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 Author Thread: Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 240 (view)
 
Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 3/6/2013 10:30:37 PM
Lydia001 to Swamp Angel
"you took the words right out of my mouth"
"i was in the same situation for 10 years before my husband passed away and you got it right...we do it because we love that person we are with...unconditionally....
and if love comes along again.... we would do it again...
my fear is that if the shoe is on the other foot and i am the one needing the caring....would that someone i love be there for me?
This is about unconditional love and if you have that, it is such a nice place to be....to know for certain and for always that the other person will be there.
To give that as a gift is very gratifying, to be able to receive it would be very humbling."


The above about sums it up though I would say no one who has gone through this wishes to burden another with this.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Can't imagine living with someone again after so long?
Posted: 3/6/2013 10:06:52 PM
I have to agree with Noclowning. "I understand what you are saying. But, your thinking way ahead.
First you have to find a man that you want to spend time with. Thats the hard part."

Like all close relationships in life one needs to just begin walking with another and see where it goes. The more things they have in common the more time they will be together.

Of course we on these sites know that it takes awhile for the craziness of another to manifest itself. :) So there seems to be more tripping than walking. Doubt seems logical.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Vipassana Meditation
Posted: 3/6/2013 9:39:07 PM
Hmm. Boring, nostrils, scream, farts, and then, a Wish to not go home to bunch of negative experiences.

It seems clear to me you know what isn't "meditation" now. So let's just let all that flow by as it will, whenever and wherever it will.

What's left?
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Do we need MENS LIB?
Posted: 4/22/2012 12:13:44 AM
"There are some women out there who have loyalty, devotion, are supportive, maintain a home and respect their hardworking man."



Just not Any of the posters on these forms.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Sex texting questions
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:09:02 PM
I do not see anything that wild in your profile. Guys will see what they want to see in amy pic. If you were in a Burka it would have been your eyes. The guy was just pushing things along faster than you wanted to go. You either go Next or retrain him. Same old dating choice one has their whole lives.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Spirituality and attraction
Posted: 4/15/2012 6:20:10 PM
OP I am not sure why you think that a "spiritual" person would be different. Spirituality isn't a flight from being human or from anything. It is an acceptance of what Is in all it's forms. Compassion.

True Love isn't about looking above or beyond anything, nor acquiring. It is quite natural that you'd have deeper feelings and Love for those nearest to you, since they would be more available for the focus of your time.

As far as physical attraction, a truly "spiritual" person is still human. The only difference would be, I guess you could say, the range of their acceptance. One sees beauty in areas that one did not before. Yet that now comes with a burden of more honesty. Compatibility comes more into play than pure looks. At that point a stunning beauty is a turn off without other inner qualities. One not judged beautiful by many others can be stunning, in the right place and time.

Really it is foolish to use words and labels to even talk about insights since only those that have gone through it understand. But what the heck, one could almost say "spirituality" is True Maturity that one may get zapped with at Any age.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Should I feel slighted?
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:16:18 PM
"Several months ago a man wrote and called me several times...kept promising to meet but never came through. I got the impression he had other interests from his lack of wanting to meet seriously and he finally disappeared. Suddenly he showed up again and wanted to meet. I was fairly curt with him and just said I wasn't interested anymore. Do you think this was inappropriate...Should I have felt slighted? Thanks for your input."

Maybe the guy was Totally smitten by you! He decides that before you meet he just has to lose 30 lbs! He doesn't want to string you along just in case you have something else going, yet he knows you will not go any longer without meeting his out of shape self. He didn't know he would fall so hard for you!

He runs off and joins the gym. Now, a couple months later, he is ripped and fit in body and mind. Ready for the rest of his life he calls you, his Love, his hope for the future, first!! Only to be smacked down because he tried to do what was best for you.

Poor guy.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:00:00 PM
Most of the time when a woman sends the first message it is to give you their unsolicited opinion on something in your profile that they do not like, or to psychoanalyze you. It is a waste of time to respond unless your are really bored at that moment.

Some wish to show empathy for something. A woman actually initiating a "get to know" kind of message is so rare you are left wondering what the catch is! Lol
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How come women can seek friends online without worry of a hidden agenda?
Posted: 4/14/2012 8:48:52 PM
I assume that most women here are just here for chat friends.
The rest are here for the forums.

The small percentage that use the site as intended are left wondering why no one responds to them.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 6:38:15 PM
"Now if I'm interested in someone I put them on my favorites list, they are notified of this and I figure if a guy is interested, he'll contact me. "


Ooops!! I never knew this.

