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 Author Thread: Valentines day date meeting
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Valentines day date meeting
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:18:07 PM
If a guy called me up and said that he was getting a hotel room by my place on our first meet, which happened to be on valentines day, because he didn't want to drive the 45 minutes home after our date I would just cancel the date. I would find that level of pressure to jump right into bed with someone who I hadn't even met yet to be totally creepy.
Personally I really dislike that you are using this site to hook-ups/ one night stands. This is supposed to be a dating site, not a free hooker site. If you want someone to take to bed on valentines day there are woman out there who sell that service and aren't going to get their heart broken when you don't ever call again.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Would you vote for an Atheist president?
Posted: 1/21/2013 9:54:36 PM
If it were up to me running for political office would be like applying for a job. The politician wouldn't tell us their religion and we wouldn't ask. Decisions about who is most qualified to run the country shouldn't be made on what church someone attends. They should be made on who is most qualified to run the country.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
dating hope for bipolar people?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:52:51 PM
If you have a mental illness of any type (Bipolar, Borderline, etc) then the very first thing to do is to work on yourself. Get your meds stable, go to therapy, go through organized re-integration, join a support group. Once you are on your feet as an individual, can hold down a job for an extended period of time, haven't had a mental health crisis in a few years, etc then start looking for someone special. But, until you are stable it is unlikely that you will be able to have a stable relationship.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Discrepancy in income - your thoughts/experiences?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:34:39 PM
I was in a relationship like this for a almost a year and like you said, if there is a difference at the beginning it will only continue and become more pronounced. When my ex and I met I had my own place, my own car ,etc. He lived at home with his parents. However, he assured me that this was a temporary situation as he had just moved to town and was getting on his feet. I went ahead and started dating him because I knew that he had a job. However, as the year progressed I started graduate school, got a better apartment, bought a nicer car. He continued to live with his parents and let them pay for all of his bills because, it turned out that he was $100,000 in debt from private student loans. I also often had to pay for us to go out or we had to stay in. As a result we weren't able to enjoy our time together and were constantly fighting about money. Eventually the relationship fell apart as it became apparent that we would never be able to live together, get married, etc unless I paid all of our expenses. Even then we would struggle under his debt. There was simply no way for things to work. Unfortunately for us it took 9 months to realize that it just couldn't work out. If you know up front that there is an extreme disparity I encourage you to move on. It really will only get worse and not better.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Cocaine
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:21:54 PM
Would I date someone who was currently addicted to drugs? No. However, if someone has been clean for 25 years then let their past be their past and appreciate that you have found an amazingly strong person.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
To white women; Do you find a problem in dating outside your race?
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:18:11 PM
Your profile has no photo, misspellings, says that you aren't looking for anything serious, and suggests drinks as a first date. The lack of responses has nothing to do with race and everything to do with your profile and everything to do with women being afraid that you are just looking for sex.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Why POF should NOT be totally free
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:09:31 PM
I disagree. If you prefer to use a paid dating website there are plenty to choose from like match and e-harmony. However, the steep fees associated with those sites don't just discourage those looking for easy sex, they discourage great potential matches who happen to be on tight budgets for various reasons like being in school or having student loan payments, house payments, etc. The result of this is that these paid websites have relatively few members in any geographical area. I've known several women who used e-harmony and all of the matches that they were provided with lived an excess of 100 miles away. I myself tried to look at match.com once and it couldn't match me with anyone near by. I also knew a male friend who tried match and had the same experience. That is one of the big attractions of POF, there are an abundance of matches right here in Louisville because the site is free. Sure, some may be searching for quick sex. Others may be less than desirable for other reasons. However, there are so many to choose from that I can sort through and contact or respond to the ones that are my type. So, if your biggest complaint about POF is that it is free, then hop on over to a paid site and try it out. But, I suspect that you will find that the things that you love about POF are the result of its free membership.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
BPD help
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:40:11 PM
Amesh,
That is a really tough situation. I'm sure you know already that personality disorders are called personality disorders because they are a pervasive part of someone's personality. They are extremely difficult to treat because psychotropic medication is largely ineffective in reducing their symptoms.
However, with that said there are a few things that I would recommend:
1. Make sure that you are taking really good care of yourself. Consider joining a support group for friends and family of the mentally ill through and organization such as NAMI (National Alliance of the Mentally Ill). Also consider joining Co-Dependents Anonymous in order to learn skills to separate your needs from her needs. Pick up a copy or Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie at your local bookstore or order it online. It is a great daily reflection book on co-dependency, highly recommended for family members of the mentally ill.
2. Ensure that she is getting adequate treatment to remain safe and healthy. Consider looking into treatments that are specifically designed for BPD such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Work together with her and her treatment team to design a crisis intervention plan. That way when she starts to act unsafe or out of control you and she can take action in a pre-agreed upon manner.
3. Have her complete your state's mental health advanced directives and power of attorney. This will allow whoever she designates to take the action she has outlined in the document should she become incapacitated due to her mental illness. This is something that you hope to never have to use, but it is the last line of defense should she become extremely unsafe, out of control, or even ever attempt suicide. This document can protect her from being subject to ECT, long term commitment, or even the use of unwanted psychotropic medications if she should become incapacitated.
Hang in there. Loving someone with a mental illness is difficult. Please take care of yourself and make sure that she stays safe and receives treatment.
-S-
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
The call or the stall
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:22:17 PM
I personally like to talk to the person on the phone at least once first. I think everyone has difference preferences though.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:18:32 PM
I would date someone who was divorced. I would not date someone who was separated.
Divorced implies some finality to the previous relationship. Separation implies a trial period, a marriage that could still be mended, or a messy legal situation that is not yet resolved.
If you are separated it might be too soon to be moving on. Check with me when you are divorced :-)
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
step brother and sister friendship/ relationship
