parents/grandparents were ALWAYS around to teach me first hand,
And ANY help on the farm is good help!

They let me 'Tinker' with broken equipment, taught me the satisfaction of doing ANY job well whether it was menial or even failed, and to complete what I started.
Septic pits have to be cleaned out (Truly a 'Crap Job') just like the strawberries have to be picked (and eaten!) when you are young to round out your personality!
'Games' won't do that for you, only hard work and hard 'Play' will do that for you!

When I wanted to join the Marines, it was supported, even though it was almost assured we were going to war,
And when I took extra training in the military, I learned to deal with people in several different ways...

You can't be 'Safe' all the time, 'Safety' is an illusion,
Learning to do things 'Correctly' and get that sense of completion and usefulness, no matter what you are doing, is crucial to 'Self Esteem' and self worth.

Our women's self defense classes show this every month...
(We don't call it 'Safety Classes' for a reason, Safety is an Illusion)
Battered/Abused women almost always go back to the abuser (93%) because they have never been taught to deal with the situations.

We teach them to stick up for themselves, mentally and physically,
To avoid obviously danger, and to deal with the unseen dangers when they present themselves.
The recidivism rate is about 41% after the classes, and most that go back usually leave the abusive partner in less than a year if they do go back.

Knowing exactly WHERE the lines are drawn, Exactly WHAT to do when this or that happens, and exactly how to deal with the aftermath is what gives them the confidence to get out of the 'Low Self-Esteem' trap... And cycles of abuse.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
What do girls mean when they say their last relationship was all about sex?
Posted: 3/24/2010 8:44:36 AM

When a girl says that her previous relationships were entirely physical and that she wants to wait to have sex with me, what does she mean about what went on in those previous relationships? I can't imagine a guy telling a new date of his, "Let's wait, because my previous relationships were entirely physical...the girl just kept wanting sex..etc."


Two things,
1. They were young, unattached, and looking to have fun, explore sexuality,
Found someone that was 'Appealing', but found out there wasn't a 'Relationship' in the works, just sex.
These people generally grow up and start looking for something more.

This doesn't automatically mean they are damaged.
It could mean they were young, hormone driven, experiencing life, and generally having a good time with things.

I WOULD watch for other signs of sociopathic behavior...
Doesn't mean it's automatic, but be on the alert for Instant mood changes, an ability to justify or rationalize anything THEY want to do...
If they are too involved in 'Self' then I would hesitate to enter a deep relationship with that person.

Look for tell tale signs like,
"I THINK this is 'best'..."
Instead of,
"What Do YOU think about this or that situation"...
If they aren't taking you into confidence, sounding off you for guidance,
Then you are dealing with a person in the relationship that doesn't care about you,
Only what is 'Best' for them at that moment.

2. Older people will engage in 'Purely Physical' relationships because of personality problems, usually low self esteem.
They want someone... Anyone... To tell them they are 'Beautiful' and make them feel 'Wanted',
And if they have to give sex to get that feeling, that's what they will do.

Like when women have endless babies to make sure SOMEONE loves them, even if they have to be 'Mom' to get some of that 'Love'...

Or when people have long term affairs with married people,
They are usually so shallow with low self esteem they can't maintain a full on relationship with some one single in the real world.
It's a combination of not wanting to deal with another person in a full on relationship so they can concentrate on 'Self',
And not having a well enough developed personality to attract someone that actually WILL love them for who they are.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What would you do if you caught the person you're engaged to with someone else???
Posted: 3/24/2010 8:25:39 AM

What would you do if you caught the person you're engaged to with someone else???


Games OVER!
Kicked to the curb faster than you can spit!

Engagement means EXCLUSIVITY!
If it doesn't, that compromises HER!
As a 'Friend', you need to let her know that taking the cheating guy back is giving him license to do this over and over again, further degrading herself.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
 
The Crying Female
Posted: 3/24/2010 8:20:38 AM

I am dating a girl who lives with another guy....I know I know thats ridiculous....Every time I mention to her about making a choice to leave him or stay with him she cry's and gives me this "I'm trying and I Love you please dont leave me" bullshit. What should I do and why does she act like that.


How does that work for you?
If you are just in it for the sex, then it shouldn't be an issue...
Just make sure the one she's living with KNOWS about the 'Other Guy' (that's you)...
And if he's cool with it, then there shouldn't be a problem.

