Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Almost no interest on POF...
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Almost no interest on POF...
Posted: 5/27/2014 10:55:25 PM

That's just the way of POF. It's why I gave up long ago, and I just come here for the forums. An interesting aside, I get emails saying "so and so" wants to "meet me". But if I go and look who has viewed me, it's never the ones that are said to want to meet me. So there's definitely something amiss with POF.


It doesn't always show you when someone views your profile. I've had the same thing happen to me. If a woman said she wants to meet you, she at least likes your pics, so you've got a good chance with her.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dating a person who works third shift
Posted: 5/26/2014 7:13:20 PM
I work third shift now, and while it definitely makes things more difficult, it doesn't make anything impossible. My GF and I still find time to see one another, we just don't get as many overnighters as we would like.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/26/2014 4:57:04 PM

I think they are just being honest about what to expect in a relationship when they say their kids come first. For example, you know that their kids will take priority over your kids and vice versa (maybe they have 4 kids and they don't want to be paying for or watching your kids when they need to worry about their own kids). Whether you want to deal with that is up to you, but at least you know what you are getting into upfront.


I think they are pointing it out because it has been a problem for them in the past. This is why some of the single moms I know say they mention it. They might have to cancel dates often, or something along those lines, and whoever they're dating gets tired of it.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Where exactly am I going wrong?
Posted: 5/22/2014 5:56:26 PM

Giving a f*ck, that's the problem. When you give a f*ck, you give power to other people, to influence how you should feel. Try not giving a f*ck (about actually getting a response), and see how quickly you get over it.


1: This is true. If you think a particular girl is awesome, reel that crap in. Sad, but true. If you can't stop caring, fake it.

2: Get some good pics. If you have a female friend you trust, get her to help you. Have her take your pics, even go so far as to have her tell you what to wear. Pics are everything on here.

3: While truckers advice on here about unique messages is sound, I wouldn't bother. Sending a unique message might get you a response, but it won't get you a date. I used to send out unique, thoughtful messages, and while my response rate went up, I still wasn't getting dates. Pics are everything. This cannot be overstated.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
So this is going to be difficult and awkward...
Posted: 5/22/2014 5:46:03 PM

Start taking trips with her, which involve a bit of footwork. Trick her into working out, lol.


I love this technique. I've done this a few times myself. Plus, it's more fun than hitting the gym.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 5/22/2014 5:37:31 PM

I'm beginning to think that dating is becoming extinct. I was on the other free dating site this morning and clicked on 3 or 4 profiles in a row where they were just looking for friends. You can't even join a DATING site to find dates anymore.


You can pretty much ignore that whole "looking for friends" thing. If you meet that girl, and she is into you, you're still gonna get laid. Most of the women posting that stuff just aren't relationship material is all.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Meet women with common interests through forums/chat?
Posted: 5/22/2014 5:33:23 PM

That makes total sense, but to know when you're participating in a discussion that appears to be heading that direction, then it's your option to choose to not participate further. I know I can think right off of several threads, one I started myself, that I've chose to not contribute to any further.


It's cool if someone decides not to continue a conversation because they don't like the direction it's going in, I've done the same thing. That's a choice. It's different when forums get moderated to the point where, once something is said that the moderators don't agree with, it gets deleted. I've seen this happen many times on many different forums.


Within reason," Key phrase. Who draws the line of what's "within reason". I can tell you how that's applied here, the volunteer moderators make that decision as to how a post falls in line with the forum posting rules.


I decide what is within reason, of course! I kid. I think the key is to have fewer rules. The more rules you have, the less diversity you will find there.


I'll just make an educated guess that you've never invested time creating or moderating a message board of any type. If to just people have their say, then it's the wild, wild west in cyberland. I'd be happy to send you a link to start a free message board, go through the learning process of setting it up and if you HAVE people that want to participate, or leave it public, I'd be glad to send you multiple links, however because they either weren't moderated at all...they pretty much all POOF out of cyberspace.


You would be guessing correctly. I have enough on my plate as it is without starting my own message board. Besides, usually a message board out there for any interest someone might have.


I can understand why you may not be aware, because this forum and site is so well monitored that it'd be SOOO rare that you could pull up a post, much less a thread ON HERE, that would be an example of what I'm talking about. I see them, but they have a very short shelf life.


