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 Author Thread: La Isla Bonita anybody?
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
La Isla Bonita anybody?
Posted: 3/25/2013 2:51:17 AM
In fact, the truth is that "La Isla Bonita" is a fake island made specifically for the video shoot of Madonna. It is located off the coast of Colombia using drug money from the drug lords of the region. It is made of plastic bottles and then filled with sand on top and also planted palm trees. Millions of dollars was spent on the project. Madonna has reportedly said that she wants to retire on the tiny island of La Isla Bonita. The island has been neglected for some time and suffers from severe erosion. Scientists say that the plastic bottles are all breaking down and soon the island will sink in approximately 2 years time. A small tour company from Colombia called "La Isla Bonita Tours" has said that if the Colombian government doesn't put any more money into repairing the fake island, it will sink as well as the only tourist attraction to Colombia - La ISLA BONITAAAAAAAAA
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Group Skiing Trip
Posted: 3/25/2013 2:47:36 AM
Sounds fantastic!
Lets do this ski trip right now !
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Lyrics that strike to the core
Posted: 3/25/2013 2:46:05 AM
You come on with the come ons
You don't fight fair
That's ok ! See if I care !
Knock me down it's all in vain ....
I get-right-back-on-my-feet agaiiiiiiin
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Lyrics that strike to the core
Posted: 3/14/2013 12:14:06 AM
You're my LADYYYYYY....
OF the morningggg .....
Sunlight ....
In your eyes ....
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
La Isla Bonita anybody?
Posted: 3/6/2013 12:25:57 AM
"Teh ii hope eh yammo ....
I pray that the days would last
they went so fast ...."
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
La Isla Bonita anybody?
Posted: 2/21/2013 11:10:08 PM
"Last nite I dreamt of some bagels ...."
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/8/2013 5:25:31 AM
Thanks Lightning and Mrwrong. I do feel pretty bad about the whole situation. She was a girl who i fell deeply with, mainly because she created a situation where she tried to become addictive, for the purposes of marriage and finance as the hidden motive. I thought at the start that what she was offering was love and connection but as it turned out she was really after someone who could provide for her, so she could selfishly take periods of unemployment with ease while a man supported her. Then she had the nerve to state that she stood for gender equality. To cut a long story short I almost went broke trying to cater for her whims, then she had the audacity to claim that I was too high strung in my "whims" to ask her to do quite minor things such as act the couple at bbqs and family functions, and of course be available on the phone as I was to her every single day. She was only a couple of years younger than me (34) and was really attractive. She misguidingly told me that she wasnt after children at all as she had a hysterectomy, however did want to adopt children in 10 years time and put pressure on me to sign a written agreement to adopt children and pay any child support should we divorce after marriage. I got concerned about her marriage plans when she kept contact with her plan b's (ex partners) and when she told me she didnt want to use my family name, should she happen to file for divorce. When I questioned her on these things, she cried. The sadness she portrayed in the form of "pity play" is actually a common manipulative emotional tactic used by most sociopaths but I only realized this afterwards and I feel like an idiot because of it. She really had me under her thumb and I'm angry that it ended in a cold way when I was trying to help her. While trying to comfort her with emotional support, her sadness quickly turned into anger and rage and she then she accused me of "smothering" her with emotional support and accused me of being a "controlling" person. Its all very confusing and despite her sociopathic and horrible behaviour I feel like something wonderful may have passed me by but as always, there are new women out there hopefully. Judging by some of the comments here, most of the women below 30 seem to be immature or dont know what they want. Its a pity. And as I said earlier I'm not looking for children as I believe it is financially irresponsible when I dont have the finances to raise children in a way that would be deemed "the provider", when its hard enough just keeping jobs and supporting myself, let alone any girlfriend. Yes, sometimes its not all about the dollar. Its about love, feelings, mutual respect and honesty. Unfortunately everyone these days has the opportunisitic sense to ask "what can i get out of this person" instead of asking "what are the true vowes of marriage and what can I do to be a better person in the eyes of the lord (if they believe in religion) and what can I do to fully understand what love means or how to embrace a person for love alone, not finance - not child raising - not mortgages and not endless shopping trips and agreements to open joint bank accounts. I never and will never ever seek to marry and accountant or a gold digger for that matter as there is NO GOLD here except for a golden heart.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 2:12:51 AM
I am really upset. 30s was always said to be the new dawn but really its just a reality check as everyone seems to be:

(1) Getting married
(2) Having kids
(3) Entering into home loans/financial agreements.

