Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Long Term Relationship - What Time Length Defines It?
Posted: 10/5/2013 9:56:09 AM
If I'm considering a LTR with someone, it pretty much means I already see them as someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Or at least feel like there's a special connection there that could lead to "forever" together. Otherwise, I'm just in a relationship, or dating someone trying to see if that connection or chemistry exists.

I don't put a timeline on LTRs. It's the intent I think that defines the relationship more. I've been married twice, both times for 7 years or so. I consider both of them LTRs because I married those women. I would never marry a woman without first thinking I could be with them forever and that's how I personally define a LTR. I'd also add that I think it's possible for two people to be in a LTR without ever getting married. It's the less popular route, but perfectly viable for a couple under the right circumstances.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Orgasms from penetration alone
Posted: 10/5/2013 9:28:03 AM
All I can say about this topic is I would HOPE my lover would be honest with me about what does and doesn't "do it" for her. Communication, communication, communication. Nothing beats it. And I'd jump through hoops if that's what it took to get her off. I just want to know what kind of hoops to buy and how to use them. ;)
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 285 (view)
 
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/5/2013 9:14:25 AM
As someone already said, I'm WAY more concerned with a woman's state of health (disease free), than the number of men she's slept with. An ex-escort who's practiced disciplined safe sex could make a better long term prospect than a lot of women I've known.

It's about chemistry and compatibility, not numbers. Get tested, then if the waters are safe, have fun together.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 195 (view)
 
What is the magic of cumming inside?
Posted: 10/5/2013 8:57:05 AM
OK, this is my best way to describe it..imagine you haven't eaten for a week. You are super starving! Then you get lucky and get a mouthful of the best food you have ever tasted..your chewing it, savoring it, your in bliss... You begin to swollow..THEN YOU HAVE TO SPIT IT OUT. (in case your not sure of this sensation, try it when your really hungry)
This feeling times a hundred and you get a vague idea of what NOT cumming inside is.


While you start out with a decent metaphor for what it's like for a guy to pull out, you then lose some credibility by adding that last statement. Look, it feels more natural and certainly is an amazing sensation to ejaculate inside, whether it's vaginal, anal, or oral, cumming inside is a near supernatural experience for men, but it isn't as painful or even unpleasant to pull out as you attempt to make it out to be. Is it a disappointment to "need" to pull out? Yes, of course, but it isn't equivalent to being starved to death. That's silly. In fact, sometimes it's nice to mix things up and paint her face, breasts, or bum with your cum. According to both of your tastes of course. ;)
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
what would make you deviate from your 'type' ?
Posted: 9/15/2013 7:54:06 AM
I'm not sure there is a "type" I look for. Both my ex-wives were nearly complete opposites. First one was short, dark haired, and 2 years younger than I. Second one was tall, blonde, and 9 years older than I. Personality wise they weren't even close either. I think the main thing is instant attraction. Everyone knows what that means. Either you find them interesting at a glance or you don't. If you do, and you're lucky enough for them to find you interesting at a glance also, then the two of you find out if you can stand to be in the same room for a while without killing each other. All the other little odds and ends have to be sorted through over time.

As for my "type", I suppose I probably fall into the musician with a stache category. So I'm an example of what you're tired of seeing so much of I guess. LOL
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Driving myself crazy
Posted: 9/9/2013 8:01:24 AM
OP, I don't have an answer for you other than to tell you a fact. There's very little in life that hurts more than to love someone and not have that love returned. It's a very painful and lonely position to find yourself in. The only way to get yourself out of this situation is to literally sever all ties and focus your attention somewhere else. Work is one place to focus your attention. Since the two of you still work together, you're going to have to find a way to remain cordial at work, but keep your focus on work related goals and avoid contact with her beyond what's required to get the job done. That's on you, and it's tough, but reality bites man. I can't put it in any nicer way my friend. Good luck to you.

