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 Author Thread: Forums are grabbing my attention more than the profiles, OH NO!! lol
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Forums are grabbing my attention more than the profiles, OH NO!! lol
Posted: 9/17/2015 7:17:12 PM
The forums used to be the best thing about POF. I met my very best friend here when I replied to something he posted. We hit if off immediately and have been best friends ever since. That was in August 2007. Wow, that seems like forever ago now. LOL
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Forums are grabbing my attention more than the profiles, OH NO!! lol
Posted: 9/17/2015 3:18:10 AM
I haven't been on POF since 2009 and I only came back for the forums. Haha!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 92 (view)
 
I think I now understand why you are divorced.
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:53:57 AM
At my age, I am not interested in trying to change anyone. I seek someone that I do not feel the need to change and I enjoy being with as he is. We all have our faults and flaws, and while the blame for a broken relationship may rest more on one partner than another, none of us are entirely blameless. There are some faults and flaws that do not bother me in a partner, and others that I simply cannot tolerate. The ones I cannot tolerate, I will no longer excuse or look sideways at. What does or doesn't bother me may not be the same for the next person. None of us is perfect. I am not looking for the 'perfect' man. I am looking for the person that I can love and be happy with, despite his flaws. And he can be happy with me, despite mine. People forget that little, annoying characteristics at the beginning of a relationship will only intensify as the guards come down and the relationship goes on....so if it bugs you now, accept that it will get worse over time. You need to ask yourself, if this 'flaw' becomes magnified, can you still happily live with it or will it become a deal breaker? If the answer is the latter....STOP, do not pass go, get out now! As stated earlier, you cannot change anyone but yourself. Unless people change because THEY want to change, it won't last and will eventually lead to resentment. Honestly, are WE all looking for someone who feels the need to change US, or someone who will accept and love us as we are? Shouldn't we give any potential partner the same respect?

After my divorce, I separated the characteristics I would 'like to have' in a future partner from the characteristics I 'need' in a partner to be content and happy. I will settle for less than I would ideally like to have, but not for less than I truly need. There is a BIG difference between the two. Whether we expect a partner to live up to our 'ideal' standards or we settle for less than we actually need in a relationship, we are to blame because we are only setting ourselves up, and them, for disappointment and discontentment.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:35:12 AM
^^^^^^^^^ Thank you for pointing out that not all single mother's are selfish, and some do consider their kid's needs and feelings, and the father's, above their own.


I think it has alot to do with gender attitudes...when we read a single mom's profile and she seems appealling to us we tend to picture the guy who left her as an ass. I think women who read a single dad's profile tend to wonder what terrble thing he could have done to cause a woman to run-off and leave her kids....


Maybe I am in the minority here, but I don't think so. I have never wondered what terrible thing a guy did to make a woman run off and leave her kids. MY first thought is....what kind of woman would run off and leave her kids behind without a second thought?!!! I understand there are some valid reasons sometimes, but as a mother, I can't imagine leaving my kids behind no matter how terrible he was. It just isn't in me, nor I think in most mothers. I try not to judge when I hear about absent mothers until I hear the whole story...sometimes they are forced into it and have no choice...but I must admit, that is my first thought.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Am I just selfish???
Posted: 9/2/2007 8:38:10 AM
First, how is his daughter being manipultive and evil and trying to ruin OP's life if she didn't even know her father was seeing someone? Read what the OP is saying and not what you have experienced personally. Second, not all kids are ready to babysit or even spend hours alone at 13. It depends on the child's maturity level. Third, when he has his daughter, he wants to spend time with her...is that so hard to understand?

You've dated him for six months....that's actually a pretty good period of time to know if he is worth waiting for. Is this the first time he's had to cancel a date? If so, then I think he has done a great job at juggling dating and parenting. If he wants to take it slow with introducing his daughter to his girlfriend...then let him. Be supportive and encouraging. Be interested in his daughter but not pushy. He will realize you are capable of caring about both of them. Let him know that you are willing to spend time with both of them WHEN he is ready to take that step...but no pressure. Trust his instincts; its his child and he knows what she can handle easily and what she needs time to adjust to. Its hard, but if he is the great guy you think he is...it will be worth the wait and less stressful for everyone all around. Also a thought, if she knows about you but sees that you are not trying to 'take her father away from her', she will learn to respect you and there will be much less of the 'evil stepmother' mentality. She will eventually understand that you respect her relationship with her father and care about her wellbeing over your own, which will go a long way with gaining her trust. He will respect that too.

Others are right, it might seem like forever but the time will come (faster than you might think) when she needs her father's attention and time less and less. If he is a devoted father, that might be a hard concept for him to deal with, but he will have you there to make the transition easier and there will be a whole lot more time for him to focus on you. Unless there are other issues too, I say, hang in there and give him the space to be the best dad he can be and spend as much time with her as he can in the little time left before she grows up and goes off on her own. If he turns out to be the one for you and you end up together permanently, he will thank you and adore you for it.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
single dad in need of advice
Posted: 9/2/2007 6:26:32 AM
I haven't read through ALL of the replies, so I'm not sure how much of what I say will be a repeat. First, do not put down your ex in front of your kids. EVER! No matter how bad of a mother she is, your kids need to believe that she loves them. You CAN tell them that she loves them but has problems she needs to concentrate on that make it difficult for her to show them how much she loves them. Let them know that her problems are not your fault or theirs, and none of you can solve them for her. Also teach them that they must accept that she may never learn how to handle her problems, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love them. With her messed up background and messed up mind right now...the fact that she makes any attempt to stay in their lives shows that she does care about them. I am speaking from experience and that is what I told my kids. I didn't lie to them about what was going on, but I did try to make them feel loved by both of us and help them understand that their father had problems that made him act unreliable and even irresponsible, and they needed to realize that and not take it personally. They are older now. They feel sorry for him, and while they have little to do with him, they don't hate him, and have thanked me for helping them understand it is HIS problem and HIS addiction. Its hard, I know, to be a good parent. BTW, I was in an interracial marriage too and my parents disowned me because of it. We have alot in common, you and I.

