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 Author Thread: Have you ever regretted turning someone down?
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Have you ever regretted turning someone down?
Posted: 3/23/2014 4:33:30 PM
Lol...I'm surprised he did'nt. He was really p*ssed off I turned him down. But he's not blocked me.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Pretending to be single
Posted: 3/23/2014 4:29:15 PM
Dude, sorry you've had this problem. One thing i've learnt is that people behave differently online than they do in person. We all have two sides to us and some people feel they can live out one side online without consequences. In real life if you lie, you'll likely get caught out because people are watching you especially those who know you. Online who knows you?

Hence the lies start e.g saying ''I'm 6ft and athletic'' when in fact you're 5ft and overweight. Who knows this online? No one but yourself so you can deceive people. Why are there women with boyfriends on here claiming to be single? There could be a multitude of reasons. None of them acceptable.

Bad luck? No! There are many decent women on here but there's nowt you can do to find out if they're truly single. Just be cautious and look and listen out for tell tale signs. One is the excuses they give. Do they seem genuine or not? Internet dating can be fun as well as frustrating. Don't give up hope of finding love online. POF is pretty good and i've had quite a few quality dates with guys i've met on here.

Try meeting girls in real life too. This will help build your social life where you live now and you may make friends too. Join a club, gym or attend college if you feel the need to gain qualifications for your CV. Anything basically that'll help both your love and social lives. I'm sure this will all pass soon and you'll be enjoying good dates with lovely single women. I don't know how long you've lived where you are now but give yourself time to settle in and make friends. Maybe new friends can introduce you to single girls they know etc
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Have you ever regretted turning someone down?
Posted: 3/23/2014 3:58:43 PM
Furom, my bad when I said touched me, he was actually trying to put his hand on mine and around my shoulder, and kept drawing me in for a hug and kiss. Nothing dangerous otherwise I would have been out of there, just not stuff appropriate for a first date.

I'd have loved to tell him that so someone else does'nt have to spend a date dodging his hugs and hand clutches. But having said that, maybe that's why he's still single. I'm confident just wary about turning someone down mid date/cutting it short in case of confrontation. So i'm always polite and will a few days later turn them down. My body language may have indicated I was rude because I was trying to show my confidence.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Would you date a ‘psychologist’ and/or someone working within a similar profession?
Posted: 3/23/2014 3:34:18 PM
Lightstar1, I do lie about my profession sometimes then, I feel guilty because i've worked SO hard to get to where I am. As psychologists we specialise in different fields. So when someone finds out I treat patients who have mild to severe mental disorders, they think I'M crazy...lol Then there's the questions like ''What's a mental asylum like?'' or ''Has a patient ever tried to kill you?''

You can either laugh it off or lie about your profession. I'm returning to the dating world after focusing on my career so this is new to me too. How dates react to my profession and all that, is so different now.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Have you ever regretted turning someone down?
Posted: 3/23/2014 3:20:09 PM
Haha, my last first date went ''well''. I phoned my date the next day to say thanks but no thanks, there isn't anything there between us and he said to me ''I'd guessed that as you were quite rude to me'' I was not rude just not attracted to him and he kept wanting to touch me so my anger would have been obvious.

But rude! No way! I wish we'd gone on a second date so he could see I'm not a rude person and so I could slap him for trying for a cheap grope...lol But he's entitled to his opinions. I don't believe first dates are enough to get a feel of someone not literally. Nerves, shyness and fear seem to overshadow first dates and then you relax. So maybe the 2nd of 3rd date will tell you what to decide?
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Would you date a ‘psychologist’ and/or someone working within a similar profession?
Posted: 3/23/2014 3:12:56 PM
I'm a Psychologist. Really! I find my career choice a relationship killer though. By that I mean when I first meet someone, I worry about how they'll react when they find out what I do for a living. So I hold back telling them for a while. Good or bad? I'm not sure. I've had guys say things like ''You're not going to psycho analyse me I hope?'' Truthfully, it's hard not to do so as being a Psychologist is part of who I am now.

Sometimes people I meet for the first time feel the need to tell me ALL about themselves once I've mentioned my profession. Others make a run for it...lol It's like they fear I'm going to tell them something disturbing about themselves. We, Psychologists, are not perfect and definately don't know everything about relationships. If we did we'd be able to advise everyone on this planet and heartbreak would never happen again.

We're human too and our jobs can be emotionally breaking. We deal with people with so many different problems that at the end of the day you do take a closer look at yourself and see your own faults. First dates can be uncomfortable i've found since becoming a psychologist. My dates either talk endlessly as if to say ''I'm going to tell you all about myself so you don't analyse me instead'' Some dates pick what they say carefully. I feel like telling them ''It's a date not a psychological evaluation, chill out!'' I can read facial expressions and body language and this can be obvious to a date. So I try hard not to.