Bill
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What attributes do you look for when attracted to people?
Posted: 9/8/2013 4:40:18 PM
First and foremost a nice, pleasant face that attracts my attention. A sense of humor is also a must. I'm a bit of a heavy guy and I like gals to have a figure and be nice and soft to hold, but there's a point where too much is, well...too much. Other than that, you have to get to know them and their personalities before you really know if the attraction will hold.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Wearing Jeans on a First Date
Posted: 9/8/2013 2:52:33 PM
The first date is all about finding out who that person is, isn't it? I didn't know it was a fashion show. You can bet I'll be showing up for a quick 30min meet n greet in my jeans or maybe even shorts if it's summer. I don't care what you're wearing to the coffee shop, bar or diner we meet at. As long as it's in good repair and not crude or ridiculously embarrassing looking. I do promise however I'll leave my "Women Suck" T-shirt at home for our first meeting. ;)
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
The Secretive Woman..
Posted: 9/8/2013 2:43:04 PM

Some times I wish it was set up on here that the only way to see pics is for the user to have pics posted as well. If you don't have a pic, you can still read the profile, you just cant see the pic until you have posted a pic. if people want to exchange pics on their own, so be it.


@nj2ut That's a great idea!
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Has Porn Effected peoples Sex lives
Posted: 9/8/2013 2:14:32 PM
I know porn has affected my sex life. Without it, and my right hand I wouldn't have any.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Seeking some advice
Posted: 9/8/2013 1:23:27 PM
I could be wrong and it certainly wouldn't be the first time, but this sounds like a woman who likes you a lot, but can't see a future with you because of your religious beliefs, but hopes maybe if she keeps telling you how much she likes you, maybe you'll change your mind about her religion and convert over?

I'd say if you have no intention to, nor would even ever consider converting to her religion, then sever ties completely. Her repeated correspondence will only make things worse on you both.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
The Secretive Woman..
Posted: 9/8/2013 12:42:25 PM
It may be viewed as wrong, and trust me I've already enraged a few folks on these forums from lack of tact or care in my wording of things, but personally I won't message someone without a picture in their profile. Like Cowboy said, why waste time with someone who's afraid to show their face? I automatically assume they're hiding something if they don't have at least one pic up on their profile.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
loneliness question? Single for too long is not good?
Posted: 9/6/2013 9:42:01 AM
Loneliness and single don't have to necessarily be the same thing. Many have already pointed this out, and that you can be just as lonely, or even more so, while in a relationship. A lot also depends on the individual and that individual's life history and personality and how they fit together. I've been single for 8 years. Was married twice for 7 years (give or take a few months) each.

I'm less lonely now than I was in both those relationships. At least toward the end of the relationships anyway. I often find myself wishing I had someone with similar interests to hang out with and do things with (that's why I'm here on POF with my profile set as looking for friends). And of course I miss the sex. But overall, I'm pretty content with life as it is. I also know I'm in a unique situation and that some day that situation will change. What happens after my situation changes is a huge unknown. It's weird not having a romantic partner. Yet at the same time, it's liberating to come and go as you please. To dance only to your own tune, and whatever damn tune you feel like dancing to at any given moment.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I will ever really want to try to find love again. Love is so fickle. It's great when it's great (kinda goes without saying, huh?). Yet it's also about as low as you can go when it goes wrong. Twice in my life I've been in that "low as it can go" place. It's not fun and I'm not all together sure I want to put myself in the scenario that could lead to that pain again. I'm not saying if the right person came around I would push them away. I'm also kind of old fashioned and believe love can hit you when you least expect it and only fools turn it away when it comes. Right now I'm just not interested in actively seeking it. I'd rather just find a friend to hang out with and do fun stuff with. No muss, no fuss, no jealousy or expectations. If, and that's a big IF, I ever find a friend that things just seem to click with and that romantic spark reveals itself, I'll handle that if and when it comes. For now I'm content to just keep going along as things are and take life as it comes. I'm only 49. I have 2 children I am very proud of and love very much. If I ever find love again, it'll be strickly for love's sake. I won't allow myself to settle into a relationship because of loneliness and lack of sex. Those are the wrong reasons that can only lead to disappointment IMO.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 62 (view)
 
