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 Author Thread: does he want a relationship or not?
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 57 (view)
 
does he want a relationship or not?
Posted: 11/8/2012 12:57:39 PM
My ex husband was like that... that he didn't want sex that often. As the years went on, well it only declined. I stayed faithful but it was difficult. And a box of cookies is a sad substitute to intimacy. :( it isn't why we're divorced. But it did add to our problems.
Everyone has their own 'normal' but I think its an important part of a relationship. If you are unequally matched it will become an issue at some point.
OP think long and hard.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 54 (view)
 
dating a recently divorced person?
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:00:49 AM
As Marleen said - time isn't the issue, it's have they dealt with the issues. Years later someone may still be angry and bitter. Or a month later be completely over it because they were dealing with the issues before it was final. I know I dated too soon.

I just wanted to note that it isn't just about divorce, it's how long and how well they have dealt with any serious relationship. I have a guy friend that has gone back to a exgirlfriend several times. In between he gets involved with other women, then dumps them as soon as that ex wiggles her finger (she always wants him back when she finds out he's met someone).

Listen to what someone says. Pay attention to how they speak about their ex. Is it something like 'it didn't work out and we both could/should have done some things differently'? Or is it all anger and bitterness? or even worse is the ones that make excuses and still run anytime their ex wants something.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Do girls ever regret ending a relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2012 9:12:31 PM
I've always had some 'regrets' about relationships - that things didn't work out. More in a mourning sense. Like kjay said - they have ended after exhausting all avenues and when I am done, I am done.
There's only one ever that I would ever consider trying again. We only dated a few months, and we never fought or anything. It was just the first relationship for him after a bad divorce and he really wasn't ready, and I wasn't in the best place either. He'd get scared and push away, and after a few times I just got tired of the uncertainty. :/ I wish I had handled things differently.

Life is short OP. No one knows what this girl was thinking. If you really still like her, go for it.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Do You Do Drugs??
Posted: 10/25/2012 4:11:44 PM
I've never seen any that said yes to the drug question, but I've noticed several profiles that say things like 420 friendly. {I'll pass}
And I guess perception of social drinking varies greatly. Too me it's that rare drink when out with friends. To some social means beer everyday and wasted every weekend.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
relationship dilemma
Posted: 10/24/2012 11:03:16 AM
I can't speak for all women, just base my conclusions on my own experiences and those of others that have been shared with me.
Some people think that size is everything. :/ But sometimes, the 'bigger' men, well that's all they have to offer. Many women would prefer a man who is interested in pleasing her first, and size plays only a part in that.
When the time comes, don't let your insecurities show. Just relax and make it a good experience for both of you.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
best friends quarrel over POF guy
Posted: 10/22/2012 6:55:07 PM
I find it odd and out of line that she contacted him. But the weirdest part of it is that she gave you her password to login. Then said she knew you would see it. ????
My guess, she expected the guy to respond to her and planned on you coming across it.
IDK - I know women that have to be the center of attention. I keep them at a distance.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Message content
Posted: 10/22/2012 5:20:44 AM
It's wrong for people to act that way, but unfortunately hiding behind a screen makes some brave. What everyone has to keep in mind is that not everyone is like that. When I first made a profile I got upset about off color messages and unwanted pics. Then I realized that it weeds out a certain type. I'd much rather they 'show their hand' early. Same with those negative hate-filled profiles that show you someone is bitter and angry.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 10/19/2012 3:08:34 PM
If someone send me a message that shows they've read and relate or they sound interesting, I'll continue a conversation with them even if they aren't my 'definition' of handsome. I've chatted with some nice guys that way, and enjoyed a few dates with them. I just don't think you can tell how you will feel about a person from just a few pics and words.

And as for the comments about guys being bashed for not being slender - many women, including myself, would prefer a bigger guy over a slender one. It's all in perspective.

