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 Author Thread: Googling someone before meeting them: ethical or not?
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Googling someone before meeting them: ethical or not?
Posted: 4/5/2010 10:54:04 PM
Being an IT professional, I can tell you that Google can be VERY effective at finding information on people. I'm wary of doing it because I have more experience forming useful Google searches than most people.

If you just know someone's name, you are probably never going to find anything about them(depending on the rarity of the name). On the other hand, if you know their username on this site, their list of interests(especially their favorite interest), and possibly an e-mail address in addition to their name, it's very possible to find all sorts of things on the internet that people don't want found.

I think the average person would be very surprised what a detailed search of them comes up with. In the past when I've tried it I've come up with things like: A list of all of their friends, pictures of them going back 10 or 20 years, online journals, lists of sports teams people have been on, etc, etc.

All that being said, I put stuff on the internet all the time. You can probably find out more about me by doing a Google search than you can most people. I don't expect people to refrain from Googling me. When I posted the information on the internet, I expected people to read it. There is bad stuff about me out there, just like there is on everyone else. I can only expect that if people find it that they give me the benefit of the doubt and get to know me anyways. I find it's easier to just not have secrets.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Friday July 3 - BAJA BEACH CLUB - The Forks
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:20:09 PM
It was good sitting nearby you. I would have said hi, but I was kind of in the middle of a conversation and then it was time to go.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Friday June 26 - BAJA BEACH CLUB - The Forks
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:32:43 PM
Yeah. I'm at Finns now. Come join me. :)
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Friday June 26 - BAJA BEACH CLUB - The Forks
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:21:56 PM
I'll probably drop by, but it'll be around 4 pm and I'll likely have to leave around 6:30, so I won't be there late. Unfortunately, I work at 7 pm.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Talk Like A Pirate Day
Posted: 9/11/2008 7:02:46 AM
Yeah, the Arrogant Worms version is better, IMHO. Captain Tractor got their fame from singing the song, however, so most people know their version.

Oh, and I can't wait until Talk Like a Pirate Day. It is my favorite holiday. Arrr!
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Guys, Do Any of You Mean it When You Say Good Female Frienships are Important to You?
Posted: 9/1/2008 11:55:00 PM
I admit that I've been pretty bad at being friends with women. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I just don't have much in common with most women so I have difficulty considering them friends.

And when I do have things in common with them, I have a habit of seeing all of the good things about them. So much so that I start falling for them.

The only time I've ever been able to have really close female friends is when I'm already in a relationship.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Alone Time
Posted: 8/27/2008 11:08:37 PM

Last comment wasn't aimed at any one person, just a general feeling I got from this thread. Not sure if you took it that way or not.

No need to worry, I just felt I had a response to it, that's all.



c) they've been in a relationship where the needs & friends of the other person completely overtake their own, and they're scared of getting close to anything near that position

I've seen this a lot. I met someone once who said their last relationship was ruined entirely because they spent too much time with each other. I wasn't sure if they ACTUALLY spent too much time together or if they just enjoyed spending that much time together at the time and regretted it later because it made the breakup so much harder. I think that it was the latter. They avoid spending too much time together with someone because it means they can stay detached for the inevitable breakup.


On the other hand, I have a couple friends who don't do ANYTHING with others after they both met someone (we're talking 8 months/14 months, here). I wouldn't call that healthy. A preference for your SO is understandable, but completely cutting off contact with others isn't healthy for oneself *nor* the SO.

I think cutting off other people entirely is absolutely harmful. I've always been a big fan of hanging out with both groups of friends(hers and mine) as a couple. It means we can spend time together AND maintain our friendships.

The problems I've had in the past were with people who insisted on keeping their friends and hobbies completely separate from me. Claiming that they needed their own life. I've always been one who believed that the goal of any long term relationship was eventually to find a happy melding of both lives.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Alone Time
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:29:07 PM

Perhaps if someone has been burned or is in a grumpy mood, they assume the inverse of independence is dependence (instead of interdependence), or the inverse of interdependence is aloofness or selfishness (instead of independence).

True. I'm not trying to paint people with a broad brush. I've met a lot of people who were independent. I have no problem with that at all. It's healthy. I'm just saying that I've met a lot of people who use the word "independent" as a shield to prevent anyone from actually getting close to them(and then complain that they've been single too long). But I rarely hear anyone else talk about these people. Reading the message boards it seems that anyone who lets people get close to them easily and quickly is "needy", "desperate", and "dependent". Anyone who agrees to go on a date then refuses to pin down even one day to go for 4 months straight(due to being "busy") is simply a healthy, independent person with a full life who sticks up to their ideals and won't turn their life upside down for some stranger they met.