What Underwear Drives Him Wild
Posted: 9/6/2013 9:02:48 AM
No pictures? I'm disappointed.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Masturbation=cheating
Posted: 9/6/2013 8:56:58 AM
My first wife was like your sister. It didn't end well.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How do you talk to civilians
Posted: 9/5/2013 3:43:59 PM
I was in the Navy 20 years shipmate. Believe me, if you put in 20, you'll be so lost when you get out it isn't even funny. The difference between military and civilian life is so drastic it's very easy to lose your way between the two.

You know how when your superior tells you to do something, you go do it? You know, because if you don't you'll face serious repercussions? Well in the real world, when someone tells you they're going to do something, you better call 5 times a day until they do it. Otherwise it may never get done. Huge culture shock! People aren't held accountable like we're used to. Brace yourself, it's the norm on the outside.

Bill
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
My first cheater and liar
Posted: 9/5/2013 3:33:05 PM
Ah, pretty Georgia girl. Haven't you learned by now, once a cheater, always a cheater? People don't change. And what a loser to cheat on a pretty gal like you. His loss, your gain.

Happy fishing,

Bill
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Nobody ever wants to write back? =(
Posted: 9/5/2013 2:25:35 PM
LOL, now there's an idea!
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is there a condition like Relationship Phobia
Posted: 9/5/2013 1:45:17 PM
Anyone who's had a painful break-up probably goes through this. It's not a disease, it's a growing thing. Some find the right person to help them move beyond it, some never do.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Forum questions.
Posted: 9/5/2013 12:47:47 PM
Thanks for all your responses. Sounds like others have seen the issues, or similar that I was having. I'll try your suggestions. Again, thanks for all the responses.

Bill
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 70 (view)
 
House,Techno and other EDM music.
Posted: 8/24/2013 10:30:37 AM
I'm 49 years old and even I have to admit some of the Electronica music has caught my attention. Not all of it, but some of it is very enjoyable. I think it depends greatly on the artist.

I have to admit I still have a soft spot for real people playing real instruments and real people singing in real voices, you know, hitting the notes with their real voices, not mono-tone corrector software covering their lack of vocal control.

That aside, there are some very musically talented and knowledgeable people out there writing some very entertaining Electronica music. You just have to search around and be open minded to find it.

So far I seem to be enjoying the Dubstep, Trance, Vocal Trance, Chillout-Trance the most. From certain artists anyway. Some of it is very repetitious and lacking in any real emotion, but some is absolutely out of this world awesome!
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Forum questions.
Posted: 8/24/2013 10:21:35 AM
Hello,

I'm just trying to figure out a few things about the forums here.

First off, why is there no way to navigate to the forums from the POF main site? Or if there is, why can't I find it?

Second, is there a daily post limit on the forums? Sometimes I'll type out a post and after submitting, it just isn't there. Is there a reason for this?

Lastly, sometimes while I'm responding to posts on the forums I seem to get automatically logged out and have to log back in and retype my post again. Why does it do this to me?

Thanks for any help in understanding these forums better.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Self Help - Subject Matter: Women
Posted: 8/23/2013 4:55:30 PM
I've done a little studying up on what women want and need. Unfortunately humans are all unique. So where you may learn to understand the differences between what generally drives men and women differently, you'll still never get the details on any one individual without studying THAT individual. And believe me, one night isn't going to tell you enough about a person to understand them.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Did sex the first night ruin a chance for a relationship?
Posted: 8/23/2013 4:51:10 PM
Sounds kind of like he wanted one thing from you, you gave it to him and he's moved on. Some guys are experts at acting like they're really into you. You know, so they can get into you!

Personally, and every man is different I'm sure, but I'd never suggest sex on a first date, no matter how well it seems to be going. That's just not me. First, I want to know I'm not going to catch anything before sex enters the discussion. And I'm a bit old fashioned.