There are also very few active members here, and all the posts that are made all lead down the same path. I wouldn't use this site as an example of a well run forum.

Back to the topic, I like the idea of meeting a lady on a forum site. Especially if it is one that caters to some sort of special interest. If you'd like to find a girl with common interests, a forum might be a great place. I think most people wouldn't mind traveling a bit for the right person.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Meet women with common interests through forums/chat?
Posted: 5/21/2014 7:49:19 PM

I understand why the site owner did that, the forums get to be a big pain to monitor. It doesn't matter what "guidelines" you post, or like mine, it was a private invitation only so it was all people I knew or friends of people I knew. It degraded into violation of very simple "rules", no sex talk and no bashing. I logged in and saw the conversations that were posted while I was asleep...it was disgusting. These people were all "mature" people, mostly 40's and 50's a few 6o's and a few 30's. I had to start handing out the bans and the website fell off like a house of cards. It was only a few (doesn't this remind you of school age children?) but they contacted others and gave a different version of why they were banned.


I don't see the point in tightly monitoring any forums or message boards. I think many of them get regulated to the point where it becomes a waste of time to bother with them. Why bother contributing to a conversation that you know will just be deleted soon? Within reason, I think forums should be left as they are. Let people have their say.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Meet women with common interests through forums/chat?
Posted: 5/21/2014 4:22:54 PM

I've been a member of Plenty of Fish for a while, but I stumbled onto these forums through Google. I think Googled message boards and found out about them. I don't think Plenty of Fish have a link to these forums on their profile pages. I think they should promote them more.


They used to have a link for the forums at the top of their home page, but they took it down for whatever reason. I've also noticed a big drop in forum participation since then.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/20/2014 7:58:34 PM
Heyyyyy, I use Solo cups all the time.....and I'm not a partier....I just prefer to keep my dishes clean.....I like to use paper plates, too....and plastic utensils plus paper towels. But, that's just me......


Lol I've been known to do the same. I was told that was how bachelors do it. Washing dishes isn't my thing.


That's funny! It has been my experience that people with money like to party.....seems like that is all they do!

Of course......no red solo cups for them! ;)


Well, I do live near the beach so a lot of the people here have some cash. Not much else to do besides get plastered at night either.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/20/2014 5:28:34 PM

You have a good point. A lot of guys I know get tired of dating the party girls and start dating older women. It can be difficult to find people that aren't into the party scene or other habits.


Most of the older women around here are still into the party scene too. Even women in their 40's are holding solo cups in their POF pics.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Meet women with common interests through forums/chat?
Posted: 5/20/2014 5:27:30 PM

Yes, I know many people aren't aware, that's why I post about them now and then. At least it's people in your STATE...haha so that's a good start. You can start your own thread about a topic on that forum or look for local events or suggest one. It's just another avenue to meet people


The forums themselves are hard to find these days. I was also unaware of a state by state regional section.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Dating, it's nothing personal, it's a sign of the times?
Posted: 5/20/2014 5:26:20 PM

Interesting.....the same thing is true of men these days. Nice women ALWAYS finish last or worse yet...friendzoned up front with the promise of being able to go to dinner, movies, day trips and they will call you next week......and you never hear from them except for many months, even years down the road with calling you up because they are bored, lonely, their prospects ran dry, and want to get laid.


This does happen, but usually only when a guy doesn't think a particular woman is relationship material.


I have tons of male friends who are what I call 'casual' .... meaning casual sex aka FWB....of course they are more than happy to have.....which I do not go for. Not my style.....


This statement confuses me. Are you saying you have a ton of male FWB, or are you saying you aren't into that sort of thing. You appear to be contradicting yourself, unless I am mistaken.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Single Mothers
Posted: 5/18/2014 8:59:32 PM
I don't normally like to date single moms anyway, but I will definitely pass on any girl who has that "my kids come first" crap in her profile.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Meet women with common interests through forums/chat?
Posted: 5/18/2014 8:57:13 PM
Chat rooms used to rock when it comes to meeting women. Pretty sure most of them are all dead now. The chat rooms, not the women. Before social media really took off, I used to frequent chat rooms all the time. Met some cool people that way.