Is it a "lucky escape" that I -

(1) Have not met a woman who will settle down
(2) Have no plans for kids and probably never will
(3) No financial agreements have been entered

I've got no idea.
I just feel like I'm drifting on an endless ocean
and the one girl that I did have a chance with is
now gone and probably wont come back either.

Any advice appreciated
Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 11/8/2012 1:14:54 AM
A strange situation - thats for sure.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/2/2012 5:20:36 PM
Daysleeper.
Thank you for your great advice. Well, i "almost" believed that her behaviour was something common that was found in the 30s age bracket. Thanks for steering me on the right course.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Will I ever heal?
Posted: 10/31/2012 7:22:16 AM
I am very sad to read your story. There are many people who are manipulators of other people, both male and female. I suggest you read up on "sociopaths", in particular refer to Donna Anderson's "Love Fraud" website. It may bring up some answers to help you with your closure if find it hard to make sense of the whole event. Not saying he was a sociopath, however upon closer reading you may find that he may have had some common characteristics with a sociopath and therefore you can make up your own mind and hopefully get some more closure. Taking the police to pick up his posessions is an EXTREME move. I doubt many "normal" people would do this unless they felt extremely threatned or knew that a fight could ensue. Hope this advice helps. Cheers, Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
The feeling of loss that comes after heartbreak...
Posted: 10/31/2012 4:25:22 AM
Slider,
I know EXACTLY what you mean. Its just a horrible feeling of emptiness, loss and betrayal. You feel "robbed" of future events that you reasonably believed were rightfully yours *and hers* to nuture and encourage. Its just shocking. I know the feeling exactly. I too am going though a shocking breakup with no closure. There's nothing you can do man. Just take a sit back and try to work out in your head the events that led up to the fiasco. A good way is to keep a note book and write down quotes or events that happened during your relationship and try to piece together the puzzle. Theres a show on tv called aircrash investigations and they always say this very wise quote as follows - "An accident always has a CHAIN of events". So you need to work out that chain of events and hopefully this will bring you somewhere closer to the dream of closure and moving on. Hope this helps, Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
How songs provoke our thoughts ....
Posted: 10/30/2012 4:58:22 PM
Re: " You like Foreigner?? You're kidding me?"

In this day and age of Justin Bieber and petty commercial pop the depths of
talent and likes of Foreigner will NEVER be seen again.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Dating is over after you turn 30!
Posted: 10/29/2012 6:15:31 AM
Yes sadly "ageism" exists in our society. Unfortunately people can be so superficial and see dating potential partners the same way as they would look at "shelf life" duration at a supermarket. (ie: sort out the fresh produce from those that are past their "use-by date" ). I know it may sound really cruel, but unfortunately in this day and age when girls (and guys) are constantly on their mobile phones texting away and looking for quick fixes and having short attention spans this is the way society is heading. So what to do if you are past your "use-by date"? A lot of people would probably say "rot" .... but i prefer the term "RE-CYCLE" . New experiences CAN be created if we look deep within ourselves and remove our pysche away from the "shelf life" methodology that sadly exists in modern dating. Re-use, re-plenish , Re-cycle ! That is the KEY to solving this puzzle. Its all about re-defining our expectations, weeding out those who are superficial and going straight to the CORE of what we want in ourselves and our potential dates. People may strive for QUALITY (physical) but has anyone thought about MENTAL quality? What happens when we all get old and grey .... only MENTAL QUALITY will then see us through and provide us with a SUSTAINABLE, re-cycable relationship that is never boring or bound to physical limitations. Thats my 2 cents worth anyway.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
cheater
Posted: 10/29/2012 3:17:19 AM
Consider it lucky to be in any type of relationship, no matter if its "on and off". And least there is some continuity which (for better or worse) gives each side some hope that things MAY work out. In my case i was cut off cold and never to be communicated with again. Some people like to have clean breaks, but i would happily trade your situation for mine anyday since at least there is some hope that things may get better.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 5:40:54 PM
Red - You are right about that. You need mental input as well as the physical attraction. My ex was just like that but she played it too much to her advantage as she would openly flirt with other guys in front of my face, telling me that i should be "lucky to have her" etc etc. But what she was really doing was attention seeking and picking up other men on another date by asking for phone numbers etc. At the start it was very alluring and i developed an intense attraction for her based on her confidence but in the end it became quite abusive. Since then I've been looking for a women who is more moderate but unforuntately that comes with a price as well, the "spark" just isnt there. But I guess thats life. I really miss my ex because just like you said, if a woman thinks she is sexy and pronounces it, she is EVEN more attractive than the most pretty girl who is insecure. I agree exactly with what you are saying but there is a point where that over confidence can become quite abusive and unless you are really emotionally strong, its hard to keep those types of women without tearing your hair out of insecurities which develop through excessive flirting and making you feel like you're always trying to fight to keep her. Cheers, Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 6:49:17 AM
Hi, I've done a bit of research through internet articles about the
30s age bracket. The common theme I have noticed is that "20s are all about
fun and games" and in comparison people in their 30s desire "security,
wealth creation and families". My question is this - Is this really true?
In my own experience, I met a 34 year old woman who was unable to
have children due to cervical operations yet she still placed incredibily
high expectations on adopting children and also even discussing retirement
options (which I found extremely odd). To cut a long story short, I pledged to
marry her as per her wishes and MY wishes, but then as time went on the expectations
on finance and "spoiling" her with the "finer things in life" (her own words)
became the central focus of the relationship.