Sex on the first date doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but it's probably not high on the long term success scale.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Virginity to lose it or not?
Posted: 8/22/2013 4:28:26 PM

I got news for you, OP, you're going to wind up paying for it one way or another anyway!


I can't help it, this made me laugh out loud for real.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
A girl clicked yes on meet me and...
Posted: 8/22/2013 4:14:30 PM
Kewl feature, poor execution. Nobody should get a "they want to meet you" message if someone only clicked Maybe. That's where most of the problem is. Well, that and women get more messages than men, LOTs more so they can afford to be pretty selective. Don't freak out, just keep trying. Also, try to not get too emotional about someone you've never met face to face. Save yourself the anxiety.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 9:25:02 AM
Sounds like you two aren't a match at all. He doesn't want any kind of commitment but wants someone to help him pay his bills. You want marriage. The two aren't even remotely the same. Time for you to move on.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
best friends quarrel over POF guy
Posted: 10/22/2012 6:44:55 PM
Do you live in a really small town and there's only one man of appropriate age available? I didn't think so. This girl is no friend of yours.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
trust
Posted: 10/22/2012 6:41:20 PM
A little more information would help, but honestly, only you know if you're ready to meet someone again. Once you've had someone abuse your trust, it's hard to regain. I think the best rule is only trust as far as someone earns it. And that takes time. You say "all" your past relationships seem to end up with you being cheated on. This may or may not be a sign you need to look inside yourself for the answer. Sounds to me like there's only one common denominator. You.

I've been divorced for 7 years. I'm still scared as hell I'll get hurt again. I also know if I don't stick my toe in the water to test the temperature, I won't know if it's too hot or too cold for me. Sometimes you just have to test the waters to find out if you're ready or not.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
When you look at my profile and see.......
Posted: 10/21/2012 4:47:54 PM
You just have to set the options for what comes closest to fitting your situation and then weed out the guys that take it the wrong way. As others have pointed out, you can put things in your profile that might define your situation more clearly.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Question
Posted: 10/21/2012 4:24:52 PM
Sounds like you're looking at a few options.

1) She's legit, and is well off enough, and willing to travel to find out if you're worth having a long distance relationship with.
2) She's a scam artist, and a day or two before she's supposed to come visit, you'll get an email with a really good sob story about how this normally wouldn't be a problem, but this one time she needs you to send her money to come see you.

case #1. What have you got to lose if SHE's coming to see you on her own dime? You like her? Let her come!
case #2. If she asks you to pay for the trip, laugh loud, hang up, and lose her information. Unless of course you are wealthy and willing to risk losing the money. Consider it kind of like a very high risk investment I guess.

Option #3. If YOU are not comfortable with a long distance relationship, just tell her and move on. No harm, no foul.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Woman doesn't like penis's and semen, would you date her?
Posted: 10/21/2012 4:10:09 PM

And if we ever had sex, would I please wear a condom to keep the mess under control.


What? Is she OCD even in bed? Seriously. I wouldn't date such a woman. There's underlying issues if she's repulsed by a penis and semen. What if I didn't like vagina, or vaginal fluid? Would she want anything to do with me? I doubt it. You may think she's a great woman in every other way, but my guess is after a period of time, you'll discover there's a lot more to this than what's on the surface. I give her credit for being honest with you about this issue however. At least she is giving you a chance to run before you get too attached.

The bottom line is, do YOU want to date her after knowing this about her? There's probably plenty of guys out there that this wouldn't be an issue for at all. Are you one of them? That's all that matters.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Anyone else not really clear on what they want?
Posted: 10/21/2012 11:16:02 AM
I'm at a point in my life where I really don't know what I want either. I mean, I know what kind of things I like. I know what I find attractive in a woman. I know from experience the kinds of things I want to keep my eyes open for and stay away from. I know who I am today better than I've ever known in the past. Yet I can't really know what I want until I find it. The key is being willing to be open to what might present itself to you. Once you do that, you have a chance to find what you want.