If you don't have enough of a pair to tell him,
Then you shouldn't be in this 'Relationship'.

AND,
If she decides to come over to you...
Then you will be the one getting cheated ON,
Instead of the one she's cheating WITH.
Leopards don't change there spots, and she [u]WILL[/u] cheat on you just like she's cheating on the guy she's living with...

When you get tired of the crying, lying, sloppy seconds, sneaking around and finally grow a pair,
Then go out and get your own woman that isn't as damaged and useless as this one is.

She's co-dependent and insecure, and out looking to scratch what ever 'Itch' happens to strike her at the moment.
That means she has no soul or center, and she will do it with anyone that provides support to her ego or wallet...

If you think you deserve better than that,
Break it off, find someone that will boost you up, not drag you down into this kind of situation again!

Personally, If I were the guy she were living with,
As soon as I found out about this, I would kick her to the curb quicker than you can spit!
I'm much better to myself than to put up with that kind of stuff,
And it's not YOU that he put his trust in... It's her, and once that trust is broken, there is no repairing it.
I wouldn't go after you since you aren't the one that I put the trust in,
Although kicking the crap out of an egg sucking dog will sometimes break them of sucking eggs, most of the time it accomplishes nothing...

If you call this guy 'Friend' and you are doing his girlfriend,
Then neither of you have a soul and you would be perfect for each other.

You are just picking up scraps that fall off someone else's table,
Be a man or be a mouse, the choice is up to you...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Should you still see someone even if they lied to you on the 1st date?
Posted: 3/24/2010 8:04:40 AM
RUN LIKE HELL!

First off, it was outright lying, not a mis-communication about things.
VERY BAD START!

*IF* it were me, and I've been in the same situation,
I'd tell her straight out that she didn't need to lie about ANYTHING. PERIOD!
No 'If, And, Or, or 'Buts' is why you don't care to see her again.

*IF*...
Someone thinks they have to lie about age, kids, babysitter, ect.
Then they KNEW it would be a 'Deal Breaker', why would they proceed?

For me,
Things like not being able to stay off the cell phone is a deal breaker...
It's just plain RUDE to be on the phone talking or texting while I'm expending my time and energy to meet someone,
And I've gotten up, paid the check, and walked out on more than one 'Date' because of the same 'Issues'.

I can understand if the babysitter calls with information,
But to take calls or texts during 'My' time, and especially when we first meet, is a deal breaker.
If my cell is 'Off', and it ALWAYS is when I'm meeting or at dinner, ect.
Then I expect the other party to do the courtesy of doing the same.
If they are too busy to catch lunch, dinner, ect. without a cell phone glued to their face,
Then they are too busy to have a relationship with me.

Lying is a flat out deal breaker.
I don't care about age, weight (within limits), kids (within limits) ect.
If they are so big there are places they can't reach with a wash cloth, then I have a problem!

One woman had 10 kids, including one with downs syndrome that lived with her and always will...
She said NOTHING about kids of any kind on the 4 or 5 phone conversations I had with her...

I had dinner/movie with a 'Project Manager'...
She had grown kids, and that wasn't an issue.
She was about 'Average' for this area, which means overweight... not an issue.
She answered her phone 19 times during dinner and talked to people every time,
She answered her phone 7 times at the movie and we got thrown out!
I didn't get 15 minutes conversation in 4.5 hours of 'Date',

And she called me names and gave me crap when I said I didn't want a second 'Date' because obviously she was too busy for a relationship...
Then I find out the 'Project' she was 'Managing' was a weekend 'Swap Meet'!
('Swap Meet' isn't exactly national defense or human organ transplant logistics!)

Just be AS HONEST about things as you can be,
Weight, Height, Job, Likes/Dislikes, what is or isn't a deal breaker, what you are looking for in a woman/relationship, ect.
And if the 'Applicants' can't do the same...
Well, if you wouldn't hire them to work for you because they lied on an application, then don't continue with the 'Relationship' for the same reasons!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Be more loving?
Posted: 3/24/2010 7:42:24 AM
While it's true you get out of a relationship what you put into it,
There is something to be said for letting the other party have some 'Breathing Room'...