When I first joined I replied to all messages, and have learned the hard way. That said - there are messages I haven't replied to. If their profile comes off as angry, if the message is sexual in nature, or something about them seems off/creepy - I just don't bother to reply.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What's next?
Posted: 10/19/2012 2:28:53 PM
I'm confused. OP joined in January. ????
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 381 (view)
 
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 10/19/2012 4:18:14 AM
I can understand why people may not for job related issues. You can upload pics and set them to private, then easily attach them to messages on here. I've not met anyone that I haven't at least been sent some pictures beforehand. I have met a couple men that I wasn't overly attracted to but whose profile and/or messages had interested me.

I don't put too much stock in the photos on here. Some I've met looked better than their pics, some the pics were misleading, and other looked nothing at all like their pictures. {shrug} Until you meet you just can't get too invested.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/18/2012 6:31:07 PM
I'd rather date someone with a chronic disease they are being treated for than a person who never goes to doctor because they 'feel' ok. Especially once you're past 40-50, you need to get regular checkups.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Mr. Right Now
Posted: 10/18/2012 5:39:40 AM
If you mean someone that has potential, you're just not sure yet - then yes I'd continue seeing him, but I would see it as taking time to get to know him. I wouldn't use that term though.
But if you mean Mr right now is someone you know has no real future with you.... I'm the type that rips a bandaid off quickly. I would end it quickly. But that's me.
In that situation it would be best to talk it over with him and be honest about it.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 245 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 10/17/2012 8:19:53 PM
some people just like to talk about/show off their toys to try to impress, and the are worse the ones that got a midlife crisis HD {shrug}
But most people that ride truly love it, and want to make sure that they will be able to share it with that person. It weeds out the ones that would never want a part of it. If you feel negative about motorcycles, just don't date someone who does.
Some of the best dates I've had were riding on a bike for hours, stopping for a coffee or ice cream cone every so often. :) If I meet someone who doesn't ride, that's alright. But if its between two men an experienced rider would get an edge.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Scary Experience- Thoughts?
Posted: 10/17/2012 7:37:11 PM
OP I'm still fairly new to this too and learning as I go. I wish I had discovered the forums sooner as there is great advice throughout.
for the cell phone issue - maybe get a pay as you go just for this? If you meet someone and it develops, you can give them your 'real' number. And don't share your last name maybe?
Some men will get very aggressive when they feel rejected. until you feel comfortable with someone, keep the get togethers to public places.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Disagreeable Perfume/Cologne Smell
Posted: 10/16/2012 7:24:07 PM
I'm sensitive to some smells. Not many, but those I am cause the watery eyes, etc. Haven't run into a problem with any man's smell so far, but have had friend's scents that bothered me. I just say 'something' must be triggering allergies, and they'll say OH maybe its my perfume.

This made me think of
right before my daddy died (colon to liver cancer and his body had become toxic), his brother and his wife came to visit
Ruth had always worn too much of a not so great smelling perfume. Well when she walked in, daddy went green around the gills and started vomiting. He said Ruthie, I love you but your perfume is making me sick I'm sorry, but I need you to leave. She got offended and had a bit of a tizzy as she left. :/
Some people will take things wrong, no matter the circumstances. {shrug}
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 6:44:49 PM
I'm sorry that some of you have had bad experiences but it's wrong to judge 100s of thousands by the actions of a few.
I know very many mature stable people in the military. Many that have stable happy healthy marriages.
It is more challenging to be involved with someone serving? absolutely But the reward can be worth the risk.

Sure there are those who behave as horn dogs/cheaters. And there's just as many that are NOT serving that act that way.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Ever been turned on by a person's accent?
Posted: 10/16/2012 5:21:28 PM
I like to listen to British and Irish accents. But a man with a deep deep voice {{shiver}}
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Euthanasia
Posted: 10/16/2012 4:14:06 PM
OP I feel for you greatly. It is a very difficult time for your family.