Sex and dating is a sticky situation (pardon the pun). If you do, you're leaving yourself open to getting hurt. If you don't, you might be denying yourself something that could be very special. I'm of a mind, when it's right, you'll know it. Trying to force the issue, or suppress it intentionally, are both most likely poor strategies.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
too good?
Posted: 10/21/2012 10:32:42 AM
Sounds great! My advice would be to enjoy the ride, and find a happy medium between paranoia and naivety about how you deal with it.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Take a chillpill or valid cause for stress?
Posted: 10/20/2012 10:26:32 AM

It may just be that he's a bit more spontaneous and you may simply like clarity and sticking to a plan, or at least having clear expectations. Simply share this with him. So many problems result from one person never being aware that there was ever a problem.


^^This X1000!

People have different personalities. You need to talk to this fella sooner than later about this. He may be a very spontaneous type personality and not even realize he's switching plans on you and upsetting you. To him it's perfectly normal and just the way he takes life moment by moment, flying by the seat of his pants.

If you're the type that needs careful planning ahead, and consistency to be comfortable. The two of you may not be good for the long term. I think I'm somewhat like you are. I like plans, and changes at the last minute can be a little stressful. I can take it once in a while, but if someone consistently does this to me, then I'd never work between us.

I'm not sure if you can take a chillpill. People who have this type personality are just that way as far as I know. You can't really change who you are. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

Another thing you really should consider. If you've had a long day and really just want to relax for the evening, tell him that. Don't agree to meet him and his buddies at the club if you really don't want to. That's only going to cause resentment in the long run. Just tell him you're not feeling up to the club scene on that particular night, and that you think you're just going to go home and have a glass of wine and watch a movie. Maybe he'll get the point and decide to come be "at home" with you.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dating over 45 - Hope vs Optimism
Posted: 10/19/2012 2:47:12 PM

Example (I am sure there are exceptions but in my area this is the norm)

Men: age 45
dating limits 18-44
regularly dates young women and rarely if ever date their own age or even close to it if they can get by with it.

Women: age 45
dating limits 40-50
Gets hit on by 20 year olds looking for a cougar experience or even worse...60 and up looking to make her his "younger" woman.

This has been my experience on here anyway. Out of the 20 e-mails I get each day, 8-10 are regularly from men over 60 (a few even closer to 70) and 4-6 or from guys under 30.

If men would date in their age range....things would be better for couples all the way around. They make these mistakes in their own lives and women in their age range suffer because they won't make themselves available.


I don't know if that's normal or not either, but so far, I've only been contacted by ladies older than I am, so apparently it does go both ways. I will admit, the 57 year old lady that contacted me today was amazingly fit and attractive. I had to exercise quite a bit of self control to inform her that I am currently getting to know someone from here already. I don't often get contacted by ladies, I think there's some rule against it or something, but I certainly am not interested in "girls" my daughter's age.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
TV watching habits in relationships?
Posted: 10/19/2012 2:28:07 PM
I gotta have a woman that enjoys watching college football on Saturdays in the fall/winter. Especially my Gators! Other than that, I have some shows I DVR and watch in the evenings for a couple hours when I feel like it before going to bed. I'm definitely not one of those people that needs a TV or radio on constantly for the noise factor. Anyone who needs a TV or radio on while they sleep are not good for me! Now constant rhythmic noise like a fan, I can sleep with. But not voices. Uggggg
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Do you have a sex budget?
Posted: 10/19/2012 1:54:43 PM

Condoms aren't just for birthcontrol.