Second, crack addiction is an extremely hard thing to overcome. Most of the people I know who are addicted to it, including my ex, have never been able to overcome it. It changes them. They seem to lose all sense of reasoning. She probably does believe that she is doing the right thing by her kids by letting you have custody of them and staying out of their lives for the most part. In a sense, she is right. She isn't constantly exposing them to her addiction and irresponsible behavior...so she is "saving" them from herself. In the process, she is also hurting them, but much less than having them watch her destroy herself daily. My ex used to say the same thing. You are also right to not trust her . Crack addicts can do some really stupid things that make no sense to anyone but themselves at the time, and she could put your kids in danger without even thinking about it. Been there, done that too. Stop blaming yourself for not being perfect and for making mistakes. We all do. That is not her problem, that is her excuse. The crack is her problem, and not having had a childhood that allowed her to really understand how to be a good parent. No matter how much you love her, you can't change her. You can continue to pray for her...but be warned...the odds are that she will not change. Still, its not impossible.

Finally, you are in a hard situation. There is no solution that will not have some kind of negative effect on your children. The best you can do is minimize the hurt as much as possible and be their rock that they can count on. This means being kind and patient and loving, being their role model, even when you want to explode from the frustration and exhaustion of dealing with her. Be straight with them, but be kind about it. Do what you feel is in their best interest, include them in the decision if you can and let them have a say when possible. Never fully shut the door unless that is what they want. In the end, they will respect you and love you for it. Good luck to you all and if you'd like to stay in touch, feel free to email me. I'd be happy to talk with you, I've been there. BTW, I'm in NC too and that's part of the reason why I moved down here. So I also know how hard it is to start over alone without a support system.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How do you..
Posted: 9/2/2007 5:14:29 AM
OP, I read through your previous thread. Wow, that's alot of losses for someone so young. I think you are handling it better than you think.

Unfortunately, in the past year I have had three friends lose a son, all them in their early teens and all three boys were great kids. Two of the deaths were sudden, freak accidents and one was because of luekemia. The time lines are one year ago, nine months ago, and five months ago.

It's been hard on everyone but I have watched the same pattern of grieving take place in all three of my friends. First is the shock and numbness. For the first few months, they live like zombies, can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate, and can't remember even little things that happened the day before. Then the numbness begins to wear off and real anger sets in. Anger with themselves, with God, and with other people. If only they had done this or that. Why did God allow this to happen? How dare other people have normal lives when they are going through so much pain. They developed short tempers, lashed out a the people close to them, and constantly wondered why, why, why? Around six to eight months, the reality sets in and they sort of resigned themselves to the fact their child is gone and they accept the need to get on with their lives and work on their future. At this point, they could finally begin to talk about and remember their child and smile instead of cry. This is when all the loving comments, stories, pictures, and memories...theirs and other's....truly brought comfort to them and they began to slowly 'act' like themselves again. And I emphasize SLOWLY!!!

These were sweet, cheerful, caring women who became angry, depressed, critical, and lashed out at times at their friends, spouses, coworkers, etc., who walked on eggshells around them. They seemed to become completely different people for awhile. The thing I have learned is that they don't even realize they are doing it. Its NORMAL and a part of the grieving process. As the first poster stated, everyone grieves differently but there are still stages of the process we have to go through and they can't be circumvented. Doing so only prolongs the process in the end. One thing that seems to have helped all three is counseling and having someone close to them that they could talk to through their grief. Someone they trusted and would actually listen to.

The first two are now nearing the one year mark and yes, they still have their moments and those first holidays and birthdays without their sons are still hard on them but they are functioning, laughing, and living again. It will always hurt and they will always miss their sons. I have a 15 yrs old son at home, my other kids are grown and gone. He is an absolutely wonderful kid (I have always said he is my special gift from God for surviving the first three! LOL) and I try to imagine how I would go on without him if it had been him instead of one of theirs. So I can empathize with their pain.

My point is....you really are doing fine. Some stages may last longer than others. Don't try to set a timeline. It WILL get better in time but it will never completely go away and I don't think you would want it to. Take your time to get through each stage and realize that your feelings are normal. Talking it out seems to be the best therapy rather than keeping it inside and presenting a tough exterior. I'm not sure that it will lesson the time of grieving, but it does seem to help them THROUGH their grief.

I know you don't know me but you seem to need someone to talk to, even if its 2 in the morning. If you would like to email me, I will give you my number and you can call me when you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, or just need to know you aren't alone. Nights are usually the hardest. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Have you ever written to someone without seeking a date?
Posted: 8/25/2007 8:44:15 AM
I have developed a wonderful friendship with a guy much younger than me and several states away. I saw one of his posts, looked at his profile, and then sent him an email telling him how much I liked his post and his sense of humor on his profile. I really wasn't looking for a reply, but he did.

