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 Author Thread: Use it or lose it
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 354 (view)
 
Use it or lose it
Posted: 8/16/2017 3:05:24 PM
As an RN I see all of these so called 'active' smokers. In beds or dead. Someone over 50 and still smokes is a ticking big 'C' bomb. Dead in two months from lung cancer or in two minutes from some cardiac ailment...those are the lucky ones. Unlucky...that 'cough' and two to three years of agonizing Emphysema. Pulmonary deaths are the worse to witness. The reflex panic increases as they basically drown in fluids.

There's a black humor to older smokers seeking a 'long term relationship'.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
hope he can lick the stamp
Posted: 8/14/2017 5:12:58 PM
The chance of me taking the initial physical advance in a relationship is zero. I'd have no interest in such a man. I wouldnt be on a second date with him he wasnt kissable. I know if I want to eventually kiss a man within 5 minutes of meeting. I'm not going to let him kiss me that soon but he should be a bit gaga over me. We can tell when we have you hooked. Men are easy to read when one on one. No matter how hard he tries not to, he will look at my mouth and boobs. He cant 'not look' anymore than a doggy can't look at a doggy treat. There s no bigger turn on when, after dating and becoming intimate that a man tells a woman that he wanted her the moment they met. We want to be desired.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 183 (view)
 
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/14/2017 4:49:04 PM
My father was a marine in the Pacific and then a deputy for a couple of decades and eventually county sheriff. He would was scared a lot of times but had to fortitude to ofercome this up and get the job done. We all have anxiety but I expect a man to do his fretting on his own and then present a confidence. I know that many nights my father dreaded it when the phone rang in the middle of the night but he got his act together, made sure his uniform was sharp and went out to face whatever challenge there was.

Sure we understand that it isnt easy for a man to approach us. However, what else isnt easy in life? Its how a man acts in a stressful situation or crisis that is his true test. When the tire goes flat and he's late, does he get angry or does he keep things in perspective, stays calm and just changes the tire?
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
3 dates and.. nothing? is this slow or disinterest?
Posted: 8/13/2017 5:58:17 PM
I'm a physical romantic person and want this attention from a man. On the second date...holding hands and a few light kisses. Definitely a decent kiss and long, long hug when we part. A man will find me irresistible. By the third date he is definitely trying to put his hands in places that I will mildy resist in a teasing way. I expect a healthy well adjusted male to want to ravage me. This doesnt mean he cant be polite, chivalrous and respectful.

Anways, if there was no chemistry and animal attraction, then I have no interest.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Being Blown Off . . .
Posted: 8/4/2017 4:45:24 PM
If a male is interested in you, you are his top priority in the universe. I knew this back in Middle School. After he is bandaged up from being hit by a truck his fist though will be YOU.

A man doesnt text you later or call the next day? Warning sign. Almost worse if he calls you 3 days later and you are happy to get the call. You are not his dream princess and a pattern will develop of you waiting for him to give you emotional crumbs.

I expected my guy to go home after our first date and 'me' be the last thing he thinks about before falling asleep and 'me' being the first thing he thinks about when waking up. It's called falling in love and absolutely normal emotional behavior.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Date walked out
Posted: 8/4/2017 4:23:03 PM
Its hard to judge this particular incident.

Firstly, as a woman my attenae were on high alert with a strange man. 'Safety...safety..'. This trumps any type of civil behavior, tolerance, manners, etc. The OP n another thread talks about steering a conversation towards some sexual topic and trying to regain the attention of a girl. I'd end it. Likely walking over to a male working there and asking him to escort me to my car.

More common situation. I'm just not attracted to him or he has some quirk, etc. Then, of course I should act civil and am happy to have an hour conversation, etc. It's the decent thing to do and, just about everybody is interesting in their own way. I just wouldnt lead him on butI also wouldn't outright reject him as it might act like a switch and flip his behaviour.

We're adults. A well adjusted male knows not to not make a woman uncomfortable...and a well adjusted female knows how to act civil.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 291 (view)
 
Storytime
Posted: 7/30/2017 6:58:27 AM
We were out dancing Friday evening. 2 hours non stop except a break to go to the bathroom...it was rock music and we mostly swing dance. Yesterday after my shift we went to the local park and there was a Hispanic band and we Salsa danced for 20 minutes or so. This evening a baby boomers Meet Up event we're attending is Funk/Motown. I was never a fan of the music but like dance to it. I can't not dancr if Funk is being played.