I know, but they're kind of expensive for balloons.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
What does she really want to happen ?
Posted: 10/19/2012 10:45:40 AM
Well, it's already been addressed by others, you have no choice. You HAVE to have a relationship with this woman because of the son you share with her. I think the romantic relationship is probably over, but you're still the child's father and are obligated and entitled to be a part of his life and upbringing. Somehow the two of you need to talk and get over your problems in the past, at least enough to allow this child to have interaction from both it's parents. You don't even have to be friends, but you do have to be adults and parents. Stop with the texting and get together and at the very minimum, agree on how you two are going to take care of your son together from here on out.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Cancer firls throwing mixed signals.
Posted: 10/19/2012 10:31:12 AM
Zodiac signs are for entertainment. However, the fact that the two of you have had sex, but now she doesn't even want a kiss? How long is "it's been a while"? A person doesn't go from sex, to "don't touch me", unless something changed in how they feel about you. Don't be afraid to ask what's going on. The longer you wait to find out, the more it'll hurt when you get the answer you already know is coming.

NC
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
what would you do
Posted: 10/19/2012 10:19:17 AM
Absolutely get the police involved! This guy sounds like he's straight out of a horror movie! Do you have a picture you can give the police? If not, get a discrete outdoor camera and get one. This guy needs to be institutionalized!
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Lack of sexual knowledge
Posted: 10/19/2012 9:21:51 AM
OP,

People have been hitting on some very valid points here, some not very nicely, but overall some good advice. First and foremost, you need to identify where the problem truly lies. Is the problem really in your lack of sexual experience, or is your problem deeper than that? Only you can answer that, and it might take some professional help from a therapist to figure out. If your problem is only fear of rejection because of your own inexperience, then I think in truth, you are WAY over reacting. Relax and let things happen naturally. Look, none of us were experienced our first time. And not very experienced our second time. And still not very experienced our third time. And guess what? Our fourth time we still weren't experts. It takes time with someone we care about, and much trial and error to find out what pleases each other. You simply can't keep avoiding a relationship because of fear of inexperience. Otherwise you'll NEVER get the experience to develop a healthy sexual relationship with that person you care about.

Experience with one person, is practically worthless with another person. Each person has a different personality and different dreams and fantasies. Sure, you can get book smart on the mechanics of where and what, but no book is going to teach you what your very unique partner likes or doesn't like.

If you can't allow sex to happen naturally with someone you are attracted to because of your fears, you should get some professional help to come to terms with what's really holding you back. Experience with sex isn't really about how many times. It's way more about being open and honest, and willing to go through the trials and errors with someone you care about.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Do you have a sex budget?
Posted: 10/19/2012 8:44:54 AM
I don't have a set budget nope. If or When I find a lady that things click with in a sexual manner, birth control will not be an issue since I've been snipped. I suppose if I've spent so much money on sex aids in a given month I'm afraid I'll have difficulty paying my bills, then it might be time to consider reusing old toys until the next payday. LOL
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Celibate since April, 1992
Posted: 10/17/2012 1:08:11 PM
Sounds as though all you are doing is missing out on life to me.Like I said,it's not black or white.I didn't say you should have had sex with the 'numerous" men who like to hit it and quit it! I don't do that either!But I would die without every ahving sex again as I will NEVER get married again.What happens if you dont' either? Do you die celibate in the name of Jesus?


I too am a Christian, but I've also come to a realization. Society today isn't the same as it was when the Bible was written. I believe God understands this and knows some of the old laws are no longer practical for today. I have not had sex in over 7 years (with anyone other than myself), but it isn't for religious reasons. It's simply because I haven't found anyone I wanted to be in a relationship with. I'm not fancy on casual one night stand sex. Too many STDs that can kill you these days, and condoms aren't 100% safe. So I want to make sure I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone first. And I want to make sure neither of us is going to be giving the other anything they aren't expecting. I don't really want to get married again, but I don't worry about sex outside of marriage, because I also feel the fact that I've been married, and divorced, pretty much blows the whole no sex outside of marriage thing completely out of the water. If God doesn't acknowledge my first divorce, then no matter what, if I have sex it's adultery in his eyes, right? I also know if I misinterpret the Bible, and commit a sin I will be forgiven because I'm only human, and Christ promised to intercede on my part once I accepted him as my savior.