Since then, we have exchanged many wonderful emails and have developed a very dear friendship. There was never the expectation of eventually dating, but once we started talking we both realized the potential for a great, satisfying, and lasting friendship. Looking at our profiles, we seem to be totally opposite people, but we share the same sense of humor and passion for writing. I am astounded at how much we do have in common since we began talking. Our conversations are sometimes off the wall, but always leave me laughing and make my day seem brighter. His friendship and his openness have come to mean alot to me and I would never have had a chance to get to know him if it weren't for POF.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Rest of your life...
Posted: 8/20/2007 11:54:08 AM
Medium-rare grilled sirloin steak with sauteed onions and mushrooms, coconut shrimp, garlic mashed potatoes, a broccoli-cauliflower-brussel sprouts-asparugus-snow peas medley in a light butter sauce, fried green tomatoes, fresh garden tomatoes, cheesy bread, pecan pie with caramel pretzel ice cream, and unsweet ice tea over tons of ice.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
How do you make your omlet?
Posted: 8/20/2007 10:42:39 AM
I start with three eggs and add a little milk and a little oil (tbsp. each). Whisk till frothy. Pour into a preheated, lightly oiled pan on medium heat. Cover with pan lid. When the top of the omelet is "set" and no longer runny, I sprinkle shredded mozzerella cheese, a slice of american cheese, some chopped onion and gr. pepper, cooked broccoli, chopped tomatoes, and crumbled bacon over one side of the omelet. Season with salt to taste. Then fold the other side of the omelet over top of the all the ingredients, turn down to low heat, place pan lid back on pan and let warm until cheeses have melted; only takes a couple minutes. You can also slide it on a dish and microwave it for one minute to melt the cheeses instead. (I've even thrown cooked asparugus and cauliflower in at times.) My family loves this recipe.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
children come first always
Posted: 8/19/2007 11:30:56 AM

Being a single Mom to my 2 kids thru their pre-teens and up, I think there is a happy medium! In our lives, God should come first, your spouse second and your children next.

I am in NO way stating that children should be placed on the back burner or ignored! In any relationship the thread to holding together a family or even a blended family is the relationship between the parents. Remember: "Children live what they learn"! They will see Mom & Dad (or step-parent) and know the bond between the adults and the love that was shared between all family members. It is automatically passed right down to the children.


I agree wholeheartedly, and the key is to find a partner who feels the same way. Someone said in an earlier post that it is impossible to love someone's children as if they were your own. Wrong! I was a second wife twice. Both times, I took the time to get to know their children and came to love them as my own. They are grown now, and even though their fathers are no longer in my life, they still call me mom. And yes, their own mothers are still a part of their lives. I had one of my step-daughters tell me that I have been more of a mother to her than her own mother. Saying that no one can love a child as their own if they did not bring them into this world is foolish. Look at all the adoptions out there by people who love and raise a child they did not birth.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 226 (view)
 
Do women still like guys who sing to them?
Posted: 8/19/2007 8:12:58 AM
I have to agree, I like it when a man sings...even if it isn't directly toward me. IE. singing with the radio, or just singing to himself. I don't even care if his singing is bad. LOL Shows me he is comfortable being himself and can loosen up alittle.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Nude Babies And Small Children.
Posted: 8/19/2007 6:15:24 AM
When my children were small I let them run around naked in the house for an hour or so every day, usually after a bath. It helped to keep them in their clothes when I dressed them, but more importantly, it gave their lil bottoms time to air out. It helps to eliminate the opportunity for diaper rash, and helps to get rid of it if it starts. Especially important for my daughter (and later my granddaughter), because baby girls tend to get yeast infections easily and doctors will tell you than giving their bottoms some air time helps to dramatically decrease both. As long as it is in the privacy of my home and I am watching what they are doing while they are naked, I don't see a problem with it...in fact, it can be quite healthy.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 67 (view)
 
All she wants to do is watch porn,have sex ,watch sports and drink beer
Posted: 8/18/2007 5:24:34 AM
When I saw the who started this thread, I knew it was gonna be hilarious before I even clicked on it. LMAO. I wasn't disappointed.

I think you should throw her a surprise party by inviting her 10 friends over and make sure you "start the party" way before she gets there. Wait, scratch that, invite 10 women over that she doesn't know and start the party before she gets there. That way, she can have 10 new friends to get to 'know'! So thoughtful of ya. Even better, video tape all the festivities up until she arrives. Wrap it up in a bow, and leave it in her car while she's at work as a surprise. She'll love that you thought of her and realize how much you care. (Bonus points if you leave a case of beer with the tape. Shows you care and you're willing to spend big bucks on her too!)

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Does this make me odd lol (scared to hear the responses)
Posted: 8/16/2007 6:41:20 PM
Hey Debi! If I still lived in Michigan, I'd look you up! NOBODY down here seems to have even heard of euchre! LOL I really miss it! Guess it must be a northern thing...hahaha.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Hey la, Hey laaaaa, my boyfriends back!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:16:04 PM
Oh darn! I saw the hey la, and thought you were calling my name dang it! I was actually quite flattered there for a second.


