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 Author Thread: bad advice
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
bad advice
Posted: 12/27/2017 9:54:56 AM
Has anyone received what you thought was bad advice on dating by friends? I guess some would disagree but after agreeing to meet up with a girl I met on coach in Germany my friend gave me what I thought was completely over the top for the situation.

Anyway after having a nice friendly chat with her on the coach we agreed to meet a few days later. After telling a friend about this he suggested I wear a suit and tie and take her to a nice as in posh restaurant even though she only agreed to meet (to practice her English I suspected). We ended up going for a****ail in a pleasant cafe and after another nice conversation I discovered she didn't want anything more anyway.

My friend however thought I had blown it by not taking his advice but I feel its just as well I didn't.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Badoo - What a Complete Rip Off
Posted: 6/3/2016 12:09:50 PM

loovoo is a bigger scam so far the women on there that have liked me have all been in london and at least 3 of them have the same photo


Well seem to get quite a few matches on loovoo, unfortunately on there they never reply lol.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Badoo - What a Complete Rip Off
Posted: 5/21/2016 11:52:09 AM
Well if they aren't a mutual match I see little point in messaging them anyway.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/26/2016 2:39:27 AM
Never quite understood why relationship experience in the past is so important for potential relationships in the future. Either there is chemistry with that person or there isn't as many people point out. However because many do think its important I agree that its not a good thing to bring up.

I have had a few first dates/meets over the last year or so and the question hasn't came up and unless it is asked there is little point in telling her. In the past I was in the same situation and it can be quite difficult. I guess if it did I could broaden the term dating to include having been on a series of first dates without actually telling her directly. Once your able to get those first dates even if they don't work out at least you can stretch the truth a little bit.

I guess if your worried about it causing a problem before then however you could just lie as others have said, I would be careful though especially if she asks for details. That said I would be suspicious if that was the only thing she seemed interested in.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Looking to talk english but not to date
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:03:41 AM

There's at least one explanation for this, which hasn't been noted yet, so I will.

In online, as well as in face to face situations, most people want to avoid conflict and injury, much more than they want to always behave frankly and honestly.

That means that if you approach someone who instantly, or nearly instantly recognizes that they are not interested in you in return, what you are most likely to get, is some sort of officially polite let down.

This can come in the form of a polite lie. It could be, that she actually IS looking for a relationship, just as she described in her profile. But that she does NOT want a romantic relationship with the OP. So by way of saying no, without saying "you repulse me," she said instead that what she wanted was someone with whom to converse in English, to improve her own.


Completely agree about some women politely lying to avoid conflict. I once overheard a girl almost boasting to her friends about it which made me think that it was untrue.

However there is a real reason for it. Saying they are in a relationship or not looking for a partner avoids any problems because the reason for rejection is her situation or decision rather than anything to do with him. Also its more likely to be accepted as true because much of the time it actually is. Not sure about the stats because any surveys I have read seem to define single as not married which is extremely misleading but I guess about 80 % of people are involved in a romantic relationship of some sort. With regard to 'not looking' I think that although in many cases its the truth, its also more likely that the person is unattractive to them as 'not looking' often means 'not looking right now' but if the right person came along they would be.

The practice English argument is more common in non English speaking countries of course. Maybe its easy to underestimate the importance of doing so if its your mother tongue. Never had that reason given face to face yet but there have been times that I have suspected it.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Looking to talk english but not to date
Posted: 4/20/2016 4:38:48 AM
Well ironically despite the situation with the woman I mentioned, I seem to have done better at getting dates online than in the 'real world', at least as far as last year is concerned. Ok they were only first dates which to many people is nothing if they didn't go any further but after being largely unsuccessful I somehow managed to meet up with 7 women through either this or tinder.

Of course its much better to have those arranged with people you meet first but trying to get past those who either aren't looking, are in a relationship already or at least say one of the two reasons because of lack of attraction is easier said than done.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Looking to talk english but not to date
Posted: 4/13/2016 4:28:40 AM
Living in Spain atm as an English teacher and sent a message to a girl in another town about something in her profile and if she spoke English. Got a response however seemed like she only wanted free conversational lessons and wasn't looking for more. Thought it was a bit cheeky with this is being a dating website and her saying she was looking for a relationship on her profile.

