Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Can being accommodating be a bad thing?
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Can being accommodating be a bad thing?
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:43:50 PM
I agree with Abelian 100%, especially if it's a first meeting, date, or whatever. I'm more concerned with who I'm spending my time with than the trivialities of where it's happening. Within reason of course.

Usually, I'll suggest a few options, since I don't know what the other person may prefer.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 96 (view)
 
What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:25:35 PM
Everybody here has it all wrong arguing over the virtues of where one lives. Me? I prefer to date the homeless.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is confidence really the deal breaker?
Posted: 1/18/2012 8:17:58 PM
My question is, "Confidence in what?" People react differently in different situation. They can be supremely confident in some situations, and not confident at all in others.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 107 (view)
 
Star Wars and Harry Potter Fan = single for life?
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:26:05 PM
What's with Harry Potter and Star Wars? The real "trilogy" is Aliens, Predator, and The Terminator.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 72 (view)
 
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 1/15/2012 9:26:14 PM
Western economies are only going to get worse. I suspect that extended families will become the new norm in the not too distant future. Some of the people on this very thread will end up having to apply the "loser" label to their own children one day.

The real issue is that he claimed to be afraid of the real world. That is completely separate from his living situation.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Do women have too many options?
Posted: 11/7/2011 10:07:06 PM

And it is a fair amount of sub 30% guys chasing after the top 30% women. Then ****ing because these women have "too many options" and are "shallow". Tweak your parameters even a little and you will have more opportunities.

Guys don't even pick the other women up on their radar. It is selective acknowledgement or something. They are only conscious of the women that fall within the narrow bandwidth of what they find desirable. I have been guilty of it myself.


I think the whole line about the majority of men looking for a beauty queen is a complete myth. The problem is that there are so many women that are so godawfully out of shape (i.e. leviathan, behemoth, etc.) that there is no choice but to compete for the minority that actually takes care of their bodies.

I have standards, but I'm not that picky. My criteria is pretty much whether I enjoy the woman's company. All I seek is a woman that has a normal human form, is of good character, and is reasonably intelligent or educated. There are more considerations, of course, but these are the big three. I'd take the "girl next door" any day of the week.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Do women have too many options?
Posted: 11/7/2011 10:02:18 PM
A lot of interesting comments here. My thoughts:

1) Yes, women have more options then men. How can this even be debated when men complain about the chirping of crickets in their inbox while women complain about getting bombarded with daily emails?

2) Even the unattractive women have it easier. I have a friend that's a dating site junkie, and she's, well, not very attractive and very overweight. Nonetheless, she has no problem getting responses.

3) It's obvious that women have a lot of options when the conversations are so dull. I always try to give at least a paragraph (not too much, mind you) and usually get a one sentence response, even from women that I had eventually met in person. They simply have no desire to put much effort since they don't need to.

4) Women these days seem to go from attractive to ugly in ten seconds. With obesity so rampant now, it's become harder to find a middle ground. So yes, you have more men that are competing for women who are in good shape. However, even the unattractive ones can get messages.

5) Because of #4, a lot of plain or simply in-shape albeit not overly attractive women think they are hotter than they really are. Enter the ego. Nothings worse than when an utter cow has the "princess mentality." At least with a woman with a flawless body, the "princess mentality" is explainable.

6) Also, most of the grossly overweight women I have met have said that they don't like overweight men. WTF? But then, they can afford to be that picky, since eventually a guy that is better looking then them will settle, if for no other reason than to get his rocks off.

7) I get the feeling that men are treated as disposable commodities to most women these days. Why not, when 100 other men are lined up in the inbox?

8) This situation would likely cause "statistical analysis" of the would-be men. When there are tons of options, one can afford to think, "Well, John has a good job, but Mark is really tall. Ooh...Paul has a Master's Degree!" I think men in the online dating scene are relegated to a bunch of stats (of course, pics count too, as always).

9) I think this hurts women too. Since they will be approached by men who are technically more attractive than them, so of course they'll go for the hot guy. However, the hot guy will move on to a woman at his attractiveness level when he gets the chance, so enter the, "Why aren't there any good guys?" I, for one, would not think of approaching a supermodel. *In before calls of lack of confidence* It's just realistic that such a woman would look elsewhere eventually.