You might be able to meet someone on internet forums, but I never have, and I frequent quite a few. Then again, I've never actually tried to meet anyone from a forum before either. It can't hurt to try, and if you are thinking about trying it, you probably have the spare time to invest in it. Either way, I think forums can be a great source of information and learning. You win regardless.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Keep or Throw Away Photos after Breaking Up???
Posted: 5/15/2014 8:47:59 PM
Archive. I think I would be upset with myself If i threw away the mementos of my time with another person. I think a lot of us keep an old "shoe box" just for this sort of thing. I have an old steel lockbox in my closet where I keep my memories. I would only be tempted to toss things out if I felt like the lady in question really did me wrong or something like that.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Almost no interest on POF...
Posted: 5/15/2014 8:33:06 PM
Regardless of the site, it is the man who approaches. If you become dependent on women looking at your profile, or contacting you, it will take you 300 years to get one date.


Women actually do send out messages. Most of the successes I had on here were from messages I received from women, not from messages I sent out. Some men have an experience on here similar to most women, where they just field their messages each day and rarely have to send any out.


After all, you’re only trying to find someone who will make you happy for the rest of your life. That’s worth the effort, isn’t it?


Why rely on someone else to make you happy? I make myself happy. When I meet someone, they just join my already happy life. Whenever you rely on other people to make you happy, you're setting yourself up for failure.


OK reveals response rate from " always responds " to " rarely responds " so they may be more likely to respond so as not to deter guys ?


I really liked that feature. Any time OK told me a woman rarely responds, I never bothered messaging her.


I do message women, but I hesitate to put too much time and energy into it. I've been active on online dating sites for going on six years now. I've gone on a sum total four dates (one turned into a seven month relationship). Three of the four women contacted me first. It would seem that's how it works. Of the hundreds (probably thousands at this point) that I've initiated conversation, only one turned into a date. If it's supposed to work the other way, I'm just not seeing it for some reason.


That's pretty much how POF works. Most of the women I messaged didn't respond, but I did end up going out on a few dates with the women who messaged me, as long as they weren't completely wretched.

I wouldn't bother putting much effort into the messages either. If she likes your pics it doesn't matter much what you say, and if she doesn't like your pics, it matters even less what you say.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dating, it's nothing personal, it's a sign of the times?
Posted: 5/14/2014 4:44:01 PM

Yeah, people became more choosy, i don't think it's because of our economy though. I blame "every girl is a princess". There was a time where you had to accept that you're maybe overweight and either have to deal with it, or exercise, not just keep stuffing your face with McDonalds. Kids are being raised, being taught that they can have the entire world. Daddy's little girl deserves only the best guy, except that daddy's little girl is a racist (adjective for promiscuous). But she was taught her entire life that she deserves only the best.


Well said, sir. However, I also think some boys are being raised this way too.


And easy sexual relationships are FAR from becoming a thing of the recent past. It's actually getting easier and easier to just get laid, and harder to find a quality relationship. I've even had the girl come to me about it.... That's every guys dream, until it actually happens.


Very true. I remember a time when it was hard to find a girl willing to just have a one night stand. Nowadays, it's hard to find someone good enough for more than just a hook up.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 179 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 5/12/2014 5:08:42 PM

I get that 99% 0f women on here aren't looking to hook up


They might not be looking to hook up, but they will still do it. I hooked up with every girl I met from POF, and a few of them had that no hookups disclaimer in their profile.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 46 (view)
 
My thoughts on Online dating.
Posted: 5/10/2014 10:03:45 PM

What I keep getting from guys in the forums is that women are going for the 'best deal", and the "best deal" seems to be a rich guy first and foremost. I don't think this is true, at least not for me.


What I usually see on the forums, and what I would also think, would be that by a better deal, most women are just looking for better looking. Like you, they seem to value chemistry above all.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
World in my Eyes
Posted: 5/10/2014 7:34:59 PM
My point was that you are contradicting someone who actually has some knowledge on a topic, when you clearly do not, since the information you offered was mostly untrue. For example, you said...


For one thing, if someone can get it up for one thing(porn) but not for another (live mate) it means it flat out is NOT E.D.


When, in reality, if you cannot achieve, or maintain an erection, whether the reasons being physical or pyschological, it most certainly is ED. That's pretty much the meaning of the term.


If they are psychological (the more common), then other actions are recommended.


Actually, this is untrue. ED is mostly caused by some physical problem.


They will only be helped by addressing the actual cause. That is my point.


