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 Author Thread: my ex is dyeing with cancer what do i do
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 118 (view)
 
my ex is dyeing with cancer what do i do
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:25:42 PM
I commend you for your desire to help your ex, despite the fact that he beat you, but It sounds to me like you need to worry more about yourself and your children than him. Some people mentioned that perhaps he wants to die, in which case, you should just let him be, because it seems he's only interested in bring you down with him. My advise would be to "suck it up", make peace with him, and whether he's willing to return the favor or not, turn around and don't look back under any circumstances. At the very least, you will walk away with knowing you'll be able to begin anew once he finally does die. He is the one who will have to deal with his own decisions, not you. You have been through enough pain and heartache with him, and now its time to start looking forward to whatever your future holds for you. Hopefully it won't be more of the same. Best of luck to you.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 133 (view)
 
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 12/4/2007 6:23:32 PM
First, it should be pointed out that abuse and/or rape is inexcusable under any circumstances. It's ashame that you didn't report this person that raped you, especially being that you were underaged and all.
That being said, it's very obvious that you have some serious self esteem problems. I believe a few people mentioned therapy, which may not be a bad idea. However, the main thing you need to do, is convince yourself that you are not worthless! If you continue to think that way, guess what?, people are going to continue treating you in that same way. develop some personal boundaries, and most importantly, enforce them. Otherwise, you're nothing more than a door mat, welcoming the dregs of humanity to walk all over you. I obviously don't know anything about you, but I can safely assume that you deserve better than that, simple because you are human being that needs to be treated with dignity and respect. However, you have to start by treating yourself with that same dignity and respect you want to be treated with.
It sounds like you may indeed need therapy, but even if you just start by making an effort to be around people who know how to treat you well, you probably have a foot in the door. I would also suggest that you hold off looking for that special someone until you do find a way to feel better about yourself. I wish you the best of luck.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
my bestfriend/my only love died almost 4 yrs ago
Posted: 12/4/2007 5:49:02 PM
It sounds like you are trying to replace your friend you lost. You might want to try judging any new people you meet on their own merits, based on who "they" are, and not on how little or how much alike they are compared to your departed friend. The fact that you view this new guy as a potentially closet friend is a very positive step in the right direction. Just let this person be himself, and perhaps you also might be looking at a future "second soulmate", just not in the package you were hoping for.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
I think I wish I was fat
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:27:04 PM
You have a hard time making decisions, don't you?
Look!, decide what you want to do, and just stick to it. If someone can't appreciate you for who you are, then they are not worth your time. You have to make the choices for yourself, because most people in society are screwed up enough without having to take on the responsibilities you put on them. Most important of all, is to make your choices for the sake of pleasing yourself, and not to please others. Best of luck!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 395 (view)
 
Looks really are everything....
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:20:12 PM
I agree with you on your assessment on beauty, but would venture to guess the percentage is lower......... 98 sounds about right.
That being said, It obvious you have some self esteem issues on your end as well.
regardless of how you look, the other 2 percent won't give you the time of day if you carry that kind of attitude around. Best of luck on making the neccessary adjustments.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Pretty people get overlooked too you know.
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:14:06 PM
I'll go under the assumption that you are as pretty, or perhaps even prettier than what you say you are, and not question it.
That being said, "you have some serious self esteem problems!", and I know that I'm just an average looking man who would do almost anything to have a pretty girl as yourself at my side, but, and I quote....... "DAMN!"
Start focusing on becoming pretty on the inside, and you may be suprised at how many people will acknowledge how pretty you are on the outside. Best of luck to you!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
My True Love
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:03:46 PM
It sounds to me like you moved way too fast on this one. The first six months of a relationship don't really matter much, in regards to finding out useful information about a person who you are possibly interested in. If that's true, then you really only knew her for about 1 month before she moved in with you, assuming of course that you took full advantage of that one month. Beyond that, I agree with the others, that you didn't provide us enough info. Best I can do with what you gave. Good luck!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Worst dump ever
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:20:21 PM
I knew a couple who were together for nine years. (Personnally I think it was because noboby else wanted them, but that's me). Anyways, He tells me in April that he's having doubts about the relationship. About a month later, he's banging someone else ( Imet this girl, and she was not what I would consider a "step up"). He decides not to tell her it's over until about December, after all they mutual friends already knew he was cheating on her. The worst part, is that he didn't even bother to tell her himself, but rather have a mutual friend do it for him. I actually knew them for a good part of those nine years they were together, and they probably deserved each other, but that is that is such a horrible way to be dumped, especially for a relationship that lasted that long.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 35 (view)
 