10) At the end of the day, women get plenty of emails from otherwise perfectly suitable males. They may be good men and attractive men, but just barely not attractive as one of the others, so he never gets the opportunity and has to move on to the next woman, only to keep playing the same numbers game.

11) Fortunately, the real world is much easier!
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 108 (view)
 
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 11/6/2011 4:34:31 PM

The ring is gift. It is approporate to keep it. It is also usually considered a gift in civl divorce court.


Well, judging from these forums, it's not so much a gift as it is an expectation.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:49:51 PM

"The engagement ring is an outdated idea that should have been scrapped with the rise of feminism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring"

this comment really cracked me up. it sounds to me like you just don't want to feel like you have to buy one for a woman. if that's the case with you, then don't. sure, you'll look like a thoughtless cheap man, but that is the chance you take.


Or perhaps it sounds like you feel entitled to an expensive hunk of metal and diamond by virtue of getting married? The idea that a woman needs an expensive gift in order to get married seems like it's missing the spirit of the whole point of marriage.

If a man wants to, or can afford to, purchase an expensive engagement ring or any ring at all, then it should be because he wants to, not because the woman feels entitled to it. Also, I'm not one to attack tradition for its own sake, but for some people it would make more sense to save the money so that they can build a life together. What value does a piece of jewelry really hold?

For the record, if I get married I'd buy the damned ring, but I wouldn't make myself broke doing it.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How do I ask this question?
Posted: 11/5/2011 5:54:33 PM
Just run it by her and find out. You've already seen each other naked, so there shouldn't be any awkwardness. Also, if she's up for the idea, then neither person is really "using" the other.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 11/5/2011 5:28:14 PM
Lawlush:


im telling you as a futur lawyer, this is called a conditional gift and he has absolutely and i repeat ABSOLUTELY no legal right to that ring. She should pawn it , or bring it back to the store and ask for the ring to be made into a necklace.

again he has NO legal rights to that ring


So? What are you, Judge Dredd? Using THE LAW as a source to make ethical decisions is problematic to say the least. Also, something that is conditional means that, as the term implies, there are conditions set in place which determine the validity of a claim. An unconditional gift would mean that the gift-giver would have no legal recourse to regain the gift.

Spiceual:


keeeeeep it and let him kiss your as* hahaha


What a joke. Rather than contemplating whether one should keep such a potentially expensive item, you would be one to make it into an issue of spite.

I do believe that a gift is a gift, but I think reasonable people would not decide to keep the ring depending upon circumstance. I think if a woman breaks off the engagement, she should do the honorable thing and return the ring. I also think a reasonable person would return the engagement ring to the ex-husband if the marriage were so short, as it is in the original scenario. I, for one, would not feel right keeping such an expensive item, nor would I feel entitled to it. Would as many women feel the same way if tradition dictated that women purchase a ring for their future husbands? I suspect we'd see a drastic change in attitude.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Your Intelligence is Intimidating?
Posted: 11/4/2011 8:08:54 PM

I was expecting to see you having a PHD or something but you are a Paralegal


So? While there may be a correlation between higher education and intelligence, it doesn't mean that there's a definitive connection. Intelligence isn't the same as education. As for education, there are more ways to become educated than going to school. Schools are just the easier route since you have someone to provide guidance, have access to resources, and get a piece of paper at the end.

Besides, all I have to do is turn on C-SPAN to realize that a Harvard education is laughably bad.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Your Intelligence is Intimidating?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:14:04 PM

THAT was not a smart thing to say...


I'm not so sure. I don't mean acting outright dumb, but toning it down a bit. I'm not one of those folks that carries a Thesaurus around with me, but I've had people refer to me as eloquent and the like. I'm just thinking about trying to make myself speak more plainly, bring up certain topics of conversation less often, and keeping my more creative thoughts to myself. Being different can be a drawback, even if the difference is a perceived strength.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Your Intelligence is Intimidating?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:08:22 PM

Surely you jest?