My mother and her boyfriend (WW2 vet) dance 5 days a week. Mostly Foxtrot but mom can still do the Twist to fast music. We used to all Twist around the kitchen when the Beatles were the rage. I never do anything like treadmill or aerobics in the house. I just put on music and do some crazy dancing. All of this reminds me that I have to recharge my Iphone 'cause I'm about to go out for a 20 minute jog and like to blast the music...sure better hsn when I would use a AM transistor radio and have to listen to commercials between songs..
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 231 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 7/27/2017 5:53:09 PM
Meh...I rarely listen to ideologues or fanatic religious folks. None of the guys I've been involved with were either. It's not so much the ideas that would turn me off as much as that 'strong' black and white beliefs in any area say more about a man's personality and his inability to understand that the world is not simplistic. . I voted for Trump but acknowledge he's a narcissistic a-hole. I also acknowledge that many intelligent people voted for Clinton.

Anyways, I dont hide anything. Its just not a subject of conversation.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
relationship ~ may not be in the cards
Posted: 7/26/2017 1:30:03 PM
I'm the reverse to many. My identity is definitely 'as a couple'. I could be ok on my own but never truly content.

I have a career, financial security, 2 grandkids...a cat. However, I am only complete When I have 'my guy'.

All of the 'modern' advice, writings, etc. about being your own person, finding happiness within, etc. are a pile of croc. Millions of years of evolution have males and females pair off and its endemic in our very essence. You are happy when alone? I'm not. When not in a couple, finding a partner dominates my thinking.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 247 (view)
 
Our aging bodies
Posted: 7/24/2017 4:02:19 PM
My partner and I do some type physical activity everyday. Yesterday it was 2 hours of dancing...the day before a wonderful 9 mile hike. It's one of the things that initially attracted us to each other. We both led a healthy lifestyle and embrace it rather than it being a chore. Tonight we are playing slowpitch with a Meet Up group. Afterwards we all go for pizza but, I'll pass on that and have a sandwich when I get home.

I dont feel any different than I did at 25. I certainly look older but I dont feel older. My guy still plays soccer with guys 20 years his junior.

An absolute dealbreaker for me was that a man had to be active and fit. Also, it was great that my guy was looking for the same. Being a nurse, I see so many patients that are suffering because of bad lifestyle. They dont realize that even 10 extra pounds is putting stress on their joints or that certain diets are hard on the arteries or he kidneys. There is a world of difference between the 60 year old who has taken care of themselves and the one who has let things slide.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 4:56:04 PM
I was on for a couple weeks and met with three nice gentlemen. They wanted to see me again but I wasnt romantically attracted to the first two. I've never been one to go out to see what 'might develop'. With the third man, my current partner, there was instant chemistry and I couldnt wait to see him again.

In the world outside of on line dating I might go on a date to go dancing, on a hike, etc. However, my purpose on OLD was to meet a life partner...not date. Also, as a female I have never had a desire to be intimate with a man who was not my explicit partner. Men have a natural tendency to want to be physical and i didnt want to have to strategically ward off advances. I want to hold hands and kiss lightly a bit on a second date and cant do that unless there is an attraction.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why did being the nice guy become a bad thing?
Posted: 7/17/2017 10:37:44 PM
Being 'nice' is something that others can call a man. However, a man shouldn't think of himself in those terms.

'John is a nice guy'...a woman or friends saying it is a compliment.


Jco above says it best. Self description of being 'nice' can be passive aggressive. Its expecting some reward for what is not always healthy social behavior. A man should have boundaries....integrity. Confidence to do the right thing.. I also like another comment about 'kindness'. Kindness equates more with intention. Kindness isn't always letting the kids eat what they want or allowing others to go through the door first. It can be setting an example for the other person's benefit.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 290 (view)
 
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/14/2017 10:02:46 AM
I dont equate being financially responsible with being 'cheap'. Being financially responsible in a man is a must for me.

My guy and I use a thermos for coffee and make a lunch. We are both professionals and well off. The first time we went to a movie I brought in a few healthy snacks and he smuggled in two of those small 8 oz wine bottles.