I responded by saying I was looking for the complete opposite on here which of course ended the conversation. Can anyone relate to this type of situation?
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/6/2016 1:11:45 PM
I think for those of us have enough difficulty getting first dates as it is, having them devalued doesn't exactly help.
In any case I always thought 'meet' was a verb anyway. Asking a girl if they would like to go on a meet seems a bit odd really lol.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/5/2016 1:39:35 AM
Calling a first date a meet seems silly imo. You meet each other for a date, you do not go on a "meet". If a face to face meeting with someone who have been in contact with on a dating website isn't a date then what is? Maybe to some calling it a meet puts less pressure on the individual by pretending romance isn't the main consideration and reason for meeting up. The date may not go well but its still a date.

Its all just what words you use I guess. Thinking about it, its strange why we say girlfriend and boyfriend as if the friend aspect is so important when in reality its much more than that.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
do woman mind if you aproach them to say hi in a supermarket?
Posted: 12/31/2015 6:13:08 AM
I don't think supermarkets are the best of places to start chatting women up. Most people are are too busy thinking about what you need to buy unless of course you meet someone you know. Its the same as in the high street, unless you have already met there isn't much point, people are on the move and have things to do and aren't going to stop that to talk to a complete stranger.

The main purpose of bars, cafes and clubs is to meet people. Women may not go there to get chatted up but think women would have less of a problem with it at least. 'Sorry I have a boyfriend' (which is I imagine is the most common) or 'Thanks but I'm not interested' is preferable to 'Excuse me, I haven't got time, I'm too busy shopping'.

I understand why the question was asked thou. The whole dating game can sound complicated even if it doesn't have to. I assume this applies to women aswell as men although women don't generally do the asking.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Tinder
Posted: 12/29/2015 3:56:46 PM
Personally speaking the success rate on pof and tinder have been about the same. Several message replies, a few dates but no relationships. I have only been on tinder for a few months however which is a lot less than on pof.

I think tinder makes it easier for guys as it takes as much effort as using the meet me feature on pof. However even if you get a mutual match it doesn't mean that they will reply to your message. I guess for many attractive/average women there isn't a lot of difference but I suppose if you are used to just picking from your message list who is the most attractive and worth replying to, having to be a bit proactive before you get the message may put many off.

Not sure everyone quite understands how tinder works in that regard thou. I once read a girl say something like 'Does anyone ever talk on here, if you like what you see send a message'. Maybe she has a problem with the concept of having to say she likes the look of the guy in order to receive a message from him.

I think men are more likely to swipe right than women however as many women want to limit the number of messages they receive and men want to maximise them.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
dating inexperience is it a bad thing?
Posted: 12/12/2015 3:34:22 AM
Well I would say some people have no trouble being sociable but aren't that desirable physically.

Disagree with you on luck, I think you mean that we make our own luck as in increase the odds but luck is a part of it. For example its often been said that meeting face to face in a bar or club is better than online. Now you can't really think like this but there is a high chance that they are unavailable especially if she is attractive and that's before any other possible reasons for rejection.

You have to therefore just take pot luck, forget about your chances and go for it, you may get that luck.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
snogging in public
Posted: 12/9/2015 11:27:55 AM
Don't get me wrong I have done it in a club before myself. Quite rarely I admit but she tends to disappear shortly after. Its slightly different however when its in a place where its hard not to notice. Nothing wrong with it of course but my first reaction is to look the other way.

The couple themselves of course are unlikely to care about what others are thinking or who sees nor should they, but for those who haven't had the luck I guess it can feel bad. I know kids are not exactly thought about at that stage but most of the people I know who were quite successful in dating in the past have at least a child now. There are a lot of positives about having children but there are drawbacks too and its usually what ends up happening further down the line with many couples. I suppose its the whole 'the grass is always (or seems) greener on the other side'. When that is far from the case.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
snogging in public
Posted: 12/8/2015 4:08:49 PM
Dont think this really happens as much in the UK but I have noticed that in Spain or I guess other Mediterranean countries young couples snogging each other in public is quite a common sight. This is quite normal of course but for those of us who haven't had much luck on the dating front it can be easy to feel jealous.

Of course finding a partner yourself to do that with is possibly the best solution but if finding a partner has been exactly the problem then as advice goes it doesn't exactly help. The only other way really is thinking of the negatives of their situation and the positives of yours. Remembering that there is a good chance the couple will have to deal with the challenges that having children brings in a few years.