Unfortunately it seems quite common for people to want these things in the 30s age bracket. I know that it is reality and people are getting older and want security but im sad that a lot of people see it this way. Or again - is this just reality? It seems that options are limited because of what people perceive the 30s to be. Needless to say, I told my ex that I could not proceed with marriage and as punishment she cut me off and demanded that I cut all ties even though I had my future planned with her. The 30's age theme is expressed in her own words simply - "a man who appreciates the finer things in life, can spoil his woman and treat her like his princess, is ready to settle down, manage joint finances, purchase property and give me time to meet new people".... is this REALLY what the 30's is all about? Surely we can all still explore a bit and see who is best for us without going straight into marriage and finance? Any reflections on this would be appreciated. Cheers, Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Ready to give up
Posted: 10/28/2012 6:37:48 AM
you are 24 ... thats so young. Just enjoy yourself. If "nothing is happening" you have to tell yourself you are OK with that. And once you are OK with "nothing happening" everything will happen in an avalanche. Thats because I was in the same situation when I was your age. Once you learn to accept your situation say to yourself - (even if you dont agree with it) "I will be happy with nothing happening in the next 5 years". Once you say that your mind is then at rest and people are more easily available and approach you because you LOOK like you are happy with your life, and you APPEAR to be comfortable with your state of mind. People often are attracted to those who they think "have it all together". Just be happy wiht nothing happening, take a breath and enjoy the experience because sometimes "no news is GOOD news" as they say. Even if you hate it and you dont agree, SOMETHING will happen if you accept NOTHING is happening as a good thing.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Closure - The Letter I Will Never Send
Posted: 10/23/2012 6:17:45 PM
I was in a similar situation to you. Its better to say "oh well" (if they dont reply to your final letter) than "what if" if you never sent it. Sure, rejection hurts but so does someone putting a lid on you and basically rendering you silent and just to AGREE with what THEY want. Remember - "silence speaks a thousand words" and can be a harrowing time in your life IF someone else has imposed silent treatment on you. In my case, I got cut off quite severely by my ex gf. She had no heart. She just cut me off, similar to that song "somebody that i used to know" by Gotye. What did I do? I waited a few weeks. I was in a lot of emotional pain and despite people telling me otherwise, the silence HURT and I was not getting better with time. Infact I was getting more confused, more distressed and losing sleep. I sent the letter. Got whatever I had off my chest. I didnt get a reply but I know she got it (registered mail) and that was my closure. I said what I wanted to say. I "disrespected" her and I felt better because i was NOT silenced. I infact had the "last say". This is only a suggestion, but in your situation i would consider this.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Not sure how to move on
Posted: 10/22/2012 2:51:36 AM
What i would suggest you do, is write down every thought and feeling that you have. The resentment. The loss. The pain. The confusion. The contradictions etc etc. Then as quotes come to your head of things that she said but then did another thing that made it all go upside down - write down these quotes. Write down these events. What you are doing is putting them down on paper so your mind can MOVE ON. And the thoughts you had will always be on that paper which therefore gives more room inside your mind to focus on NEW things. A lot of people criticize about putting things down in writing but what you are actually doing is building head space for yourself and your sanity. Buy two exercize books today and get the pen on the paper and hopefully that will be the first start to moving on.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How songs provoke our thoughts ....
Posted: 10/18/2012 7:42:32 AM
You know, I was listening to that 80s masterpiece the other day by Foreigner which is called "I want to know what love is". I listened to every word of the song trying to make some sense of its storyline and meaning. From what i can understand it basically tells the story of a heartbroken shattered love seeker who has gone over every hurdle and beyond to find love, acceptance and genuine connection. Its something that I can identify with but given the song is nearly as old as myself it probably came at the wrong time, yet remains relevant to today's society where divorce rates are nearly at 55% or more. In this day and age, with fast performance targets, technological precision and generally short attention spans of the forever texting public I wonder about this song and its message. What exactly is "love"? Is it translated as "love you long time" or "luv u txt u l8tr". I know this is a wildly broad topic but I would be interested to hear on anyones reflections. Also, have a listen to the song and tell me what your reflection of love is in the context of the song so we are on a similar wavelength. Cheers, Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
30s - youth and prime ?
Posted: 10/18/2012 7:36:21 AM
Iwannaknowu ...... thank you for your fantastic thought provoking comment. Yes what you say is "true" - a professional athelete will often retire at, before or around the age of 35 which based on factual and statistical information confirms the "reality" that our "prime" is indeed up to 35. While this topic is subjective, I think you've basically answered the question quite accurately.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Dating is over after you turn 30!
Posted: 10/16/2012 6:10:12 PM
Ive been dating a lot and i'm about to go onto 35. Look for women closer to your age. If you "get lucky" with a younger girl, it is commonly viewed by society that you are a "cradle snatcher". Just REDUCE your expectations, look for women your own age or a bit above (because there are many out there) and you will see your luck improve.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Lost the illusion
Posted: 10/16/2012 3:56:02 PM
What can you do? Heartbreak is terrible. In my case, it feels like I am "drifting". It feels like I have been told to walk the plank and now I am drifting aimlessly on the ocean with nothing to hold onto. In these situations all you have is yourself. Be thankful that you are in life. Rejoice and focus on life instead. What other things are there to do? And just bear in mind that one day,no matter how long it takes, the raft you are clinging on to will eventually reach the shore.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
30s - youth and prime ?
Posted: 10/14/2012 8:47:40 PM
I have often been told by many that the "prime" of our lives
and the "last bastion of youth" is in our 30s. It is also a common view
in society that couples in relationships around this time are seeking "secuirity, consistency etc etc" as widely reported.