But being a shrink is a very fulfilling job and I'm hoping to find a wonderful man to share my successes with me, regardless of my career.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Have you ever regretted turning someone down?
Posted: 3/23/2014 2:52:28 PM
I ask this question because i'm curious to know if anyone on here has ever met someone for a date from POF like I did, had doubts about pursuing anything, ended it and wondered if you'd made the wrong decision?

I realised I did, but he's moved now. I'm just wondering if you have had first meeting regrets and maybe wished you'd gone on a second date before turning the person down? Do first dates tell you all you need to know and see about the other person?
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 6/28/2013 2:02:06 PM
This is an interesting one. I personally don't like men with kids however this isn't always what i get. Because of my age and the fact I like dating older guys, the likelihood of them being divorced with kids etc is high. Some men and women dislike dating someone with kids mainly because they know they'll always be second best (if they're lucky enough to) because a good parent will always put their kids first. It also depends on the children. Are they good, happy kids or troublesome? Is 'the ex' still on the scene? If so, is he/she still bitter from the breakup or happy that their ex partner is moving on?

What's important i guess is not really whether someone has kids. It's important that they're a good parent. How a man/woman treats their kids and ex, is a good indicator of what kind of person they are. It'll show their reliability and patience. Some friends I know who've dated single dads have complained too that it isn't easy to arrange and keep to dates due to money factors (lack of money mostly), babysitting issues and sometimes the kids just don't want their dad going out at all. In one friends case, her boyfriends' son pretended to be ill so his dad would cancel his date and stay at home. My friend called her boyfriend out on this and he was like ''I know my son isn't ill, but what can i do?''

Like i said before, the kids will always come first and while that's not a bad thing, it can create jealousy on both sides.
 keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Men over 50 and sex
Posted: 6/19/2013 2:13:26 PM
I've love dating older men, either 10-12 yrs closer to my age or 45yrs and older and those in their 50's. I've had sex with much older men generally and they've had no problem with ED or anything else. It depends on the man and his health, fitness and aging process. I know some guys in their 30's suffer from ED and even guys in their 20's so it's different for each man. If you do like him then try and be patient and make him feel good. Otherwise he'll be nervous and on edge and therefore struggle in the bedroom. Lol...some 50's men i've dated have been pretty wild and very sexually active wanting sex often.

My best friend who likes older men too, was having sex with an older man recently (over 50) and said he was having difficulties maintaining an erection but that had not affected his arousal and interest in sex. I suggested she try sex toys with her lover to spice things up and to use if he could'nt keep an erection. She's had no complaints ever since. I've heard that men enjoy using toys on their women especially those with ED or other problems. Using toys on his woman will allow him to pleasure her and keep things going sex wise. If you do come across a lovely sexy older man and he can't keep and erection, let him use a toy on you. That should work wonders.

As for low sex drive, that'll take some time and effort but can possible be achieved. Don't let it put you off dating older guys though.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
STIs when 40 plus
Posted: 6/14/2013 2:12:36 PM
This is an interesting post and does apply to those in their late 30's too. I like to date older guys usually about 10-12yrs older. I'm in my late 20's and remain celibate (until i date someone) exclusively. I'm update to date with sexual health issues. The guys I date are not promiscuous and i'm guessing because of their age, they've been there and done that and are looking for exclusive relationships?

But some guys I've dated have been aloof when it comes to STI's and contraception. Not all guys at that age are closed off to that sort of thing but my gentleman friends have been. Depending on the man regardless of age, if he's not sexually active or has little interest in sex, he will go a while without sex and anything associated with contraception and STI testing, is put on the back burner and forgotten. At least that's what i've found with my relationships. One late 30's guy I dated did not have condoms at his house and was embarrassed and annoyed when I questioned this.
 keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
A4e coining it in
Posted: 6/10/2013 3:03:50 PM
I had to have my say on this issue....lol I was unemployed for 2yrs up until last year when I started university full time. As i'm over 25 I was referred to the work programme after 1yr of unenmloyment. What was ridiculous is that I was referred a couple of weeks before Uni started so it was pointless for me to even attend The Work Programme because as soon as I got there, I'd be leaving to start uni. Typical Job Centre, they insisted I attend anyway. I explained to them as i'd be at uni full time, off benefits and studying hard, working was not an option. My student loans cover everything and I'd did my maths in advance and saw I'd be ok financially.