Women like to talk ENDLESSLY about what ever is bothering them.
If 'She' comes home in a bad mood, she lets EVERYONE know about it from slamming the car door, to the back door, to the dog and cat...

If I take time and ask 'What's Up' about 4,000 times
(you always get 'NOTHING!' the first 3,999 times you ask)...
Then usually they will get around to putting it into words and getting it out.

For some reason, women stew on every little slight, actual or perceived, and they want you to DRAG it out of them...

If she comes home happy, I leave her alone, ask how her day was, and it's usually a fairly pleasant (and short!) conversation...
--------------------------------------------------------

With men, it's the other way around...
If they are in a bad mood, they want to think it over, try and figure out a solution, or do something to distract themselves from the issue and deal with it later.
They DO NOT want to 'Talk' about it, they want to think it through without a bunch of crap and hyperbole...

When they are in a good mood, they will be engaging to somewhat quiet & relaxed.
Nothing big going on, no 'Issues', so no reason to be talking about a bunch of crap...
----------------------------------------------------------

*IF*...
You don't know what to do...

Give a back rub, or foot rub if you are brave .
When I'm at a total loss for what's going on, a back rub is ALWAYS a good way to start things out and get people talking...

Relieving physical tension is a good way to let the other party 'Vent',
And it costs you nothing but a little time.
It certainly can't HURT the situation!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Caught her shoplifting
Posted: 3/24/2010 7:23:57 AM
Yup, got to go with the pack...

If she was willing to change price tags in a thrift store,
She was showing her entire outlook on life to you.

VERY cheap lesson!
You leaned it for $1
Kind of like a stripper,
Entire self available for $1 bill.

Run like hell!
Find someone that 'Self' is worth more than $1.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
When to go all the way, 1st date or later???
Posted: 3/24/2010 7:19:42 AM

When to go all the way, 1st date or later???


The title kind of says it all...

First off, are you fully adult, or are you a teenager thinking sex means 'Forever Love'?

Everyone that has never went out with someone, knowing they were in it for sex, stand up and proceed directly to the 'Coming Saints' line...
(I didn't think there would be a stomped to the door! )

If he's 'hot' in your eyes, then you were justified in your feelings.

If he thinks you are 'Hot', then it's mutual... Usually a good thing to be attracted to someone you intend to 'Date'...

If it works out, you are doing really well.
Most of us are here because it didn't work out, and we are looking for something that will.

If it doesn't work out, then you 'Tried' and had a little fun along the way.

Maybe this is a 'Typical Male' view point,
But I don't see anything wrong with sex if both of you are in the 'Mood'...

DO NOT have sex out of a feeling of 'Obligation' for dinner, dates, ect.
If you have those feelings, then go 'Dutch' so you don't owe anyone anything.

If you are genuinely attracted to someone, and later find out he farts in bed,
Brushes the dog's teeth with his (or your!) toothbrush,
Doesn't bathe, Doesn't work, or is just too damn 'needy', then move on...

We are supposed to all be adults here, and sex is part of being a human and an adult.
Don't put so much emphasis on sex, it's just a biological function like eating, breathing, passing gas, ect.

WE DO LIVE IN THE WORLD WITH THINGS LIKE AIDS,
So buy yourself a package of condoms and keep them in your purse!
Nothing to be ashamed of, it's just like keeping your vitamins or insurance card in your purse... Just one more thing to protect YOU in the daily events of life!

If the guy won't wear a condom, then get up and LEAVE!
He may not care about 'Issues' but you should take care of YOUR SELF!
You wouldn't visit a crack house, you wouldn't go barefoot in a blizzard, you wouldn't go bear hunting with a whiffle bat, you wouldn't drive drunk (I HOPE!),
Don't take the chance without a condom!

Otherwise, have fun, meet people, don't be afraid to enjoy yourself, and for crying out loud, don't worry about what 'Others' think...
It's your life, LIVE IT!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:18:36 AM

When both parties are over 45, does chemistry happen immediately, or can it build over time? What do you think?

I believe that as we get older, immediate chemistry might not be as important as we were in our twenties. However, some new friendships just SIZZLE right from the start.


"Chemistry", by definition, IS INSTANTANEOUS, and INVOLUNTARY.