Do any other always single but looking people have ways of dealing with jealousy in this situation?
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
inexperienced dater
Posted: 12/1/2015 2:08:52 AM
In my opinion people who put too much importance on experience are treating dating and relationships like a job interview. Hardly sounds romantic.

As for women thinking its easy for men to get dates, I am sure most women are intelligent enough to realise this isn't the case. That said it is probably a good idea not to mention it as it can be a possible negative and if she asks and then rejects its a possible flaw on her side.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
dating inexperience is it a bad thing?
Posted: 11/30/2015 2:47:39 PM
letitialegrande, I'm sure most women fully understand why a man would be inexperienced without thinking the worst. Some may think dating is easy simply because its been easy for them but you would need a low IQ to think its easy for everyone.

Getting dates or indeed starting relationships has a lot to do with luck as well as attraction and its possible to have everything else going for you but get nowhere in dating.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Muscular Women--turn on or turn off?
Posted: 9/18/2015 5:37:33 AM
I don't think its something that most men particularly look for. Men who are seen as physically attractive by women usually have six packs and strong muscles all over but many men are attracted to the opposite.

I guess even with visual attraction its connected to the actions or activity that they do (ie go to the gym, play sport etc) that they would need to do to get that physique. With women however sport and exercise doesn't have as much of an influence on what men find attractive.

I guess its still the perhaps sexist notion of men being judged by what they do and women by how they look.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
At what age typically does the know it all princess attitude end, 30 what?
Posted: 9/8/2015 6:11:16 AM
I don't think all princesses are all very attractive but I would guess that its a high percentage.

I think the belief that many very attractive women are high maintenance can act as a consolation to many men who are unable to attract these women. Looking at a couple where the female is extremely good looking and thinking that there's a good chance she is very demanding rather than just feeling jealous can be reassuring in a way. I have no doubt of course that many attractive women are 'down to earth' but maybe they are more the exception rather than the rule.

I don't really know whether most extremely attractive women are high maintenance but I certainly think that the idea that they are can be reassuring in a way. As the saying goes 'the grass is always greener on the other side' and if you look at the disadvantages of a situation that before you wished you were in it then you feel better about your own circumstances.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/6/2015 5:43:52 AM

That's the thing, I'm not into bantering, it's the INFP (http://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality) in me. Never really been great at small talk, I can do it and have gotten better at it but that's not my thing. Saving face is an issue I have so no offense taken there. When I'm in a bar I think I go out of my way too much and try to justify it "as not bothering them" so more often than not I'm not approaching them. I've found when I don't give a shit and just do my own thing rather it's being more outgoing or just keeping to myself (which is usually what happens) is when chicks approach me.


A friend of mine had the strange notion that if we sit down on a sofa the girls will come to us lol. I think basically he just didn't want to talk to them because it doesn't quite work like that. In the past I would sometimes think too much about trying to 'pull', not see any opportunities of doing so, then just got back to chatting with mates or just watching people. While I would enjoy the night out it ultimately meant that I wasn't going to get anywhere.

The truth is sometimes you just have to 'bother' them. They are only going to be bothered if there not interested. The one thing you can guarantee with chatting in person is that you will get a response. However unlike online dating there are time limitations in when you can do it and there is a high chance she wont be single. Not sure how many women would be keen on the idea but its a wonder that more bars and clubs don't have 'single nights' where you are bared entry if you aren't lol.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 4:47:23 PM

Rejection is a huge risk and male libido (and OLD) usually takes care of the dilemna women have about making the first move IRL. I have known some very considerate and compassionate women in my life and in my whole almost-half-century on this planet, I've known only one woman, only one, say to my face that she has sympathy with men for having to make the first move. Women take it for granted. And that's fair enough, sometimes gender empathy can only go so far.


I guess that if they are guaranteed of approaches by men its quite easy to take it for granted, just like anything in life I suppose. As long as there are no complaints about not getting approached because they know what they need to do. Had a couple of times where the woman started talking to me first but one was a lesbian and the other was taken, I doubt that either woman would have done so if they were single and looking but I'm sure it happens very occasionally.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 10:46:21 AM

I know a lot of hetero women who watch lesbian porn, women are sexier and softer. It just depends though because two butches or studs making out isn't appealing to me at all. Before I joined the CG when I was working a regular 9 to 5. I had a co-worker who was a soft butch lesbian who playfully flirted with me before and it felt weird, way too masculine.