It all has just seemed a little one sided to me. One figures that at some point you have to make SOME changes in order to actually meet new people and get to know them.

I know that in my case, I've always assumed that as a relationship progresses both people just enjoy spending time with each other enough that they naturally prefer to spend their Friday nights with the other person instead of with their friends. So far, my experience has been that other people do not believe this is true. Which is difficult for me to wrap my head around.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Alone Time
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:33:28 PM
It probably doesn't hurt that the number of times I've needed to reschedule stuff to make room for a date was...maybe once or twice ever.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Alone Time
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:26:16 PM
Well, it depends what the plans are. I mean, I avoid canceling plans. But if they aren't important then there will be other days. I mostly make plans with the same small group of friends every week. I sometimes see the same people 3 or 4 days a week. If I miss one of them, none of us care. We likely reschedule it for the next day anyways. I wouldn't cancel at the last moment, that's rude. I wouldn't cancel even one day in advance. Two days and I'd think about it for sure. I try to rearrange things so that I get to spend the most time with the most number of people. If I know that Matt has Friday off and so does Dave and Jim, then I'll schedule stuff with them that day. If I know they all have Saturday off and a date comes up for Friday, I'll call them all and ask them all if I can move it to Saturday and hopefully everyone can do that. If not, well, I'll try to reschedule the date. If nothing can be worked out and it's either lose a chance to get to know someone or lose out on one of 4 activities we do that week...well, one is slightly more important. And it isn't my friends.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Alone Time
Posted: 8/21/2008 11:11:33 AM

Self centred? Why because she's not spending every waking moment with you, just because you want her too? She had a life before you came along and there is no reason why that life should cease to exist once you hit the scene.
Given the opportunity, you could have been an important part of her life and someone she would be willing to put more time away for. But just because you date for a few weeks/months, doesn't put you that high on the priority scale.
So the women that told you that your dependency was a problem, were right.
If any one (male/female) dumps the friends/family/hobbies that they had in order to appease a partner, they need as much help as the partner who asked them to do it.

Yeah, I certainly think of relations in a different way than most other people, it seems.

Why is this such a problem? My friend/hobbies change all the time(can't change family, whether you like it or not. Heh.) based on my whims. I get bored of some people and don't call them for months on end. I get bored of doing some things and either stop doing them altogether or do them once a year when they used to be every day. Life changes. That's one of the only constants in the universe.

I wouldn't change things in my life for no good reason at all. Some person I don't give a crap about...sure, they are going to only get my free time in between all the people I care more for. But that's the point of dating. I like them as more than a friend. I don't date people that I like less than my friends.

It's always been about priorities to me. I enjoy way more activities and have way more friends than I could possibly do or hang out with in one week. Some things ALWAYS get moved aside for others. Watching TV will get put aside if I have friends ask me to do something. Doing things with some of my friends will get put aside if some friends that I like more call me up instead(and it heavily depends what each group of friends wants to do, the one that wants to do the more fun activity wins). Doing stuff with my friends gets put aside during holidays when I spend time with my family instead. Work is a priority as well, and doing stuff with friends OR family takes a back seat to work when I'm scheduled to work.

The point is that if I decide not to go to a movie with my friends this Friday even though I do so almost every friday and instead go on a date, I don't need help because of it. But I've "dumped my friends and hobbies in order to appease a (possible) partner". To me, its just a matter of: I'd rather go on a date than watch yet another movie with the same friends I see multiple times a week. They won't care. The next time I have a day off where I'm not on a date, I'll likely be seeing them again.

When I examine my life, I simply know that there are certain portions of it that wouldn't be able to exist in a stable and happy relationship. I can do everything I can now because of how much free time I have. But I believe relationships take hard work and sacrifice in order to succeed. There are certain hobbies I have that are my least favorite ones that would likely be forgotten as I'd much rather spend the days I currently spend doing that with a woman that cared about me. I currently do things almost every day during a week. Without putting SOMETHING aside, I'd never see someone new. I certainly wouldn't have time to have a real relationship without putting a couple of things aside(not gone, just less often).