How does someone come on hot and heavy back off because of one misunderstanding?
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:07:04 PM
Even though you apologized for the misunderstanding, it seems you still lost a bit of respect with him after you failed to trust him. If he's willing to give you the opportunity to win back his trust, then make the effort to do that if you are indeed still interested in him. If he insists on feeling that you intentionally hurt him and won't give you that much, then perhaps he has some issues you might want to "investigate" before you move forward in your relationship with him, assuming of course that you want to. Either way, best of luck to you!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
My Horrible Break Up
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:59:07 PM
Sounds like you got your wish on that one. You wanted someone with low self esteem as yourself, and that's exactly what you got. First realize that asking someone to "fix" your problems is unrealistic, especially if they have problems of their own. Second, low self esteem is serious should be addressed before you continue before you continue your search. Being as you both had low self esteem, it eventually became quite evident that "one of you wasn't neccessary". If you can't love yourself, then you'll never be be able to love anyone who's worth your time. Anyways, good luck on your "rebuilding".
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
who loves plentyoffish?
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:46:24 PM
You seem to be in the minority, but I commend you for your positive attitude about this site. I too spend more time in the forums, counting my blessings each time I hear some of the horror stories that initiate through this site. I think the quality of people you meet at this site, would be substantially better if more of them had your attitude, rather than one of being paranoid, high maintenance, materialistic, narcissistic, and other relationship killing attitudes. I'm glad you enjoy this site. If you can convince more people here to share your enthusiam, then perhaps more of us will have a chance to meet the same type of people you seem to be meeting. Good luck on your search.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Where the hell is my Mr. Right?
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:35:21 PM
I think a few people pointed out your attitude, and seem to be on target with their assesment. Second, your only 19, and possibly quite attractive, so perhaps a little patience is too much to ask. Third, lay off the fairy tales!. Perhaps its because of your age, but now's as good a time as any to enter reality. Fourth, Just because your friends have all found someone, it doesn't mean that their lives are perfect. If they are as young as you are, they will probably be a few years or so into their marriage, and realize that relationships don't always appear as easy as they look. In fact, It would not suprise me, if one or more of them actually become jealous of you for still being single. Fifth, I'm going to go out on a limb, and guess that your standards are way too high, or too rigid. In reality, Prince Charming would have just as many, if not more flaws then the average person out here. It's obvious your looking for "Mr Right Friggin Now!" When you should be looking for "Mr Right for me when I'm ready to deal with reality". Ignore how green your neighbor's yard is, and start doing something about the brown patches in your own. You're still very young, so you'll be still be in great shape afterwards. Good luck!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
should you stay with someone who cheats on YOU....
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:12:57 PM
I agree with the consensus on this one. It's not like you never gave her a second chance. She obviously has her own issues to deal with, which she seem she to believe can be solved by cheating on you. Don't shed too many tears over her, because she obviously isn't worth it.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The Upside -- You Saw Green Flags
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:17:54 PM
I too would like to hear more positive stories, but I must admit, I prefer responding to some of these people who probably should never have learned how to type.