More importantly is the "prime of our lives" always evolving
or is this just wishful thinking? This is a very subjective
topic and I'm sure there will be a range of answers on this.
I would be interested to know what readers think (as a snapshot of
society) on what they consider to be "youthful" and whether there
is any hope for people in their 30s to consider this as the last
decade to truly live out any "last frontier" of youth? What exactly
SHOULD (according to soceity) we be "doing" in our 30s? Raising kids?
Paying off homes? .... is what we are "expected to do" by society merely misguided stigma?
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Hickville songs for a broken heart .....
Posted: 10/14/2012 8:37:30 PM
"Playin' wid the queen of hearts !
Knowin' it aint really smart !
Joker aint the only fooool ...
Who'll do anything for you"

"Dont you ever ask them why ...
If they told you, you might cry ...
So just look at them and sigh ...
And know they love you"

"Don't tell my heart .
My achy breaky heart.
I just dont think you'd understand"

"No more will you cry ...
Honey I will hurt you never ...
Start and end as one ...."

"For all the girls who've shared my life ...
Who now are someone else's wives"
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is friendship really that difficult?
Posted: 10/13/2012 4:03:20 PM
Muted Enthusiasm and Motown ...

Thank you VERY MUCH for your comprehensive comments.
I am starting to realize that possibly you are right. This is all about
dating. This is all about romantic liasons. This site is NOT about friendship.
This site is NOT about people with time on their hands to have a friendship.
This site is about a man and a woman who get together and go straight for it.
Maybe what I was trying to say is there any degree of "moderation" in starting
off a relationship from online dating? And with reference to Cowboy's comments,
yes I agree - no man wants to be seen as the "gay friend" and I wholeheartedly
agree with that comment but I also think that if people hook up and then are left
shattered then what is the point of going straight for it when all it would take is
for people to start off as friends with the intention of being friends and see where
it goes from there. Moderation over excess. Patience over expediation.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Hi
Posted: 10/13/2012 6:46:46 AM
Great question. Yes you are right it does not leave any opportunity for a conversation starter. Why not be outlandish and say something like "Greetings Madam, how goes it?". I honestly have no logical answer to your question but it is a sad reflection of how society has become.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Is friendship really that difficult?
Posted: 10/13/2012 5:20:25 AM
Getting to know somebody takes time, right??
So my question to women is why do so many girls have this
"all or nothing" approach to dating which excludes any
possibility of friendship first? I understand that the
biological clock or other valid reasons may have something to
do with this - but wouldnt it be wiser and safer to start off as friends?
Since my well documented split I have met a few women from
dating sites who have shunned the option of being just friends.
To quote one said quite clearly - "Not friends. Lovers Only".
The song "how can we be lovers if we can't be friends" by Michael Bolton
rings true on this issue. It would be interesting to hear back any advice on
this topic. Thank You, Stan
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Lost the love of my life