What people call 'Chemistry' is actually a release of brain chemicals (hence the term 'Chemistry') in the brain.
Those chemical compounds/hormones are called 'Endorphins',
And are usually triggered by 'Smell' (Pheromones) or visual stimulus (hot looking guy/girl), and sometime by sound (Voice that just resonates with you)...

Two problems with that right now,

1. As we get older, our hormones/brain chemistry balances, so we don't have that 'Rush' as easily,

2. As you become accustomed to someone, the 'Rush' lessons every time until it's just not there anymore.

So that's why relationships FIZZLE over time when based on primal urges or 'Chemistry'.
That's why some people are like sharks, keep moving for the next 'Rush', or 'die' in a relationship the 'Zip' has gone out of.

These relationships often turn UGLY when the parties replace the 'Rush' of fighting with the 'Rush' of lust or chemistry.

On the other hand, if you have a relationship that is based on trust, common interests, ect.
Like getting to know someone at work before you engage in a relationship,
Usually last MUCH longer than relationships formed in 'Lust' rather than love.

I'm not trying to make any religious or moral points here, the heart wants what the heart wants, and if you want the 'Rush' of 'Chemistry' then by all means, pursue that goal, just don't confuse the two...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
The no-chemistry conversation
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:58:16 AM
"Chemistry" is the process of INFATUATION, not love.

Love is a process by which you 'Mesh' with another person.
You KNOW they are going to make any decision (correct or wrong, but they THINK it's the correct decision for YOU at the time) is going to benefit you, and vice versa.

It's knowing what is going to tickle or Piss Off the other half WAY ahead of time...

'Chemistry' is simply the release of Endorphins in the brain.
Sometimes triggered by Pheromone, sometime by visual stimulus, but just a chemical reaction that will subside with time no matter who you are or how powerful the 'Rush' is right now.

Ever hear someone say,
"No matter how good looking or sexy, someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her crap."

The Endorphins have worn off for that guy, and she isn't 'Pretty', she just looks that way!
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Pornography... How prevalent is it's usage?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:49:54 AM
Every guy/gal has a 'Porno' stash someplace.

Men tend to be more literal about it, keeping everything from underwear/swimsuit catalogs with provocative poses in various states of undress to sex acts in visual format.

Women tend to keep things like 'Romance' novels, CD covers, anything that makes them 'Excited'.

Anyone that says they don't have a 'Porno' stash someplace is lying or crazy...
It's part of the human condition.

With the advent of the internet, if you are paying for porn, you are NUTS!
Lot's of free sources out there, no reason to blow money on something so frivolous and easily obtained for free.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
stood up
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:25:49 AM
His Wife/Girlfriend probably wouldn't let him go out.

Seriously, there are a number of reasons one can't show up, but not calling if it wasn't a medical emergency is inexcusable.

This is NOT the way you want to start a relationship, so I'd move on until you find someone that will treat you like a lady.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 266 (view)
 
And if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:23:02 AM
First of all, we are all adults, and 'Sleeping Together' is a way that adults get to know each other.

If you DO sleep with someone on the first date,
Then don't get mad if it doesn't work out.

You BOTH had a choice, you BOTH agreed, and it didn't work out for what ever reason....
You just have to chalk that up to 'The heart wants what the heart wants' and move on.

I like women, but I'm a somewhat private person, and I get attached very quickly...
There is something to be said for romance, so I usually don't sleep with someone right away,
I get to know them first, and I try to trust them before we are that intimate.

That's just me, every one is different, so you have to decide what is 'RIGHT' for you and accept the consequences if it doesn't turn out the way you intended or wanted...
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Wierd Habit?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:14:59 AM
Not really,
If it's just 'Messaging', and the women aren't serious, just passing time or the 'hello' type messages, then I don't feel guilty unless I'm getting along with one in particular.

Not many get to meeting, and after I meet with one, and she seems like someone to get to know, I suspend my profile until I see what happens....

But as far as just messaging things like 'I like your profile' or 'What's going on where you live' or 'How is your summer going', no I don't feel guilty, just idle conversation to me.
 JeepHammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone that killed your pet?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:01:20 AM
I ran over a girlfriends cat once, felt really bad about it. Wasn't intentional.

As for killing a pet for revenge, better the dog than you!
Sounds like she need some SERIOUS time with law enforcement and a metal health professional!
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 101 (view)
 
He brought his Fanny with him...
Posted: 9/22/2008 9:03:27 AM
Too bad someone as articulate and attractive as you has such a hang up with a piece of clothing!

