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 Author Thread: sex drive in women over 40
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 145 (view)
 
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:50:38 PM

Have you done any experimentation of your own to see if this research is indeed correct, or are you missing out on a whole lotta fun?


Yes, I do know some 50+ year old women, and I know LOTS of women in their 20s through 40s. But, anecdotes are usually not very scientific...mine, nor anyone else's. Biochemical research yields the most useful data.

No one is slighting or disrespecting older women here. It's already been stated that many of them have strong sex drives. No one disputed that.......

.....but the fact is that a typical 36-year-old woman's sex-drive, interest, and intensity outdoes a typical 56-year-old woman's drive any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Exceptions have already been noted, so don't keep harping on the exceptions. If you're in the 50s, you're likely just about done----it's time for Bingo and knitting. Don't be offended by that, and if you're an exception to that, it is duly noted. But, it's ridiculous for anyone to think that a woman's sex-drive generally strengthens or improves between the 36-to-46 range (which are mostly still childbearing years) and 56 (which is far past menopause for most women).

There is no serious debate on this issue.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 140 (view)
 
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:39:33 AM
The most current research suggests that the mind = the physical brain. Nothing more, nothing less. So, the hormone and neurotransmitter activity in the brain is what dictates sexual interest and response. Certainly, conditioning and personal experiences play a role in sexual interest; but hormones are, by far, the determining factors regarding the strength of sexual interest.

Are men and women different? YES. Men and women naturally produce very different levels, throughout life, of the same hormones. Of course there are differences in sexual expression between the genders. But, what remains the same between male and female is that sexual interest and activity in both genders are foundationally shaped and driven by the corresponding hormone levels in the brain.

Subjective accounts of sexual interest are worthless. Can anyone say for sure that they are more or less sexually driven than they were 10, or 25, or 30 years ago? Those answers are prone to be inaccurate. Memories can be faulty...they can be embellished or minimized.

Testing present arousal capability is much more reliable than trusting some 56-year-old to remember exactly how horny she or he was 35 years ago.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 130 (view)
 
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 12:18:50 PM

Maybe if all these professionals would actually just listen to women.....instead of making all these assumptions based on chemical levels......people wouldn't be as misguided by the "facts" as you are.


What assumptions? Hormones greatly affect sexual response. Healthy levels of sex hormones ensure a healthy sex-life, and low levels portend sexual dysfunction and/or disinterest. If a guy's testosterone, LH, FSH, and NO levels lower because of age, his libido drops. If a woman's estrogen, FSH, LH, oxytocin, or NO levels dwindle because of age.....same thing. Libido perceptibly drops. It's a natural, common occurrence. We know that if you give a woman a hysterectomy, or castrate a guy, libido plummets because production of vital hormones is reduced by those procedures. It's a FACT.

Age tends to do over time what reproductive surgery does in a day.

There's no need to "listen" to anyone's subjective accounts. There have been countless studies which directly correlate hormone levels to physical arousal to sexually-based stimuli. The correlations are incontrovertible.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Sex while talking?
Posted: 9/6/2009 6:33:20 AM
Talking during sex is great, although there are times when silence enhances the experience, too. Communication (verbal or non-verbal) is always a good thing----before, during, and after sex.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 127 (view)
 
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 5:48:09 PM

widowsdesire----Secondly, you fail to acknowledge the FACT that the greatest sex organ is indeed the BRAIN, not the vagina, nor the penis


No....I acknowledged that when I said that levels of hormones tend to be significantly higher in 36 - 46 year old women than they are in 55-year-old women. Hormones and neurotransmitters (found abundantly in the peripheral structures AND the brain) help the brain to coordinate sensory stimuli with arousal responses.

Less estrogen and testosterone in women = lesser sex-drive. There is a drop-off in libido as people pass through middle-age. A decline doesn't mean that older people don't desire sex at all or don't have sex. Understand?



widowsdesire----where their is a will there is a way.