Sadly, no. One of the women that had said my intelligence intimidated her told me that I was soooo smart that it didn't make sense that I was so good-looking (well, to her at least). What a back-handed compliment.

Don't get me wrong, I can laugh at fart jokes, but I get tired of trying to talk about something that is a bit more than what was on last night's television show, and having a conversation fizzle. It isn't good for either of us though, I'd imagine.

I just get so sick of people always saying how smart they think I am that I almost want to scream. "Nice eyes." No problem. "Great smile." Awesome. "You're sooo smart." Arrrrrrgh!!!!
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Your Intelligence is Intimidating?
Posted: 11/4/2011 6:46:19 PM
It's not like I'm a mad scientist. Seriously though, I've gotten this more than once from women, and not as a break-up line or anything like that. It kind of bothered me since I don't think I'm condescending to people, and I put greater value on salt of the earth wisdom as opposed to pretentious intellectualism.

Is being on the brainier side a drawback? I'm not talking about Revenge of the Nerds here, but I sometimes wonder if I'd be better off dumbing myself down a bit. And no, I'm not here trying to say how smart I am; if I wanted that I'd give my mother a call.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Star Wars and Harry Potter Fan = single for life?
Posted: 10/30/2011 6:33:36 PM

The point of the thread isn't that being a fan of something is limiting....the point is being so immersed in one subject/topic/interest that the fantasy IS your reality will be limiting.

Using ANYTHING to escape reality will limit your success!

Remember people....moderation!

Personally I like taking moderation to an extreme level!


Our "representatives" (well, speaking for the U.S. at least) are completely immersed in fantasy, yet they still manage to find people to mate with.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Do women have too many options?
Posted: 10/30/2011 6:27:20 PM

Great that you can communicate well, but, it can also be construed as a sign of weakness.


So, poor communication ability is a strength? Damn, the public schools must be proud of their handiwork.


Biologically speaking women produce more males than females.


Just the opposite.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Star Wars and Harry Potter Fan = single for life?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:04:57 PM
I think it's ridiculous that Star Wars is so singled out for ridicule, and that the most extreme examples of geekdom are assumed to be the standard (Luke Skywalker pajamas...really?). It's gotten to the point that I think people have intentionally avoided the movies, or pretend that they have done so, so as not to appear to be nerdy. I think some of these people secretly jack off to the movies but are too ashamed to admit it. Seriously, if you're around 30 years old or so and have never seen any of the Star Wars movies, then you're an outright Communist. I take it you never saw Raiders of the Lost Ark, Back to the Future, or Adventures in Babysitting () either?

Having said that, Aliens, Predator, and The Terminator are much better sci-fi. I've always preferred my sci-fi to have a bit more grit.

Of course, if you are the stereotype, then yeah, you might have some problems...
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Single for life?
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:19:14 PM
First of all, I would suggest against taking medication. If you're depressed because your life sucks (which it sounds like it does), a magic pill won't change reality. But then, you know yourself better than any of us do, so make your own decision.

Are you overweight? If so, definitely trim away the pounds. It will take discipline, but if you want the feeling of that warm, wet **** badly enough, you'll do it. If you're not overweight, I'm not sure going to the gym would be all that beneficial in proportion to the effort expended. There are plenty of men with normal builds that get women.

You'll definitely have to find a job, which is difficult in these times. I don't know what your educational background is, but try to go to a community college or something. Hell, I'd even recommend enlisting in the military. It helps with social skills, since you'll make friends of the sort that you probably wouldn't in normal life. Wearing the same uniform helps break social barriers and is a good icebreaker for conversation with other personnel.

Think of women like...an RPG game. In the beginning you'll have to fight goblins (i.e. date ugly women), but as you gain experience and skills, you can start to fight tougher opponents.