You should amend your bio to read,
"Must Have Correct Designer Cloths & Must Conform To All Current 'Fashon Trends' To Interest Me"

The idea that you would discard someone that you 'Connected' with,
Someone that could very well be a good husband to you,
And father to your children,
Because he had a 'Fanny Pack' is completely beyond me!!

This isn't a 'Little Shallow',
This is the epitome of 'Shallow'!
This is the very Definition of 'Shallow'!
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Men Dating Over 45...
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:41:54 AM
I probably shouldn't post again, since this thread isn't producing any real answers or finding any like minded people, and just seems to be fodder for abuse from a few people,
...And bewilderment from others...
-------------------------

I was raised by my grandparents.
My grandfather was a WW-I Marine in Europe and carried the Marine corps and 'Country Gentleman Farmer' manners and work ethic, and I learned them from him.

I grew up on the farm with him guiding me, and I left for the Marines at 17 years and one day old. (If there are some people here that remember the '70, There were Americans taken hostage in Iran and the Soviet block had just invaded Afghanistan,
And I was sure we were going to war to get our citizens back, I joined the Marines.)

I still call women 'Miss' or 'Ma'am' (depending on age or wedding ring, or other indicators of marriage) unless they tell me to call them something else specific, like their fist name.
I don't 'Cuss' around women if I can help it.
I don't tell 'Blue' jokes or speak to them in leading or suggestive ways like a lot of guys do.
In 30+ years of dating & relationships, I have never made a woman open her own door ( if she will let me get there first! Some women consider that an insult now)
I still believe it's perfectly proper to pull the chair for a woman at the dinner table.

Respect is not 'Old Fashioned' to me, nor am I stuck in the past with Victorian values even though I exhibit some of the manners of an earlier time.
I'm fairly well read, if not educated, And I understand perfectly the 'Needs' women have in various stages of their lives.

That wasn't the 'Question' or the 'Issue'.

The 'Issue' was if other men had the same 'Urge' (not really a 'Need', more of a 'Want') for a mental connection before engaging in the physical acts?
The answer would be an unequivocal 'NO' in most cases.

Some people seemed to understand what I was asking, but for the most part, the 'Question/Observation' was misunderstood or ridiculed.
--------------------------------------------------

As for the 'Hecklers' and the people that can't seem to grasp the concept or question...

When a woman I know shows interest in me, I usually move pretty slowly towards asking for a 'Date'...
When I do ask, at our ages, we are pretty intent on getting to the 'Point' pretty quickly...
We don't have to spend 6 months trying to talk each others cloths off like we would have done when we were in high school.

And, unlike the 'Hecklers' have portrayed,
You can rule out about every woman that isn't late 30's or older.
I can't imagine why any woman in the teens or 20's would be interested in me! and that isn't the age group/demographic I was speaking about anyway no matter what the 'Hecklers' want to make it into!

You can rule out every woman that isn't interested or doesn't show interest in me specifically.

You can rule out every woman that has a husband, boyfriend, engaged, or is hung up on some guy from their past, since I'm not interested in them.

You can rule out every woman that doesn't have a steady job.
White collar or blue collar is fine, but they MUST be working class.
I'm not interested in 'Welfare' or 'Shut In' women that can't interact with the outside world.
I'm not interested in women that live on alimony, trust funds, ect. that don't have a grasp on how hard earned a dollar is, and how much it should be worth.

The field gets pretty narrow when you consider THEIR tastes and my REQUIREMENTS...
There tastes have to include someone like me, and my requirements have to include someone like them.

And out of that narrow field, I seem to find women that are just much less inhibited about sex. I knew statically this would happen, but I wasn't fully ready for the EXTENT it manifests it's self!

BUT!
Mostly, I'm surprised at my reactions to that manifestation!
I don't know if I'm 'Nostalgic' for an earlier time when I had to peruse a woman for several dates before having sex,
OR,
If my Objectives have changed...
When younger, the 'Objective' was usually to have sex as quickly and as much as possible, and if still interested, get to know the woman between rounds of chasing sex... (Typical Male thing...)

Now my 'Objective' seems to be to actually get to know the woman, and sex is part of the relationship and not the 'End Objective' anymore.

