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 Author Thread: pick up lines
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
pick up lines
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:40:54 PM
Prob'ly the best one I heard (and I actually used it on my ex... which is prob'ly why she's now my ex) was, "Did you just fart? 'Cause you blew me away."
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Funny, but real names...
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:13:52 PM

there's a doctors office here in town (no kiding), the guy's last name is Butt


Is he a proctologist?
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Funny, but real names...
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:13:33 PM
My first Squadron Commander in the US Air Force was (no kidding) Major Wood. I still have a copy of orders with his rank and name on them.
Also a Dr my dad use to see was an Asian man named Wong-sic-hong.
My former mother-in-law met a lady who called her daughter Female (pronounced fee-mall-ay); she said it was the name the hospital gave her. Ya can't make this stuff up people...
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
This is cool
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:40:08 PM
spelin suks

Note to the short message typing people like me: Messages this short may not be posted
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Questions to ponder....
Posted: 12/28/2007 3:17:51 PM

why is the letters in"santa" when scrambled become "satan"


Have you heard of the dislexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
irish humour!!
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:12:45 PM
A lot of these jokes would be alot funnier with punctuation. The humor is killed when the joke apears to be just one long run on sentence.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
HURRAY FOR THE IRISH
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:00:30 PM

irish man goes to a klu klux klan fancy dress party as al jolsen

Who the what? Can some one explain that to all the NON-kkk members in the room, please?
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Questions to ponder....
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:14:55 PM

If you put your 2 cents in and it's a penny for your thoughts... where does that other penny go??

Cost of overhead, lol

why does womens privates smell of fish
and a mans smell of cheese....

Good one, you'd think either the womans would smell like ham, or the mans would smell like chips... ham and cheese/fish and chips makes sence.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
changing of quebec stop signs
Posted: 11/11/2007 10:31:41 PM
Okay, can someone please explain it to the NON-Canadians in the room?
(If there are any POF admin people reading this, we could seriously use a :confused: icon)
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
more funny thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2007 11:22:18 PM
Why do they call it a HIGHway when it's illegal to drive DRUNK?
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
fishing?
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:43:54 PM
Definately liked the original better.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
LOOK UP YOUR BIRTHDAY AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:25:49 PM
I didn't see Feb 29 on the list, I guess I'm just an oddball... lol
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Doctor Stories
Posted: 11/9/2007 8:48:43 PM
My grandma, her 2 sisters and some friends were at a resteraunt one evening when, unexpectedly, my grandma's Dr. came into the resteraunt with his wife. The doc was, of course, dressed in casual wear as opposed to the scrubs my grandmother was used to seeing him in. When the doc noticed Grandma, being the gentleman Dr. that he was, he came over to say hi. When Grandma realized who he was, without thinking she blurted out, "Dr. (name)! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
meanest thing you heard or say
Posted: 11/9/2007 8:28:57 PM
Are you campaining to be the next poster child for birth control?
Did you have a bowl of stupid for breakfast?
Your proctologist called, he found your head.
If you're gonna refuse to remove your head from your rectum, you might try windexing your plexiglass belly button once in a while.
Your lab reports came back positive for cranal-analitus.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Ladies first meeting
Posted: 11/7/2007 3:30:38 AM
^^^And women actually think that's cool? Ok... mental note to try that on my next first meet.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Books never written
Posted: 11/6/2007 9:23:51 PM
'Revenge of the Tiger' by Claude Balls
'Holes in the Matress' by Mr. Completely
'The Virgin' by Gutentite
'Stains on the Walls' by Hu Flung Cum
'Rage of the Red River' by Max E. Padd
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Military Boys
Posted: 11/6/2007 7:03:31 PM
Kingneck, good point. Usually those fresh out of basic, or bootcamp, tend to have the big head "I'm a (insert military branch here)" attitude and usually end up finding out what it's all about after they get to their first base.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Military Boys
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:55:02 PM
In mho, I think 9 to 9 pretty much summed up the answer. I can't think of much to add to what he already said. Military guys (and gals for that matter) may be perceived as "jerks" by some who don't fully understand the aspect of the role of the military. It's our job to be hard because softness could get us and those around us killed. Sometimes this role spills over into our everyday lives because it's not an easy thing to let go of once it's been drilled into us. It takes much more discipline to be able to drop everything at the door when you leave "work" and pick it up again when you come back than it does to carry it with you when it's become a part of you. And the training we receive does become a part of us. Especially after we've had to use it in a real world situation.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Do you check us out?
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:02:45 PM
Oriole, I love reading your posts. Most of what you have to say is insightful and humorous, but:
<< am grown, not giving up my warped sence of humor to appear more mature and sufisticated, however it's spelled. If the time comes that I need to be serious and mature I will be; however, in this case, I see no need for maturity and thus will continue with my childish chuckles at things such as farts, poop and boobies.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Your mama is SO fat.....
Posted: 11/6/2007 5:49:13 PM
^^^Um, what??!!!
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Favourite blond jokes
Posted: 11/6/2007 12:43:55 AM
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave at her.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Put her in a round room and tell her to stand in the corner.