Because not only was I a nurse, I was primary caregiver several times for family members, I have given this a lot of thought. As far as euthanasia my opinion has mellowed over the years. There was a time I believed in it, that at end of life a person should be able to go out on their own terms. But I have come to believe that it would become a slippery slope if it was allowed. Where would the line be drawn? Who would make the decision? How could we be certain that the decision maker truly has the patient's interest at heart?

For myself I have an advanced directive and my sister has the medical POA (because I know she will follow my wishes). Simply having a DNR is not enough, as there are many treatments that might not be covered and can extend life. I strongly recommend that everyone check into having a very detailed advanced directive and medical POA on file with their doctor, so that family members are certain what your wishes are and aren't forced to make those hard decisions. Age & health doesn't matter, no one knows what could happen tomorrow. a car accident, aneurysm, heart failure....

As has been mentioned, with holding nutrition will not make someone suffer at that stage. The body functions have slowed and little nutrition is needed. Fluids especially are not removed as the kidney function decreases and would pool around the heart and lungs, so giving fluids can cause more discomfort. Pain management medications will not just keep them comfortable. Those meds also further 'slow' down the body's functions, so they ease the person.

There are so many ways to add comfort. Just sitting talking to them, even when they are unresponsive. Those minty swabs are wonderful to moisten and freshen the mouth. And (this is hard to word) sometimes the loved ones have to be able to let their family member go. This happened recently with my grandma. Some of the family just couldn't release her. When they each, in their own time, came to terms and said their goodbyes, she passed. My other grandma held on for several days until my sister got to town and saw/spoke to her.

Our thoughts are with you and your family.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Talking Love/Marriage/Children VERY quickly-who else does this happen to?
Posted: 10/15/2012 9:45:13 PM
I've come across a few like this, and my advice is to run. fast
The latest like this after 2 dates became so clingy and demanding. I haven't responded to him since I told him that he was being overwhelming, yet I am still getting messages from him weeks later. :/ It's really creeped me out.

I think when someone is in too much of a rush, they are just interested in being with someone/anyone. I don't find it flattering when someone is intense quickly, quite the opposite.

Sure you can feel a connection or whatnot, but you don't KNOW that person.

Be careful.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 10/14/2012 2:04:09 PM
My exhusband is OCD, and I got to be a bit of a neat freak during out marriage. :/ You could literally lick my floors.
These days, not so much. My house gets cluttered and messy, especially because there are pets. But I keep it clean under the clutter. :)
Either direction would give me pause - whether an absolutely spotless home or a smelly sty. Balance in life is the key.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Confused...
Posted: 10/14/2012 1:13:37 PM
^ spot on as always Motown

I'm very leery of anyone that throws the L word out within a few months. You don't really KNOW someone that quickly. I imagine their definition of love varies from mine. :/
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Final divorce papers...
Posted: 10/13/2012 8:13:41 PM
I was the leaver and wanted nothing. It could have been final in weeks, but we agreed to delay until after.my daughter had a surgery. It ended up being about 8 months.
I felt very sad and had the sense of failure, but overwhelming sense of relief and peace. 3 years later and no regret.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How many regret marrying their spouses
Posted: 10/6/2012 1:34:12 PM
(1) Did you ever regret marrying your spouse, and how many years into the marriage?
No, I do not. We had a good life together until the last few years. 17

(2) Were you truly ever in love with your spouse, and how long till that love died?
Yes, I did. And it was a slow death over several years. Broken trust, and his anger and bitterness. I still care about him, and hope he gets help. But I had to completely remove myself from his life for my own wellbeing.

