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 Author Thread: When Will the Job situation improve in the UK?
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
When Will the Job situation improve in the UK?
Posted: 10/3/2012 4:00:30 AM
frankbevan, your post and its rather illiterate reply proves avalon's point! your english is simply not up to standard and your criticism falls flat, did you get GCSE English yourself? have you read your health and safety regulations, and all the small print? my experience of foreign workers is that in the main their english can be better than many of the british, and they would be more willing to put the effort in to understand what is required of them than their british counterparts.
graffitti poet, a 30 hour week would be great, in my line of work, however, it wont happen! i dont even get a lunch hour, that is the private sector for you. arent they trying to implement a three day week in germany? the issue is a tricky one, and certainly does not please people over there. there has been a lot said about this recession and i suppose what we can say is that we are more or less in the unknown. we dont know how long this stasis will last. however, whilst is does last it cannot hurt getting oneself more trained. redoing your gcses and maybe getting some more nvqs cant hurt, dollar bills. what you have at the moment is time, and you should use it. day trader seems to offer some wonderful ideas, and i might well look into them myself!
i really do wish you well dollarbills because its not much fun looking for work. good luck
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
When Will the Job situation improve in the UK?
Posted: 10/2/2012 4:30:27 PM
I feel for you dollarbills, it is difficult. however, rethink the situation. currently the uk has one of the lowest unemployment rates in europe. that is saying something, whether people are employed doing what they want to do is another matter, or what they are best at doing. you have to think hard about yourself and what you are good at. currently you are in retail. is that what you are good at? do you enjoy selling? are you an extravert? ie. do you enthuse and enjoy talking to people or would you rather explain things? think about which area you can excel in. if you have a skill such as fixing things this is useful, people will want to employ you. you could think about retraining, at 25 you are young enough to do this. do you enjoy electrics, plumbing etc. there is always a need for these skills. if you make yourself skilled enough people will want to employ you. currently it sounds as if you are really giving it a go but you must make sure that your efforts are working you in the direction you want to take.
good luck, i hope you succeed and try not to be despondent, it will happen, it just might take a bit longer than in the past. oh and you could retake your maths gcse, the one that might count, i suspect you will find it easy now after all your other qualifications. you would not have to admit that you retook it to gainn the grade.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Geeks: Turn off or..........
Posted: 9/20/2012 3:20:58 PM
nope i dont think you have anything to worry about! geeks are great, and good looking geeks are even better, you are both, you are just fine! hope you do well on the site, nothing wrong with having interests that engage you.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
picture safeguarding
Posted: 9/19/2012 5:31:57 AM
gosh little rainbow, having read this thread it is alarming stuff! i am glad that you have sorted it out. might i make a recommendation, that you post yourself with private images, that way noone will be able to steal your photos, or rather only the people you have contacted would be able to.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
POF the book
Posted: 9/19/2012 5:12:02 AM
yes, i think a book is in the offing! personally i find it really interesting how people act on the internet. they are very different. i have been wondering about the absence of empathy on the site, and have been reading about the presence of empathy in our lives. effectively the cues to make us engage with each other empathetically include, the voice, the smell and our gestures. all of which are absent online, and i wonder whether that is the reason why people can act so callously. i say people and i will include myself here, it is just so easy to assume that the person we are engaging with is a figment of our imaginations and less easy to imagine their discomfort.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Do we date too easily?
Posted: 9/8/2012 4:21:41 PM
no i dont think we do date too easily. i have met about ten people through this site, and contrary to the general mulch of opinion, everyone has been pretty normal! most have not lied, looked pretty much as expected and been generally fit and healthy, some have surprised and have been genuinely better looking than their photos, as i might add they said of mine! really this site should be understood as an avenue to introduce rather than to understand. the forum of the internet allows falsehood, meeting people pretty bloody quickly prevents the falsehoods from continuing and stops you from developing unnatural attachments to people who really are just figments of your own imagination.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Benefit of the doubt?