If so, this would explain a lot of failed relationships in the past for me, that when I look back, should have worked out.

Anyway, I should have been smarter than to try to do self exploration on the internet, if even in a half joking manner.

For the serious responders, Sorry to have wasted your time with a thread that went into the toilet.

For the people that didn't understand the question/issue at hand and/or jumped to conclusions, sorry to have wasted your time, I should have been more clear on the issue.
It won't happen again, since I'm now reminded that you can't get any good advice from the internet.

For the 'Hecklers', better you waste time here jumping all over the place, jumping up and down on rants, racking your brains trying to come up with insults that don't apply to the situation, ect,
Than out meddling in someone's Issues/threads that the poster would actually take your 'Advice' or worry about what you actually think about any situation.
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Men Dating Over 45...
Posted: 9/19/2008 1:40:07 PM
ANYWAY...

I guess what I'm trying to say is,
There is plenty of 'Lead In The Pencil' if I feel connected to the person,
But now that *I* require the 'Connection', it seems that women are much more prone to offer sex right away.

I was wondering if it were common, but I guess it's not very common since not very many people can grasp the concept...
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
date rape drugs
Posted: 9/18/2008 12:48:07 PM
If you think you have been drugged, (and it's MUCH more common than you think!)
IMMEDIATELY tell a friend or call 911 for an ambulance!

The OP was very lucky that the bartender took care of her! You can't count on that every time, but if you don't have friends with you, and you don't have a cell phone or can't make yourself understood, TELL THE BARTENDER YOU NEED HELP!

If you EVER travel outside of the country, especially to the islands or third world countries, make sure YOU open the bottle or watch it opened!

NEVER take a drink delivered by anyone but the bartender, and that includes wait staff.

NEVER resume drinking out of an open container drink after you have been away from the table! (dancing, bathroom, whatever)
ORDER FRESH DRINKS!

I do a lot of Scuba Diving out of the country, and I can tell you that MEN are targets as much as women outside of the US, and if you think it's just money they are after, guess again!
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Determining the First Meet
Posted: 9/18/2008 12:40:43 PM
Nope! Chat it up here first, then give them an email/chat service that isn't connected to your address or home phone number....
You don't know WHAT kind of kooks are out there!

Be honest, go slow, and DO NOT DO ANYTHING YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH!!!
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Men Dating Over 45...
Posted: 9/18/2008 12:33:55 PM
[quote=libby333]I can't speak to the kind of women you are encountering. I would have to guess that it's in a bar and/or drinking situation. I can't see a woman "throwing her legs up in the air" who isn't getting paid to do so. My guess is it's probably related to something that's "fogging up" her rational thinking. That, or you need to hang out at higher caliber places.

Libby, I hope you are getting good exercise with all that jumping to conclusions and passing judgment on my experiences you are doing!

I don't do bars, I've never 'Paid' anyone for sex, and I never will, and as for the 'Caliber' of women I'm discussing, that would be professional women from banks, reality companies, court house workers, the usual people you would meet in a business day about anyone my age really, and all of them consider themselves 'Good Cristian Women'....
They just seem to have 'Urges' that women in their early 20's didn't posses...
And since I'm not judgmental, I'm not crapping on them for having said urges, I'm just wondering why it seems to ME that I have to connect

That was the point of the conversation you missed!
------------------------------------------

As for the rest of you, you may have a point, it may be me slowing down, while some women get 'Revved Up' later in life...
I guess Ben Franklin was right! Maybe a young man does need an older women to teach him everything from manners and grace under pressure on to how to satisfy a woman...


I'm not having trouble with sex, I'm just wanting more of a connection before we go that route...
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Incorporating healthy new man into abused child family.
Posted: 9/18/2008 12:16:36 PM
First and foremost, She, and the Children, NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP!
I work with battered & abused women here, and their kids through a mentor program, and there simply is NO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING!

There are Two things you have to remember here...

1. If you get them to go to counseling, mom and kids, you will still need to sit her and the kids down at the same time, and explain to them if abuse ever happens again, they are to report it to 'Mom' and the school nurse IMMEDIATELY.

This will give 'Mom' some genuine feeling of security if you tell the kids this with her right there, with her present.
Take charge, they need an authority figure right now, some one they can lean on and draw strength from.