(3) Would you choose a different partner if you could start all over again?
There are certain things I watch for. Any signs of anger/bitterness/selfishness.
I'd like to find someone different yes.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Have you looked at a profile “Needs Test” or “Chemistry” results to find a match?
Posted: 10/3/2012 12:23:55 PM
These just came up in a conversation with someone I talk to on here recently. Neither of us had ever really read through our results after taking them. Mine is fairly accurate although there's a notation that sex should be planned????
The guy I was chatting with thought his was fairly accurate too.
I haven't yet checked into if it 'matches' me to someone, but I may start looking the results over for someone that interests me
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Why Does Our Society Look Down On Unemployed Men So Much?
Posted: 10/1/2012 9:00:18 PM
Some have already touched on this, but it boils down to WHY they are unemployed.
Recently a plant shut down here. Guys that have worked there 20+ years are suddenly unemployed. Some found other work, others were waiting it out. There's a big difference between someone in that situation and someone.who just can't. Hold a job. Foe me it will just depend on the circumstances and their attitude towards it.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is it really about two option?
Posted: 10/1/2012 7:25:24 PM
I don't think I would if I could. Sure I've made many mistakes, but I also learned from my bad choices. And some good things in my life have come from the really bad things.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
profile picture was at least 10 to 15 yrs old
Posted: 9/29/2012 2:13:49 AM
I just try not to get an emotional attachment until I meet someone face to face. Most of the guys I have met were definitely overweight, big pot bellies. I don't mind that so much, as most guys my age DO have the big belly going on. The ones who are like that and think they are athletic though ;) hahaha Definitely have met a few that look nothing like their pictures.

I saw a great cartoon awhile back. It showed a thin woman looking in a mirror, seeing a heavy unattractive woman. And a heavy older man, seeing a high school athlete. :)

I'd rather someone meet me and be pleasantly surprised that I look nicer, than to be disappointed.

What annoys me much more than looks, is the ones that completely misrepresent themselves personality wise. :/ Or in relationship status (ie the 'divorced' guy who has only been separated a month)
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 78 (view)
 
How did you choose your screen name?
Posted: 9/27/2012 8:24:33 PM
I used this username because I've met and/or dated too many people that are anti-military, and I wanted to make a point of this is who I am. Also why I use the profile picture I do. It's not 'all' that I am, but it is a major deal breaker if they have negative views towards the military and/or weapons.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Did I blow it?
Posted: 9/27/2012 6:36:32 PM
Gah - I'm going through the same thing right now with a man. I told him this week I was going to be in the office around the clock, and exhausted when I was home. He's called and text constantly. Over the last 48 hours he's left 7 voicemails and 6 text. He was already showing clingy tendencies. The last 2 days confirmed it.
And YEAH, he blew it. Right now I'm so annoyed I never want to speak to him again.
I don't think it's that she's too busy for a relationship. She just can't on call 24/7.
relationships need to build over time
Too clingy is unhealthy. Too much pressure on the other person is they're your whole life.

OP - learn from this.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
The most loving thing
Posted: 9/27/2012 2:10:11 PM
My exhusband encouraged me to quit my fulltime job and be a mom /wife fulltime. I didn't want to at first, it took over a year for me to do it. But I am so very thankful that I had those years at home.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 239 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/26/2012 7:37:58 PM
I think that the last few posts really clarified why people who enjoy riding make a point of mentioning it on their profiles.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
should the first meeting be a date or just a....
Posted: 9/26/2012 4:10:27 AM
great advice from everyone OP. Keep it casual and no pressure.

If you are really interested, act like it. Call her with a specific plan, date and time.
And please don't play the waiting games. There is nothing wrong with contacting right away, just don't do it constantly (ie numerous times every day).
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
A question for people looking for Long Term Relationships only.
Posted: 9/24/2012 7:30:10 PM
I am the same GarnerGirl71. Once I start dating someone (I mean beyond meets, to where we are seeing each other frequently) I will be concentrating on that person.
Even just with the messaging here, it can get confusing sometimes when you are talking to multiple people. :/

The only problem with this is that if you start dating someone and break contact with someone else you were messaging, you can't really go back to talk to them. They'll maybe feel like 2nd choice. (because what do you tell them about disappearing?) IDK.

I want to meet someone and talk to them frequently pretty quick so I can see if there is anything worth pursuing. Most of the men I've dated have brought up exclusivity right away.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Parents living in the home of your love interest.
Posted: 9/24/2012 2:56:07 PM
great subject!