The people I keep running into don't believe that, however. They believe that going to a movie with their friends for the third time this week surely takes precedence over some guy they love. After all, if he loved them back, he'd accept anything they did. I'm of the opposing view. To me, if I love someone, they are the most important thing in my entire world. I likely wouldn't cancel the trip to the movies. But they'd be invited. 100%. To me, NOT inviting someone I cared about that much seems like a foreign concept.

I believe that a large number of people get so hung up on the concept that they will "never change for anyone" and that they "need their personal space" or their "alone time" that they won't make any time available for a possible partner. And at the beginning, when you are just getting to know each other is especially when you need to make the time and effort. And when people come and go, they simply blame the other person. Because it's never their fault. It was unreasonable for someone to ask them to change anything at all. Other people are needy, clingy, and dependent. All bad things, of course. And they are "independent", "well rounded", "have a full life". All good things. They certainly aren't "self centered", "inflexible", "uncaring".

The final way I decide these things is simple. In 20 years, on any given Friday, would I rather be going to another movie with the same friends I've been doing that with for 40 years or would I rather be sharing an intimate meal with someone I love and have been married to for 15 years. I'd much rather the later. So my priorities are such that I will do whatever it is gets me to that goal over more mundane things that will be forgotten in 20 years. It's a risk. They might be so bad that I never want to speak to them again and I would have much rather gone to that movie. But it's a risk I am willing to take if it gets where I want to be in life.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
real curious as to what the hang up on weed is with some peeps
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:37:48 AM
For me it's simple. I don't drink...at all. I don't do drugs...at all. I like having fun, but most of my fun is of the intellectual kind. I've tried having conversations with people who were high or drunk or both. They were not capable of holding intelligent conversations when they were like that.

I've never understood the appeal of any substance that regressed your mentality to that of a 12 year old.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
What are your online dating rules / protocols?
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:26:47 AM
1. Be upfront and honest with the other person. You are both putting your neck out and risking a lot by posted a profile on sites like this. Don't risk confusion in what you'd hope would be the long term outcome of the date. I pretty much tell everyone that I'm looking for an eventual long term relationship.

2. Answer as quickly as possible. Don't leave the other person hanging for weeks on end without an explanation.

3. Concentrate on only one person at a time. Once I have a date with someone, I will not schedule dates with any more people until after I've had that date. And if it goes well, I will continue to avoid scheduling any more dates with anyone else until it either works out or ends. I hate feeling like I'm simply one of 20 people they are going on dates with. I won't do that to other people, either.

4. Move as quickly as possible to meeting in person. It has been my experience that no amount of sending e-mails back and forth or talking on MSN really prepares you for the other person. My time is valuable. This is related to point 3. If I'm only going to concentrate on one person at a time, then I don't want to wait 3 months to meet them in person only to find out that I don't like them at all. I have an attitude of "Either I'm in something completely or I'm not in it at all."

5. Give everyone a chance. Even if it appears we have nothing in common and we are completely wrong for each other, might as well give them a chance. People surprise you and I've gotten along really well with some people I thought it would never happen with. If it doesn't work out, then no big deal. But at least I know I didn't write someone off.

6. Try to talk in real time: either MSN or on the phone. This one is just a rule for me. I'm really bad at writing letters, I never know what to say. I work better by reacting to things said by other people. I really feed off of off the cuff conversation and improvisation.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Alone Time
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:11:29 AM
I may be weird in that I'm someone who can't stand a lot of alone time. I like a day or two here and there, but not very often. When I get off of work, I'm normally either on my way to someone's house because I planned something in advance or I'm calling people as I'm driving home to try to make plans for the night to avoid sitting at home by myself.

I've actually had the opposite problem. I keep running into women who are too "independent". It isn't a matter of introverted vs extroverted, however. A lot of them were extroverted, just very self centered. They called themselves "independent". The idea was that everything in their life was more important than I was. Their friends were so important that nothing could ever make them reschedule or cancel plans with them. Their family was so important that they must be visited every weekend. Their hobbies were so important that none of them could be missed, and were "personal" so I was not allowed to join in.

Any attempt to convince them that in order to be dating that you actually had to see the other person on a semi-regular basis ended with them complaining that I was trying to take away their independence and that they needed "alone time". Almost always followed by a lecture on the fact that being "dependent" was a psychological problem and really bad for you. Along with a discussion about how they often only had 1 day every two weeks in which they could possibly do something with the person they were dating and that any guy who was worthwhile would be happy that they were putting aside so much time for them.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Seven reasons to date a Geek
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:39:16 PM
I feel the world is in need of some geek love. It looks like it's too long since people have been reminded of these benefits. So, I will have to bring this topic back up.