The biggest thing is that you'll have to maintain discipline and keep pushing yourself. Good luck!
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
How do you even meet girls?
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:06:39 PM
OP: I think you should join the military.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 387 (view)
 
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/2/2011 6:35:19 PM

yes, there are distortions, but people either survive/thrive well or they do not. if they do not, more often then not they lack the skills to adapt to the economic environment that they are in. I do think the accumulation of wealth is definitely an indicator that the person is savvy, and has the skills to survive/thrive. sure, some people make more money then others, usually by virtue of the fact that they chose to go into a field where the options for creating wealth were much greater. i.e., a doctor is certainly going to make a lot more money then someone who decided to a radiology tech school. the career choices that one makes says a lot about the person, and reflect their values and interests.


Considering that most Americans are grossly overweight, I highly doubt that there is a survival issue here. Sure, some people have traits that make them more likely to to get the sort of job, or create their own business, which will likely result in a higher income. However, I don't think it would be accurate to necessarily turn it into a survival of the fittest issue; owning a yacht, or what have you, isn't a necessity. Furthermore, some people can be happy without accumulating a lot of wealth, and I wouldn't be one to cast judgments on their intrinsic value.

However, if we need to go there, considering that we have a massive welfare state, the distortions are far too large to ignore. Many people benefit from the fruits of others' labor through government coercion. The only real way to get closer to your comparison between wealth accumulation and ability is to adopt a free market economy. Even then, there wouldn't be a direct correlation. Sure, there are winners and losers, but sometimes the weak prosper and the strong fall. Is the team the wins the Superbowl always the technically best team of the season? No.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 382 (view)
 
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:34:33 AM

"If by character you mean virtue, I fail to see the direct relationship between character and money."

money is simply a byproduct of exchanging your goods and or services in the work place. money is neither virtuous nor the root of all evil. if someone is really effective at exchanging their good or services in the marketplace, then some measure of recognition or reward is the result. money may not mean that the person is an upstanding, moral, nice person, but it certainly means that they are effective in their work-life. being good at something is certainly a measure of character to some extent - if anything, it simply means that someone has worked hard to become something, or that they are creative and have great ingenuity. sure, there are people that inherit great wealth, but 80% of all millionaires in the US are self made, and first generation. having great wealth certainly has some drawbacks, however. as benjamin franklin once said, "many a man has been ruined by success." so if anything, it certainly takes character to handle money well, and not indulge the worst of one's self.


I don't exactly disagree with you, but it doesn't really address the issue, nor does it consider other factors that lead to the accumulation of wealth. Demand for the good or service (including labor for the employer) is a large consideration. There are plenty of people who work hard, but may not make as much money as someone who doesn't work as hard. Besides, the U.S. doesn't operate under a laissez-faire, free market economy, so there are plenty of distortions to the market and how money is exchanged.

I'm as free markey as they come. I believe that things such as the income tax and property tax are immoral, and nothing more than theft through the use of state force. I don't begrudge anyone for making money however they can, but I'm under no illusion that someone's income necessarily says anything about one's virtue.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 381 (view)
 
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:23:07 AM

Let me add this.....

A greedy man will never have enough...
A thrifty man will have abundance...
A fool will have neither...
Because a fool and his money are soon parted....

[Note to gender police..... the above is using the grammatical construct of "he,his,man" interchangeably with "she,her,woman" as required... fool is of course gender neutral]

@phil..... if clarity is still a problem .... write these sayings down on very small pieces of paper and take them to your local Chinese establishment.... grocery, restaurant, etc.... ask for a detailed explanation


No need. Your forum posts come from fortune cookies. Noted.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
When his friends are the red flags
Posted: 10/1/2011 8:13:33 PM
I think you should marry him.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Stalkers, Creeps, and Assorted Scum...
Posted: 10/1/2011 8:10:25 PM
Invariably, almost every woman I've met from an online dating site has complained about how she had met some real creeps. In general, women seem more apprehensive about online dating for safety reasons.

My question is: Are there really that many "psychos" out there? Sometimes I can't help but wonder if there is some high exaggeration going on. I know that men have also complained about the psycho girl, but I've never encountered any people like this. On the other hand, I've always held that it isn't that hard to figure out who the bad people are.

I'm just curious if this problem is really so prevalent.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 362 (view)
 
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 9/30/2011 3:09:36 PM

Money and how its handled is simply a barometer of underlying character

Rich people of poor character handle money badly and soon become poorer

Poor people of rich character handle money well and soon become richer


What? That doesn't even remotely make sense. If by character you mean virtue, I fail to see the direct relationship between character and money.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 314 (view)
 
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:11:58 PM

I think that guys should pay most of the time.