I would be interested to know a man's opinion on care giving if it became serious. My family is almost all gone now, and I was primary caregiver several times. I wouldn't have a problem with a man taking care of family.

My grandpa raised me, and at the end of his life I wanted to bring him into my home. While my ex-husband had been OK with grandpa staying with us off and on (a few weeks at a time) over the years during 'bad spells' when his wife couldn't take care of him, he was adamant over bringing grandpa home then. He didn't understand what I knew, that grandpa only had days left. He couldn't get past the idea he had that this was going to be for years. We fought about it for days, and then grandpa passed. Mike understood then and was apologetic.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Dating after 45...
Posted: 9/24/2012 2:42:30 PM
I want a first meet to be something casual, low key, and easy. That way there is no pressure.
Sometimes they are only a half hour, others have ended up chatting for hours over coffee or drinks. Whenever I go out, I take my own money and offer to pay. Some men appreciate that, others insist on paying.
THEN, (if we both want) we may go out on a real date and the man chooses to pay for dinner or a movie, etc. Or if a man takes me out several times, I may offer to cook dinner for him. I'm old fashioned to a degree with dating, and I do 'like' when the man plans a date (and pays), but I don't expect it. Especially not from a man I hardly know yet.

Several of the men I have talked to or gone out with, especially if they have been on here for awhile, have gotten tired of (feel used by) the 1st meet dinner dates. A few have mentioned women that seem to expect the man to spend big money right off the bat. :/ A guy friend of mine uses the tactic of 'cheap' dates at the beginning progressing to nicer (and more expensive) ones as a relationship develops. I think that is the way to go.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 143 (view)
 
The bathroom mirror pic; why so bad?
Posted: 9/21/2012 8:17:29 AM
I have a pic up that was taken in my full length mirror, just to have a full body shot.
I have a lot of pictures out doing things but they're with family and friends. As mucoh as many posters hate the BMP, I dislike group pics up. If someone think that means i have no freinds. Whatever. I have had most men that have met say the pictures dont do me justice, but i cant see doing 'glamor shots' i just dont worry about it that much.
Many men i have met didnt look like their pics. The self done BMPs are moreaccurate.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 207 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/21/2012 4:22:07 AM

There are more(Older) women that do accept motorcycle riders. But consider this one, Some will only accept guys that ride Harleys. Pull up on a Gold Wing, and the song changes. I've had my share of harleys that ran bad and broke down, and the ridicious cost of parts. My Wings have been reliable, quiet, and comfortable, but far from being the most desirable ride some seem to want. I'm not about to run out and get another harley just because that is what she wants me to ride. Just one of those things, I guess.


hahaha those are the same women that have never owned/driven one (passengers only) but do have all the HD tshirts, dorags, etc.
I can only speak for myself but I'm more interested in the comfort of the ride, and the skill level of the driver. ;)
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I think I need some help..
Posted: 9/20/2012 4:06:13 AM
It sounds like he has realized that long distance just isn't working for him. He wants more than you two can have right now. Few people can make it work. :/
Since you have the non-refundable tickets - If you really want to go see him (and he wants you to come), go ahead and fly out there. Have a good time even though it may be bittersweet. Consider it your last time together and part as friends.
If you would rather him not contact you if he's no longer interested, then stop contacting him. Leave it in his court.
Maybe a year down the road you'll be together again, and maybe not.
Concentrate on your last year of school and enjoying life.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
dating a very close friend....military member advice also???
Posted: 9/19/2012 8:40:25 PM
You'd really better be served asking some of these questions on an Army forum, for those that have direct Army experience. I have 2 serving, so I can give you a few answers that we've run across.