I think that's the thing. When many men say they like watching lesbians they mean the attractive feminine types. Doubt the butch more masculine types or even unattractive lesbians are on the radar. Personally if I'm trying to chat up women I don't see women dancing together as necessarily a positive. If they are both just friends then its different if she shows some interest in me but if there is no interest there after asking then its little more than a show which will ultimately go nowhere. I would much rather that a woman was dancing with me than watch two women dancing with each other.

Also the traditional notion that still exists even now of men being judged on actions and women on looks plays a part. For instance women find men with a six pack as sexually attractive, men have that physique because they work out. The physique that attractive women have however is not the result of a trip to the gym.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 4:50:02 AM

*One woman did threaten to punch me out if I carried on talking to her girlfriend. That was role reversal funny. I carried on and her friends had to drag her away from starting sh**e. So you do have to be careful........


Interesting tactic otherwise but it does sound like asking for trouble as happened to you then. Chances are that if you try and debate it thou you will at least get a 'Nice try but no leave us alone' or something like it.

I wouldn't say that I have a problem with rejection itself really. In the past I had a problem with getting the confidence to ask in the first place with many of my friends watching and some of them can get quite immature when to comes to this. At least with a rejection it wasnt a really a missed opportunity and I have had a few of those.

On any night the chances of no are always going to be much higher than yes. Firstly most people, gay/lesbian or straight have a partner but unless perhaps they have kids its unlikely to stop them going out. Men know that most women are simply unavailable because they arent single and while yes some men will try regardless just like most women know that many men in the bar wont try to chat them up because they already have a partner. If you include those who are single but aren't interested that obviously declines the yes's further.

In fact I suspect that the majority of relationships don't start because random girl has said yes to random guy and start out together within days or weeks but more that male/female friend has acted as matchmaker to a male and female friend of his/hers. They then get talking and something develops, sharing a friend in common can be reassuring in some way. Or they both know each other already through work or some other activity.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/4/2015 4:48:27 AM

*One woman did threaten to punch me out if I carried on talking to her girlfriend. That was role reversal funny. I carried on and her friends had to drag her away from starting sh**e. So you do have to be careful........


Interesting tactic otherwise but it does sound like asking for trouble as happened to you then. Chances are that if you try and debate it thou you will at least get a 'Nice try but no leave us alone' or something like it.

I wouldn't say that I have a problem with rejection itself really. In the past I had a problem with getting the confidence to ask in the first place with many of my friends watching and some of them can get quite immature when to comes to this. At least with a rejection it wasnt a really a missed opportunity and I have had a few of those.

On any night the chances of no are always going to be much higher than yes. Firstly most people, gay/lesbian or straight have a partner but unless perhaps they have kids its unlikely to stop them going out. Men know that most women are simply unavailable because they arent single and while yes some men will try regardless just like most women know that many men in the bar wont try to chat them up because they already have a partner. If you include those who are single but aren't interested that obviously declines the yes's further.

In fact I suspect that the majority of relationships don't start because random has said yes to random guy and start out together within days or weeks but more that male/female friend has acted as matchmaker to a male and female friend of his/hers. They then get talking and something develops, sharing a friend in common can be reassuring in some way. Or they both know each other already through work or some other activity.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 9/2/2015 12:54:13 PM

Really? Perhaps it's a mater of what we or women define as lesbian. I've known plenty of lesbians that dropped their female love for guy. I've also known many lesbians who would not cross over. So which one is which?


Well if we were to be pedantic about it, if they drop their love for a guy then technically they are more bisexual than lesbian. The ones that wouldn't cross over are the ones who are. I do understand however that whereas with men they are usually either gay or straight the boundaries are less clear with many women.

Some women for instance would still say they are straight even if they have been dancing with each other flirtatiously or have sent many x's, hearts and romantic compliments on facebook posts. The word girlfriend itself can even have two meanings so its often not very clear.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 8/31/2015 7:55:44 PM

Rejecting strange men in person is fraught with peril. Women don't know if he will fly into a rage, becoming abusive and violent.


