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 Author Thread: You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
 Drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 50 (view)
 
You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
Posted: 10/21/2017 12:46:38 PM
I think it's very very important to consult a family law lawyer before you make any of these decisions. Many people live together and then are shocked when, upon separation, their ex common law partner is entitled to half of all the assets which were accumulated during the time they lived together. Different geographical areas have different requirements too.

Living together is a legal and economic decision, not just a romantic one, as is marriage. Do your homework first. Consult a lawyer.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
People that say very little about themselves ...
Posted: 2/16/2013 8:47:06 PM
My view is that the person either doesn't have a strong sense of self, or can't be bothered putting in the thought and effort it takes to write a detailed profile. I immediately have a strong negative reaction to someone who gives almost no information. That's my own feeling about this issue but perhaps others feel differently. Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 72 (view)
 
What to do ?
Posted: 10/7/2012 8:14:15 PM
No one is "punishing" you. Women who know a man is newly separated are usually wise enough to comprehend that he is not ready to develop a new relationship. For your part, you have a lot of hurt and anger at the breakup of your marriage. You also perceive it as 100% your wife's fault, yet you must have played some part in the separation too.

I suggest that you go to a psychotherapist and spend a year or two working on your feelings about the end of your marriage. Only then will you be ready to start a new relationship. Otherwise, you will jump into something new and find there are the same problems you had in your marriage.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Awkward Dates.
Posted: 10/7/2012 8:01:19 PM
I think that you should consider replacing your photo. Your photo shows you in an outfit which is inappropriate, I think, far too much cleavage showing. Many confident men would be put off by a photo like that. What the photo says to me is that you are insecure about what you have to offer as a person. Perhaps it's time to work on your self-confidence.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Please help - Did I do something wrong?
Posted: 9/17/2012 4:49:03 PM
You seem to be overly anxious to develop a relationship without weighting information each time. Did you expect that your date would speak to you every day? Extremely unrealistic given you have only seen each other twice. You need to adjust your expectations of other people. Otherwise, you may demonstrate a flavour of desperation which will drive off nice men.

J.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Dealing with a liar
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:25:40 PM
Go to a therapist to work out your issues with men. Otherwise, you will keep setting up these limited, destructive relationships.

judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 86 (view)
 
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:24:41 PM
They don't have a real relationship, just sending messages and talking on the phone. If I were you, I wouldn't make any commitment to anyone in a romantic realm, until I knew the person a few months.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
religous differences in a relationship...Do u think it will work?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:23:25 PM
These differences will make things much more difficult but can be worked out, if the two of you truly have enough in common to be together. Are you willing to give up the approval of both sets of parents, because you may never get it.

If you are "avoiding" talking about the issue, you won't be able to work out some compromises. The situation will be more difficult if you have children, so discuss now how you will raise them, with one or both faiths?
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Should relationships be work?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:21:22 PM
Relationships should have a flow to them, an ease to them. Of course you have to work at a relationship, but if it involves constant struggle and too much work, then the relationship isn't a good one for a long-term commitment.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 165 (view)
 
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:18:26 PM
I think that you misunderstand what a "red flag" means. It is a sign that someone has a problem or issue which will cause problems in a long-term relationship, e.g. smoking too much marijuana or always being in debt.

I think you are being overly judgmental in labelling someone as having "a red flag" just because he stopped calling you and did not pursue the relationship. Perhaps he just found a quality in you which did not mesh with what he is looking for in a romantic relationship. That does not mean there is something wrong or negative about either of you, just that you don't fit his relationship needs.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Is seeking therapy to deal with being dumped a sign of weakness?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:15:56 PM
Therapy is a valid and very helpful venue to begin to solve the relationship issues you are experiencing with men. If your sister doesn't accept this as valid, don't discuss it further with her. She is not knowledgeable about this at all.

Often people who make fun of people who are in therapy are afraid of something, perhaps their own issues.

Seeking therapy is a sign of emotional maturity, not weakness.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Girlfriends break-up with me because I want kids and they don't
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:13:20 PM
In any early dating relationship, one or both parties can come across an issue which is what I call "a deal-breaker", meaning that one decides the relationship isn't for you. That's part of the dating process. It's important for you to weight this issue of having kids, too. You wouldn't be happy with someone who did not want kids, anyway.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Too nervous for a first date
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:10:53 PM
It would be helpful for you to go to long-term counselling to assist you in improving your self-esteem. That's the only thing that will help you move forward in terms of your "shyness" problem.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 140 (view)
 
POF horror story
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:09:53 PM
Assist her in finding a women's shelter in your city. All cities have them. She may be one of those people who go from one crisis/disaster to another. In any case, desperation and discomfort is no way to start any new relationship.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 159 (view)
 
The Other Woman
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:08:11 PM
Dating a married man is a disaster and unethical. They all say they're miserable and will leave. That's the party line.

He sounds like a man who is not independent enough to separate and live on his own. It's a lie that he's staying because of his daughter. She would be far better off with separated parents who don't live a lie of a marriage which is a con game.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:06:12 PM
When you first send a message to someone, advise them of your dating philosophy, that you like to speak to someone for an hour or so before you meet them. Also that if you spend an hour on the phone and don't feel comfortable, you will advise him and not meet with him in person. That will chase off people who are needy and demanding, as a rule.

If you are always getting these types of communications from men, you must be doing something to attract them.

Is your photo blatantly sexy? Are your comments too inviting sexually?

Set your limits up front and others will have to fit into them.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 135 (view)
 
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:03:34 PM
I think it's important not to spend a lot of time messaging or talking to someone before you meet in person. The reason for that is you build up a fantasy of someone which proves not to be true at all.

I think there were likely clues which you did not see. Think back and see if you can find then. Then, look harder next time.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Illness and timing? Put in Profile or only when you start chatting?
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:59:12 PM
A serious illness is a very personal issue. I wouldn't share that type or personal information until you know someone for a while. Aggressively presenting this immediately will turn a lot of people off and scare them with your inappropriate revealing of personal information.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Something is wrong.
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:57:53 PM
It would be helpful for you to go to a therapist, to figure out what is going wrong in terms of your relationships with women. Since this has been a longstanding issue, you must be turning off people somehow, perhaps in ways you don't even know.

Judith
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Are The Rules Different in the Internet Age?
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:56:30 PM
I find that if you ask someone a direct question about whether or not he/she is seeing others, most people will admit to the truth. You have to overcome the fear of asking this type of direct question.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
I dont know what to do...
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:54:58 PM
Behaviour says a lot more, in a truthful way, than words do. Her long absences indicate lack of interest. Listen to them.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:53:31 PM
You are allowing someone to use you to get a free ride financially. Give her a deadline in writing and ask her to move out.

This woman has no interest in your whatsoever. Some therapy would be of benefit to you, to assist you in sorting out why you hang on to someone who is so destructive to you.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Relationship help
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:51:30 PM
Why would you even want to spend any time with someone who lies and is untrustworthy?

It seems to me that you need to develop into a more independent person rather than hanging on to someone unsuitable.

Perhaps you should consider some long-term therapy to look at this issue.
 
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