People with lower levels of sex hormones (such as many 55-year-olds) are much less willing to pursue sex. So, they are consequently less interested in finding a way.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 121 (view)
 
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 2:59:26 PM

I for one am 54, soon to turn 55 this month.


It's laughable that anyone would think a post-menopausal, 55-year-old woman would have a greater sex-drive than a healthy, ovulating, 36-year-old female. The fifty-something woman usually has much lower levels of all relevant hormones----estrogen, FSH, LH, oxytocin, testosterone, DHEA, etc. Countless studies have shown that there is a gentle, but perceptible, decline in sex-drive (desire and arousal stages) in both men and women as the aging process continues. Here, as with everything else, notable exceptions don't nullify the rule. Apparently, there always has to be someone who questions the obvious.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:36:28 AM

Who writes these up? Does this advice bother anyone else?


The home-dinner first date is not a good idea for total strangers, but is often a good first date for people who already knew each other in person (as friends, neighbors, or whatever) before dating. I would agree that it's probably not the best advice to appear on a dating site; but it's also expected that mature adults would take all advice (on POF or otherwise) with a grain of salt and use common sense and reason in a given situation.

So no, it's not worth it being bothered by it. Don't take that particular advice if it's not useful to you.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Why are girls so fickle on here?!
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:30:04 AM

So she was making two dates at the same time and for some reason chose this other dude...AND she wasnt even going to tell me had i not texted her when i did.


Happens all the time. That's why it's smart to make first meetings casual and light----coffee, meeting at the park, Jamba Juice....things like that. It allows both people an easy and casual exit if plans change. No one got played----you two don't even know each other if you've only texted and emailed a few times.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:07:12 PM

He also could barely walk, he told me had gone for a run the day before and was sore...keep in mind I'm a runner and he said he was too, he was hobbiling worse then me when I've run a marathon with a pulled quad!!!


You're either leaving out significant details, or are jumping to quick conclusions. Many runners actually limp and hobble badly much of the time when they're not actually doing runs. During run times, the body increases endorphin production which allows runners with chronic aches and pains to perform.

You should have stopped at "he looked nothing like his picture".
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
What someone does that really turn you off?
Posted: 9/4/2009 6:15:36 PM
Loudness above all. There's nothing worse than a date with a shrieking voice which carries. Easily distracted dates (who keep looking at cell-phone, etc.) are date-killers, too. That's about it. Most women are decent and thoughtful on dates, so I've rarely had singular events happen that were huge turn-offs.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 116 (view)
 
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/4/2009 6:10:47 PM
Women's peak years are about 36 - 46. After that, there is a slow decline in their libido; but, from what I've been told, it still remains relatively strong for years after that. There's nothing to worry about as long as a woman's general health is good.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Girls making the first move???
Posted: 9/4/2009 6:02:22 PM

I work with the guy so I don't want to be infront of a whole bunch of people but I don't want to look like a stalker and walk around the place on a hunt hehehehe.


Workplace relationships usually don't work. Really, you ought to be able to find someone in the big, wide world who doesn't happen to work in your office/store/plant. It's a huge loser move for all sides concerned. My brother-in-law, who is an M.D. had an associate (also an M.D.), who almost ruined his whole practice over a relationship with a receptionist. How laughable and unseemly is that? Might as well have flushed his medical license down the toilet. No matter how well-meaning both parties are, these office relationships stink up the workplace and tend to distract all the other colleagues/employees/coworkers.

So, here's what you should do: don't approach him in front of your coworkers, and don't approach him privately, either. Let it go and find a prospect you can have a normal relationship with. Don't be a ridiculous loser with the workplace comedy.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 99 (view)
 
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:50:09 AM

Another opportunity with that girl never again surfaced because she told me she didn't actually like me a couple weeks later.


What many of us don't understand is why didn't you attempt to create another opportunity to get with this girl (that you claim to like so much) during those 14 days between the time you got snowed out and the time she told you she didn't like you? It's almost like you had a "now or never" mentality concerning that one opportunity with the empty house, and since that didn't happen, you gave up.