This part is correct. Whether ED is caused by physical or psychological issues, the root of the problem must be found for any progress to be made. In the case of internet porn, all one has to do is quit the clown punching every day and all will be well.


You may assume anything you like, and as often happens with assumption, you will be quite wrong.


Oh, I'm wrong on occasion. Just not today.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
World in my Eyes
Posted: 5/10/2014 3:43:25 PM

Actually, the porn "addiction," and the "jerking off too much," AND the associated apparent ED, are all symptoms of something else entirely in such folks.

For one thing, if someone can get it up for one thing(porn) but not for another (live mate) it means it flat out is NOT E.D.


I love the word "actually." Whenever someone uses that word in a conversation with you, you can safely assume they are going to try and look smarter than you somehow. The ironic thing is, the type of person who uses the word "actually" to try and contradict you, is usually the type of person you can count on to be full of crap. Case in point here.

Erectile dysfunction is, basically, a problem getting or keeping erections. The causes of this problem could be physical, as is usually the case, or psychological. Now, as is the case with internet porn addiction, there have been studies that link excessive internet porn use to ED. Some of these men can get an erection while watching porn, but when they are with a live partner, they may have issues. There are theories as to why this is, mostly just saying that the man is now more accustomed to getting his kicks via porn, so his brain is affecting his game...so to speak.

So, the point here is, ED can be caused by an internet porn addiction, among other things, and when your penis doesn't work, that's what we call erectile dysfunction.

Source: An actual education on the topic, and not opinion based on anecdotal evidence.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Going Out Vs. Online Dating
Posted: 5/9/2014 11:31:13 PM

ohenryx- Actually, if you could go WAY back and find out the TRUE origin of this word, it was, in the beginning a GOOD thing.
The term ORIGINATED from farming.
My grandfather (and his brothers) were peanut farmers in Georgia, way back when.
They spent all of their daylight hours farming and got sunburned, especially on the back of their necks. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west, so they began their day working with their backs to the east, because it was cooler (temperature wise) to do so. Because of that, the sunburn was especially bad on the back of their necks, hence the term, redneck.
I loved my grandfather so much, for many reasons, and it makes me sad that what was once a used to mean someone who farmed for a living got twisted into what it means today.
(love you Pop, always and forever)


Not sure Ohenry wants to hear this since he seems to have a problem with the social group of people he likes to call rednecks. So much so that he felt the need to attack these people even though it had almost nothing to do with the topic at hand.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Going Out Vs. Online Dating
Posted: 5/9/2014 8:14:25 PM
You have to choose your venue carefully.


Very true. I would rather hang out at places where I am more likely to run into people with similar interests. There are plenty of clubs that are marketed toward the younger crowd, and being in my mid 30's I would avoid those as well.


First off, absolutely do not go to a redneck bar. Rednecks are not accepting of anyone who isn’t exactly like them, age, appearance, the whole 9 yards.


This is way off. I am far from what anyone would call a redneck, but I was once married into a redneck family, I have some redneck friends, and I've hung out with some redneck groups before. If you found yourself ostracized by a bunch of people you refer to as rednecks, my guess is they had other reasons for doing so besides the ones you mentioned.


Not reading every post, but my $.02 is this is just supposed to be a tool to gain introductions with intention to meet offline in real life. At least that is my intention.....but I am not allowed even the distinct respect of a reply much less to meet in person where the real truth comes out. I take this profile business with a grain of salt.


Welcome to the internet, the world of no consequences.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 7:44:21 PM
The only reason a man should be on POF is to find random hookups. Despite what everyone calls it, this is NOT a dating site. It's pretty easy to find a girl on here for a random hookup as long as you don't mind dating down a bit. That is the key for men online, dating down. If a woman doesn't like your pics, she won't respond. Plenty of better looking guys already messaging her for random hookups, so she thinks she can do better than you. That's the game here, either play it, or leave. You won't change it.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
World in my Eyes
Posted: 5/9/2014 7:28:24 PM

Men I have known are not capable of sex, because they actually jerking off too much.