Posted: 9/7/2012 3:17:06 PM
i hope the chocolate fondant thingy makes up for the bad night! you know there could be lots of reasons why he didnt turn up. he could have felt anxious about going to your house, thoughts about his dead wife, guilt for his child, loads of things, but i think that it was cowardly of him to text you and not phone. if this was really a matter of a failed babysitter he would have wanted to rearrange and would have been gutted himself. so there is something else awry. good luck, and maybe eat that extra fondant thing now, and have some more wine.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Relationship Problem
Posted: 9/7/2012 6:05:24 AM
yes, jac the gripper i can! though it should be obvious. phobias are not as easy to treat as this forum might suggest. one of the difficulties is distinguishing between a fear and a phobia. i myself was treated by a psychotherapist who attempted desensitisation, and it did make it worse. instead of actually requiring a stimulus to give me phobic anxiety i was able to hallucinate and imagine it all by myself! great! i think that is worse. many people are treated and feel somewhat better and then the phobia returns. my mother who is also phobic, though with a different phobia, has received treatment for about thirty years, she is marginally less anxious, though by no means cured. if you note the op began his thread by discussing whether his phobia would or would not be a deal breaker in terms of relationships. i would say not, very simple. it has never stopped anyone from dating me, has it stopped anyone dating you jac? there has been alot of advise on this thread, all of it well meant, as has mine been, but really i think that if professionals can actually make the matter worse, as the op suggested happened to him, what chance have amateurs got?
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Relationship Problem
Posted: 9/6/2012 12:23:21 PM
mmm jac-the-gripper. we have all heard of desensitisation, and it probably does work to an extent, but can make the phobia worse. it is interesting op that you said that after your cognitive behaviour therapy sessions you felt worse. the trouble with phobias and the treatment thereof is that they are irrational, and it isnt helped by the fact that people are still stuck in the freudian mindset which suggests that a phobia is caused by some trauma in your childhood. a rational sensible approach to a phobia might make sense were the feeling locked in some sensible process, but it isnt, there is some suggestion that it is an atavistic response to our environment.for example horses are terrified of snakes, horses bred in captivity having had no contact with snakes, happen upon one and are duly terrified. this is not a learnt response, this is a response that is somehow imprinted in their brains as they develop in the womb. somehow they have a picture wiggling about in there that says 'be fcking terrified when you see this thing wiggle' and they are. this response saves many a horses life, and makes for interesting analysis of quite what can be imprinted in our brains prior to actual life. so phobias may well be just this, some people have retained this imprinting in their brain, they are scared of things that can cause seriuos harm. interestingly the majority of phobias are found in wome, this because it is thought it was more important for them to have this heightened fear to protect their children. most people are not frightened of inanimate objects like cars, despite the fact that these objects statistically can cause them more harm. many people can be desensitised but as many not, and really running away from spiders, hiding ourselves from thunder and avoiding mice is not that difficult and one can live with it!
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is selection criterai the real problem?
Posted: 9/6/2012 7:39:22 AM
yes, it is interesting. i have only been on the site for a couple of months but it has been a steep learning curve, by which i have learnt to become a cynic, knowing the price of everything but the value of nothing. the engagement of emails and phone conversations etc, can become very intense and absolutely wonderful but you trust this engagement at your own peril because there is no safety net should the sincerity of your interlocuter prove false. and it is not just an issue of sincerity it is the fact that their engagement, especially should they have been on this site for a while, perhaps years, means a very different thing to them than it does to you, and you had better wise up before you get very very hurt. personally i hate wising up, i always give people the benefit of the doubt and this has never proved a problem before but this medium is simply too free. it's not just the anonymity, it's the rush of traffic surrounding you and the thrill of the possibilities and the amazement that out of all the nonsense someone can surface who appears totally unique and compatible - but then you discover you have created a fiction, one that in the end doesnt have a happy ending.