I can tell you that lots and lots of plans get thwarted during the dating process. That happens all the time. You have to improvise and keep changing/updating plans in order to make sure that you can be with the girl you like. Opportunities don't just surface---they are created through male initiative. I'm really wondering why you're not receptive to that when it's been mentioned again and again on the thread.....
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:38:05 PM
Getting ready to go hang out with a 60-year-old woman at her house.....she likes to drink on weekday evenings, because she doesn't have to work. She can handle the liquor. I'm working tomorrow, so I won't be drinking (I usually don't drink anyway). I'm just going to hang out with her for an hour and a half or so----no sex...and just let her bend my ear up with her stories. She tells some gut-busters. She throws 'em back (the drinks) harder than a 20-year-old.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
 
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/1/2009 11:37:53 AM

it's just frustrating that us men almost all the time have to be the ones to make the first move and ask the girl out, initiate the date and relationship, because not all of us guys know how to play our cards right.


The word "frustrating", which you used, is an interesting word. It comes from the Latin root "fraus", which is akin to our English words "fraud", "fraudulent", etc. Somehow, your thought process is telling you that men's naturally greater assertiveness and initiative capacity lead to dating efforts which don't pay off---in other words, fraudulent hopes leading to disappointing results. Nothing could be further from the truth. The assertive guys actually get the women. Period. There's nothing frustrating about us guys taking the initiative at all. It's the passive guys whom are often frustrated. Remember that an occasional rejection is not frustration. If a woman turns down your advances, it's merely a confirmation that she's not a good match. There are always more women than men everywhere in almost every context, so there are plenty more prospects to reach out to. You merely move on to the next prospect.

You don't have to start out "playing all your cards right". Dating is about consistently reaching out to girls because you're attracted to them; learning in the process what works and doesn't work; and continuing to initiate contacts/meetings/dates until you find a good match. It's like anything else in life, you start out with small steps and incrementally move on to bigger steps. Just feeling comfortable calling women you know platonically for short, friendly conversations can be a significant first step. Spend a few weeks or months doing that consistently. Next step would be initiating get-togethers for coffee or drinks---again, short, daytime meetings where you just talk as friends. Spend a few weeks or months getting comfortable initiating coffee meetings with women you know. Next, you would slowly move toward initiating more romantic outings a woman you could conceivably build a relationship with. Ideally, this process should have happened during your teen years, but it's not too late to start now.

Somewhere along the way, you conditioned yourself to believe that guys shoulder some kind of burden in having to initiate relationships with women. Being assertive, for dudes, is not a burden at all. The burden comes in having, as a male, all the genetic and biochemical resources to be assertive and not being assertive because your thinking is messed up. I would think that would be a huge burden. Your thinking needs to change if you want to develop successful relationships.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:04:34 AM

Is this an age thing?... is it possibly a lack of comfort with the technology thing?... is it gender related?


It's none of those things. Some people are not very good communicators. Those who aren't won't change on a dime. They will remain uncommunicative. It shouldn't be necessary to prompt someone to do the normal give-and-take in conversation. If you are messaging someone who isn't forthcoming, you'll need to decide if you want to meet that person anyway or just move on.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:07:19 PM
OP: Often people will move on even when a first date went relatively well. You don't know whom else she is dating, and she may have simply found someone else.

I wouldn't say you did anything wrong; but there were a lot of notes and emails between you two after the first date. You might have been better off calling one time to tell her you enjoyed the date, and then calling again only to agree upon a second date. Notes, smiley faces, and daily phone calls can get monotonous after awhile if you're not meeting again for a week or so. Also, calling late in the evening (at a time when someone may be asleep) is very bad form unless you know someone very well. Call new prospects during regular daylight hours until you're both comfortable with later evening phone calls.


Tonight, I sent her an email, which I don't know if she will read or not, thanking her for allowing me to meet her last Thursday, apologizing if I had done or said anything that might have upset her, made her feel uncomfortable or that she didn't like because that was not my intention.