This is quite possible. There is a link internet porn addiction and ED in some men. However, in the case of some of the women I've seen around, I'd rather just go with the internet porn anyway.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 117 (view)
 
What has your dating experience been like in your 30's?
Posted: 5/6/2014 9:04:49 AM
ItRob: Actions speak louder than words. Some women really do want a decent guy, and you can tell who they are cause they're actually dating nice guys. Any woman who says they want a nice guy but can't find one is full of it. She's dating douchebags because that's what she likes.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Frustrated and confused
Posted: 5/1/2014 8:47:49 PM
The ball is in her court to get back in touch with you. If she doesn't, then you're going to need to move on.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
More than a hook up?
Posted: 5/1/2014 1:01:25 PM
It is not odd for an older guy to be into a younger girl. I'm also 35 and before I met my girlfriend, I found myself hanging out, and dating much younger women. You young ladies tend to have a spark of life in you that dies off around 28 or so.

The biggest issue I've found as an older guy dating a younger girl is the difference in life stages. If he is 35 and you are 21, odds are, you will be in such different places in life that anything besides casual dating may become difficult. Still, everyone is different, and what works for you is what matters.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 78 (view)
 
This may be the reason why you're getting no results
Posted: 4/29/2014 12:15:31 PM
All the posts since my last one are reinforcing my old idea of hitting on the average friend over the hot girl. Getting the cold shoulder from the hottie because she prefers one of the other guys hitting on her does nothing to improve your confidence. Sure, it might work for you sometimes, but you'll usually have much better luck with the average girl, especially if you're an average guy.

This conversation also shows just how shallow people are. Why are so many people obsessed with hooking up with the most attractive person possible? I recently got hit on by a sexy 21 year old girl. Even if I was single I wouldn't date her. Why? She takes about 10 self is a day and posts them on social media just to collect "likes." I'll pass.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 69 (view)
 
This may be the reason why you're getting no results
Posted: 4/28/2014 1:16:00 PM
It took me a while, but I eventually learned this just isn't a great place to meet women, especially not for me. Just do what a lot of guys are doing these days, and use other social media sites to meet ladies. You're much more likely to get a response on one of those since it isn't a dating site, even if you do use them as one. I met my current lady friend on Facebook. You get much better results.



why waste an evening at a bar or club trying to talk over very loud music to some hottie being hit by 10 other guys, when I can hit on 20 very hot women online while still in my underwear, eating a slice of cold pizza.


Why hit on the same hottie the other 10 guys are hitting on? I hit on the more average looking friend of that hottie. Not only does it bug the hottie that you didn't hit on HER, you're more likely to find success with the average looking girl. Besides, get your foot in the door with the group and you could be with the hottie soon enough, and on better footing than you would have been at the bar competing with 10 other dudes.


and the site we met wasn't a dating site, but a forum site, so she liked the responses I gave and decided to fly out from the midwest to meet me for Valentine's Day.


Prime example of why dating sites aren't all that. On a forum site, there is much more for a woman to judge you on than your looks alone.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 162 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 4/26/2014 5:05:32 PM
Being "friends first" with a woman is a waste of time. While a man spends his time being friends with the woman he is interested in, some guy will almost certainly skip all that crap and get right down to the sex. Besides, when I want a friend, I have guys I can hang out with.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Would you date a woman that is pregnant?
Posted: 2/25/2014 7:49:13 PM
Date, no. Have sex with, sure.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Being a rocker/metalhead - lying to her/myself (on topic)
Posted: 2/18/2014 2:39:07 PM
I used to have long hair and cut it when I hit 30 or so. It just felt like the right time for me to do so. I still rock the heavy metal tees often, and my taste in music, which is similar to yours, hasn't really changed much.

When I did have long hair, I also noticed that quite a few women were put off by it. However, something else I noticed was that the 10% or so that weren't put off by the long hair, LOVED it! I might have had a bunch of women tell me they didn't like the hair, but I didn't mind, because the women I ended up dating were always beautiful.

Be yourself, man. If some women don't like your hair, forget them. If you feel anything like I did at the time, like my long hair was almost a statement about who I was as much as it was a hairstyle, it's more important to stay true to that then it is to get a date with someone you probably wouldn't like anyway.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 443 (view)
 
can a woman get spoiled by a BIG penis???
Posted: 2/10/2014 5:49:13 PM

BBW are tighter, or so I've been told.


Untrue. This is just something big girls like to say.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Unique dilemma -what would you do?
Posted: 1/26/2014 7:38:54 AM

OP, I agree with Mowtown Girl. This is 21st century USA - ANY guy approaching a woman IRL is looked at as a creep, stalker, or harasser. Best to keep it online.


