Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Need help getting over her.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Need help getting over her.
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:12:47 AM
I know what your going through except I had 9 year marriage and two kids invested. It's all about starting over and that can be a difficult thing to do. I tell myself this every day and its difficult. I took an extra job to pay for the divorce and stay busy. Now with 1.5 jobs, there's no time for anything else. (some people say its unhealthy to get this absorbed into work... they may be right!)

Stay strong, one step in front of the other. Many of us are walking a similar path.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Are you having success on this site?
Posted: 1/15/2013 2:20:00 PM
That depends on your expectations. I've had quite a few very nice chats and an experience of feeling good in that moment. I think that constitutes as success. I'm not suggesting lowering the bar, just a realistic look on individual expectations. I will say, I'm doing ok.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Anyone else growing old alone?
Posted: 9/9/2012 10:36:48 PM
I felt that way with my first separation. I was only 30 but had trust issues then. Then within a few months met a gal that I would become good friends with and eventually marry.

Your guy said some shallow and hurtful words. You should accept the fact that you will be sitting on your porch swing with your life partner and best friend.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
What’s in your “junk’ drawer”? Does it reveal anything about a person?
Posted: 8/25/2012 1:27:15 AM
I had a junk garage, until my wife took it all. It's actually true, but seriously...

Keys, key rings, screwdriver, pliers, forgotten receipts, pens, pencils, pencil sharpener, folding knife, check books boxes, hooks, padlock (s), knife sharpener, small rubber ball, wedding ring receipt folder, random extra screws, old birthday candels, velcro strips, and much, much, more! Does this mean I'm wierd?
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Metal anbody?
Posted: 8/25/2012 12:55:39 AM
I love ALL metal! Inlcuding my corny metal band SinHole! (google it... seriously google it... we're the most unheard band in the world!)
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 100 (view)
 
forgotten instruments...
Posted: 8/25/2012 12:53:08 AM
Wow, this is an old thread! How about the Mellotron? In the days before synthisis, when you couldn't rent an orchestra... bring them on tape! I worked in a little recording studio when I was 21 and a guy came in with a mellotron. He was in the washington state area but was doing some gigs with the keyboardist from the moody blues (Mike Pinder I believe). He brought in this device called the mellotron and we miked up a leslie for the sound when he wanted the rotation effects. We recorded two complete songs and he was to take them to LA for mastering. Supposedly I was to get recording credits on the album but never heard from the guy or if there was even a finished product. This was circa 91-92 and the album project was featuring the mellotron on all tracks.

If anyone has heard of this project... DO let me know! Because I just don't know dud from what happened to it.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
House sitting for the EX wife/husband....strange???
Posted: 8/24/2012 1:11:53 AM
Are they reasonable, intelligent people? They may be going through their divorce process civilly. The process they are going through takes time. My wife and I have detached our cell phone contracts and our car/life insurance, but we're both still on the house and home owners insurance. And under court mandate we will share health until the papers are signed. Let her pay for that phone so he can talk to you.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Seeing pic of ex happy with new boyfriend
Posted: 8/19/2012 1:46:12 AM
Unfriend. My wife canceled her accnt and started over again. And it is for the best. I don't want to know about her updates and she doesn't need to know of mine. What is so ironic is that we have a cluster of friends in life that parallels FB. So when a 'friend' post a pic and she is in it... I see whats current. We chose not to have our friends take sides and split so we can see whats going on with each other indirectly. One of the hardest things I had to see was my drunk wife with her friends in Vegas... smiling and happy. Just days before I got served with divorce papers. Seeing her drunk happy and knowing what was on her mind nearly killed me. And with that, I wish I hadn't have seen those pics.