NEVER thank someone for "allowing" you to meet/date them. It's not an imposition on normal people to meet and date other normal people. It's cool to thank her for the date itself or for a good time, but don't act like she bestowed some kind of privilege upon you---it doesn't come across as attractive. Don't pre-emptively apologize when you haven't done anything wrong. I don't think those statements really damaged your chances with her, but you didn't need to grovel like that.

The ball's in her court, OP. You didn't really mess up, but you may have clung to her (through the notes/emails/phone calls) a little bit too strongly after the successful first date. Her mild interest may have dimmed somewhat for any number of reasons, and at this point, you need to let it go. She'll contact you if she's still interested. Be glad for the fun date you had and call it a day.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Do you reflect on what you attract?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:07:25 PM
Yes, I definitely attract a certain type. Whether I'm interested in a certain woman or not, it's great being the object of affection. It's always a good thing.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:53:02 PM
OP: I agree that it's not polite; but there's often no point in maintaining a pretense if there is no "click" between two people. It's cool if two people can have a polite cup of coffee together knowing that they're not going to go any further than that; but it's not realistic to expect that all daters are that poised and socially skilled. Rather than sitting there in awkward silence, it's probably better for some to make a quick exit. It was a minimal investment, so it's a minimal loss.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Does it make you feel like a creepy creeperson if
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:46:08 PM
I've clicked on profiles of women I know in real life, and have had women I know view my profile. No big deal.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:43:20 PM
I'm seeing a lot of BBs drinking good foreign beers and ales----not wine, whisky, or bourbon as much. For those BBs drinking wine, white zin is by far the most popular that I've seen them drink. I'm impressed with people knockin' 'em back, but not acting like idiots or getting too loud, etc. Pleasant drinkers are pleasant people.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 60 (view)
 
What are men looking for in an older woman?
Posted: 8/30/2009 5:57:22 PM

Ok, I'll give you a forty something year old. But why a 24 or 30 or 33 or 38 year old? I'm not being cute here, I'm trying to figure out what they might be looking for.


Probably looking for a Mom, although it is possible for a younger guy to be attracted to an older woman for the normal attraction/compatibility reasons. A guy who usually dates women his own age and has a one-time attraction to an older woman is probably a normal guy. Guys who persistently and repeatedly go after older women are looking for a sugar-mommy, carer, or baby-sitter.



Methinks thou art being a wee touch disingenuous, my fair one.


Agreed. Like it or not, how one dresses and poses for online pics may tend to attract specific groups of members. Going onto the forums and essentially bragging about one's contacts will only add to the supposedly unwanted attention from those groups. All older women are going to get a certain number of contacts from younger guys; but some older women are pushing all the buttons which will maximize the attention they're getting from a younger set. It's not innocent.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 59 (view)
 
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 4:40:34 PM

I hate it with a huge passion when people say, "grow a pair", "be a man", "because you are a man, you need to be one", I hate all those sexist phrases, people say those phrases as to the reason why the guy has to take the initiative, be the one to approach the girl, make the first move, start a conversation, ask her out.


Choice #1: Sack up. Grow a pair. Be a man. Be assertive in initiating relationships with women. Get going. Just do it.

Choice #2: If you happen to be one of the very rare guys out there whom are able to successfully sit back and wait around for an assertive woman to sweep them off their feet, then just sit tight and wait.

Choice #3: Resign yourself to being alone in life, not wanting the pleasures of sexual relationships.

Those are the three reasonable choices. Whining about not being able to find someone is not one of those reasonable choices. Whining is based on both weakness and delusion. There's nothing for an able-bodied, average guy to whine about when it comes to finding companionship. You have your choices (listed above), so go with what suits you. That's all that needs to be said.



Why do you think it's better if the guy initiates everything with the girl in the beginning?


Men have, on average, 10 times the testosterone levels that women do. All of our social arrangements have been shaped by that fact for millennia. Even in today's cultures, men are generally expected to take the lead in initiating and maintaining relationships with women. That is what most commonly works. There are exceptions; but the exceptions are much more rare.