He would buy me anything I ask for but my favorite shopping is still going through the clothes racks at Goodwill. When we met, we both drove Toyota Corollas...he's asked me if I want a new cross over SUV but my Corolla will do fine for another decade. At my request donates substantial funds to the local animal shelter and that's way more precious to me
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Have viewed one-million dating profiles, only found two I've been interested in
Posted: 7/11/2017 12:00:37 PM
Just my bad luck...I happened to be one of the two.

Nope. Didn't return a message. I wonder if the other one did. After all, how could she resist his creative first contact.

'Hi, how are you. I like your profile. We have a lot in common. Please read mine and see if you'd like to get together. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.'
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Do you ever get too 'old' for the forums?
Posted: 7/9/2017 9:14:41 PM
My mother is 88, her boyfriend is 92. She says he's quite dashing in his Veterans uniform

She met him at a dance when she was quite young...79. They moved in together a few months later.

They still go dancing two or three times a week... that is, when they arent in Las Vegas or on one of their walking tours in The UK.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Gangrene with envy
Posted: 7/8/2017 11:43:55 AM
'actually it should be down with the lid closed as well, bio hazard germ factory :)
Like pppl who leave their toothbrush on the bathroom counter in a glass. Shudder'

As the senior nurse on our unit I'm a stickler about hygiene. A tyrant!

We do surface swabs on a regular basis testing for a range of gucky things. On a scale of 1 to 10 a toothbrush rates a measly 2 or so...gross as it sounds, you could use a stranger's toothbrush without a lot of worry. In contrast the sink tap is about a 4....touching hands a solid 7. When I greet family members, etc. I always hold items in my hands so not to have to shake a well meaning offered hand.

Number one rule...dont touch your nose or eyes with your hands.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 174 (view)
 
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/6/2017 9:14:50 PM
Not sure why the obsession with ratios. I could view 100 profiles and not be attracted to a male. Actually I was attracted to only a half dozen of the several hundred males in my city on OLD.

The guys here would do better if they studied what successful people do rather than get into a group hug with whiners. There's something self fulfilling about identifying with the hundreds that are 'leftover' rather than the thousands that have moved on.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 165 (view)
 
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/6/2017 9:18:44 AM
True. Whiney and 'woe is me' victims. Blech!

'Here's why I can't succeed...100 reasons...'

Its amazing how millions of guys have found a partner on OLD when its so 'impossible'. Took my guy 3 weeks. Then again, he's more of a get job done kind of male. The type my father used to say you wanted beside you when he was in the marines in The Pacific in WW2.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
anything more than chemistry?
Posted: 7/3/2017 5:56:40 PM
I can't imagine dating a man who wrote that opening post.

You met on pof and she is on this site? You have this little respect for women and have no decency?

I hope that isnt your real profile as any woman would be creeped out by a man who talks about 'going all the way' on a public forum. You arent exactly a catch. Actually, you are pathetic. For your sake I hope you are actually a teenage boy whio is lying but still has the chance to mature into a healthy male.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Sleeping habits/needs
Posted: 7/3/2017 5:39:50 PM
As a nurse my first reaction is...You are on a prescription so you see your own doctor or at least visit a clinic.

My only input is not comforting...should you be worried about his health?...absolutely. Talk to your doctor. He will say what I am saying...'yes, you should be worried'...and that he should get an EXTENSIVE evaluation TODAY.

Everything else is empty speculation.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 150 (view)
 
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/3/2017 5:14:59 PM
Some guys are mind bogglingly out of touch.

Talking to 10 guys? Not me or any of my friends who tried OLD. We discuss these things.

I had communication with a total of 4 and only 2 of them at the same time. I may have rec'd a maximum of 10 'literate' messages....I answered 4.

I checked the demographics in my age group in my city. 689 women. 743 males.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 95 (view)
 
One-Liner Messages
Posted: 7/1/2017 1:25:39 PM
mssdle..

So true. This is the over 45 forum. One hopes that a male has learned to be articulate, confident, etc. and isnt expecting a woman to be his 'teacher'.

Some guys here, however, are still akin to the annoying guy in school who was more of a pathetic class clown. Not sure what it is...a need of attention to make up for confidence or lack of self worth? Losers in the world who will just never 'get it'.

Some males succeed. Some don't. I suppose its been like this in every human society since cave man days.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Ladies - is it good for a man to be considered adorable?
Posted: 7/1/2017 11:02:30 AM
Its ok to be adorable but it's not sufficient. Hamsters can be adorable.