The Job Centre basically told me "You SHOULD get a job when you're at uni, how are you going to survive, why won't you get a job while at uni?'' Ummm..... "I won't be on benefits, signing on etc So what I do at uni is none of your business" was my reply. But they kept on pestering me and prying into my life. Anyway I was referred to a company called Prospectus in Plymouth (UK) and had a telephone interview etc They booked me in to come and see them the friday before uni started and I explained to them that that week, I'd be signing off JSA and HB so there was no point in me coming in to see them. They never got the message and kept writing to me for months while I was at uni threatening to stop my benefits blah blah Ummm....At that point, I was at uni full time, off benefits for months yet they kept phoning and writing to me re-arranging appointments and warning me my benefit would be stopped if I did not attend. WTF!!!

It's obvious the companies running The Work Programme do not communicate with The Job Centre. If they did they'd know I was off benefits. I had to phone Prospectus yet again to get them to stop pestering me. The girl I spoke to there was like ''Oh! Have you found a job? If so when did you start employment and where?....'' She was asking lots of suspicious questions and a friend of mine who too was once on The Work Programme, warned me that the companies who run the ''training'' are known to commit fraud. In his case they were very unhelpful and off his own back he got a job and signed off JSA. He did not even bother to tell Working Links who he was referred to by the Job Centre. They kept phoning him afterwards asking why he'd left? He told them he'd found employment and after that they phoned him non stop asking ''How are you getting on at your new job?'' My friend was angry that they were acting like THEY were the ones who got him the job! He hung up on them on one occasion. Therefore I did not tell Prospectus about me starting uni. Well I did, but gave very little info. No course details, uni name etc though. Because they'd more than likely claim they got ME into uni etc and try and get money from The Job Centre for something they did not help with. I got into Uni on my own with no help from The Job Centre or Work Programme!

Word of advice, if you ever have the misfortune of being referred to these companies, don't inform them when you've found a job on your own via friends or whatever. They will more than likely squeeze info out of you and claim off the government/Job Centre making it look like they got you the job.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Friendship question which may shed light on my love life
Posted: 5/2/2013 6:31:48 AM
Dobbie101. If you did'nt like my post why leave a comment to it that is actually rude and sarcastic? You must hav e alot of time on your hands to go around leaving nasty comments on threads. How old are you? 5 did you say?
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Friendship question which may shed light on my love life
Posted: 5/2/2013 6:20:23 AM
Thanks for the replies. Just to expand on something. I have always maintained my friendships but it was one sided me doing the maintaining not my friends. I do take an interest in people and seek to nuture the friendships I build. I never lead a potential frind on and then reject them or not maintain friendships. I do. That's what is annoying and disheartening. I make the effort and keep at it and the other person does nothing. True, I might be confusing acquaintances with friends and expecting happily ever after before the story has begun.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
PERSONAL HYGIENE!!
Posted: 5/1/2013 9:26:00 PM
I don't care how hot a guy is, if his hygiene is poor, it's just not going to happen
between us. Good hygiene is a MUST for me.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Friendship question which may shed light on my love life
Posted: 5/1/2013 8:37:08 PM
Alot of great replies, very insightful. Thanks. Yes, the age gap between me and the others maybe a barrier. It is obvious to them and to me at times, that we don't have much in common. I'm going to be 30 soon so need I say more? A male friend my age, once said that I'd be suited to dating an older man e.g a decade older. (I seem to only attract older guys anyway). This was after I moaned about my disastrous romances to him. My friend cited my personality as a reason why older men seem to like me whereas guys my age steer clear. People have often commented that come across as much older due to the things I talk about and my lifestyle. I enjoy my own company as well as other people's. A healthy balance basically.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Failed friendships may shed a light on my love life?
Posted: 5/1/2013 4:49:34 PM
'm a female, in my late 20's, attractive, intelligent,confident, well dressed and I have great hygiene. I have no problems meeting new people and being in large groups. I find interacting with other people easy. I don't suffer from any social anxieties.

I started university last year in the city where I live so did not have to relocate and adjust like most students. My house is 10mins away from uni and i've lived there for years. Before uni, i worked since I was 17 but lost my job 3 years ago due to bad health (which i've fully recovered from). Losing my job encouraged me to do what I always meant to do and that's further my education and get a good career.

I'm going into my 2nd year at uni in sept and have made NO friends so far! I chit chat with people but that's it. There is no one i can really call a friend or confide in, have coffee with etc. At work and at college, I made friends easily and got on with alot of people. Workmates and college friends used to invite me out and spend time with me but at Uni...no one seems interested. Could it be my age as i'm 10 years older than most of the people on my course? I have tried to be friendly with them (I'm naturally friendly anyway) so can't work out what the problem is? I appreciate i've got more life experience than them due to age and have dealt with alot of things in my life they might not have or are yet to.