This is only true if she isn't interested in you.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Girlfriend Stayed the night at her friends house (male)
Posted: 1/26/2014 7:36:59 AM

So, is there anything in this relationship left to save, or are these red flags and I should tell her we should break up for good and possibly stay friends?


I'd leave her. She just isn't relationship material. May as well stay friends with her though, because she will probably stay the night at your house every now and then so you can still get laid while you're looking for a better woman.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Ideal length of time between dates/hangout?
Posted: 1/25/2014 7:41:22 AM
This all depends on the circumstances of your relationship with the person. I've been with women who stayed the night with me on the first date and never left my side after. With my current girlfriend, we see one another a couple times per week. Both scenarios work just fine. Honestly, someone would have to be pretty special for me to stick around if I could only see her once every couple weeks.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Unique dilemma -what would you do?
Posted: 1/25/2014 7:35:56 AM
It depends on how much effort it would require to hook up with her in the real world. If she was a waitress at a local bar, I might start going in for drinks and take it from there. I prefer to meet people off POF anyway.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Did this Kill ANY Chance I had?
Posted: 1/23/2014 6:49:25 AM

She knows this but I don't know I just never really took the huge plunge.


If she knew you were interested in her, and she was actually interested in you, she most likely would have made a move herself. She would have at least let you know she was into you in some way.


I tried going a different direction than most guys take with her and take things slow and let things just play out on it's own


You see where that got you? Don't do that again.


However today I thanked her cause shes always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to.


This is bad. A woman should feel like you are the strong one and that she can come to you when she is upset, not the other way around.


So afterwards she said Anytime I love you, you're a great kid I consider you my brother.


Kiss of death here. Not only do you have no shot with her, and this is her heavy handed way of letting you know that, but she also considers you a "kid."


I know I know, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, you'll get over it etc etc, but I'm not sure I'm ready to give up quite yet ...What do you think? Any advice or preferably something positive?


Get over it. In fact, I'd cut her out of your life until you can hang around with her without feeling like you want to be with her still. If that never happens, then you can't be friends with her. All your feelings with her are going to do is keep you preoccupied enough that you'll miss out on any women who might actually be interested in you.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Should I try again?
Posted: 1/23/2014 6:41:32 AM
She blew you off, forget her. Your friends are probably right about her. Many of the women who use online dating these days do things that way. Read the forums long enough and you'll hear tales of people going out on hundreds of dates and still can't find someone they're interested in.

My advice is to quit giving this stuff so much thought. Spend all that time and energy you normally use to think about dating and relationships and focus it on the other aspects of your life. The women will come. From what I've seen, any guy actively LOOKING for a relationship seems to come off as desperate to many women these days. Don't treat women like women, treat them like you would anyone else. Quit pursuing them.

The girl you are referring to sent you to the friendzone. If you had a shot with her, she wouldn't have ever sent you that blow off text. She probably wished you a happy birthday because when she did blow you off, you didn't get all butthurt over it. Since she probably thinks you're a nice guy, she wants to be friends. That means you have zero chance with her, just to be clear.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Girlfriend Stayed the night at her friends house (male)
Posted: 1/22/2014 8:50:05 AM
If you've had a good relationship with this girl for the past year, I wouldn't make any rash decisions. She may actually just be unaware that she has done something many people would feel to be wrong. I would have a talk with her and tell her how you feel about this sort of thing. If she agrees that she won't be having any inappropriate relationships with men again, good. If not, just break it off. Like others have said, her actions have compromised your trust for her, and trust is rather important. Stand your ground.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Sick of online dating, but know of nothing else!
Posted: 1/13/2014 9:39:45 AM

Those are some hot lookin' boots".


When I first read this, I thought you said, "Those are some hot lookin' boobs." I know that approach never worked for me!
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 12:37:40 PM
Break means break up.


being controlling about when "he" makes a decision that it's over or not.


Sigh. I really do get tired of men always being accused of being controlling. Is he putting a gun to your head? No Can you make a decision for yourself? Yes. You're not being controlled.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 132 (view)
 
Orgasms from penetration alone
Posted: 1/6/2014 11:10:58 AM

There have been times I've been in missionary/doggy and been very close to orgasm through penetration alone, but once the rhythm, speed, position, etc changes I will lose it.