I'm not sure Green flags is the term I would use, but a healthy long term relationship will usually start off a bit slow, and gradually grow to the point where it begins to rapidly bloom into something which is indeed grand. I think you covered all the basis, in that at first you're not sure what to make of a person, and as you gradually get to know a person, it eventually becomes evident that something is indeed happening.
You also touched on the main issue, which is indeed taking it slow. Prematurely jumping into the sack with someone, actually does a lot of damage to a relationship. It clutters the psyche, and prevents a desire to learn the things about a person that are necessary for a healthy relationship. The problem of course, is that we learn them anyways, and by then, the novelty of the sex has long worn off, which leads to hostile break ups, and if married, costly divorces. All I can say is Good for you!!!
that you discovered something that most people nowadays will probably never comprehend. I sincerely hope you find the right person if you haven't already, because to indeed deserve it!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
should i tell
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:54:14 PM
Mental illness is a part of who someone is, just like weight, and odd habbits. Sometimes its treatable, other times its not. As far your question, its usually not a good idea to be too quick to volunteer such information. If they ask, tell them, but don't go into graphic details, unless they ask for them. Of course this thought only applies to people who you are still learning about. Once you feel comfortable with someone, and both of you are ready to carry a relationship to a higher level, then it obviously becomes more important to tell that person. But again, don't be too quick to divulge more information then what are comfortable hearing. The trick is to be honest, without scaring the person away. Think of it as fishing. You throw your line out, and wait for a bite. If you get one, then you reel it in a bit and wait for another bite, you continue in this manner, until you have either caught your fish, or it gets away, which does occasionally happen unfortunately. It would also help to not ashamed, but rather "embrace" your illness as part of who you are. If you learn to become comfortable with who you are, it allows for others to be more comfortable around you despite your illness. The best of luck to you!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Love and Mental Health
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:24:44 PM
People with mental dieseases are human just like the rest of us. I do believe that whenever possible, they should be discovered before a relationship becomes serious, but I also believe that it should only be a minor factor as to why or why not a relationship should continue. A mental illness should be treated as a part of who that person is, just like anything else (weight, smoking, odd habits, etc....). If a person is willing to make the necessary adjustments to accomodate such a mate, then their should be no reason why such a relationship can't prosper.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Opinions please
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:03:57 PM
Is your friend serious!!!!!????
It cost him a quarter mil to get rid of her the first time. Not adjusting for inflation, how much does you think it's going to cost him this time?
I hope I'm wrong on this, but this lady is gold digger, and figures that if he's dumb enough to give her that kind of money once, he may be dumb enough to do it again. The fact that she waited 2 years probably means, she's already gone through the first chunk of change he gave her, and bled the well dry with the most recent guy. Again I truly hope I'm wrong, but I don't think this adds up to a simple coincidence. Maybe your friend should try paying her off in counterfeit bills. Probably a poor attempt at humor on my part, but if I am right, I don't expect him to be laughing much either.
Tell your friend good luck for me, and be very thankful that its not you.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Boyfriends in prison
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:15:22 PM
I have to admit, I'm stumped on this one.
Let's see......... Your first love................. Strike one!
21 years old.............................................Ball one!
life sentence..................................................Strike two!
He's in prision have a grand old time with his new friends...........Ball Two!
You're in prisoner in your own home with seemingly very little support........ Foul Tip!
You were together on and off for 8 years before he even went to prison....Ball Three!