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow...
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I looked at her. She looked at me. She looked at her boobs.
Posted: 11/6/2007 12:28:01 AM
When I catch someone checking me out (rare) I sometimes wonder what they're looking at so I check my fly to make sure I remembered to zip up. lol
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Do you check us out?
Posted: 11/6/2007 12:10:24 AM

you piss out of your penis and you probably expect somebody to put it in her mouth some time, don't you?

That's totally her choice, but I won't let her unless it's clean.

Butts are to me as boobs are to men

I've never seen anyone poop out of her boobs.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The Aging Manual
Posted: 11/5/2007 11:11:38 PM
An all nighter means not getting up to pee.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Your mama is SO fat.....
Posted: 11/5/2007 10:51:27 PM
Yo momma's so fat, she fell on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washingtons nose.

Ok, a little gross, but oh well...
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Do you check us out?
Posted: 11/5/2007 8:47:31 PM
Never understood why women like behinds.

Me too. You know we fart and poop out of those don't ya? And they tend to get all sweaty in the crack when we're working.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What do you consider CHEATING?
Posted: 11/5/2007 8:30:40 PM
Cheating is not just what YOU view as cheating, it's also what your SO views as cheating. Would s/he be ok with what you're doing? Would you be ok if s/he was doing the same?
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What do you look for on first contact
Posted: 11/2/2007 1:40:50 AM
I've found that, unlike a lot of other sites, the ladies of POF are quite particular on who they respond to. Spend some time in the forums and let some of the "veteran" POFers get to know you. Believe me it will help.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Qualifications for a Redneck
Posted: 11/1/2007 8:52:18 PM
If you've got a home that's mobile and 14 cars that ain't.

The gun rack in the back window is worth more than your truck.

If your Christmas present to your wife last year was 4 new mud grips and a lift kit (or some parts to a Mustang GT, lol)
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 51 (view)
 
BUMPER STICKERS
Posted: 11/1/2007 8:46:53 PM
5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.

I see dumb people.

Procrastinators unite... tomorrow.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Qualifications for a Redneck
Posted: 11/1/2007 6:33:35 PM

When your daddy sits on you on the open tailgate to point out the squirrels so he can shoot them with a BB gun.

TRUE story

Your dad sat on you?
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Posted: 10/31/2007 11:41:47 PM
It just seemed easier than flying, assuming the chicken walked.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Qualifications for a Redneck
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:19:48 PM
If your dad walks you to school 'cause you're in the same grade.

If you've ever had to move a transmission so your wife could take a bath.

If you've ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why do women give abusive ex's another chance?
Posted: 10/29/2007 3:01:35 AM
Stockholm is when someone is kidnapped or something of that nature and sympathyses with their captor. Not the same thing.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Should I shave my head?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:32:10 AM
I tried showing a girl my insides once, but rather than actually cut myself open I just got a bucket of chit'lins. I figured they looked about the same. She wasn't impressed... j/k
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why do women give abusive ex's another chance?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:21:41 AM
Seems as tho alot of women see nice guys as having "wuss" qualities and subconsciously stick them in the dreaded friend zone with a life sentence.
This chick sounds like a classic case of what psychologists call the "honeymoon syndrome." Things are going great in the beginning (known as the honeymoon period), then the guy gets abusive for whatever reason and the girl leaves. The guy then realizes he's losing her, has a change of heart, talks things over with the girl, makes a bunch of empty promises (that may be legit at the time, but without a total lifestyle change, will inevitably be broken) to change and that things will be different, and usually are for a little while (honeymoon period), then it just starts all over again. The woman usually goes back for one of three reasons: 1) she's gullable enough to beleave he's really changed this time and loves the feeling she has during the honeymoon period. 2) Fear that something bad will happen to her or a loved one if she doesn't go back. 3) It's the only type of relationship she's ever known, that's what she perceives as normal, has developed strong feelings for the abuser, and really doesn't know how to have a "normal" relationship.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY.
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:32:50 PM
Know the bank you're robbing: A robber in Checotah, OK robbed the Peoples National Bank and tried to deposit the money into his bank account at the drive through of the Peoples National Bank-Checotah, OK.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Halloween Humor
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:19:15 PM
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
She was missing a tit
And stunk quite a bit
But imagine all the money he saved
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
At what age do females loss there sex drive???????
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:48:24 PM
They don't lose it, they just get bored with one guy and move on to the next, so it seems.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Should I shave my head?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:33:10 PM