Posted: 10/11/2012 6:03:17 AM
Two lessons you have learned here as follows:

(1) What goes around comes around.

(2) It takes two to tango.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Lyrics that strike to the core
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:10:13 PM
Its a heartache ...
Nothing but a heartache ...
Gets you when its too late ...
Gets you when you're downnnn ...

This mountain I must climb ...
Feels like the world on my shoulders ...
Through the clouds I see love shine ...
It keeps me warm as life grows colder ...

I really need you tonight ...
Forevers gonna start tonight ....
Your love is like a shadow over me all of the time ...
I dont know what to do, I'm always in the dark ...

Now your gonna go down in flames,
Just like Jesse James.....

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me ..
I was wrong ... and I just cant live without you ...

Keep smiling. keep shining , knowin you can always count on me
for sure, thats what friends are for

If ever your in my arms again, this time I'll love you much better.
This time will never ennnnnnd ....

Wherevvvvver you are ....
I believe that my heart will go onnnnnnn

I decided long ago,
Never to walk in anyones shadow ...

Over and over again, I try to tell myself that we,
could never be more than friends ... but all the while
inside I knew it was real, the way you make me feel

Tonight, our spirits will be climbing ....
To a sky filled up with diamonds ....

Wherever I lay my hat,
thats my home ....

Your a real tough cookie with a long history
Of breaking little hearts like the one in me

You stepped,
Into my life from a bad dream...
Making my life what it had seem ...
Suddenly shiny and new ....
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Leaving on bad terms
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:59:50 PM
If people could just communicate there would be no heartbreak. A simple "hello how are you?" followed by the reply "Good thanks and you?". But unfortunately, spite, scorn, ill -will and grudges get in the way, leading to punishing and punitive behaviours. And we call ourselves adults lol
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Straight to the point questions for women ....
Posted: 10/5/2012 8:15:18 AM
Thanks for the replies. Got some interesting answers there. Its also interesting why people are so defensive? The questions start off with "whilst personality is important, what about these 3 specific things and so on" .... There is no agenda behind this. This is simply 3 specific questions on attire, financial compatability and what women find attractive in men looks wise. I understand that there are a huge variance in answers here but that is what makes it interesting.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
La Isla Bonita anybody?
Posted: 10/5/2012 3:31:27 AM
Hi, you've probably heard of this island before - "La Isla Bonita".
I want to know where it is, and perhaps if it does not exist, where do you
think it is? If so, I'm defintely going to plan a trip there. The reason is
because I have been enchanted by the words of a song that were written
in honour of La Isla Bonita - "Tropical the island breeze, all of mother nature
to see, this is where I long to be - La Isla Bonita"
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Straight to the point questions for women ....
Posted: 10/5/2012 3:15:05 AM
Ok, we all know that personality is a huge factor in relationships
but I want a woman to answer these 3 to the point questions.
If the answers are N/A then please state that. Just be honest please!