Why? What is the logical basis for this assertion? Oh, that's right, there is none.

What's funny is that there are many women who identify themselves as feminists (theoretically seeking equality), yet when it comes to "gender roles" in dating, men are still expected to foot the bill. Nevermind the fact that in the U.S., at this current time, there are more women in the workforce and more women attending college.

I have no problem paying for a date, or even paying to be around anyone I like. I'll do it because I want to, but if it's expected of me as a prerequisite for having the honor of your company, I'll pass.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Have you personally had a relationship form outof a FWB scheme?
Posted: 9/26/2011 6:02:10 PM
I had a hooker that wanted to date me...does that count?
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
WTF???
Posted: 9/26/2011 6:00:33 PM
Well, I'd say that I somehow scare the majority of women away that I exchange emails with on this site. Always the day of, or the day before a planned meeting. At least you get your foot in the door. Without having met you, I really can't say what you may or may not be doing wrong. Profiles and email messages mean nothing.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Is dating in your 30's a DEAD ZONE????
Posted: 9/26/2011 5:00:03 PM

man you are so right about that! if you don't have a job that makes X amount of $, most women don't even want to know you....as if material things matter most to them than a relationship. i've had better luck with foreign women and plan to make a trip to south america just for kicks. i figured, if i'm single, why stay in the city i live in for vacation, when there's a bigger world out there. the best thing to do is just have fun with your life....don't hold back for anybody!


I think there's some truth there. This older soldier that I had known in the Army had said there's a reason why GI's get married to foreign women. They tend to be less materialistic and more family-oriented than American women. I'm considering going for foreign women as well; more attractive, more educated, and more virtuous.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 144 (view)
 
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 9/21/2011 3:30:55 PM
I'm surprised there have been so many responses without this being labelled as a pity thread.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Meeting 1-on-1 or in groups?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:44:43 PM
Where does one find speed dating events? I've never tried that; at the very least I'd like to do that just to say I did.

In any case, to answer the original question, I prefer to meet one-on-one.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Would you date someone who HAD cancer?
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:55:18 AM
I dated a woman that had her appendix removed, so I really don't see the issue here.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Career woman a TURN OFF?
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:17:52 AM
I can only speak for myself, and I tend to have my own drumbeat, but it isn't a turn off to me. Honestly, I couldn't care less how much a woman makes, unless I'd be forced to support her 100%. What's more important to me is how I feel when around the other person.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 112 (view)
 
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/21/2011 8:03:16 PM
How is it shallow to leave or not enter a relationship with someone who is not compatible? Bad sex equals bad relationship. If one person is not sexually satisfied, then the relationship is likely doomed at some point. Besides, I'd like to know if the woman I am with has the same sexual interests. It would be foolish to marry a woman and then be unhappy because of sexual unfulfillment.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Confidence.
Posted: 8/21/2011 12:13:25 PM
There are times when I don't like to receive compliments if the situation is one where I'd feel like the person is looking for one in return. I rarely give out compliments since I don't do so unless I truly mean it. I hate it when people fish for compliments. Reminds me of the time a woman had told me she loved me, and I said "Thank you."
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Snuggle?
Posted: 8/21/2011 12:06:52 PM
OP: I like to smell a woman's hair while she sleeps, especially if I have to break the lock to her door to get in and have never met her. Point being, what is so creepy about cuddling?
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 168 (view)
 
Single parents, are they abusing the welfare system?
Posted: 8/18/2011 7:18:41 PM
Of course welfare is abused. In fact, it's an inherently abusive system. So long as government force and coercion is used against people in order to levy wealth and hand it out to others, it is abusive. Every law implicitly has the force of a gun behind it. Try not paying taxes or complying with government force, and guns will be drawn against you at some point.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Benefit of the doubt? (cancelled dates)
Posted: 8/16/2011 5:29:26 PM

Make them bring a note from their doctor.