Any geeks out there want to show their pride?
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Share Some Relationship Advice .......
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:31:36 AM
I probably don't have any useful advice to give. However, I find that the Barenaked Ladies always give good advice. So I offer theirs:

Maybe Katie
By Barenaked Ladies

What's so maybe about
What's so maybe about
What's so maybe about Katie?

What's the use in hesitating?
Can't you see that Katie's waiting?
Just because her youth is fading
Doesn't mean that she's not worth dating

I don't know what the fuss is all about
Just take it slow
It's not like you can't live without her
To and fro
If you've got a shred of doubt then it's not worth it

Can't you see her with her arms wide open
She's everything that you've been hoping for
Forever's not so long, stop moping
She's got a daughter and you're just not coping.

Do you know everyone you ever swore you'd love for life
I don't know them anymore
I know their names
I'd recognize them on the street and I don't love them
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
 
What should you be doing right now?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:22:23 PM
Supposed to be writing right now. Deadline for my first draft is due...yesterday. Just not in the mood to write. Not enough sleep. So, I'm going to bed instead.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers -Starting May 20!!!!
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:42:50 PM
You forgot one:

How do you make Zamrod's brains come out his ears? ;)
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers -Starting May 20!!!!
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:15:58 PM
This still happening? I have today free and will probably come down.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Do you know what you've lost when its gone?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:49:29 AM
I know I've been incapable of being friends with people after dating in the past. I think it is because once I've lost something, then all I see when I look into their eyes is what I've lost rather than what remains. Then again, for me, I figure friends are a dime a dozen. I meet new people all the time who become my friend for a while then leave and I never talk to them again. Whereas, finding love happens very rarely. So, I'm one of those people who wants to hold on to it with ever fiber of his being when I find it. Even when the other person may not feel that way. I find it is easier to not have any contact with them than be reminded of what I lost every day. Your millage may vary, but it has worked for me.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Camping?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:43:22 AM
I am camping at the International Peace Gardens this year, in a couple of weeks from now. Should be a lot of fun. I'll be meeting some of my American friends there and spending some time together.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
If you get added to someone's favorites, does this say to you that they are interested?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:55:34 AM

Some people will add me to their favorites, yet never send an e-mail to me. I find that VERY annoying.

There's probably at least a couple of people on my favorites list I haven't contacted. Like other people, I use it to bookmark people when I do searches. I end up reading through someone's profile and deciding that overall they sound pretty interesting.

Although, I'm normally browsing through profiles late at night with no sleep. That's not very conducive to writing a good opening e-mail. So, I add them as a favorite and make a note to send them a message when I'm awake and can thing of something interesting to say.

Then, the next time I log on also happens to be late at night when I'm tired. So, I don't send a message then. Some people, unfortunately, have been a victim of this perpetual process for a while.

If anyone is reading this and this includes you: I'm sorry, I really do mean to send you an e-mail eventually.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Smoking Teachers
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:33:54 AM

My way of thinking is similar to your's edjoecdn. Someone's smoking habit is no different than an eating habit, religious belief or lifestyle. Once we allow someone else to dictate what should be our choice....Well what did people go to war for in the first place?

I think the main difference is that bad eating habits MIGHT influence other people if they decide to start eating the same way you do. However, smoking does influence other people in that being nearby it causes health risks.

That's the key in most of these smoking debates. Whether I agree with all the decisions or not, they are all based on the idea that in the same way we wouldn't let people wander the streets poisoning the drinks of everyone they passed, we don't want people smoking in enclosed public spaces.

It is just NOT the same at all as religious belief or lifestyle. They generally don't harm other people. And when they do, THEY become against the law as well.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
First 'meeting' do's and don'ts-what are yours?
Posted: 6/4/2008 3:37:02 PM

Actually, I don't think anyone said you had to get dolled up to go to Tim's. But if you're going to show up in sweats and a dirty shirt, don't expect anyone to stay too long.
I hardly see where this comes down to control. Do you not want your girl to look nice for you? Do you not like it when she combs her hair or wears a bit of perfume? Don't tell me no, or I'll call you a liar. If these woman had said that the man they are meeting for the first time had to wear something specific, as in a 3 pc suit, I could understand where your thought process is going. But since they didn't...