You have all that testosterone for a reason. Use it.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
The Night that Didn't End so Well.
Posted: 8/30/2009 11:41:50 AM
OP: You're very attracted to this girl, and that's clouding your judgment. It's understandable for a relatively inexperienced 20-year-old to feel what you're feeling. Hormones, lust, and chemistry can be very strong, and can cause some guys to act like marks. You're acting like a mark for this piece of trash. It may take you awhile to get over her; but you will get over her, and will move on to better experiences and relationships. Just keep that in mind, even while you're still dealing with your feelings for this girl. Yes, she lacks class. Yes, she was rude. Yes, you should move on. No, you're not wrong for being pissed off, but you need to get over it (and her) and move on.

Good luck.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
When did we all become so self centered.....
Posted: 8/30/2009 11:29:06 AM
Everything the OP said in that original post is a distorted observation skewed by profoundly ignorant assumptions. Worthless. It's good that she's no longer a member.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Newer relationship
Posted: 8/30/2009 11:20:37 AM
OP: both of your concerns involve compatibility. Your first issue (the one about where he is in his life) is the more problematic one. There's not much that can be done about where he is in life, except for him to continue slowly improving himself and becoming more responsible and settled. It doesn't happen quickly when someone has had an irresponsible past. If you're willing to be patient and invest some time in him, he may continue to stabilize to your satisfaction. It's a risk any way you look at it. If part of his past involves substance dependence, then it's a HUGE risk---most substance abusers don't completely beat their addictions.

Your second concern is the more minor one. You are a very sexual person who seems to like PDA and consistency in showing affection. Your SO may be more naturally reserved. That can often be discussed and resolved between mature partners. Communicate openly, but lovingly.

Try not to take an occasional lack of affection as rejection. Everyone shows affection differently, and many folks are very stoic and inexpressive even when they love their partners. It's a big mistake to take the expression of an SO's temperament as personal rejection. It's a guarantee that if your partner is a more reserved dude, he would be that way with any girl, not just you. If you just want a more expressive partner, then that's your preference; but don't take it as a rejection if a more stoic partner is simply being himself.

Good luck.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/30/2009 11:02:22 AM

if a guy thinks he can ask us that after date one we're meant to just be exclusive how does that work?!!


It's only the occasional, unusual guy who would ever mention exclusivity that early. There is no double standard here. The guy who does this is a clinger, or is obsessive, just as surely as a woman who mentions exclusivity too early.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Nogueira vs. Couture confirmed for UFC 102
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:58:23 AM
This was a great card with some great fights. Jardine is starting to be a concern---don't know how many more brutal KOs he can take before he incurs brain damage. Marquardt is really coming into his own in the striking; but it still won't be enough to beat Anderson. NOG is back.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Nogueira vs. Couture confirmed for UFC 102
Posted: 8/29/2009 4:24:25 PM
Tough fight to call. I haven't liked how NOG has looked in the Octagon since the Herring fight; but he should have more tools than Randy does. If NOG fights like he did against Mir, he will lose. If he returns to the NOG we saw in Pride days, he has a good chance to take it. Would love to see a brutal finish, no matter who wins.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Gina Carano
Posted: 8/29/2009 4:21:21 PM
Gina just gave a post-fight statement a couple of days ago and was a class-act. No excuses, and no minimization of what happened. Didn't really hear her say she was pumped to get back into training for her next fight, but we'll see what happens.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 350 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/29/2009 2:08:19 PM

Asking the question is snoopy, Answering the question brings more questioning equally irrelevant to the current relationship.
WHY????????? Why does it matter who or how many someones been with before?


Good restatement of some earlier posts. There hasn't been a credible reason yet offered on this thread for asking for a body-count. Haven't yet talked to a normal, relationship-savvy individual in the real world who sees any merit in that question.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/29/2009 1:47:50 PM
^^Good insight! Thank you.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 1:42:51 PM

When humans lived in small tribes rather than large cities, there were smaller numbers of women available, and there were often dominant men (alphas) in the tribe, who had control over the females.