Sounds good in theory, until the reason for the cancellation was a herpes outbreak.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Benefit of the doubt? (cancelled dates)
Posted: 8/16/2011 4:51:16 PM

If they arent rescheduling, then technically that would be a one strike rule. I say give someone the benefit of the doubt but if they do reschedule and cancel again, give them the boot.


To clarify, I meant if they were to actually reschedule, rather than say they will. For instance, I'd be more forgiving of, "Sorry, I can't make it tomorrow, but are you available on Thursday?" as opposed to, "I can't make it tomorrow. We'll have to reschedule."
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Benefit of the doubt? (cancelled dates)
Posted: 8/16/2011 4:20:01 PM
I'm sure most of us have been cancelled on; fortunately I haven't been outright stood up...yet. In any case, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. So far, every person that has cancelled on me has never rescheduled. I'm starting to think I should just go by a one strike rule, unless the other person seems to legitimately wish to reschedule (like an actual phone call rather than a damned text, for instance). What is your policy on this? How often does it happen? I know it happens to both men and women quite frequently.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Thoughts on former military men?
Posted: 8/14/2011 8:58:25 PM
I've done a search and found threads about dating military men, and how it's hard with deployments. This is not the topic I wish to bring up.

I just want to know if there are any pre-conceived opinions, be it positive or negative. For instance, there may be stereotypes about political affiliation, aggressiveness, PTSD, etc. Also, I've had a woman tell me that my service gave me an "edge," while another assumed that every man that had been in the military was full of themselves.

I think that having the military on your "résumé" can be a divisive thing, and am just wondering on peoples' opinions on that.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Is everything always about SEX!!!!?????
Posted: 8/10/2011 10:28:04 PM

From sexy714 "Is everything always about SEX!!!!?????"


See how that works, OP? Here, let's try it with the peron who originally posted the sentence above:

From casey0413 "Is everything always about CASE!!!!?????"

See the difference, OP? You reap what you sow.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is everything always about SEX!!!!?????
Posted: 8/10/2011 8:47:46 PM

"lagit im pretty but im not stupid and hate being used its BULLSHIT "

That sentence pretty much summed you up.


Thread winner.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is everything always about SEX!!!!?????
Posted: 8/10/2011 8:32:50 PM
sexy714: Your profile is sexy714 and you're asking why everything is always about sex? Seriously, what do you expect?

I can only speak for myself, but I'm not looking for just sex, and I don't approach women that way. However, I'm not looking for a person to play checkers with. If I needed a bud I'd hang out with my male friends. The bottom line is that if a woman isn't going to take her clothes off for me at some point, I will move on. Either she's not attracted enough to me, or our sex drives aren't compatible.

In any case, I'd suggest changing your screen name and to take out "partying" as an interest.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
women in the military
Posted: 8/8/2011 9:42:14 PM
I was in the Reserve but am out now. I support the troops...besides, a sergeant knows how to take care of privates.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Man living with his mother
Posted: 8/8/2011 3:47:51 PM
^^^You just want to feel sorry for yourself and not listen to anything. I worked for years on and off for temp agencies when I didn't have a job. GO TO A TEMP AGENCY and get some work instead of whining. They do not care if you have a degree. They hire people with degrees for entry level work.

The US has had at least two serious recessions during the time I've been a working adult. The thing is I had to survive and take care of myself. I would have NEVER gone back to my parents with my tail between my legs because I couldn't take care of myself. No man EVER supported me.

I just purposely changed jobs and was hired despite my age (for which I encountered serious prejudice) and the recession. Sorry, not buying the woe is me thing from someone who is 31 years old. Wait until you're near 60 if you want to understand prejudice against being hired.

My friend had her own small business which went belly up. She has a child in school to support and a mortgage to pay. She got work in an area where she had very limited experience. She got it because she worked damned hard going after it. In fact she got one job and went through several weeks of training that was like 'suvivor' and only a few survived training. She wasn't one. A week later, because she had sent out so many resumes a focused so hard on available jobs, she was hired by another company and survived training. She lives in a poor southern state, one of the ones with the worst economy right now. She researched what kind of jobs were hiring and went after one. Perserverance. It's not about thinking of her as less or more of a person; again, your self pity is obvious. It is about what character is or not.