Of course, you aren't going to believe me, but I seriously prefer people to be themselves without TRYING to "look good" or "smell good". I'd much rather walk into a room when I meet someone for the first time and see them dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with no perfume than dressed in a nice dress with makeup and perfume on.

For me, it's a matter of being comfortable. I feel more comfortable around down to earth people who seem like they could be this way all of the time. They have to be approachable. When I see someone dressed up or someone who appears to have spent that extra time looking good I begin to wonder if they feel the need to do that all the time.

Then again, I like to make plans on the fly a lot. I had some female friends back in high school who used to make this impossible. I'd call all my friends up in order to meet in 30 minutes to watch a movie at my house and the bunch of them would all turn me down because they were not able to leave their house without taking another shower, putting on makeup and perfume. The process took at least an hour, so they'd need at least 90 minutes of warning in order to do anything.

I'm much more of a: "I showered this morning, my clothes aren't dirty and don't have holes in them, let's go" sort of person.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
worst rejection line
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:59:15 PM
Let's see:

"Sure."
That once was great, took 3 weeks of trying to find a time that she wasn't busy before she told me she had a boyfriend already and didn't have the heart to tell me.

"I'm too much of a hermit."
Still don't get that one.

"I'm only in the country for 2 more months, I don't want to get involved with anyone."
Might not have been so bad, had a friend of mine not decided that if she turned me down that it was a perfect time to ask her out...and she said yes. He in currently in Scotland visiting her.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Do the dudes enjoy recieving flowers?
Posted: 5/27/2008 1:39:41 PM

As for preffering a useful gift...I feel the same way, which is why I never thought of sending flowers to a man..but there is something sweet about recieving them, isn't there?

True, there is. I mean, I would appreciate ANYTHING given to me if it was heartfelt. I'm just likely to put the flowers somewhere afterwords and forget about them. If I was given an IPod, I'd proceed to use it to listen to music with it every day for years...;) I could just appreciate it longer. :)
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Do the dudes enjoy recieving flowers?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:29:19 AM
I can only speak for myself...but I'm going to have to say...no.

Then again, I'm all about practical things. If someone is going to give me something, it better be something I can use.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers -Starting May 20!!!!
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:05:07 AM

Zamrod stated "Perhaps I'll have to attend a different event" and I passed the information on to him

Ahh, I knew it had to be about me somehow. Everything is...at least in some way. *grin*

Unfortunately, that one is out as well. My work schedule sucks. I'll keep watching the boards, though.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Friday May 23 - BAJA BEACH CLUB - The Forks
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:57:28 AM
I would like to finally attend an event sometime, but my work schedule kind of sucks. Today is the last time I'll have a Friday off for another month...and I got off work at 7 am...so I believe I'll choose sleep now. Night everyone, have a good time.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:41:47 PM

I think the forums are here so people can vent, don’t take any of it too seriously.

And, seriously, I don't. It's just that, like anything, being around so much negativity for a long period of time starts to wear down my defenses against such things. No big deal.

I just like to complain about stuff. It's in my nature. ;)
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers -Starting May 20!!!!
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:38:16 PM
You know, I really should look at the dates before saying I'd like to come something. It's Tuesday, and at the moment, I have plans to get together with friends every Tuesday. Perhaps I'll have to attend a different event. Would have liked to have come though.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:58:24 AM
[QUOTE]Forums make you feel bad about yourself,,,ok fishy come here and let me enlighten you just a bit on the power of that statement...
remember these lil words "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me".............................is true to!!![/QUOTE]
Wow....I've never seen some many words that meant absolutely nothing together in one post.

Seriously, the only reason the forums make me feel bad is because they are filled with people saying "I don't ever want to date anyone ever again...I'm just here for the forums." I work out the math in my head and realize if the percentage of posters who say that(and seriously mean it rather than it being a tactic to get people to like them with the whole "You never find someone while you are looking philosophy") is anywhere close to the percentage of women who believe that...then these are dark days for finding a date.

Plus, it may just be me but when I read that other people expect the man to pay for everything on the first 3 or 4 dates and how if a man makes any mistakes whatsoever, he should never be responded to again...yeah, it sometimes makes the search look hopeless. Forgive my lack of faith every now and then. It comes back.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers -Starting May 20!!!!
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:45:25 AM
Wow...I'd think about coming sometime...but it appears my trivia-fu is weak as I would have gotten 0 out of 3 on those questions.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 402 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:38:31 AM
I think, despite being here a long time and making a number of posts I've never actually introduced myself.