Agreed. But now there are huge numbers of available women contrasted with guys almost everywhere on earth. Men are actually the rarer commodity today, so simple assertiveness should guarantee a woman for every guy who pursues it. Don't count on women initiating relationships, even when a woman wants a certain guy. They are simply less likely to pursue it, given their biochemistry and, to a lesser extent, their conditioning.



I always thought that having a "type" was stupid and limits your choices, there's lots of great people of all different types.


Agreed. Some guys may be too picky, and that might limit their success in establishing relationships.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/29/2009 1:23:11 PM

If anything, it seems younger people drink more, tend to go clubbing and party a lot more.


I agree that the younger crowd go to bars and clubs more, but (contrasted with the BBs), I'm finding that the younger crowd actually drink less. The BBs are less prevalent in the clubs, bars, and pubs.....they go to more house parties and park outings; but the liquor flows more. BBs don't tend to fly out of control or act like idiots while drinking, though....that's a huge plus.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:11:28 AM

WHY DOES THE GUY HAVE TO INITIATE EVERYTHING IN DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS


Man......this is what I'm talking about! You act like taking the initiative is some kind of burden or drudgery. Most normal, red-blooded guys enjoy taking the initiative and do it automatically. It's not a matter of "have to". A normal testosterone level and, at least, average intelligence, should ensure that a guy has more than enough assertiveness and initiative to get and maintain a relationship.

It's sad that any guy would see simple initiative in meeting and dating women as a chore.

I don't know if it's due to hormones/pesticides in foods; or faulty gender-bender conditioning; or simply evolution (which isn't always "progressive"), but there seems to be somewhat of a trend where guys in each successive generation are increasingly being feminized to the point of total inability.

There are very, very few guys who will enjoy a satisfying relationship worthy of the term as a result of passive acquiescence to a woman's initiative. It does happen, but it's rare and it's not necessarily a good thing. It's up to the guys, in most circumstances, to go out and initiate dates and relationships. I initiated all mine. That's the way it ideally works.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:37:04 AM
OP: there are more women than men in almost every locale in the world. If you've never had a girlfriend, then it's apparent that you have thought and behavior patterns which are preventing you from pursuing a potential girlfriend and getting one. Period. One of the biggest stumblingblocks for a lot of guys is that they tend to be attracted to women they're not really compatible with. Review how you're screening the women you pursue, and see if you need to adjust whom you're focusing on for dates and relationships.

Another thing to remember is that as a guy, you need to be assertive. I'm not saying you're not assertive, but too many guys take a passive role in dating and wait around for girls to approach them, call them, etc. That doesn't work well for most guys. YOU need to approach girls. YOU need to get the numbers. YOU need to call regularly. YOU need to plan and initiate dates. YOU need to be prepared to pick the girl up at her house if you're not meeting her at the venue. YOU need to suggest exclusivity when you have rapport with a certain girl. You need to expect to do those things all the time, and not see it as a burden. The guy should consistently (but respectfully) take the lead in dating-----always. Guys who don't have relationships often don't realize that they need to take the initiative every time.

Good luck. If you really want a girlfriend, you'll get one easily enough.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
If you kiss someone that smokes a lot
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:08:21 AM
OP: if you're trying to stay on the wagon in regard to not smoking, you need to remove all opportunities to relapse. Screen friends and dating prospects ruthlessly. You don't want to be in smoky bars and clubs if you want to avoid resuming the habit.

Kissing a smoker is out for you.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 346 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:02:09 AM

just be concerned with sexual diseases and AIDS. What a person tells you is a lie anyways.


^^Straightforward and to the point, although not everyone will lie about their count----some will lie, and some will tell the truth. A couple of the women I asked about this did say they would be tempted to lie. Another said she would tell the guy to mind his own business. I'm up to 9 - 0, by the way--no one I have queried thought this was a question they'd like to be asked. It's an ineffective question in a dating scenario. Period.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:47:19 AM

how many other people out there are this blasted? or was this just the particular crowd?