Looks like you have a full count. Your asking for advice that doesn't include leave him. The only thing I can suggest is that you insist he get some kind of consuling that hopefully the prison can provide. The fact that he's serving a life sentence in his early 20's is probably a good indication that he has some serious issues. You probably need some serious consuling as well, because you're obviously stuck on a first love that you may eventually have to realize will amount to very little if anything. If you've both taken your individual consuling seriously, then you should have plenty of notes to compare once he's out of prison. After that, its a matter of waiting for the final pitch. If it's strike three, he's outta there, no questions asked! if it's ball four..........then perhaps you've earned your trip to first base and a chance to go even further.
I know firsthand that first loves are very hard to let go of, but..................
Anyways, you're going to need all the luck you can get on this one.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What is the basic needs of a human being?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:45:32 PM
Beautifully stated. And if I may bold enough to sum up in one word;


ITIMACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is indeed the most basic need of each and every single human being.



 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Learning to know One Another
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:40:26 PM
First of all, I believe that the best relationships are those in which you can still learn something new about your partner, even after being married 50 years. In other words, its good to know as much about the person as possible, but there should always be room to "anticipate" learning something knew at any given moment.
Second, past relationships are an excellent source of information about your partner, both good or bad. When venturing on upon this topic, the most telling aspect of a past resolution are how they began, and how they were resolved. If your partner insists on "dwelling" on too many specific details, then perhaps that may a red flag of sorts. Just keep in mind that a past relationship may provide clues as to how he conducts himself in a relationship with you.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
how am i supposed to feel?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:03:24 PM
Wow does that blow!! I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but be thankful you miscarried his baby. Actually, now that I think about it, that could be the reason he felt he needed to move on. That in no way excuses his behavior (He's still an idiot!) but you having his child probably meant more to him than you will ever know, and he unfortunately took it on you without any regard for the pain that you went through as well.
As far as the healing process goes, what you went through was tragic. Women who have abortions have a tough time afterwards, but there pain is by choice, whereas you didn't deserve to go through what you did. My advice is to stay strong, and rather than find a "significant other", simply focus on finding a good friend or two. A support group may also prove helpful as well. The important thing to do is not go through this alone. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and hope you get through this.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Being a Chicken in the Game of Love
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:46:42 PM
Being as he goes to the same church, and he's the same age as your brothers, it sounds like you may have a "buffer" or two who would be willing to help mediate some form of a one on one with this guy. Just be aware that once they do their part, you still have sole responsibility to "open your mouth" when you finally do get your moment. You may also have some people around you who may be able to help you overcome your shyness around him as well. The best of luck to you.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:34:32 PM
Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.
That being said, don't get too hung up the wording of your ad. Rather, take a long, honest, look at what, if anything you contributed to your faulty marriage. If you are truly a victim, then just be yourself, and someone will probably come along who is willing to overlook the divorce issue. Otherwise, I would strongly reccomend you make an effort to resolve and avoid bringing the baggage from your failed marriage into any further relationships. Unlike the airports, "lost" baggage always finds its way back to its owner. Good luck.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Love advice
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:12:57 PM
The good news is, he's a "passive" alchoholic, The bad news is that he's an alcholic.
I would guess you have an advantage in that you can communicate a desire for him to get help with a minimal amount of physical retalliation if any. If you can get him to attend a few AA meetings, on his own, perhaps he might decide he wants to stop drinking. However, be aware that he has to make the decision. For all anyone knows, he may not even have a problem. Only he can make that assessment. You can only "suggest" to him its not wise to run onto a crowded freeway blindfolded, the rest is entirely up to him. What ever happens, also know that whatever happens, you should anticipate a drastic change either way, the moment you approach him about the subject. I will pray that its a change for the better. Good luck.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
dating celebrities
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:59:37 PM
I myself am not much into wrestling, but I would strongly reccommend that you just enjoy the moments you have with this guy for now. If he is indeed shy, than you already have a small victory in your pocket that he is willing to talk to you and get together for meals with you when he can. The more comfortable you become with each other, the greater your chances of perhaps getting the "one on one" you are seeking. If it's his sister who is joining you for dinner, then I don't see an issue with bringing up your feelings for him in front of her. If she likes you, and loves him, she may even help make things a bit easier. However, until that happens, enjoy his friendship. If it's meant to be more than that, then it will happen "in time". The best of luck.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Widow needs advice
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:47:55 PM
You're as old as you feel. Hell if you were about 30 or so years younger, I would answer your ad! Kidding aside, It sounds like you indeed had a excellent relationship with your late husband, and I have no doubt that he would want you to find someone who could treat you as well as he did, if not better , if that is what you truly want. However, that is indeed the question. Do you want to? You seem to be willing to make the effort to court other men, now perhaps its time to take that additional step, and commit to that special person who no doubt will come along if he hasn't already. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, as you probably deserve every bit of it.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Why can't I get a date or meet anyone?
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:26:51 PM
Join the club!!!!!!
Actually, judging by the people I have been trying to meet, it seems that this website is overflowing with people who have been seriously hurt by past relationships. You can't blame them for being afraid, but... "Come on people!!!" if you have enough courage to post an ad, at least have a little bit more courage to respond to potential suitors who are sincere in wanting to know more about you. Paranoia is only valid if noone is willing to give you the freedom to overcome it.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:19:44 PM
Sounds like this guy is either extremely jealous, or bipolar. Perhaps he may have a serious alcohol problem. In any case, you are probably "Looking up the ass of a dead dog with fleas", if you choose to continue to pursue this one. You are strongly encourage to move on. If not, you run the risk of getting involved with someone who is guarenteed to treat you like crap. It could be a medical problem which obviously can be treated, but the drinking binge, and frequent comments about you seeing other men leads me to belive otherwise. If you insist on proceeding, take extreme caution. Good luck!
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 109 (view)
 