Unfriend.... and get a bunch of new ones!
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Moodiness
Posted: 8/19/2012 1:35:30 AM
I'm still feeling it to this day. It's been almost 4 1/2 months and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with sadness. But those feelings are less frequent. The part of anger, bargaining and depression also takes turns. Its taken almost 2 months to begin to enjoy the things that made up my daily life. I would find that friend that you can count on, one that can see things objectively and is not so close to your regular circle of acquaintances.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 521 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 8/15/2012 1:34:51 PM
Hi, Spokanite here. I learned about this site a few months ago. I enjoy the forums. It's a nice way to air out some stuff and get contstructive feedback. So far its been plesant. I'm separated and not ready for dating but enjoy a nice chat. There are plenty of people that is in a funk like myself and need to talk. Chat with ya soon!
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Should you really be yourself?
Posted: 8/14/2012 5:09:26 PM
What do you want to be... and make it happen. When I was in HS, I wanted to be a rock star. I was learning the guitar but had no shtick. Then I grew my hair out, long. Now I looked the part AND could play. I wasn't a rock star but I looked the part and could back it up with some playing. So find something you like or good at and enhance it in a way that is unique and interesting. Then get that stuff out for people to enjoy.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 8/14/2012 1:36:24 PM
How is your quest on a connection? If your looking on here, I would tighen up your profile. It's a bit wordy, generalize a little bit. Lose the pic of the car and 90's stereo and get some shots of you shooting pool, at the lake, doing stuff with your buds (but keep the buds out).
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 37 (view)
 
The choice between me and the nightlife - I lost.
Posted: 7/31/2012 3:05:51 AM
Man, I hear what your saying. My wife had depression after our kids were born.... she just didn't know what to make of things and did some really self destructive stuff. But one day, she found a hobby. Playing cards, specificly texas hold 'em. Not a big deal to me, I've played poker with friends in the past. But somehow, she got hooked. Now 7 years later, she wants a divorce and I can say she has sunk in over 30K in credit/gambling debt. I never kept her from going out with the girls to play cards. It was a twice a week routine, many times just on her own. She has choosen to go out gambling on one of the only two days we have together when we're not working. Somehow, going out/gambling has changed the way she thinks and her personality. All this going out to 'find oneself' or needing a means of escape.... they are all red flags. Now she goes out even more, a gal in her 30's with kids acting like she's 20 with no responsiblities.

Your situation sucks but at least you didn't marry the gal that needed to get more wild out of her system.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I know I lost her, but I still love her
Posted: 7/19/2012 10:27:11 AM
These are war games, there are no rules and every ones standards are different. I realized that my wife (soon to be ex) is deeply embedded in psychological warfare with me. When innocent questions are quickly rebound with a cold statement of "It's none of your business!" And there is truth to that to those words, so I've had to learn the game as well. It does suck and we shouldn't be toying with each others emotions as we have to communicate almost daily. If you left her, she could still have hard feelings.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Ex's Songs
Posted: 7/19/2012 10:08:37 AM
Yes. Ours was A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. It was our dance song for our wedding. Now its just a sad song.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Endlessly waiting...
Posted: 7/19/2012 9:41:18 AM
I have been through this before, part of it was me not being ready, part was her not being ready to commit. But when it happened it clicked. We were both self reserved and recognized that we both had our own baggage. When we saw the happiness that we had when we were around each other, we were able to take that baggage and 'lock' it away, focusing on a fresh perspective rather than referencing the past. Our emotional timers went off at the same time and we went from 'friend zone' to lust zone.

How long was she with her guy from her 'brutal breakup'? And how long have you two been conversing with each other, including your dates? I can understand her going slow due to emotional issues BUT if she knows your intentions of wanting to be more than friends and she's dragging her feet for some reason, it may be time to try again. Tell her someone asked you out and get a feel for her reaction, it may tell you everything you need to know about the status of your 'friendship'.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Let them Go (this helped me tons!)
Posted: 7/14/2012 11:11:34 AM
This is very empowering. It's the kind of inspiration I need at the moment.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Baggage...
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:35:22 PM
I had baggage from my first marriage... trust issues as she wanted someone new. My second wife had serious emotional baggage from a violation to her in college.. it changed her whole personality. We came together knowing that we had flaws in our lives. Unfortunately, her baggage has caused an emotional division between us. She has an inability to open up and communicate and intimacy is dead. Now we are separated and on our way to divorce.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 109 (view)
 