There has been one woman in my life where I still wonder, on rare occasions!!, where she is, how she is etc


Yes, me too. The love of my life throughout highschool (and my first love) moved out of state with his family just after the beginning of our senior year. I still wonder about him. Where is he, how is he, what is he doing, what kind of person did he marry, did he have kids and how many (he loved little kids even then), etc. I even whisper a 'happy birthday' to him every year on his birthday. He was a great guy and at this point, I would love just to know that he has had a happy and healthy life.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Breaking the Cycle.
Posted: 8/16/2007 1:00:15 PM
Wild4romance....been there, done that, and survived. Hang in there and stay strong, it does get better....but the road getting there can be rough for awhile. A If you need encouragement, feel free to contact me. I truly know how you feel.

I can relate with the OP and with Wild, and all the other's who have faced abuse in their lives. I wish I could go into my experiences with DV, but it would take a whole book to say what I want to say. People can make judgements or they can sympathize til the cows come home, but no one will ever understand until they have been there.

Thumbs up to all those of us who have been in the pits of hell and made it out alive with our sanity still intact!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Daddy Daycare
Posted: 8/16/2007 12:43:14 PM
If he is a good dad, in that he does a good job of taking care of his son when he has him, then he may have been joking when he called it Daddy Daycare. It does not necessarily have to have a negative connotation...and depends on how he said it, to whom, and in what context.

I know as a mom, there have been times that I have called my children 'heathens' or my 'little monsters', etc., when I was frustrated, worn out, and frazzled while talking to one of my friends. Did that mean I didn't care about them, didn't love them, or didn't want to be bothered with them? No. As parents, we all do it at some point.

I say, if he is a responsible and loving father to his child whenever he is around him, just blow it off. Alot of moms out there have to deal with far worse fathers than him.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Fishie hooked, have questions.....
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:52:05 AM
If you are really worried about running out of conversation, think of some activity you can do together there. Is there an interesting historical attraction close to where you are meeting? A museum, putt-putt golf course, anything that would be fun, casual, and entertaining that you could easily suggest if the conversation starts to drag?

A long time back, I started talking to a guy who mentioned that he liked to play chess. I used to play chess with my father when I was a kid...but had forgotten alot about the art of the game. For our first date, we also met at a park and had a chess challenge! It was fun, kept the conversation going, allowed for pauses of comfortable silence at times, gave us a unique memory to look back on and laugh about later, and took alot of pressure and nervousness off of both of us. For the record....as hard as he tried not to, he still whooped my butt! haha! On the other hand, I learned some pretty cool moves and tricks from him. And we still did a whole lot of talking throughout the date. It also gave me a chance to assess other areas of his personality that just talking wouldn't have brought out.... ie. sportsmanship, patience, logic, etc.

I'm sure you will be talking to her plenty before your meeting. Is there an activity that the two of you enjoy that you can do at the park together?

Good luck...I hope it works out wonderfully for the both you.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Have you ICE. your cell phone?
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:07:37 PM
It is a great idea.

I have a friend who works at Verizon. His last name is Queen. When ICE first came out, he put his wife's name in his cell phone as his ICE contact. She was looking for a number in his cell phone one day and noticed that it said ICE- Queen, (her name). She starts crying, takes the phone and throws it at him at hard as she can, screaming, "OMG!!! Why would you call me an ICE QUEEN on your cell phone?!!!!" I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes when he told me.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Ladies, please explain what this means..
Posted: 8/14/2007 3:38:14 PM
Well if he can do it...so can I!!!!

Bosoxx will you marry me?

Hahahahaha!!!!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
erratic behaviour from a mystery woman
Posted: 8/14/2007 12:08:12 PM
First let me say, I read your profile and ALL of your post (hehehe) and for only being 26, I think you are one very well put together, intelligent, and thoughtful guy. (I have three kids right at your age and I couldn't imagine them writing a profile or a post half as well as you have...and I'm their adoring mother!!)

However, the girl is gorgeous in her pics, already runs her own business at the age of 26, is still a virgin, has decided she's falling in love with you after just two phone calls even though she has never let any other man in her life get close to her before, has exactly the same goals and dreams as yourself (surprise!) AND she chose you based on "two half-assed lines on HoN" and "a pic of me without a shirt".

Repeat after me... IF IT SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE...IT PROBABLY IS!

YES, she played you... but the reality is that she is the one who is way, way out of YOUR league.

Now that you know what to look out for....shrug it off as an inexpensive, minimally painful, but well learned lesson and get back out there and play nicely.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/13/2007 12:26:35 PM
As a fellow single father, I do understand what the OP is talking about. Allot of women I meet find it really neat at first that I'm a single dad. I become that instant safe person to take home to meet the parents type thing. Has a job... Able to show he can take his responsibilites... blah blah... But then after a few times of actually realizing they are not, nor will they ever be, the most important in my life. And will always take a back seat to my son. They start to pull away.


I have heard sooooooo many parents say "my kids are my life, my kids come first and always will...so accept it or move on." I guess I look at this statement differently from most. It sounds like a great thought from a parent's point of view, but to my mind the thinking is a little convoluted.

I am a single parent; I've raised four kids by myself (father died when they were small). As a single parent, I've dated single fathers and single men. Both come with potential issues. When dating a single man, there is the question of is he willing and capable of handling a ready made family? When dating a single father, is he willing to add more responsibility to his life... and can the two families be united as one? Can both parents treat all the kids fairly and lovingly? I have never told any of the guys I've dated that they were, and always would be, second in my life. Think about it! Who wants to go into a relationship knowing they will always be second? I wouldn't!