Hi, my name is Chris and I'm 29. I am a computer geek. My home has too many gadgets and too many wires. ;) But it is capable of doing so many cool things.

I know way too much trivia information and it tends to come out at the wrong moments.

I think my life has become a little too stale and I would like to meet some new people and do some new things.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Why did you choose your name ?
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:58:34 AM
My name has been my nickname since I was a kid. My friend and I, when we were 15 were playing some game in my backyard, don't even remember what it was. We were both supposed to pick our names in the game.

He had just been telling me that he was reading the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and loved the name Zaphod Beeblebrox, because he was the best character in the book(his words). I thought the name was so cool. So when he said we should pick names I wanted that one. He said it was too late, he had already picked it.

So...I decided to be....Za...m...rod..... Since it sounded a lot like Zaphod without being the same. Mainly, I just made up some letters.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 345 (view)
 
Special if given a chance
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:54:35 AM
"Upside Down"
by Barenaked Ladies
(To be fair, it seems to mostly summarize the people I MEET in life rather than my own life...but still...)

"I'm not surprised it's come to this
Sooner or later there must be another's kiss
Behind that kiss a promise of a life of bliss
Yeah, great
I won't be takin' the bait
I'd rather drown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down"
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
The Eternal Optimist/Pessimist
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:43:41 AM
I'm certainly a relationship optimist. I feel you can't go into a relationship as a pessimist as it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. As soon as you believe relationships don't work or can't work then they won't.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
If you saw someone you recognized from here
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:37:50 AM
Apparently, I found out the answer to this question:

Get embarrassed that I only knew their nick and decided not to yell out their nick in a crowded location in order to get their attention. Then send them a message on the list afterwords telling them I saw them but didn't say anything.

Not the most impressive display under pressure. ;) I blame it on being in a big rush and being 20 minutes late for meeting some other people.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Does LOVE exist...or do we just want it to so bad?
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:45:17 AM
I seriously believe love exists. I believe that a lot of people have lost faith in it. Which is fairly easy to do.

I think that love is a lot like religion. It requires a lot of belief in it for it to work. Those who don't believe in it won't experience it(and this is coming from someone who doesn't believe in religion).

And because of that, it DOES require that certain things remain unsaid to avoid shaking the foundation of it.

I think, deep down...everyone wants someone who will accept them and love them completely. Normally that means the comfort that someone out there is thinking about you and wants you to be happy. As well as the stability of knowing that you won't feel alone in the future as they will always be there for you. It also gives you an outlet for showing the love you have inside of yourself.

If I was to define love it would consist of a couple of parts:

a) Happiness - There is a desire to know that at least some of the bad feelings you can have in life(loneliness, feeling unwanted, feeling out of place) can be partially to entirely negated by having someone around to reinforce the idea that you aren't unwanted and someone will be there for you.

b) Fitting in - I think at least a portion of it is societal, in that people don't like to be "the single one" at events and the like. There are too many events that pretty much expect couples to come to them.

c) Stability - Knowing there is someone there who is willing to cover you during the bad times, perhaps financially, perhaps emotional support. It helps to know that they understand what you are going through since they've been there for a lot of it without having to explain it to them.

d) An Outlet - A lot of people have the desire to do nice things for people, sometimes over the top nice things. In our culture it can be socially unacceptable to do these sorts of things for people you aren't dating or romantically involved with. Plus, some people need to discuss personal topics and they like having someone around they know who will listen.

e) Activity Partner - (this one may just be me, as I hear a lot of other people arguing against it) It's good to have someone around who likes to do the same things you like to do. Even better if they already live with you so you save all the time of calling them up and asking them to come over..;)
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:16:32 PM

It 's an entertainment site and why do we assume the goal is always DATIN?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I assume the goal is dating by reading the front page of the site. It says:

Plentyoffish.com is Social Dating

3. Social Dating is all about giving you tools you need to help YOU find someone.

Plentyoffish is now the largest online dating site in the world, and it's still run out of my apartment. We are 100% Free and have the highest quality members of any dating site.

Now, it just might be me, but wondering why everyone thinks it's about dating is about the same as standing in an icecream store and wondering why they don't sell steak.