If I could give one piece of advice to males 18 to 25, it would be that girls over 16 are attracted to 'men' and not 'boys'. The greatest aphrodisiac is maturity. This is the guy who is confident and acts accordingly...wears a shirt when his friends are in a t-shirt, etc. He doesnt boast how he passed out after drinking. He applies himself to studies or his career. Gaming is fine but he suggests an adult activity like attending a play. It's ok to be a 'boy' at 90 but its a choice and you can be a 'man' when the moment expects it.

Why do girls like the guy in uniform? Its because he's made that transition to manhood. I recall being in high school and the graduating 'boys' going off to military training. A motley bunch. They'd come home on leave and 'wow'. Some friend's big brother I never noticed before is suddenly dreamy..
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 91 (view)
 
One-Liner Messages
Posted: 7/1/2017 10:36:37 AM
This isn't class....its life. Its not about about fairness or 'give me a chance'. Why write a message? Does it obtain your objective?

What's baffling to me is how simple it should be to write a well thought out first message. What is the issue...Lack of literacy? Inadequate communication skills? I assume most of us learned to write a coherent paragraph by the age of 12.

I mentioned I liked cycling and had a photo of me on my bike.

'Hi, I would like to meet you as we have lots in common, please look at my profile and let me know. Thanks'... me...nope..delete. I couldnt care about his profile. He made almost no effort. I'm not special but just the next woman in line. I doubt if many of them would have responded to his 20 seconds of effort.

'Hi. I wonder if we have passed each other cycling on the bike trail. Are you familiar with the little ice cream stand at...(and a few more lines) . This message had me totally intrigued and I messaged my guy back after looking at his profile.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Black girls dating white guys. How common is this?
Posted: 6/29/2017 5:47:30 PM
I live in a somewhat liberal city but the races rarely mix when it comes to Blacks dating. Asians date white males.. Hispanics date White males. Asians rarely date Hispanics and almost never date Blacks. White guys rarely date Black 'girls' and rarely ( if ever?) date Black women (over 40). My women friends dont date outside of their own race but white men friends would.

So, its definitely not 'common' here. That s an observation of reality and not what one might 'want' to be reality.

I'd guess the hardest group in my city to find a suitable partner would be Black women over 40 but Black women themselves would know better than me.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 79 (view)
 
One-Liner Messages
Posted: 6/29/2017 5:16:59 PM
Of course we are going to look at the photos, age, etc. This just opens the door to read the profile.

As a woman, I read every word of the profile and every word of a message. ...over and over before I agreed to meet with a man. I'm all of 112 lbs and am not going to meet any stranger unless I'm completely at ease with every word he has written and at ease with the location. I certainly was not meeting a man who has poor communication skills and was not aware that a woman naturally feels cautious.

My guy added a line about getting together for a coffee or glass of wine at a place that is convenient and comfortable for me. I found this very thoughtful.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 1265 (view)
 
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 8:36:49 AM
There are thousands of males and females that fit every description. We can tick off all the necessary boxes on what we expect in a Partner. Tens of millions of singles find each other and form a couple.

If I couldnt find a suitable partner, I'd be looking in the mirror. There's about 135 thousand single adult males in my city. . There is now one less because I found my guy. There are thousands of females that will split a dinner bill, ride on the back of a motorcycle, etc. It's not me or thousands of others...but this still leaves thousands who will.

So...why arent the whiners dating these women? Why cant they get a second date when they do get a first? All of these thousands of women have some negative trait, attitude, etc? I found my guy after a few other meets...the other men were nice and will make good partners. My guy found me after a couple of other meets. We are the most special people in the world to each other, however others might not see us as being so special.

So... cant get a date or second date? It has ZERO to do with who pays for dinner. Zero. It's all to do with 'you' . However, most already know that his but need to mask the failure and insecuity by projecting the fault elsewhere. As the message above points out...victimhood..
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Would you date a felon or someone on probation?
Posted: 6/28/2017 7:20:11 AM
True. My cousin has an artificial eye lost as a boy.. He is an electrician and has driven for almost 50 years. He's like s big brother to me and would drives our families if we went anywhere. I dont blame him as he's a better driver than his sister or me. The only thing he has trouble with is catching a Frisbee...he's ok with a baseball or football.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 133 (view)
 
11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/27/2017 11:29:34 AM
The 'tactics' are right out of an Archie Comic plot. Archie advising Jughead how to get a date for the
Prom.