If he did that in a bar or club he would basically get thrown out so why would he do that? I do think aswell however that when women say they are lesbian, many men think that they are in fact bisexual and would be happy to be involved in a threesome. Well it doesn't work like that in the real world, lesbians aren't interested in men full stop. (Sorry period in US English in case there is any confusion lol)
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 8/31/2015 8:35:03 AM

what difference does their reason make or whether you think they're being honest about it?


Well apart from just the curiosity being satisfied then no difference whatsoever on that particular occasion I guess.
But if they are being honest then its possible to say its just bad luck and meeting a few more women in pairs may mean that luck could change. If its a common tactic used to warn off men then that becomes less likely.

Of course what happens on one occasion has little relevance to other occasions but there are some general behaviours that people use to get what they do or don't want to happen.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Rejection because they are lesbians
Posted: 8/31/2015 5:38:15 AM
Maybe its just me but just lately I notice that if I approach two women together they would often tell me that they are lesbians. In many cases they are probably being honest but also sounds like a way to say they aren't interested. Not sure if this is a common tactic used or was just unlucky to be with genuine lesbians.

It probably could be either but I guess the tactic is less likely to be used if they are on their own or in a larger group. The former however is relatively rare, women aren't usually by themselves in bars or clubs. Whereas it can be daunting and less straight forward with groups.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 167 (view)
 
Women that compare their height to mens while wearing high heels.
Posted: 8/20/2015 2:00:17 AM

I do have a height preference. This is due to ex being only one inch taller than I was. Short man syndrome. My brothers and my family are all over 6'. I caved, and let the ex woo me and went against the grain of my long ago preferences. Nope, no more going against what I prefer. Some memories are just bad....


although I will never be able to wear high heeled shoes ever again in my life, comparing that has no bearing in my situation.


Well hope you aren't over 6" yourself then. If you are then good luck on finding 7" men that also fit any other preferences you have.

Don't really understand the height thing, do women want a stiff neck or something all the time? lol.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 128 (view)
 
should prostitution be a legal business in the uk
Posted: 8/4/2015 9:38:55 AM

Perhaps decriminalise the act of selling sex, so that sex workers are not prosecuted, but criminalise the act of buying sex, and then actually police it.


That would be the Swedish model which clearly doesn't work. Amnesty International have got into some trouble over the issue with high profile celebrities criticising their calls for decriminalisation. As long as its between consenting adults and discrete I don't see the problem.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Removing Longest Relationship Under 1 year
Posted: 8/2/2015 2:55:15 PM
If you have never been in a relationship it is under 1 year. Its a bit catch 22 but I think many women will see no relationship experience as a major negative on profiles so its good that the option isn't there.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Lied about location
Posted: 8/1/2015 4:27:49 AM

I think lies generally are pretty common on dating sites. Quite why she'd want to lie about location to that extent who knows. Or why you'd bother turning detective is a mystery. If you have your doubts ask, and if you don't like the answer just stop talking. Who's got the time for this nonsense when you'd never even met?


Hardly say it took much detective work lol, most people are on facebook nowadays and if she is going to put her name on her profile there is no harm in having a look.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Lied about location
Posted: 8/1/2015 1:57:12 AM
Found out one of the women I had been messaging had lied about her location on her profile. Instead of being from my home town of Shrewsbury where I live, (which is on her pof profile) I discovered on Facebook that she lives in Bristol. She had used her full name as her username and after a quick search the photos on the pof and facebook profile matched lol. Also there was no sign of her current job or 'pof town' on facebook. No wonder that when I suggested a meeting she stopped communication. Not too bothered really but is that a common thing?
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Another Profile Review
Posted: 7/16/2015 10:43:42 AM
Thanks for the advice, ironically I managed to arrange and have a date soon after posting before making the changes.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Another Profile Review
Posted: 7/12/2015 9:49:22 AM
Cheers Dee, sure will have to have a few more photos, I usually end up having photos with other people and I'm not sure if including those is good or not. With interests and a story you have a point, I will have to have a think.

Don't think I can do anything about the car situation however. Took lessons but driving is something that's I don't realy feel that comfortable in doing and isn't really for me. I can get by perfectly without doing so, it can be expensive and would be foolish to do so simply to get more dates. Not sure the obsession with the motor car is quite the same this side of the Atlantic although I understand the advantages that having one brings.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Another Profile Review
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:56:40 AM
Had a confidence boost in that I managed to get some actual dates through this site, unfortunately non of them worked out. Still get the feeling however that something is causing many women not to be interested. Of course the reason will vary depending on whose looking but if there is something that would turn off most I would like to know.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
when their friends got in the way
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:28:25 AM

Phone numbers would have been a good idea,
considering you'd got to kissing?
Oops.....