My dad lost his skilled blue collar job at the age of about 40 because the company closed down. He became a janitor and did that for 10 years. At 50 he went to night school, while he continued to work full time and raise a family of 4 kids, and got new creditionals for a skilled job. Then he went to work at something better than being a janitor.

Character is character. Does lack of it make anyone less of a human being? Not necessarily. Does lack of it make someone tiresome and less likely to get respect? Yes.


I'm not feeling sorry for myself...I have a job. I'm not even speaking for myself, but for Americans in general, and have used personal experiences in order to support my claims, along with the ability to reason and analyze. You're simply making statements that are factually inaccurate. Can I not make factual statements without it being dismissed as a pity party? See, the problem is that people look at so-called recessions and ignore the writing on the wall. As much as it pains me to say it, the truth is that the U.S. is going down economically.

How hypocritical too. You complained about ageism yet dismiss what I have said as simply whining? Seriously? The difference is that I won't hold that against you, since I have a rational mind and realize that there is age discrimination out there. Facts are facts, after all.


Anyway, to get back on topic, in this particular case, the problem is that the OP's boyfriend seems somewhat controlled by his mother. At his age, that is simply not a good thing, regardless of his living situation. On the other hand, we only get the OP's perspective.

If the OP really loves, or thinks she loves, this man, then she will be able to communicate her concerns with him.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Man living with his mother
Posted: 8/8/2011 10:52:56 AM

Not buying it. No idea what my age has to do with it. I lived through a couple of very serious recessions during my life, not really any worse than today's. I have done tons of temp work for temp agencies. No one turned me down because I had a degree.


Your age doesn't have so much to do with the issue, except for comparing what the economic climate was like a generation ago as opposed to today.


As far as I know, McDonalds does not turn down people because of their having a degree. Also, any temp agency will hire people with degrees. And, btw, your ageism toward me is disgusting, absolutely disgusting. You think someone who is 59 doesn't know about the world, doesn't know reality? BS.


Yes, mimimum wage jobs will turn someone down for having a degree. I've spoken to some people that hire for such jobs, and they had admitted that applicants with a degree may be tossed aside without a second thought. The reason is that they believe that the person with a degree will quit as soon as they find a better job, which to be fair is usually the case.

Also, in my personal circumstance, I'm sure that being in the Reserve didn't help, since I'd often get asked when I'd get deployed next. That was one of the main reasons I had chosen not to re-enlist.

I have nothing against your age, so I don't understand where your disgust and accusations are generated from. I'm just saying that the economic conditions of today are much different from when you were younger. It's a bit harder for someone to get a foot in the door to an entry-level job. In addition, like our currency, the value of a degree suffers from inflation; that is to say that a bachelor's degree is not as valuable as they were years ago, since more people have obtained them.


Another point about being out of work in America. I have a friend who was out of work. She spend nearly 24/7 online researching and sending out her resume, going for job interviews, etc. She got a new job within about 3 weeks. This is a woman with two kids who she rasied on her own because the ex did not pay child support. This is a woman who bought her own home, not something she got in a divorce settlement.


Good for her, but what if she didn't get hired despite her efforts? Would that have made her less of a person? Also, how much experience did she have in the job she had applied for? If she were young and had no experience in the position, what would her odds be? Less?
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Man living with his mother
Posted: 8/7/2011 11:22:28 PM
Velma: You're 59. This is the new America. I was unemployed for awhile and was hanging out at a VFW. An 80 year old vet told me that I should just work...dig ditches or something. I told him I have a degree and have been turned down for a job because of it. I'd dig a ditch if I could make a buck, but if nobody is hiring for that, then what can I do about it. Hell, I was in the military, so God knows I'd be willing to do almost anything for a buck.
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Guys, Have you ever done this? Should I believe my boyfriend?
Posted: 8/7/2011 9:00:50 PM
I'll admit that I've jerked off while wearing a condom once, just to change it up a bit. It wouldn't be a common occurence, but it's certainly possible.
 
Show ALL Forums