How to dumb myself down?
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:09:07 PM
If you like who you are, then don't change for anyone. If someone can't understand where you are coming from, then perhaps it's not about "smart vs stupid", but simply that your communication gap is to wide, which is not necessarily a bad thing. That's just the way life is sometimes. Compromise is a good thing, but not when it comes to sacrificing who you are.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
need help. I sounded like a tramp. Now what?
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:58:48 PM
Being that he is only 18, you probably traumatized the poor guy. you might be better off leaving him be and hopefully learn from your faux paus, and move on with your life. In hind sight, you might have saved yourself a lot of embarrasment. Honesty is good virtue, but sometimes biting your tounge is an even better one. If you do find someone who has mutual feelings for you in the future, this is probably not something you are going to want to share with him if the subject doesn't come up. Anyways, better luck with future interests.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Lesson Learned Avoid Lemons!
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:19:02 PM
A lesson well learned my friend. However, I might also add that not all girls are lying tramps. If you are truly sincere in taking the neccessary time to find about somebody, then you will find that out for yourself. nuff said.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Does insecurity [or insecurities] translates to jealousy and vice versa?
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:14:58 PM
Insecurity can manifest in several different ways, and jealousy is indeed one of them.
A lack of self esteem (or insecurities if you wish) can often cause a person to seek control of an other persons indepence to compensate for the fact that they have no control of their own.
Another way the insecurity manifests is in a person who can't make commitments to one specific person.
Obviously, either of these types of person are to avoided at all costs, as they will never change unless they finally decide to develop some seriously needed self esteem.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Heart broken by a secret jerk and walking contradiction
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:07:07 PM
I'm not going to deny that this guy seems like a complete idiot, but you too need some serious help. He obviously has a problem with showing respect toward women, and will probably get his just rewards at some point in time. However, you are the one with "One night stand! " tattooed on your forehead and everywhere else. Among other things, you probably have some serious self esteem issues that need to be worked out before you can ever hope to meet someone who will treat you with the dignity and respect you probably deserve. Once you get some help, you may find that idiots like the one you described will probably not have much success getting into your pants, and you'll probably feel a lot better about about yourself in the process. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Devastated AGAIN!!
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:54:07 PM
It sounds like she was "testing" you and you didn't do to well my friend. She probably didn't "forget" to tell you, but rather "delayed" telling, in hopes that you wouldn't reject her, which of course you did.
That being said, the first 6 months or so of a relationship, don't really count in terms of getting to know someone well enough to think about engagement or promise rings. My guess is that you moved too quickly and put her in a position to to tell you something that she wasn't ready to tell you. My recommendation is to be thankful that she told you, and when you recover from your hangover, decide whether what she told you was a "promise breaker" or not, and go from there, albeit much slower from here on in.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Be the first...
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:40:59 PM
I completely relate to what you're going through, but I have to ask you; Is running away the answer? There are many women out there who are "high maintenance", and probably not worth taking the time to know, but if "everyone" is like that, then perhaps the problem lies "inward". If you are deadset on moving, then by all means, move. However, before you do, take a good, look at yourself first. If you successfully find something that you can fix about yourself, then perhaps try once again to develop a friendship with women again. If you've sincerely made some personal progress, you may be pleasantly suprised with the results.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Really mixed emothions please help
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:26:07 PM
If I understand correctly, you were an actual couple for over 2 years, and then all of sudden she wants to be friends?. The fact that she's texting other guys is the least of your problems. My guess is she's trying to maintain control of you, for a number of reasons. The friendship part, contrary to popular belief should develop "before" the romance. If she is truly sincere about having you as a friend, than she probably won't mind if you reestablish the "boundaries" of your relationship to compensate for the fact that you are "just friends", and although it may be difficult, you can still maintain a healthy relationship with this girl. If she refuses to comply with these adjustments, then there's a good chance that she is truly taking advantage of the fact that you still have feelings for her, and will probably continue to keep you on a leash, unless you decide to "break" the hold she has on you. Get a firm idea of what you want, "suck it up", lay down your "boundary rules", and above all, enforce them with great vigilance.
If she's not willing to adhere to them, then drop her like a bad habit and move on.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
my husband left me,,,,,
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:09:02 PM
Assuming that what you're saying about your ex is not an emblishment, he sounds like a complete idiot. As far as why you still love him? It could be that you have a hard time loving yourself. If are still in love with a man who slept with anything that wasn't inanimate, not to mention had no concern for anyone but himself, and to top it off, physically abused you, then I would strongly recommend that you seek professional help and afterwards decide on the best approach to moving on. I can guarantee you, that if you don't get help, you will continue to hook up with idiots that will continue to treat you exactly the same way, and maybe next time, you won't be given the opportunity to complain about it on a website like this. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Break?
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:55:45 PM
I don't know what your situation is, but let me first start by saying that a healthy relationship requires a balance of togetherness and seperation. A person who chooses to spend weeks at a time apart from you, is just as bad as someone who always wants to cling to you to the point of suffrocation. If there is not an occasional "gap" in the time you spend together, than take advantage of it by doing something with friends, or even for yourself. If you get to many or, they are "extended" in nature, then perhaps that is the time to remind him that you have needs just like he does. If he can't seem to find time to spend with you, then maybe he has trouble with making long term commitments, and perhaps should be avoided like the plague. Just make sure that you don't use him as an excuse to sacrifice your own need for occassional space.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 252 (view)
 