Well possibly but I think her friends must have had good reason to interfere. If she was free and available I doubt they would have done so.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
when their friends got in the way
Posted: 7/10/2015 2:51:46 AM
Yeah asking her mates directly would have made things clearer but in all probability she wasn't single. She had had a few drinks so she probably wasn't thinking straight. Can be annoying thou when these situations don't happen that often and personally it often feels like there is always something that stops anything happening.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
when their friends got in the way
Posted: 7/9/2015 12:04:32 PM
Ok, anybody had this situation before? I expect its more commonplace than I thought. Went out with friends last weekend to a club but after getting a drink in for a mate they had scarpered. So thought I would hang around and enjoy the atmosphere. Anyway a girl starts dancing with me which was nice. After a bit I offered her a drink and she was giving compliments, afterwards however her friends tried to separate the two of us so maybe she was hiding something. Hung around for a while and she started flirting with me again and we started kissing. Soon after however her mates did the same thing.

They were all very nice about it and asked if I was ok about getting home etc but it did get a bit frustrating. It was probably because they didn't say whether she had a boyfriend (I know I should have asked myself) it could have been that they were overprotective.

May have had a narrow escape because it seemed a bit odd but equally it felt like an opportunity that could have happened if it weren't for her mates. The odd thing is that I get the feeling that if it was one of my mates in that position they would have been more successful.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Be persistent or give up?
Posted: 6/29/2015 2:42:49 PM

Then why are you asking how persistent you should be? At age 33, your longest relationship has been one year. That's odd. This leads me to believe that you haven't had much success with women.


Some would say that having had a one year relationship is quite successful. Not odd at all, many have had a lot less.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 2656 (view)
 
Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 6/15/2015 2:17:33 PM


How are you supposed to know if there is attraction there or not then?

Photos can be exchanged at any time during the process.

Also if you arrange to meet how are you going to recognise them?

Wear a red carnation.


Sending photos by email when they aren't available through the dating website seems a bit weird to me. Dating can be hard work as it is without having to put it into getting a photo. As for the second point I don't think you understood the question lol. Recognise them not they recognise you.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 2650 (view)
 
Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 6/15/2015 5:07:17 AM

I think it's absolutely shameful that people expect pics.
It's privacy reasons, or people that don't want someone shallow. If you expect pics, you're shallow.


How are you supposed to know if there is attraction there or not then? Judging someone solely by their looks may be shallow but they don't find the person attractive in any way it isn't going to work. Also if you arrange to meet how are you going to recognise them?

That said I almost met a girl with no pic last week, mainly because she sent the first message and as that doesn't happen very often it was hard to ignore. Especially as she spoke English and living in Spain its quite rare for dating profiles.

She must have had something to hide thou as we arranged to meet, she didn't turn up and then stopped all contact.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 287 (view)
 
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/20/2015 3:08:31 PM
If message replies are few and far between (as it is with most men on here) then a profile look with no reply is better than a direct rejection. With a profile look without a reply you know straight away its not going anywhere. Getting a reply however usually indicates interest so it can be more disappointing when you are told directly that there is non in the message.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 236 (view)
 
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/20/2015 7:49:05 PM

So….you recommend humiliation and blackmail? Doesn’t sound like a “friend” to me, and certainly no kind of a boyfriend.


But she doesn't see him as a boyfriend thou and what sort of friend expects the other friend to pay every time?
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 229 (view)
 
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/19/2015 4:20:17 AM

Here is the funny part when it comes to pay, she almost does this all the time, the person puts the bill on the table, if it's just a paper she will flip it over look at it and just flip it back down, or the check in the booklet she will open it and look at it and close it back in both times she will glance up at me.

Now if i state from before it's going to be two checks she will question me or say you know I don't have the money on me (Well she got her check from the job today) but still.. Now she went for lunch today and she did offer me twice but I turned it down.

Now we were riding down town and she told me about this Brazilian place and I told her I never had Brazilian food before, and she was like OH you can take me to this place for my birthday (next week)




Sounds like she is just taking advantage of your good nature and is having her cake and eating it.