2. If you start counseling with them, you will have to STAY in the counseling even if the relationship breaks up! (and it probably will, she will eventually take the rage and frustration out on someone, and if you are the closest, you WILL be the target...)

If you start counseling and become the 'Normal Anchor' for the kids, you will have to remain that 'Anchor' until they are fully adults and can make the decisions on their own.
If you recoil or retract your feelings and guidance from them, they will collapse, I've seen it before!

You will also have to be firm, but uber gentle when you give guidance to the kids, they are sensitive to the abuse now also...
You will see tons of frustration, outbursts, giving up on things before they give anything a chance...
You will physically have to put their hands on things to get things done and to teach them anything... Even raking the yard is going to be frustrating and challenging for them.

We used to call this 'Shell Shock', now they call it PTSD, but it's the same thing, fear that little transgressions will bring severe penalties or abuse...
SO!
When someone screws up, just say, "Kids will be kids, and no sense in getting mad, because you can't put sh!t back in a donkey!" and move on, give them the tools to cope with a small set back or failure and move on with life!
-----------------------

'Mom' will be more difficult, she REALLY needs some mind and body training, along with the counseling.
I suggest in depth womens self defense classes... Not martial arts, but something like Tai-Chi that improves the breathing, concentration, balance, gives physical exercise, and encourages meditation along with learning how to defend one's self from attack.

I've seen the self defense classes them selves (something I help teach now) do wonders for the woman's self esteem and self image. It's very empowering.
Along with counseling she might even have a chance at a semi normal life.
-------------------------

You should be aware that if you take on the roll of Protectorate, guardian, lay counselor, and general crutch right now without the counseling, you have no chance at all of any kind of normal future with this woman, and she will probably screw you up in the process...

Professional counseling is the ONLY way her or the kids have at a 'Normal' life, and I'd have to say, after seeing more of these relationships crash than I care to think about, you are going to get damaged if you don't encourage and expedite the counseling.
This REALLY bleeds over on you more than you think!
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Affair with a married co-worker.
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:51:57 AM
I don't know a kind or mild way to put this...
Affairs with Married people are STUPID.
Affairs with Co-Workers are STUPID.

Haven't you ever heard the axiom "Don't crap where you eat?"
Well, having an affair is doing EXACTLY that...

Consider what your 'Work Environment' will be like after the affair is over.

Since you are 10 years younger, maybe you are young enough to start over someplace else, and maybe you are young enough to get some self respect back after you have this 'Affair' with someone else's wife.

The old adage of 'What goes Around.... Comes Around'.
(What will your wife be doing 10 years from now?)
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How did I get on a religon site?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:38:34 AM
Why would anyone waste time with an outdated concept like religion?
Religion still swears we aren't animals evolved with a mating instinct and sex drive to propagate the species...
Seems a little arcane to drag up superstition on a threads that is basically about biology.

(Seeing as the point of this forum is sex, not religion...)
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Expensive Dating services
Posted: 9/17/2008 11:13:07 AM
Have you heard about the expensive dating service that if you don't find a 'Match' in the first 6 months, will send someone to 'Date' you...
The idea is to keep you paying for the 'Service', not to actually match you up with someone...

In my opinion,
You would be MUCH better off spending your money and time in some community service group where you could meet 'REAL' people and have Real interactions.
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/17/2008 11:09:53 AM
I Don't have an answer for you, but I can tell you that everyone I've had the most 'Fun' with (not sex) was about 'Half A Bubble Off Level' as the old saying goes!

One girl liked to go to the river and throw rocks at fish!
She had no chance at all of actually HITTING any of the fish we saw with a rock, but she had a great time, laughing, telling jokes, listening to the radio, skipping rocks across the river, just generally goofing off... A lost art in todays 'Society'...

Another one wanted me to go with her to pick up trash along side the highway.
We did so.
We got some exercise, fresh air, helped the environment (if ever so slightly) and we had a chance to talk outside of a stiff, structured formal environment with a bunch of artificial rules and distractions. We didn't 'Click' but it was a nice day, and I found someone that has been a true friend for several years now.

One woman wanted to take me for a ride on her 'Hog'...
Now, I didn't tell her I build race cars and race bikes for a living, and that her motorcycle would probably fit in the cylinders of my bike...
She was very nice about things, but I don't like riding back seat to anyone!
(and it took a while for my friends to quit razzing me about it...)