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:28:11 PM
this sounds like someone who never knew what love was to begin with. and a cop out, for someone who doesn't want to admit that he never did love you, at least in a healthy way.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
ppl writting you emails
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:24:56 PM
I make every effort to proof read my letters before hitting the send button, but I admit that I don't always catch every thing.
In regards to you second question, I don't know if I would be quick to judge that person, but I know that the red flags would flare up pretty quickly, and be very cautious about giving that person any additional personal information whether it's mine or someone else's.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 102 (view)
 
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 7/1/2007 9:28:28 PM
SELF ESTEEM, SELF-ESTEEM, AND SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!
Did I metion Self Esteem?
PEOPLE, HEAR THIS LOUD AND CLEAR!!!!!
If you never had a shred of self worth, for whatever reason, to begin with. (too numerous to mention);
1.you have developed a "crap load" of negative garbage that rattles inside your head.
"I'm not good enough, Noone loves me, I'm worthless, etc........."
2. Enter a guy who has as much or even less selfworth than you do. He however, thinks he's smart by deciding he verbally/physically abuse you to make you "think" he has it all together.
3.He has beaten your last bit of "will" to mush, which makes it nearly impossible to break free of his hold on you.
4. He knows that if he let's up for even a second, there's always that possible that you may break free of his hold on you.
5. Being as that you are both equally scared, it comes downs to that all important question; snaps first.
6. If you're lucky, you finally say enough, and leave him. (unforntunately in most cases you will probably wind up in the arms of yet another abusive partner, unless you break the chain.(write me in private if you want more details).
7. He finally loses it, and you wind up in the hospital or the morge, or if you're luck in jail.
My point is, this can all be avoided if you take the time, ASAP, to leave the loser, get some much needed help(how or where is up to you), and learn to establish and more importantly enforce boundaries that keep you from putting up with future losers.
Even a little bit if self esteem can make the difference between being alone and scar free, or being in an unhealthy relationship that leads to hospital bed or worse.
I hope I've helped anyone who needs it. Best of luck
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Waiting for someone in a relationship to breakup
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:42:28 PM
There doesn't seem to be anything wrong in continuing a conversation with this person, provided you respect her boundaries. As far as waiting for her to break up?, I would suggest you don't stop your life for her sake. Take the time you're given, and perhaps keep your possibilities open by continuing to meet other people. If it's meant to happen between the two of you, than it will. otherwise, you may want to make yourself available to someone who won't make you wait. Besides, it she's break up with her current boyfriend, there's a chance you may be catching her on the rebound, which is not a good way to start a healthy relationship.
In short, wait if you must, but don't let life pass you by in the process.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
 