Perhaps her birthday isn't the best time but when you next go for a meal after that before you sit down ask if she has enough money for her meal. If she says no just say we will have to go for something cheaper then. If she asks why you cant pay, say that you thought she just wants to be friends and you will only pay if she wants a relationship. If she can a find a good answer to that I would be surprised.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 185 (view)
 
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 12:23:29 PM
Debates like these usually end up as a battle of the sexes where males agree with each other and females likewise.

Most men I think like to be gentlemanly and offer to buy a coffee for the female if its their first meeting/date and while most females prefer some generosity, they appreciate it when its given. Its when it get more advanced than that with expectations and cost that the disagreements occur.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 167 (view)
 
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 4:31:11 PM

I cannot speak for them, but I know where I'm going in life, or at least where I'm aiming to go, and making strides to such goal.

In theory, yes, everyone's time is valuable. In reality, you're metering your time and prioritizing what is worthy of your time and what will that time produce. If such were not true, there wouldn't be something called "time management skills".

You are deciding all day long what will garnish your time and attention. From deciding when to shower, what to watch on TV, when to take out the trash, how much time you will spend on this forum, etc. You are choosing one thing over the other, all the time, so you are jugging what is worth your time, all the time.

Every time I get a new message in my inbox, I'm deciding if I'm going to click and open it, or delete and dismiss it without reading. If I open it and it says "hi", I'm deleting it, I'm deciding it is not worth my time. If I get a message from someone I'd never date, it is being deleted without me even reading it, it is definitely not worth writing back "not interested", just don't spend time on it, dismiss/delete it. It's as simply as that, don't try to make it into a foreign concept when this is what we do all of the time.

It is no different from determining such with people. You spend time with whom you want to spend time, versus many others who want to spend time with you. In essence, determining if the other party is worthy of your time.

I've invested a lot of my time into my educational pursuits, career explorations, hobbies, friends, family, and being of service to people, my spiritual growth, etc. I consider my time to be valuable as I am laying the foundation for the future I aspire to have (with or without someone). I have no children, no drama, I live own my own, have 2 (soon to be 4) career paths, am highly educated, have amazing friends and family........................I get to decide who is worth my time independent of how valuable the other person's time is. For all I know, their whole profile is a lie, while mine is not, so the value of their time is looking very subjective at this point in time, lol.


What you say is correct however those decisions and time issues are also being made by men except that its their decision to send a message rather than reply. What I don't quite get is that I got the impression that you were giving your time in exchange for their money. Well they are also giving their time and for all they know, your profile could be a lie although I personally disagree with that.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 161 (view)
 
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 1:06:15 AM

Nobody's time is more valuable than anybody else's. Seriously? You can say this with a straight face?

Of course, because everyone is going somewhere in life *wink*


Well not the men your having dates with my the sound of it lol.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 143 (view)
 
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/3/2015 6:20:27 AM

It is one thing to buy one's own coffee on a first meet, but to buy one for the guy and for him to accept it? Not on.
It is not the money, it is the principle.


Think the arguments on here are more about principles rather than the actual money. Although I'm not sure what's wrong with the principle of a women buying a coffee for a man on a date. In theory there shouldn't be anything wrong with a woman asking a man out either its just very rare because of tradition.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 128 (view)
 
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:02:45 PM

"Even when I am only investing my time (and no additional cost), to attending the date, I still expect him to pay for the first date. I chose to give him my time (over many others and many other activities) so he will appreciate that in kind, and pay for the date. When I get older and less desirable, I may be more considerate as I'm sure I won't have as many after me."


Of course your time is more important than his time I guess and going on a date with you is his only option on the things to do list lol. They must feel deeply honoured to even be in your presence.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 7:15:10 AM
I think its pointless arguing over the cost of a coffee. It doesn't cost that much and its the gesture that is more important regardless whether there is potential for a relationship.

For a meal that cost several times that amount however I would ask if they were interested in seeing me again before ordering the bill. If they said yes I would offer to pay, if not I would suggest splitting it. Of course that doesn't mean we would meet again, she could lie or change her mind but at least the date ended positively so would have no problems with paying. If she says no then there is little to be gained by paying for both and its not good to be taken advantage of.

That said of course I wouldn't have a meal for a first date anyway, coffee dates are a lot more straight forward.
 
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