NO, no one gets to pick their duty station. Sure there is a 'wish list', good luck with that. My son spent the bulk of active duty 2000 miles from home, and we've only known of a few that were stationed at least close enough to drive home on long weekends. Active is nothing like Reserve/National Guard! Rev/NG try to get you in a unit close to home because they have to pay your weekend drill travel expenses.
(really don't know what you mean when you said you will never deploy?)

So besides the fact that she is still entangled with another man.....
She would go to basic first 9-10 weeks, you'd get to see her family day/graduation. Then she'd be off to Houston, as you know 68W IS a long AIT. At some point (it varies), she will start getting weekend passes. But medic is an intense course and she won't have much time for a relationship, even a weekend one. Then she'll graduate and head to her permanent duty station. Which could be in Korea for all you know. Needs of the Army and all that.... :)
It's just not a great timing for any new enlistee to get into a relationship.

That said - has she seen a recruiter? enlisted? If not, this could all be a moot point. With the reductions, recruiting numbers are way down and there may not even be any slots open.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Wondering why women dont wear hose anymore
Posted: 9/19/2012 5:48:15 PM
I wear thigh highs 5 days a week. There are several brands that have a wide lace elastic at the top that stay in place well. Try a few of them to find the ones you like best. and if you get a runner in one leg, you can mix and match.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 192 (view)
 
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 9/18/2012 6:30:12 PM
For me I'd say its working. I haven't met 'the one', but I have met some nice men, had some fun dates, gained some experience and hopefully developed a better 'picker'.

Sure there has been bad experiences and a few weird and/or scary men, but overall its been a good experience.

IRL it's not so easy to meet men. I may try one of the singles events sometime soon.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 200 (view)
 
(Older) women and motorcycles? That many, really?
Posted: 9/18/2012 5:17:15 PM
I grew up riding but didn't get on a bike for 2 decades while my kids were growing up. My cousin talked me into going for a ride several years ago, and I realized how much I had missed it. I dated a few men that ride and had several friends and relatives to do, so I get to ride on occasion. It relaxes and refreshes me.
I plan to buy my own when finances permit. That may be a few years down the road. :/ I don't expect any man I date to have a motorcycle, but do try to avoid ones that are completely against it. I'd much rather going riding for hours than go to a expensive restaurant.
'Some' people somehow have this impression that women that like motorcycles have a 'badboy' fixation. Maybe some, but just as many would like a non-alcohol/drug abuser, middle class man that happens to love bikes. I'm not interested in a 'biker' lifestyle, but there are many 'every day' men my age that have ridden bikes since their teens. :)
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 43 (view)
 
The bitter ex
Posted: 9/18/2012 5:18:51 AM
Several of my guy friends have run into situations like this. I think 'some' men like helping and go for the damsel in distress type. :/

I see nothing wrong that OP fixed things at her house for her. They 'were' in an 18 mth relationship. I'm just curious if she at least paid for the supplies. Her keeping his things is another story. The women I have known to do things like this are either the vindictive type or are using it to keep contact.

I think you are wise to get a lawyer involved. Hopefully that will be enough to get her to turn over the tools. Let us know how it plays out.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
The next step..
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:55:19 AM
I've gotten back on right after a first date. At that point you are just getting to know each other. Now, after an exclusivity discussion - it would be 'wrong' to be on here.

As for not hearing anything yet ... some people think they have to follow 'the rules'.
They think if they contact too soon they will seem to eager, even desperate. So you're supposed to wait 3 days at least.
Same as the one that women should never contact men first.

Suck it up, send him a "I had a great time" text. If he doesn't respond in a timely way, move on.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Are People Looking For a Partner Who is Like Their Parent?
Posted: 9/12/2012 7:52:28 PM

Unfortunately when their role model is a dysfunctional family where there is much conflict and irrational violence or constant drama/instability with anxiety,
THAT becomes the default role model for those unfortunate children and they may seek to replicate that consistent drama by seeking "unavailable" partners or those who regularly treat them badly.