My concern has always been that the person I am with loves my children as though they were his own and has their best interests at heart. That does not usually happen overnight and it takes some time to be able to totally trust someone with my children, but usually there is some indication right off the bat whether he can accept and grow to love my kids. If he is a single father, the same goes for his children when it comes to me. Eventually all of the kids will be grown and out on their own. If I fall in love with a wonderful man and get remarried before all the children have left the coop and have told him from the start that he will ALWAYS be second...where does that leave him when the nest is empty? I have dated many men who were wonderful to me, but only tolerated my kids. It is the man who is wonderful to me and wonderful to my kids that is the keeper. Yes, those guys are out there. (And the kids intuitively know who truly cares about them. So listen to your kids!!!)

Also, would you honestly tell your spouse "Sorry, but now that this child of ours is born, you are second and will always come second...so get over it or get lost!" ????? I don't think so!

If I ever get remarried again, my partner will become number one in my life ...just as if I were still married to my children's biological father. However, that will NOT happen until I have found someone who has proven over time that my kids are just as loved and important to him as they would be if he had brought them into this world. Until then, yes, my kids will remain my number one priority... but I am not going to announce to a guy I am considering a serious relationship with that he will always be second!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I Have Some Single Parent Issues
Posted: 8/12/2007 4:08:40 PM
I forgot to mention that in most cases, if you qualify for welfare...they will also help you find daycare, a job, or training. And some cases, they will even help you find your own housing.

Also, look in the phone book for 'Legal Aid'. They can give you free legal advice.

If you need a friend to talk to...feel free to contact me.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I Have Some Single Parent Issues
Posted: 8/12/2007 4:02:02 PM
I agree completely with Wullis. Great advice!!!!

Speaking from experience... the first person to apply for custody is the person who gets to keep the kids until the issue is settled in court. Until then, he has every right to walk up to the kids and grab them. There will be nothing you can do about it. SO FILE FOR CUSTODY IMMEDIATELY!!!

Take the kids pics off the internet. As he said, it could be used against you in more ways than one!

Be extremely careful how you spend your time, what you do with the kids, how they are taken care of, etc. He could try to prove you an unfit mother, whether its true or not. Don't give him ammunition to use against you. And be ready to prove otherwise, just in case.

Be careful but play nice. I have seen several friends and family members who remained calm, played by the rules before the rules were even set, and didn't let the other party get them angry (at least not in court or where it could be documented). 99% of the time, the courts leaned in their favor in nasty custody disputes.

Get out the phone book and look up agencies, churches, and support groups for single parents. They are there to help!!! Apply for welfare....it is not a shame to get help when you really need it! They will also help you start the paperwork for child support.

By all means, file for the restraining order NOW. Do not wait until it is too late. Better safe than sorry.

Document ANYTHING that you think might support your case. Not just his irresponsible behavior, but your responsible behavior too. Better too much than not enough.

Good luck!!!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is this wrong of me?
Posted: 8/12/2007 3:18:00 PM
I don't think its unreasonable either. If this is her first night without you, it could get a little rough. Better to be careful and close by if needed. And the fact that he is understanding and willing to comply says volumes for him.

Glad things are going so well for you, him, and your daughter.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Share Your Most Embarrassing Moment on a Date!!!
Posted: 8/12/2007 8:11:42 AM
KarenCareBear reminded me of another date!

It wasn't our first date. We were at the mall window shopping. I was standing next to him and we were leaning over a glass case, looking at some watches. Suddenly, he stands straight up, looks at me, and says, "What the h*ll!". He looks down to see both of my hands resting on the glass case and suddenly turns bright red. (Mind you, he is a 6'4, 300 lb. black man.) I look over and see a black woman standing on the other side of him, still looking down into the case, with her hand slid down the back of his pants. (I'm talking under the underwear and cupping his butt cheeks!) She looks up and realizes that it is not her husband standing next her and she turns bright red! In the meantime, her hubby has been standing in the doorway watching and he is doubled over, busting a gut. Tears were coming to his eyes. (In her defense, they were both the same height, build, and wearing essentially the same type of clothing.) She quickly removed her hand and apologized profusely. We all had a good laugh and of course, I had to tease him the rest of the date. It was just too funny! He later became my husband...but that's another story.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Child Support Level vs. Non-Custodials Income
Posted: 8/10/2007 12:55:51 PM
In the U.S., child support is usually set at 1/3 of the non-custodial parent's income. There are some exceptions of course.

From what I have read on all the different threads, is it possible that the low percentage of income set in Canada is because a parent can receive child support from more than one person for the same child? In the U.S., a parent can only receive child support from the biological or adoptive parent. Imagine if someone received 33% of the income of two or more people. They would probably never have to work! Personally, I don't agree with forcing someone who is not the child's parent to pay child support. I can see why men in Canada are reluctant to get into a serious relationship with a single mother.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
dining scam
Posted: 8/7/2007 9:13:15 PM
Wildflower...the quote in the box was not my post. I was only responding to it.