I've noticed some of the same things you've apparently noticed. The BBs are now leading the other age groups in terms of handling the liquor. They're drinking significantly more than the 25- 45 age group. That's not a value judgment.....I just find it interesting.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:59:53 PM

WTF?! LOL! Okay... one of us has been cuz the above is making no sense since the question is not gender specific.


Your answer may certainly be gender-specific; but I needed to phrase the question in gender-neutral terms in accordance with the rules. I'm encouraging all kinds of answers.



Well first of all, studies about Baby Boomer's drinking habits, suggest that men drink more than women.


Allowing for the body-weight differential, I've heard that women in this age bracket actually consume more alcohol per kilogram of body weight than men do. That bears out my own experience that while BB guys can pound the liquor, BB women drink even more.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:10:26 PM

OP? I see you are 41 so this leaves you out of the equation?(sp) lol


Hey, I've been hanging around older folks the last couple of weeks. I see how they do. The Baby-Boomers definitely can hold a drop, IMO. Not saying it's a bad thing, by the way.....
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 341 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/27/2009 1:52:30 PM

Your argument is obviously not cogent as it has failed to persuade anyone of its veracity. There are many in this thread who believe exactly the opposite of what you claim, so your argument is not even accepted by a clear majority.


I didn't need to persuade anyone. Most were already persuaded of my contention, and there hasn't been an opposing list offered of body-count enthusiasts greater than the now eight women I've asked about this. The problems of asking for a body-count are already agreed by most on the thread to be numerous and they far outweigh the merits of asking the question. There aren't "many" on the thread who believe exactly the opposite; but only several.



What I've said is that the question has always come up and for those of us who do not think it's a big deal, it is nothing but a casual question.


If a question appears to the listener to be unsavory, provocative, or odd, then that precludes the possibility of it being a casual question to the listener. Again, the overwhelming majority of thread posts support the contention that this question usually doesn't come across to a listener as a casual question. If a socially-inept guy were to ask a woman "So......have you ever been raped before?" the socially-inept guy might think it's a casual question, but his listener probably wouldn't think so, whether she actually answers the question or not. The body-count question, to a much-lesser extent, seems to have an off-putting effect on women, though many women will answer that question.

Not caring whether women, in general, like or dislike a certain question is your right---no one is questioning that----but that indifference may be problematic when trying to ascertain whether a question is "casual" or not. Like it or not, socially-skilled people concern themselves with the comfort-level of conversation. There are many ways to learn what someone is all about without asking off-the-wall, third-rail questions and scrutinizing for reactions. However, comfort and rapport are not a priority for every dater, and everyone understands that.

The opinion of most posters here is that "how many?" is not a casual question, nor an effective question in a dating scenario. My argument has been, and is, that it's a pointless and ineffective question, for the reasons I gave many times. Yelling that "It works for me!" is relevant to yourself, but irrelevant to the strong majority here who disagree with you.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Alcohol and Baby-Boomers
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:29:14 PM
Lately, I'm noticing that people in the Baby-Boomer set (45 - 60) tend to consume more drinks on dates than people in the 25 - 45 range. I would have thought that younger people would consume more alcohol, but haven't found that to be the case.

Have any of you noticed the same trend?

(EDIT: to make topic gender-neutral. I'm interested in the opinions of both men and women about both genders.)
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 339 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:17:13 PM

Yes but many partners increases the risk.


Knowing the number of former partners does not decrease the risk---that's what should matter to you. The body-count could be one, and that one former partner could have given an STD to your prospect. It's utterly pointless to rely on a body-count for risk-assessment in dating. Health screening is much preferable.





I don't care if you've asked 6000 people. I'm not those people and I don't live by taking votes on what I should do. You are engaging in a logical fallacy and doing it badly at that.


Nope, it's called inductive reasoning. I'm making a cogent argument that the "how many" question appears unsavory, tactless, and counterproductive in an intimate discussion. As with all cogent arguments, we can only ascertain a relative strength of argument based on the reactions of people we ask (as to the worthiness of requesting a body-count). You may be able to make a cogent argument that many women like the question; but the evidence of this thread, and of my own queries, is that most don't.