you might even walk out with tweezed brows

A Marine with teezed brows? Look out insurgents, here comes Boy George!
My grandpa was bald. He had a plaque on his living room wall that said, "God made some heads perfect, others he covered with hair." So shave it, grow it, get a reverse mohawk or something, it's your head dude.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Waht's the next 'big thing'
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:07:53 AM
Quantum computers are already in the works on a small scale prototype basis. Whether they will be the next "big thing" or not only time will tell.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
second time around?
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:25:20 PM
Odd thing is most of the ones bidding were ancient inhabitants of Antarctica.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
second time around?
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:20:18 PM
Evermore and toad, why not just flop them out on the table and measure? I think we can find a centimeter stick somehwere...
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Is she loopy?
Posted: 10/27/2007 10:13:40 PM
Women are truly the shallower of the species and have no guilt or moral compass when it comes to getting their own needs filled at whatever cost to someone else's sanity and emotion, as much as they would like to accuse guys of having this undesireable trait.

And the people said, "Amen!"
Okay, so maybe not Amen to ALL women being like that, but from my experience they can be if so inclined.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Is she loopy?
Posted: 10/27/2007 10:06:25 PM
Prozac? I'm thinking more along the lines of Lythium or something. Sounds more like bi-polarism (aka. manic-depressive) or borderline personality disorder. Be glad you got outta that one dude, I'm not sure how much counciling would have helped. Can't help but feel for that poor daughter tho...
And if she dumped the dude she agreed to marry to be with you, it only stands to reason she'd do the same to you when the "next good deal" came around.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Internal conflict
Posted: 10/27/2007 12:17:03 AM
There is no reason why, in any relationship that is meant to last, that either partner should have to hide their emotions and true feelings for each other. Altho it may not be a good idea to let the dam burst all at once, but maybe open one gate at a time until they're all flowing freely and you both are free to express yourselves with no inhibitions. Otherwise, all that bottled up emotion is going to eat away at you because of your fear to express it and inability to hold it in forever. Eventually, what you feel for her now will turn to resentment and the repressed love or whatever you're feeling for her now will turn into pent up rage and it won't be pretty when it finally comes spewing out like hot beer that's been shaken then opened. I hate to say it, but if you don't take heed, then what Scarlett said will inevitably come true. Oh, and having dated an Aquarian, I can vouch for the emotional coldness and cruelty. As a Piscean who can either embrace my emotions and show so much empathy that it often seems as tho I'm mind reading, or totally detach from my emotions as to become nearly sociopathic, I know that it is often easier to detatch than to face the music. It's a lot harder for Aquarians to face the music, but not impossible. If you two are ment to be you'll find a way of working it out.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Are you a woman who wears glasses?
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:31:56 PM
Tigeress, you're freakin' hott and you know it, you wouldn't look like you without the glasses.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What do women absolutely refuse to date men who live at home?
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:19:27 PM
Dont worry about Arguella, she'll be old and decrepid one day and find out first hand soon enough.

My parents are also disabled and do draw SSI and dissability income, but it ain't much and the health benifits are limited. I'm actually making plans to transfer jobs from where I am now to back home so I can help them out. My mom can barely get around anymore and my dad is in no shape to help her out seeing as he was diagnosed this past year with ostioparosis and has had a degenerative bone desease for about 20 years now. The bones have deteriated to the point that he could just move the wrong way and be paralyzed, which makes everyday chores nearly life threatening. I only plan to live with them until I find a place of my own nearby, but while I am with them I will help them with the house payment, utilities, and groceries.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Are you a woman who wears glasses?
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:30:33 PM
I wouldn't say I prefer a girl with glasses, but I wouldn't say I prefer one without either. I'm about 50/50 on it. Women look just as beautiful to me with glasses as without, some even cuter with, but I agree with stargazer. Somehow my nose always seems to get in the way when I kiss a girl with glasses.
 thatguy276
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Disabling the C-Blocking friend
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:55:12 PM

It's hard to be mad at you when you have cute new pictures of yourself with debbil horns

Those are horns? I thought they were ears... j/k
 
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