I understand that some people might have dropped by here looking for dating and then gave up the search and stuck around anyway because they met some friends here. I know that some other people stumbled upon the site and decided to check it out despite not wanting a date and ended up seeing something in the forums they just had to reply to. I know a bunch of other people have fallen for the old "You'll never meet someone while you are looking" line and therefore have a profile here and are looking but will post saying they aren't just so they don't seem desperate.

Either way, to answer the original question, I am here looking to meet someone. I'm honest with myself and others about that. I figure it is a lot better than wasting time playing the "I'm not looking for anyone" game.

As for why this site? I like the entire idea that you can skip through a lot of the randomness of dating in the real work. In real life, you tend to be limited to dating only those people you happen to run into. Meanwhile, there might be someone better for you out there who sits at home most of the time or is always out with their friends and you'd never meet them the normal way.

I like the idea that you can cut directly through a lot of bad first dates by eliminating people you absolutely know you aren't get along with quickly. Plus, you can cut out all the people who aren't single. It avoids all the awkwardness of approaching people you see on a bus or on the street and finding out they are with someone. In theory, it also lets you cut through the weeks of getting to know someone only to find out they have no interest in dating anyone at all. This is because you can somewhat assume that everyone on a dating site is looking to date someone.

I've been here a couple of years now, can't say exactly how long since I don't remember. Why haven't I found what I'm looking for here? I think there is a number of reasons:

I'm not what a lot of women are looking for. When I read through profiles, 95% of them are looking for the same thing: A physically fit guy who likes to keep fit and play sports, someone who enjoys the outdoors and traveling. Since this is the exact opposite of me, I tend to not even message most women whose profiles I read.

Most women aren't what I'm looking for. Out of the ones who are left after the above point, I then actually have to see if they are the sort of person I'd get along with. I've learned my lesson in this regard and know a couple of signs in profiles that I won't get along with. Mostly, anyone who says that they have a lot of guy friends who mean the world to them and anyone messaging should know that and accept it and not be jealous of it. It is almost always a bad sign. Plus, anyone whose hobbies include drinking I don't normally get along with.

After that, I generally only find 1 or 2 people left out of all profiles that interest me. I message them and less than 25% of them reply back at all. 90% of the ones that do message me back stop talking to me after 2 or 3 messages. So far, I've gone on a date with only one person from this site. And that didn't work out because they turned out not to be willing to change anything in their life in order to make room for a relationship.

Add to that the fact that I only actually do searches on profiles once every 3 or 4 months and you'll see why I haven't found what I'm looking for yet.

As for why I come to the forums...I think it's like a trainwreck that I can't look away from. Although, each time I do read through them, they only end up making me feel bad. If I thought that the whole world worked the way these forums did then I would have to assume that 95% of all women aren't looking to date anyone at all and will stay single their whole life. Which is why I only read the forums periodically. They make me feel like having any hope of a relationship ever is pointless.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Men Do You Really Want The Outdoorsy Type ...?
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:29:40 PM
I know I'm not into outdoorsy types. I'm actually having the exact same problem just with women instead of men. I go through profiles and all I see is "I like to keep active and participate in jogging, biking, rock climbing, roller skating, camping, swimming, soccer, baseball, and so on. I'm looking for a guy who can keep up with me and wants to be active and outdoorsy."

I'm wondering if there's anyone left who actually likes being indoors away from that awful sun. *grin*

What can I say? I get sunburned in the middle of winter after 10 minutes of being outside(an exaggeration, of course).
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Firefox Question
Posted: 2/11/2008 10:03:40 AM
Probably Firefox doing its standard silly things.

Either way, the standard reboot solution to everything works again.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Pool Tournament~Triple B's Scurfield Location
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:57:37 AM
I've been looking through the event photos and they look like fun. I decided I should start showing up. I'd like to come to this. However, it appears I will be in Washington, DC that weekend. Perhaps next time I'll have to come to the next one. Work permitting, of course.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Valentine's Day just 7 days away!
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:47:36 AM
All I want is to get out of the house and do something with people that day. Or should I say, that evening cause I work for 12 hours. I just don't like being by myself on that day. Maybe I should start calling people and seeing who is available.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Cell phone on a date....
Posted: 7/31/2007 7:06:07 PM

Just curious, the guy who said he'd answer his phone on a date, even if it was just a friend who wants to arrange something for the weekend, would you do the same if you were in school and in class? What about at a business meeting.