I come here so seldom that I thought I'd just put someone on a Fav list so that later I could find them and look their profile over again. Then I could think longer about them. Lol

Well no Favorite ever contacted me, or if they did it was when I wasn't here so the system deleted it, so no harm I guess.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 294 (view)
 
Can culture advance without religion?
Posted: 4/14/2012 8:55:24 AM
It is so nice that there are a few people like A_Gent who have the energy to post as he has done here. Though I do think that if ones world view hasn't expanded to the point you are describing there is no possibilty that your readers can get it. Scientism has it's place but unlike most isms it's followers do not even see that it is their faith. Just another niche in what is and nothing more.

I would not be surprised that on any given planet the course of evolution would always break down into this same pattern that humans here have and with about the same divisions and percentages of isms. I also do not believe that our future will hold much change of that pertcentage breakdown. Unless of course our future is a Borg like one devoid of that which is human.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
I can't be alone...really?
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:03:45 PM
I do not see why anyone would want to be alone. What in their life caused that? I think Loving is the point of life. While loving the people I take care of in business is good. Loving the kids and grand kids is better. Yet I have never found any Love that can surpass the work of Love that can be done in a relationship.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 458 (view)
 
Should men color the gray
Posted: 3/8/2012 8:11:44 PM
Color the Gray? I try to not even touch my hair for fear that another will fall out!!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Dating vs Long Term as Status
Posted: 3/8/2012 8:07:11 PM
I have never known a woman that knows what she wants so I do not pay much attention to her stated profile intentions. They will probably change by the time I meet her anyway. It is one of the great mysteries of life! You will just have to trick her into revealing her intentions by talking to her about them.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/8/2012 7:55:48 PM
I think women who state that their family comes first are just being honest. There are times when family must come first even though you wish otherwise or have some time for meeting others. People with kids of any age can get sucked into their kid's drama.

Now a phone is a different issue. If you can't shut it off for an hour or two then at least let the other person know there is an issue that may pop up that you feel might require your attention. Otherwise my phone is off and the family, work, and clients already know I am busy when I do not answer.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
New and Improved at 66?
Posted: 3/8/2012 7:41:50 PM
When I see women that have had work done their smile always reminds me of the Joker in the Batman movies.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:16:03 PM
Carolann "We were all virgins once, why the need for the big reveal? Thee is no law that states you have to bare your soul or your ass to everyone you date."


When did this change happen?? I have always thought it was both!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
 
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/24/2011 5:33:32 PM
One more thing to add for my first dates! A health Insurance card.

I thought you women only needed blood tests, criminal records, 401 K statement, Loan papers, credit card balances, credit report, last Physical, bank statement, Educational paperwork, business license and accounting reports, Mortgage balance, Clear titles on the home and properties,... and now this! I will need a larger dating briefcase!

Women! Dating is sure a lot harder than the last time I did it!
As A guy I hadn't even come up with a list. I was just hoping you had a functioning brain. No wonder so many over 45 are single.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:23:35 PM
Drestin.Red " "
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Am I being selfish or is she?
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:14:36 PM
Do you really expect that after dating 5 months that you now have or even should have a higher position in this girls heart than her own family?
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 71 (view)
 
What Human Achievement is Worth All the Misery We Create?
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:07:54 PM
This has all been nothing but preperations for life to split this cell we call Earth and make another out there in space! So do not get hung up in the human inventions of calendars and time!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 263 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 10/21/2011 7:57:06 PM
Charlie, I was with you at being just tossed into this dating thing, but you lost me at taking a real look at myself!! I tossed the mirrors out at 45!!!

Now I just sit here an wonder why all these OLD women message me!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 126 (view)
 
why a meal on the first date?
Posted: 10/21/2011 7:49:09 PM
Wait! If I do not have "sparks" and see visions of us being in rocking chairs on the porch together, or tumbling in the grass, my meeting someone is worthless???

Damn I am always the last to know these rules! Does this apply in some way to my business lunches too?
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Why do I think he'll be back?
Posted: 10/21/2011 7:44:47 PM
ahh I so remember Roberta!! What a vison of lovelyness! Such grace. What a smile she had, and that hair... We were meant for each other! Never mind we were only in the 5th grade and her dad got a job in another city. This was True Love!!

A slice of my heart forever taken! Yet, She and that sunny summer are forever locked in my mind.

Sometimes our dreams are just not what is real nor meant to be.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Skid Marks (what marks are you leaving, or do you want to leave, in this life?)
Posted: 10/21/2011 7:35:03 PM
I grew up at a time of generational change in our family. It felt like I lived at funerals! Thank God we were Irish and they were a party! Yet many were filled with regrets.

So I learned young not to do stuff I would regret and didn't have time to undo. Do unto others... is quite simple really. Yet, to follow that path one needs the energy and focus to always be in the moment. Then all one does is walk on. Looking back one has few regrets or guilt, since you knew you did the best one could at the time.