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:14:15 PM
Legally it depends what state they live in. In most states only close blood relatives such as full and half-siblings are subject to incest laws. However, some states do apply incest laws to non-blood relatives including step-parents, step-siblings, and even in-laws. If they do happen to live in a state where step-siblings are subject to incest laws then penalties could be as severe as jail time, or they could simply be prohibited from marrying. I would recommend that they review their state statutes regarding both incest and marriage.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Have you ever had someone drop the H-Bomb on you?
Posted: 1/19/2013 10:57:10 PM
Safe sex, disease free sex is something I'm really big on. I'm personally a serially monogamous person. Shortly after a breakup I always get a STD test to make sure that I am free of any diseases before re-entering the dating world. Before I get intimate with anyone I always talk with them about when they were last tested. I figure if that person and I are not comfortable enough to discuss our most recent STD test then we probably aren't really comfortable enough to hop in the sack. I've never had a man react badly to being asked if he is disease free. I've even had them offer to put off physical contact until they see their doctor.
With that said, I wouldn't mind waiting for my partner to get treatment for an STD that could be cured with antibiotics. But, I probably wouldn't be cool with continuing on with someone who had herpes or HIV, especially if the relationship was brand new and we weren't deeply committed yet. But, the good news for your friend who has Herpes is that there is a dating site especially for people who have herpes. It can be found at http://www.herpespassions.com/
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How do I handle being stood up
Posted: 1/19/2013 10:39:00 PM
I say if you are supposed to be meeting at a restaurant and he stands you up, go ahead and buy yourself a nice dinner, enjoy the evening, go home, and count your lucky stars that you didn't waste your time on someone who was clearly a loser!
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
security tips
Posted: 1/13/2013 1:44:18 PM
If you haven't done it yet go to whitepages.com, search for your own address, click on the button to claim it, then hide your address. Otherwise anyone you are dating who gets your last name can find your address.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How long in a relationship before you lay everything on the table?
Posted: 1/13/2013 1:31:32 PM
It sounds like things got blurry because you moved in during the "getting to know you" phase of your relationship. So, instead of having the casual conversations about finances that usually happen during the first few months, aka feeling out if the person is financially stable without getting into the nitty gritty of their bank balance and credit score, you were thrown into co-supporting a household. At that point the questions do get a little more personal because you have rent, utilities, etc to divide. If you weren't willing to share you bank balance or financial information your live in girlfriend may have been panicking about whether she was going to be left holding the bag on a lot of bills.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Are you put off by a Disability?
Posted: 1/12/2013 1:12:37 PM
I spent a year dating someone who had Crohn's Disease. When I went into the relationship he told me that he had previously had a colostomy bag and that there was a possibility that he would need it again. I also knew going into the relationship that he had an increased risk for certain cancers etc. He and I sat down and talked about what the impact of these things would be on both of us if they happened, how a colostomy would impact our sex life, etc. I decided to date him anyway and still don't regret that.
There have been other profiles of people with disabilities on this website that I have looked at and bypassed because I thought that their situation would be too much for me. As I looked at the poster above who mentioned her Parkinson's I couldn't help but think that her situation would likely be one that I wouldn't become involved with via a dating website. Even as a healthcare professional I would feel overwhelmed by the prospect of falling in love with someone who has progressive degenerative disease and will likely eventually need a full time caregiver.
So, I think that I try to consider each situation uniquely. But, I do think that many people just move right along if the "candidate" isn't perfect.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Virgin seeking virgin
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:52:57 PM
I grew up being taught that abstinence until marriage was absolutely necessary so I'm not going to chastise you for being a virgin even though I haven't personally stayed on the virgin until marriage bandwagon. However, I am going to warn you that as you get older the women who are still virgins are likely either going to be very socially awkward, very unattractive, extremely religious, or recently immigrated from a country where staying a virgin until marriage is an absolute necessity. Also, if you find a woman who loves you enough to respect that you want to wait until marriage to have sex even though she has previously had sex, you've probably found an amazing woman. It would be a shame to let her go just because she had previously been with someone else. Finally, having sex for the first time with someone who has no idea what they are doing is miserable. I speak from experience on that one. You'll enjoy your first time a LOT more if it is with someone who knows a little bit about what they are doing. Yes, I know that fairly tails and catholic schools teach you that sex between two virgins is the most amazing sex ever but in reality it is painful and awkward. Sex with someone who has some experience is much much more pleasurable and more likely to result in an orgasm. Just get the experienced party an STD test first and you'll be fine :-)
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Religion and modern relationships, is there a basic conflict?
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:33:15 PM
I was raised Catholic with the teachings that abstinence is expected until marriage. To be honest I haven't practiced that. I would instead classify myself as serially monogamous. I'm also no longer a practicing Catholic. I've dated people who were various forms of Christian, New Age, and even Atheist. What I've learned over the years is that beliefs regarding sexuality and religion are deeply personal and that as long as both partners are open minded and respectful relationships can work. Conflict seems to occur not when the couples beliefs differ but when one or both partners don't respect each others beliefs. Remember, you don' have to agree with everything your partner believes in, you just have to value your partner so much that you respect their beliefs.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dating with no money.
Posted: 1/11/2013 2:34:20 PM
As a general rule I don't get into any guy's car, tell them where I live, or go to their place on a first date. That is just general safety. The fact that this guy immediately wanted you to leave a public area and go down the street to get into his car is a red flag. The fact that his next suggestion was to go to your place, or in other words to find out where you lived and then go to another non-public place with you is another red flag. You were smart to end the meeting and you would be even smarter to cut off all contact with him. I'm glad you are safe and that this worked out.
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Walking in on a date in the bathroom?
Posted: 1/6/2013 8:42:44 PM
The guy saw you naked, had sex with you... and you are worried that he "might" have seen you going to the bathroom? How old are you?
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Brutally honest female opinions of my profile :)
Posted: 1/6/2013 7:56:22 PM
Your pics are awesome. Best of luck!
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I simply just don't know what to do. HELP
Posted: 1/6/2013 7:53:14 PM
1. When you start by thanking women for viewing your profile you sound sad and desperate. It makes me want to close your profile immediately.
2. Delete "Let me start by introducing myself". Just jump into talking about why you are unique and exciting. Otherwise I am bored before I even get to what is unique about you and I have already closed your profile.
3. Same goes for "What I am looking for". Just say what you are looking for without introducing the idea.