I don't know of these swarms of males around some female and some elusive guy walking in and ignoring her. Is that a high school cafeteria?

In the real world I've had a male come up and talk to me. Is this such a mystery? This is how I net my partners except for OLD. Then with OLD it was straight forward to meet after two messages.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 144 (view)
 
Would you date a felon or someone on probation?
Posted: 6/27/2017 10:59:56 AM
'Felony conviction for assault in a bar defending brother?

Ya sure. Ha! Ha!

Yup, that's why the judge sent him to prison. His shortened version of the story is like saying Hitler wasn't so bad but only skipped out on paying his gas bill due to unforeseen issues.

What most people dont understand is that it is not easy to be sent to prison. Many of us with no priors could rob a bank and not be sent to prison if we acted contrite and agreed to some lesser offense due to decreased judgement at the time because of life circumstance.

 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 139 (view)
 
Would you date a felon or someone on probation?
Posted: 6/25/2017 4:37:17 PM
My brother used to say that 95% of the people they arrested were just 'stupid'...as in low IQ, mental issues, fried brains from drugs, etc. The other 5% were master manipulators. Among those manipulator is where the evil if found. They can charm anyone and can never ever be trusted. 'But he seems like such a nice guy. ...He was going through some hard times....it was 15 years ago...he was a victim of abuse...he didnt mean to do wht he did..'

We all root for the con to reform but it is rarely thecase and those of us who are outside of thesystem are not capable of seeing the evil in the person that is smiling across the table from us. Lonely, desperate women are easy marks because they 'want to believe' he has turned his life around.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 6/24/2017 4:53:51 PM
You have had this conversation twice with men who are not your partner?

If I had a man talk like this to me, I would have thanked him for the ice cream. Said 'bye'. And NEVER had have contact with him again.

No man is going to comment on my body who is not my partner...beyond a generic compliment such as 'it's a plus that you keep yourself in shape' and even a comment like that would be in some context such as us both enjoying hiking or dancing.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 43 (view)
 
One-Liner Messages
Posted: 6/24/2017 4:43:44 PM
What is the purpose of a message?. To get a response.

I responded to four messages and went on three meets. All nice guys and met my partner.

Its surprising that some guys have such a pool of women that interest them that they have more than a a dozen who create the 'wow' feel. If a man spent 30 minutes on 12 messages, that's six hours. It doesn't seem that much effort 'if' finding the right woman is a priority in his life. Is writing a few well thought out lines a 'chore'? My guy said he actually enjoyed the process...got inspiration looking at my photos and fantasizing like we all do. He wanted to come across as special so made the eftort to be special...witty and charming
.
Fill in the blanks is fine if that is the depth of ones communication skills. I suppose it lets someone tick off a box against another profile if no woman is of particular interest and the barrel is never empty. In contrast, I live in a large city but even here the numbers are limited. I'd have thought an intelligent male would make a serious effort when writing to a woman he is attracted to. Glad my guy did.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 129 (view)
 
11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:59:43 AM
Its funny when you go on Youtube and listen to he self appointed dating gurus.

They are usually in their 20's but have some vast experience in life.

People lap up 'the evidence' like they lap up miracle diets. 'Here's how you know she is in to you...she plays with her hair and...'. I can picture all the guys sitting in their mom's basement furiously jotting down notes.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 37 (view)
 
One-Liner Messages
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:51:14 AM
I didnt get any rude nessages from men I didnt respond to.

I assume' South city' must be gay. Perhaps this is your experience with gay men. Otherwise, how would you know if men who dont get a return message, then supposedly follow up with a rude message? Did you do this also? Or, If you did not respond then you definitely made the right decision..any rude message reveals their true character.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Who else doesn't have or want a tv and how does that seem to impact on your outward perception?
Posted: 6/24/2017 8:00:20 AM
I will now go days without turning on the TV. ...then watch a few things on Netflix.

There are whole TV series and dozens of movies that everyone knows but I'm clueless about. No idea about the Zombies and Thrones and such things. My boyfriend will watch a movie with me but other than that, the last thing was the Presidential election results. We are more in tune with our iPads....we have about ten of them scattered about the house.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 130 (view)
 
Would you date a felon or someone on probation?
Posted: 6/23/2017 2:01:26 PM
'I have noticed there are a lot of men on this site who are felons or have multiple DUI/OWI on their record. Personally, I think it's a bad idea, but I would like to hear your thoughts and opinions. Thanks.'