Maybe I'll never have sex again. I'm fat now, and not as pretty as I was when I was younger. I understand that and I can live with it if that's how it plays out. I'm not going to deny myself the pleasures of a healthy sexual relationship with someone I come to care for, if the situation arises though.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What should I do?
Posted: 10/17/2012 11:47:04 AM
Still being on POF is hardly a big deal. Does he read or post on the forums? Honestly, that's what I'm doing 95% of the time I'm logged into POF. I have a friend I met here. We've gone out a couple of times, but I have no idea where it's going to go, so for the time being I'm not looking for anyone else. Should she freak out because I'm on POF daily reading and posting on the forums? I'll say this, if she does, she isn't someone that would work out for me in the long run.

Now, the smoking, and drug dealing, yeah...those are valid reasons to call it off if they're deal breakers for you. Great kids or not, you have to look out for your own safety and happiness first.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why do people hate their exes?
Posted: 10/17/2012 11:17:48 AM
I don't hate either one of my ex's. I do however hate and resent some of their actions. It's not the same thing at all. I don't think I could ever actually hate anybody.

You have to realize, just because someone doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore, it doesn't necessarily mean they hate you. I'd be more willing to think they probably just can't handle the memories that being around you, or in communication with you, would constantly remind them of. Some, but few, long term relationships end without sad memories attached.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to be patient and choose
Posted: 10/17/2012 10:57:00 AM
OP, you need very thick skin in this environment.


I think your profile is working against you... You might like to get a profile review (in the appropriate forum)
It comes off as having a falseness about it, and I am not sure if I agree with your description of 'average'.


^^She was being nice (VERY NICE). Average body style isn't even close. You are borderline BBW, and that's being nice. Many men would put you right into the BBW category, but I'm a little more lenient because I like women to have a bit of a figure. You want honesty? It goes both ways.


you always make the choices. You are talking about settling. Never settle nothing good is going to come of it. It's really that simple. This whole mess is ridiculously messy. Find a guy you really feel you want to be with and if he doesn't come along don't bother you will be better off without the one you settle for and he will be better off without you.


^^This is a pretty good point. Go for what you want, don't assume anything. You're striving for YOUR happiness here, no one else's.


OP, I'm going against the grain here, but I'm telling you, the men on these sites do not like women to message them. Out of your league or not.


^^I don't know if this is the norm or not, but personally I wouldn't be put off by a lady contacting me first. Can't imagine why it would bother any man. Hell, I'd be flattered. I never get contacted first. LOL

Just like the ladies, men have a choice to respond or not, or how to respond if we decide we want to. Some will, some won't, some will be nice, some will be jerks. Online dating sites aren't for the fragile.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 120 (view)
 
If a person initiates contact with you on POF, do you expect for them to have read your profile?
Posted: 10/17/2012 10:13:59 AM

If a person initiates contact with you on POF, do you expect for them to have read your profile?


I do, and would, but it's pretty much a moot point with me. LOL
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Adventures in bed: A man's view
Posted: 10/17/2012 9:35:38 AM

Posted By: abelian

As far as communication goes, women are the worst about it.


I don't buy this. Men can be just as bad about communication as women. It isn't gender specific.

I agree with some of your points, but I also think you need to understand many people, men and women both, can get to the point you're looking for if given the chance. They may not be there right now because of how they were brought up, or if in a previous relationship they were held back by their partner. Open communication and willingness to express thoughts and ideas that sound exciting and worthwhile to explore together, can open someone up to become more like what you're looking for. So don't discount the potential communication can have for your relationship. I hate, and reject the adage "You can't teach an old dog a new trick". This old dog is nowhere near finished learning!
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Euthanasia
Posted: 10/16/2012 4:04:06 PM
I'm terribly sorry for what you're going through OP. I somewhat understand because my Father went through the same thing. Prostate cancer, COPD, and his final month was spent in Hospice. He had it in his will that he didn't want to be put on life support so there was nothing to do but watch him wither away into a coma and then within a few days pass from this earth. I was very fortunate to be able to come home and spend time by his bedside and see him off. Boy do I still miss him terribly! It's been 8 years.
 
Show ALL Forums