and that's the point i suppose, the site encourages engagement that isnt necessarily real. and most alarmingly it is not just the person you are speaking/writing to who develops an internet persona, but you find you yourself do too!

so i am not surprised that people winge about the people on here. i know that i myself am a far from pleasant as i roam through the site. so maybe rather than use the site as a means of getting to know someone you should see it as a place to introduce you to people and get to the phase of meeting them face to face quickly, and try not to be too disillusioned by the hardened cynics who live here!
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Relationship Problem
Posted: 9/5/2012 8:01:16 AM
you know David, or op as you might prefer to be called, i think that it is a bit dangerous posting on this site these kind of questions. none of us are psychiatrists or interested professionals, or have declared ourselves as such - and yet some have acted as if they have this kind of authority. they havent and you should read their posts very critically. many posts have bullied you into CBT and have taken the 'pull yourself together and be a man' approach - and i for one find this outrageous. a wise man, Jung i believe, said that every person knows their own medicine. now we can all fault this aphorism and pull it to pieces but i think here what he might say is, that you know when you want to deal with this problem, and until such point you will have to live with it. i think discovering that this issue isnt really going to be of much concern to the women you date, might help you to resolve your own fear of your fear.

i do also speak from some awareness of phobias, i have one and i sure as hell am not about to reveal it here! suffice to say that it rarely surfaces but when my fear does surface, boy oh boy does it surprise people. perhaps because it is different for men, however, never have i been belittled by anyone when expressing this fear and i have never found that it was an issue which might stop someone from dating me and i cant think why you would either. there are a lot of new psychological theories about phobias, which if you are interested you can read about, http://www.livescience.com/4631-modern-humans-retain-caveman-survival-instincts.html - there is also some suggestion that there is a gene that is responsible. some doctors find that boosting patients serotonin levels help, which is interesting isnt it? i certainly find that my phobia is worse when i am depressed.

it might well hearten you to know that there are methods of ridding yourself of this phobia, as other posters have suggested, however this will not work until you are ready to do so.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Conversation Pleease. Someone! Anyone!
Posted: 9/5/2012 6:23:28 AM
oh mr nigel what are you talking about! the messaging back and forth is the best bit! i love it when i have a good sparring partner, which is all too rare its true.

back to the point, op, dont you find also that you can have too much of a good thing sometimes? whilst the short 'hi' or the 'hiya sexy' come in quite high on the irritation scale, doesnt also the 2,000 word essays on why they are the most suitable catch for you also annoy? so frankly i suppose it is difficult. i do remember after penning a rather, if i say so myself, taught, jaunty little introductory message, receiving a 'try me' in response, which for some reason i found hilarious. so its not the length really of the response is it? it's the need to be jolted away from one's expectations. for the most part people say what you predict them to say and that is dull, when they surprise you then you are interested. apart from pornography, i suppose misslizzi, mmm, well no, not even then, even pornography has its place.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Relationship Problem
Posted: 9/5/2012 4:36:06 AM
i am a bit confused, honestyD2012, because really i cant see that this phobia would impact your life that much, it thunders perhaps twice maybe three times a year. the nature of phobias is that the trigger of the fear is a reltively rare occurrence, if it thundered every day, you would soon acclimatise yourself to the fact that you survive them and wouldnt be frightened, so no dont tell her! you could get therapy, and sort the problem out, but i wouldnt expect it to sort out your relationship issues. god we all have our quirks. i met a man once who sucked his thumb, it was strange. in every other aspect he was completely normal, but one soon got used to seeing his thumb in his mouth. so in other words this issue is not preventing you from having a relationship. however reading your response to the posts it does seem that you are defining yourself by this phobia and perhaps that is the problem for there really is no need, you are more than your fears, and before a woman can accept you for who you are, perhaps you should start accepting yourself. i hope that doesnt sound unkind, its not meant to, its meant to let you start recognising some positive aspects of yourself, such as the courage it took to post this thread, most people wouldnt be able to be so honest and frank. i hope that you take this to heart, and feel less depressed soon.
 terminal-velocity
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Relationship with someone with a different nationality
Posted: 9/3/2012 4:33:57 PM
relationships of any kind are difficult, and it has to be said that adding a different culture, language and perhaps religion into the****ail can make it even harder. however, whats wrong with trying. there is more miscegenation in this country than in anywhere else in the world, are we a happier lot for this? i dont know, there is no doubt though that genetically its a good thing, and being close to people of completely different outlook and background is liberating as you free yourself from your own cultural limitations and hopeful lose some of its bias.
 
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