It is quite amazing what is then called into your life and presented before you.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 104 (view)
 
what are some of the times you most miss a relationship-not the obvious ones
Posted: 10/16/2011 7:12:29 AM
Those who wrote the missing of the Ritual Sunday dinners added another good/sad one to miss. Also the Holiday dinners here in the home. Those are things you really can't do as a dater since while dating you have not gotten to the point of creating you own new rituals yet.

And the lady who wrote the grab-assing in the kitchen has another point. Ahh the kisses on her neck while she attempts to chop the veggies!!

This really is a bittersweet thread!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 73 (view)
 
what are some of the times you most miss a relationship-not the obvious ones
Posted: 10/13/2011 8:45:43 PM
This thread was going so well and then BooM! Hehe
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Does anyone else just like the bad ones? Think I like that they keep me on my toes, but why??
Posted: 10/1/2011 1:21:55 AM
All people have triggers that they have developed over the course of their lives. Many of these were set in us while we were young and in school working on various pecking orders. I tend to wonder if we ever truly grow up.

Later in life one just doesn't follow the urges that we have quite so blindly, yet they still exist and fire off in our bodies and minds. So in a sense we end up with this conscious and unconscious sliding scale of needs. On one end the "bad boys and girls" and on the other end our moms and dads or those we respected the most.

We are never really happy until we can grasp our own world view clearly enough that we own it as ours and just see the snakes in our path and go around them.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Mexico City Considers Temporary Marriage Licenses
Posted: 10/1/2011 12:49:49 AM
I was very surprised by this. I have always had a lot of respect for the Mexican family values. They remind me of the values I grew up with and were the basis of my life. I kind of hate to think that they may change or have changed this much. Hispanic ladies always seemed stronger because of their cultural upbringing.

I guess I am not much for this modern melting pot, instant gratification stuff. Every culture has it's strengths and theirs has a beauty I'd like to see stay strong.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Is there really UNCONDITIONAL love?
Posted: 9/2/2011 8:34:04 PM
Love is unconditional. It just IS or is not. I do firmly believe that most people will never experience it. They are too busy planning something.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
what are some of the times you most miss a relationship-not the obvious ones
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:28:04 PM
I have to go with the pillow talk early on a weekend morning. Laying in bed holding each other and listening to the birds outside the window. Just being lazy for a little while. And also the cooking together. Hugs while she tries to chop the veggies. In the end it is the little things that make up a life.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
I wish I could tell you I love You ...but not yet
Posted: 8/19/2011 8:49:21 PM
"Thank you all for the advice. Evidently as I learned over the past 24 hours...she bolted for money....gold digger....New man was all flash - I know who he is now through a colleague. LOL because last week I bought myself a new Supercharged Range Rover like the one she pined over in June in a parking lot. I guess the next lady will enjoy it...Sometimes things are not always what they seem on the surface...I guess I kept my secret too. The Explorer wasn't good enough I guess. "


Wait. You bought what last week???

I think I will have to go with you Both were not ready for new relationships yet.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
WOW... didn't see this coming
Posted: 8/19/2011 8:01:53 PM
I don't think the OP's situation can be compared to a soldier losing a friend in battle, or anyone losing a friend or loved one on their own. The OP was pregnant with this man's child. They both lost the baby, not just him. If he is someone who is going to go off and get depressed and mourn on his own and completely shut her out and ignore her own pain, then he is someone she does not need in her life: he is a cruel, thoughtless and selfish child.



This. I can not escape the fact that 6 weeks after losing a baby he goes silent on a 1 year relationship. Wow
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Single After A Decade - I'm Needing Feedback
Posted: 8/19/2011 7:50:42 PM
OP
You can make the first move. On here you are just bumping into someone and making a comment to them. It takes awhile to learn if their crazy is acceptable or not!

I would not expect a single mom to pay and your idea of making dinner is a very good one. I like taking turns in paying after a few dates and your making dinner is a plus.

Sex is as it always has been. Everyone has different ideas and values. Be yourself and fish with the bait you want to use knowing that there are many types of fish swimming in this pond.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
tell him your in love with him
Posted: 8/19/2011 7:26:27 PM
If I was you I would say what you have said in this thread. If you are talking about a future with someone then openly talking about what you feel and your worries is a natural part of growing closer together.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Weigh In (figuratively!) on This One,?
Posted: 8/8/2011 8:12:49 PM
I have to wonder if one can meet one their own age! I have a broke friend who is now living with a 24 year old and another that is retired and has a 36ish year old chasing him. While I play by "the rules" and still believe in having lived some common time/year based experiences with a woman.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
How quickly could you enter into a committed relationship.....??
Posted: 8/8/2011 7:57:42 PM
The woman I was with for 17 years until her death was a Harry met Sally relationship. Met her as a friends friend. Bumped into her many times over the years and we talked a bit each time. I had not seen her nor talked to her for 4 years and then one day we met again when I was 35. Spent a couple weeks seeing each other and moved in together. I think the only sparks we had was when she pulled up to my house with all her stuff and that was probably more shock than anything!