(1) What do women want physically in a man?
(2) What level of "financial stability" should a man have?
(3) What is "appropriate dress" for a man to attract women?

I look forward to seeing your answers!
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
feeling lost
Posted: 9/30/2012 6:38:09 AM
The thing you have to keep in mind with internet dating is that it doesnt matter if you are dealing with a male or female - if you internet relationship FAILS ... then the other side has at least 50 or so more people in "in the pipeline" who are waiting to have dates. Unfortunately that is just the way it is. "Keep your options open" is what I hear all the time. What can you do? Just trust in good people.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Now it's a problem?!?
Posted: 9/29/2012 9:16:58 PM
Sounds like he didnt get his way and hes trying to hurt in anyway he can. Hes probably jealous and trying anything out of desperation. I dont think he means those words, hes just doing anything to hurt so he can "get one back". Its schoolyard immaturity.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
The bitter ex
Posted: 9/28/2012 4:20:02 PM
Theres a lot of gold diggers out there. I too was the victim of one. But when I stopped giving her what she wanted and cancelled restaurants and hotels *which I always paid for* she exposed her TRUE self. She said to me quite frankly - "Finding you was like finding Fools Gold" ..... well that explained everything I thought so I dumped her. Then she came back crying and I made the unfortunate mistake of allowing her back in my life as a friend. She then dumped me ... oh well ... what can we do? Nothing really .... and just like the case with your ex she will also go out and find another willing victim and that other guy will be pressured in the same way. Gold diggers - who needs them?
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Fear of an Ex
Posted: 9/28/2012 8:23:01 AM
I too have been going through a very similar thing. Have not had any contact with my ex for over 6 months now. Its difficult to say who "ended it" because I initiated the breakup and then in the end she broke up with me once I gave her a second chance. All part of her game I guess you could say. What I must stress to you though is no matter how hard it is to let go, DO NOT break the no contact cycle .... and secondly do not chase. That includes chasing that she may not see (ie: looking at her profile etc etc). You must make an effort to erase her memory out of your mind. While there is no off and on button for emotions, you need to put all photos in a box or folder and refrain from looking at them. A good way to get thoughts out of your mind is to keep a record of them. Write them down in a notebook. If you remember quotes she said which help you understand the situation better. Take each quote and write it down in the notebook. This will get your thoughts onto paper and unstead of struggling to remember them, you can FORGET them out of your mind but still have them on paper as a record, should you need to go and research the situation years down the track . And lets hope it doesnt bug you in years to come but just like you I dont know when these thoughts will go either .... it may take months, it may take years. With the coming of every new year is a milestone and should be celebrated. And the more distant you become, the more SHE will think you have MOVED ON ... (if she does think about you). I am sure the dumper still thinks about the dumpee .... no matter how hard they try to masquerade and say they are over it. A woman can hold a grudge just as a man can .... "beware of the scorned" is a common quote.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Why is it easier for women to move on
Posted: 9/28/2012 5:09:19 AM
i got dumped but i initated the dumping by telling her I just wanted to be friends , 1 month before I was dumped. So what is going on? Can anyone please tell me? I guess she dumped me but does that mean shes got "1 up on me" and why does this always have to turn out in some kind of cruel power game?
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
really depressed...
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:50:41 PM
Renegade I draw your attention to the lyrics of a great song by the band Foreigner. I was going through the same situation as you back in 2011 . First you have to accept that its OK if "nothing happens". Then once you are OK with nothing happening, EVERYTHING will happen in an avalanche - the lyrics are as follows : = "This mountain I must climb, feels like the world upon my shoulders. Through the clouds I see love shine, it keeps me warm as life grows colder".
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Didnt we almost have it all?
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:44:54 PM
Carolanne i think you are spot on. Definetely wedding envy or maybe it was just a rebound relationship to get back at her ex. Im not sure. But with all these comments I think I need to seriously put it all behind me.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Water leak issue