I'll admit whilst it's easy for me to make friends, I can't seem to keep them. They just disappear or let me down somehow. This has happened for years and there was a time in my late teens/early 20's when I was carefree and used to brush this off and remain happy and eager to make more friends. Now? I feel like i'm more cautious and tend to withdraw if people don't take to me. I don't brush things off as easily as I used to when i was younger.

It's like I want friends but I am afraid to get hurt.....again and again. It seems to be a regular thing with me, being let down or dumped by people. That's a good way to describe it. Even my romantic relationships were the same. I meet someone, get the impression they like me or they say they do and then after a few weeks or months...POOF!!! They're gone and I can't say why exactly? I've been single for 4yrs now and to be honest, I LOVE it! I'll casually date but that's it.

I really mean that i'm happy so r/ships are not a priority it's that just decent friendships would be nice. Is it me i often wonder? I have seen a counsellor/therapist who is as baffled as me. She did however point out that I'm an articulate person and very confident in my approach (but not snobby or offensive in anyway). All positives in her opinion. Maybe people are intimidated by me because of that but like I say, I attract people to me no problem, but keeping them is not easy.

It's awful to be where I am. I have no one outside uni either apart from 1 friend. Most of my friends from over the years have their own lives now. We rarely see each other *sigh* Any advice? Sorry for the long post.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Friendship question which may shed light on my love life
Posted: 5/1/2013 4:44:11 PM
Thanks for your reply. I see alot of red flags and a correlation between my friendship and romantic liasons. They start well and end very quickly. I am a friendly person and attract other people to me easily and then it goes down hill for whatever reason. I'm just looking for someone to clarify what I see.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Friendship question which may shed light on my love life
Posted: 5/1/2013 4:14:48 PM
I'm a female, in my late 20's, attractive, intelligent,confident, well dressed and I have great hygiene. I have no problems meeting new people and being in large groups. I find interacting with other people easy. I don't suffer from any social anxieties.

I started university last year in the city where I live so did not have to relocate and adjust like most students. My house is 10mins away from uni and i've lived there for years. Before uni, i worked since I was 17 but lost my job 3 years ago due to bad health (which i've fully recovered from). Losing my job encouraged me to do what I always meant to do and that's further my education and get a good career.

I'm going into my 2nd year at uni in sept and have made NO friends so far! I chit chat with people but that's it. There is no one i can really call a friend or confide in, have coffee with etc. At work and at college, I made friends easily and got on with alot of people. Workmates and college friends used to invite me out and spend time with me but at Uni...no one seems interested. Could it be my age as i'm 10 years older than most of the people on my course? I have tried to be friendly with them (I'm naturally friendly anyway) so can't work out what the problem is? I appreciate i've got more life experience than them due to age and have dealt with alot of things in my life they might not have or are yet to.

I'll admit whilst it's easy for me to make friends, I can't seem to keep them. They just disappear or let me down somehow. This has happened for years and there was a time in my late teens/early 20's when I was carefree and used to brush this off and remain happy and eager to make more friends. Now? I feel like i'm more cautious and tend to withdraw if people don't take to me. I don't brush things off as easily as I used to when i was younger.

It's like I want friends but I am afraid to get hurt.....again and again. It seems to be a regular thing with me, being let down or dumped by people. That's a good way to describe it. Even my romantic relationships were the same. I meet someone, get the impression they like me or they say they are and then after a few weeks or months...POOF!!! They're gone and I can't say why exactly? I've been single for 4yrs now and to be honest, I LOVE it! I'll casually date but that's it.

I really mean that i'm happy so r/ships are not a priority it's that just decent friendships would be nice. Is it me i often wonder? I have seen a counsellor/therapist who is as baffled as me. She did however point out that I'm an articulate person and very confident in my approach (but not snobby or offensive in anyway). All positives in her opinion. Maybe people are intimidated by me because of that but like I say, I attract people to me no problem, but keeping them is not easy.

It's awful to be where I am. I have no one outside uni either apart from 1 friend. Most of my friends from over the years have their own lives now. We rarely see each other *sigh* Any advice? Sorry for the long post.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 56 (view)
 
i just don't know what i think
Posted: 11/15/2012 12:28:38 PM
Your man may be struggling with past issues e.g his ex being emotionless. Maybe he got so used to it he does not know HOW to show affection himself. They say sex is not everything in a relationship. That is true but there also has to be some intimacy in a relationship for it to work. If he is willing sort things out then great, you can try to make things better in the bedroom department. Staying with someone just because he is a good man is a recipe for disaster! There has to be intimacy and emotion in a relationship. I do feel for you as this is not a pleasant thing to be going on in an otherwise good relationship. I hope it works out for you both x
 
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