Curious. How did you notice all of these guys? Ten of them? Three dozen?

Are they using their mug shot and you find these going through public records? My brother is a retired police officer and in the past he offered to check out on a few guys for me if I wanted...but he has connections. I'm not sure how you scroll through profiles and find the box checked... 'Do you have any prior felons?'.


Anyways. Answer...absolutely no. Never. For someone to be a convicted felon it is not likely the only offense they committed (caught for). And... many first time charges are pleaded down or dismissed. To have an actual felon on a criminal record is not usually an 'oops' moment. In my state about 5% have a felony conviction...so don't buy the argument that 'it can happen to anyone'. Most males never get more than a speeding ticket.

One may give a bit of wiggle room to a person you have known in life...hire him to fix the roof. But I'm sure not going to give an inch to a complete stranger with a criminal record and 'meet him' for even a two minute date in public.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 126 (view)
 
11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/23/2017 8:42:42 AM
I live in a different Universe. I like it when man is polite, confident and we have an interesting conversation. So simple.

No deep theory, no books on dating secrets to read, no magical insights.

Its amazing how 95% of adults manage to find a few partners in life without all the hocus pocus and analysis. Its even more puzzling how the other 5% will never learn that finding a partner isnt about games, hidden psychology, etc.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 251 (view)
 
How did women pay for flights to D.C.?
Posted: 6/22/2017 2:32:22 PM
I'm not attracted to idealogues. Folks with blinkers on. Neither is my man.

There's a subset of the population that spends its time divided into two camps trying to gain points on each other. The irony is that fail to see how much they are actually alike in intolerance and closed mindedness. 'I'm right and you're stupid'.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Workaholics
Posted: 6/22/2017 9:40:07 AM
If a man wants to see me...he will see me.

If he wants to make me his priority in life , then he will.

Any guy who is always busy, is not for me. I expect us to be the center of each other's universe. This is not what other's may want in life, but it's what I want.

Work 70 hours a week? Again, not for me. I work 40 and do fine. I'd prefer a man with balance in his life and is financially responsible.

I like to walk or work out with my guy in the evenings. We go to dance lessons once or twice. He might do a few othr things but is there for me the next evening and on the weekends. He does some extreme hiking with his group on some Saturdays, and that's fine. On the Sunday, we'll walk in the park and get an ice cream.

I find 'busy' an odd concept in our society. Most people who claim to always be busy are somewhat boring or not all together. In contrast, I have lots of down time to read, walk or navel gaze. Time to make him a nice meal and his favourite pie.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Are women more attractive to men that are taken
Posted: 6/22/2017 9:24:07 AM
Not me.

I am attracted to a certain type of male whether he be single or married.

This isnt to be confused with wanting him in any way. In fact, if a taken man responded in an inappropriate way towards me, that would make him instantly unattractive. I like a man with strong moral character.

Perhaps a lot of this has to do with one's social experience and culture. My family and friends are likely to be the last people on Earth to be 'swingers'. Unlike some here, I've never had friends who had affairs or, if they did, would ever confide about it. Its just not acceptable. One has a partner...he's the center of my Universe. If I wasn't happy then time to move on before thinking of another male. In fact, I have zero sexual attraction to a man before we become emotionally attached. It goes from 0 to 100 for me.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Wondering Why People box themselves in with Specifics
Posted: 6/21/2017 2:12:18 PM
Turnoffs for me in a profile

Dead fish
Hunting
Truck
Sports Car
Motorcycle
Drinking

Positives
Riding a bicycle
Hiking a trail
Photo laughing or big smile doing some activity

I never boxed my self in. There were athletic outdoorsy males who contacted me ( like my boyfriend). In general I find these males more educated and interesting. There is nothing wrong with a truck or sports car but I'm not interested in a male who sees it as his identity.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
One-Liner Messages
Posted: 6/21/2017 1:31:29 PM
I found my great guy.

However, when dating I never responded to any message that wasn't at least 3 or 4 sentences. I also never responded to any message that didnt mention something specific in my profile. When I did respond, it was with a well thought out answer that took more than 10 minutes. This was my potential future mate and I wanted to write a half dozen sentences that he would look back on fondly one day....I'd thank him, say something nice about his profile, some little thing more about myself, answer any question, and have some type of eagerness that he writes back that inluded a question. Always ask a question! Th bottom line...I make a guy feel special and I want to be made special.