Next time, tell your partner, "don't stop!" Should clear that little problem right up!
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Never Had Many Complaints
Posted: 1/4/2014 6:06:11 PM

Wow, talk about misdirection!


I wasn't trying to use misdirection, just pointing out that criticism can go both ways. I used to be with a woman who couldn't ride on top worth a crap. Instead of pointing this sad fact out to her, I let her do other things that she did very well. Why tell her that she sucks on top?


So If he is doing something to me that hurts, irritates me, whatever, I am just suppose to wait for him to move onto to something I like and hope he doesn't do the other thing ever again? That makes absolutely no sense! You are implying that by saying I don't like it, I am criticizing him, nope just saying I don't like it.


If a guy is doing something that really hurts you, you'd be silly not to steer him away from whatever painful thing he was doing. Some guys even like to hear this sort of thing, especially if the pain has something to do with his manhood lol.


So you see lookinfouryoutoo, I would say that more men and women care to get the feedback both positive and negative, because just cause it worked for the last guy/girl doesn't mean it will work for the next one and how the h3ll are we suppose to get it right if no one says anything?


That last line of yours there makes me think that your problem with sex isn't in your communication, but in your approach. I would never dream of having sex with my girl the same way I did any of my exes. I would feel as if I was doing her a disservice. I approach each new woman like it's my first time ever having sex. I seriously can't believe so many people out there just try to do what their ex liked all the time. So sad.


I am guessing you are one of the "never had many complaints" group, since apparently if something doesn't work, you simply break up.


You're right, I am. However, I never said that I've had to break up over sex not going right either, because I haven't. I said I would prefer a woman break things off if I wasn't pleasing her, but so far, that hasn't happened.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Never Had Many Complaints
Posted: 1/4/2014 2:19:38 PM

now see.....this confuses me!
We're only allowed to say what we like, but not allowed to say what we don't like???

and ya'll say women are overly sensitive!! LOL


Anyone who cares about the feelings of others should, by adulthood, be able to communicate things to people in a way that doesn't hurt them. I'm sure plenty of men don't like it when their woman gains weight, or does her hair in some stupid, trendy way but a woman would be hurt if we said "babe, you're getting fat." Instead of focusing on the negative, by saying what you don't like that your lover is doing, you should focus on what you do enjoy. So many people like to say on here that confidence is sexy, but I'm sure it isn't easy to be confident if your woman is telling you she doesn't like how you have sex with her.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 1/3/2014 1:20:03 PM

I've found that single mothers put their children first (duh, right?), themselves second, family third, friends fourth, pets fifth, and then boyfriends last.


Ha, true! Now, here we have a guy with some experience in this scenario. I have run into quite a few that put themselves before their children though.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Never Had Many Complaints
Posted: 1/2/2014 2:00:38 PM

Common denominator is this equation is you!!


Of course it is. This is MY life we are talking about. I am the common denominator in pretty much everything over here. Nice observation. What I have noticed, in my me as the common denominator experiences, is that people either are, or are not good at certain things, sex being one of those things. I've had women who were meh at giving a BJ ask me how I like it done, yet when told, they still aren't so good at it. I also used to date a young woman who had only been with one other guy, and I would have thought she was an professional. She didn't need instruction, she could just do it. We clicked.


.I'd say you will never understand the subtle nuances of "sexy talk" between 2 partners!


I understand the "subtle nuances of sexy talk" just fine, but like I said before, my experiences with those talks seem to differ from your own. I've never had to have a woman instruct me on how to please her in the bedroom, nor do I like to waste time in teaching a woman what I like. My pillow talk experiences have been a sharing of what we each liked about one another, not the things we need to do differently.


If you're profile and comments here are any indication of your communication abilities


My profile is pointless since I'm not single and not here for dating. I only maintain it because it's mandatory to do so on this site if I want to participate in the forums. Your little jab at my communication abilities is cute.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 68 (view)
 
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/1/2014 10:17:41 AM

i would ask her why she lied to me.........i mean the constant lies...about everything

aside from that..........i have or feel nothing for her


These types of questions are pointless. People lie because they are liars. Like they say, the simplest answer is usually the right one. In the case of people, I almost always go with that one. Liars lie, cheaters cheat, ect. To try and look into this sort of thing any further is an exercise in futility.
 
Show ALL Forums