*shrug* there is No Right Way!!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Code words
Posted: 8/8/2011 7:42:23 PM
"Only used a code word with one guy.....and it was just one of those comments that I said at the bar one night.......and it stuck.

"We need to go home and feed the kitty"


Lol I think this is a winner!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
WOMEN IN LOVE
Posted: 8/8/2011 7:37:12 PM
Is she having any contact with her Ex?
She said "Here is the real kicker she said to me that she does not want him to know where she lives because she is afrade it might start back up and she does not want to be with a drunk and lier" he got out last week but is in new york.

Nothing strange about her wanting to start new somewhere but if those are his two sons then sooner or later he will reappear. Also nothing strange about a woman loving an ex. So as always the question is have you two talked about this? Sometime I wonder about adults now days!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Does taking it slow = friend zone!?
Posted: 8/8/2011 7:19:36 PM
She is 20 and has said that you are basically the first guy that she has dated this long. I am not sure why you should expect her to know what she wants or should do. All I can say is about the only pressure I would be putting on her is talking to her about her feelings. If you like her, enjoy your dates, and have nothing else going on, then what does it hurt? Have fun.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 213 (view)
 
Would You Become Involved Romantically with Mr. or Ms. Right? If S/he Has Herpes?
Posted: 8/1/2011 10:08:09 PM
No I wouldn't. I would hope the other person would have told me long before things got romantic. If they didn't then that would be a Huge red flag anyway.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
I need some help with something...
Posted: 8/1/2011 9:38:09 PM
Normally I would Always stay out of it. In this case, since he is a preacher, I would go above him and let them know what kind of a preacher they have.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Is it a science?
Posted: 7/31/2011 10:49:37 AM
Science gives neurotics something they can endlessly do.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
On Buddhism
Posted: 7/31/2011 10:23:36 AM
Buddhism is only the boat which one uses to set sail from the endless chain of thoughts, which are the past and future, to begin to realize that which Is.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 7/31/2011 9:44:50 AM
Years ago men who desired these stayover relationships were called players who couldn't commit! Now women want to be non commited too. I think so many people have failed in their relationships that they are now afraid of relationships. It is just too much work for ME me me! Of course it was always the others fault for these failed relationships!

Facebook and tweets are as close as many can handle now unless it is with their kids whom they have power over.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 134 (view)
 
How come some of you all have been on this site for more then 3 and 4 years
Posted: 7/28/2011 8:09:37 PM
It takes months to uncover a womans true hidden crazy. Then Months to decide to try again. Wash and repeat.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
One partner ever - what are the options?
Posted: 7/28/2011 7:59:32 PM
OMG my wife while alive was suppose to be interested in my guy stuff??? I am always the last to know.

How about finding things you Both like and leave her her space for her things, and your space for your things. I'd also suggest finding some part of her things that you can get into. If you can not then at least you can help her to create a space for her things.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/28/2011 7:51:48 PM
I had 3 sisters and was taught by Nuns. I learned early in life that being with a woman long term, day after day is like having a pack of very unstable chemicals strapped to your back. One must never forget that the smallest misstep Will be very painful. One needs to always have their mind focused on the current stability of these chemicals and the environment around them!! One cannot read too much into yesterdays stability nor dream of tomorrows. One must always posses various neutralizing material things at hand to quickly apply to this bag of unstable chemicals at the slightest sign of fluctuations!! Flowers, massages, bubble baths, perfumes, SHOES, jewelry, day outside in the sun... one never knows what one may need to apply to step back from assured mutual destruction!!

It just Is what it is fellow grasshoppers. If you can't deal with the reality buy a pit bull.
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 118 (view)
 
what to tdo when girls reveals past rape......
Posted: 7/28/2011 6:54:01 PM


I read the original post as a sign that the woman was growing closer to the guy and opening up. Like many have said if that is the first time a woman has said that to you then you have not dated much. If you can't handle women with stories then you are in for a rough dating life!
 Taoistic1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Do I have the right to be angry about this?
Posted: 7/28/2011 6:36:07 PM
she got an email and was curious and clicked. You went on the dating site and were curious about her activities and clicked. Sounds like a couple of humans to me. I do not see this as anything more than something to talk about.
 
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