However, I did say earlier that I think the person who asks is the one who should pay. I have been on many dinner dates in my life and have never had any problems either. Even though there was no 'romantic' clicking happening on most of them, I still had a good time. I've only been on one dinner date recently (the first in a few years), and yes, I enjoyed spending time with him very much. No, he was not from POF. I wouldn't think of agreeing to dinner (or lunch) though, if I knew I could not afford to pay for my own meal. I assume that I will right up until he tells me he would like to pay for it. That way, I don't have to worry about any embarrassing situations happening in the first place and I can concentrate on relaxing and enjoying the evening. Now if I am the one who asks a guy out, I fully intend to pay for everything and I let them know that ahead of time ... but usually, they will still insist on paying.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
dining scam
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:07:37 PM
I post this every time a thread starts talking about dutch dating, and invariably people will start saying "Whoever asks, should pay." Maybe in real life (and I don't even know about that), but on Interent dating sites everyone who has a profile is "asking" for a date.


Well, yes, I did say that...but then again, I haven't been on a date with anyone from here, so real life is all I know. On the other hand, even when a guy has done the asking, I have always made sure I could at least afford to pay for my own dinner...just in case.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Returning To School At Age 60! Did You Go Back Later in Life?
Posted: 8/7/2007 5:58:57 PM
I went to college after highschool...then dropped out. Got married, had kids, and suddenly I was a widow. So I went back to college and got a degree in computer science at 32. Now I am back again at 49 and finally a senior this year. I am getting my B.A. in Business Management this time and so far, I have a 4.0 GPA. I also work full time at the same college that I attend. I have noticed that the older 'non-traditional' students generally do much better than the younger ones. We are usually more serious about our education, more willing to buckle down and do the homework, and I think our past experiences help us to relate better to the material and concepts presented in the classes.

Congratulations! It can be very exhausting and exhilarating at the same, but well worth it! I am sure you will do well.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
dining scam
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:52:17 AM
I'm really sorry you've had such experiences. What amazes me even more is that she had the gall to tell you that she is basically a mooch. I have to admit, when I go out on a dinner date the guy has nearly always insisted on paying. I am old fashioned in that I believe if he is the one who asks me out, then it is his responsibility to pay. If I ask him, then I am prepared to pay. Almost always, my date will insist on paying; even to the point of telling me that it would be rude and make him feel uncomfortable if I paid for dinner. I don't mind if he always pay, but I don't want to earn a reputation for being a mooch either. Besides, sometimes I like being the one who has planned and provided a wonderful, relaxing evening and meal.

This woman is a scam artist. I would suggest that if this should ever happen again, when the bill comes you tell her that you plan to pay for the evening's meal only. Her meal for the next day is her responsibility. Then get the heck away from her as fast as possible. People like that have no consideration for others. Its not cute and it gives those of us who are respectful and have manners a bad image.

What's her name? What's her address? Maybe I need to go have a little 'CHAT' with her on behalf of all us decent women!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Does their sun sign affect your interest level?
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:41:50 PM
Yes, the constellations we know today are the same as in ancient times. The zodiac belt and the zodiac signs are not the same thing. The zodiac belt is the band of constellations through which the Sun, Moon, and planets move during their ellipses. This is what the pyramids where based on, and what the Incas and other ancient civilizations based their time and measurements on. However, because of the constant expansion of the universe and the procession of the equinoxes, the map of the night sky has altered over time, and the portion of sky occupied by each of the astrological zodiac signs no longer corresponds to that of the constellations. The astrological zodiac is based on the alignment of the stars and planets in the sky over 2,000 years ago, around 500 b.c., when the zodiac signs were originally established.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Share Your Most Embarassing Moment on a Date!!!
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:46:34 PM
Ok, I'm game. My most embarrassing moment on a date happened when I was 21. My date took me to meet his family. His mother and I were in the kitchen cooking dinner, waiting for the rest of his relatives who were scheduled to show up any minute. I had bought a new pair of skin tight jeans, which I was wearing that day. (Back then, I didn't wear underwear because I didn't like the panty lines under my jeans.) His mother, who was an Avon dealer, asked me if I had ever tried this new handcream that had just come out. I said no, so she goes and gets a tube so I can sample it. Well she accidentally drops the tube of handcream and being the sweet, considerate girl I am, I bend down to pick it up for her. I hear a loud rip, reach back, and discover the back of my jeans have ripped...all the way from the waistband on down. I am mortified! I try to stand up quickly; as I do, I step back with one foot and step on the tube of hand cream. The cap shoots off and hits the refrigerator door, then ricochets off onto the floor. The handcream in the tube squirts out all over his mother's dress pants and down on the floor. Just then, his father walks into the kitchen, steps on the cap and proceeds to slide across the kitchen, with his arms flailing about, until he runs smack into a wall and crumples to the floor. As this all happens within a matter of seconds, I am still in the process of trying to stand up when I hear a sound behind me. I turn around to find his grandparents, his brother's family, and one of his aunts all standing frozen in the doorway staring at my bare bottom. OMG!!!

Needless to say, I have never left the house without wearing panties since that day!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Best places to meet people after 45
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:45:32 PM
LOL at all the references to Walmart. I have a Walmart story that happened two weeks ago. I went to do some grocery shopping. While I was standing in the check out line, I heard a male voice behind me ask if I had found everything I came for. I replied 'yes, thank you' and turned around to find a man I had passed in several of the aisles. He wasn't bad looking but several inches shorter than me and probably a few years younger. We made small talk for a few minutes as we waited to checkout. He eventually told me his name, where he lived and what he did for a living, etc.. He asked me if I was married. I said no. Then he asked me if I would be interested in having dinner with him sometime. At first I was surprised and amused. I suddenly realized that I hadn't been passing him in all those aisles accidentally! It took a lot of guts to come up to me and ask me out. I admired that. So I said sure, 'let me give you my card with my number and you can call me later.' As I turned around to get a business card out of my purse....I heard him mumble, "That's ok, maybe we will bump into each other again some time." And then he walked away!!!