What do you do when youre friend is sneaky and seeing you ex ~ husband ? :
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:32:47 PM
If you're not in love with your ex anymore, than why worry about it. Your husband is also partially to blame for this new relationship by allowing it to happen, but you're not with him anymore, so he is technically allowed to see who he pleases. I suppose I too would be a bit umcomfortable, but beyond talking to your friend about how you feel, there's not much you can do except maybe find a new friend. Although I would take a minute to find out just how valuable this friend is before making that decision.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Seperated for four months, do i have the right to move on?
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:25:09 PM
For every year in a relationship, it takes about 1 month of "recovery time". If you were married for five or less years, than by all means, move on if you feel ready. and good luck with your search.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 35 (view)
 
bisexual females & monogamous relationships
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:20:11 PM
My personal opinion is that someone who claims to be "bisexual", is merely hiding the fact that they are incappable of making a decision, and should be avoided when it comes to relationships. She either likes girls or guys. I was involved in a situation back in highschool with two girls, one of which was bisexual. Not that I was an innocent victim in the matter, but her inability to make a decisive decision was a big part of the reason the three of of us each lost two very good freinds.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
What to do.......don't want to mess things up......
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:08:58 PM
Short but sweet; If he's your best friend, than you might want to consider respecting his wishes. It sounds like you have a very intimate relationship going there, and the worst thing you could do is push him into something he doesn't want. If he's sincere in his decision, then that means you are free to find someone else that perhaps will see you as more than a friend. Take advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
should someone in a relationship have secret friends of the oppisite sex
Posted: 7/1/2007 7:59:15 PM
My take is that you have at least one friend of each sex that you can occasionally be able to confide in. Like you, I agree that you should not be secretive about these friendships, especially if you established boundaries with these friends.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
need some advice
Posted: 7/1/2007 7:52:39 PM
Based on the one month/year ratio in regards to how much time is needed to time needed before starting a new relationship. You have every right to expect time to slow down and take some personal time before moving on. My advice would be to "just tell her". If you were telling her something that might be construed as offensive, than that's one thing, but you are merely telling her that you new to take your time with this new relationship for the purpose of creating a healthier relationship with her if and when the time is right.
A word of warning however. If she is insistant on moving faster than than you are ready to go, then that could a "red flag", that she may be "clingy", in which case a more you may want to approach a relationship with this girl very carefully if at all. The other women to are talking to for advice sounds like she may a more viable option, once you are ready to move on, but that would just be an opinion. Anyways, good luck.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Skeletons
Posted: 7/1/2007 2:17:26 PM
Just by the fact that we are human beings, we all have "skeletons" in our past. I think that its actually a good thing, as it allows us to build character. Those who have skeletons, with no intentions of dealing with or who flat ignore them for that matter, are usually cause to throw up the "red flags". However, those who are making the extra to overcome and perservere, should usually rank higher than those who who seem to "coast" through life. But of course, here is where the need for time in getting to know someone comes into play. Hope this helps.
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Advise Needed
Posted: 6/29/2007 10:03:22 PM
The problem may be two fold. The unfortunate problem is the idiots that wasted your time. Which leads to the second problem, the one you may be aable to do something about. Although all three guys are obviously different, they appear to have a similar "MO" if you will. This leads me to propose this question to you. "Is it the luck of the draw, or are you somehow attracting these kind of idiots?. Once, I would be inclined to say luck, but three....?
Anyways, you might want to take a minute to think about how you are approaching this venture back into the pond. I don't know anything about you, but there's something that you are doing to attract the dregs of humanity. Perhaps it may be something as simple something you said or implied in your profile, or perhaps there's an internal message that's telling you these are the kind of men that should be interested in you. Again, I don't know you, but going by your letter, it sounds to me like you are coming across as "easy", or "naive", which could be from the long dating layoff. Before you go out on anymore dates, double check to see if you are not giving wrong or mixed signals, and go from there. If its something that you can't see, write me back with some more personal background detail than what you've provided, and maybe I can be of a bit more help. Or better yet, talk to a professional if possible. Whatever you decide to do, good luck on your next date.
 
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