Essentially just clean your profile up. Take out all of the unnecessary language that makes it sound boring and sad. For example you could make it say:

My name is Clint and I have lived all over the U.S. but I believe I found a home here in the Dallas Metroplex.
I love traveling anything from weekend road trips to international vacations. I'm going to need you to be able to qualify for a passport. I enjoy sports, going to baseball and football games, playing poker, having a nice dinner and a movie at the house, jet skiing on the lake, comedy shows and anything else that involves comedy.

I am not looking to get married tomorrow but I am definitely tired of endless dating. I would like to find one person that I just love being around. That person that as soon as you drop them off at home, you can't wait to see them again. I look for a woman who is outgoing, fun, a little bit sarcastic, but is always nice. I don't care how much money you make but have some goals. I want you to be caring, thoughtful, and know how to compromise from time to time. I think I might be asking for to much now.

I am very outgoing, with a fun sense of humor and personality. I have manners and am a bit traditional when it comes to dating values. I am the guy who will keep you laughing until your ribs hurt. I may not have the body of that Lotner guy from Twilight but I have the personality of Kevin James from the King of Queens.

I hope this gives you some insight into what kind of guy I am, and better yet, drives you to sending me an email.

Chat soon
 InActingLive
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Total honesty from some ladies please
Posted: 1/6/2013 7:43:46 PM
1. Delete the photos that aren't current. Nobody cares what you looked like when you still had hair. Women only care what you look like now.
2. Delete the pictures of your kids. It is strange to see them on a dating website and is a turn off for some women. Let a woman get to know you and then bring up the kids.
3. Having your main picture be of you on your knees seems somehow desperate and creepy all at once. Crop it to just your face or delete it.
 
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