No, but those are all formal settings. It's assumed your phone will be off because you will be interrupting 5 or 100 people's time with your call. Everyone has a limited time to get something done (an hour to learn a certain about of stuff, an hour to get the meeting done, etc).

I view dating as a fun experience (or at least it should be), you are meeting someone new in a casual atmosphere and enjoying your time. I don't enjoy my time when it is filled with a bunch of rules on what to do and what not to do that I don't have with my friends. I'd want anyone I eventually decided to have a relationship with to be friends with me as well as dating. I don't think I could be friends with someone who was so self conscious that they'd get angry at me for something as trivial as a phone call.

Sure, if I insult them, leave without warning, fail to show up, don't shower before the date, or something like that...I can see getting angry, but a cell phone?

Either way, due to this thread and other people's opinions on this, I don't want to be rude. From now on, my default will be going to a date with cell phone off. I'm not a rude person, but it's not my opinion that matters here.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why is it so bad to want a relationship?
Posted: 7/31/2007 6:24:10 PM
I know this is partially off topic, but this discussion made me think of this piece of "dating advice" from, amazingly enough, Weird Al. Figured I'd brighten everyone's day slightly. *grin*

"Close But No Cigar"
by Weird Al Yankovic

Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"

Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD

Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rif solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)
But no cigar!
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Why is it so bad to want a relationship?
Posted: 7/31/2007 6:10:05 PM
I agree. Needing a relationship is bad. I don't need one. However, I like relationships. I guess I'm just willing to give people a chance, and get to know them a bit before I make up my mind.

I know, that in my mind "I'd like to go out with you on a date" means "I'm not sure if I like you or not, but lets do some things as friend and see if we like each other." But it seems that to women I talk to it means "I've already jumped ahead of getting to know you part and have decided too early that I want a relationship with them."

Maybe I just need to change my terminology. I just believe there is a difference between hanging out with each other with an eye towards it possibly becoming a relationship and hanging out with no possibility of it becoming a relationship. I'd just like to know which one it is before getting into it.

Am I wrong in thinking that it might be the pressure that women don't like? If they are out on a "date" then there's pressure to go further, but hanging out with a friend that they are attracted to means they can change their mind at any time?
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Why is it so bad to want a relationship?
Posted: 7/31/2007 2:35:54 AM

Sometimes society dictates that unless we are in a relationship we are somehow not validated as happy healthy adults. Only we've found out that is certainly not the case so we are NOT willing to settle.

True, but in at least one case, I got along with the woman just fine, we had a great time together. After a month or two of talking online, we met in real life, she felt comfortable enough to let me stay at her house (on the couch) since I needed a place to stay while in her city.

But then I was told "I didn't feel what you did from our meeting. It isn't bad that you asked me at this time and it isn't bad that I said no at this time. Let's keep talking."

So, I agreed. And now, after 3 more months, we are about to be in the same place at the same time again and was thinking of giving it another shot. Somehow our conversation online today ended up going into a discussion of "what is love?" and "why do people need relationships?" She told me that she's happy without a relationship and doesn't think having one is better than not having one. And that it is important to her and she only reached this decision after years of careful consideration and it wasn't changing easily.

She said the goal in life is to remove all desires and all needs so that you never know pain since you never expect anything that you don't get.

It just seems like removing all emotion to me. I like emotion.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why is it so bad to want a relationship?
Posted: 7/31/2007 2:11:56 AM

There is also the sentiment that when you aren't looking is when it comes. So that, in turn, could be what they're riding with. If they show everyone that they aren't looking, then they might just be hoping that their Prince Charming shows up.

Yeah, mostly it seems the people I've talked to who have this opinion were all hurt in a former relationship (divorced), seemed to believe that having a man in their life would ruin all their fun by giving them obligations, or that wanting a man met they weren't independent enough to be able to survive on their own.
 Zamrod
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why is it so bad to want a relationship?
Posted: 7/30/2007 11:53:24 PM
Over the last couple of days I've been discussing this with people I know. I wanted to get some opinions from here. It seems that almost all the single women I meet these days are completely ambivalent about relationships. They all have the attitude: "I don't care if I ever have a relationship again in my entire life and if I die single that's ok with me."

They have all pretty much told me that if you show any interest in actually having a relationship, then you are desperate and therefore they would never date you.

So, my question is: Why does it seem like no one wants a relationship anymore? Is it something about our culture now? Also, how does one ask someone out when asking someone out shows that you want a relationship and are therefore desperate?
 
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