What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have???
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:24:29 PM
There's probably not just one but I'll simplify and just say addiction. For my situation, my wife has an addiction to gambling. She's in denial and says its just an outlet. That outlet has caused her to lie about 14K in credit card debt. This one "addiction" has caused a cascade of other problems. Now were in a divorce and when it's final, she'll have to deal with that issue on her own.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
no communication,why?
Posted: 7/13/2012 11:34:44 AM
She played you, maybe not intentionally from the get go but it sounds like she was trolling for the next best or exciting thing. Been there, done that. My first wife let a good friend of mine move in after we were separated. Half of our arguements were because of his presence. My internal filter has been adjusted because of this. Let this be your learning experience. Good luck.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Heartache - How Long Till This Tide Ebbs..
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:24:33 AM
Thank you for your input on this..
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Am I worthless?
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:18:55 PM
No one is worthless. That feeling goes away with time. I felt that way with my first marriage as my wife left me... blaming me to be an angry soul. Ironicly someone I knew (that was at the core of my anger) moved in with her within a month. It took a while and yes, I was angry, but not due to her excuses. I felt worthless for the longest time, but it took re-evauation in myself and the appreciation of someone special to make me realize this.
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Heartache - How Long Till This Tide Ebbs..
Posted: 7/11/2012 11:57:00 AM
I've had a hard time reaching out. Our circle of friends overlap and I don't want to create divisions within the people we know... mainly because I work with them or work with people whose spouses are friends with my wife. To be able to talk openly is a luxury I don't really have. And we both agreed to not disclose details of our personal life to our friends. They have simply accepted our situation. But I do have a need for discussion and have used Craigslist as an option. I wish I knew of this site sooner as this forum is the perfect arena for open and varied thought and expression. That being said, I'll try not to get too dark on this matter... that's something I save for myself. (at least for now)
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
I must move on, but hates it when thought demons creep in
Posted: 7/11/2012 11:21:58 AM
Every single night...
 axemanmixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Heartache - How Long Till This Tide Ebbs..
Posted: 7/11/2012 10:51:34 AM
I've been separated since April with a sudden disclosure for divorce. In a nutshell, my wife has lost feelings for our relationship and didn't feel strong enough to salvage with any consulting. I had tremendous heartache that month and even went through episodes of broken heart syndrome... a condition that simulates a heart attack due to intense grief or emotional trauma. My longing for my loss has been strung along for almost 4 months now. At this point things are emotionally better with a solid acceptance of our new futures, yet I'm still saddened that we will not grow old together and this event will have damning consequences on our kids. This has been an emotional upheaval to me (and probably her too) as we are still in the middle stride of the divorce process. I still have pangs of sadness from day to day while my ex is out in party mode and out gambling away her child support. My question for you... how long has it taken to get past your emotional cloud... the daily aches of loss. How long till normality sets in.

I know situations vary for different people. I'm speaking from the perspective of being married for 9 years with kids.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I'm an invert and shy of course........ is this truly a turn off to woman?
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:23:52 AM
I'm an introvert and shy, and I enjoy time of solitary when I have it. But there is also a time to be social. Don't 'miss out' because you're private, even if that means kicking yourself in the rear and going out with co-workers/friends to the bar, hockey game, joining a softball team... what ever. You can always have your own space but you'll enjoy it more when that special gal comes along and wants to share it with you. Hell, both my past wives asked me out initially. It could happen to you, but you gotta be outside your space.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Non verbal clues your relationship is coming to an end
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:46:13 PM
No sex, no sex, no sex. Oh.. and if she chooses to go to a casino every Sun night instead being home with the kids and husband... kiss your marriage goodbye!

I'm not bitter...
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I can take it in stride but this kinda sucks
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:08:49 PM
It happens. As it turns out, it happened to me. I was in need of someone I could talk to, someone I could relate to, anyone.. This one gal that answered my add seemed very upfront and intelligent. She was a great chat and by the third e-mail said we went to school together. She got this by my e-mail address and name, no pics were ever sent. I was suprised at first but was quickly relieved as there was now this common link. Is it common for that to happen on CL? Not sure. Sorry yours was more negative. Things could be worse, like getting a divorce with kids involved.
 AxemanMixer
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 268 (view)
 
Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 7/8/2012 2:59:20 PM
well, here's my situation. my wife and i are getting divorced.. we have had intimacy issues for some time now. i have never considered our slow start an issue or red flag..and it turned into 9 years of great marriage. but she never liked being intimate from the start. we have kids, but act as roomates, f w/o benefits. im willing to be patient... but only so long. my wide has issus, and thats what hurt us.
 
Show ALL Forums