If I had no interest, I didnt respond at all.

Unlike other women, I never received any sexually explicit messages or anything outlandish. I must say , however, that many males have poor communication skills...really poor. This forum has literate males expressing opinions....use these writing skills to your advantage..
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 113 (view)
 
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 9:53:01 AM
Actually, I do stay within limits. I have never dated anyone who smokes, does drugs, has a drinking problem. Life is much more exciting and fulfilling with a man who shares my healtthy lifestyle.

At 18 one might be staying in the backyard and not experiencing life. Yes, good to get out. However, After a few more decades of experience I don't need 'to experiment' to find the type of partner that fits my expectations. I would assume that a well adjusted male also knows what criteria he values in a woman...he has been through some ups and downs and knows himself.

'Comfort zone' is not a negative. It isn't some stifling restriction. It's recognizing that at my age I'm happier taking Salsa lessons rather than skateboard lessons. The latter is probably more fun for a 20 year old.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Girl flaked me twice. Should I try one more time?
Posted: 2/7/2015 10:19:15 PM
Firstly, congrats on keeping civil in all this. This shows good character...maturity.

Bottom line...you can't read her mind. You did your best. Gave her options, etc.

Just a note...some people might flake but it doesn't mean they are inconsiderate...they are 'flaky'. Disorganized, unstable, immature or whatever. They never seem to have their act together. Unfortunately, even if you ended up dating, this wouldn't go away and six months from now you'd be getting frustrated with her.

I don't recommend pursuing her any further. Be friendly towards her like anyone else.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 10:06:36 PM
So many of these issues are about options.

In the Seattle area there were a few hundred men on Match who fit the criteria of my 'comfort Zone'. Athletic build, non smoker, college educated and a few other variables. I met 3 of them...then my boyfriend. No reason to search out of my comfort zone.

I suppose anyone can date anyone if that If they have their no criteria for picking a partner. Just as an employer could hire the person whose resume is the first in the mail...and not consider the next 25 applicants....so what if 10 are more qualified?

We all have a comfort zone...even those who claim otherwise. Do they date grossly obese women? Drug addicts? Women more than a few hundred miles away? Women 30 years older? Our life experience puts variables on who we consider dating...it is called wisdom. Our comfort zone is shaped by our life experience.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
First meeting experience.
Posted: 2/7/2015 9:44:53 PM
Those are typical first meets for you? You need to hone your man picker.

I only had 4 first meets (including my my boyfriend). Zero of them resembled your experience. All the guys were quite respectful and none of them talked about troubles. None made any reference to sex. If I hadn't met my boyfriend, I would have met two of them again.

Whenever There is a pattern of bad dates, abuse, dysfunctional relationships, etc., the issue is less with the 'other' person than with the person who repeats the pattern.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 1:59:49 PM
^^^^danimal

Three sentences in a profile says a lot to me...just like 3 sentences in a message to me. It meant 'this is not an articulate person with a lot of initiative or creativity...somewhat 'blah'. The male or female who puts such little effort towards finding a partner is not relationship material to me.

Bottom line...a poorly thought out profile or 'hi, we have a lot in common' type of message and not expressing what it is ...is a blessing. Delete.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 9:39:41 AM
All stats aside...I've dated guys my height. My brother' is about 5'7 and his wife at least 5'9.

Height or good looks has never been an issue for my sisters and I.

My sisters are both gorgeous and the 'tall and handsome' wore off by the end of high school. To put it bluntly, we could snap our fingers and guys were lined up at the door. Today when we three sisters are together with our partners, my dad calls it 'Beauty and the Beasts'.

Women like a fit, respectful, confident man...even more so as we gain experience in life.
 Activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Funniest reason you ever had to cancel or postpone a date.
Posted: 2/5/2015 9:28:50 AM
^^^^^sciencetreker

I almost peed myself reading your story. Talking about bike chains. Does anyone remember the bell bottoms/ elephant pants from the late 60's? Yup, my pant leg twisted up in the chain. Some guy tried to help me by taking out a link but that only made me walk dragging the chain.I could have attached it to a steel ball and pretended I was an escaped prisoner. Now that I remember, we also used to ride in our mini skirts. We must have drove the boys a bit nuts.
 
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