Personally I would hate the idea that someone knew ahead of time they werent really interested in me but they just wanted to go out on a date tonight.


My point is, Connections are where you find them.
Even though someone might not look appealing on a bio page on the internet, they might have traits you can't assess until you meet them...
And if you DON'T MEET THEM!....
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Men Dating Over 45...
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:56:00 AM
I was trying to be as polite about it as I could...

What I'm talking about is women that pretty much throw legs in the air right away, to be blunt about it...

When I was in high school, that was the 'Holy Grail'.
When I was in my early 20's, they were rare, but there were a few.
When I was in my late 20's/early 30's, first date sex, or even sex before a formal date was pretty common, and it was fun since I really wasn't looking to settle down just then and there.
Usually after two or three dates things would get serious enough to lead to some form of sex...

Mid 30's/Late 30's it wasn't fun anymore, and I pretty much met a steady supply...
Were I worked especially, married, single, engaged, divorced, you name it.
A lot of guys will hit a supply closet, do it in the car on lunch break, or go home with someone after a single drink after work, and I never thought it was a good idea to have sex with anyone you worked with!

Now that I'm in my 40's, it's even worse, no prompting what so ever... I have no idea how they get the idea that I'm even remotely interested in them sexually.
I chat with women a lot at work and other places, I really 'Like' women as a species, but I'm wondering why women 'Loosen Up' as they get older?
AND,
What triggers the attraction where they would offer sex but not want to talk about their view point on things .... First....

I'm a pretty average male, and I'm a farmer from a small town, so I'm not likely to figure this out by myself, so if any of you folks can shed some light on this subject, I'd really like to hear your opinion...
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How to be unforgettable and irresistable in bed..?
Posted: 9/16/2008 6:04:57 PM
I feel stupid, I need an explanation of,

8. Menthol cough drops

------------------------

Anyway, the easiest way to 'Rock Someones World' is to just pay total attention to them during the date BEFORE the sex...
Be PRESENT, be NOW, Be attentive...
What humans call 'Sex' is in the brain, not in the crotch.
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Am I really this stupid??
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:58:02 PM
You wouldn't want to have a date with me then...
I'm former military, and I'm a country boy that is a hunter and outdoorsman.

I'm always looking around, watching something, and assessing everything on a second by second basis.
I never look at anything for very long, and I watch people constantly.
While in hostile territory (and dates are often perceived as 'Hostile') one should never allow 'Tunnel Vision'.
Some of us have an over blown version of 'Fight/Flee' instinct.
In some cases like mine, it's called 'PTSD' or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder', or what the old timers call 'Shell Shock'...
---------------------------------------------------

*IF* your guy is very young, and never been in the military, it's is natural mating instinct that is making him look at other women. Children need structure to build character, and the very young don't have any character yet.
You should leave 'Boys' alone until they are mature enough to carry on an adult relationship.

If your guy is in his 20's and has never been in the military, then he doesn't have a very good upbringing or he wouldn't be that rude.
Since he refuses to grow up, you should pass on him and move on to someone a little more disciplined that is in his natural arc toward being a full adult.

As for your self esteem. ...
That is yours to give. He can't damage it if you don't give him the power to do so.
If you realize that he is immature and doesn't know who he is yet, then you will realize that if he has no clue who he is, He can't make any kind of valid assessment of who you are or what you are about.

Sounds like you need to take up martial arts, or something that will build mind and body together... You are what you do, so if you do the right thing, then you are the 'Right' person!
 jeephammer
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Men Dating Over 45...
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:38:30 PM
Used to be, men had to take flowers to the woman, pursue her, take her out, wine and dine her....
Now they have to buy ME flowers!

It seems like the longer I'm in the dating pool, the more of a 'Connection' I need to get wound up about someone new... Anyone else feel that way?

I don't mind it when I'm invited in for the evening, but now I seem to need more Mental Preparation than I used to...
Haven't had to do the 'Viagra' route yet, but I often just don't feel the connection, and I'm old enough now I'm not hormone driven, so it's not a 'Compulsion' like it used to be...

I don't want to sound whiny or weepy about things!
So I'll ask for opinions before it gets that far!
 
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