Guys, if you're going to ask a woman out ... it helps if you at least wait long enough to get her number!

On a positive note: At least I haven't been hanging around the phone wondering why he hasn't bothered to call.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Does their sun sign affect your interest level?
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:07:59 PM
Some food for thought here... The zodiac was set over two thousand years ago, and it was based upon the relationship of the distances between the stars and planets and how they were aligned with each other at that time. Back then, it was believed that the stars and planets were 'set' in their places on an orbit around the earth. We now know that none of that is actually true. Everyone knows that in our galaxy, the planets orbit the sun not the earth. Anyone who has studied astronomy knows that the universe is in a state of constant expansion, which means that the stars are constantly moving away from each other and the distance in between them is constantly getting larger.

In other words, the stars and planets are not in the same places they were when the zodiac was established, and never will be again. Therefore, your zodiac sign is not really your zodiac sign. Best estimates are that the zodiac is off by anywhere from a month to two months. As the world continues to age, it will continue to be off by more and more time.

I do not believe in the zodiac myself, so I don't base my perception of others on their sign. I have a sister and a brother who's birthdays fall within two weeks of mine. We are all the same sign and yet none of us are alike in our thinking, personalities, goals, or temperment. I would give much more creedence to 'birth order' than I would to zodiac signs. There are so many variables that make each one of us who we are that it is impossible to use any one variable to determine who a person is without getting to know them as an inidividual.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
 
whats the thing with hun
Posted: 8/2/2007 4:28:59 PM
I live in the south now, where calling people hun is a pretty normal thing. I don't do it a whole lot myself, but it doesn't bother me when others do. It is much better than some other names they could use! (Personally, I like to save the hun for my 'honey'. ) It also depends on HOW they say it...such as a condescending, "Now, let me tell you something HUN....", does not go over well with me.

However, I do agree that if it bothers you to casually be called hun, you politely let a person know it bothers you and ask them to use your name, and they STILL continue to call you hun, they are being inconsiderate and deserve whatever type of 'sendoff ' they get!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 153 (view)
 
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 8/2/2007 3:24:46 PM
Good Lord!!! The woman had a hectic schedule for two weeks....TWO WEEKS!!! Not two months, two years....just two weeks. Are all of you going to tell me you have never, EVER, had a short period of time where there were suddenly too many things to do in too little time? Have none of you never, EVER, taken a vacation or made plans or gotten involved in anything because someone MIGHT suddenly come into your life and you needed to keep a slot of time open for them in case they did. Are you really going to put the rest of the people in your life on hold because someone you went out with once needs your attention and can't get along without it for two weeks? Give her a break! Is he that impatient, needy, and immature that he couldn't wait TWO WEEKS for another date? Be for real! It isn't like she blew him off and didn't explain her schedule to him. If he is that insecure and demanding of your time now, when he barely knows you, how do you suppose he would act if you actually became a couple?

I think his response was uncalled for, rude, and extremely childish. If you are looking for a gentleman with class and understanding...he is NOT the one for you. Let him go throw his temper tantrum elsewhere. You don't need a grownup "child" to take care of too. Especially one you barely even know.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 155 (view)
 
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:41:50 PM

It seems like many people think weight shouldn't matter or a man is shallow if he doesn't date fat women.


The problem is not that a person is not attracted to someone because of their weight ( or some other physical attribute.) The problem is when they refuse to even acknowledge that you exist because of your weight. When they ignore any thing you say and continue to talking to else everyone around, when they act like they've never seen you before and never remember your name when you've been hanging out in the same group for months or years, when you say hello and they look at you like you're a disgusting bug and walk away without a word, they are simply being rude and a jerk. I have had all those things happen to me before. More than once. Now I am 'acceptable' to them and they want to flirt? I have no interest. Not wanting to date someone who is overweight is fine and understandable, but it doesn't give anyone the right to be downright rude to an overweight person. Yes, people CAN do something about their weight and appearance ...I did and I am still am. Which was exactly my point.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 152 (view)
 
dating an overweight person?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:07:07 PM
Well, I have to say...I am surprised and impressed with the number of men who have said yes to this topic. It certainly hits close to home with me.

There was a time in my life when I weighed over 330 lbs. I was miserable, depressed, and tired of being 'used' by men, so I gave up and quit caring about myself for a long time. There were a lot of men who wouldn't even acknowledge I existed when I was enormously obese. They refused to even be friends. One day I woke up and realized what I had done to myself and vowed to make a change for ME. To date, I have lost over 150 lbs. I've lost 20 lbs. so far this year, and plan to be down another 20 lbs. by next summer. No surgery, no pills; I am doing it the long, hard way. I have 40 lbs left to go to get to where I want to be. I still get overlooked by alot of men who see where I am, do not know where I've been, and can't see where I'm going. THEIR LOSS!! I also have men who used to ignore me and look down on me, trying to flirt with me now. They don't even realize they once knew me. LOL Now I look at them and think...they aren't good enough for me! I am far from being conceited, I know I still have a ways to go, but if you treated me like dirt when I was extremely heavy, you can bet that I'm not going to give you the time of day now. And that goes for the men now who see the 40 lbs I still have to lose and dismiss me as a human being. I try to be kind to everyone I meet because I have learned from experience that you never know who that person you have deemed a 'loser', based on their physical appearance, is going to turn out to be someday in the future. Your comments and actions may very well come back to bite you one day. LOL