So true... My mother is an alcoholic and abandoned us at an early age. Both men I married had substance abuse issues. It took me a while to figure out that the problem was me. :) I am the common denominator. I think that those of us that have unresolved issues from children tend to be attracted to that, subconsciously trying to resolve it.
What has helped me a great deal was going back to the source. I've spent the last few years trying to build a real relationship with my mother, gaining an understanding of why she has made the life choices she has, and truly forgiving her.

With many friends - whether they are in good relationships or poor ones - it seems we all tend to marry someone similar to the parent that is unlike our self.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Wedding present for my ex step daughter?
Posted: 9/12/2012 7:10:40 PM
I'm not sure if my (ex) step daughter would invite me to her wedding (if she ever does get married). She would 'want' to but would realize that could create stress/awkwardness with her parents. And brides just don't need any added stressors on that day.
this is just my opinion or what I would probably do ....
I would suggest sending the gift to her home shortly [italic] after[/italic] the wedding. Not before, because then it might make her wonder if she should now invite you.
After, something personal (love the gift certificate idea). Maybe add a note - what a pleasure it was to know them when they first became a couple, and that you congratulate them and wish them the very best in their future.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Rent or Own?
Posted: 9/10/2012 8:15:04 PM
I've had a few men ask me what my situation is (rent/own). I've asked why. For some it's if I would be able & willing to relocate, for others they had run into situations with women looking for a better home (gold digging types). The 2nd type tend to ask a lot of questions about my job situation too. I can understand I suppose why they ask, but it's not really their business until we've been dating a bit. I just give a very general answer.

The strangest I have come across is a few men that have gone into great detail (without my asking) about how expensive their homes and toys are. They seem to be the ones that complain about gold diggers. Well, if that's what you are using for bait.....

As far as home ownership - if I had to do it over, after my divorce I would have rented instead of purchasing my house. I do love my house, but maintenance can take up weekends and there's just so much I'd like to do here that I never have enough time.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Expectation of anger
Posted: 9/7/2012 7:00:33 PM
Hooah smartblonde :)

Bicycling - that's exactly what I mean.
I dated a nice guy for awhile months ago and he constantly apologized for everything. He would call me and tell me every detail of his day, giving explanations if he didn't call when he meant to, etc. He had married a 'trophy' and had paid the price. He really was a great guy, but he realized he just wasn't ready to get serious yet. He just was still too scared and insecure. :/ I still think of him on occasion with fondness, and hope he finds happiness.
I feel for the 1st man I seriously dated. It was too soon for me, and I must have driven him crazy. LOL

On the other side a man I dated (more as friends) over a year ago - he was always saying he didn't want drama in his life yadda yadda. Yet his longest relationships had been drama filled with cheating and lies. A short time after we ended things he was back with his married ex-girlfriend. I think he's just the type that 'needs' that.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Expectation of anger
Posted: 9/7/2012 6:13:25 PM
well, I posted to ask a question, not to feel that I have to defend a picture.
I wasn't real clear I suppose. I'm talking about men that I have dated IRL. And not that they think that I am angry, just that they are consistently surprised when I am not. That they seem to be so used to people blowing up over any little thing that they expect everyone to act that way.


Seriously, some of your comments about the picture border on rudeness. It was my INFANTRY son and his Combat vet buddies that suggested I use this picture. They happen to love it.

Last D, my boys had 40% purple hearts (not counting all the ones that have TBI from repeated concussions and haven't been awarded yet) and over 10% casualties. Have you comforted a young widow and her children? Tried to help out a pregnant young wife who's husband just lost 3 limbs, or the one whose husband was trapped in a burning MRAP and has 90% burns? Stayed up all night crying with other moms and wives over yet another loss in our brigade? Been on the phone at 3 AM with a young man that is struggling to deal with what he saw and had to do to survive?

The average person has no clue what our service men and women go through.
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Expectation of anger
Posted: 9/7/2012 5:08:37 AM
^ Thanks blueeyes. :)
That weapon kept my son and several others in his platoon alive over there. I am quite fond of it.
 
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