Posted: 9/25/2012 6:32:11 PM
I suggest you contact the water mains provider to cut off water supply to your house then switch to water tanks which may take couple of days to install (using mains water during construction phase). Once using tank water then consider your options and the cost of those options. Just a suggestion. May not be the most common route but it should help particularly if there are high costs and dramas associated with re-installation.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Bored in Tampa
Posted: 9/25/2012 5:34:00 PM
If you are bored go to Burger King or McDonalds and chat up the waiting staff and customers. You never know, there may be a "dime" in a "dozen" :)
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The best white choc rocky road ever!
Posted: 9/25/2012 5:02:38 AM
This sounds fantastic. white chocolate - my favourite! ... one little extra touch would be to add haribo gummy bears to the mix .... that would really make it ultra awesome. Cheers
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Indifferent, torn, and venting
Posted: 9/25/2012 4:52:44 AM
The "No contact" policy is perhaps the worst policy of all.
Without communication - what is a relationship?
I've been dealt this hand of cards before and just like you, I'm stuggling
to work out why, when, how, what if etc etc . There is NO closure with no contact.
And people will always say "time heals all wounds" and some people will tell you
that no contact is the only way. If it was as simple as a phone conversation to say
"im sorry but things arent working out for the following reasons (a), (b),(c),(d)" then
closure would be so much more graspable. And even if you still have feelings for her
and believe this will all be back "on" again, hold your breath because it sounds like its
on the rocks to me. Demand an explanation. Demand to be heard.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Didnt we almost have it all?
Posted: 9/25/2012 12:39:33 AM
Hang on Carol I told her that I would marry her. I was very enthusiastic about the wedding. The only problem was the pace at which she was moving at. I had barely known her more than 5 months and she was already buying wedding decorations and even wanted to start a joint bank account. She gave me mixed messages. On one hand she was pressuring me to organize wedding venues and buy rings but on the other hand she was increasing contact with ex partners and on the search for new male friends on the side. It came to a crossroads and I simply asked her the question if I should be her partner or her friend considering the amount of time she was using to search for male company. I dont think I was unreasonable at all and I was defintely not after a party or cruise. I was in it for the long haul.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Group Skiing Trip
Posted: 9/24/2012 5:55:39 PM
I dont have a lot of advice to offer but it sounds like a great trip. I would love to go to the Dolomites in Italy one day. Only a bigginer skier here so im probably dreaming. Cheers.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Didnt we almost have it all?
Posted: 9/24/2012 5:03:57 PM
You guys are fantastic. Thank you so much one and all for your brilliant replies. Was it romance? I think it was. Was it "tainted love" - i am SURE it was. Unfortunately, she was always pressuring me for an engagement ring (which she herself selected on the internet). When I didnt propose on her sister's wedding cruise I think she got "cold feet" and then spent much of her time trying to track down ex boyfriends. In the end, I told her that if she spends so much time with her male friends then I might as well just be a friend. I wasnt dumping her, but she took it as rejection and from that point onwards it was almost impossible to win her back. She'd made up her mind and was quite sinister about it, organizing dates behind my back with other men and confiding in ex partners over arguments I had with her. In the end we gave friendship a try for a month. She co-erced me to buy her perfume and take her out to glitzy restaurants thinking that I had a chance. Then a few days later she cut me off cold with just an email stating NO MORE CONTACT. I was devastated but what can I do? I tried to make things work .... I tried to be there for her .... but it wasnt good enough ... and as the song goes - didnt we almost have it all? Im probably better off without her considering all your well thought out comments. I'm glad to get another more rational perspective. Cheers, Stan.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Stan's Tuna Spaghetti
Posted: 9/24/2012 4:55:59 PM
Just to correct you, I HAVE cooked this tuna spaghetti. I cook it almost every week. Brown onion is a type of onion found in the pilbarra region of Australia. Im sorry if you dont have it where you are. You can use any type of onion really. In the world there are approximately 400 types of gormet variety onions, mainly from South America.
 
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