On a side note, when I got down to around 250 lbs I met a man who was crazy about me. He loved my weight and got VERY upset when I continued to lose weight. He tried everything he could to not only keep me from losing any more weight, but to gain weight back! These days, I ask anyone who is seriously interested in dating me if they would still be willing to be with me if I gained or lost 40 lbs. If the answer is no in either direction, he is not the person for me. Accept me for who I am on the inside, because this body is still a work in progress!!!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Pedicures
Posted: 7/31/2007 4:37:27 AM
I get my nails done regularly, but I give myself a pedicure once a month. I keep my toenails trimmed and polished year round. I love to wear sandals, and I wear two gold toe rings and a gold ankle bracelet that I haven't taken off since I bought them ten years ago.

For my last birthday a couple of my co-workers bought me a gift certificate for a pedicure. The woman who did my pedicure was a little rough; we spent about five minutes arguing over how long/short I wanted my toenails and the shape (when I was a kid I had ingrown toenails that needed surgery, so I have been VERY careful about how short and what shape I cut them ever since); she didn't like the color of polish I picked out (a pale, shimmery pink) and kept trying to get me to pick something brighter. SMH It's just much easier (and cheaper!) to do them myself.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Was I a jerk?
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:23:41 PM
In my opinion...no. You would have been a jerk if you had:
a. Simply not shown up....a lot of guys would have done that and not thought twice about it.
b. Loaded eight people in your vehicle and risked everyone's lives.
c. Not offered an alternative to going to the beach. I thought that was very nice of you and very poor of them to kick you to the curb.

The woman sounds like she's a few fries short of a happy meal. What is she doing in the bar every weekend if she has six young kids at home? WHY does she not have a vehicle with six young kids at home? Is she even working to help support her kids? And finally, what kind of responsible mother takes her kids on a trip with a man she barely knows, and gets mad when he refuses to drive illegally or to put her children's life in danger?

Be glad you used your head and got out of there in one piece!
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 125 (view)
 
women on this site are kidding themselves
Posted: 7/27/2007 4:04:06 PM
[Guys: if there are 5 times as many men on this site as there are women, and these women are STILL saying that they can't find the right type of guy, what does this really say about the women on this site, hmm?]

It says that most of the men are chasing after the few young and "hottie" women and the rest of us are wondering where all the decent men are!

[The problem with dating sites is women are getting loads of messages every day telling them how wonderful they are so they start getting ideas above their station.]

Loads of messages every day? Telling us how wonderful we are? Maybe...if you're one of those young or "hottie" women.

Maybe, just maybe, everyone should lay off the mudslinging and take a look at who YOU are pursing and/or rejecting. Don't complain about the women/men who reject you, if you are rejecting women/men who don't measure up to the 'perfect woman/man'.

There are actually several answers to this dilemma, if you are really serious about finding someone...anyone.
1. Lower your standards and expectations instead of expecting other to lower theirs. Plenty of people on the rung below you who would be thrilled to get your attention. (Not my cup of tea, but it might be yours if you're in a hurry to get hooked up as soon as possible)

2. Change who you are to fit the needs of the kind of person you want. Imagine the type of person you would like to attract and then work on becoming the type of person that will attract them. And if you have alot of changing to do, half way is not good enough. Don't start complaining they don't notice until you are ACTUALLY there!

3. Realize that if you are sincerely looking for that one true love, Mr. or Ms. Right for you, then you are better off to be bypassed by the 279874398348754 people out there who are NOT the one you are looking for. (This applies to friendships too.) Makes it much easier to see the one wh0 is right for you when they come along.

So ask yourself: Are you looking for quality or quantity? Are you more interested in finding 'Ms. Right Now ' then waiting for 'Ms. Right'? It's all in the perspective.
 LaAcesa
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
An all too familiar predicament... and how to overcome it?
Posted: 7/27/2007 1:44:53 PM
Ok, so I'm an older woman now. Not sure when that happened... but one thing I have noticed is that I no longer attract the attention I did when I was in my 20s and 30s, and even early 40s. Most of the attention I do get is from males younger than my own kids (early 20s) who want an older woman to "tutor" them in the bedroom (yuck! I didn't tutor my own kids, and I'm not gonna tutor you!) or men in their late 60s looking for a younger woman! Haha! Ok, so I'm not gorgeous, skinny, young, or naive anymore but I'm really not looking for another child or a father.

I did want to relay something that happened to me just a few days ago. I was in a store doing some grocery shopping. While I was standing in the check out line, I heard a male voice behind me ask if I had found everything I came for. I replied 'yes, thank you' and turned around to find a man I had passed in several aisles. He wasn't bad looking but several inches shorter than me and probably a few years younger. We made small talk for a few minutes as he told me where he lived and what he did for a living. He asked me if I was married. I said no. Then he asked me if I would be interested in having dinner with him sometime. At first I was surprised and amused. I suddenly realized that I hadn't been passing him in the aisles accidentally. It took guts to come up to me and ask me out. I admired that. So I said sure, 'let me give you my card with my number and you can call me later.' As I turned around to get a business card out of my purse....I heard him mumble, "That's ok, maybe we will bump into each other again some time." And then he walked away!!!

I'm still not sure whether to be flattered or annoyed, but I am definitely confused! LOL
 
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