I'm really laughing at your petulance. No one gives a crap what you ask your dates. They should be asking you what frequency you get on those Mickey Mouse hats. When another guy acts/speaks like a dork to women, it potentially increases the options of the rest of us. Knock yourself out!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Why do women find criminals hot?
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:46:05 PM
Most of the women I've known who got involved with bad boys and criminals were high and/or drunk much of the time. Their thinking was affected by what they were putting into their bodies. I've never known a consistently sober woman who got with and stayed with a criminal---they (the women) have all been major substance users. They may be initially attracted by the excitement or intensity of these dudes, but their whole selection process is altered by the drugs/booze.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 317 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:37:03 PM

Who said anything about asking that question in an intimate moment?


I'm sure it would have to be asked in an intimate moment----"intimate" doesn't necessarily have to be in bed during sex. Obviously, that would be a very bad time to ask the "how many?" question. But, an intimate moment also occurs when a couple are just alone somewhere having a conversation. I don't think too many guys would risk asking for a body-count in front of others----I'd love to see that mistake.

While the question is not optimal at any time, there are very few people who would ask their SO this question (except maybe as a teen playing a drinking game) while out with a group of friends or in a public place within earshot of other folks.


The question has always come up in a casual conversation


The question doesn't just come up. Someone deliberately brings it up. I just asked a 6th female acquaintance what she would think about being asked this question, so now I've had 6 for 6 say that it's an unsavory question.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 314 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:01:10 AM

How can you get to know a partner better without asking questions.


There are lots of questions one can ask a partner which will give one profound insight into the nature and character of the SO. That has been discussed throughout this thread---activities, hobbies, career, friends, past LTRs, political/social opinions and many other things help to form a very accurate representation of who someone is. A body-count does not do that. Giving a total number of partners, outside of knowing the contexts in which these liaisons happened, just doesn't reveal useful information; and I don't think many people are boorish enough to ask the precise details in which each sexual connection happened. Without knowing the context of each experience, a body-count doesn't tell you anything.

If a woman wanted me to give her a body-count, I'd want to know why that was important to her. I haven't dated a woman in a very long time who was unusual enough to ask me that---I'd have to go back to the teenaged years. I also asked 5 of my female friends and exes about this, and all of them said they'd want to know why the question was being asked. If you tell a woman: "Well, I just want to see if you're evasive in response to the question"----will that tend to build intimacy? Of course not. So there is no sensible, credible reason one can give, in an intimate moment, for wanting a body-count. It's just a provocative, awkward question. There's no getting around that. It's an intimacy-killer.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
single and pregnant
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:15:04 AM

Spitfire........why would it be a problem after 5 months? There are other positions other than missionary thats far suited to the pregnant woman if missionary proves to be uncomfortable


Because even with doggystyle, spooning, or other positions, you can't grip her around her trunk and embrace her as tightly if she's in the late 2nd or 3rd trimester. You simply don't have as many places to grab hold of her and squeeze her tight. It's do-able, but feels like walking on eggshells.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 306 (view)
 
How many is too many?
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:05:59 AM

You won't know more about someone necessarily by getting their #. It BEGS for stereotyping. Someone may be accused of being a prude because they're 30 and have only slept with 2 people.... or the opposite that they are craving for sexual fun because it's only been 2 and it's an early mid-life crisis after a divorce. Another would be considered a forever-slut because they're 30 and have slept with 30.


Good observation. I'll go even further than this and restate one of my points from an earlier post. Not only does asking for a body-count beg for stereotyping (what I called a pejorative judgment), but the query inevitably leads to that pejorative judgment. It doesn't matter whether one is speculating based on the answer itself or the evasiveness/body language/gestures/grimaces which seem to accompany the answer. You end up making interpretations (based on this one answer) of the SO's behavior or character which are not warranted.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 2:41:40 PM

How many men ask that of a woman after the first or second date? and why???


Never have, but I suppose if a guy is sprung on a particular woman, I can understand wanting to have this conversation earlier in the dating relationship.
 
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